Waking Dreams
I want to know what love is
I want you to show me
I want to feel what love is
I know you can show me
Kathryn woke up with a shock. Her body was clammy from sweat. She'd just
had a very disturbing dream and wondered what had brought this on.
Lately, she had been thinking about her situation a lot. Being lost in the Alpha
Quadrant was one thing, but the Captain was more than lost; she was lonely.
After five years without a true friend, let alone a lover, she really began the
feel the effects of her isolation. She wasn't going to deny to herself that she
needed love. But Seven of Nine? That would be the last person she expected
providing that love.
Kathryn shook the dream from her head. No sense thinking of something so
unfeasible.
She got out of bed and dressed herself. Moments later, she walked to the mess hall. Nobody else was there yet; as most mornings, except Neelix.
"Good morning Neelix", the Captain nodded at the Talaxian. "You know the drill"
"Here's your coffee Captain. Hot and black like you want it."
Kathryn thanked him for the coffee and walked towards the window where she took a seat. She stared at the stars, losing herself in thought. She didn't notice Neelix walking towards her.
"Are you alright Captain?"
"Hmmm?"
"You seem a little worried."
"I'm fine Neelix", she tried to re-assure him, realizing however that he was right. "I just need some more of your splendid coffee."
"On it's way Captain!"
She took her second cup with her to the bridge. There seemed to be nothing
happening there that needed her attention. Chakotay was sitting in his command
chair staring at the computer next to him. He looked up as he heard Kathryn
enter the bridge, but she dodged his view. She wasn't in the mood for small talk.
She hadn't been in the mood for small talk for a while now. She was getting
rather tired of Chakotay's worried looks. She was getting rather tired of a lot
of things. What is the point of all this?, she often wondered. Sometimes
she just wanted to give up and settle down somewhere in the Delta Quadrant. But
her opinion and wishes didn't matter, she had a responsibility toward her crew.
She had to get them home.
Before Chakotay could say anything, she announced that she was going to be in
her ready room. Once there, she sat down at her desk and wondered what to do now.
She needed something that required her full attention. She didn't want to THINK
anymore. The door chimed. Chakotay. Please god, not more of his compassion. I
can't handle it today.
"Captain, permission to speak freely."
She waved her hand. Go ahead, make my day.
"Kathryn, the crew and I have been getting increasingly worried about you..."
"Chakotay please", she interrupted. "I don't mean to sound rude, but the last thing I need right now is yours or anyone else's compassion. Unless you have something important to say, please leave me alone."
"Kathryn, I..."
"That's an order, Commander. Dismissed!"
Chakotay frowned and left the room. She knew she was being too hard on him, that he meant well. That he was genuinely concerned about her. But there was really nothing he could do for her. Chakotay had been a good friend over the years, but right now he was not the kind of friend she was looking for.
Her duty shift passed and she strolled back to her quarters. She realized she had been staring at sensor readings all day, hadn't shown her face on the bridge at all. She sighed as she realized she was going to have to to face another one of those Chakotay-looks tomorrow. When she passed the holodeck, she considered some diversion. She could at least try.
"Computer, activate holo-program Janeway Alpha-Phi 6"
"Another holodeck program is currently active."
"Who's in there?"
"Seven of Nine."
That answer threw her off. A flash of last night's dream rushed back in her
conscious mind. Seven, her hair loose, her lips half-opened. Pressing Kathryn
against the wall and holding her tight. The captain had woken up the moment
Seven's lips touched hers, confused and dazed about Seven's uncharacteristic
behaviour. But it wasn't so much the image of the dream that disturbed her, it
was how she had felt. Like a schoolgirl with a secret crush on her teacher. Hot
and burning. Aching, like being loved by Seven was something she had wanted and
longed for as long as she could remember.
But she had never even had a passing thought about Seven of Nine in that way.
She was probably one of the least desirable partners on this ship. Sure, she was
good-looking, beautiful even, but she was cold as ice. The Borg had drilled all
the passion out of her.
The only way to get over this is to just confront Seven, Kathryn concluded.
One look in her passionless eyes should chase away this silly dream once and for
all.
The Captain straightened her shoulders and entered the holodeck. She saw Seven
was playing Velocity. By herself. The former drone had never gotten over her
defeat by Kathryn. As the doors slide shut, Seven turned around and faced her.
"Do you wish to join me Captain?"
Oh, Kathryn thought, this is not good. This is not at all what I had intended. All her feelings from the dream came rushing back. She looked at Seven and all of a sudden she felt like she was seeing a goddess. So beautiful, so beautiful...
"Seven, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you."
Kathryn started heading out the door. She needed to be as far away from Seven as possible. Even though honestly, she wanted to stay. Before she could leave, Seven responded:
"You are not disturbing me. I think I am ready for a rematch."
"Not now Seven, I am... tired."
"Are you afraid of being beaten, Captain?" Seven asked with a quirky smile.
She had come a long way from being a drone. But this was not the time to turn on the charm.
"No. Yes. I... don't know." Kathryn stumbled.
Even though her mind told her to get the hell out of there, her body and
heart told her to stay. She felt herself longing for Seven to live out the dream.
Push her against the wall. The kiss.... Oh, this was too much!
Kathryn turned around and ran away.
When she was safely back in her quarters, she realized she had made a complete
fool of herself. Get a grip, Kathryn she told herself as she was heading
for the bathroom. A cold shower was what she needed.
Moments later, she was walking around in her robe pondering over what to have for dinner. She felt much better. Until the door chimed. Now what.
"Yes?"
Who would come in but Seven of Nine. Great. So much for the cold shower. She suddenly became very aware of the fact she wasn't dressed.
"Captain, the doctor has told me to explore my sexual being whatever that may be. He explained to me what to do. I just need somebody to do it with. Will you be of assistance?"
What??? Kathryn couldn't believe her ears. Plunge right into the matter, why don't you, Seven
"Why me?" she managed to ask with a raspy voice, trying to maintain her composure, as she was wondering where this strange behaviour came from.
"You are my guide, my teacher. I trust you and respect you. I also desire you." Seven answered calmly.
At that she walked towards Kathryn and pulled off her robe. Her hand grabbed her neck and she pulled Kathryn's face towards hers. Their lips touched...
Again Kathryn woke up in a cold sweat. Another dream, and she couldn't even
remember dozing off. This is getting out of hand, she thought. She really
needed somebody to talk to. Now more than ever. But whom could she trust? Tuvok
seemed the obvious choice, maybe some of his meditation...
She had another cold shower and some coffee from the replicator in her room. The
more she thought about it, the less desirable a conversation with Tuvok became.
He was still her security officer, her subordinate.
She called in sick for duty, even though she knew that was asking for trouble.
If only she could just go away, have some time by herself, away from the ship...
She concluded the holodeck was as away as she was going to get. Once there, she programmed a sunny deserted meadow somewhere in the Rocky Mountains. She lay down on the grass and stared at the sky.
"Seven of Nine, tertiary adjunct to unimatrix 01, being alone in the Delta Quadrant has affected me in more ways that could have possibly foreseen. Not in my wildest dreams could I have imagined falling in love with another woman, but I have. I desire you and I need you to desire me."
She sighed. It sounded a little ridiculous spoken out loud.
She tried to relax somewhat and after a while she started drifting off in a
slumber.
She found herself in her quarters with Seven of Nine. She had just finished declaring her love to the beautiful young woman. They were staring in each other's eyes.
"Captain, I am uncertain as to how to proceed" the former drone declared.
"What do your instincts tell you, Seven?"
"Do you wish me to act upon my instincts, Captain?"
Kathryn nodded.
Seven slowly walked towards her, not letting go of her eyes. Suddenly, she
grabbed Kathryn's shoulders and hooked her leg behind the Captain's, causing her
to lose her balance. Before she knew what was happening, Seven had scooped her
up and tossed her on the bed. Kathryn was breathing heavily, in eager
anticipation.
Seven climbed on the bed and sat down with her legs on each side of Kathryn. She
grabbed her hands and pushed them in the pillows above her head. Then she bent
down and grabbed her lower lip with her teeth. Her bite was sharp and fast.
Kathryn screamed. The pain turned her on in a way she couldn't possibly have
imagined. Seven smiled at her, lovingly, whilst violently tearing the clothes of
her body. Her soft hands were moving over Kathryn's upper body, the cold touch
of the metal implants giving her a pleasant shiver. Kathryn arched her back,
urging Seven closer. She was now kissing her stomach, biting the skin, licking
her belly button. Slowly but surely, she was working her way down...
Kathryn woke up with a shock.
Two things were clear: this wasn't going to go away out of it's own and she
couldn't function until it was dealt with.
"You have always been a strong woman, Kathryn" she told herself. "I dare you to
be brave enough to face your emotions. Talk to Seven of Nine. Work it out."
Maybe if she laid her feelings out in the open, she'd be better equipped to deal
with them. Maybe Seven's cold logic would snap her back in reality.
She dare not think the unthinkable: that Seven of Nine would reciprocate her
feelings.
"Computer, end program. Locate Seven of Nine."
"Seven of Nine is in Cargo Bay 2"
It's now or never, Kathryn Janeway.
Kathryn headed for the cargo bay. With each passing step her decision to
confront Seven with her feelings seemed more and more ridiculous. What on earth
was she hoping to accomplish? Wasn't Seven's awareness of her feelings just
going to make things more complicated?
Yet, somehow, she knew this was the right thing to do.
She took a deep breath and entered the Cargo Bay.
"Seven, can I talk to you?"
"Of course, Captain"
"Seven, do you know what love is?"
"The doctor has explained the concept to me."
"Do you think you have ever experienced it?"
Seven frowned, as she seemed to contemplate the question before formulating an answer.
"When the Borg had ordered me to rejoin them and I had to leave you behind it ached me. I felt a deep loss at having to let go of you and Voyager. When I saw you turn the corner and realized it was the last time I was ever going to see you, it felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. It was a pain that I had not experienced until then."
Seven regarded the Captain for a second before continuing.
"When you came back to rescue me, I felt a happiness and gratitude that was greater than anything. If that is love, Captain, then my answer is yes."
Kathryn smiled the broadest of smiles as she felt the tension sink from her shoulders. If only she had known it would be this easy.
"Oh, Seven, you cannot imagine how happy it makes me to hear you say that."
Seven looked at her with one of those puzzled looks and raised her brow, no doubt wondering why her statement made the Captain happy.
Take one step at a time Kathryn, one step at a time.
"Seven, would you care to have dinner with me?"
"I do not require any nutritional supplements at this time. Do you desire my company for your" she paused for a moment as she seemed to search her brain for the right word, "entertainment, Captain?"
Kathryn could not help but grin. "Yes, Seven."
"Then I will comply."
I'm gonna take a little time
A little time to look around me
I've got nowhere left to hide
It looks like love has finally found me
Lyrics by Foreigner