Chapter 11

I shifted smoothly into first gear as I came to a stop outside the gate of Nika’s dispatch office. Half a dozen bulky cargo vans were maneuvering out of the yard. Nika looked nervous.

            “Nika are you sure you’re alright?” I asked reaching out to stroke her thigh.

            “Yeah, I - yes. I’ll be fine.” She turned and smiled at me. It looked a little forced.

            “You know I can pick you up if you want?”

            “Yes, Kathryn.” She dropped her chin and looked up at me; her smile looked a little more natural.

            “Got your lunch?”

            “Yes, Kathryn.” She smirked and rolled her eyes a little.

            “Pain killers?”

            “Yes Mom!” she snapped.

            “Well, play nice with the other kids.” I said sarcastically. Her beautiful lips scrunched into a thin line. She glanced around and looked back at me.

            “Sorry, that was really immature so I deserved that.”

            “Yeah, you did! You know I’m just concerned about you.”

            “I know. I love you. Thank you for the ride.” She turned to face me.

            “You’re welcome. I love you too.” Nika leaned close to kiss me which surprised me a little but I certainly didn’t mind. I cupped her cheek to keep her from pulling away too quickly. “I’m nobody’s Mommy.” I said quietly looking her straight in the eyes.

            “Not even when we’re …” she smiled provocatively.

            “Especially not then.” I said in all seriousness.

            “Gotcha. I promise I’ll never say it again.”

            “Thank you, darling.” I said as she leaned in for a long delicious kiss.

            “See you later.” Her pale skin was flushed as she pulled away and unlocked the door. She leaned down to continue, “I promise to call if I need anything.”

            “Good.” I replied as someone wolf whistled. It was one of the couriers. “Charming.” I glared at him as he pulled through the gate, though he didn’t notice.

            Nika rolled her eyes at him and closed the door.  I felt a flutter of arousaI watching the sway of her hips as she walked across the dusty yard. Nika had been increasingly distant since Sunday when we decided to move into the two bedroom condo. Hopefully she would feel better being back at work. I tried not to worry too much as I pulled back into traffic.

            The elevator was crowded. I smiled and said good morning to a few of the people who worked for Ridgeway. My father believed in having a good rapport with ‘the troops’. From my own experience I could see that he was right. A fine balance of friendly and aloof had served me well since I had taken over. Sheila was in my office dropping off the usual folder of documents that required my signature.  She was a little surprised to see me so early but she quickly turned her “oh!” into “I was just about to make some coffee – want one.”

            “That would be heavenly.” I said sitting down. I was quite impressed with how much I accomplished in the hour before most of the other staff arrived.   Perhaps driving Nika to work had more benefits than I realized: I tackled most of my emails and signed the dozen or so documents after a quick perusal of each page.   At 9:15 I decided to indulge in another coffee and wandered to the kitchen which held the delicious aroma of freshly ground coffee beans.  Steaming cup in hand, I walked out to Sheila’s desk to drop off the folder.

“Oh, Thanks,” she said looking surprised again. I leaned on the high side of her desk. She waited expectantly.

“So how are things, Sheila?” I asked taking a small sip of heaven.

“Mmm, pretty good, nothing too exciting.” She smiled and reached for her own cup of coffee.

“I never did ask you how that date went, a few weeks ago?”

“Ah, yeah – not so great. She was – we weren’t very compatible – it was kind of painfully obvious right from the start.” Sheila made a face, and I grimaced along with her. “Buuuuut, I have a date on Saturday.” She blushed a little.

“Someone new?” I asked.

“MmHmm we met online – we’re meeting at the farmer’s market.”

“I hope this one goes well.” I smiled at her.

“Well, it couldn’t be much worse!” we both laughed. There was an awkward moment of silence, where I was tempted to hint that my love life had improved. I think she wanted to ask but wasn’t quite sure how. News of my divorce had fueled the office rumor mill for two weeks. I knew I shouldn’t risk it.  The iron bars of duty and convention tightened around me. Sheila was lovely, funny, someone I likely could have been good friends with if my life wasn’t so stifled by ‘appearances.’ I sighed.

“Guess I should get back to work, I hear the boss-lady is tough!” I joked.

“Horrible!”  Sheila said, joking along with me, “Oh! A terror!”

As I turned away from her desk there was a muffled shout and the mag-lock door was flung open. Mark came charging through it, his face red and jacket askew. I gasped at the sight of him.

            “Bitch!” He yelled, “There you are!” Before he could come any closer Marcus Johnson tackled him from behind and held him down, pressing Mark’s face onto the cold granite floor. “You’ll regret this!” he struggled to get up. “You’ll pay!”  

            “Stay down.” The bulky security guard yelled. My heart seemed to throb where my brain should be, I couldn’t think, I couldn’t move.

            “Bitch – you, ruined my –” He struggled again as Marcus used a plastic tie to cinch his hands together. “Ow! Get off me you Neanderthal!” Marcus stood up and hauled Mark up by his arms. “Fuck!” Mark cursed as he fumbled for his footing. Marcus kept hold of him. A second guard stepped out of the elevator and grabbed Marks other arm.  My soon to be ex-husband stared at me with utter hatred “I’ll destroy you!” he said quietly before they hustled him into the elevator.

When the doors closed I felt myself shiver. Sheila was looking at me with wide eyes. I blinked and started to breathe again.

              “Are you ok?” she asked reaching out to squeeze my hand. Sheila was standing up and holding a spray can in her other hand. I held her hand tight.

            “Yes, yes I’m ok. Well –“I shook my head as if to wake myself up and she let go of me.

            “Wow!” She said sitting back down. She put the can on her desk – it was a purse sized can of bear–spray.

            “Where on earth did you get that?” I asked glancing at it.

            “Here take it, I have more, my brother gets them for me – he hunts.” I shook my head and took a step away.

            “Please take it – you might, you might.” Need it – is what she didn’t want to say. I could see the fear and concern in her eyes. She had a point. I reached out my hand and she slipped the cool little canister onto my palm.

            “Thank you, Sheila.” I said before turning away and walking through the mag lock door. I tried desperately not to think of what might have happened if I hadn’t left my office, if Mark had caught me there alone. The can of bear spray was a little too large for the pocket of my pants but I kept it there for the rest of the morning.

***************

            After three and a half hours of sharing Stan’s cramped closet sized office I was more than happy to eat lunch outside.  There was a thin strip of grass along one edge of the truck lot with a lonely picnic table on it. Kathryn had made a huge Caesar salad the night before with lightly seasoned chicken fillet. It tasted delicious even with the occasional diesel exhaust of passing trucks. I thought about Kathryn: how lovely she is, how playful, how quiet she was after dinner last night. All I wanted to do was sit on the couch and surf satellite TV channels.  She sat with me for a while and then went into her study and closed the door.  It was probably the smartest thing to do. I had been in a horrible mood feeling ready to explode at any moment. I’m glad I didn’t, I’m glad she just let me alone. None of this was about Kathryn. I had no right to take it out on her.  I couldn’t let my rage towards Shelley destroy the wonderful beginning Kathryn and I had made. Shelley would love that, she had always enjoyed causing me pain. I was going crazy sitting around all day in Kathryn’s huge house with the paparazzi waiting outside just past the security guards. They had thinned out as the week progressed but there was one remaining. I was so annoyed with the last persistent photo hound that I fantasized about going after him with a hoe or accidentally smashing his side mirror with my bike lock. I kept those thoughts to myself, knowing that Kathryn wouldn’t like it and that it would only encourage more attention.  I wanted to be with Kathryn, I cared so much for her already that it scared me. It would be so easy to just pack up and move on, I was used to that, how many times had I done just that?  Three times? Four?

The first time it had only taken Shelley six weeks to track me down. I didn’t want to live like that. I had let her push me around long enough, it had to stop here.

            “Nik!” Stan bellowed from across the lot, “phone call for ya.” Kathryn! Was she alright? I grabbed my lunch container and jogged across to the office. Stan was lighting a smoke as I reached the door. “the phone in my office.” He said.

            “Hello?”

            “Nika?”

            “Kathryn. Is everything alright?”

            “Yes, love I’m fine. Are you Ok?”

            “Yeah, I just had a strange feeling all of a sudden, like you were in trouble.” My heart was racing and I wasn’t sure why.

            “Well, there was a little incident this morning, but I’ll tell you about it later.”

            “Sure,” I agreed though I could hear the tension in her voice. “Did you just call to say hello then?” She was quiet for a moment before answering.

            “Yea, I – I suppose I just wanted to hear your voice.” She spoke quietly.

I felt my face warming up with blushing.

            “Well, that’s nice, I mean, happy to be of assistance. Anytime.” I said grinning like a buffoon, “Anything in particular you’d like me to say?”

            “You’re incorrigible,” she said with a chuckle.

            “Kathryn, I’m sorry I’ve been such a jerk the past few days, I’m trying not to take any of this out on you – I’ve just been frustrated as hell. But you don’t deserve that.”

            “Well, if that’s you being a jerk I don’t think I have too much to worry about, but thank you, apology accepted.” She paused while I let myself breathe.

 “How are you getting – back to – my place tonight?” She almost said home but stopped herself.

            “Stan is dropping me off at my apartment so I can finish up packing and tidying, then I was hoping you could pick me up?”

            “That sounds fine with me, call me. Oh – you still don’t have a cell phone.”

            “Yeah, um, would seven be too late for you?”

            “Seven is perfect for me, darling.” Kathryn said in her low sexy tone.

            “I love it when you call me that.” I said, just as Stan was stepping back into the office. He raised his eyebrows, pointed and laughed silently at me. I knew my face was bright red. “I should go Kathryn, I’ll see you then, bye.” She said ‘ok’ and I hung up quickly glaring at Stan and holding in an explosive laugh.

He sat down and shook his head at me still grinning.

            “How did you manage to catch the richest chick in town, Nik?” He asked.

            “She caught me.” I said and turned to walk down the hall to the kitchen.

            “Oh, it’s like that!” he yelled after me.

            “Oh – it is like that.” I said to myself.

            Stan pulled his refurbished midnight blue 1965 Chevy truck up to the office door as I was locking it with the new key he had given me. He grinned with pride as I closed the door.

            “This is a beautiful truck, Stan.” I said.

            “Mmm-hhm” he replied like I had stated the obvious but he was quite happy to hear it, “Thanks to you I finished all the shit that usually keeps me there until eight! Can’t think what I’m going to do with myself!”

            “Relax, enjoy yourself, or maybe meet someone who isn’t from work?”

            “Now you’re talking like a crazy person!” His laugh cackled.

            “Really Stan, thanks for letting me try dispatch.”

            “No problem, you’re one of the best guys I’ve got, on a bike or in a truck.”

I directed him to my apartment. We pulled up in front and he was giving me a meaningful look, I waited for whatever it was he was about to say.

            “So she treats you well, this Kathryn?” He asked. I smiled, close to tears thinking of just how well she treats me.

            “Yes, very – very well.” I replied. He seemed to think about it for a moment and nodded.

            “I’ll see ya tomorrow then. Watch yourself.” He suggested.

            “You take care too.” I said. He waited until I was safely inside the building before driving away. I tried to think about Kathryn instead of the mess that waited for me in my apartment. I was silently thankful that Mr. Hoang or Miss Maudie weren’t around; I was barely keeping it together as it was. A few kind words from Stan had me on the verge of tears.

            My apartment still stunk of smoke. I opened all the windows and stood surveying the damage.  I breathed around the lump in my throat as I began cleaning up.

***************

            When I arrived at Nika’s apartment one of her neighbours was just leaving so I caught the door before it locked and let myself in. My shoes echoed on the ancient hardwood at the top of the stair. I knocked quietly at Nika’s door. After my second knock she called “Who is it?”

            “It’s Me.” I said. A few moments later Nika opened the door and pulled me into a tight embrace.

            “I’m glad you’re here.” she murmured into my hair. When she pulled back I could tell she had been crying. I touched her cheek and it looked like the tears might start at any moment. I led her inside and closed the door behind us. She’d had done most of the work. The books were boxed up, kitchen wares neatly stacked on the clean counter, the bed was stripped and there were five large recycle bags stacked next to the folding screen. The quilt that her grandmother had made for her was neatly folded and placed on top of one of the bags. Nika’s eyes followed mine and then she was crying again. I led her to the bed to sit down. She leaned her elbows on her knees and cried into her hands. I sat with my arm around her. I let her cry as long as she needed.

            “It’s ruined.” She said still crying and gasping for breath. “She ruins everything.” Her shoulders shook. “I can’t take much more of this –I’m tired of living like this – running all the time – hunted, like prey. I hate what she’s done to my life!” Instead of sounding angry she sounded hopeless.

            “Hey, you’ll get through this Nika. I’ll help you through this – you’ll be alright.”

            “Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like if I’d never met her.” She let out a jagged breath and pressed her knuckles into her eyes.

            “Darling, you don’t have to run anymore, she’s going away for a long time, she’ll never get near you again. She can’t hurt you anymore Nika.”

            “But she’s – “

            “She’s the past! She’s irrelevant! Don’t you think she’s poisoned your life long enough? All she has is poison, Nika. Without you she’s nothing, but look at everything you’ve done without her, think of all the things you’ve accomplished.”

            “I survived.” Nika said bitterly.

            “Yes, you did. I’m certainly glad that you did.” I smiled gently when she looked up at me. Her face brightened a little.

            “I’m glad too.” She said fighting back more tears.

            “Good, you had me worried there for a moment darling.” I said. Nika searched my eyes for a long time without speaking.

            “I don’t know what I’d do if she hurt you. I’m not sure …” she was angry and frightened – for me. I ached to reassure her. I dipped my head to kiss her softly, trying to communicate all the love I feel for her. She gasped as I pulled back. She still looked lost and I wasn’t sure what else I could say or do.

            “I wish it were as simple as me riding in on my white horse to slay the dragon but –“

            “It’s my dragon to slay.” She said thoughtfully and I was so relieved to hear her say it. “But, thank you, Kathryn.” She looked at me and I could see a definite change, the desperation had vanished.  I pulled her into a hug, enjoying her strong arms around me. I pulled back just a little staying in the circle of her arms.

            “Well, thank heavens because I can’t even ride a horse!” I said to lighten the mood.

            “I don’t want a knight in shining armor,” Nika said seriously, then she smiled gently and added, “But I think I’d like the look of you in leather.”

            “No rescuing then.” I said. Nika nodded.    We shared a long kiss to seal our bargain.

***************

            Kathryn traces the edge of my bottom lip with her talented fingertips. Just a simple touch and my breath is taken. She stares into my eyes as her hands gently map the contours of my face.  I shiver, completely caught by her when she looks at me this way. She is so intent – so focused, her irises are very blue at the edges, like the heavy blue of the sky just before the thunderclouds roll in. Her pupils are encircled with a grey that verges on silver.  I know I’m caught and I am a happy captive.  Her fingers slide to my neck which makes me shiver. Her pupils widen just a little as she approaches. For a moment she glances at my lips and desire darkens her eyes. I feel my nipples tighten as her hands reach my back and she pulls me to her lips.  I close my eyes to live in sensation: the press of her lips, the plunge and dip of her agile tongue, the heat of her breath, the sound of her need purring down my throat. I feel myself start to throb, gods I want her right now! I slowly lean back – careful not to lose contact – so I am spread out beneath her, her hands tangled in my hair. We shift and get comfortable, thighs pressing between thighs, hips locked and moving slowly. I feel her heat radiate up from my leg. Her lips and tongue make love to my mouth as I revel in the feeling of having her on top of me. I could be quite content here forever. My muscles tighten when I think of her inside me. I groan and she pulls back a little balancing on her hands which shifts her weight to her hips sending a shiver through me.

            “Nika, I – I’m sorry love but I’d really rather not do this here.” She says. From the corner of my eye I can see the profane wax staining the wall. I nod in agreement and we clamber up and off the bed. Another few inches and we would have been on the burnt part of the mattress. Kathryn reaches out and takes hold of my hand. We contemplate the charred remains of my bedroom in silence.

            “I guess we should start taking some of this stuff down to the car.” I say to disrupt my own unpleasant thoughts. Kathryn nods and brings my knuckles to her lips. She looks up at me through her lashes and smirks.  

            “We’ll finish what we started, later.” She states. I have no desire to say otherwise. “Could I get the car closer to the back door? Would that be easier?” she asks before grabbing two of the large bags.

            “Yes, that’s a great idea, there’s a parking lot. Um, those two are actual garbage – I just didn’t have the right bags.” She nods and carries them to the door. I prop it open with a small box and start carrying boxes of books down to the back door while Kathryn dumps the garbage and fetches the car. Twenty minutes later Kathryn’s convertible is stuffed with most of my belongings.  I notice how the fading daylight colours Kathryn’s’ cheeks as we stand in the rutted dirt of the parking lot.

            “You know,” she puts her hands on her hips, “it doesn’t make sense to drive this to my place when the condo is so much closer.” She’s right; I have been living without most of this stuff for more than a month.

            “Smart,” is all I say to her. Moments later my apartment is locked and we are bumping our way down the alley.

            The resident manager holds one of the elevators so we can move everything from the car. It only takes one trip to transport my stuff to the tenth floor – or level ‘J’ – as it is called. The living area is bathed in reddish orange light from the sunset. We carry my things as far as the foyer. Once it is all inside we lock the door and gravitate towards the balcony.

            “This is stunning,” she says stepping out into the light breeze. I lean on the railing beside her and look at the riotous sky.

            “You’re stunning,” I say. She quirks her lips and eyebrows at me.

            “Well, back to the cheesy pick-up lines, you must be feeling better.”

            “I suppose I am,” I say, thinking that it is mostly due to her kisses.

            “So, one more trip or are we done for tonight.” She asks.

            “I think one more trip would do it.”

            “Alright – but you still owe me an orgasm.”

            “Do I?”

            “Indeed.” She says looking regal.

            “I think I’d prefer an even exchange.” I lean close to her. She looks down her nose at me.

            “Perhaps, I might be willing to negotiate.”

            “Oh good,” I said surprised I could keep a straight face. She took my hand and led me back through our new home. In the elevator she stood as far away from me as possible and made eyes at me, licking her lips and flaring her nostrils, nibbling on her thumb like she could barely control herself. Once the doors opened on the main floor she was all business. She looked over her shoulder and flashed me a playful smile. I smirked and shook my head as we headed back to the car.

***************

            We packed Nika’s kitchen into half a dozen clothe shopping bags. That only left the chair, ottoman and folding room divider.

            “I’m not sure this will all fit in my tiny car.” I said.

            “I was planning on putting the screen out back by the dumpster – someone will snatch it up fairly quickly.”

            “People do that?” I couldn’t believe it, auctions and thrift shops were one thing – but taking other peoples garbage? Nika looked dumfounded and annoyed.

            “Um, yeah – it happens quite a lot, especially with students. It’s perfectly good – why shouldn’t someone else get some use from it?” She asked.

            “I – I don’t know, it’s a completely new idea for me.” She almost seemed offended by my response. “You’ve done it.” I realized.

            “Yes, I have – I’m not ashamed of that – you do what you have to when you don’t have a lot of cash.”  She crossed her arms over her chest. It was then I understood just how disparate our lives have been – there were things that Nika had overcome that I probably couldn’t even imagine, experiences I might never understand, more things to come between us. I shoved that thought away.

            “It’s remarkable,” I said reaching out to her,”what’s the best thing you ever found?” She relaxed and put her arms around my hips.

            “A drafting table, when I was in college, I kept it flat so it was a huge desk. I had it for a few years and then put it back in the alley – it was gone within half an hour.” She gazed out the back window.

            “Huh, I suppose it’s just like recycling.”

            “Yes.” Nika said. She kissed my cheek and let go. Somehow she managed to wrestle the leather chair downstairs and into the trunk. I carried the ottoman and tried to secure the open lid of the trunk while Nika made the last few trips upstairs. I was carefully reversing out of the lot when we noticed someone handling the screen. She was young, her white bicycle propped against the dark green dumpster.

            “Wait!” Nika said, “I know her.”

            “A neighbour?” I asked but Nika didn’t hear me. She was speaking to the young woman. I backed up so the car was right alongside her. Even though it was getting late and chilly we still had the top down so I could see the girl quite clearly. She had short hair and oval glasses. She looked really young up close.

            “Hey Nika! Look what I just nabbed. There’s nothing wrong with it!”

            “That’s cause I just put it out.” Nika smiled.

            “Whoa, you live here? Nice!”

            “Well not anymore.”

            “Oh.” The girl looked at me expectantly. Nika realized introductions were needed.

            “Cece, this is Kathryn, Kathryn – Cece.”

            “Wow.” Cece said, “I mean hi.”

            “Nice to meet you.” I smiled at her.

            “Cece and her girlfriend Mandy helped me out that day.” Nika explained.

            “Mandy has a job at that Donair place now!”

            “Nice!” Nika said simply.

            “I have much to thank you for, Cece.” I said. She blushed and shrugged.

            “No big thing.”

            “How are you going to get that home?” Nika asked.

            “I’ll balance it on my bike.” She replied.

            “Are you certain?” I asked. Cece made a ‘phssst’ noise and proceeded to hoist the solid wood screen, flipping it flat to balance on her handle-bars and seat. It looked precarious. My back would be screaming for a week if I tried that.

            “See.” She said looking proud of herself.

            “Well if you’re sure.” Nika said. Cece nodded.

            “Nice to meet you Kathryn, see you around Neek.” She winked and began to push her bike towards the street.

            “Neek?” I said to Nika, who just smiled and shrugged. I glanced in the rear view mirror to see Cece carefully maneuvering her new treasure on to the street.

            “That’s one determined girl.” I said and looked at Nika. “I like that. She’s awfully young to be living on her own.” I added.

            “They live with Mandy’s mother.” Nika explained. She happily chatted about everything she knew about the two girls for the entire 15 minute drive.

            The condo was dark and chilly as we had left the balcony door open. Again we piled the bags in the foyer and Nika carried her leather club chair into the living room. She placed it in the middle of the floor facing the west windows.

She sat down and stretched before slouching comfortably. I carried the ottoman over and placed it between her spread knees.

            “Have I mentioned how much I like this chair darling?” I said lowering myself onto her lap, “it’s very sexy.” I kissed the edge of her hair.

            “I had no idea chairs could be sexy.” She teased.

            “You look even sexier in this chair.” I said kissing her temple. Her hands wrapped possessively around my hips and she pulled me to her. She nuzzled the gap between my jeans and my top spreading need with her lips. I braced myself on the back of the chair while she reached up and cupped my breasts. She was kissing my stomach now and unbuttoning my pants. I could feel blood rushing to my throbbing core and thought I might explode from just her kisses. I leaned down to capture her mouth arching my back to do so. Every inch of me felt more alive – ready for her. “I am so wet for you.” I said, she moaned as I started pulling at her t-shirt. I started to vibrate. She pulled away and I realized it was my phone still tucked into my back pocket. Nika tipped her head back and sighed. I thought about not answering it. I buzzed and buzzed again. I answered as I stood up. Nika’s hands were still caressing my hips. They froze when I froze. She looked up at me alarmed.

            “Kathryn what is it?” Nika asked as I tried to make sense of what Jeffries was saying.

            “Gunshots? – Nika we need to go – now!”