Realization

“You’ve been late from lunch quite a bit recently, Kathryn.” Chakotay stood to go to the Captain’s ready room replicator.

 Captain Janeway gave the Commander a cool gaze as she took a sip of her coffee and watched from behind her desk as he moved across the room. “What do you mean?”

 “Well, it’s just that, for a few months now, every other week it seems as though you come back from lunch an hour late.” He shrugged and turned to the replicator. “Tea. Hot.”

 “I didn’t realize you were keeping tabs on me, Chakotay.” She picked up a PADD and scrolled through it.

 “I’m not, but, when something starts to happen frequently, people start to notice.” He sat down on the ready room couch and picked up the PADD he had been working on all afternoon.

 “Is the crew saying anything to you about it?” She gave him an accusing look through the corner of her eye.

 “Well…” he put the PADD back down, “no.”

 “Are you having difficulties with anything when I’m late to return to bridge duty?”

 “Well…no.”

 “Then, what’s the problem, Commander?” She raised an eyebrow.

 “I suppose there isn’t any. I was just curious, that’s all.”

 “Perhaps you should just ask me exactly what you want to know.”

He stood and headed toward the door. “No, I’d rather not.”

 She watched him leaving. “I didn’t dismiss you, Commander.”

 He stopped and turned to face her. “Sorry, Captain.”

 “Why don’t you want to ask me?”

 “Because I may find out something I don’t want to know.”

 “I see.” She took another sip as she sat looking at him for a moment. “Dismissed.”

 He returned to the bridge.

Janeway walked onto the bridge from her Ready Room and headed to the turbolift. “I’m taking lunch. Commander, you have the bridge.”

 An uneasy silence fell over the bridge upon Captain Janeway’s departure. The bridge crew could feel the anger and discomfort radiating from where the Commander sat.

 “I’m guessing you didn’t have any luck.” Paris commented to Chakotay from his station.

 “Excuse me, what did you say, lieutenant?” Chakotay’s angry focus fell on the pilot.

 Paris turned to face the Commander. “I just asked whether or not you got the Captain to admit to exactly what she does on her lunch breaks.”

 “How do you know what the Captain and I discuss?”

 “Because, Chakotay,” B’Elanna stepped in to keep her friend from killing her husband, “ever since you found out that Seven and the Captain were seeing each other…”

 “We don’t know that for certain.” Chakotay snapped.

 “Yes we do.”

 “She’s never said anything indicating that is the case.”

 “You were the one who asked the computer if Janeway was in bed and if Seven was in Janeway’s quarters.” B’Elanna snapped back.

 “It wasn’t exactly like that, and you know it.”

 “It was close enough.”

 “Don’t remind me.”

 “Look, ever since then, you’ve been obsessed with it. Let it go, Chakotay. You lost. You didn’t keep Seven of Nine, and you didn’t get Kathryn Janeway.”

 “You’re out of line, lieutenant.”

 “She is correct, Commander.” The sound of Tuvok’s voice silenced the room. “As I have stated once before, the Captain’s personal life is her own concern. If or when she decides to inform us of any relationship she may or may not have, then we may discuss and or worry about the issue. Your preoccupation regarding this matter is causing undue stress and difficulty in both the bridge crew and the command staff.”

 “Tuvok, you have no idea what is and isn’t affecting our command team.” Chakotay began to calm.

 “He doesn’t, but I could take a guess.” Harry Kim stopped working at his station. “You’re torn. You’re in love with two people. But, you didn’t realize it until it was too late.” Harry stepped from behind his console and walked to face the Commander. “Both of them are strong. Both of them have a tenderness that you only manage to get glimpses into from time to time. Both of them have strong opinions and stronger ideals. And, you wonder how you could be attracted to someone who you know you would fight with on a daily basis. But, you see in them an equal. You see in them a person who you know you would never grow bored with. You see in them a person who you know you could grow old with. But, there is a barrier, a wall there that keeps you from acting on your feelings. Sure, you’ve had chances, but they were all lost through fear of rejection . . . or worse. You lost one totally before they even knew, or you even knew, how much you cared for them.” Harry sat in the first officer’s chair and faced Chakotay. “Then, one day, you take a leap and go after the other one, and it works, and it’s good. But, something’s wrong. Something’s missing. You realize they love each other, and it’s stronger than anything you could have had with either one of them. You realize they belong together without you there.” He paused to catch his breath. “It hurts. It’s one of the most emotionally painful things you’ve ever done, but you find a reason to let them go. You hope that, in the aftermath, they will find each other. You’re sad. You’re depressed. You’re angry. You’re bitter. You’re alone.” He gave pause and shifted in the chair. “You watch in agony as they do finally find each other, and they’re happy. Their happiness kills you. It could have been you. You feel it should have been you. Finally, you just find someone who can somewhat fill the loneliness, to make the pain go away. It’s not much, but it’s the best you can do.”

 Harry sighed and shook his head. “You have to let it go. You’ve got to, or it will eat at you.”

 Tom cleared his throat. B’Elanna stared mindfully at the floor.

 Silence filled the bridge. Finally, Chakotay broke the silence. “I know. I’m trying.”

 Harry returned to his station.

 “Commander,” Paris said in his most professional tone, “Sensors indicate a meteor belt up ahead. Recommend we raise shields for added protection of the ship.”

 “That’s fine. Tuvok, raise shields.”

 “Acknowledged, Commander. Shields are at 100 percent.”

 “I need to go work on some things.” Chakotay stood and made a move to leave. “Tuvok, you have the bridge.”

Kathryn opened the door to her quarters to find Seven draped across the couch wearing a silky red robe. She stepped inside the room and let the door close behind her. In the starlight, Seven looked magnificent. The robe shined in the moonlight. It looked like red wine poured over that glorious body. Her head rested on one arm of the couch; she had her hair down and it fell in waves over the arm as the starlight danced in the highlights. Her legs fell lightly over the other arm. Her robe spread open gently giving just a hint of the slender yet well defined legs beneath.

 “You look almost good enough to eat.” Kathryn said as she headed toward the couch.

 “I will take that as a compliment.” She pulled up into a reclining position to allow Kathryn a place to rest. “How is work?”

 Kathryn sighed as she leaned over and gently kissed Seven before settling down in the Borg Beauty’s arms. “Chakotay is obsessed. He can’t just let it be.”

 “We both knew he would not fair well. What was it he informed you of if he should ever find the ‘man’ who was his ‘competition’ for me?”

 Kathryn chuckled. “He would throw ‘him’ out the nearest airlock.” Kathryn rolled over and pulled herself up to meet Seven’s eyes. “I don’t think he has the guts to do that to me, however.”

 “Yet he is persistent in trying to find out if, indeed, you are the competition?” Seven ran her hand along Kathryn’s jaw line, around her delicate ear, and down her neck stopping just about the collar of her uniform.

 Kathryn sighed. “Yes, and I refuse to tell him until he has the courage to ask me. It’s not as though the rest of the crew hasn’t figure this out already.” Kathryn ran her finger lightly over Seven’s optical implant knowing how sensitive that area was.

 “Then why do we not just acknowledge our relationship in public as so many other crewmen have done?” Seven began to run her fingers through Kathryn’s hair.

 “I’m sorry; I’m just not ready for that. I don’t think I can do it until I know that Chakotay can accept this. I don’t think I could be responsible for his total loss of will.” She laid her head in the crook of Seven’s neck enjoying the feel of the Borg’s hand running through her hair.

 “I understand. I feel the same way. Our separation was difficult for us both. But, I sometimes had the impression that he was looking for reasons to leave me and push me toward you.”

 “How so?”

 “I can’t explain it. It was …” Seven paused looking for the right word.

 “Intuition?” Kathryn raised her head to give Seven a bemused look.

 “Perhaps.” Seven ran her hand down the length of Kathryn’s body.

 Kathryn gasped. “There’s one way to change the subject.” She looked up to see Seven’s intense gaze on her.

 All thoughts of Chakotay left as Seven captured Kathryn in a passionate kiss. It was strong, demanding, needful, hot, loving, and it took Kathryn’s breath away.

 “Seven.”

 Seven picked up the smaller woman with grace and little effort and walked them both toward the bedroom.

 “Chakotay will once again have to deal with bridge command on his own.”

 “What makes you say that?” Kathryn asked as she teased and pulled at the other woman’s ear with her teeth. She could feel the heat she left behind there.

 “Because I predict that you shall, once again, be an hour late.” Seven said as she laid Kathryn on the bed.

 “I think he can manage for an hour.” Seven kissed her once again taking her breath away. “Or, two…”

Knowing the Unknown (4/5)