Logical Emotions
 

0945 hours
The Federation Starship Voyager was in orbit around a nondescript M-class planet.  The ship was in need of repair after their last encounter, and while half the crew performed the required maintainance, the other half indulged in some much-needed shore leave.  The Captain, however, was still deep in the throes of regret.  She hadn't left her ready-room for the past two days, and didn't intend to until she was through with this self-loathing business and ready to don the command mask once more.  In lieu of that eventuality, Kathryn Janeway sat brooding on her ready room couch, sipping coffee and contemplating the stars as she beat herself up emotionally - and she wasn't pulling any punches. 

What the hell was I thinking? Flying after the Equinox like I didn't have a crew to protect, like I didn't care about anything except punishing Ransom for dishonoring Starfleet and those four shiny pips.  What was it they always said about instinctive dislike? - Oh yes, we dislike most those people who exhibit the characteristics we hate most in ourselves.  Is that what this was about? Hating myself for having wandered so far from Starfleet rules and regulations? 

She took a long swallow of her favorite drink and steeled herself as it burned a fiery path to her stomach. 
And what about Seven of Nine?  I can't imagine what she must think of me now.  One minute, I'm acting like I'm her savior and the only person here who believes in her, and the next minute I'm a crazy woman firing on the ship that carries her.  In this case, though, I'm glad it was her.  Anyone else would have been understandably upset at my firing on the Equinox without a thought for their safety.  That doesn't matter though - who shouldn't matter. What have I come to as a Captain when I resort to thinking this way? I am accountable for my actions, regardless of who they effect - human, Borg, or otherwise.  Well, I'm obviously in serious need of a little down time.  But it might be something like closing the barn doors after all the horses have gone.  I can't help but think I've lost some of my crew's respect after this encounter.  I don't think Chakotay is ever going to forget how I acted and I wonder if I can ever forget his tone with me... 

Janeway exhaled deeply and closed her eyes, rolling her neck from front to back, side to side, trying to work the stress from her body and soul - completely bewildered at the way she had acted. 
The door chime sounded and Janeway stood, tugging self-consciously at the bottom of her jacket. 
"Come," she said, her voice raspy and hoarse from hours of silence. 

Tuvok, her security chief and friend of many years, entered and walked down the stairs, taking a place next to her on the couch.  He hesitated slightly, which was completely unlike him, as was visiting her ready room without a specific purpose.  The Captain tipped her head to one side and allowed a wan half-grin to cross her face.

"Can I assume by your less-than-forthcoming demeanor that what you are about to say is something that I'm not going to like?"  The Captain had a pretty good idea what he was going to say.  After all, Tuvok tended to think he knew what was best for her, and, it hadn't just been Chakotay who found her actions two days ago less than...logical. 

"I would never presume to tell you what to do, Captain.  However, I think I should mention that it has been a considerable amount of time since your last off-duty rotation.  I am also relatively certain that you have not eaten, showered or left this room for the last two days." 

Janeway was more than aware of her funk, both emotional and physical, but did not take the opportunity to say so since she knew Tuvok was acting solely out of concern for her. 
"So noted, Tuvok.  To tell you the truth, I was thinking about taking a break, anyway.  Anything else?" 

"That is all, Captain." 

"Thanks, old friend.  Dismissed." 

As the door hissed shut on her most loyal friend, Janeway began to wonder if things were worse than even she could have imagined.  Tuvok hadn't even threatened to sick the Doctor on her.  Dejectedly, she gathered up some padds, tried to put on her command mask, and headed for the bridge. 

"Chakotay.  You have the conn.  If you need me, I'll be in my quarters." 
As she stepped into the turbolift and headed for deck three, Janeway began to wonder how the hell she was supposed to occupy herself for the next three days.  She'd never appreciated R&R as a cadet, how was she supposed to handle it as a Starfleet Captain stranded in the Delta Quadrant and alienated from her crew? 

1200 hours
B'Elanna was on the planet's surface, stretched out full-length on a beach towel, and attired in a black bathing suit that barely covered her pertinent parts. 
"I don't know, Harry.  I just think everybody needs to take it easy on her.  I mean, how many times have I royally screwed things up?  She may have yelled at me a little, but there was never a hint that she just plain wouldn't forgive me." 

"Yeah Bey, but this just isn't like her at all.  Maybe she's burnt out or something.  I know I would be if I had been the one responsible for all this.  I wonder how she can stand that, knowing that we wouldn't be here at all if she hadn't destroyed the Caretaker's array?" 

"What, you're saying that's what she's going nuts over? Something that happened five years ago?" 

"Five years, B'Elanna.  Five years.  And in all that time, we're hardly any closer to home.  In any case, there's no excuse for the way she's treated Seven.  At the very least, she should have apologized." Ensign Kim had a very big crush on the Borg, even though she was clearly not interested in him. 

"I don't know, Harry, but I can tell you one thing.  If it were me, I would have passed horny about three years ago.  She's gotta be lonely - and completely sex-crazed by now....Damn it, Harry!! Quit laughing!  I don't know what you find so funny, anyway.  Every girl you ever had a chance with had something wrong with her.  Hey, when was the last time you got laid, anyway?  Damn laughing fool......Just because she's the Captain doesn't mean she isn't a woman..." 

1810 hours
Tuvok was in his quarters deep in Vulcan thought.  He sat on the floor, legs crossed, his fingertips pressed together in his typical pose of meditation.  He thought about his Captain and the situation she was in with a heavy heart.  Indeed, had Kathryn Janeway been some other captain, some captain he did not know on a personal basis, he might have relieved her of command himself during the Equinox affair.  And he found it strangely disturbing that he and the rest of the crew idolized her to such an extent that they had ignored their duties to the ship and eachother by leaving a Captain who was clearly unfit to command in charge of all their lives.  But at the time, it never crossed his mind to relieve her of duty.  And even now, he found himself wondering at her state of mind and her emotional well-being; he was curious what kind of trouble she was having personally that could so affect her command ability.  One thing was certain, he meant to find out what it was.  And if he could not, the next time she behaved inappropriately in her capacity as Captain, he would lead the mutiny himself. 

Janeway had spent the first several hours of her "confinement" in her quarters catching up on crew reports and personal logs.  At least that's what she was trying to do.  Instead, she'd found herself staring at the padd screens for hours on end, and when she went back to listen to her personal logs, they had recorded at least an hour of empty air.  Well, so much for catching up.  I'm obviously going to have to try to deal with this problem before I can expect to get any work done.  If I only knew what the problem was, perhaps it would be easier to solve.  Truth is, I haven't the faintest idea what made me go after Ransom in such a fit of fury.  Sure, he violated every ideal I hold dear, violated Starfleet rules, murdered innocent aliens...but that was no excuse for my actions.  Whenever possible, my first priority has been and always should be to protect my crew and my ship.  There was nothing to be gained by what I did.  And there was so much to be lost.  Seven of Nine, for one.  Janeway's thoughts were suddenly interrupted by gurglings from her stomach, and she abruptly decided that perhaps she should go to dinner, and at least put on an appearance of normality.  Janeway also thought that perhaps she could use a second opinion.  She had often found that her seemingly emotionless security officer knew her better than she knew herself.  And that was just what she needed right now - someone who could tell her why she did what she did.  Then, at least, she might avoid making the same mistake in the future.  She clicked her comm badge quickly, before she could change her mind. 
"Janeway to Tuvok." 

"Tuvok here, Captain." 

"Tuvok, would you like to join me for dinner in the mess hall?" 

"I had plans to meet with Seven of Nine at 1830, but you are welcome to join us..." 

"Yes, fine.  1830 it is.  Janeway out." 

She wasn't at all surprised to learn that Seven and Tuvok were meeting.  The two of them had a rather close relationship, probably due to the fact that they were practically the only logical beings on board.  Also, Tuvok fancied himself a sort of mentor to the Borg, a fact that did not seem to bother Seven at all.  Janeway couldn't help being impressed with how quickly Seven had found her place on Voyager, amidst a crew that was all too aware of the pure evil that was the Borg Collective.  And the young woman's strides toward humanity - or at least toward a better understanding of it - were no small achievement either.  It was one of her better decisions to sever Seven from the collective and retain her.  The young woman was beautiful, smart, and adaptable, not to mention an invaluable resource when it came to dealing with new species and planets. Yes, it would be nice to dine with Seven tonight, she's always good company. Kathryn looked in the mirror smiling and tugged the few out of place strands back into formation.  She had a distinct bounce in her step as she walked to the door, her shoulder-length auburn hair blowing slightly as the doors to her cabin - and her depression - hissed shut behind her. 

1835 hours 
Seven sat primly in her seat, her hands fidgeting and kneading one another in her lap.  She did not know how long the three of them had been at this table, but was convinced that it was longer than the customary time.  She found this situation difficult, nearly unbearable, especially since she did not wish to see or speak to the Captain right now.  She felt quite nauseous, and was overly conscious of her heart hammering painfully in her chest.  She wanted desperately to be anywhere but here, but at Tuvok's behest, she was making a concentrated effort not to show it.  So, rather than leaving altogether, Seven had simply allowed her mind to wander - a rather un-Borglike thing to do - even as she was involved in some technical conversation with Tuvok.  But she could not help stealing occasional glances at the Captain as the smaller woman shoveled nutritional supplements into her mouth with the ferocity of some starving wild animal.  She was hurt completely by the Captain's disregard for her safety.  She had acted like Seven was less important to her than any other crew member.  Before, she had considered herself important.  She had apparently been operating under a false assumption - it was obvious now that the Captain did not like her at all, but considered her of less importance than her other un-Borg crewmembers.  She, Seven of Nine, Tertiary Adjunct of Unimatrix 01, was much more dispensible here in her new collective than she ever was in the Borg collective - at least she felt like it.  She had a sudden and complete desire to return to them at that moment, to hide from this new hurt, to be a drone once again.

"Seven, are you functioning properly?" asked Tuvok. 

"I am...operating within normal parameters.  Please continue with what you were saying." 

Seven lifted her right hand to her face - which suddenly seemed warm, though that was biologically impossible - and self-consciously brushed a lock of silver-blond hair away from her face. 

"Seven!" The Captain's spoke her name in an alarming half-whisper.  The Borg felt her blood turn to ice in her veins.

"Seven," said Tuvok evenly, "You have injured yourself.  Report to sickbay immediately."  Seven could tell that the Vulcan was concerned for her - not for her physical injuries, but for her "feelings", which he explained had been "hurt" by Captain Janeway.

The Borg looked down at her human hand and found that it was indeed damaged.  Judging from the accumulation of blood and tissue on the metal and mesh implants of her left hand, she was relatively certain that it had been this way for quite some time. She had not realized that she was fidgeting so roughly. 

"I will comply."  Seven turned and walked quickly from the mess hall.  Every eye in the place turned to focus on the Captain of the vessel, and they weren't very happy. 

"Tuvok," Janeway's voice was low and gravelly - it seemed somehow caught in her throat. "Would you care to tell me what the hell that was all about?" 

"I'm sorry, Captain.  I do not know what you are referring to.  However, if you are truly concerned about something, might I suggest that you speak with Seven of Nine.  The crew tells me she listens rather well." 

Tuvok stood up with his tray and headed for the recycling unit. 
"Damn it, Tuvok..." 

Tuvok spun around. "Permission to speak freely, Captain?" 

"Yes, of course." 

"I find myself in a rather unique situation.  I have taken as my friends the two strongest women on Voyager.  Until recently, those two relationships have been worthwhile, and I have never been in a position wherein I had to choose one over the other.  I do not wish to do so now.  It is my suggestion that you speak with Seven as soon as possible...if she will speak with you."  Tuvok turned on his heel and left Janeway standing in the middle of the mess hall alone.  As the Captain walked from the room, she felt the eyes of her crewmembers boring holes in her back, searing mortal wounds into her soul.

Kathryn walked down the corridor to the turbolift, tears running freely down her cheeks. Tuvok's giving up on me now, too?  God, the disappointment, the dislike in his voice... And Seven, I never wanted to hurt Seven, she's the only positive thing that's come out of this whole experience, and probably the only reason I've held it together as long as I have.  Funny how people questioning your every move can do that to you.  No, it's more than that.  I know it is, I just didn't allow myself to see it before.  The only reason I was happy at all tonight was because I knew she'd be there...her captivating beauty, her intelligence, the way her eyes shine when they find mine....Damn.  I've got to get out of here - off this ship.  These feelings for Seven only make things worse.  She would never return them, and I can't have relationships with my crew...I can't stand this anymore.  I can't live everyday with everyone hating me. They can get themselves back to the Alpha Quadrant.  I'm tired of going it alone.  I've been a good Captain to these people for more than five years.  I make one screw up and suddenly they all hate me? Well, I'm certainly not going to be forced to stay the next thirty years on a ship I can no longer command.  I'll stay on this damn planet alone first.  Maybe Chakotay'll let me take the bathtub... 

1840 Hours 
"Please state the nature of the medical emergency - Ah, Seven, what brings you by?" 

"Doctor.  I have inadvertantly injured my....ha..nd..." Seven broke down in tears, deep, heaving, and uncontrollable sobs racked her entire body. 

 "Seven, you aren't in pain, are you?" 

"Pain?  Yes, pain.  I am Borg, but I feel pain.  My feelings hurt.  My feelings hurt just like a normal person when someone disregards me..." 

"Seven.  I mean physical pain - from your wound.  And who has "disregarded" you?" 

She sniffed and sat up straight on the biobed.  "I should not be discussing this with you.  Tuvok said I should just be patient and "bide my time" until....." Seven started crying again, shaking as the Doctor tried in vain to treat her wound.  "But the time is never going to be right, Doctor.  She never even liked me, she forgot me, fired on my ship...she never even apologized.....I thought someday we would be.....Well Tuvok says I love her....and we had assessed that she loved me....but if she never even liked me....." 

"Seven, try to pull yourself together.  If there's one thing I've learned about humans, it's that you should never expect them to act logically.  Whoever this person is you're speaking of is quite obviously not as self-aware as you are.  Tuvok is quite right about biding your time, but if you should find yourself unable to do that, perhaps you should just say what you have to say for better or worse so you can get on with your life."  The Doctor was quite aware that Seven was speaking about the Captain.  He had long assumed that the two would eventually...come to an understanding.  The signs were hard to miss. 

"What if she really does not like me?" 

"I don't want to know anyone who doesn't like you, Seven, and neither should you." 

Next Day 0600 Hours 
Kathryn Janeway had been up since the previous evening mulling over her options and trying her best to think clearly despite her injured pride and her deep-seeded hurt and resentment.  She had injested countless cups of coffee and consumed pounds of chocolate.  Finally, she convinced herself that her initial decision was the right one, both for herself and her crew.  Knowing that she was acting correctly, making good choices again, was a great relief to the Captain, who had begun to think she was incapable of deciding even one more thing.  So, after taking an extended shower and replicating a breakfast fit for a Captain and First Officer, she light-heartedly tapped her communicator and began her new life. 

"Janeway to Chakotay" 

"Chakotay here, Captain."

"I've made us some breakfast if you'd care to come next door and share it with me." 

"On my way, Captain." 

Janeway, weary from her mental and emotional trek assembled the padds she had been working on near her plate, and hurriedly transferred Voyager's command codes from herself to Chakotay.  Almost immediately, the chime sounded Chakotay's arrival. 

"Come in," she said. 

"Well, aren't you looking chipper this morning.  Finally roll off the right side of the bed?" 

"Actually, I haven't been to bed in several days, but don't let that alarm you." 

Chakotay was silent for several minutes, chewing his food and contemplating the strange look on the Captain's face.  When he'd finished off his pancakes and drained the better part of his orange juice, he folded his hands across his chest and looked Kathryn Janeway dead in the eye. 

"Alright, Kathryn, I'll bite.  What's going on?" 

"Well, I guess there's no use beating around the bush.  I've decided to leave Voyager and resign my commission effective immediately.  On these padds, you will find messages to various individuals - Tuvok, Seven, B'Elanna, Harry, Tom, you, of course.  And, if you ever get home, I'd appreciate it if you would deliver these to my mother and my sister."  Her voice cracked as she mentioned Gretchen and Phoebe - thoughts of seeing them again had sustained her for the last five years.

"Kathryn, I don't know what to say.  Is this some kind of sick joke?  Trying to teach me a lesson?  Listen, you don't have to, I was sorry for contradicting your orders even as I was doing it.  I didn't agree with you, but hell, it wasn't the first time..." 

She held up her hand to silence him. 
"This has nothing to do with your actions.  This is about me.  I am unfit to command - I admit that without hesitation.  According to Starfleet protocols I must remain distant from my crew, I am not allowed to form normal friendships or...relationships with any of them.  After much consideration, I have come to the conclusion that my aloofness from the crew and everyone around me, the fact that I must remain completely and utterly alone during this endless journey, is precisely to blame for the way I conducted myself on the bridge three days ago.  And I know that the future of my command would be no less horrifying.  Thus, I cannot continue as Captain.  Nor can I stay on in some diminished capacity - my ego is far too big for that, as you should know very well by now.  So rest assured, Chakotay, this is not your fault.  You acted completely within the bounds of reason and logic, as has everyone else.  I understand why everyone is angry with me, why they dislike me.  They cannot trust me anymore.  By extension, they cannot believe that I will ever get them home.  Truthfully, I probably can't.  Maybe I never could.  But a good Captain and tall ship lend themselves to the possibility.  When I made the mistake of putting a vendetta above our first priority - to get home safely - the crew lost all hope.  I was the one who took it from them.  The fault is completely mine." 

"You're serious.  I can't believe you're seriously considering this.  What has gotten into you, Kathryn?  You make one mistake, have one bad day and suddenly you're done with Voyager, with all of us?  And forgive me for assuming too much, but I thought we were friends - I'm sure other people held that misconception as well.  And where do you mean to live for the rest of your life, by the way?" 

"You are a fine man Chakotay, I've always thought you were.  This entire crew is wonderful, there is none better in the universe.  But you cannot consider me your friend.  There can be no true friendships formed when the two individuals stand on unequal footing.  It has been my mistake, getting to close to all of you, allowing myself this when it is clearly not what Starfleet intended.  But no more.  I'll resign before I dishonor this uniform anymore.  As to your other question, I intend to live on this beautiful planet.  According to the scans, the vegetation and animal life is compatible with human anatomy.  There is a supply of fresh water from a mountain spring.  I won't need to take much with me.  The ship is yours, of course.  However, I would ask that you hold off informing the crew of my whereabouts until a few days after your departure.  And don't let any of them feel guilty.  Tell them exactly what I told you." 

"Kathryn, you know, this isn't the Alpha Quadrant.  We are further away from home than Starfleet ever dreamed it was possible to be, you can't be expected to live entirely by rules that don't fit this situation." 

"Come on, Chakotay.  Say I did stay.  Say I struck up new friendships and found someone to share my quarters.  How much respect would I have then?  I'd be just another member of the crew - someone they played pool with on their off-duty rotations.  I'm Starfleet, I know why these rules are in place.  In the tough situations, it's much easier to take orders from a Captain you trust implicitly than from a friend - no matter how valuable that friend may be."

"There's no convincing you, is there?  Of course not.  There's never anything I can say once you've made up your mind." 

Kathryn smiled, acknowledging his friendly familiarity, his joking in this time of sad but necessary good-byes. 
"I plan to depart in a few hours.  I'll be busy packing up my quarters.  Would you be so good as to make arrangements for my transport - as quietly as possible?" 

Chakotay nodded his assent.  "Of course, Kathryn.  I'll gather up the supplies you'll need as well.  I suppose you'll want the bathtub?" 

"I thought you'd never ask." 

1200 hours 
Tuvok had not seen or heard from the Captain since the previous evening.  He knew he'd been especially hard on her.  He had not attempted to "choose his words carefully" - something he usually did with all the humans he interacted with.  Too much truth presented too straightforwardly often upset the delicate emotions of less-than-logical species.  Considering the fact that the Captain was already very upset, his unchecked words could have done some serious damage indeed.  He regretted his decision to keep his Captain in the dark about the situation with Seven.  In his dealings with Kathryn Janeway, he found that he often made the mistake of attributing to her Vulcan characteristics - assuming that she must logically know certain things and know herself also.  From her reaction last night, it was clear that she did not know that which was so obvious to him - she was lonely and alone.  The Starfleet protocol she held so dear had forced her decision to remain so here in the Delta Quadrant.  This business with Ransom had only been a reminder - albeit a very powerful one - of the bigger problem.  Just as Ransom had violated Starfleet rules by killing those aliens, Janeway had violated it by destroying the Caretaker array and interfering in Delta Quadrant business.  He understood and agreed with her motives for doing so.  However, he was also all too aware of the consequences of that decision - for all of them.  But especially for the Captain, who had forced herself to live separately from everyone else on the ship.  This was not the Alpha Quadrant; Alpha Quadrant rules, many of them, did not apply here.  The Captain could not be expected - by herself or anyone else - to continue to operate without some companionship.  And Tuvok was fairly certain that he knew where she could find some.  He made a mental note to pay her a visit once his duty shift ended. 

1400 hours 
Chakotay was extremely surprised that no one had questioned the Captain's whereabouts.  She had transported with her considerable amount of belongings at 0800 that morning.  He had performed the transport himself.  Her communicator had been left in Holodeck 2, which they figured would buy them a couple hours of extra time before the crew were well aware that something was amiss.  In the meantime they'd been cruising at Warp Five. 

People had been addressing him as "Commander" all day.  He found that he had no desire to correct them.  He no more wanted to be captain of this ship than the man in the moon.  His stomach quaked when he dared to think a few hours in the future, to a moment when the game would end and everyone would be left wondering what they'd done to lose the best captain a starship ever had.

1430 hours 
"Tuvok to Captain Janeway." 

"Tuvok to Captain Janeway."  The computer was stubbornly silent. 

"Computer, locate Captain Janeway." 

"Captain Janeway is in Holodeck 2." 
I suppose she could use the relaxation.  My apologies and suggestions can wait a few more hours. 

"Computer, locate Seven of Nine." 

"Seven of Nine is in Astrometrics." 

Tuvok walked briskly to the turbolift and waited patiently for it to reach it's destination.  He was of the opinion that his previous tactic of having Seven "bide her time" was no longer logical.  Seven was obviously miserable with her secret, and the Captain, his dearest friend to date, was having great difficulty navigating the Delta Quadrant all alone.  Clearly, the two women were attracted to one another, and they seemed to genuinely enjoy one another's company.  There was no reason why they should not be together.

The doors swished shut behind him as he entered Astrometrics.  An ensign from engineering had a panel off one of the consoles performing some maintainance, but other than that, the room was deserted. 

"Ensign, have you seen Seven of Nine?" 

"No, sir." 

"Computer, locate Seven of Nine." 

"Seven of Nine is in Astrometrics."

"What the hell...?" the ensign mumbled. 

He stood up behind the console, Seven's abandoned comm badge in his right hand. 

1500 hours - Conference Room 
B'Elanna was standing in front of her chair, fuming mad, her Klingon side out in full force. 
"I can't believe that you, of all people, would allow the Captain to do this.  Neither of you had any right to decide for us.  She should have talked to us before doing something like this.  And you, you should have told us what was going on before we ever left orbit."  She dropped into her seat when she finished, the full weight of the situation pressing in on her.  Hadn't she told Harry they needed to give the Captain a break? 

"With all due respect B'Elanna, if she didn't want to be here anymore, if she felt like she was no longer effective, and if she was convinced that the entire crew hated her implicitly, then she had every right to go."  Chakotay said.  He was certain that the crew needed to hear this piece of information, since it had been the motivating factor in Janeway's decision to leave. 

Tuvok spoke for the first time, seeming almost guilty. "I regret, Commander, that I may have inadvertantly played a part in our current state of affairs.  I have always considered the Captain my friend.  Unfortunately, yesterday evening after dinner, she may have gotten the mistaken impression that I no longer wanted to be hers.  Of course, I was merely trying to assert the importance of a reconciliation between the Captain and Seven.  People who so obviously demonstrate their attraction and affection for one another should not argue.  It is detrimental to both parties." 

An astonished silence fell over the entire room, save for the Doctor, who chuckled melodiously from the other side of the table.  "I can't believe you didn't know.  You'd have to be blind not to see...hahahaha...." 

"I guess that explains why Seven felt compelled to go after her," said Chakotay. "Though how she managed to slip through undetected, I'll never know." 

"Well, Harry, like I said, the Captain is a woman after all,"  B'Elanna was quick to point out that her theory had been correct, but in fact, she was just as surprised as anyone else that the stoic Kathryn Janeway felt an attraction to someone on Voyager.  She was somewhat jealous that the Captain had never expressed an interest in her. 

"I don't know what anyone else thinks, but I really don't think crew morale can take another hit.  This ship cannot be without its captain." Neelix had been angry at the Captain for the past few days just like everyone else.  But could not abide leaving her on a deserted planet - he knew that if the situation were reversed, the Captain would never have allowed someone else to make such a decision. 

"Well I say we swing this bird around, maximum warp back to that planet," Tom Paris would have never stood by while the Captain sentenced herself to exile.  He couldn't believe that Chakotay, who seemed to know her so well, would do so either. 

"I'm with Tom - let's bring the Captain and Seven home." For the first time in several days, Harry Kim beamed from ear to ear.  He didn't know why, but somehow he was absolutely certain that things were going to be just fine. 

0801 Planetside 
Seven materialized about a mile from the Captain's location.  She took cover in the nearby forest for a several hours - she wanted to make sure Voyager was long gone before she spoke with the Captain.  Of course, she was not the Captain any longer - a fact Seven had been aware of since 0600 this morning when she eavesdropped outside the Captain's pitifully soundproofed quarters.  She had been there on a personal mission...one she had delayed for far too long.  She was completely grateful to the Doctor.  His advice had proven timely, if nothing else.  Seven could not fathom what would have become of her if she had been forced to remain on Voyager without Kathryn Janeway.  Thankfully, her Borg hearing allowed her the decided advantage of knowing their plan.  All she had to do was find some way to disguise her transport and arrange things so she would not be missed.  For an ordinary crewman, that task might have proven difficult, but for Seven of Nine, formerly of the Borg Collective, it was all in a day's work. 

1530  Janeway's Base Camp 
Kathryn lay quietly on the ground, barely breathing, hidden from view by the large boxes of supplies she had yet to unpack.  A phaser set to heavy stun was gripped tightly in her steady hands as the sounds from the forest behind her habitat grew steadily louder.  Whatever it is, it certainly isn't making any effort to be quiet.  In all of her experiences with wild animals, she had yet to encounter one that did not make an effort to be quiet when stalking its prey.  She had obviously made an error in judgement thinking that the area wildlife would leave her alone for a day or so before venturing out to test her.  Well, whatever it was would be very sorry indeed that it had opted to defy her expectations. 

When the sound approached the edge of the habitat just out of Janeway's view, it abruptly came to a stop. 

"Captain, are you in there?"

Seven? 

"Seven?  What are you doing here?" Janeway got up off the ground and dusted herself off, placing her phaser back in its pocket on her utility belt. "Chakotay didn't leave did he?  I should have known he wouldn't do as I..." 

Seven stepped around the corner of the habitat, her exquisite form visible to the older woman for the first time.  She pretended not to hear the sudden intake of breath from Janeway. 
"On the contrary Captain.  I am certain that Commander Chakotay and Voyager have been gone for several hours.  I am here alone, and quite without their permission or knowledge." 

Janeway wasn't going to ask how the Borg had accomplished that little stunt, and in fact, at the moment, she wasn't even curious.  She had spent the morning trying to be happy, finding only that she was more completely alone now than she ever thought was possible in her role as Captain of Voyager.  She would have been glad to see anyone at this moment, but found the sight of Seven so overwhelming that she thought her heart would burst from her chest. 
"Why?  Why did you come here?  I cannot allow you to stay, you're entirely too valuable to Voya..." 

"I do not think that you are in a position to lecture me about what Voyager needs.  You have taken away the crew's best hope for getting home by exiling yourself to this planet.  They cannot continue without you - Chakotay should have known that." 

"There are reasons for my choice, Seven, let's just leave it at that.  I'll radio Voyager to come back and get you." 

Seven closed the distance between them to less than a pace. 
"I will not leave this planet without you.  You would not leave me with the Borg, and I can not leave you here.  I will not." 
The Borg was displaying a side of herself that Kathryn had never seen.  She seemed on the verge of tears - her ice blue eyes had taken on a glossy shine, and her chest heaved with her effort to control her emotions.

 "Seven, that was different and you know it." Janeway's voice took on a gentler tone as she shifted her focus from her own anger to the obviously distraught Borg.  "I choose to be here and it is best for everyone involved if I stay.  I am not fit to command - you saw the way I acted.  And I still can't believe I fired on the Equinox with you aboard.  I don't know what I would have done if something had happened to you." 

The Borg cocked her head to one side and locked eyes with her Captain, her mentor, her friend, and the woman she had loved since she became conscious of her feelings.  "You are sorry for forgetting me?  You do not dislike me?" 

Kathryn felt her heart break.  No wonder Tuvok had been so insistent that she speak with the young woman  "Seven, of course I'm sorry.  I don't what has gotten into me lately. And I could not dislike you.  In fact, I consider you one of my best friends."  Kathryn could not bring herself to say what she really felt - that every moment she spent with Seven was better than the last, that being with her made everything easier, that she was beautiful and smart and wonderful, that she wanted her completely, with everything she was, wanted to take her now and hold her forever.

"I am happy that you do not dislike me, Captain, I had considered you a friend, as well." 

"Seven, please.  Call me Kathryn.  As you can see, I am not on duty.  Nor am I likely to be any time soon." 

"Actually, Voyager will probably return in a few hours, Kathryn.  But I have come here for a reason, and I intend to share that with you before they get here."  The Borg's intonation had changed slightly, and if Janeway hadn't known better she would have sworn there was a hint of seduction, of sensuality in that exquisite voice. 

Kathryn's voice caught in her throat at the mere thought...Finally, unable to speak, she nodded her assent and steered Seven to a seat on the cargo boxes. 

"Kathryn, you should be aware that every since I was severed from the Collective, there has been no one whose friendship I value more than yours.  I enjoy your intellect and I admire your strength.  Recently, however, I began to feel increasingly uncomfortable in your presence.  In some ways, things between us were the same as they had always been, but there seemed to be something else there that neither of us wanted to say.  Approximately one month ago, while we were playing Velocity, I experienced what Tuvok calls a "fantasy", the details of which are probably irrelevant.  What matters is that after carefully exhausting all the other explanations, Tuvok and I came to the conclusion that I am, in fact, in love with you."  The young woman looked completely exhausted and exasperated from her self-revelation. 

In love with me?  In love with me? In love, with me? Oh Katie m' girl, how'd you manage that?

"Seven, I....I don't even know where to begin."  Kathryn's elbow rested on a box to her left.  As her confusion intensified, her left hand drifted up to cover her mouth, her thumb rested comfortably in the hollow of her cheek. 

"Kathryn, please, would you mind using my human designation - Annika?"  Seven was trying to be patient and let Kathryn take the lead, but it was most difficult.  Finally, she just had to believe that whatever Kathryn's response was initially, she would eventually come to realize her true feelings. 

"Alright.  Annika."  Janeway's heart beat faster as her heart whispered the beautiful name of the woman she adored.  "How is it that you know you are in love with me?" 

"When I am in your presence, my heart rate increases, my eidetic memory ceases to function properly, and I begin to "fantasize", even when I am supposed to be performing specific tasks.  I feel insufficient to be in your company, yet paradoxically, I desire it on a constant basis."  The Borg paused, waiting for Kathryn to say something. 

"Okay.  Sev - Annika, if I may ask, why didn't you tell me this before?" 

"At first, I was convinced that if I merely allowed you more time, you would come to realize your feelings.  This was what Tuvok thought I should do.  He explained that even though your affection for me was obvious to him, you may not be aware of it yourself.  He said even if you were aware of your feelings, you may choose not to do anything about them because of your role as captain of Voyager.  For a while, I was content to wait for you to do something, but soon I became overwhelmed by my love for you.  Then, just as I was about to tell you, I was sent over to the Equinox.  After that, I became convinced that not only would you never love me, you had never even liked me...." A single tear fell from the Borg's right eye as she thought of her journey to this point.  She truly did not know what would become of her if Kathryn could not return her feelings. 

"Annika....well I suppose there's no point in trying to smooth things over or explain this away.  It's not like I'm Captain Janeway anymore, right?" Kathryn took deep breath and let go.  "The fact is, I do have feelings for you, Seven, although I don't know that I was consciously aware of them until last night.  However, it seems that in that time I have fallen completely and utterly in love with you.  You are intelligent, you're beautiful, and your compassionate, innocent heart speaks directly to mine.  If I had been paying any attention to myself at all these past weeks, I probably would have noticed the fact that I spend all day looking forward to our time together, and that I invade your personal space every chance I get..."

Seven very much wanted Kathryn in her personal space - right now.  Without any memory of how she got there, Seven suddenly found herself kneeling on the ground before her Captain, her arms pulling the older woman tightly to her chest as her mouth tried to consume her whole.  Kathryn hesitated for the briefest fraction of a second before allowing the sensation of Seven's body against hers to sweep her away from every Captain-like thought she'd every had.  She tangled her hands in the Borg's flaxen hair, pulling her closer than it was possible to be.  An exquisite sound, a few tones higher than her normal speaking voice, involuntarily escaped Kathryn's lips as Seven parted them with her tongue. Seven's heart fluttered madly at the sound, and she was suddenly keenly aware of every scrap of clothing and metal between them.  Kathryn, unwilling to be the only one being pleasured, found Annika's tongue with her own, touching it with light teasing strokes.  The Borg's voice was a hoarse whisper as she moaned her pleasure and desire into Kathryn's mouth.  Seven pulled away slightly, Kathryn's mouth chasing hers as it retreated, as if she was starving for nutrients that could only be found in the sweet warmth of the Borg's mouth. 

"Kathryn.  Kathryn."  Finally the Captain stopped her hungry pursuit long enough to lock eyes with Seven. 

"Yes, Annika."  Kathryn's breath was being expelled in long ragged gasps; her eyes were positively aflame with her long-suppressed desire and need. 

"I want you, Kathryn.  I want to feel you naked beneath me.  Can we do that now?" 

Suddenly, the Captain froze, her eyes locked on something over Seven's shoulder.  Her reply was flat and even, no hint of expression in her voice. 

"Normally, Annika, I would have no problem with that.  But Commander Chakotay and Lt. Tuvok over there might find the situation slightly uncomfortable." 

Epilogue
Kathryn Janeway, captain of the Federation Starship Voyager, took a deep breath and walked to the front of the mess hall, the warm eyes and applause of her crew building her confidence and nourishing her soul. 

"Thank you.  As you know, I've resumed command of Voyager as of this morning.  Although I've already made amends with my officers, I'd also like to apologize to all of you.  I know that it will take some time for you to trust me as you did before.  But you should know that what happened will never happen again.  I am confident in my ability to command this vessel back to the Alpha Quadrant, and as always, I know I can count on you to help in any way you can.  So.  What do you say we get back to work?" 

More applause and joyous yells accompanied her exit from the room.
And somewhere near the back of the crowd, a Borg and a Vulcan turned to face one another.  One smiled widely, beaming with pride and love.  The other arched the brow over his left eye in what could only be called a smirk. 

THE END