That Old Black Magic
 

Captain Kathryn Janeway was in her ready room pretending to work - and she wasn't pulling it off very well.  For the tenth time today, she resettled into the chair behind her desk with a fresh cup of replicated coffee and stared at the depressing vista before her.  Padds containing the daily maintenance reports, system anomalies and crew reports/requests were scattered haphazardly about the desk.  Today, at one time or another, she had accessed them all.  Unfortunately, she found that her mind was simply incapable of performing these menial tasks this morning.  And apparently, her frustration with the day to day duties was obvious to others, as well.  Chakotay had already visited her twice, attempting to convince her that perhaps she should have taken an additional day off.  She had assured him that she was quite capable of returning to work, and indeed she was - if she could just persuade her brain to attend to the matters at hand.  But somehow the various logs and benign reports didn't seem as important as Seven of Nine.  She found this somewhat disturbing considering that they hadn't even commenced their relationship yet.  And Kathryn knew that it was assuming alot to think that they would.  It was entirely possible that Seven no longer wished to be around her at all - let alone in that capacity.  

A month ago, the Captain had become absorbed in a depression which she felt necessitated removing herself from Voyager.  With the assistance of Commander Chakotay, she had smuggled herself onto a habitable planet, where she intended to live the rest of her days.  Later, after the crew noticed Seven's absence and was informed of the Captain's decision, they insisted on returning to collect their missing members.  In the mean time, Seven and the Captain had met on the planet's surface and began what both thought would be a long relationship.  However, once they returned to the ship, Janeway found it difficult to maintain that perspective - her responsibilities as captain haunting her horribly.  In the next month, she withdrew from her friends and began blatantly ignoring Seven - something that was so hard for her that she recoiled into an inner darkness and became an alcoholic.  Finally, Tuvok devised a means to rid the Captain of her addiction and the moral and command dilemmas causing it.  Since the evening of the mind clearing mind-meld, Kathryn had felt an insatiable longing for Seven - it felt as though she were back on the surface of the planet, the promises of a relationship still hanging in the air.  However, that was not the case.  Her actions had not only affected her, despite the fact that she never intended them to touch other people.  Indeed, she feared that what she had done to Seven in that horrible, dark time could never be repaired.  

Slowly, the Captain leaned back in her chair.  Her arms came to rest at her midsection, the delicate coffee cup balanced at the center of her ribcage.  A long sigh escaped her lips. There was only one logical thing to do, and she was just desperate enough to do it.  
"Janeway to Seven of Nine."  

"Yes, Captain."  Seven was not alone.  She was in Engineering assisting B'Elanna Torres - a fact she hoped the Captain had taken note of when she perused the maintenance schedule for today.  

"Seven, I would like to speak with you in my quarters when your shift is over.  Unless you have other plans, of course." Kathryn wasn't sure why she'd added that last part.  Maybe she felt the young woman deserved a way out of this after all she'd put her through.  Or, perhaps the out was for her.  She'd never been particularly good at eating crow, and it was something she rarely did as a Starfleet captain.  

"Captain.  I am assisting Lt. Torres in Engineering.  I anticipate spending several more hours here."  

"Oh....Well, you have to take a break sometime.  When was the last time you regenerated?"  The Captain tried not to let her disappointment and fear overcome her or be exposed to Seven.  What if her attempt to make up with Seven was too little, too late?  

"29.6 hours ago."  Seven intoned.  She wondered if Kathryn intended to observe her regeneration - it would not be the first time.  

"Well, I expect you to as soon as you possible - that's an order.  We can arrange to meet some time later....Janeway out."  Kathryn took a breath, realizing she'd been holding it, and kicked herself for not insisting on the meeting now.  It wasn't like everybody on the ship didn't already know what she'd done to Seven.  But, she reasoned, I'm not good at making amends, especially in front of an audience.  And with B'Elanna's mouth, the whole ship would hear about it.  Still, I need to get this behind me so I can get some work done.  No.  I can't treat Seven like a problem that needs to be resolved - I'm the problem. The truth is, I just want to see her and talk to her again - It's been a month without her.  Abruptly, Kathryn found herself engaging in two things she never allowed - self pity and jealousy.  Maybe she had overestimated her importance in Seven's life - perhaps their late night talks and philosophical discussions had been of more importance to her than to the Borg.  And she could not help but acknowledge the fact that time had passed.  It was probable that Seven had found someone else to share her thoughts with.  She wondered briefly who that lucky individual might be. 

"Seven, I can't believe you." B'Elanna, spanner still in her hand, turned to face her friend.  "You've spent forever mooning over the Captain, then when the opportunity finally arives for you to do something about it, you don't.  What's going through that strange little Borg brain of yours anyway?"  Seven had a lot more confidence than she did.  If it were her - which of course it wasn't - she wouldn't have felt comfortable enough to keep the Captain waiting.  She wouldn't have wanted to either.  

Seven was accustomed to the friendly sarcastic banter, and opted not to address it.  "I considered her request and thought that such things could easily wait.  It is not ship's business, I'm sure.  What we are doing is."  

"Oh, so you thought you'd punish her a little, turn the tables, is that it?"  B'Elanna could understand the inclination.  She was a little hard on people who chose to be in relationships with her, as well.  Although, she tended to lean toward aggression rather than passivity.  

Seven raised her implant-covered brow in amazement at how well this woman had come to know her in such a short time.  "Not exactly, B'Elanna.  I have opted to "play hard to get." I have ascertained that this an acceptable tactic for someone in my position."  

"Sev," B'Elanna took a deep breath and settled into the discussion for the long haul. "You aren't like other people.  Neither is the Captain.  She must feel really awful about what she did to you.  If I were you, I'd be afraid of doing anything to scare her off again.  Besides, "playing hard to get" isn't really suited for this.  It's used to lend more anticipation to a situation.  Personally, I don't know how you can stand any more waiting.  It seems like you're punishing yourself as much as you are the Captain."  

"I would hope that Kathryn would not be so easily deterred from an objective," said Seven.  

"You're right, I don't think she would.  But you shouldn't play games with her feelings, Seven, it isn't right.  She's the Captain, and frankly, I'd like her to be operating at peak efficiency as much as possible.  She's already shown that she can't be without you, what more do you want?"  

"Perhaps you are correct, B'Elanna.  How do you think I should proceed?"  

"Well, for one thing, maybe you should stop taking other people's advice - including mine.  Do what you think is right.  After all, she fell in love with you for who you are."  

"Who I am?  Interesting."  Seven cocked her head and looked at the woman she was working with.  "Who am I, B'Elanna?"  

"You know who you are, Seven.  You are Borg, as you so frequently remind me.  But you are also human, even though you may not remember much about it.  You're intelligent, beautiful, strong, and compassionate.  That's probably just the tip of the iceburg.  Hell, if you didn't irritate me so damn much, I might be in love with you myself."  

"Intriguing.  I wonder if Kathryn feels this way as well?"  

"I'm sure she does, Seven."  

"Really?  I never meant to irritate her..."  

B'Elanna rolled her eyes.  "Seven, go regenerate before I kill you."  

"Yes, B'Elanna."  

Kathryn held the delicate coffee cup in her hands and stared idly into the center of the room, thinking about nothing.  It was a conscious effort to keep her mind clear, but one she found effective.  The less she allowed herself to think about things, the better off she'd be.  In fact, the Captain was in the early stages of accepting the possibility that Seven and she might never be together.  That she had made another bad decision that resulted in disaster.  She was somewhat grateful that this time the disaster had been limited to herself.  But what a toll this girl has taken on me!  I neglect my work, become an alcoholic, for God's sake!   And now she may not even love me anymore.  How could I have been so stupid, so blind?  I don't think I can keep breathing without her.  I guess Tuvok didn't consider the possibility that she would reject me, neither did I.  I should have anticipated all the possibilities, that's what it is to be Captain....But I'm not the Captain of this, I'm not in charge of her feelings - or even mine for that matter.  

On the second chime of the door, Janeway pulled herself up out of her reverie.  She cleared her throat and took a quick drink of the tepid coffee, "Come in," she said.  

Chakotay entered slowly but deliberately and crossed the room to plant himself stubbornly on the couch.  

"Yes, Commander, what can I do for you?"  Kathryn got up from her desk and moved to join her first officer.  

"You can take the rest of the day off."  

"Excuse me?"  

"Kathryn, go see her.  I can't stand to see you like this anymore."  

"I'm fine - really.  Anyway, she's regenerating."  

"That never stopped you before."  

Kathryn felt the color rise into her face.  She didn't know he knew about her visits to Seven's alcove. "I...Well, Commander, it seems you know more about my business than I thought."  

"Yeah well, you hear things."  

"No, I don't hear things.  That's what you're here for.  As Captain, I'm never privy to the latest gossip - let alone when it involves me." Her voice had taken on a defensive edge.  

"I suppose not.  But you know you want to, so why don't you?"  

"She may not want to see me.  In fact, I know she doesn't - she tried to wriggle out of meeting with me by saying she had work to do in Engineering."  Kathryn really didn't think she should be sharing all this with Chakotay, but the fact was, he'd seen her in far more compromising positions before, and she was beginning to feel almost comfortable with their personal rapport.  

"She wants to see you."  

"You don't know that."  

"I do.  B'Elanna tells me everything - unless it has to do with me, of course."  He grinned.  

"B'Elanna?  She and Seven...talk?"  Kathryn wasn't sure what she thought of her Klingon engineer forming a friendship with Seven, but she felt the beginnings of jealousy stirring uncomfortably inside her chest.  

"They have become friends since...well, they're good friends."  

"Oh."  Kathryn knew exactly what he'd been about to say.  Seven and her Chief Engineer must have become friends while she was drunk in her quarters pretending she could live her life without a certain Borg.

"Does that bother you?"  Chakotay seemed slightly amused at her obvious discomfort.  

"No, no of course not."  

"Kathryn.  You're not very good at lying." 

"I am so.  Just not about this."  

"No, I guess there are some things that just can't be kept secret - and shouldn't be.  You must really care for her to allow yourself to be affected like this - I must say, it's something of a treat to witness it....the confident and all-powerful Kathryn Janeway seething with jealousy."  

"Chakotay, this isn't funny."  

"Of course not Captain.  But it is awfully silly.  Go see Seven before you drive yourself crazy."  

"Aye aye, sir.  I'd like to know when you started giving me orders."  

"When you started needing them."  Chakotay got up, straightening his uniform.  "Are you coming?'  

"Yes, just let me clean up this mess..."  

"Kathryn...."  

"All right, all right, I'm coming.  You can clean it up.  I'll be in Cargo Bay 2."  

Kathryn stood before Seven, loving her, drinking her in with her eyes.  She had observed her so often during her regenerative cycle - posted like a sentry at the Borg's side, as if she needed protection.  At least, it must have seemed that way to those who had observed her visits.  In fact, she did feel protective of Seven, but that wasn't why she stood here - now or then.   It was a very intimate thing, watching someone sleep.  And as a Captain who wasn't allowed to love Seven on the job, she took her solace in these times, when she could stare and devour Seven with her adoring gaze as long as she pleased.  Often, she would stand here for so long that she would eventually need to sit down.  Some time later, she would awake suddenly and scramble to leave before Seven's cycle was over.  She couldn't imagine what she would say if Seven ever caught her in this position - curled up at her feet like some affection-starved animal.  

She stepped closer to her now, not making contact but desperate to.  She so wanted to touch the young woman - to trail her fingers lightly against the ivory skin, and run her fingers through Seven's beautiful long hair.  But she would not.  Not without knowing how Seven felt.  For sure.  She eased herself onto the floor, her crossed legs propped on the step of Seven's alcove.  She continued her worship from here - tracing the exquisite contours of the Borg's body, wanting to touch her, hold her, profess her undying love.  But mainly, Kathryn kept her vigil out of fear.  The greatest fear she had ever known - that Seven did not love her anymore.  

Seven's cycle wasn't finished when she opened her eyes, but the computer's statement to that effect did not disturb her sleeping visitor.  The ex-Borg was not surprised to find the Captain sleeping at her feet; she had expected Kathryn to visit this evening.  She was, however, concerned.  Kathryn was curled tightly into a ball, arms wrapped around herself as if she were cold.  Her eyes blinked rapidly - she was dreaming.  As she stooped to the Captain's side, Seven noticed that Kathryn's cheek was wet - tears running freely down her face.  She wondered why the Captain was so upset.  Then she thought that perhaps B'Elanna had been correct about tormenting Kathryn further.  Of course, it was illogical to assume that the Captain was dreaming of her.  Nevertheless, she felt powerfully protective of this woman.  Kathryn had given her a new life aboard Voyager, and she had jeopardized herself and her crew on more than one occasion to come to the Borg's rescue.  Seven extended her human hand and lightly brushed the tears from Kathryn's face.  Silently, she laid down beside the woman she loved and wrapped her in a warm embrace.  She felt the Captain settle in against her, but knew that she remained asleep.  

"Kathryn, wake up."  

It was early morning, nearly time for Alpha shift.  Seven was on her knees in front of the Captain's prostrate form, her fingers lightly entwined in her auburn hair.  

"Hmm.  Ooh, ouch.  Forty-five year old bones shouldn't sleep on metal.  What time is it?" Her voice was sleepy.  

"It is 0600 hours.  Your duty shift begins in one hour."  

"Oh God.  I've been here all night?  Why didn't you wake me when you finished regenerating?  I wanted to talk to you..."  

"You were sleeping peacefully; you need your rest and I did not wish to disturb you.  I ascertained that the conversation could wait until later."  

Kathryn noticed the fingers in her hair for the first time, and leaned her head back to enjoy the sensation.  Then she sat up, leaning on her left arm, and looked the girl in the eye.  

"Seven, I'm so sorry about all this.  I didn't mean to hurt you.  I had convinced myself I could not allow our relationship.  But I was wrong.  I can't be without you anymore.  I love you, my darling, I hope you can still love me after all this."  

"I have never ceased to love you, Kathryn."  

The older woman felt her eyes tear at the unwavering compassion of the ex-Borg.  Her tears of relief overflowed her lids and cascaded steadily down her face.  She reached out and wrapped herself in Seven, wanting only to remain here with her forever.  

"It is alright, Kathryn.  I am here."  Seven pulled the Captain to her, her strong hands running up and down Kathryn's back.  "My Captain, you must stop this.  You and I are fine.  We will be together."  She moved the older woman back enough to gaze into her blue grey eyes.  When Seven observed the depth of love and relief and happiness in Kathryn's eyes, she felt her heart constrict in sympathy.  "Kathryn, I am sorry that you have put yourself through this, but it is over now."  

"No, it isn't.  We still need to discuss what happened - what I did, why.  I want things to be right between us.  I want us both to understand this.  Before it goes any further."  With an effort, Kathryn extracted herself from Seven's embrace and stood up slowly, trying to stretch the kinks from her neck and back.  "After our shift, I'd like to meet with you in my quarters."  

"That would be acceptable."  

"Well, I guess I better get home and make myself presentable for my shift."  

"Yes.  You should consider utilizing the site to site transport.  You are rather...disheveled."  

Kathryn looked down at her wrinkled and dirty uniform as she put a hand to her hair.  
"Agreed."  Before she could lose her nerve, she wrapped her arms around the young woman once more and brushed her lips lightly against Seven's.  Then she stepped back, feeling that it was enough for now - this awkward first date offering of affection.  When she was confident that Seven had found it agreeable, she said, "Computer, site to site transport from Cargo Bay 2 to my quarters." 

Kathryn was gone in a curtain of light.  Seven of Nine, formerly of the Borg collective, was left to revel in the bliss of her resumed relationship.  Kathryn Janeway, Captain of the Federation Starship Voyager - her mentor, her friend, her beloved - was finally able to love her in return.  

Chakotay was immediately aware of the change in the Captain's demeanor.  Her reverie was no longer one of sadness and uncertainty - rather, it seemed that she was living on Cloud 9.  She'd also spent a great deal of time stretching and cracking various parts of her anatomy this morning, which he found quite interesting.  He had concocted all sorts of explanations for this behavior since the shift began several hours ago, and his curiousity was finally beginning to get the best of him.  As Voyager's First Officer and one of her Captain's best friends, Chakotay felt that it was absolutely imperative to have a little fun with the Captain while she was in this state.  A bit of friendly bridge banter never did any harm, right?  

"Well Kathryn, you're certainly glowing this morning."  

"Excuse me?"  

"I said, you're glowing.  You look wonderful.  Care to share your secret?"  

"I'm not sure what you mean, Commander.  But thanks for the compliment."  She stole a brief coy glance into his eyes, which were positively dancing with mirth.  But she wasn't going to be baited today.  

"I came by your quarters this morning to invite you to breakfast - you must have gotten an early start today.  Out pacing the corridors again?"  

Damn, Janeway thought, there's no getting past him, is there? The Captain raised her head and looked around the bridge, noticing the acute silence for the first time.  Tom and Harry were diligently trying to conceal their eavesdropping, but it wasn't getting past her.  

"Commander.  Ready room - now."  

"Yes ma'am," said Chakotay, glee dancing about his dark features.  

The ready room doors hissed shut behind them, and Chakotay's laughter bubbled forth as he grabbed his chest from the exertion.  

"What the hell do you think you're doing Chakotay?  The Bridge is not the time or place to delve into my personal life.  God.  And I thought I was going to have problems with Seven..."  

"Oh take it easy, Kathryn.  Everybody gets ribbed on the Bridge - even you engage in it from time to time.  How many times have we teased poor Harry over the years?  And Tom, you're absolutely merciless with Tom!"  

"I'm the Captain, for heaven's sake!"  Kathryn took a deep breath and looked Chakotay in the eye for a few seconds before continuing - a more reasonable tone to her voice now.  "But you're right, in the past I have also engaged in Bridge-banter.  It's just that right now everything is still so questionable.  I just got back, Chakotay.  I need to get some of my respect back, from myself and my crew, before I can fool around like I used to.  You understand, don't you?"  

"You're right, Captain, of course.  I'm sorry."  

"It's alright."  She waved her hand, wiping the blame from the air.  "Now, as to your question..."  

"I know.  It's none of my business."  

"You're right, it isn't.  But you won't let me be till I've satisfied your curiousity, so I might as well tell you now."  

Naturally, as they had so many times before, Chakotay took a seat on the couch, and Kathryn settled in beside him.  

"Well, as you know, I went to see her.  When I got there, she was still regenerating.  So I watched her for awhile, and eventually I fell asleep--"  

"-You fell asleep?"  

"Yes.  I find the sound down there rather comforting - I often catch myself sleeping."  

Chakotay's light chuckle caught Janeway a bit off guard, but momentarily she continued, a flame of love and happiness glinting in her blue eyes as she recounted the scene to her friend and confidante.  

Seven of Nine found herself standing outside Kathryn's quarters all too soon.  She had set a slow pace from Astrometrics; she wanted plenty of time to arrange her thoughts and compose herself before undertaking this conversation.  Her trepidation was born largely of her uncertainty - she simply did not understand why this exchange was necessary for the continuation of the relationship.  She was aware of what Kathryn had done - indeed, she had the emotional scars to prove it.   However, regardless of her past actions, it was obvious that Kathryn was ready to be with her now, and she certainly wanted to be with Kathryn.  When the Captain had offered her apology, Seven had not hesitated to accept it.  So what was there to discuss?  She could not help but think that there was some nuance of this situation that she was missing.  Obviously, there was a disparity between Kathryn's perceptions and her own.  Seven attributed it to her long-time assimilation in the Collective.  It seemed logical to conclude that the Borg were to blame for this - after all, they had been responsible for every horrible event in her life.  Here, on Voyager, Seven was forced to adapt constantly, her Borg conditioning was something she battled every moment of every day.  Humanity was not an easy thing to learn.  She paced the hallway rapidly, her long strides taking her to the end of the hallway much more quickly than she desired.  She turned on her heel and started back, determined to control her anger and understand the complexities of the Captain's request for this seemingly extraneous conversation before entering the quarters.  

Kathryn sighed disgustedly.  A heavy dose of irritation inflected her voice as she repeated her query.  

"Computer, locate Seven of Nine."  

"Seven of Nine is outside the Captain's quarters."  

"Well damn."  Janeway had checked the whereabouts of her much anticipated guest every thirty seconds for the past ten minutes.  What the hell is she doing out there?  Maybe this isn't going to be as easy as I thought.  Kathryn leaned forward on the couch, her elbows on her knees, and surveyed the candlelit room around her wondering if she'd jumped the gun. Probably.  But she wanted so much for everything to be perfect.  She and Seven needed this time to get reacquainted after their long separation.  Surely Seven thought so too.  So why was she so hesitant to come in?  Had she decided not to forgive Kathryn her past cruelty and indifference?  No no no.  Let's not jump to conclusions.  Seven didn't routinely say things she didn't mean.  So, why not just go see what the problem is?  Yes, just go to the door and see.  It can be any worse than this insufferable waiting...  
Kathryn walked to the door and it hissed open at her approach.  Seven was at the other end of the corridor, walking in her direction.  

"Captain, I apologize for my late arrival.  I...was uncertain how to proceed.  I do not understand what remains to be discussed.  I was trying to ascertain that before entering your quarters." 

Kathryn could see that Seven was genuinely confused about the situation, and she quickly dismissed the remainder of her impatience.  "I just wanted to talk to you awhile, Seven.  To make sure everything that has happened is out in the open.  I want us both to be honest with one another from the outset.  I don't want anything to come between us again - not like this."  

"I am aware of all that has transpired, Kathryn, yet you persist in your desire for this conversation.  I do not understand this - perhaps I am not as well-versed in humanity as I thought."  

"There are some things - like humor - that elude you occasionally Seven, but this situation...maybe there really isn't anymore to talk about.  I just feel so terrible about everything.  I guess I just want to hear you say that its over and done and we can go on from here.  I know you've said it before, I just seem to have a hard time accepting it, I guess - I don't know how you can be so forgiving.  I know I couldn't be."  

"You could, Kathryn, if it were someone you loved.  You would have no more difficulty doing so than I have."  

Kathryn didn't even hesitate in her response.  "I love you, Seven.  And you're right, if it were you...I think I could forgive you anything - not that I ever want to be put in a situation to find out..."  Kathryn slipped her arm around the young woman as they walked slowly into the Captain's quarters.  Once inside, Janeway turned around to face her beautiful companion, staring up adoringly into her eyes.  

"So, you don't want to talk this evening, is that what I'm gathering?"  

"If you think that more conversation on the topic is warranted, then we should engage in it.  However, if you are motivated to do so because you believe that I require it, I assure you that I do not.  There are other activities I would prefer to engage in."  

"What are you suggesting, Seven?"  Kathryn's heart beat faster at the idea of Seven's arms wrapped around her, the enhanced Borg strength pressing them together...  

"I believe that I would enjoy engaging in another kiss, if it would be agreeable with you."  

"Yes, I would find that quite agreeable, Seven."  Janeway paused for a microsecond, expecting the ex-Borg to make the first move.  When she didn't, Kathryn did, standing on her tiptoes to comfortably reach Seven's lips.  When she and Seven's lips met this time, it was much different than the last.  Different than the cargo bay this morning, even different than on that planet so long ago.  The communion of their lips was perhaps the most intimate thing that could ever be shared between two people.  This time, they came together knowing what it meant for both of them. And, because they had lost it once, they now knew without reservation exactly what it was worth. 
 

THE END