Only the Lonely
By Angel

Dearest Seven,

There was so much I still wanted to say to you. So many words left unspoken. I never had anything but the greatest admiration for you. You were so special, so smart, so unique, so beautiful.
I watched you grow from a drone to person, guided you to humanity. I can only hope that you valued what I tried to do for you, that you appreciated my efforts, like I appreciated yours.

There was one thing I never had a chance to teach you and that was the one thing I wanted to teach you most. But I thought we had time, Seven. I never imagined you would be taken away from me so soon.

I so much wanted to tell you about love and romance. I wanted to guide you through that step in your development. Show you what it's like to love and be loved. Because I love you, Seven, more than anything. You were my heart, my reason to go on, my only hope of salvation from this dreadful loneliness.

But more than that I wanted to make you happy. So you could truly develop your humanity and fully know what that is worth. It makes me so mad that you never had that chance. It infuriates me, makes me blind with anger. I swear to you, I will avenge you, my love. The people that took your life will pay for it with their own. I will not rest until I reach that goal.

And I will love you forever.

Bridge Voice Recorder, Stardate 53911, 16:33 hours

Commander Chakotay: I can't allow you to do this, Captain. I'm taking over command, you are hereby relieved of duty.
I'm sorry.

Captain Janeway: Sorry doesn't cut it, Commander. How dare you defy my command. You know I have to do this. Tuvok, take him to the brig!

Lt. Commander Tuvok: I am sorry, Captain, I cannot comply with your commands. I must follow Commander Chakotay.

Captain Janeway: Damn you! Damn you all! Who's with me?

Lt. Stedman: I'm with you, Captain. Let's go.

Jeffries Tube Section 47, Deck 11, Voice Recorder, Stardate 53911, 17:05 hours

Lt. Stedman: Kathryn, stop for a minute. I need you to listen to me.

Captain Janeway: It's still Captain for you, Lieutenant. Don't forget you followed my command.

Lt. Stedman: Don't pull your rank on me, I'm all you've got. It's just you and me now. Listen to me. I admire you and I adore you and I would follow you into the pits of hell itself if I had to.

Captain Janeway: But?

Lt. Stedman: But, you are behaving like a lunatic.

Captain Janeway: I am n...

Lt. Stedman: You are. Look, I'm angry about Seven too, the attack on her was totally uncalled for. But avenging her is not going to bring her back, Kathryn, nothing will. Going around killing a species for your own personal gain, no matter how justified, is never the right thing to do and you know that. You were the first to condemn the Equinox crew, Kathryn. Don't fall for the same trap they did.

Captain Janeway: This is a totally different situation.

Lt. Stedman: No, it's not. When you cut right down to the chase, it is exactly the same. You need to let go of this anger, Kathryn. For your own sake, if not for your crew. You need to let go and you need to move on. It is your only option.

Captain Janeway: You don't understand...

Lt. Stedman: I know how you felt about her. We all did. We all saw the love in your eyes whenever she was around. I do understand, and so does everybody else.

Captain Janeway: I betrayed them...

Lt. Stedman: They will forgive you.

Captain Janeway: No...

Lt. Stedman: Come here...

Captain Janeway: I can't, I can't, I...

Lt. Stedman: It's okay, Kathryn, just let it out, there's nobody here but us.

Acting Captain Chakotay's log, Stardate 53911

I had to relieve Captain Janeway of command. I really didn't want to but she left me no choice. We have resumed course to the Alpha Quadrant.
Lt. Stedman chose to stay with her Captain. Her actions will be dealt with later. Although I assume she will attempt to talk some sense into Kathryn, one can only hope that is why she went with her.
The both of them are hiding on the ship. I have put round the clock surveillance on the shuttle bays and weapons depots.
I will confine Kathryn Janeway to the brig if I have to, but as long as she doesn't attempt to hurt anyone or anything, I will let her roam the ship until she is ready to deal with her actions.

End log.

Captain's Quarters Voice Recorder, Stardate 53911, 20:16 hours

Captain Janeway: Please stay here with me, I need you to be with me.

Lt. Stedman: Of course I will stay, as long as you need me to.

Captain Janeway: I want you, I need you to love me.

Lt. Stedman: No you don't, you want Seven of Nine. Please be aware of that. I will be for you whatever you need me to, but I want you to keep in mind that I am not what you really want and this may not be as satisfying as you may expect it to be.

Captain Janeway: I need you to love me, please love me.

Lt Stedman to Commander Chakotay.

I will. Stedman out.

Lt. Stedman Personal Log, Stardate 53913

I am still monitoring Captain Janeway. It is hard to tell whether or not she is progressing. Sometimes she seems to do better, be more accepting of Seven's loss, but I have to wonder if this is real or if she is just humoring me. What I wouldn't give for a Betazoid right about now. So often I feel like we are losing her. I don't know what I'd do without her, she has come to mean so much to me over the past years.
At least she has given up on chasing the Nvoru. But she refuses to face anybody else but me. I think she still blames them for not backing her up. Or maybe she is afraid of them. I wish I had paid better attention in psychology class.

End log.

Last Known Personal Log of Kathryn Janeway, Stardate 53917

I have nothing and no one left. I betrayed Erin by making love to her as if she were you, Seven, I even called her by your name a couple of times. I know, I shouldn't have, I took advantage of her, it wasn't fair. I think she understands, however, and I hope and trust that she will be okay in time. I couldn't bring her to where I am going anyway, she needs to move on with her life.

I'm sorry, Seven, that I couldn't even keep my last promise to you, they have made it impossible for me, I have no resources, nobody backing me up and I can't go on any longer. I can only hope that you will be there when I arrive and that we will be together, at last.