Seven sighed. She was doing this a lot lately. She was supposed to working on a new route after a minor detour due to the burial of Commander Chakotay's body. She could not focus her mind to the task in hand. Seven stared at the blank Padd. It blinked at her. She had been finding it more and more difficult to concentrate since the time when she'd beamed herself into the Captain's quarters. It had been a week since that day and only now had she managed to get some control over her thoughts and feelings. Her work though, was another matter.
Captain Janeway seemed to carry a pained frown as a permanent expression on her face. This only changed when she looked at Seven and then regret flashed across before returning to the frown. Captain Janeway had emerged from her self-contained isolation and resumed her duties on the bridge. Other than in a professional capacity, they had not spent any time together. What time they had shared professionally was almost stilted and cold.
Voyager still wasn't at peak efficiency, but she was getting there: no longer limping through space, the crew had worked hard to repair the damage inflicted by the alien attack. Lieutenant Torres had returned to her duties, noticeably quieter than usual. Seven had also observed her spending a lot of time in the holodecks, without Tom Parris. Apparently distraught at the growing distance between them, he had in turn sought solace in the company of Harry Kim.
The return of Captain Janeway to the bridge signified a more positive way forward. People were slowing recovering from the shock of that last
attack. Morale though, was still low and Neelix had taken it upon himself as morale officer to try and cheer everyone up. He'd planned a small get-together for all the shifts to share and was busy catering to the food arrangements.
Still, none of this helped Seven concentrate on her work. She'd found herself beginning to wander the corridors at night instead regenerating. The ship's doctor had voiced his alarm only a few days ago when a crewmember had brought it to his attention:
***************
"Seven, I know that something is troubling you. I want to help you." His voice held concern.
"I am functioning within acceptable parameters Doctor," came her wooden reply. They were in Sickbay and Seven's presence there was by request from the EMH.
"From where I'm standing you’re not functioning well at all. You’re barely eating and you aren’t regenerating regularly enough." He snapped open a tricorder and proceeded to scan her.
Brushing the tricorderaway, her tone sharp she said: "I said that I am functioning within acceptable parameters." She made to move away.
"Seven, please! You need to rest. I’m only trying to keep you fit and healthy. It worries me that you are unhappy. I'm concerned about you." He stepped towards her again
"Why?" The question appeared to stop him in his tracks. Puzzlement showed on his face.
"Because you’re my patient and more importantly, my friend. I care what happens to you." He attempted to scan her again.
"There is no need for... your concern." She almost stumbled over her words. She didn't want him to care; she didn't want anyone to care and turned to walk away from him.
"Seven?" he queried.
"If you are finished I must resume my duties." She got as far as activating the door to the corridor, her feelings of loneliness threatening to burst out of her.
He tried again to get through to her. "Seven, whatever it is you are going through, I am only trying to help. If you persist in damaging yourself in this way, I’ll have no alternative except to go to the Captain."
She froze.
She turned to look at him. She saw the unease in his face. She knew that she did not want the Captain to know what was happening to her. She did not want the Doctor to know either, friend or not.
"I will go and regenerate now. When I am finished, I will go to the mess hall and take some nutritional supplements." She hoped that this would go some way in satisfying him.
"If you do that and make sure that you regenerate at least four times a week. I will not go to the Captain. However I expect you to report to me weekly so that I can make sure you are ok. Perhaps we can have a chat about some of the things that are bothering you." He smiled at her encouragingly.
"Perhaps." She replied, knowing that she would never 'chat' with him regarding this matter. She needed to carry this burden alone. Feeling that she had averted the danger of him alerting the Captain, she left.
************
He had not told the Captain to her knowledge now that she managed to maintain enough regeneration cycles to keep him happy. The Doctor still persisted in trying to talk to her but she felt that she could not talk to anyone. Seven felt bruised and deflated. She was confused by the Captain's treatment of her yet unwilling to let anyone criticise it. She looked down at the Padd and proceeded to add the data needed for the course change.
The doors to the Astrometrics lab whooshed open. Seven turned from her task to see Captain Janeway enter.
"Seven," she stated simply in her gravely voice.
Seven felt her synapses spark pleasure through her body. It seemed that every time she saw the Captain her implants would go into overdrive.
"How is the new course coming on?" Janeway questioned. The Captain regarded Seven, her expression guarded. At least it wasn't pained, like it had been.
"I am almost finished Captain." Seven slipped into autopilot; she heard her own voice answer the Captain but did not feel connected to it. As Seven moved through the lab, she felt the Captain's eyes on her. "I'd like to talk to you, Seven. When we're off duty."
Seven paused. She looked at Janeway and was disturbed by the grim face looking back at her. It made her heart sink.
"Would you meet me in the Holodeck?" Janeway pushed on.
Seven gave a small nod. "At what time Captain?"
"Seventeen hundred hours. I’d like to talk some things over with you." Janeway pressed a hand to her head as if in pain.
Seven noted this action and was caught by the concern she knew would be showing in her eyes. "I will be there."
Janeway studied her for a few moments; she looked as if she were going to say something further but then turned and left abruptly.
Seven expelled the breath that she'd been unaware she was holding. She closed her eyes and pictured the Captain's face... noting, every detail and line and she ran through the scenario in her mind once more. Trying to glean more from the expressions she'd seen on Janeway's face. Deciding this was a futile exercise she turned back to the Padd she was holding in her hand.
*******
At exactly 17:00 Seven felt trepidation as she paused outside the Holodeck,unaware of what was expected of her. Earlier, she'd spent some time looking into the mirror that the doctor had given her, trying to evaluate how she would appear to the Captain. She'd decided that if she were careful, no one would be able to see the pain she was nursing inside of her.
She entered the Holodeck. Inside was a dimly lit room with a large fireplace. The entire room was styled in the early 19th Century. There was a large mantle, which seemed to be cluttered with ornaments with no set order. The room itself had dark green wallpapered walls and a high ceiling with ornate coving. The lights appeared to be gas lanterns and there was even a thin layer of dust on them. White picture rails surrounded the walls and the wooden flooring had a thick coloured rug. There was a small door in the far corner with an old-fashioned doorknob. The furniture within the room was sparse. A large portrait of an unknown gentleman sitting on a horse, adorned the far wall and there were two rocking chairs set beside the fire with a small table between them. On the table were two mugs that, from the aroma, appeared to contain coffee.
Seated in one of the chairs was Kathryn Janeway, the only thing not in keeping with the apparent time of the room. She was still dressed in her uniform trousers and vest, her tunic lying behind her on the back of her chair. Janeway was staring into the fire and had not turned round when Seven entered.
"Take a seat." Janeway gestured towards the other chair.
Slowly, Seven moved toward the chair. She sat down and the chair rocked. Her eyebrows rose as the movement continued for a few seconds more.
"You haven't tried a rocking chair before, have you?" Janeway turned and smiled at her.
Jolted by the pleasure that the smile gave her, Seven struggled to find words. She paused and then replied, "no. What is the purpose of it?" Seven moved herself slightly forward and then with as much dignity as she could, prevented the rocking.
"It's supposed to be comforting. A reminder of the way parents rock their children when they’re about to put them to bed."
"I do not recall the sensation. It is not something I am familiar with." Now that she was settled within the chair Seven looked up at Janeway. It is amazing that just looking at Kathryn fills me with such joy and pain, she thought.
"If you aren't comfortable, I'll get you another chair." Janeway said interrupting Seven's thoughts.
"That will not be necessary, Captain."
"What do you think to the room, Seven?"
Seven noted that Janeway appeared to want to talk about trivial things. Small talk.
"It is from the early 19th Century. European. A typical example of the type of room found in the rural areas of England," she stated.
"I know that, I want to know what you think. How you feel?" Seven felt Janeway's intensity.
"It does not make me feel anything. It is pleasant to be in," looking around her. "It is warm and... nostalgic?"
"If that's how it makes you feel then yes," Janeway softly replied. She sighed, "this is the sort of room that you would find depicted in works such as Emily Bronte's 'Wuthering Heights.' I’d recommend it for you to read. Emily was part of a great writing family that lived in the early 19th Century. She used to spend her time, working with her sisters Anne and Charlotte and their brother Branwell, making up stories and writing them in very tiny books. This is a similar room to the one where they used to work. They lived in a parsonage in a small village in the north of England."
Seven did not know where Kathryn was taking her with this conversation. She waited patiently for her to continue.
"The three sisters wrote very powerful passionate books, yet their lives were very strict and simple." She gestured around the room.
“Sometimes, when I finish a shift, I like to come here and lose myself in a holonovel. Similar stories to the ones they wrote. You see," she leaned closer to Seven, "they had simple lives but passionate hearts."
"Captain, I feel that you are trying to convey something to me but I am unsure as to what it is." Seven looked at Kathryn and their eyes met. Kathryn's smile was intimate and warm. Seven was caught in the smile and was startled by her feelings. She could not look away.
"Seven, what I'm trying to say is that we lead simple lives on this ship. Our passions are kept beneath the surface and only come out in recreation."
Still confused, thoughts rapidly appeared and disappeared in Seven's mind; passions?
"I'm afraid that I haven't made myself clear," Kathryn paused. "We need to talk about what happened last week and how we feel about it." She looked down at the fire again.
Seven also looked down into the fire, watching the flames move and dance.
Taking a deep breath, Kathryn began. "When you beamed yourself into my quarters I was feeling horrible and lonely. I missed Chakotay and still do. His death has affected me deeply, and I must admit I feel a little lost and uncertain about the journey ahead. Things that mattered before no longer do so, and for the first time since we were stranded out here I didn't care about getting home. I clung to you when you offered me the help I needed and I've repaid you by ignoring you. For that I am deeply sorry."
She got up and walked around to the back of Seven's chair, Seven could sense Kathryn’s hands when she rested them on the back of the chair just above Seven's shoulders. Seven concentrated on the fire, feeling slightly unsettled and nervous. She kept herself perfectly still.
"I don't want to ignore you anymore. I want to thank you for having the courage to take me on." Seven felt Janeway's hands move to her shoulders, and shivered at the contact.
"If it hadn't been for you, I’d still be wallowing in my quarters not caring about anything." Janeway gently rubbed Seven's shoulders, apparently oblivious to the effect it was having on the sensitive Borg. She leaned down to talk into Seven's ear.
"You are one of my best friends aboard Voyager. I never realised before what you've come to mean to me. In a sense, Chakotay's death has made me see who you are."
"... I am Seven of Nine, former Tertiary Adjunct to Unimatrix Zero One, now part of Starfleet vessel Voyager," Seven stated as evenly as she could. She had to concentrate on her breathing; in out, in out; the proximity of the Captain creating a disturbing reaction in her stomach.
"Yes, you are!" Kathryn laughed, breaking the some of the tension that had filled the room. She squeezed Seven's shoulders. "I want to show you some things about my life. Things that make me happy, things that make me sad. I need to share my life with the people around me. People I care about."
The Captain moved round to the front of Seven's chair and, kneeling down, took hold of the ex-drone's hands. All this contact with Janeway was making Seven apprehensive. She needed space, yet she didn't want to break the contact between them.
"Captain I... need a glass of water."
Janeway looked at the untouched coffee and commanded: "Computer, replace the mugs of coffee with glasses of water." The computer complied. She handed one to Seven and leant back onto her heels.
"Seven, are you alright?"
Looking into Kathryn's eyes she struggled to answer. "I am functioning."
"You look tired. Have you been regenerating?" Janeway scrutinised her.
"I have been regenerating regularly and I see the doctor once a week." She dropped her eyes.
"Have you had trouble regenerating?" Kathryn probed.
"I... was not regenerating as regularly as I should have been. I have been unable to maintain control of the length of the cycle."
"Oh, Seven is this because of me? Because of all that's happened?" She took hold of Seven's hands again.
"I..." Uncommon to Seven, a tear began to well in her human eye and roll slowly down her cheek.
Janeway pulled her forward and held her, both of them kneeling on the plush rug. Seven let herself relax into the Captain's arms, the contact between them giving her what she'd needed so badly: Comfort.
They stayed that way for a few minutes, neither one of them moving, until Janeway pulled back slightly to look at her. Grey blue eyes locked and held hers as if in a trance, tenderly Kathryn pushed away the hair that had fallen onto Seven's face and she gently rubbed her thumb over the implant under Seven's ear. The young borg quivered at the touch.
"You want me to kiss you, don't you?"
Seven nodded.
Janeway moved closer, and Seven found her attention drawn to the softness of Kathryn's lips, with trembling fingers she reached up and touched them.
Kathryn closed her eyes. Emboldened Seven replaced her fingers with her lips and melted into a kiss. She heard a moan and then realised it had come from within as Kathryn pulled her into a deeper, stronger kiss.
Seven gasped at the exquisite caress of Janeway's tongue in her mouth. She surged towards Kathryn, her body clamouring to get nearer, to make the connection complete.
Then, they broke apart breathing heavily. Seven was left with a tingling sensation on her lips and put her fingers to them, she looked at Kathryn just as the Captain smiled at her and Seven felt the smile infuse her.
"I want to..." Seven paused trying to get her thoughts into some sort of order, "continue this... please."
"So do I, Seven. So do I." Kathryn whispered. She reached for Seven and gently stroked her hair. "I have to attend the party this evening but after that we can do this again. We shall have to talk some more."
"Will these feelings inside me stop?" Seven asked.
"What feelings are those?" Kathryn's mouth twitched into a smile.
"They are hard to put into words. I feel... I ... I can't identify them." Seven looked away, frustrated at her lack of ability to verbalise her thoughts. "I feel a kind of energy, but it is more than that. These feelings are overpowering and overwhelming. I cannot control them."
"Do you want to?" Janeway questioned gently.
"I wish that they did not make me feel so confused." Seven replied, feeling vulnerable.
"As long as they are pleasant then just hope that they don't go." Janeway pulled her closer again and kissed the top of the Seven’s head.
The computer suddenly stated the time.
"Our time’s up. I must get ready for this evening. Will you be going, Seven?" Janeway asked as she stood up.
"I do not know. I need to be on my own."
"I understand, but if you feel like it later I'd like to see you there."
Seven slowly rose. "I will think about it. Will I be able to kiss you at the party?"
A sudden anxiety filled Seven as she waited for the Captain to answer. Seven was unsure about anything beyond the room and was scared that it would all end as soon as she stepped outside the Holodeck.
Janeway responded after a pause, "I think it would be better if we didn't for now." Seven suddenly felt deflated. "However if you want to come to my quarters later, we can talk about it some more."
They activated the Holodeck doors together.
"I would like that, Captain."
Janeway reached out to softly caress the borg's cheek and then turned and walked out into the corridor. Seven stood for a few minutes as the program in the Holodeck disappeared, her thoughts travelling over the time she had just spent there with the Captain. Seven walked down the corridor heading towards Cargo Bay 2, with her mind on the evening ahead and what it would bring.