Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager restlessly paced the upper level of her Ready Room, raking her right hand through her shoulder length auburn hair, her left clutching a cup of lukewarm replicator coffee.
Taking a deep breath and pushing it noisily from her almost pursed lips, she finally came to a halt staring blankly out her viewport at the distorted starfield streaking by. Her head was reeling and after what she and nearly half her senior staff heard from the Doctor in the Holodeck just hours before, she was almost certain hers wasn't the only one.
The Doctor's confession was, at the very least, shocking to hear. He admitted that he kept a record of her most questionable command decisions, broke Doctor-patient confidentiality with regards to Tuvok's health and insulted Harry's musical skills. A very faint grin tinged with mild amusement touched her lips when she suddenly thought of B'Elanna; he could thank his lucky ‘matrix’ that he made no such confessions regarding B'Elanna. She might just have decided to forgo the rescue attempt on his matrix entirely. But the cause for the Captain's restless pacing was not the fact that her ship's EMH had insulted half her senior staff, including herself, it was his open declaration of love to Seven of Nine, Voyager's Astrometrics Officer, and former Borg drone.
Seven was rescued from the Borg by Captain Janeway some three years prior, when the Captain formed a temporary alliance with the Borg Collective in their war with Species 8472. Resulting in Janeway severing Seven's link to the collective, when it became apparent that the Borg intended to betray Voyager's crew and assimilate them after Species 8472 was defeated.
The thought of the Doctor's declaration of love nauseated her to the pit of her stomach. He had said that he'd been in love with her for years. "Gmph," she snorted, held up her coffee cup towards the viewport in a mock toast and grumbled loudly "As if you are the only one Doctor. Take a number, preferably one somewhere behind your Captain's."
As for Seven, she clearly looked more than a little uncomfortable with the Doctor's declaration, but not completely unsurprised. She had, in fact, tried on two occasions to divert the Doctor's attentions, to keep him from his confession. As if she had she known what he was about to say. How could she possibly have known, unless...
"Oh, Kathryn, wake-up, she is not stupid and from the looks of it, also not very naive concerning romance anymore." her conscience chastised. "After you so mildly put it to her to try romance for herself, you should have expected nothing less than for Seven to execute it as if it were a direct order. She's so damn loyal to you."
Kathryn's heart started beating a little faster as the memory flooded her senses. She still remembered the warmth from Seven's hands permeating her uniform, when she helped affix that cursed pip. "If it wasn't for that damned pip..." she muttered.
Kathryn Janeway cursed that moment, because it was that moment of closeness with Seven that finally got the untouchable Captain Janeway to admit that she was still only human, and that she felt more for Seven, so much more than was appropriate for a Starship Captain towards a crewmember. She was attracted to her.
Very attracted.
Don't go there she thought. You know it's impossible. Besides, Seven regards you as her mentor, not....
The chime to her Ready Room interrupted the natural completion to her thoughts. "Come" she said, slowly turning around, only to be faced with the object of her musings as Seven of Nine stepped through the door and walked, as was her nature, purposefully towards Janeway. She stopped short in front of the stairs to the upper level of the Ready Room, giving her Captain the advantage of height by not ascending the stairs. She knew that her height could be intimidating, and she often used that to her advantage, but not with her Captain. Not anymore. The time of rebelling against this commanding woman had come and gone. Now there was only loyalty... fierce loyalty... and maybe something else too.
For a moment Seven could only stare at her Captain, whom, uncharacteristic of her Borg nature, she considered very aesthetically pleasing, with her unmatched, beautiful classic features, rich auburn hair and her penetrating blue/gray eyes. The Borg used to consider such things as aesthetics and emotions irrelevant. However, since Seven was severed from the collective, and subsequently been forced to accept her humanity, she had been taught to appreciate some of the things the Borg had considered irrelevant, and recently, she had come to realize that she found her Captain aesthetically pleasing. Apart from that, the Captain evoked certain emotions and physiological responses in Seven, which at the same time both exhilarated and confused her.
Seven stood staring at her Captain as these responses caused a momentary lapse in her concentration, making Janeway frown lightly.
She's distracted, thought Janeway. Seven never gets distracted!
Curiosity peaked; she could wait no longer to be let into the mind of her Borg. Her Borg? Not yet Kate, an unsettling little voice, deeply submerged, reminded her. Whoa, Kathryn, get a hold of yourself, what do you mean not yet. She is a member of your crew, no matter what you feel for her she is still that, a member of your crew. No romantic liaisons with crewmembers, remember.
Janeway cleared her throat in an attempt to find her voice and gently prodded "Seven?" Seven looked up at the Captain and a very faint blush crept up her cheeks. She had been caught, which according to the Doctor is called, daydreaming.
Inefficient, she thought, what would the Captain think? She would most certainly disapprove.
"Seven, are you alright?" Janeway tried again, that faint blush did not go unnoticed under her scrutinizing gaze. She had memorized that face and it was singed into her memory, every expression, every nuance, but never before had she actually seen Seven blush.
Seven, feeling a little overwhelmed by the intensity of her emotions and the accompanying physiological responses, straightened her posture and clasped her hands behind her back. Hoping that by reverting to her Borg security she could shake this sudden feeling of vulnerability and at the same time divert the Captain's attention from her discomfort.
"Yes, Captain" she responded in her usual clipped tone. But it took her another few moments to recollect just why exactly she was here in the Ready Room with the Captain. Why had she come to see her? There was a specific reason... oh yes...
Janeway found herself slightly amused and thoroughly intrigued by Seven's uncustomary lapse. So she gently prodded again, not wanting to intrude, but also not really in the mood to enter a 'staring contest' with Seven. She still had a ship to run, and with Seven in her Ready Room looking vulnerable even after she stood to attention, thinking about ship's matters had flown right out of the nearest airlock. All she really wanted to do was wrap Seven up in her arms and comfort her.
Get on with it Kathryn, her responsible Captain's voice urged. "Is there something I can help you with, Seven?" she managed.
"Yes, Captain. It concerns the Doctor, it's about his confession of love" she said flatly.
"Aah, I see?" Janeway responded.
"Well Captain, I am uncertain on how to proceed ..."
Janeway felt the blood draining from her face. Was Seven considering a relationship with the Doctor? What a fine mess Mentor Janeway, fall in love with your "protégé" then help her establish a romantic relationship with someone else. Just the natural course of events. Yeah, go ahead, help her... help her rip your heart out of your chest.
Her voice sounded slightly strained, even to herself, when she spoke again. "Proceed? Proceed with what Seven?"
Seven noticed the strain in the Captain's voice too, and wondered what the Captain thought she was asking. So she tried to clarify. "I am unfamiliar with the human custom to... ‘deal’... with such a declaration. I do not know if I should acknowledge the Doctor's feelings and 'respectfully decline', or if I should just 'forget he ever mentioned it'. Lt. Torres suggested the latter, but I thought you to be the best person to consult in this matter. Lt Torres is not renowned for her sensitivity concerning other individuals."
A faint smile tugged at the corners of Janeway's lips as she considered the implied insult to her Chief Engineer and the wonderful news that Seven did in fact not return the Doctor's feelings.
Respectfully decline. Phew Kate, you still have a chance. Kathryn get yourself together, it's not like you are planning to pursue her in any way, shape or form.
The smile faded momentarily as Janeway briefly pinched the Bridge of her nose before rubbing gently at her temples, this constant tug of war between her Starfleet principled mind and her love-loaded heart was beginning to take its toll in the form of a rapidly expanding headache.
She looked up at Seven, who regarded her with interest, her head cocked to the side as if trying to discern her discomfort. This typical look from Seven was enough to lure Janeway's 100 Megawatt smile, long since in hiding, to her face.
Shaking her head, she felt a little lightheaded at how good it made her feel to smile like that again, and for a moment she considered how thoroughly inappropriate it was that a member of her crew, and a female crewmember no less, that was responsible for this, just as she was struck by a brilliant idea.
Seven for her part witnessed in mere seconds, amusement, discomfort and joy on the Captain's face, and whilst wondering what had brought about this range of expressions, she had to stabilize her knees which started buckling the moment the Captain flashed that glorious smile at her. Seven of Nine.
She was concentrating so hard on remaining standing that she, nearly missed the Captain's next words. "Seven, I really want to discuss this matter with you, but now is not the time. We are both on duty and since this is of a personal nature, why..."
"Captain to the Bridge." Commander Chakotay's voice interrupted her momentarily.
Janeway wanted to scream at her First Officer's timing, instead she rolled her eyes and slapped her comm badge with some frustration, nearly barking her affirmation "Janeway here. I am on my way Commander."
Then she looked back at Seven and her eyes softened involuntarily her voice noticeably following suit. "Why don't we get together after our duty shifts today, you can meet me in my quarters, say at 1900 hours, we can discuss it over dinner?" She held up her hand to forestall the objection she expected from Seven. "I know that you don't really prefer to ingest solid nutrition, but I know that you can. So will you indulge your Captain, and have dinner with me while we discuss this matter?" she paused briefly as she remembered not to make it an order, but an invitation. "That is, if you don't have anything planned after your shift?"
Dinner? Dinner!? In your quarters!? What the hell are you doing? Oh shush, dammit. It is an innocent invitation, we will have dinner and just talk about her dilemma, Janeway's ingrained principles incessantly and mercilessly struggled with her very juvenile heart.
While Janeway looked at Seven, waiting for a response from the younger woman, she could have sworn that, for a millisecond, surprise graced Seven's features, she dropped her gaze and studied her hands. By the time she looked back up it was gone. I probably imagined it anyway, she thought.
Seven quickly hid her surprise, but it took a moment longer to get her suddenly leaping heart under control. It was just another opportunity to have a philosophical discussion on the nature of individuality, it certainly wasn't an uncommon occurrence by any means. But the fact that the Captain had voluntarily issued the invitation and that the invitation included dinner was surprising.
"That would be acceptable, Captain," she managed without sounding as affected as she really was. "I have no other engagements this evening."
That afforded Seven another bright smile from Janeway as she stepped down from the stairs and stood right in front of Seven. She lifted her hand to Seven's shoulder and let it slide down her upper arm as she spoke again still smiling.
"Good, let's get back to work, and I will see you at 1900 hours, Seven. Dismissed."
Seven acknowledged the Captain's words with her customary curt nod, turned on her heels and left the Ready Room a little disoriented by Janeway's behavior.
Janeway took a few moments to gather her wits before she risked stepping out of her Ready Room. Naturally, when she eventually did step onto the Bridge, she did so with her command mask firmly in place, and an air of undeniable authority exuding from her, as she felt Voyager drop out of warp.
Commander Chakotay, Voyager's First Officer and the Captain's second in Command, was accessing the workstation between the two command chairs. The dark-haired bear of a man, with a tanned complexion and a cultural tattoo adorning the left side of his forehead, immediately relinquished the occupation of the Captain's chair as Janeway strode across the Bridge towards him.
"Commander, report." Janeway asked almost wearily, still with her usual authority intact as she glanced around her Bridge, not entirely sure exactly what to expect. Her conversation with Seven temporarily pushed to the background, but not entirely forgotten.
She took in all the faces of her Bridge crew, their schooled expressions revealing nothing, everything looked in order, but from countless previous experiences she had learnt that appearances can be very deceiving. Either her crew had been exceptionally well trained during the last 6 years of being lost in the Delta Quadrant, or the matter at hand was not entirely too serious.
She frowned briefly at this last thought, Chakotay was not in the habit to call her to the Bridge unless it was a dire emergency such as an impending attack by hostile aliens or a really remarkable spatial phenomenon. Suddenly Janeway found herself hoping against all odds that it was the latter. She did not want to miss out on the opportunity to spend some time with Seven.
In the beginning Seven came to her for help, even at times bothering her during the Gamma shift, coming to her quarters for assistance or clarification on some or other query on human behavior, often ending up in a lengthy philosophical discussion or debate. It had always been the Captain's intention to help her Astrometrics Officer adapt to and accept her humanity, but it had been a while since Seven had looked her up out of her own volition. That only suggested her Astrometrics Officer was adapting to humanity so well that she no longer needed the council of her Captain nearly half as much as she did, say, up until as recently as a year ago,...
Kathryn, pay attention to the matter at hand her responsible inner voice belted out, ringing loudly in her head, the lapse in concentration causing her to nearly miss Chakotay's report.
"... when long range sensors picked up a plasma cloud dead ahead on our current trajectory, it covers nearly the entirety of spatial grid 262, we have also detected an uninhabited M-class planet, about three light years off our course trajectory. All things considered ..." he finished a little hopeful as he trailed off.
A slow smile creeped over her face, softening the delicate features considerably, as she recognized the hopeful unspoken plea in his voice, she knew what he was thinking.
She considered it, her crew had not been on shore leave for over six months. They’d been crossing a sector of space, which hosted a number of M-class planets but was inhabited by the Dr'a'klor, an insidious, hostile species. Negotiations for the acquisition and mining of some much needed Dilithium quickly turned sour after the Dr'a'klor found out that Voyager was commanded by a ‘mere pitiful female’.
She assumed that Chakotay was pushing for shore leave, not entirely too certain if it was in his capacity as her responsible Personnel Officer or out of genuine concern for her crew. Either way, she mused, there had been a significant dip in the crew's morale since their hopes were dashed by the Dr'a'klor.
"Ah" she commented just a touch dryly, the smile growing a bit wider as she eyed him almost teasingly "and I assume that if we alter course, we'd avoid going straight through the plasma cloud, considering what happened the last time we encountered one, and at the same time maybe squeeze in some shore leave for the crew?"
Her First Officer was keen enough to pick up on his Captain's good mood and gentle teasing. "That's not all Captain, our preliminary long range scans of the planet revealed trace elements of Galacite," he said, eyes sparkling and smiling slightly.
She dipped her head slightly in his direction, still smiling. "Well in that case..." she turned to Lt Tom Paris, Voyager's Pilot sitting at the helm, a strawberry blond young man with bright blue eyes, also the husband of B'Elanna Torres, the ship's Chief Engineer.
"Mr. Paris ... alter course."
In reply, Janeway got a very upbeat "Aye, Captain", as Tom first swung around in his chair regarding her enthusiastically then after only a brief moment he swung back towards his console, in front of the large viewscreen on the Bridge, keying in the course corrections.
She turned back and took her seat, even as she said lightly, command still lacing her tone. "Full impulse, Tom."
The fair-haired helmsman immediately responded with an obedient "Yes, Ma'am". She remained quiet for a few moments longer, as Chakotay took his seat next to the Captain, inconspicuously eyeing her, and silently wondering if her sudden lift in spirits had anything to do with the recent visit she had from Voyager's Astrometrics Officer, or if it was just the prospect of some much needed R&R for her crew. To his surprise he found himself hoping that it was not the latter.
He witnessed the bond that had grown between the two women almost from the moment Seven was integrated into the Voyager crew. Their relationship had been turbulent at the best of times, but lately he had seen a subtle change in their approach and behavior towards one another. He had also noticed Seven looking at the Captain, when she thought no one was watching her, with an oddly soft expression in her eyes, and she never opposed the Captain openly anymore as she had just a couple of months ago. To him it was quite clear that the Astrometrics Officer had begun to feel something for her Captain, and he suspected that it was more than just respect.
At first he was a little disturbed by the fact, he himself not having trusted Seven in the beginning. Until he decided to see if there was any change in the Captain's behavior toward the ex-Borg, he did not make too much of the changes in Seven's behavior though, but to his surprise, he realized that the Captain underwent a distinct change herself when dealing with Seven. She seemed softer when she was with her, her eyes softened and shaded more to blue, indicating that she was happy or content, instead of the steely gray her eyes became when she was furious, upset or even depressed. Her voice would also drop an octave, and her face would take on a certain glow. But, for the moment it seemed that both were blissfully unaware of just exactly how aware each was of the other.
And right now, as he eyed her, Captain Kathryn Janeway's eyes were that soft blue, her face tinged with a healthy glow and her voice, though still laced with the authority of command, was discernibly lower and softer than the normal sharp command voice.
Inspiration struck. He just had to wait for his Captain's order.
Almost as if on cue Janeway leaned onto her left elbow, pressing down on her chair's armrest looking at Chakotay almost conspiratorially.
"Commander, will you set up the preliminary survey team," a gentle order, not a request.
He mirrored her position in his own chair, smiling brightly he offered "Right on it Captain."
She flashed a bright smile at him and stood straightening her tunic. "If that is all Commander ..." she paused, until she saw him nod, then continued "I'll be in my R..."
Just then a violent jolt rocked the Bridge of Voyager, the force of it slinging Janeway into Tom at the helm, nearly crushing his ribcage with the impact of her body throwing him into the helm console.
Janeway moaned softly and rolled over to her side. Pushing up and resting on her right elbow, her left instantly swinging over to clutch the ribs under her right arm as a sudden sharp pain ripped through her chest. Gritting down on her teeth, she pushed herself from the floor. She took in her surroundings and realized that Main Power was off-line and judging from the dim illumination on her Bridge, the ship had switched to Emergency back-up power. She bit back her frustration, her injuries quickly forgotten as her adrenaline and command training kicked in.
"Report!" she snapped, at no one in particular. Then she stole another quick glance over the dimly lit Bridge.
Ensign Harry Kim, Voyager's Operations Officer, an Asian Male, fresh out of Starfleet when he was drafted for Voyager's mission into the Badlands, had been flung over his console at the impact. He had landed awkwardly with his head and shoulders lodged between the First Officer's seat and the computer console that separated the two command chairs. He was unconscious, and from what she could see in the couple of seconds she afforded him, he had suffered a severe cut to the right side of his forehead and what must be a dislocated shoulder.
Her eyes continued the assessment, Chakotay had landed a couple of meters to the left of his chair, but at the moment he looked like he only nursed a few bruises, staggering slightly towards the Ops station after he had gotten up.
Tom sat slumped over the helm, gasping for air, probably also nursing a couple of broken ribs.
Lt-Cmdr. Tuvok, Voyager's Vulcan Chief of Security, seemed a lot less worse for wear than the rest of her Bridge crew, and responded to her command while she was taking in the damage inflicted by... whatever it was that hit her ship.
"Main power off-line, Emergency backup running at optimum efficiency, shields are down to twenty-four percent, warp and impulse drive, weapons and transporters off-line" he paused for a moment looking at the incoming data on his console "casualty report just in, three casualties but no fatalities so far."
Janeway winced slightly at the damage report, with warp and impulse drives off-line and the shields operating at such a low percentage it left them very vulnerable at the moment.
"Tuvok, see what you can do about those shields, and get the Doctor up here, I don't want to move Harry like that." She turned to Chakotay, who looked up at her, ready to give her the sensor data, barely noticing Tuvok's composed "Aye Captain", completely confident that he would execute her orders without hesitation. She held up her hand to forestall her First Officer's report and with the other slapped her commbadge; it chirped, indicating an open channel. At least the comm system is not down she thought idly.
"Captain to Lt. Torres"
"Torres here Captain, go ahead," her Chief Engineer's disembodied voice came back in reply.
"B’Elanna, send Engineering teams to get Main power and transporters online."
"They are already on it Captain," she responded immediately.
Janeway nodded at this, thankful for her Engineer's efficiency. "How long to get the warp core and impulse engines online?" she asked frowning.
"As soon as Main Power is on-line, I'd say about a half hour for impulse drive. We have to recalibrate the Dilithium matrix so I would guess another three hours to get the warp core back on-line."
"Get on it, get Seven in if you need more help," she finished off.
"Aye Captain," B'Elanna responded crisply and closed the channel.
Turning to face Chakotay, she questioned "Commander?"
"Sensors indicate that we have been hit by a plasma discharge, Captain."
She shook her head in disbelief. "How is that possible, were not even ninety-thousand kilometers from it, aren't we supposed to still be out of range of any emissions or discharges from the plasma cloud?"
"We are Captain, but my sensor sweep also picked up a very small Inversion Nebula approximately seventy-two-thousand kilometers away, it seems as though it acts as a conduit for the plasma cloud. Somehow, it’s absorbing the discharges from the plasma cloud and extending the range of its own plasma string flare-ups," Chakotay cleared up the mystery.
She put her hands on her hips, her head hanging slightly while she gathered her thoughts. Her decision made, she lifted her head and squared her shoulders, feeling only a slight sting from the injury to her ribs. The adrenaline levels in her body were beginning to subside.
"Well, then I suppose it would be wise for us to get out of target range. I don't know about you, but I don't like Voyager being used for target practice, not even for a glorified plasma conduit." She turned on her heels walking over to Tom, who still sat slumped at the helm, looking at her with wide eyes.
When she reached him she lay her hand gently on his shoulder. "Tom, can you get yourself to Sickbay?"
"Yes Captain," he said, no longer gasping for air, but finding the labor of breathing and talking quite painful.
"Then go and have yourself taken care of," she encouraged patting him lightly on the shoulder. "I'll handle this."
Just then the doors to the turbolift slid open and the entire Bridge staff turned towards it as the EMH, Voyager's Emergency Medical Hologram stepped onto the Bridge.
Almost seven years ago, when Voyager was trapped in the Delta Quadrant after a run in with a Sporostithian lifeform called the Caretaker, the ship's EMH was activated. Initially the hologram was incorporated into the ships database as a supplement to the Chief Medical Officer in case of dire Emergencies, but the ship's CMO was killed on the first day of their mission, and since then the EMH had been functioning as the ship's CMO full time. Janeway eventually declared the Doctor, as he was most commonly called, sentient and with some twenty-ninth century technology called a Mobile Emitter, he was no longer confined to Sickbay. Leaving him, in his own words, footloose and fancy free to roam Voyager as he pleased.
"Did someone request a house call?" he said rather smugly, much to the dismay of all those present.
The Captain sighed audibly, and gestured with her left arm toward Ensign Kim, still unconscious, lodged between the right command chair and the console. "Harry could use your help right about now Doctor," she pointed out the obvious. Then she turned to the helm and keyed in the new course, engaging the emergency thrusters and turning the ship about.
Tom perked up a little, as the Doctor saved him a rather painful trip down to Sickbay. "Hey Doc, thanks for saving me the trip, when you are done with Harry, you can have a look at me."
The Doctor gave an undignified snort and quipped "It seems to me, Lt. Paris, that you are perfectly fine, since you seem so perky. Perhaps I should just replicate you a mirror, then you can take a look at yourself." Then he turned his full attention to Harry. Not bothering to see the smug grin Tom regarded him with. It was common knowledge on Voyager that Tom, along with the unconscious Harry, his best friend, were THE mischief makers on the ship, and that he could not resist taking a dig at anyone given the opportunity. It was also common knowledge that, other than Tuvok, they especially liked tormenting the Doctor.
The Captain witnessed the exchange with mild amusement, she rolled her eyes, perfectly aware of Tom and the Doctor's playful rivalry. A very faint smile tugged at the corners of her mouth and she quickly dropped her head, shaking it as she strode over to where the Doctor was examining Harry.
She glanced over his shoulder, keeping an eye on the readouts on the medical tricorder as the Doctor ran the scanning device over Harry.
"Dislocated shoulder, fractured ulna, some contusions to his head and face... and... looks like a mild concussion Captain, nothing to worry about," he reported as he reached down to carefully dislodge Harry from his precarious position before he bent over his medkit to retrieve a hypospray.
By then the Captain was pretty certain that Harry was going to be okay, she turned to Tuvok who immediately responded with some good news. "Shields are up to eighty-seven percent and weapons are back on-line."
Janeway nodded and spared one more glance around her Bridge when the lights flickered briefly as systems switched back to Main Power. Satisfied with the rapid repairs, she looked up at Chakotay.
"Commander, you have the Bridge. I am going down to Engineering to see if there is anything I can help B'Elanna with," she commented as she headed up the stairs. Tuvok raised an enquiring eyebrow as the Captain passed the tactical station and stepped into the turbolift.
The doors to the Captain's Quarters slid open, letting in an exhausted Janeway, her body weary and still bruised from her earlier collision with Tom at the helm. Leaning against the bulkhead as the doors slid closed behind her, she expelled her breath in a relieved sigh.
Relief, from both the fact that her ship was once again functioning within acceptable parameters, and the fact that she did not have to cancel her date with Seven.
Date? Kathryn, you are losing your mind, pushing your crew to make repairs in a ridiculous timeframe just so you won't miss dinner with a crewmember. She pushed the guilt gnawing at her to the back of her mind. She had only a few minutes to prepare for this dinner. No use in worrying about the fact that she pushed the crew for purely selfish reasons. It was already done.
It had taken the repair teams nearly five and a half hours to complete the repairs to all the damaged systems. Warp drive and impulse engines were online, sensors along with the shield matrix were recalibrated and functioning at peak efficiency, and just before she left Engineering about six minutes ago, the repair team for the transporters had reported that they were also functional. Once again her crew had performed at optimum efficiency, completing the repairs in double time. Despite her weariness she couldn't help but feel a faint glow of pride warm her all over.
A glance over at the chronometer told her it was 1829 hours, thirty-one minutes should be sufficient time to grab a quick shower. She would have preferred soaking in the bathtub for at least an hour, but given the time constraints, she had no choice but to utilize the Hydro shower. She could decide what to wear while she was in the shower, and consider what to serve for dinner while she dressed. Efficient she thought, maybe Seven's never ending quest for efficiency was rubbing off on her. Rubbing off, Kate? My, my we are getting a little crude at this age.
Shaking her head as if to dispel her rampant thoughts, she strolled through her bedroom placing her comm badge on her bedside table. As she entered the en-suite she removed the four pips from her collar carefully and put them down on the counter. Turning on the Hydro shower she undressed, quickly stepping into the shower, leaving her uniform crumpled on the bathroom floor.
Standing under the spray, she felt some of the tension and tenderness leave her body, rushing away with the water, disappearing swirling down the drainage unit. She pressed her palms to the shower wall, leaning heavily against it. For a moment she closed her eyes, trying to quiet her restless mind. She did not hear the door chime several minutes later.
At 1859 hours Seven of Nine stepped off the turbolift on deck three, where the quarters to all the senior staff were situated and more importantly, where the Captain's quarters were situated. And this was where she was headed right at this very moment.
Drawing closer to her destination, the butterflies in her stomach, as the Doctor called them, grew restless, causing a fluttering inside her, not necessarily an unpleasant feeling but distracting nonetheless. She came to a halt in front of the doors to the Captain's quarters, and took a deep breath, trying to steady her too frayed nerves, hoping that it would relent a little, so she could function with some semblance of normalcy.
Reaching up she activated the door chime. Nothing. A few moments later she activated the door chime again, and when there was still no response she looked up, drawing yet another breath.
Uncertainly she reached up and activated her comm badge. "Seven of Nine to Captain Janeway," when no response was forthcoming she activated her comm badge again, more insistent this time "Seven of Nine to Captain Janeway, Captain, please respond!" Silence greeted her once more.
"Computer, what is the Captain's location," she asked in crisp tones, looking up at the hull as she addressed the ship's computer, hoping beyond hopes that the Captain had not forgotten about their invitation. Maybe she was just running late... or maybe she changed her mind, another part of her consciousness let out, a sickening feeling slowly starting to envelope her.
"The Captain is in her quarters," the composed female tones of the computer promptly responded.
Seven felt her heart drop to her feet. The Captain was in her quarters, and she was not answering the door or her hails. The Captain did not want to see her. Despondent Seven turned around, then stopped abruptly. It occurred to her that it was not like the Captain to ignore her door chime or her comm badge if the privacy seal on them was not activated, and she would have the decency to at least answer her door to tell Seven that she could not see her now. Seven frowned lightly, discovering that she was... worried. Worried about the Captain.
Concerned she turned back to the Captain's door, maybe the Captain was incapacitated, or worse...
Deciding to check again, she activated the door chime a third time. When yet again there was no response Seven bypassed the Captain's security lockout, knowing full well that it was against regulations, but not caring one bit. She would be happy to face the consequences of her actions, once she had determined that the Captain was in no immediate danger.
The doors slid open with a hiss at 1909 hours as Seven stepped through the threshold, taking in her surroundings. She did not see the Captain, then she became aware of an incessant hum coming from what she knew was the Captain's bedroom. Carefully she stepped into her bedroom, tracking the noise to the en-suite. Seven realized that the Captain was utilizing the shower, running the hydro setting. She walked over to the en-suite and froze in the doorway. The Captain was standing naked in the shower, leaning against the wall, head resting on her crossed forearms which in turn braced her against the shower wall.
Strands of wet auburn hair clung to her face and neck, emphasizing her
jaw-line and enhancing her beauty even more than Seven thought possible. She
noticed for the first time the light freckles dabbed generously across the
Captain’s shoulders and as her gaze continued its downward journey she took in
a silent breath when her eyes came to rest on Janeway's breasts. The Captain's
positioning caused the rosy tipped, milky white mounds to fall gently outward,
freed from their daily constriction. She took in a silent steadying breath as
the physiological responses wildly cascaded through her body, Seven stood
enraptured at the sight before her as a slow desire arose within.
Seven remained frozen in place in absolute awe for several moments longer,
entirely speechless, her mouth suddenly very dry. She did not dare move
closer, and neither could she get herself to look away.
When she could trust herself to speak again she softly called out to the
Captain. Her voice was a mere whisper and sounded a little hoarse even to
herself.
The Captain did not respond, apparently she was... sleeping.
She called out again, this time a little louder and her voice a little more
steady. "Captain!"
Janeway was standing in a forest, looking at a waterfall when she first thought she heard someone calling her from far away. She looked around and when she heard nothing other than the sound of the water crashing down the rocks she stepped forward making her way towards the waterfall then suddenly the call came again, this time louder and more insistent. "Captain!"
Her head jerked up in shock, disoriented she looked around at her surroundings. She was still in her shower.
The sudden momentum as she swung around, caused her to lose her footing on the shower tiles, and before she could stop herself she was falling backwards, finding herself staring into two pale blue orbs, wide with fright. She knew that there was nothing she could do to counter the gravitational forces and gave into her fate. Mid fall she saw Seven react, reaching out and stepping forward as if to catch her, but it was too late and her head hit the back wall of the shower with a loud thud.
A breathless "Ouch!" involuntarily escaped her lips and for a fleeting moment she was engulfed in darkness, stars spinning around her head briefly before they cleared and she became aware of her surroundings again. She reached behind her head with her left hand detecting an already growing bump. "Ow, dammit!" she complained unhappily.
"Seven, what the hell are you doing?" she yelled angrily, even as the frightened young woman reached out to her, the fact that she was gloriously naked in front of her Astrometrics officer escaping her completely for the moment.
For the first time in her short 'conscious' life, Seven was completely flustered, causing her to stutter as she tried to find those words that were eluding her. This was not a scenario the Doctor ever taught her to 'deal' with during all her social lessons. She was, to her knowledge, at a complete loss.
"Ca ... Ca ... Captain? I ... I ... I apologize! Are you all right?" she finally managed in a shocked voice.
"No, dammit, I am not all right!" the Captain snapped in anger, raging as she finally realized the compromising position she was currently finding herself in. Briefly she saw a hurt shadow pass over the Borg's eyes, immediately regretting her harsh words as her face flushed with embarrassment.
She saw Seven back up and turn away, scanning the room. She watched on as Seven reached out and took her blue terrycloth robe from its hook on the opposite wall. When Seven turned back it was with averted eyes. Thoroughly subdued, Seven held out the robe towards the Captain.
The Captain reached out and snatched the offered robe from Seven's hand. She tried her damndest to get up gracefully from the shower floor and pulled on the robe, as she bit back the curse she was about to utter.
She took a deep breath, but her anger was still not subsiding. "Seven, just what the hell did you think you were doing? Aren't you a bit early?" and as she said that it occurred to her that Seven’s timing was usually impeccable. She carefully stepped around Seven and into her room where she could inconspicuously look at the time on her chronometer and maybe even get dressed.
As the Captain stepped around her, Seven started clearing up the Captain's confusion. Her voice was clipped, concealing her own annoyance at the Captain's harsh response. "I arrived at your quarters at 1900 hours, I activated the door chime and when you did not respond after the second chime I hailed you on your comm badge. When there was still no response I requested your location from the computer. It stated that you were in your quarters, I became... concerned, and activated the chime once more. When you still did not respond and since there was no privacy seal activated on either your door or your comm badge I decided to deactivate the locking mechanism to your door and entered your quarters at 1909 hours to make sure that you were not hurt or incapacitated. I found you sleeping in the shower. As I said, I apologize, I had no intention of startling you, but if you do not wish for me to disturb you in the future, I suggest you activate your privacy seal, Captain."
As the Captain walked into her bedroom, she listened to Seven relaying the preceding events. On her way to her closet, a quick glance at the chronometer on her bedside table told her that it was now 1914 hours. Her hand came up to cover her eyes and a groan escaped her lips.
Silently chastising herself for her 'lapse' and subsequent rudeness. For the second time in almost five minutes Kathryn Janeway's face flushed. An unfamiliar warmth suddenly spread through her limbs as she realized that Seven had been concerned. Concerned about her well being. Immediately her anger dissipated as the warm feeling wrapped like a ribbon around her heart.
She turned back, and took a few steps towards Seven, her voice softened as she spoke. "Seven, I am sorry"
When she saw Seven, who had turned towards her at her approach and now stood at attention with her hands clasped firmly behind her back, tilt her head, the Captain realized that she clearly did not understand why her Captain was apologizing to her.
"I am sorry that I yelled at you! You... surprised me a little," she offered a little sheepishly. "I guess all the day's activity tired me more than I realized and I dozed off in the shower. That much was evident. The one moment I was in the shower, getting ready for your arrival, and the next you were... well... here... in the bathroom and..." she trailed off. "Well, you know the rest."
Seven nodded stiffly and all that she could manage in return was a hoarse "I am sorry too, Captain." which garnered an odd look from the Captain. She continued weakly, failing entirely to conceal her disappointment. "Perhaps we should reschedule for another time? If you are tired you should retire for the evening." Then she started for the bedroom door.
"No!" the Captain protested loudly, her arm shooting up to forestall Seven's departure. "Don't go, Seven," she said in a tremulous voice. "Give me a minute to get dressed, and I will be with you. Besides, I just woke up, remember?" she gave a skewed grin.
Seven seemed to hesitate briefly then she nodded her head and walked out of the bedroom to wait in the living area of the Captain's quarters, feeling a little lightheaded.
When Janeway emerged from her bedroom a few minutes later, dressed in a beige satin blouse and midnight blue trousers, she found Seven in front of the viewport staring out at the starfield slipping quietly by.
Seven became aware of the Captain's approach when she reached the coffee table, she turned around to face her, admiring the Captain's lithe form in her casual attire but also noticing a stiffness in the Captain's walk.
Concern laced her voice when she spoke "Captain, you are injured!"
The Captain smiled as she recognized the concern, the warm feeling returning to her chest. "I am all right Seven, just a few scrapes from the impact today."
Seven stepped forward and stopped in front of the Captain looking down into those turbulent blue/gray eyes. "Perhaps you should have the Doctor examine you."
Janeway stared back into Seven's pale blue eyes, captivated by the warmth she saw in them, a warmth she had never noticed before. She reached up an laid her palm comfortingly against Seven's shoulder, her voice soft and gentle when she spoke, her heart hammering in her throat. "It is not serious Seven, but thank you for your concern."
Seven gave her a disbelieving look because she knew that the Captain tended to avoid consulting the Doctor when it concerned her own health and welfare, but she did not say anything as they continued staring at each other for long moments, to Janeway the connection was almost palpable.
She envisioned her hand sliding up behind the gorgeous young blonde's neck, pulling her head down and kissing those sensuous full lips...
Startled at her own thoughts she pulled her arm back and unwillingly tore her eyes away from Seven's, breaking the spell. She stepped back slowly and turned away as she regained her composure.
"I promised you dinner, didn't I," she said, as she walked over to the replicator.
Seven watched as the Captain stiffly made her way towards the replicator, and instantly she stepped forward, gently grabbing the Captain by her shoulders. When Janeway favored her with a puzzled look she spoke softly "You still appear injured Captain. I realize you do not want to seek medical attention, but I would prefer that you do not over exert yourself, please sit down while I replicate our nutritional supplements."
Janeway frowned as she considered Seven's offer and then relented, she admitted to herself she was feeling a little battered and not necessarily in the mood to 'slave' over the replicator. And also, she was silently enjoying the attention the young woman was lavishing upon her. She looked up at Seven over her shoulder and nodded in acquiescence.
Seven still holding onto Janeway's shoulders, steered the Captain gently back towards the couch underneath the viewport. After easing her Captain down onto the couch she headed across the room, and busied herself with the task of replicating dinner.
The Captain, all the while, sat quietly observing and enjoying the sight of Seven comfortably preparing dinner in her quarters as if she had done so many times before, wishing that this could be a regular occurrence, but knowing it couldn’t be. Her sense of responsibility would not allow it.
Minutes later Seven walked towards the couch with a bowl of goulash for the Captain, and a bowl of light salad for herself. Halfway across the room she stopped abruptly, looking at the Captain enquiringly "Do you wish to consume your dinner at the table, Captain?"
Janeway looked up at Seven, the corners of her mouth quirked up. "I'd prefer to have my dinner here tonight."
Seven nodded and continued towards the Captain, placing the bowls on the coffee table. "Can I also replicate you something to drink, Captain?"
"No thank you, Seven, not yet, I will have something when I have finished dinner." She patted the cushion beside her before she continued. "Come and eat."
Seven bent and took the bowls and sat down obediently, though she preferred to stand but since it was customary to be seated while you eat she complied, as she handed the goulash to the Captain, settling on the couch next to the Captain, slightly angled towards her. The Captain turned her own body towards Seven, tucking her foot under her thigh and resting her elbow on the backrest of the couch.
Taking her first bite she talked around her first mouthful. "Mmmmh, this is good."
Seven blushed slightly and only nodded in reply.
The Captain took silent pleasure in the sight of Seven blushing and she wisely decided to tackle the situation head on before she lost herself in the younger woman's beauty, before she lost all sense of propriety. "You said that you wanted to decline the Doctor's advances, why?"
Seven looked at her oddly, she thought it was pretty obvious and she answered slowly. "I do not feel a romantic attraction toward the Doctor. It is my understanding that the person you are attracted to does not necessarily always return your affection, is that not true?"
Janeway nodded slowly, wondering at Seven's choice of words. "Yes that is true."
"Then is it not required of me to let the Doctor know that I do not return his affections and that I have f..." She barely bit back on the words "feelings for someone else" she was about to say and swallowed before she continued a little more mindful of her words. "I wish to know how I should respond without hurting the Doctor's feelings."
Janeway toyed with her food, considering the avenues Seven's pause and unsaid statement left to explore, but decided to forego her initial response, realizing that Seven may not be ready to reveal anything to her just yet. A stray thought bounced around in her head nonetheless, was there someone that Seven was attracted to? A tightness suddenly constricted her chest, making it hard for her to breathe, she recognized the pain those thoughts roused. It hurt her to think that Seven could be attracted to someone else.
"Captain?" Seven interrupted her thoughts.
She cleared her throat and rested her fork in her bowl, then responded quietly. "I think the best way to go about this would be to speak to the Doctor honestly, telling him that you cannot return his affections, because you do not feel the same about him, but that, if he is willing, you still wish to remain his friend. If that is what you wish." She let out a small sigh before she continued. "I cannot guarantee that you will not hurt his feelings, Seven. It is not an easy thing to hear that one's feelings are not returned by the one you love. I guess on the other hand that it is a matter of being cruel to be kind."
"Explain!" Seven said her head tilted inquiringly.
"You have to be cruel to be kind?" she asked, and at Seven's nod she continued. "It means that sometimes you unintentionally have to hurt the people you care about in order to achieve a mutually beneficial outcome. Like your situation with the Doctor. It will be cruel to tell the Doctor that you do not return his feelings, but it will serve you no purpose to embark on a relationship if you do not care for him romantically, it would hurt you both in the long run. In the end you would have done the right thing by telling him now. Can you imagine that you embark on a relationship with the Doctor because you pity him, and a couple of months later you fall in love with someone else. If you tell him then it would be much worse for him to handle than it will be to do so now. Am I making any sense here?"
"Yes, Captain! You are saying that if I tell him now he will recover quicker. If I am to spare him unnecessary pain, I will have to be cruel now rather than at a stage where I can hurt him more. It would be the kind thing to do."
"Yes, that is exactly what I am saying," the Captain responded, proud at how perceptive Seven had become regarding human behavior.
"It is an odd expression and it does make sense, but I would rather not have to be cruel towards him at all. The Doctor is my friend and I do not wish to hurt him at all."
"I know Seven, but I don't think it can be helped. Try to imagine that you are in love with someone and then one day you gather together all your courage to tell that person you love him and that person tells you that they do not love you back. How would that make you feel, even if you knew that they were merely trying to spare you unnecessary pain?"
Seven remained quiet for a few moments, imagining exactly what the Captain asked her to. Her chest began to hurt from the images in her mind, she took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. "It hurts me to think of it," she said in a small voice.
"Yes it does hurt, and it did not really happen to you, you were just thinking of it."
"I believe you are correct Captain. If I should ever tell the person I care for how I feel and she does not reciprocate, I would also expect of her to at least acknowledge my feelings."
The Captain unsuccessfully stifled a yawn, but nearly swallowed it whole when she heard that Seven referred to a her and Janeway found herself momentarily speechless.
Seven noticed the yawn and at the same time realized that she may have revealed more than she should have. Before the Captain could respond, even though Seven would still have liked to talk to her Captain, she knew she had to take her leave. The Captain would likely ask prying questions, questions she was not sure she could answer truthfully, not until she was sure exactly WHY she had said what she had said, even though she was fairly certain of who the SHE was that she had referred to. "Captain, you are tired. Have you finished with your dinner?"
Janeway's head was spinning, she opened her mouth and closed it again, flustered. All she could muster while Seven looked at her inquiringly was "Uh... yes, thank you Seven, it was delicious. It was nice of you to make me dinner." Seven reached over to take the bowl from her, stood up and took them to the recycle unit. The Captain looked after her unaware that a playful smile had curled her lips. "Any chance I could acquire your services in the future?" she asked teasingly, unknowingly firing a shot in the dark.
Her hand shot up the instant the words had left her mouth. She had no idea where that came from and she regretted her words immediately. Kathryn, what will she think of you, that you intend to expand her duties to become your personal 'slave'. "I'm sorry Seven, I was just joking," she added quickly in an attempt to divert any impending counter response from Seven.
Seven, who had just placed the dishes into the recycler turned back towards the Captain in time to see the shock on the Captain's face. Her words causing the faintest of smirks quirking the corner of her mouth, but she remained quiet, although a definite, unexplained warmth wrapped around her chest. The Captain had enjoyed that she had made her dinner.
The quirk of Seven's lips catching Janeway off guard. Seven was amused she thought. Kathryn decided that she was definitely over tired, she has been seeing her Borg display emotions all day. She needed to sleep before she made a fool of herself. That is if she had not done so already. Another yawn overwhelmed her just then, and she decided that she was indeed ready for bed and much needed sleep.
Seven watched as Janeway got up, limping as she walked towards her to see her off. Her reaction was instantaneous. She confidently walked over to intercept the Captain, reached down and before the Captain realized exactly what had happened, Seven had lifted her into her arms. Janeway was caught off guard by the sudden movement and involuntarily her arms flew up and around Seven's neck, clasping them behind, holding on for dear life. Her face a mere centimeter from Seven's, their eyes locking, her heart was beating wildly in her chest. Her anger at the humiliation this situation implied was subdued by a sweet anticipation that was currently permeating her senses. Her voice was soft and shaking when she spoke. "Seven, what exactly are you doing?" she asked weakly, still too shocked to be angry.
Carrying the Captain into her bedroom, she did not look away, her own voice not too steady when she answered. "You are obviously injured, Captain. It is clear to me that you are reluctant to seek medical attention from the Doctor, but your mobility is impaired. I am carrying you to your bed; limping around your quarters may worsen your injury. I intend to..." she paused a moment as she searched for the correct phrasing “…'tuck' you in and see to it that you have everything you need when you retire and before I leave your quarters."
The Captain would have found this whole situation funny had she not been so surprised. "Tuck me in, Seven?" she asked frowning slightly.
"Yes," Seven offered, finally looking away.
The humor of the situation finally sinking in, Janeway smiled. "Oh." She decided to remain quiet before she laughed out loud, or worse, propositioned her Astrometrics Officer.
Janeway was being lowered onto her bed, and she found that she was unwilling to withdraw her arms from around Seven's neck, but she nonetheless did so, excruciatingly slow.
The air touched Seven's skin with cold fingers where Janeway's arms had been just a few precious seconds before, making her ache to feel that warmth just one more time. Instead of voicing her desire she took a deep breath. "Do you wish for me to help you undress Captain?"
Kathryn felt her blood turn to ice in her body. Truthfully, she wanted to say yes, but her better judgment told her that she was misconstruing Seven's offer completely. "Uhm, no Seven. Thank you... but, I think I can manage that on my own."
Seven nodded. "Then you shall tell me what you need and I will hand it to you. I will not allow you to walk around with your present injury."
Janeway dipped her head concealing the smile that was forming around her lips. "All right, Seven. You made your point." she said, chuckling lightly.
After she had retrieved all the things Janeway needed, Seven stepped into the living area while the Captain got dressed. The Captain called her back in to tell her that she required nothing else for the duration of the evening.
Seven stepped back into the room with Janeway already beneath the covers and her heart leapt at the sight. The Captain looked even more fragile and vulnerable now, in the middle of her oversized bed, than she did standing in her shower earlier. Kathryn Janeway was absolutely 'gorgeous' she thought, successfully applying the very recently acquired, but very appropriate human term to describe her Captain's breathtaking beauty.
She swallowed hard and walked through to the en-suite to pick up Janeway's crumpled uniform from the floor to put it through the recycle unit, where it was cleaned before rematerializing. Seven exited the en-suite and placed the neatly folded uniform on the dressing table. Janeway was watching her in silent awe.
When it finally became apparent that she could no longer forestall her departure, she asked "Are you sure that you have everything you might need Captain?" keeping her voice even with difficulty.
"Yes, I am," she said grinning, even though she knew that there was still one thing she needed, and that was for Seven not to leave at all, but she also knew that she could never voice that request.
Seven dipped her head in acknowledgement. "Very well. Computer dim lights one quarter illumination," Seven said in parting, as the computer chirped in affirmation she turned on her heels to exit the room, when the Captain spoke again.
"Thank you Seven," she offered almost in a whisper.
Seven turned her head back, and in the dim lighting Janeway swore she saw Seven smirk when she said over her shoulder "You may call me, should you require my services in the duration of the evening. Goodnight, Captain." She hesitated briefly before adding "Sweet dreams!"
With that Seven left the bedroom, leaving a stunned and dumbfounded Janeway behind in her bed. A few moments later she heard the doors to her quarters hiss open and then shut.
When she recovered enough, she realized she was shaking and the only thought that ran through her mind was that she required Seven's services, in a completely inappropriate way. She reached out a shaky hand to take the glass of water Seven had deposited earlier, took a sip to lave her too dry mouth and placed it back on the bedside table. Secretly she had taken a lot pleasure and comfort in the gentle care she had received from Seven during the evening, intending to remember every moment, since she would probably never experience it again.
She considered Seven's actions, yet again concluding that the young Borg may harbor an austere facade on the outside, but that she had a soft heart, which she believed no one else has ever really been allowed to see, except for herself, tonight. She had suspected that much many times before, but now she was sure, having experienced it on such a personal level.
After a few minutes she crawled deeper under the covers and lay back. A restful sleep claimed her within moments, enveloping her in a sweet dream. She was walking hand in hand with Seven, along the cornfields back in her hometown of Bloomington, Indiana. Showing Seven her home.
Seven returned to Cargo Bay 2, where she resided on Voyager, or to be more accurate, where she regenerated. When her attempt at regeneration failed, she stepped out of her alcove and accessed her log.
"Daily log, Seven of Nine. Supplemental. I have discussed the matter of the Doctor's declaration of love with the Captain. Her advice? I have to be cruel to be kind. That means that I have to let the Doctor know that I appreciate his declaration, but that I do not reciprocate, to spare him unnecessary pain in the future. I will speak with him once I have ended this log entry." She paused briefly, taking a steadying breath.
"I may have revealed more to the Captain than I should have. I have noted to her that I would appreciate the same sentiment, should I ever tell the person I cared for and she does not reciprocate. The Captain was tired and I changed the topic in time to divert her attentions for the moment. I hope to have found an explanation before the Captain brings up this issue again at a later stage when she is not so weary. For the moment however, I think I should have as little solitary contact with the Captain as possible to delay the inevitable." Pause
"I believe that I may have romantic feelings for the Captain, but I can not be certain until I have done more research on this subject. All I can say is that when she is present I feel so much. I feel more alive and more... human. However, I have no frame of reference from which to draw such a conclusion, but the Captain has advised me to learn to rely on my instincts, and at this moment my instincts tell me that I have romantic feelings for her. How accurate my instincts are still remains to be seen. It appears that I am about to venture into a territory of humanity that I cannot possibly discuss with the Captain. It is disconcerting to me, since there is no-one else on Voyager I trust more and from whom I have learnt more about humanity. Now that I am seemingly reaching a stage where I may be heading into the most complex part of my human development, I cannot consult with her because she is... too involved." Another pause. "End log! Computer encrypt log entry with Borg encryption code Chi Alpha Zero Two Four."
When the computer chirped in affirmation Seven exited Cargo Bay 2. It was the middle of the Beta shift rotation when Seven made her way to Sickbay, thinking that it was an opportune time to discuss the matter with the Doctor since she was not on duty and the Doctor was likely to be alone in Sickbay, maybe even off-line. She did not want to delay this conversation any longer, and she found that, even though she knew it had to be done, she was experiencing apprehension at the task at hand.
The Doctor was in his office hunched over his workstation when Seven entered Sickbay. When she stopped in the doorway he looked up towards her.
"Good evening, Doctor." she offered politely, just as the Doctor had instructed her during her social lessons.
He smiled sardonically as he returned her greeting, no doubt suspecting the nature of Seven's visit. "What can I do for you, Seven?" he raised the question no less.
"We need to discuss a personal matter, Doctor."
"Ah," he said, gesturing to the seat in front of his desk. "Then please, have a seat."
"I prefer to stand," came her expected response.
"Of course, go ahead Seven."
Seven stepped into his office and took up a position behind the chair opposite the Doctor. "It concerns your declaration of love to me, earlier today."
"Aah, yes, I thought that was what this was about. To be honest, I did not expect that you would address the matter, none of the others have and I do not expect that they will, but then again you are not one of the others."
Seven regarded him evenly for a moment, then nodded. "I do not believe that our situations can be compared." When the Doctor only nodded she continued. "I am uncertain on how to proceed, but I do feel that this matter has to be addressed. I will be truthful, I am flattered by your declaration..."
"... but you do not return the sentiment," he finished her sentence.
"Yes," she offered rather uncomfortably.
"That is all right Seven. I did not really expect that you would, however, I was under the impression that my program was decompiling and I guess I just wanted you to know. If my program had decompiled, I just wanted to voice the things I regret having done in my 'life'."
Seven was taken aback at this revelation; she found that, even though she did not return his feelings, it hurt her to know that the Doctor regretted loving her and she desperately wanted to know why he regretted it. Was it because she was Borg? "You regret having romantic feelings toward me?"
"Well, no. What I mean to say, is that I do not regret the feelings I have towards you, but that I regret not telling you earlier. I have had several opportunities to do so in the last 2 years, but I never utilized them. I could not conceive of 'dying' without you ever knowing how I felt. You had the right to know that you were loved, everyone does."
Relief flooded her, the Doctor did love her, even though she was still part Borg and even though she did not love him in return. She did care for the Doctor though, but he did not make her feel the way she did when she was with the Captain. She was aware that there was more than one kind of love, and she suddenly identified that what she felt for the Doctor was the love one has for a friend. She discovered that she really did appreciate his love, it made her feel accepted and she also knew that she did not want to loose his friendship. It also meant that if the Doctor could love her, someone else could possibly love her too, but would the right person love her?
"I understand. It is not that you regret your actions in this matter, but you regret never expressing those feelings when you had the opportunities to do so," she clarified more for her own benefit.
"Exactly. Seven, I do not expect you to return my feelings now that you know about mine for you. And I certainly don't expect of you to do anything about it. Like I said, I merely wanted you to know."
"Thank you, Doctor. I appreciate your honesty, and I regret not being able to return those feelings. You are a good friend, and I hope that we can remain friends despite the fact that I do not return those feelings."
"I would be glad if we could remain friends Seven. You are a unique individual, and being your friend is an honor."
She blushed slightly at the implied compliment. "I also hope that our subsequent interactions would not cause you emotional distress."
"I am a hologram Seven, I cannot suffer from emotional distress," he lied.
"Very well, Doctor," she said, but she could tell that he was not being entirely honest as she turned to exit the Doctor's office then hesitated in the doorway.
"Was there something else Seven?" the Doctor asked when he saw her hesitation.
"I am curious Doctor, how do you know when you are in love with someone?" she asked, hoping that he could clarify some of the mystery of this all-too-complex human emotion.
Nearly a half hour later a confounded Seven exited Sickbay, her curiosity partially satisfied. She had been informed of the generic physiological responses and also a little about the emotional responses individuals experience and display when humans are considered to be in love. She was mildly distressed at the realization that she displayed nearly all of the 'symptoms' that the Doctor had mentioned during their conversation. All of which surfaced when she was interacting with the Captain. Her initial, unfounded suspicions had been confirmed by the Doctor, the only question remaining was how to handle this new turn of events. Should she inform the Captain of this or should she hide this from her. She knew that the latter would be difficult; the Captain was an astute observer. Should she try to hide it, the Captain would pick up on it sooner or later.
That is, if she had not done so already after Seven's strange behavior earlier in the evening. It was certainly possible, but she had no idea how she felt about that possibility.
Janeway had just finished assessing the sensor data of the M-class planet they were headed for when the chime to her Ready Room informed her of a visitor. "Come" she said as she looked up hopefully, but quickly tried to hide the disappointment behind her command mask when the identity of her visitor was revealed.
Chakotay stepped into her Ready Room and noticed the barely visible disappointment in his Captain's eyes. He knew her well enough to know what she was feeling even with her command mask fully in its place. He smiled, knowing who the Captain had hoped to see.
Chakotay had seen Seven exit the Captain's quarters around 2200 hours the previous evening when he had returned from the Mess Hall, and the Captain's rush to repair the damaged systems had become apparent. She had made an appointment to see Seven last night, but whether it was a date, was still unclear.
"Good morning, Captain," he greeted brightly, still smiling.
"Commander," she returned, smiling at his good mood.
"Sleep well?" he asked curiously.
"Why do you ask?"
"It is not often that I am treated to such a lovely smile when I walk into your Ready Room this early in the morning."
"As a matter of fact, I did sleep well. Better than I have in quite some time, actually," she said as her smile widened.
He grinned. "Care to share your secret?"
"Nope," she countered quickly, not too sure that she wanted him to know. "Why? Are you having trouble sleeping Chakotay?" she asked more to deflect the attention from herself than out of any real curiosity.
"Not more than is usual Captain," he offered as he held out a pad to her. "The preliminary survey team has been assigned."
She took the pad from him not looking at it as she spoke. "I have just analyzed the sensor data, I was thinking of leading the survey mission. I haven't been on an away mission in over eight months. Any objections?"
Chakotay regarded her for a moment as he realized that the problematic part of his plan had just dissolved into thin air. He had wondered how he could suggest that Janeway lead the survey mission without rousing her suspicions. Now he had one less detail to worry about. "No, Captain. No objections."
"Good," she said as she laughed. "I was hoping that we would not come to blows about this." She looked down at the pad in her hands and activated it. "So who have I got?"
He watched her reaction carefully, but could not detect any discernable change in her facial expression.
"Hogan, B'Elanna and Seven," she read out loud. "Have they been informed?"
"Not yet, I thought that I would clear it with you first."
"Well, it's a good team," she tapped the pad on her desktop. "I have no objections. Inform them."
He nodded in response. Janeway took this as the end of their discussion. "If that's all, Commander?" When he made no motion to interject, she smiled again and nodded. "Dismissed."
He turned on his heels and exited the Ready Room, already considering the second part of his mission.
B'Ellana was in the Mess Hall, busy toying with yet another strange dish concocted by Neelix, the ship's Talaxian cook, a native of the Delta Quadrant who came aboard Voyager at the very beginning of their Journey home. Coming aboard after he had helped the Captain to locate and rescue B'Elanna and Harry. In the process they also rescued his love, Kes. Since then he had progressed from being the ship's only cook and guide in the Delta Quadrant, to also being Voyager's part-time Ambassador.
Chakotay approached her with a sense of mirth, both at the expression on her face as she disdainfully eyed the concoction in front of her, and because of his quest, hoping that he had made the correct choice of partnership in his matchmaking mission.
Standing across the table from her he looked down, a grin etched on his face. "Lunch any good?"
She looked up startled from her thoughts then frowned as she recognized his mocking grin. "Dunno, why don't you try it and tell me, maybe then I could draw up the courage to eat it."
A throaty laugh escaped his lips, when he held up his hands in mock surrender. "I couldn't possibly. I just had lunch, but thank you."
Eyeing him narrowly she looked down at her food again. "Replicated, no doubt."
"Guilty as charged."
"Then what brings you to the Mess Hall, if it isn't the food."
He gestured to the unoccupied chair. "May I?"
She sighed, Chakotay only sat down if it was to be a lengthy discussion or a reprimand of some kind and silently wondered if she had done something wrong. "Sure, go ahead." she said lazily gesturing with her fork to the seat opposite her.
He sat down and folded his hands on the table in front of him. Not a good sign B'Elanna thought.
"Well?" she asked, wanting to get this over with as soon as possible.
"You have no doubt heard that we have detected traces of Galacite on an M-class planet about a day away."
She nodded. "Yes, Tom mentioned we were headed that way, and that we may have some shore leave coming up. Some very welcome shore leave I might add." Wondering if that was all that Chakotay had to say, deciding that it wasn't, he obviously had more to say but apparently he needed some prompting. "Why?" she asked finally, sparing a quick glance at her plate, pushing her food around, not very concerned with it for the moment.
"Oh, uhm, you were drafted for the preliminary survey mission," he faltered slightly, his smile fading, suddenly doubting the wisdom of his choice, knowing the antagonistic relationship between Seven and B’Elanna.
"Oh," she said a little confused. She took in the expression on his face, and realized there was still more he wanted to say. "So what is it that you are not telling me," she prodded. "A dangerous atmosphere, deadly animals, poisonous plants, what?"
"No, nothing like that," he said softly, then hunched forward conspiratorially. "But I need your help."
B'Elanna's eyes widened and she pushed the plate away from her before she hunched forward too, her voice dropping to a whisper. "I'm listening, what kind of help."
Chakotay looked over his shoulder, then back at B'Elanna. He made a quick decision and got up, walked around the table and sat down next to B'Elanna, deciding that their previous conspiratorial positioning could raise suspicions. Something he could ill afford. "I think the Captain is in love," he said softly.
"What!" she yelled in surprise. Chakotay looked around the room a little panicked, when he gestured with his hands for her to pipe down. Realizing the seriousness of their discussion, she immediately lowered her voice. Fortunately no-one took too much interest in their discussion, no doubt used to B'Elanna's passionate outcries in the Mess Hall. "Who with?" she asked, suddenly very curious.
"Never-mind that for the moment, I don't think she realizes it yet, but I think it would be good for her. Have you noticed in the last couple of months or so she has been in rather good spirits, but when she was grumpy its been worse than normal."
"Yes, I have noticed, and you think that she is in love with someone, just because the amplitudes of her ups and downs have increased?"
"I don't think it. I know it. I have started taking notice at when those elevated ups occurred, and I noticed that it usually went hand in hand with the presence of a certain crew member. I also noticed that the Captain got progressively grumpier in the prolonged absence of that crewmember. And yesterday the Captain was in an extreme rush to get everything back under control."
"Yes, I noticed. She even came down to Engineering to assist in the repairs. You think this is somehow connected?"
"She had an appointment with this person. I saw the person leaving her quarters at around 2200 hours."
B'Elanna could not take the mystery surrounding the identity of this crewmember's identity. "Dammit Chakotay, cut it out. Tell me who it is."
"First, I want you to tell me if you are willing to help. You know the Captain adheres to protocol, she will undoubtedly suppress her feelings and maybe lose out on the love of her life," he smoothly rounded her question again.
"It's not you, is it?" she eyed him suspiciously.
He ruefully shook his head. "No, it is not. That will never be."
"But you love her, how can you even consider helping someone else to win the affections of the woman you love," she asked, rather confused.
"Because she doesn't love me, and, well, it looks like the feeling is mutual. And if it is, who am I to stand in their way. I would rather see her happy. Doesn't she deserve to love too, even if it is one of her crew."
"I guess so," she offered lamely. "You have a good heart Chakotay. I don't think I would be able to do the same in your situation." She looked him in the eye sympathetically, covering his hands with her own. She had known that Chakotay had been secretly in love with their Captain since their second year on Voyager, but the Captain never returned his affections. Even though his intentions were good, this had to be hard for him, to finally know for sure that there could never be any more than just friendship. Maybe it was for the best, she thought, besides, Chakotay had been casting lingering looks at Seven a few months earlier. Kahless knows what he saw in that arrogant woman, but perhaps he was at last ready to move on.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" she ventured cautiously.
"Yes, I'm sure," he said confidently, letting B'Elanna know that he was sincere.
"All right," she said her mind made up. "I'll help you. Now for crying out loud will you tell me who it is?"
Chakotay looked her squarely in the eye, then bit down on his apprehension. If the information that the Captain was in love surprised her, his next revelation was going to shock her profoundly. He bent his head down and took a breath. "It's Seven." he informed her in a soft voice.
"What?" B'Elanna shouted vehemently, totally oblivious to the startled looks she was now getting from the various crewmembers assembled in the Mess Hall. The crowd had grown significantly since they started their conversation and Chakotay pressed his hand over her mouth.
"Shh, quiet. Do you want the whole ship to know what we are up to?"
"The Borg? Are you kidding me?" she whispered expressively, sarcasm dripping from her voice. She looked at him, something suddenly dawning on her. She sat back in her chair and folded her arms over her chest. "Is this some kind of practical joke, is it April 1st already? This was Tom and Harry's idea, wasn't it? Well it's not funny Chakotay," she ventured.
When he did not laugh, she sobered immediately sitting forward again, her body slightly angled towards him. "You are serious!?"
A moderated "yes" was all she got from him in response.
She dropped her face into her hands with a sigh. "Wouldn't it be easier just to set her up with a replicator," she asked, realizing that Chakotay was asking a lot of her. How could he possibly want her to help him, he knew how she felt about Seven. "How could you possibly think it could work?"
"I don't know if it could, but I know that they feel something for each other. Something strong, all I want is for us to get them to the point where they are willing to explore that avenue. If it doesn't work out, I can't do anything about it, but what if they truly love each other and we do nothing, they'd be missing out on their chance at happiness, all because of the Captain's adherence to protocol, and our unwillingness to help."
"You mean to interfere. It's not our place Chakotay. Do you really think we have the right to interfere, even if your intentions are honorable?"
"Look, you know the Captain, and you know the guilt she carries about getting us all stuck in the Delta Quadrant. She would sacrifice everything to get us back home, including her own happiness. I don't know about you, but I don't want her to do that. She has been beating herself up about it for nearly 7 years, I think it's time she forgave herself. Regulations and our situation aside, I'm certain the Captain would have pursued her own happiness. I know we don't have the right to interfere, but do you really think that she should miss her chance at happiness, just because Protocols and Regulations do not permit it. Especially when there is a possibility that we may not get back home for another fifteen or twenty years and because you can hardly tolerate the person she is attracted to?"
"I never considered you to be such a romantic, Chakotay," she said, looking at him in astonishment. She let out an audible sigh before she agreed. "Fine, what do you want us to do?"
"The Captain is leading the survey team. You, Hogan and Seven make up the rest. The Captain will, most likely, have you and Hogan work together on the mission because you are both ex-Maquis. She would figure that you two would work well together. That would leave her working with Seven. That would give them some time to be around each other, away from Voyager. I want you to give them as much time alone together as you possibly can. Maybe, being away from Voyager, the Captain will relax a little which in turn would let her realize what she feels." He shook his head. "I have not made any plans beyond that. Let's first see if there is any natural progress from their side. If there's not, I will think of something else. I don't think that is too much interfering, for the moment we are merely trying to facilitate in the situation." He offered a charming smile as if it would finally convince her.
B'Elanna returned the smile weakly, she still had her reservations about the fact that the Captain was attracted to the Borg but the Captain had given B'Elanna a chance once, believed in her. In return she had come to love, respect and trust Janeway. She wanted Janeway to be happy too, even if the Captain did choose someone she herself could barely tolerate. It wasn't like Chakotay wanted her to date the Borg herself and if Seven made the Captain happy, then so be it. It was strictly between them, but who said they couldn't do with a little push in the right direction. "If the Captain ever finds out, I will deny everything. You will fry for this one on your own."
He laughed. "I can live with that." He stood up, straightening his uniform. "The Captain and I will draw up the mission specs later, but first I have to get to Astrometrics to inform Seven, you will have the specs by 1800 hours. Can we keep this between us?"
"Okay," she smiled mischievously, "thanks for lunch."
"Not at all, see you later," he said grinning and turned to leave.
"Yeah, sure whatever."
The hum of the transporter sounded in their ears as the away team materialized planetside on the Eastern continent. Janeway and Seven immediately retrieved their tricorders and began to scan the vicinity. B'Elanna and Hogan took a few moments to look around them. To their left and front they found themselves staring at a black sand beach and a bright blue ocean. To the right a high black rocky mountain range, lining the coast and stretching for several hundred kilometers, the sun illuminating a large lake at its base where it shouldered the beach. They turned back only to be faced with the outskirts of dense emerald woods.
B'Elanna sucked in a breath in awe and when she spoke, wonder filled her voice.
"Wow, it's beautiful! Captain, I think we may have landed on paradise."
Janeway smiled lazily and closed her tricorder as she turned to look at her Chief Engineer, who had a volatile temper at the best of times and B'Elanna's amazed reaction caught her off guard. Janeway had a soft spot for her Engineer and it was rare that the Klingon/Human hybrid ever displayed such delight. "Looks like a fine place for shore leave don't you think, Lt?"
"It certainly does, Captain," B'Elanna beamed. Janeway thought for a moment, and decided to indulge her Chief Engineer.
"Well, since you are so obviously taken by the planet, you and Hogan take up the task of establishing if the area is safe and secure enough for shore leave. Seven and I will see if we can find the Galacite source."
B'Elanna's face lit up with excitement as she regarded Janeway. "Aye, Captain," she said giddily and grabbed Hogan by the elbow, half dragging him towards the forest, trying to get them as far away from Janeway and Seven as possible. "Come on Hogan, I can tell this is going to be an unforgettable shore leave."
"Well Seven, looks like you and I have pulled the short end of the stick," she said as she turned and started towards the mountain, following the readings of her tricorder.
"Captain?" Seven followed obediently, while looking at Janeway inquiringly.
Janeway smiled then and stopped to look at Seven indulgently. "It's an expression Seven, it just means that B'Elanna and Hogan get to do the fun half of the mission, exploring the area, and we get to do the work."
"Indeed," was all she said as she stared at the Captain oddly for a moment then opened her tricorder. Janeway knew from experience that this was not the end of this particular discussion, but she knew that it was all she was going to get from Seven for the moment. She started walking again, opening her own tricorder, setting out towards the mountain. Seven silently fell into step next to Janeway, companionable silence between them until they reached the base of the mountain.
Consulting her tricorder, Seven finally broke the silence. "Captain, the tricorder has triangulated the source of the Galacite emissions, it appears that it is just above that precipice overhead, nearly one-hundred and twenty meters up." she said pointing towards the precipice.
Janeway grinned and eyed Seven inconspicuously. "Well, I guess this is where the hard work starts. While you where in the collective, did the Borg ever teach you mountain climbing?"
The corner of Seven’s mouth almost unnoticeably quirked up, to the casual observer it would appear only as a small twitch, but to Janeway it was a clear indication of Seven's amusement at the implied humor in her question. She mused at the joy that suddenly crawled into her chest at the simple pleasure of witnessing Seven's amusement. She was even more surprised when Seven responded in kind.
"I believe that I must have been regenerating when the Borg hosted that particular training, Captain," Seven said, humor twinkling in her eyes.
Janeway's laughter blew over Seven like a gentle breeze, swirling around her and enfolding her softly, completely, the sound of it curling her lips into a smile. Janeway watched in awe, breathless, as the young woman shared the beauty of her very first spontaneous smile with her. Seven had developed a wicked sense of humor, she concluded, as she reconsidered Seven's parting comment two nights before and realized that she did not imagine the smirk on Seven's face that night. And dry, she added, just like Tuvok.
"Come on, let's find a way up," she said, still chuckling.
They were about thirty meters up the mountain, for the first part navigating a rough zig-zagging trail with sharp protruding rocks, when they came to a halt before a thin ledge of rock that had to be crossed. It was about fifteen feet, lining a fairly smooth rockface, directly above the lake. Despite the early hour, the sun shone directly overhead and reflected silver light form the surface of the water beneath them. Janeway frowned slightly, when she looked at the sun, a sudden sense of urgency crawled upon her as she realized that they may have less than four hours of sunlight left. She put her foot out onto the ledge, edging a little weight on it, testing if it would hold them up.
Seven not realizing that Janeway was only testing the hold, reached out quickly and grabbed the Captain's upper arm in a tight grip.
Janeway looked up in alarm when she felt the sharp pain digging into her arm. Immediately angered when she saw that Seven was causing it. "Seven, what the hell are you doing? You are hurting me!" she barked out. Seven immediately released the grip on the Captain's arm, looking thoroughly abashed, as Janeway stood glaring at Seven menacingly, her hands placed firmly on her hips.
"My apologies, Captain," she managed softly. "It was not my intention to cause you damage. I merely wanted to stop you from crossing the ledge until we established it would carry our weight."
Janeway's anger subsided, as she realized that Seven was only looking out for her Captain. She looked up into Seven's eyes gesturing towards the ledge. "I wasn't planning on crossing Seven, I was actually testing if the ledge would hold us," she said by way of explanation.
Seven looked at her Captain with disbelief. "That method of testing is inefficient, you were still at risk," she said a little harshly.
The Captain sighed loudly pinching the Bridge of her nose. When she spoke the hand pinching her nose flailed wildly to the side. "Do you have a better method?" she asked in exasperation.
"I believe I can modify my tricorder to scan how much weight the ledge can withstand, Captain," Seven said stoically.
Janeway shot a glance upward and sighed again. "How long will it take you to make the modification?"
"Approximately two point four minutes, Captain."
"All right, make the modification, I don't think we have a lot of sunlight left," she agreed.
"Yes, Captain," Seven said as she immediately started imputting a series of algorithms into her tricorder.
Janeway watched Seven as she made the modifications, wondering at Seven's harsh response when she said that her methods were inefficient, leaving her at risk. Certainly the way she said it indicated that Seven was afraid for her safety, but why did she neglect the 'Captain' specifically then? Was it just a crewmember's concern for the safety of her Captain, or was she implying something more? Concern for her, for Kathryn Janeway. Good god, Kate, get a hold of yourself. You are on a survey mission, not a picnic. Mmmh, Katie, now that's a good idea. Take her on a picnic while you are on the planet for shore leave. That is, if you can get her away from the ship.
"The modifications are complete, Captain," Seven interrupted Janeway's silent monologue. She stepped around Janeway and held out her tricorder, scanning the ledge. The Captain looked around Seven's shoulder and read out the results from the tricorder.
"Aah, ninety-seven kilograms," she said, straightening her uniform. "How much do you weigh?" she asked, knowing if it had been any other woman than Seven, she would probably get a mouthful about the inappropriateness of asking.
Seven looked at her completely confounded. "I do not know." She reminded herself to check this with the Doctor at a later stage, storing it away in her cortical implant.
The Captain grinned and looked her over, lingering, with a look very reminiscent of a mild leer, for a moment on the soft curves of her hips, finally judging that with her physique, Seven could not possibly weigh more than ninety-seven kilograms. "I'd say we are clear to cross. Now, let's get going," she commanded lightly.
"Should we not request that Voyager beam down safety equipment first, Captain?"
"Nah," Janeway waved off the suggestion, "it'll hold Seven, besides, all we need to do is shuffle over. I'll go first."
"Yes, Captain," Seven said with a sudden sense of foreboding as she watched Janeway step onto the ledge and start to shuffle across. Her heart started hammering wildly as she watched the Captain cross the ledge then the Captain gave a last shuffle and stepped safely onto a broader outcrop. Seven let out a quiet sigh of relief when she realized the peril she felt was unfounded, however the sense of foreboding did not leave her entirely. From the far side the Captain looked over at Seven who was still standing hesitantly at the other side, then waved her over.
"Come on, Seven, don't look so scared, it's only about fifteen feet, just stand close to the rockface and shuffle across," she yelled.
Seven looked down at the thin ledge then at the silver lake beneath her with apprehension. The Captain chuckled slightly at the sight, realizing that Seven could have a fear of heights. "Come on," she cried again, "it's all right. There's really nothing to it."
Seven looked at Janeway then back down at the ledge, gulped and stepped out onto the ledge. When the ledge held her up for the first four shuffles, she breathed a sigh of relief, feeling a little more confident that the ledge would indeed hold her up. But on her fifth shuffle she heard pebbles falling directly beneath her. She looked down and saw the crack forming in the ledge, sending the pebbles cascading down the mountainside and crashing into the lake, she jerked her head up and looked at Janeway, her eyes wide with terror, as she heard the ledge crumbling away under her feet. Before either could react, the ledge gave way beneath Seven and Janeway could only look on in horror as Seven started falling, crashing into protruding rocks on the way down, splashing awkwardly into the lake.
"SEVEN!" she screamed, as the horror unfolded before her eyes. She thought quickly, looking down at the lake for the darkest spot in the water, knowing that it indicated the deepest parts, but the sunlight, reflecting off the water's surface made those spots extremely difficult to identify. She took an educated guess, and leapt off the side of the overhang. Wondering, in the few seconds she fell, why Seven had not emerged yet. Did she know how to swim, was she unconscious? Her entrance into the water was smooth, her hands tucked in at her sides and feet pressed tightly together, toes pointed.
She emerged quickly and glanced around at the area where Seven had hit the water. Panic nearly overtook her when she still saw no sign of Seven above water. She took a deep breath to steady herself, then another before she dived underwater, swimming in the direction of where Seven had fallen into the water. A thousand things going through her mind in those moments. Why didn't the ledge hold, why didn't she listen to Seven when she suggested getting safety equipment? Looking around in the water, she felt her lungs start to burn. She had to go up, she had to get air, paddling up she saw something glitter in the sunlight, about three meters down and directly in front of her. Seven's optical implant, it had to be, and she prayed that it was. She broke the water with a loud gasp. She took two gasping breaths, then another deep one before she dipped down again, this time headed straight for the glittering metal.
She reached the shiny object, reached out to touch it, then feeling around it, to see if it was attached to something larger. It was Seven and in her relief she nearly sighed, remembering just in time that she was underwater. She snaked her hands round Seven's shoulders from beneath, tucking her hands under Seven's armpits. She positioned her body so that she could kick them up, pushing off from the bottom of the lake.
When they broke the surface, she quickly guided her body under Seven's, her arm reaching over Seven's shoulder, forearm resting lightly on Seven's chest and her hand tucked under Seven's chin, keeping it above water. With her other she paddled them towards the nearest bank, silently offering up a prayer of gratitude for her first aid and water rescue training.
They finally reached the bank, the muscles in her arm beginning to ache from the exertion. She reached down, locking both arms firmly around the young woman and hauled Seven's body halfway out of the water with some effort. She looked her over, seeing that Seven's biosuit was torn in several places, blood seeping out from the battered skin beneath and an ugly cut just over her right eye bleeding profusely. Worst of all, Seven was not breathing.
Janeway reached out to the pulse-point in Seven's neck to feel for a heartbeat and heaved a sigh of relief when she felt the faint pulse fluttering beneath her fingertips. Without thinking Janeway lifted Seven's chin in an automated response, resting the weight on the back of Seven's head to clear the airway. She reached out and with a trembling hand wiped away the tassled strands of hair that had come loose before she opened Seven's mouth, holding it open at the chin, the other closing Seven's nose. Taking a breath she bent down and pressed her mouth over Seven's, breathing air into her lungs, then released her hold on Seven's chin and nose. She straightened up a bit looking down at the younger woman in near panic. "Come on, Seven, breathe. Please, please, breathe." Nothing happened and after a few seconds, she bent over again, reassuming her hands' positioning on Seven's face to breathe more air into her lungs.
Seven slowly started drifting up from the darkness that enfolded her, the light growing stronger. The last thing she remembered was falling from the ledge, hitting the water. She strained her ears, what was that noise she kept hearing? She felt a shadow cross before the light she was drifting towards, someone was holding open her mouth, but when she felt her nose being pinched closed, her eyes shot open, in time to see Janeway bending down to... to... to what... kiss her? Her heart suddenly started racing in her chest in anticipation, but before Janeway could kiss her she started sputtering and she felt the water being violently expelled from her lungs, inducing a bout of loud couching. Janeway sat back quickly, as Seven reached up and wiped at her mouth with her soaked sleeve when the couching had subsided. Janeway silently looked on and when she saw Seven reach up to her, she assumed that the young woman wanted to say something to her so she lowered her head slightly. But instead of speaking Seven gently slid her hand behind Janeway's neck and pulled her down towards her face.
She realized too late what Seven was doing as she felt soft lips enclose her own. Seven's lips started moving tenderly, tentatively, over hers, the sensation of those full, soft lips making her dizzy. For a moment she was lost in the kiss, her own lips responding to Seven's increasingly insistent mouth, her body and fingertips tingling, but when Seven's tongue slipped softly over her lips, requesting entry, she remembered where they were and why they were there. She pulled away abruptly looking down into Seven's blazing eyes, her pupils dilated pools of black. She was not stupid, she knew desire when she saw it. And that was desire. Her body turned to ice, whether it was shock or arousal, she did not know. What she did know was that this was inappropriate, conduct unbecoming an Officer. On top of that, Seven was injured. Common sense, and her sense of duty returned to her then. She reached up and slapped her comm badge to open a channel to Voyager. "Voyager, medical emergency. Beam Seven directly to Sickbay."
"Captain?" Seven asked, confused at the Captain's reaction. The Captain had gone decidedly pale she noticed but Janeway did not answer, because just then the sparkles of the transporter appeared around Seven, dematerializing her, only to rematerialize her in Sickbay moments later. The Doctor was already hunched over her.
Janeway remained behind, trying desperately to regain her wildly disrupted composure, when she heard B'Elanna yell for her. Her head jerked up in surprise, and when she saw that Hogan was right beside her she blushed slightly and prayed that they did not see the kiss, that they did not witness her unbecoming behavior. She pushed her rampant thoughts to the back of her mind for later analysis as she tried to get a hold of herself to face her approaching crewmembers.
B'Elanna and Hogan both heard the Captain's frantic scream. They looked at each other briefly with wide eyes then ran back hurriedly. Through the trees B'Elanna saw something red and black falling from an outcrop on the mountainside, realizing immediately that it was the Captain. She witnessed the small splash of water as the Captain landed in the water, and increased their pace. They cleared the last trees and exited the wood.
When they had finally reached the clearing where they all materialized earlier, B'Elanna saw the Captain dragging out Seven's body from the water, she was bleeding. Amidst the running she found that she was wishing that the Borg would be okay. Realizing with shock, that somehow, somewhere she had in fact come to care for Seven and that she would really miss her if something happened to her. Once more she increased the pace, only this time Hogan fell behind, and for once she thanked Kahless for being half Klingon and blessed with an extra lung. She looked towards where the Captain was and saw her administering CPR to Seven, she came to a screeching halt when she saw Seven sputter and then reach up behind the Captain's neck pulling her down to kiss her. "Well, I'll be..." she said to herself, "maybe Chakotay had a point, it looks like our Borg's not such a cold fish after all."
She stood watching, dumbstruck for a moment. As the kiss ended, Janeway, looking somewhat pale, called for an emergency beam-out and Hogan slammed into her from behind, sending them both crashing down hard into the ground.
Hogan rolled off her, pushing himself up from the ground instantly then bent over, offering his arm to help her up. "I ... I ... uhm ... sorry Lt, I didn't see you stop, I was just trying to catch up with you." He stammered, a rosy blush loudly announcing his embarrassment.
B'Ellana rolled over onto her backside, maneuvering her pronounced five-month pregnant belly into an awkward sitting position with some effort. She stared up at the offered hand darkly then reached out for it, pulling herself up as she heard Hogan stammer his apology.
Once standing, she dusted her uniform then checked if she looked presentable. "That's okay, Hogan, but next time, watch were you're going," she said with annoyance, as she hoped to Kahless that he did not see the kiss. "Let's get to the Captain and find out what happened. Seven was beamed back to Voyager and judging from the blood, I'd say she got hurt pretty bad." She looked down at her belly with concern and smoothed her hand over it. She had to let the Doctor just check on her when they returned to Voyager.
They jogged side by side for a few yards when B'Elanna yelled "Captain!" She immediately identified the shock in the Captain's eyes and the instant blush on her cheeks, and she prayed that Hogan did not see it, neither the kiss, nor the blush.
When they finally reached the Captain, her command mask was firmly in place and there was no trace of the blush that graced her features a few moments before.
"Captain?" B'Elanna asked, "what happened, we heard you scream and we got here as fast as we could," and for good measure she added "just in time to see Seven being beamed up." The relief that flooded the Captain's eyes at that last bit of information, made her quickly stifle the grin threatening to erupt.
"We were crossing a ledge directly overhead, about a third of the way up towards the Galacite source. The ledge gave way under Seven and she fell. Fortunately the lake broke her fall. I jumped in after her when she did not surface, but she was unconscious when I finally reached her. I administered CPR, and when she came around I requested an emergency beamout. She was a bit battered," the Captain blabbered as she combed through her wet tassled strands of hair with her fingers, trying futilely to establish some sense of order to it.
"Aah, I see. Were you hurt, Captain? she asked with some concern.
"No, I'm fine, thank you Lt.," the Captain said getting up and straightening her wet, clinging uniform to the best of her abilities.
"So is everything else in order then?" B'Elanna asked just to make doubly sure.
"Well, we haven't found the source of the Galacite yet, and it seems that we only have about three hours of daylight left. If we are lucky," the Captain said pointing up towards the sun. "The sun has already passed overhead and it's not even 0920 hours yet. I think we should head back to the ship, we can do this tomorrow."
"Aye, Captain," both B'Elanna and Hogan responded.
"In the meantime, you can fill out the reports on your findings. Is it safe for shore leave, Lt?"
"Yes, Captain, it looks pretty safe, but we did find some poisonous plants in the woods. I am sure if we warn the crew to stay away from them, we can take shore leave without incident."
"All right, have your reports to me in my Ready Room by 1100 hours, Chakotay and I will start setting up the shore leave rotation schedule. Remember to put in the warning for those poisonous plants."
"I'll be sure to add it, Captain, I for one wouldn't want Neelix to get his hands on them. His Leola root stew is poison enough," B'Elanna said seriously.
Janeway let out a bark of laughter. "Lt, I don't recommend you put that last statement in your report," she said chuckling then activated her comm badge. "Janeway to Voyager. Three to beam up."
Moments later they dematerialized, B'Elanna's response getting lost in the transport.
"There we go, all fixed up," the Doctor said as he finished with the dermal regenerator. "Now, would you mind telling me what happened down there?" he asked as he helped Seven sit up on the biobed, but before she could respond the doors to Sickbay hissed open, letting B'Elanna in.
"B'Elanna, hi," he said brightly, "what brings you to Sickbay?"
"Hey doc. Nothing serious. I bought some land down on the surface. I landed on my stomach. I just wanted you to check if it caused any damage," she said smoothing her hand over her belly.
Seven looked at her, confused. "You... bought some land, Lt?"
B'Elanna looked at Seven indulgently where she was still perched halfway down from the biobed. "I fell. Hogan ran into me and when we fell he landed on my back."
The confusion in Seven's eyes cleared immediately. "Indeed."
B'Elanna eyed her surreptitiously. "How are you doing Seven? From what I heard, you took a nasty spill yourself, falling from the cliff?" she asked with apparent concern.
"That is correct," Seven responded evenly. "I am functioning within acceptable..." she interrupted herself. "I am fine, thank you, Lt." she managed politely.
The Engineer managed a small smile, all things considered Seven was actually quite polite, even pleasant when she wanted to be. "Glad to hear it," she said, the smile widening into a toothy grin. "Voyager really wouldn't be the same without you," she added softly as she realized the truth of her statement.
Seven, who was just pushing off the biobed froze and looked at B'Elanna with surprise. "Lt?"
"What?" the Engineer asked in mock defense. "Well, it wouldn't."
"I think the Doctor should treat you now. It seems you may have damaged yourself more than you think," Seven said looking serious, but the humor in her tone was evident.
B'Elanna laughed, maybe she had been too hard on the Borg, she thought, perhaps she should spend some time with her during shore leave, it was possible that Seven could have more surprises up her sleeve if her sense of humor was anything to go by. And maybe, just maybe she'd be able to see what made her Captain fall in love with the young woman. "I don't think I was that badly injured Seven," she chuckled.
"Very well, Lt," she said then turned to face the Doctor, who had retrieved his medical tricorder and now stood witnessing the exchange with interest a few feet away. "Am I fit to return to duty, Doctor?" she asked as she walked over to him.
"Why yes, Seven. You are as fit as a fiddle."
Seven frowned at him, having heard enough expressions for one day when she suddenly remembered that she was supposed to ask the Doctor something. She accessed her cortical implant for the question she had filed away earlier. "Doctor, I have a question." she summarily said, ignoring his dismissal.
"Sure, fire away," he said.
Seven gave an annoyed sigh. "When we identified that the ledge could withstand ninety-seven kilograms, the Captain asked me how much I weighed. I did not know," she started.
"Aah," the Doctor interrupted "and you want to know how much you weigh?"
"Yes."
"Of course, Seven. Just a moment" he said and walked over to his work console.
A few minutes later they had established that Seven weighed one-hundred and two kilograms, discovering that her Borg implants made her much heavier, nearly thirty-five kilograms, than her slim frame suggested. The mystery of the ledge crumbling away being solved, Seven was satisfied that such an accident would not occur again in the future and once again readied to leave Sickbay. "Thank you Doctor, I will return to duty now," she said courteously and turned to face B'Elanna.
"Have a... good day... Lt.,"
"You too Seven," B'Elanna hesitated, then added "and it's B'Elanna."
Seven nodded "I hope all is in order with you... B'Elanna." she said sincerely then turned to exit Sickbay, as the Doctor's "Goodbye Seven" and B'Elanna's own astonished "Likewise" reached her. She exited wondering at the change in B'Elanna's behavior, leaving the Doctor and B'Elanna staring at each other in astonishment. B'Elanna's astonishment sprang from Seven's courteous parting, and the Doctor's from witnessing the civil rapport between the two women. Everyone aboard Voyager was aware of the antagonistic relationship between them and to see them interacting in a civil manner was a rare sight to behold indeed.
Seven for her part was a little concerned, because the last time B'Elanna was 'nice' to her they found that she was suffering from severe depression. She wondered if she should inform the Captain of this, but thinking of the Captain only made her remember the last time she had seen her. They had kissed, she remembered how her body tingled and then the Captain pulled back looking decidedly pale and a shocked expression in her eyes. She looked disconcerted when she requested that Seven be beamed to Sickbay. The Captain's reaction confused her and she concluded that she had to speak with the Captain. Soon.
Janeway was in her quarters, she sat comfortably, one foot tucked under a thigh, on the couch, immersed in a book, when her door chime sounded. She glanced up at the chronometer to see that it was 2100 hours. Impulsively her heart started beating faster, she knew who was at her door and she did not know if she was ready for this conversation, but she was painfully aware of what had to be said and done.
The rest of the day, after the incident with Seven on the planet, she had been plagued, no haunted, by the memory. She experienced a fleeting moment of existential joy when Seven kissed her. A joy she knew she could not possibly experience again. It was wrong and it was inappropriate.
The chime sounding a second time informing her that her guest had still not been granted permission to enter made her take a steadying breath, hoping that it would still the bout of nervousness she was currently experiencing. "Come," she called out.
Seven stood in the doorway, taking a moment as her eyes adjusted to the low illumination in the Captain's quarters.
"Seven? Something wrong?" the Captain asked in mock interest as the young woman adjusted to the lighting. "How are you feeling?" she asked already knowing the answer, but not planning on making it apparent that she knew exactly what this visit was for.
"I am ... fine, Captain, but I am uncertain," Seven ventured, "there is a matter I wish to discuss with you."
"All right, shoot." she said uneasily, unaware that she used almost the same phrasing with Seven as the Doctor had earlier.
"It concerns Lt. Torres."
"Lt. Torres?" Janeway asked with surprise. This was not what she had expected her Astrometrics Officer to say. Red alert klaxons rang loudly in her head. Was B'Elanna the 'she' Seven referred to the other night. Was Seven in love with B'Elanna and now wanted her advise on how to tell her. She considered that B'Elanna was married and decided that she could not possibly allow Seven to drop this kind of a bombshell on her Chief Engineer, besides, B'Elanna was pregnant with her and Tom's first child. Talk about inappropriate, maybe kissing Seven was not such a bad idea after all. Perhaps it would dissuade her from pursuing the Klingon.
"Yes."
"What about her?" the Captain asked with caution.
"I am concerned for her well-being. When I was in Sickbay earlier she came to look up the Doctor. When she was on the surface crewman Hogan ran into her and she fell on her stomach, he fell on top of her," Seven began.
The Captain got up from her chair, alarmed at the information she just received. "She did not mention it on the surface, is she all right?"
"I believe that she is... fine, physically and the Doctor said that the fetus was also unharmed," she explained. "That is not the reason for my concern."
"What is the reason for your concern then?" the Captain asked with a sense of dread enclosing on her.
"While she was in Sickbay, her demeanor towards me was non-confrontational," Seven offered, looking a little perplexed.
"Non-confrontational?" the Captain asked somewhat perplexed herself, painfully aware of the volatile relationship between the two women.
"That is correct. The last time she was 'friendly' towards me, she was diagnosed with severe depression. I am concerned that she may be suffering a lapse."
"Thank you for letting me know, Seven. I will ask the Doctor to have a look at her in the morning to see if your concerns are justified," the Captain said, hoping that this would not turn out to be the case as the dread she felt earlier dissipated. She concluded never to make assumptions about what Seven was going to say again.
"There is another matter I wish to discuss with you, Captain," Seven dropped the bombshell on her unsuspecting Captain.
"Go ahead, Seven," she said as the dread returned and her body tensed.
"I am again uncertain how to proceed," she said slowly, a tinge of fear edging into her voice. She paused. The Captain did not interrupt, so she took a steadying breath before continuing. "This morning I kissed you, at first you returned the kiss, but then you pulled back and requested an emergency beamout."
"You were injured, Seven. You had to be treated by the Doctor," the Captain said huskily.
Seven took a few steps closer, standing mere centimeters from Janeway. "When you pulled back, you looked frightened. Why?" she asked, her voice soft and threaded with emotion.
"I... uhm..." the Captain faltered as she saw Seven reach for her and she was pulled against her. Her body drinking up the heat from Seven's body pressed tightly against her, even as her mind warned her of the impending danger she was in. She looked up wildly into Seven's eyes.
"You are afraid again," she stated firmly. "Are you afraid of me, Captain?" she asked very softly, the fear back in her voice.
"No, Seven," Janeway managed her voice a husky whisper, still looking into Seven's eyes. She could see the fear in her eyes, hear it in her voice and wondered why Seven wanted to know if she was afraid, when it was quite evident that Seven was the one who was afraid.
Seven lowered her head, intent on kissing Janeway. She felt the Captain's body tense the moment their lips met. She kissed her softly, until she felt the Captain's body relax against hers, then to her delight she felt the Captain's mouth yield to hers and Janeway's hands slid slowly up her arms and curled around her neck. A warm hand moved to cradle her neck, her own arms wrapping around Janeway pulling her closer still. The Captain's yielding mouth worked in unison with her own and when she softly guided her tongue over Janeway's lips, they parted, granting her full access. The warm sweetness of the Captain's mouth overwhelmed her senses, and the universe faded away from her, leaving only the woman she held in her arms. Unconsciously she deepened their kiss, their tongues dueling with one another.
Kathryn felt her arms involuntarily move up and around Seven's neck. She was vaguely aware that she was making a big mistake, but she could not seem to stop what was happening. She just wanted to experience this joy once more, of holding and kissing the woman she was in love with properly, while she still could. Just this one last time. Her mouth opened to the request for entry, inviting a deeper kiss. The world around her was spinning, making her feel lightheaded. She needed to get back into control and she had no idea how to do it. Kathryn! She is a member of your crew, her Starfleet ideals kicked and screamed within, but it was useless.
Finally Seven ended the kiss, placing a soft chaste kiss on the Captain's mouth. "Captain," she managed in a hoarse whisper. "I believe that I am in love with you."
Janeway snapped back to reality and she unceremoniously pushed herself away from an astounded Seven. She took a step back and hardened her voice, her command mask falling easily into place. "I can't! Seven, I can't do it," she paused briefly, her gaze dropped and she regretted having to say the next words, like she had never regretted anything else before in her life. "You should leave. Now," she said looking back into Seven's eyes, her voice ice cold. She saw Seven flinch at the tone and pain filling her eyes. Her own heart shattered into billions of sharp shards embedding themselves in her chest painfully.
Seven dropped her head. The pain the Captain's words caused momentarily disabled her. "Why not, Captain?" she asked in a weak whisper, pain threading her voice.
"It is inappropriate for the Captain to become involved with a member of her crew," she tonelessly noted. "I cannot do it, Seven," she repeated firmly.
"But you feel something, I could sense it in your kiss." she tried.
"That is irrelevant, Seven. What I feel does not matter, what matters is that you are a member of my crew and that I cannot form any kind of relationship with you, beyond what we have now," she said, her eyes a stormy grey. "It is just not possible and it is against regulations, and as Captain I have to adhere to those regulations."
"But..." Seven tried, about to launch a debate.
"But nothing. You will leave right now, and not mention this to me again, is that clear?" the Captain said harshly, nearly frantic. She wished Seven would leave, she could not stand seeing the hurt she was causing Seven. Not to mention the pain that heavily filled her own chest. Already she felt the tears stinging painfully at the back of her eyes, and she feared that if Seven did not leave soon, they would overwhelm her while she was still in her quarters. "Is that understood?" she lowered the register of her voice to its most dangerous level.
Seven stood to attention, finding a cold comfort in her familiar Borg stance. "Understood," she managed with a tremulous voice when she finally found the courage to speak again. "Is this the part where you are being cruel to be kind, Captain." Janeway looked down at her feet in answer. "Goodnight," Seven said, building anger clear in her voice. She turned without her customary nod, nearly running as she fled the room.
"I'm sorry, Seven," Janeway said softly before her own vision began to swim, and a heart-wrenching sob tore from her body. She walked slowly into her room and collapsed onto her bed, her whole body shook as she cried, for Seven and the pain she saw in her eyes. Pain she herself had caused and could never take back. She cried because she loved Seven, because she knew Seven returned her feelings and because it was a love she could never experience. She cried because she would never again know Seven's kiss, because she was the Captain and she of all her crew should set an example by adhering to regulations and protocols. And finally she cried because from this moment on, she knew, her heart would never cease carrying this empty hurt of loss it felt now and her soul would always feel this aching need.
Much later she fell asleep curled up into a small bundle in the middle of her bed.
Seven stumbled aimlessly through the corridors, not seeing or even knowing where she was going. She in fact did not really care where she was going, just as long it was nowhere near Captain Kathryn Janeway, somewhere she would no longer feel the cutting pain in her slashed soul.
She finally came to a halt in front of the Cargo Bay doors, staring at them in confusion as they opened to her. Her vision was blurred and she concluded that it must be from the tears that filled her eyes. She blinked the tears from her eyes and they cleared barely long enough for her to recognize where she was. Cargo Bay 2, her residence, her sanctuary, then the tears welled up in her eyes and her vision started swimming again. When the doors closed behind her she instructed the computer to seal the doors, not consciously aware that she had done so. She rested heavily against the bulkhead.
She slid down slowly as her sorrow started to enfold her and a pain-filled sob wracked her chest. Irregular, unchecked gasps for air escaped her throat in low howls, as she tried to expel her pain in this fashion. She was unaware that a pair of shocked eyes bore witness to her breakdown.
B'Elanna had left Tom in their quarters after they had finished dinner and talked about their respective days, she had mentioned to him that she wanted to invite Seven to join them for a day during shore leave and this garnered a surprised look from her husband. Tom agreed quietly to her plans and he found himself wondering what had brought about the sudden change in the Engineer, but decided that it would be in his best interest not to discuss the matter right at that moment.
Around 2130 hours B'Elanna entered Cargo Bay 2, expecting Seven to be there and hoping that she was not regenerating. When she entered and found the Cargo Bay empty, she sighed in resignation and walked over to the work console, contemplating to leave a message for Seven to come and see her when she had a spare moment. She had just activated the screen to the console when she heard the doors hiss open. She smiled as she looked up, but the smile immediately fell from her face the moment she took in the young woman's appearance. Her eyes widened in shock as she witnessed, with growing horror, Seven's obvious distress. All she ever thought of the Borg was shattered in that moment. Allowing her to see the vulnerable and sensitive young woman hidden beneath the arrogant, icy exterior, and she wondered how she ever called her an ice queen.
She moved slowly out from behind the console, and approached Seven warily. It appeared that the Borg had no idea of her presence. She never looked up, not even when B'Elanna crouched cautiously next to her.
"Seven?" B'Elanna asked gently.
The disturbed young woman looked up at her but the response seemed to be automated at the mention of her name. There was no conscious recognition in her eyes, only pain. The unexpectedness of this site caused B'Elanna to gasp when she recognized the pain among the tears filling Seven's eyes. Seven did not speak as she stared blankly at B'Elanna.
"Seven?" she tried again, a little more insistent. "Seven, are you all right?"
A flicker of recognition crossed her eyes, when Seven realized there was someone there with her, but the sobs never ceased. Unconsciously she just reached up and put her arms around B'Elanna's neck, seeking comfort and grounding. She clung to B'Elanna as if she was afraid that this unexpected source of comfort would disappear. The Engineer hesitated briefly, at a loss as to what to do but after a moment's consideration she wrapped her arms around Seven's waist and started softly stroking her back in an effort to sooth the distressed young woman. Quietly whispering comforting words in the Borg's ears. Seven buried her head in B'Elanna's shoulder, the comforting embrace and soothing sounds wrapping around her like a warm blanket, aiding to keep her torn soul from shredding apart. B'Elanna waited patiently, continuing to stroke Seven's back softly, knowing that she had to calm the young woman first before she could find out what had happened to cause her this much anguish.
After long minutes the sobs started to subside, as she started drawing strength from the safe warmth surrounding her. After a few more moments Seven started taking deep breaths. When she was once again breathing normally, she became fully aware of B'Elanna's presence. She released her hold on the Engineer and cleared her throat. "Lt? Did you require my assistance?" she asked weakly and frowned when B'Elanna pushed her back down as she tried to get up.
"No, Seven, I am here in an unofficial capacity," she said softly, still holding Seven down. "Are you all right, Seven, what happened?" she asked sincerely concerned.
"I am functioning within acceptable parameters," Seven reverted to her Borg speech.
Oh boy, B'Elanna thought, this was bad. Seven was obviously still shaken, and it looked like she had no frame of reference to express her emotions. It was clear that the Borg was not all right and that she had no idea how to make sense of what she was feeling.
Seven struggled lightly against the force pinning her down and B'Elanna let up her grip. It was apparent that Seven wanted up, and she wanted up NOW.
"Lt..."
"Hey, I thought we agreed on B'Elanna?" the Engineer interrupted with a soft, soothing voice, hoping that Seven would realize that she was offering her help, even if she was widely known as the ship's biggest gossip-monger.
Seven took a deep breath. "You have mentioned that you are here in an unofficial capacity. State your purpose," she said, her tone now clipped, her Borg instilled discipline the only thing keeping her from falling apart again.
"Well, actually I came around to invite you to join us on shore leave for one day," she said, surprised at how easy it was to be consciously polite to the young woman. She was still very curious about what could upset the, usually unaffected, level-headed Borg to such an extent and B'Elanna was determined to find out but she knew that she had to maneuver this very carefully. She had to be patient and get Seven to confide in her by first putting her at ease.
"I will not be taking shore leave, Lt... B'Elanna... I will be attending to my duties in Astrometrics, I have several Star Charts to draw up for the next Star System," she corrected.
"Oh, come on, Seven. We will be on shore leave for two weeks. You cannot tell me that you can't take one day off from your duties to join us," B'Elanna tried to convince her. She knew that if she could win this particular round, she may be a lot closer to get Seven to talk to her.
Seven stared at B'Elanna for long moments before she responded. "Very well, I will consider your request and inform you of my decision."
"All right, for now that's good enough for me," B'Elanna said with a small smile. "Well, that was all I wanted to know. Thanks Seven." She turned around, but made no attempt to exit. She turned her head back over her shoulder to look at Seven, and took a chance. "Seven, if you need to talk to someone or if you need any help, you know how to find me. Any time," she added then started for the door.
"B'Elanna?" Seven quietly called after her before she reached the doors.
B'Elanna stopped in her tracks and turned around slowly. "Yes?" she asked gently, encouraging Seven to talk to her.
"I am disturbed and I do not know how I can continue functioning. Can you help me with that? I do not believe that I will be able to regenerate when I am this disturbed," she offered quietly.
"I can't promise anything, Seven but I can at least try," she said softly. "Why don't you start by telling me what happened, then we can figure something out from there," she added as she started walking back towards Seven.
"I cannot tell you, it is too painful," Seven objected emotionally.
"Seven," she said quietly and she stopped her advance, not wanting to intrude on the young woman's personal space, "I cannot try to help you if I do not know what is going on."
Seven considered this information and after quick deliberation she concluded that B'Elanna was correct, and it was a possibly a logical course of action to enlist B'Elanna's help. B'Elanna was, after all, in a successful relationship and maybe she could help her make sense of her confusion.
She took a deep breath, then slowly recounted with careful detail her recent visit with the Captain, also telling her about the kiss they shared on the planet and the conversation they had two nights ago, pertaining to the Doctor's declaration of love, and the Captain's subsequent advice. During which, it became evident to B'Elanna that the Captain did indeed care for Seven, and from the emotion in Seven's voice and the occasional tear, she could see first hand that the young woman was deeply in love with the Captain.
B'Elanna was shocked and appalled at the Captain's reaction and her hurtful dismissal of the Borg, she remembered her conversation with Chakotay on this very subject three days ago and her own disbelief during it. Now she realized that Chakotay had been very perceptive and uncannily accurate in predicting the Captain's response. When Seven was finished B'Elanna tried with difficulty to close her gaping mouth.
She took a breath and squared her shoulders. "Right, now all we have to do is device a plan. A plan on how the get the Captain to realize that we will not hold it against her if she entered into a relationship with a crewmember. Uh... namely, you, and that she deserves to be happy. Somehow, we will also have to devise a way around the regulation that prohibits a Starship Captain to engage in personal relationships with a crewmember," B'Elanna recited out loud.
"That does seem to be the logical course of action, but how are we to do that? The Captain has prohibited me to ever speak to her of it again," Seven interjected some reality.
"Oh, Seven. Since when are you such a stickler for protocol. It most certainly wouldn't be the first time you disobeyed the Captain's orders," B'Elanna said with a wicked grin playing around her lips.
Seven's eyes brightened for a flickering moment. "You are correct," then the pain shadowed across them again, "how do you suggest we proceed?" she asked, once more uncertain.
"First of all, we will need to take a look at the Federation’s Regulations and Protocols Manual, to see if we cannot find a loophole that will allow the Captain to engage in a personal relationship with you. Then we need to find a way to subtly let the Captain know that her guilt for stranding us here is unjustified, that we have forgiven her and that she should forgive herself. That one won't be very easy, we'll need to get Chakotay's help on this one," she said, almost as if talking to herself.
"Commander Chakotay? Seven asked with mild alarm. "We cannot involve him, he would not approve," she added pointedly.
Seven looked at B'Elanna in bewilderment when she heard the Engineer chuckle.
"Lt?" Seven queried wide eyed.
"On the contrary, Seven. Chakotay will help us," she clarified.
"How can you be so certain?" Seven asked warily.
"Because three days ago, Chakotay came to me and implored my help. He had noticed the attraction between you and the Captain and wanted to play matchmaker," she explained.
"Matchmaker?" Seven looked confused.
"He wanted me to help him devise a plan to get you two together," she said flatly and then she clarified further by informing her of the conversation she had with Chakotay in the Mess Hall.
"I see," said the Borg, feeling a little more at peace at the current turn of events. Perhaps, she thought, with the help of Lt. Torres and Commander Chakotay, she could still hope to persuade the Captain. A glimmer of hope returned to her.
"Now then, with the correct information and ammunition assembled, the last thing we need to do is get you to see her, so that you can convince her, presenting her with the information we come up with. All we can help you with, is to hoard the information and ammunition against her resistance, but you will need to convince her on your own. You alone can get her to realize that 'Resistance is futile'," she added for good measure.
Seven's lips quirked at their corners she already seemed to be feeling somewhat better. "Indeed."
"Now, Seven, do you think you will be all right?"
"I believe I should be able to regenerate," she responded curtly
"I will need to get some sleep before we can start formulating our plan in the morning. Happy regenerating... see you in the morning, first thing," B'Elanna said smiling, preparing to leave.
"Lt....? B'Elanna?" Seven forestalled B'Elanna's departure.
B'Elanna looked back but remained quiet.
"Thank you," Seven said softly. B'Elanna only nodded then left Seven standing alone in the Cargo Bay.
It was just after 2300 hours when B'Elanna left Seven in the Cargo Bay. When she arrived back at her quarters she decided against entering, she knew that she would not be able to sleep, she had to inform Chakotay of the developments. No doubt he would want to know, even if it was late. Maybe he would know what to do.
Two hours later she returned to her own quarters where Tom was sleeping soundly. Satisfied with their progress she readied for bed. She had found out from Chakotay that there was no written regulation in the Starfleet Manual that prohibited a Captain from engaging in a personal relationship with a crewmember, thus making their task somewhat easier. Tom woke up when she got into bed next to him. "Hey, where have you been?" he asked groggily.
"With Seven in the Cargo Bay then I went to speak to Chakotay,"
This woke Tom completely. "Oh? Why?"
B'Elanna knew that she would now have to tell Tom before he would allow her to get any sleep. "Tom, do you think the Captain should deny herself love and happiness because she feels it would be a fitting punishment for stranding us here in the Delta Quadrant?" she started, maybe three heads would be better than two.
He sat up resting against the headboard. "No, but why do you ask?" he inquired a little confused.
"What if I told you that the Captain is in love, but she refuses to do anything about it?"
Tom's eyes widened in surprise at her words. "What?"
"Yup!"
"How do you know?" he asked skeptically eyeing her.
"Let's just say I have first hand knowledge," she said mysteriously.
Tom knew his wife and he could tell that she was up to something, and it wasn't necessarily something good. "Oh, no," he sighed dropping his head in his hands.
"What?" she asked a little sharply.
"Lanna, I don't know what you are planning but I don't think it's a good idea to meddle in the Captain's love life, or lack there off."
"Tom, listen to me. The Captain is in love with a crewmember who returns those feelings, but her commitment to duty, her sense of propriety and her guilt will not allow her to express those feelings. How can we just stand by and do nothing."
"It's not our place. The choice is hers to make."
"Is it? Is it just her choice when it involves someone else's feelings?" she asked with mild annoyance.
"Why is this so important to you?"
"Because I have come to care for Captain Janeway. She gave me a second chance and if I recall correctly she gave you one too," she said, "I just want her to be happy, and right now, I know she isn't. And anyway, what's so wrong with trying to help?"
He sighed and resigned to his fate, hoping that they would not get into too much trouble for putting their noses where they did not belong. "Fine, tell me what you know."
B'Elanna summarily briefed him on the plan. A plan that did not require Seven to disobey the Captain's orders about not speaking to her on this matter just yet. In turn Tom regarded her with ever growing astonishment, his mouth gaping when she had finished. They finally settled to bed around 0300.
Janeway woke with a pounding headache and the dull pain in her chest reminded her that the previous night's events were real. Once more tears stung at the back of her eyes but she stubbornly refused to give into them again as she struggled into a sitting position. Her body was stiff and her arms still sore from hauling Seven's body out of the water the day before. She approached her replicator and requested her vice in a hoarse, weary voice. "Coffee, black," The replicator chirped as it delivered the coffee. She took a sip and considered her predicament. This was certainly not the way she wanted to start her first day of shore leave, in fact, she thought, perhaps she should change her rotation to the following week and remain aboard the ship. Hopefully by then she would be ready to face her crew in such an informal setting.
She tapped her comm badge and hailed Chakotay, requesting that he meet her in her quarters as soon as he could. She had barely washed up and dressed after recycling the uniform she had never taken off the night before, when her door chime sounded announcing Chakotay's arrival.
"Enter."
Chakotay entered and halted as he took in her disheveled appearance, despite her effort at concealing it. "Rough night?" he asked with concern.
She smiled wryly. "Is it that obvious?"
"Only to me," he tried to lighten the mood.
She chuckled lightly. "You are a good First Officer Chakotay but a lousy liar."
"Mmmh, seems that I have been found out," he grinned.
"It seems so!" She paused then turned serious. "I have decided to change to the Beta shore leave rotation."
"Oh?"
"Will that interfere with the schedule already set up?" she asked, suddenly uncertain.
"Uh ... no, I don't think so, but I thought you wanted to be planetside to supervise the mining of the Galacite?"
"Something came up!" she said suddenly feeling detached. Not caring in the least who Chakotay got to fill in for her.
"Would it be inappropriate for me to ask what?"
"Yes it would," she said sternly.
"I see. Would it have anything to do with your rough night?" he pushed the boundaries of their relationship.
"I thought I made it clear that I did not want to discuss it Chakotay," she snapped.
"Kathryn," he said softly, "I am your friend too, not only your First Officer, something is bothering you, that much is evident," he paused for effect, "maybe I can help but only if you'll let me."
She sighed, maybe Chakotay was right, perhaps talking with someone would ease her burden. She hanged her head as she made up her mind. "Oh, Chakotay," she said her voice husky and raw with emotion. He stepped forward when he witnessed the defeat in her posture but he did not touch her.
When he made no attempt to speak, she looked up at him imploringly as the tears welled up in her eyes, but she did not know where to start and she lowered her head again as she fought valiantly against the tears.
"It's Seven, isn't it?" he asked gentling his tone.
Her head snapped back. "What makes you say that?" she asked harshly glaring daggers at him, wiping angrily at her eyes.
"She is the only one on this ship capable of upsetting you to this extent."
"Is that a fact?" she asked sarcastically.
"Kathryn, you share a unique bond with her, one that runs deeper than the average bond you share with any other member of your crew. To be quite honest, I know you care very deeply for her, not just on a professional-, but also on a personal level,." he clarified then softened his voice. "What has she done this time?" he asked pretending that he did not already know.
"She didn't do anything I did not want her to do?" she offered weakly, ignoring his 'astute' statement about her feelings for her Astrometrics Officer.
"And what was that?"
"She kissed me."
"And?"
She looked up suddenly weary. "And I kissed her back then..." her voice cracked, "I pushed her away."
He did not respond but just looked at her, waiting for her to continue.
Janeway took a breath before she continued. "She told me that she is in love with me," she said, smiling wryly and inspected her hands.
"Are you in love with her?" he asked placidly.
She didn't answer, only turned away from him and strode over to the viewport.
"Ah, I see," he said and started towards her. "And the problem is... what... exactly," he asked, aware that he was pushing things.
Janeway stared out the viewport at the planet Voyager was orbiting. "She is a member of my crew," she said softly.
"So?" he asked knowing what her reasoning would be.
"So... as Captain I am prohibited from having a personal relationship with a crewmember. You know this Chakotay."
He cleared his throat. "Actually I don't. As I recall, Kathryn there is no written regulation or protocol anywhere in the Starfleet Manual that forbids a Captain to engage in a personal relationship with a crewmember. What I do know however, is that there is a verbal understanding between Starfleet Brass and Starship Captains that it is inappropriate because they have had one or two incidents before, where things got a little out of hand."
She turned to look at him with her hands placed in her hips. "What are you trying to say?"
"That it is not recommended but that it is not entirely unheard of," he said firmly. "Kathryn, you just admitted, in not so many words, that you are in love with her..." he waited for her affirmation.
"That's right!" she sighed, admitting it out loud for the first time.
"And you said that Seven told you that she is in love with you," he paused.
"Get to the point Commander!" she said firmly.
"My point is, that it is not everyday you fall in love with someone who returns your feelings and when it happens you should grab it with both hands. You may not get another chance. There's also the small technicality that Seven isn't really a member of your crew."
"Seven is just as much a member of this crew as you or anyone else," she defended.
"I do not deny that, Kathryn, but she has no official rank in the chain of command. Which means there is nothing forbidding you to have a relationship with her," he tried. Janeway was being particularly obtuse.
"Even so, Chakotay, I stranded the crew here, thousands of lightyears away from their homes, their lives and their loved ones. I stole their happiness from them when I decided to destroy the Caretaker's array." she said. "No, I cannot do it." she stated firmly.
"Kathryn, we have been through this on more than one occasion. Someday you are going to have to forgive yourself for that mistake, it might as well be today. You have proven, as Captain that you will not rest until you have gotten this crew home safely, besides that, this crew has proven several times over that they will never abandon you, why should you abandon yourself. You are punishing yourself needlessly, this crew would not deny you your happiness, why do you deny yourself. You know what I think, I think you are afraid of getting hurt again and you are conveniently hiding behind your guilt to protect yourself. Kathryn, Seven is not Mark,"
"All right, enough, you've made your point. Your concern has been noted and I will take it into consideration," she said her voice brooking no argument. "You have your orders, put me on the Beta rotation for shore leave."
"Aye, Captain," he said realizing that this conversation was over.
"Dismissed," she said, her command mask firmly back in place.
Chakotay turned to leave but stopped short of the doors. He turned back to look her squarely in the eye, knowing he was impossibly close to insubordination. "Think about what I said, Kathryn. You deserve to be happy."
She leveled a force ten glare at him and crossed her arms as she waited for him to leave. He said nothing else and exited her quarters.
In the following week Janeway considered Chakotay's argument from all angles, she even consulted the Starfleet Protocols Manual herself and confirmed Chakotay's claims. She realized that there was nothing that truly prevented her from dating Seven besides her guilt, no her fear, but no matter what she did, it wouldn’t let her alone. There were too many what if's drifting around. No, she had to stick to her decision, and that was final.
Every passing day of that first week got progressively worse, both for Janeway and the rest of the crewmembers unlucky enough to be on the rotating skeleton crew that had to remain on board to maintain the ship's systems. Chakotay kept a strict eye on her, even Tuvok noticed the increasing aggression and restlessness in his Captain and more importantly so did she. Chakotay could see the raging battle she was waging with herself, getting a little worse everyday. There was bound to be a resolution soon, he just hoped it would be soon enough.
Seven on the other hand had taken one day from her work in Astrometrics, to join B'Elanna, Tom and Harry on shore leave. Seven and B'Elanna formed a bond during that day, both being able to see past their prejudice after that night in the Cargo Bay and they became instant friends. Seven had even agreed to their invitation to spend another couple of days with them when she was not on duty.
Chakotay had informed both B'Elanna and Seven of his conversation with the Captain and advised that they should give her a few days to think about everything he had said, before they make another attempt to approach her. He had moved the Captain to the Beta shore leave rotation like she requested, but without her authorization he also changed Seven to the Beta rotation, hoping that the Captain would defeat her demons in time so that they could spend some of their shore leave together away from Voyager and their responsibilities if they chose to.
On the fifth day Janeway went to Sickbay to ask the Doctor for medication to help her with her volatile temper and sleepless nights. He was busy running the scan over the Captain when Seven entered Sickbay to deliver the EMH diagnostics report. The Captain and Seven just stared at each other for long moments but they did not speak. The air in Sickbay grew thick with tension the longer they stared at each other, neither giving an inch. Seven finally broke the contact and curtly acknowledged the Doctor but not the Captain, ignoring her completely. She informed him of the diagnostics report, placed the padd onto the nearest console and left without another word.
The Doctor looked down at the readings, finding that the Captain had an elevated pulse, respiration and an increased heart-rate during the time Seven had been in Sickbay, he stepped around and stole a glance at the Captain's eyes. Her pupils were dilated and he had noticed before Seven left that hers too were dilated. He realized why Seven had asked him how someone could tell if they were in love. She was in love... with the Captain, and from the evidence recorded in his tricorder it seemed the Captain was attracted to Seven as well. He had heard about Seven's breakdown in the Cargo Bay from Harry, but he brushed it off, thinking that the Ensign had a wild imagination. Now he was not so sure anymore.
"Mmmh," he said smugly.
Janeway turned to look at him inquiringly. "Mmmh, what Doctor?" she asked impatiently. She did not see the need for this examination, she knew what was wrong with her, she only came here for some medication.
"Curious."
"What's curious? Is there something wrong Doctor?" she asked flatly.
"I detected an elevation in your pulse and respiration, an increase in your heart-rate and dilated pupils while Seven was in Sickbay. Last week Seven asked me how one could tell when one is in love. And just now the air in Sickbay was so thick you could cut it with a scalpel. Am I detecting an attraction here, Captain?" he blabbered. Janeway's face turned an increasing shade of white and her anger rose rapidly, like mercury in an old earth thermometer on an increasingly hot day.
This was beginning to irritate her, did everyone on the ship know she was attracted to Seven. And why the hell were they so pushy about it. "Doctor, I came here for medication, not advice on my personal life," she barked out angrily.
"It was merely an observation, Captain," he said unaffected by her anger.
"I would appreciate it if you wouldn't comment on those observations, Doctor. It's none of your business." The mounting anger became increasingly evident in her tone as she spoke pushing herself off the biobed. "The medication I asked for, Doctor." she said holding out her hand.
"Captain, if I may?" the Doctor asked.
"What is it, Doctor?" she asked gruffly, indicating that this was not a particular topic she wished to discuss.
"I sensed some antagonism between you and Seven. Has anything happened that caused this antagonism?"
"Like I said, it's none of your business."
"With all due respect Captain, if this is the source of your aggravation, and you came to me for treatment of it, it is my place to make it my business. Evidently there is some air that needs to be cleared between you and Seven. Pharmacological medication will be of little use if there is an emotional cause."
"Noted! I will do without the medication then," she said and abruptly left Sickbay.
Kathryn Janeway was becoming increasingly furious as she walked through Voyager's corridors on her way to her quarters, why the hell was everyone lecturing her. She had made the right decision, hadn’t she? She rounded a corner and crashed into a crewmember, sending them both falling hard onto the deck. Chakotay looked on as she stood up and dusted her uniform, fuming. "In future crewman, watch where you're going!" she bit out vehemently.
The poor, unsuspecting crewman fumbled to her feet. "Uh... yes... uhm ... my apologies, Captain." she stuttered completely flustered at the reprimand and made a hasty escape.
Chakotay frowned and made his decision. Enough was enough. Someone had to shake her by the shoulders and that someone might as well be him. He walked over to where she was still staring after the, in her opinion, insolent crewman with stormy eyes. Someone had to intervene before things got worse than they already were.
"Captain?" he announced his presence.
"Commander, there something I can do for you?" she asked anger flaring.
"I'd like a word with you, Captain."
"Fine, I am on my way to my quarters," she said and started walking, when he did not follow immediately she looked over her shoulder impatiently. "Coming?"
He nodded and followed her quietly.
Once they entered her quarters, she headed directly for the replicator. "Coffee, black. Anything for you, Commander?"
"No thank you, Captain," he declined her offer.
"What is it I can do for you, Commander?" she got down to business standing with her coffee in one hand the other rested on her hip, perching against her desk.
"Captain, it is apparent that you are having difficulty..."
"Difficulty? I am not having difficulty with anything, Commander," she denied vehemently.
He tried a different approach. "Kathryn, there have been reports from crewmembers that you are increasingly irritable and aggravated, that you are rude to crewmembers," he said quietly.
"That's absurd," she whispered hoarsely. "I am fine, granted, I may be a little testy, but that is only because I have had a few sleepless nights," she defended.
"And we both know why you are having those sleepless nights, Kathryn. We both also know how you can fix this," he said, having difficulty to control his emerging temper.
"We both know that is impossible."
"Impossible? Now there's a word I never would have thought would cross the lips of the indestructible Captain Kathryn Janeway. Even according to Seven of Nine impossible is a word humans use far too often, isn't that what she told you," he said loudly for effect.
"You cannot tell me what to do, Chakotay," she said angrily.
"I know I can't, I can only hope that you listen to me of your own accord," he said softly. "Kathryn, this is going to drive you stir crazy. It has only been five days and you have gotten progressively worse. How do you think you are going to feel after shore leave when you have to see her everyday while executing your duties?" he paused for breath. "You may think it will get better but I can assure you it’s not going to, especially now that you know she feels something for you too. There will be a growing tension between the two of you. Stop being afraid, Kathryn! Take a chance on life."
Her shoulders slumped, she was aware that her behavior had gotten worse in alarming increments the last five days. Chakotay was right. It had been difficult enough to maintain her professionalism when she discovered that she was attracted to Seven and she thought that Seven could not possibly return her feelings. But now, knowing that Seven reciprocated those feelings, she didn't think she could be strong enough to resist her, not for the rest of the journey home, it would drive her stir-crazy. "What should I do?" she asked partially admitting defeat.
"Go to her, tell her how you feel. Give it a chance to develop, see where it leads," he said with some relief.
"And if it doesn't lead anywhere?"
"Then at least you will have tried! You will know that you gave yourself a decent shot at happiness and it didn't work out, instead of just giving up like you have now."
"There are some things you haven't considered, Chakotay," her defiance reared its head one final time.
"What is that?" he asked apprehensively, hoping that he could present a viable solution to each of these next problems, otherwise his previous breakthrough may have been in vain.
"How a personal relationship between us would affect our working relationship. How it would affect my command ability? How would her behavior change if she was dating the Captain, would she take more liberties?"
"To answer your first question, you would no doubt have to set up some parameters that would be acceptable to both of you. Seven is very loyal to you and I doubt that she would enter into a personal relationship with you only to disregard what you ask of her. She is head over heels in love with you Kathryn, she would do everything in her power to please you, hell, she already does," he smiled at his last comment, so did Janeway.
"How do you know that she is head over heels in love with me?" curiosity got the best of her.
"Well, B'Elanna was in the Cargo Bay waiting for Seven the night you sent her away. According to her, Seven had a complete breakdown, she entered the Cargo Bay, sealed the doors and sat crying against a bulkhead. It took B'Elanna two hours to calm her enough so she could stop crying, and all the while Seven clung to her like a baby, afraid that if she loosened her grip, B'Elanna would run away. She was concerned and she came to tell me about it the next day."
"B'Elanna? Soothing Seven? What's wrong with this picture? B'Elanna cannot stand Seven," she said more to herself, but she nonetheless got the answer.
"It seems, B'Elanna has resolved her issues with Seven. They have spent a whole day together on shore leave yesterday, playing volleyball, swimming and singing around a campfire. They seem to have become fast friends. I think the incident in the Cargo Bay made B'Elanna re-evaluate her feelings toward Seven," he explained, purposefully omitting their matchmaking part in the whole situation.
"Really, I'd never thought I'd see the day. I can't believe I missed it." she said regretfully.
"Well, you will still see it in the future, I don't think they are going to go back to their antagonistic relationship anytime soon. Not after B'Elanna has spent half the day teaching Seven Klingon curses," he laughed.
Janeway groaned, covering her eyes with her hand, this was bad. She did not need her two most volatile crewmembers to band together, it would only serve to create havoc. She suddenly turned serious again. "How about solving the rest of my concerns?"
"Aah, your command ability. Are you afraid that some may accuse you of favoritism? That you would have difficulty sending her on away missions or into dangerous situations?" he asked.
"Yes, among other things," she said.
"Kathryn, you are an exceptional Captain. We both know it ..."
"Do we?" she interrupted with mild sarcasm.
He ignored her question and continued. "We both know that your first concern has been and will always be Voyager and your crew. I doubt that a personal relationship will affect your command in a negative way. In fact a personal relationship may even help you command your ship and crew better."
"Really, how so? How did you arrive at that theory?" she asked slightly amused.
"Because you will have someone to share the burden of command with, someone you can talk to, someone who loves you unconditionally and will support you no matter what. Your crew will realize that you are human as well with the need for love, and they will respect you more for it," he wondered if he should have added that last part, but it was too late to take it back now. "As for the last question, that is irrelevant, Seven is a capable, resourceful and extraordinary woman, she would not need to hide behind her Captain, nor would she need to date the Captain to take liberties. She would do that anyway if she wanted, whether she was dating the Captain or not. Seven would do nothing that would displease you," he finished.
"Somehow I think you got the advantage over me, Chakotay, I don't know when, but I will find out someday," she said humorlessly.
He grinned from ear to ear. "When you do, inform me, so I can tell you my side of the story. There, all your concerns have been addressed. Now, will you go to her and tell her how you feel?" he asked hopefully.
"No, I have to think this through first, objectively, before I can make any decision on this," she said seriously. She had to admit though, she already felt a little better, even a little hopeful and exited at the prospect. In theory it all sounded good, but she still had to think if it could be practically applied without too many repercussions.
"If or rather, when you decide to let yourself be happy, Seven will be on the surface, with B'Elanna, Tom and Harry, should you look for her," he said confidently and then paused for a moment, "they are having a BBQ on the beach after their volleyball tournament. Seven and B'Elanna are playing Harry and Tom in the final. I personally think that there was some match-fixing for a crowd attracting final. Would you mind joining me as a spectator, no matter what you decide," he added playfully, knowing that he had the fight halfway won, but the rest was solely in the hands of the Captain.
She laughed. "It sounds like an interesting match, fixed or not. I will join you, but now I need some time for myself."
"Aye, Captain" he said and left her to her thoughts.
An hour later Janeway stood in front of Tuvok's quarters, the faint flame of hope already starting to burn inside her. Now all she needed was a second opinion, a fresh, logical perspective and other than Seven, Tuvok was the only person to provide this perspective. She hoped that he could give her the final stamp of approval she wanted. No, needed. Without it, she might as well resign her Captaincy and isolate herself to quarters.
There, she thought, was another option. Should she resign her Captaincy and pursue a relationship with Seven, if she did not get the final stamp of approval. Could she do that for Seven, when she could not do it for Mark, whom she was engaged to marry. Especially when she had no idea where a relationship between them would lead or if it could even work.
"No, Tuvok is the only one who can save you now," she said to herself. Luckily the corridor was empty. All she needed now was for a crewmember to hear her and spread the rumor that their Captain was indeed crazy.
She drew on all the courage she possessed and rang the chime to Tuvok's quarters. She knew he was there, because the computer confirmed his location at her recent request.
Tuvok looked up at the door, from his meditative pose. "Enter. Computer, lights up," he said as the door opened and let in his visitor. "Captain?"
"Hello Tuvok," she said a little nervously.
"This is certainly unexpected Captain, what can I do for you?" he opened the floor.
"I need some advice, old friend," she made it clear that she was calling on his services as her personal friend. Her history with Tuvok went back nearly 12 years and she trusted him completely. He knew her better than anyone on this ship, and quite frankly, she thought, he probably knew her better than anyone... period.
"Indeed. Please have a seat," he invited without inflection. "How can I be of assistance?"
"I need a logical perspective to help me resolve a situation," she started.
"Indeed, what situation is that Captain? Does this have any relation to your increasingly irritable behavior over the past 5 days?" he asked tonelessly with a raised eyebrow.
"You noticed it too, huh?" she mocked, he would, of course have been one of the first to notice.
"I have indeed," he responded, his eyebrow still raised, Kathryn was aware that he was being facetitious, if Vulcans could ever be accused of that.
"Yes it does," she merely answered his prior question. "Tuvok, what would you advise your Captain to do if she told you that she was in love?" she asked carefully.
"I would advise her not to ask for a Vulcan's advice in matters of the human heart, but since she asked for a logical perspective, I would advise her to follow her heart, as illogical as the advice may sound coming from me," he said seriously.
"And what about regulations and protocols recommending that Captains should not engage in personal relationships with crewmembers?"
"I would advise that she adheres to the recommended regulations and protocols as far as possible," he watched as her shoulders slumped, but he was only trying to set her properly at ease by taking her through the process logically, step-by-step. "Perhaps it would be wise to tell me the identity of the crewmember," he prodded.
"You mean you don't know?" she asked disbelievingly.
"I do not participate in idle speculation, Captain, you are aware of this."
"Yes, I am," she sighed, smiling slightly. "It is Seven, Tuvok... and I want to know whether you think I should pursue this relationship or not," she said very softly.
"I see," he said evenly. "Captain, you should know better than I that love is believed to be the strongest of all emotions and the heart would not let itself be prescribed, to whether it may or may not love. Regardless of what any regulations or protocols may say. When the heart loves, nothing can prevent it from doing so."
"Explain, Tuvok?" she asked for clarification because she was having difficulty deciphering his mysterious statement.
"To pursue this relationship or not Captain, is not the question to be answered. The fact is, you ARE in love with Seven and it will affect your command ability and your impartialness to some degree. So logically the question to be answered is: Which of the two options will affect your command ability less positively. To pursue the relationship, or not to pursue the relationship? Which is the lesser of the two evils? And judging from your behavior over the last five days, not pursuing this relationship has already affected you in a profoundly negative way. I would even venture to say that in the long run it would be detrimental, not only to your command ability, your clarity of judgment and your emotional well-being, but also to the general welfare of your ship and crew. In my logical opinion, the lesser of the two evils is to pursue this relationship. It would benefit both yourself, Seven and the rest of your crew eventually." He saw the Captain smile slightly at this. "Furthermore, your concerns about the regulations and protocols are easily put to rest by two simple technicalities, there is no written regulation that prohibits a Captain from engaging in a personal relationship with a crewmember, nor can Seven be regarded by Starfleet as an integrated member of your crew since she carries no official rank and since she has never received a commission from Starfleet." he concluded.
"Thank you, Tuvok." she said smiling brightly.
"It is a pleasure, Captain, however I would suggest, that should you, in future require a logical recourse, you do not wait five days again and in the process put your crew at risk," he said calmly.
"Risk, Tuvok?" she asked innocently, knowing that he was referring to her temper.
"Aye, Captain. Putting your crew at risk of being incinerated by your volatile temper," he said, raising his eyebrow high on his forehead to emphasize his statement.
Kathryn laughed freely for the first time in six days, joy steadily building up in her heart. She knew what to do now, she could relax, breathe and allow herself to love and be loved. But even so, she could not help but wonder what the rest of the crew's reactions would be and finally deciding that she would deal with it when she got there. With some help of course, since she had so many people willing to meddle in her personal life. She had always been good at employing her resources to maximum efficiency and this was going to be no different.
She wondered what Seven's reaction would be when she told her. She hoped that her behavior had not scared the young woman away completely, despite Chakotay's assurances to the contrary, she could still not help feeling a little apprehensive and nervous. Seven could still dismiss her entirely out of fear of being hurt by her again nonetheless she found that she was holding out for a positive outcome.
"Thank you again, old friend. Now I believe I have to attend a volleyball final, and then speak to a certain member of my crew," she said as she walked lightly to his door.
He nodded before she turned around and exited his quarters with a light heart.
At 1400 hours Chakotay was met by a smiling Janeway outside the Transporter room doors. She walked towards him confidently with a slight spring in her step. "Ready?" he asked.
"As I'll ever be," she answered nervously, poking him in the ribs. "You know, if I didn't know any better, I would swear that I was caught in the middle of a conspiracy."
He grinned widely. "Then I suppose I should be grateful that you do not know any better."
"I knew it, I knew there was something going on when everybody started interfering in my personal life," she said astonished.
"Lucky for you, I'd say," he teased.
"I would have to agree, but I still have some persuading to do. The victory is not yet secured," she said, sounding a little uncertain.
"I think you will find that you have nothing to worry about, Kathryn."
"You still sound pretty sure about this, do you know something I don't," she asked lightly
"I will be taking the fifth on that, if you do not mind."
She eyed him cautiously. "Ah, I see."
"We are going to be late for the opening serve, can we go now?" he said in sudden mock seriousness.
They walked into the Transporter room and stepped onto the dais together. When they were both ready she looked towards the Ensign at the Transporter controls "Energize."
They materialized a few hundred meters from the designated volleyball court, and quickened their pace as it was evident that the match was about to start. Neelix, who was umpiring the match saw them approaching and subtly forestalled the start by 'accidentally' dropping his scoring pad. Slowly climbing down and apologizing for his clumsiness.
Neelix was aware of the 'matchmaking-attempt' as was the rest of the crew, since the news spread like wild fire when B'Elanna had told Tom, and Tom told Harry, Harry in turn told the Doc and Neelix, and as was custom on Voyager, everyone played their little part and jumped in to help with making the match of the century however they could. The crowd suddenly quieted to a hush, and when they saw Chakotay smile widely, accompanied by a smiling Captain at his side, a unilateral sense of relief washed over the crowd. They all knew that the mission had been successful, that is, everyone except the one person who really needed to know.
Chakotay and Kathryn took up their seats in the VIP section, to watch the beginning of the match. Janeway drank in the sight of Seven with the thirst of a stranded traveler in a desert. She was barefoot, dressed in blue short that ended just above her knees, partially exposing her perfectly shaped legs and a white Academy T-shirt. Her hair was tied back in a conventional ponytail and a few stubborn strands of hair were tied against her head with a bandana, she looked more relaxed than Janeway had ever seen her, except for the dark shadow in her eyes.
Seven, for her part, was completely oblivious to the real reason for the hush in the crowd, and then the growing excitement and anticipation around the court. She may have thought that all their excitement stemmed from the anticipation of the match.
B'Elanna, who sported the exact same attire, right up to the bandana as Seven, obviously representing their team colors, walked up to her smiling and patted her loudly on the back. "Ready?" she asked. She did not tell her what she knew, fearing that it would ruin the Borg's concentration, and she sure as Grethor wanted to win this match. Not only to prove that she was not completely incapacitated in her pregnant state, but also for Seven's sake, to help her seal a victory of magnificent proportions, the victory of the volleyball tournament and the victory of love, all on one glorious day. She wanted Seven to have only the best memories of this day, to carry with her for the rest of her life.
"Ready," Seven said seriously.
Ritually, they slapped their hands together looking each other squarely in the eyes, then both yelled "Let's do this!" just as B'Elanna had taught Seven. They strode away from each other, each taking in her respective position. The Captain watched the newfound camaraderie between Seven and B'Elanna with interest and no little awe. Seven had loosened up considerably under the all too willing tutelage, Janeway figured, of B'Elanna.
Forty-seven minutes later the crowd erupted in unison when the last point and the match, was won by Seven and B'Elanna. B'Elanna leapt into the air once, then she stormed towards Seven excitedly, flinging her pregnant body into the lanky young woman and wildly slung her arms around Seven's neck, yelling "Yay, we did it Seven. Yes, we really did it! Yeehaw!"
The Captain stood upright clapping loudly as she watched in astonishment, tears of immense pride welled up in her eyes, blurring her vision. She laughed out loud when she realized that Seven apparently expected this behavior from the Engineer and braced herself for the impact. When B'Elanna's arms locked around Seven's neck, the Borg enfolded her arms tightly around B'Elanna's waist using the momentum to twist them and swing B'Elanna round and round in celebration of their victory. All the while B'Elanna was still yelling, Seven's eyes glowed with pleasure and she was smiling freely and Janeway knew that she had never seen Seven this spontaneously happy. She found herself hoping that she herself could, one day, be the cause of such unadulterated joy to Seven.
"Game, set... and MATCH, to Seven and B'Elanna!" Neelix yelled excitedly from his umpire chair and Janeway wondered at the emphasis on the word match, but she did not ask. She wasn't sure she really wanted to know.
A while later, several fires proudly burned all over the beach, crewmembers hoarding around them, chattering and laughing. The match, having boasted a few very memorable moments and exceptional shots, no doubt would be an ongoing topic of conversation on Voyager for a while, Janeway thought to herself as she looked around her. She spotted her senior staff huddled around two people, excitedly talking, intermittent congratulatory pats raining down on their shoulders. Though it was dark, she could tell that it was the victorious pair being surrounded by their well-wishers, only when she got closer could she identify them visually, recognizing them from their silhouettes in the dark. She approached the group slowly, uncertain if her intrusion would be welcome.
Seven saw the dark figure approaching slowly and recognized it immediately. She would recognize the contours and outlines of that body anywhere, it has been burned into her eidetic memory a long time ago. She stiffened a little next to B'Elanna who turned to see what had caused this reaction in the young woman, then she too saw the dark figure of the Captain approaching.
"Seven?" she asked softly, concern lacing her words.
Seven looked at her sadly then spoke softly. "I must go, please excuse me." She got up abruptly and headed quickly towards the transport co-ordinates.
"Seven?" B'Elanna called after her, more for the Captain's benefit than to get her to come back, hopefully saving the Captain the trip to the group and to prevent her from being unnecessarily trapped in conversation by her crew. It was not necessary though, because the Captain had not taken her eyes of Seven's silhouette from the moment she identified it, she saw when the younger woman got up to leave and altered her course immediately. Intercepting her just as she reached up to her comm badge to request a beam-out.
"Seven," Janeway said softly causing Seven's hand to freeze mid-motion.
"Captain," Seven managed stiffly. Reaching for her comm badge once more.
"Can we talk?" Janeway's voice sounded soft and uncertain.
The uncertainty in the Captain's voice made Seven hesitate, and she only nodded in reply.
Janeway looked around her, she had not been on the surface since Seven fell from the cliff and she did not know where they could go to talk with a little more privacy. A dark object caught her eye and she motioned to it, identifying it as a fallen tree stump as she neared it. Seven followed her uncertainly. Janeway sat down on the log and patted it next to her, inviting Seven to take up the indicated spot. Seven lowered herself very slowly, sitting with her back straight and her hands folded neatly in her lap, neither spoke for long moments.
Janeway finally broke the silence. "Seven, we need to talk about what you said the other night."
Seven's back stiffened slightly, but enough for Janeway to notice and it made her cringe. This was clearly a very sensitive issue for the young woman she realized with shock.
"You had indicated that you do not wish to speak of it again," Seven said coldly.
The icy coldness in Seven's voice cut into Janeway. "I did say that didn't I?" she countered.
"Yes," Seven replied evenly not giving an inch. The Captain realized she was going to have to work harder for her redemption than Chakotay implied.
"That was then, Seven," she tried softly.
"And something has changed for you between then and now?" Seven asked disbelievingly.
"Yes," was the soft but sure reply.
"I am listening," Seven indicated her willingness to hear the Captain out.
"Let's just say I have thought about it all and I have made some startling discoveries along the way," she began uncertain of what exactly she had to say.
"Which is?" the Borg asked curtly.
"That you cannot choose who you love, you can only choose to permit or deny it," she said, certainty returning slowly to her voice, "but no matter which you choose, the love will not go away just because there are societal restrictions forbidding you to explore it.
"You chose to deny it," Seven accused sadly.
"I did, but I did it because I was afraid," Janeway admitted with difficulty.
"What were you afraid of Captain?" Seven asked with disbelief, looking skeptically at her.
"I was afraid of many things, Seven," she offered slowly, her voice soft and husky.
"Such as?" Seven prodded, she was curious to know what exactly Kathryn Janeway was afraid of.
"I was afraid that I would lose the respect of my crew and my superiors if I went against regulations..."
"No such regulations are stipulated in the Starfleet Manual," Seven said harshly, interrupting the Captain.
"I know that, Seven, but it is not recommended either..." she began again.
"As for your crew, they would love and respect you no matter what," Seven interrupted again.
Janeway smiled sadly at this. "I don't know about that," she said shyly, "but even so, Seven, respect is a funny thing, you have to work extremely hard to gain it but you can lose it in an instant, if you do not live up to others' expectations," she tried to explain.
"That will never happen," Seven defended vehemently making Janeway smile widely.
"You cannot be sure of that Seven, and neither can I. Now let me finish," she pressed.
"Proceed," she responded with no inflection.
"As I said I was afraid of losing the respect of my crew and superiors, but I believe I was mostly afraid of getting hurt. My fear caused me to push you away and in an effort to protect myself, I..."
"I would never hurt you," the Borg interrupted very softly with an impossibly small voice.
Tears sprang into the Captain's eyes at the sincere honesty in Seven's voice and statement and she realized just how much she must have hurt her with her words and her reaction the night she pushed her away. A lump uncomfortably lodged in her throat making her breath catch at the obstacle when she responded "Oh, Seven ... I am so sorry," she faltered and took a breath to regain her composure.
Seven looked at her with a quizzical expression.
The Captain got up from the log and stood in front of Seven. "I am sorry I hurt you," she clarified with a soft voice when she could speak past the lump, lowering to her hunches, "but if you'll let me, I will do everything in my power to fix this," she continued softly.
Kathryn Janeway was not one for begging, but she would do it now if it was required of her, because she somehow knew, in that instant, that this was the most important moment of her life and she would do anything to get a second chance to do things right.
"How?" Seven asked quietly, looking down a little disturbed, at the Captain almost kneeling in front of her.
She took Seven's hands softly in her own. "By giving me a second chance to let me try and rectify my mistake of six nights ago. All I ask is that you allow me another chance to do right by you and by me... by us," she corrected sounding desperate to her own ears, but she did not care. "Do you still believe that you are in love with me?" she asked suddenly afraid again.
Seven stared down at her for long moments without speaking, eventually she just nodded. A smile spread slowly over the Captain's face and she slowly reached up to cup Seven's face in her hands. She carefully guided Seven's head down and softly covered Seven's full lips with her own. Kissing her gently, hesitantly. When she found no resistance from the younger woman she slowly increased the pressure of her lips and sliding her tongue softly over Seven's lips requesting entry. Seven's lips yielded immediately, granting the Captain access. Janeway slipped her tongue into the inviting warmth of Seven's mouth, tasting the sweetness of the, previously considered, forbidden fruit. She deepened the kiss with insistent lips, pouring all her emotion into it and her heart started pounding in her chest when Seven responded in kind, sliding her hands very gently around Kathryn's body pulling her closer.
Passion, a slow and steadily growing flame, started to burn in her body and her fingers started tingling. She consciously slowed the kiss, knowing that if she did not, the passion would burn away her good intentions with destructive force and she wanted to do things right. That meant it had to be done slowly, steadily. Eventually she ended the kiss, placing a last soft kiss in the corner of Seven's mouth then rested Seven's forehead against hers.
"Are you sure you believe that you are still in love with me?" she asked uncertainly in a soft husky voice and her eyes closed.
"Yes," Seven answered, her voice a trembling, hoarse whisper, her own eyes shut tightly, trying to prevent the tears in them from falling. She did not understand why she was crying when she was so happy her chest felt like it would burst from the welling pressure, her lips involuntarily curling into a soft contended smile.
"Good," she opened her eyes to look intently at Seven, to see how she reacted to her next words. She saw the tightly shut eyes and the soft smile curled around the full lips, "because I believe that I am in love with you too, and I want to pursue a personal relationship... with you," Janeway whispered in whiskey warm, husky tones. Her own mouth slowly curled into a glorious, gorgeous megawatt smile as Seven's eyes opened slowly, to reveal a glowing joy amidst the tears falling from them. There was no hint of the earlier shadow she saw there and she knew that they were tears of joy. Her chest grew painful, heavily laden with emotion, knowing that she was responsible for the unspeakable joy in those eyes and she knew, beyond doubt, that the future was something she could look forward to with anticipation, that everything was going to be all right from here on out. She knew she had made the right decision. The only decision.
Epilogue
Kathryn stood leaning against the doorframe to her room, at first peering out the large window overlooking the Golden Gate Bridge, a sense of peace evident in her posture.
Four months after the shore leave where B'Elanna and Seven had won the Beach Volleyball tournament, and she made amends with Seven, they had found a way home. Admiral Janeway, her future self had come back from the future, to show them a way home and at the same time to avert disaster. Seven's death.
It would have been in this very year that, according to the Admiral, Seven would have died in the Delta Quadrant, and truth be told it bothered her just a little more than usual tonight but not enough to spoil the day.
Because today was their 1st wedding anniversary. Exactly 3 years, to the day she had finally decided to let Seven into her heart, on that beautiful planet, during what was now commonly known as their very last shore leave in the Delta Quadrant.
She had known then that she made the right decision about the relationship, but now, as she looked from the window onto Seven's slumbering form in their bed, she knew that she had never been happier in her entire life. She loved Seven more than anything in this world, and she knew without a doubt that Seven loved her just as much, possibly more. She was truly lucky indeed.
Kathryn sighed happily and pushed away from the doorframe as she remembered their wedding day and how beautiful Seven had looked in her white flowing dress and how nervous she herself had been. She reached the bed and drew back the sheets, getting in and nestling close to her wife's warm body. Finally ready to go to sleep after a day of reflection and love.
She kissed Seven's hair gently thinking that she wouldn't change a thing in her life. Nope, not a single thing. She was truly happy and she had NO regrets.