Breathtaking.
 
 

As I walk trough the corridors, I can't help but think about her. Every time since I have saved her, well saved her... she continues to be in my thoughts.

In the beginning I thought it was just normal. After all, in a way I am her teacher, her mentor.

But now I doubt it. I catch myself thinking about HER. Not only the arguments we've had, the long discussions, but about her being with me. How her lips would feel on mine. I believe I am attracted to her.

I know I can not get involved with a relationship with a crewmember, it is impossible. I must be strong. But still she is all I could ever wish for. She is strong, not just physically but mentally, and still she vulnerable, as a child. It is appealing.

But how, how could I abuse that. It would be unfair. I would steal her childhood. The child she never was. It is there I know it. Every time she discovers something knew, something she has not seen before she reacts as a child who wants to find out if it hurts or not. She seems sceptic and cold but I have found out along the years she is not. She is warm and gentle.

A short chirp fills the cargobay, I know her regeneration cycle is over and I should move away. She should not know that I watch her. Still I find myself unable to move. I want to see her wake. I want to see those pale blue eyes open and above all, I want them to see me.

I see her move a bit, take a harsh breath, the flutter of her eyes and then she is fully conscious.

"Captain, how can I assist you."

The words flow of her lips and fill the chilled air of the cargobay. Her voice sounds so very cold and yet so warm and gentle.

"Seven, I ehm, I was just watching you. I do not mean to disturb you."

Oh God, I am afraid. I feel myself trembling like I am some crazy teenager who's after the stud of the class.

"You do never disturb me Captain."

Her eyes seem to darken a bit, she almost seems to enjoy the fact that I have been watching her. I see her move closer and with every step she takes my heart starts to pound harder and harder. I want to control my breath but it seems useless. I am losing control. Not good. I am the Captain. I am strong. Still I seem to lose it, it's slipping away and I can't get it back.

"Oh, ok." Oh God this is silly, I can't even get a phrase normal out of my mouth.

"I know, you've been watching me often.'

"Busted." It is all I can say, she knows. I don't really understand why she never told me that she knew.

"Yes, why do you watch me Captain?"

Her eyes grow darker as she still moves closer to me, her hands behind her back. Head slightly to one side.

"Because, well I don't know actually."

"You do not know?"

Her voice is still monotone, no sign of affection whatsoever. It makes it uneasy to converse with her. I do not understand why, since it had never bothered me before.

"I think, I come to ease my thoughts. To think about our conversations or some problems I have."

"You have a problem."

It was a statement. I knew it. She knew something was bothering me. But she does not know that it involves her. That I am what? -  in love with her. At least I hope she does not know.

"Yes? no?" Oh this is hard, I cannot tell her. It would be wrong. And she would not feel the same for me. She sees me as her guide not her lover.

She raises her eyebrow. "Would you like to talk about it, I know you still have 9 hours before your duty will begin.'

"I can't."

"Why not, I do not understand. You told me to express my feelings. But you are blocking them away."

Her voice is filled with concern now. I know many people do not hear it, but I do. She is concerned about me. But I, I am in love with her.

"Ok, but not here, how about we go to my quarters. It would be more? I would be more at ease."

Again she raises that eyebrow. Her ocular implant actually, still there was an eyebrow once. I long to touch the ocular implant, to touch it gently with my fingertips. Every time I watch her she takes my breath away. Sometimes I remind myself that I am holding my breath. She is just so beautiful. But I cannot do this. And maybe now was a good time to talk about that.

"Very well." Is the short response, and she moves next to me as we walk through the doors towards my room. We don't talk at all. Still I can feel her eyes burning on me. They seem to penetrate through my uniform. Again my heart starts beating faster.

We enter the turbolift and just stand there for a moment.

"Captain?" she looks at me a bit confused. Then I understand why.

"Oh sorry, computer, deck 3."

And the lift starts to move, you can hardly feel it, only hear the soft hum of the lift and somehow they ease my tension down a bit.

Suddenly the lift turns to an abrupt stop. The lights fall out, only leaving the reddish red alert light on. Something is wrong. We both know it. I grab my combadge.

"Janeway to the bridge."

"Chakotay here. Captain we have been attacked."

"By what, long range sensors did not reveal a ship."

"Captain it is not a ship, they are firing at us from the planets surface."

"Damnit, Chakotay, I am in the turbolift, it is stuck, anyway we are gonna get this thing online?"

"No captain, the species on this planet are still firing at us, we need the power for the engines."

Acknowledged. Janeway out."

I look to the blond Borg standing next to me. She seems quite at ease. No signs of distress whatsoever. That was good, I could use a cool head right now.

"I believe we are going for a climb." My voice is filled with a bit of sarcasm but not to bad. I just hate climbing when we have the ability of a turbolift. I mean I like rock climbing but not those to small steps, which are supposed to be ladders.

"I believe so too captain." She throws her head back in her neck and reaches out for the hatch to open it.

Then everything goes to quick, as the hatch opens I see an electricity cable drop down, I know it is gonna fall on me, but it is too late. I feel like I cannot move. In slow motion I see Seven step towards me and push me away. The cable falls down, hits her in her neck. There is still a lot of power on it, and she starts shocking. I am still frozen, I want to l reach out and grab her but I feel like my body is moving to slow.

Finally I get a hold on the cable and pull it from her body. She drops onto the floor. I smell burned flesh. Careful I put the cable away and close the hatch. Then I drop onto the floor.

She is still awake, but her upper body looks ravished. Her ocular implant is black. It's burned. Her neck and a part of her biosuit is also burned. She is breathing hard.

"Seven?" It is all I manage to say as I drop on the floor next to her.

"I am badly damaged."

"You'll be alright." I promise her.

I slap my combadge. "Janeway to Chakotay, I have a medical emergency, two to beam up directly to sickbay!"

"Chakotay here. The transporters are offline. We'll try to fix them, stand by."

"Damnit, Chakotay I need them now!" I look down in terror at the young blond, holding her tight now. She is shivering badly, and I can feel her heartbeat slowing down.

"I am dying?"

"No you're not, I won't let you." She grabs my tunic and pulls me down. I want to cry. I want to be weak but I can't, I have to be strong for her.

"Cap? Captain..." Her head is so close to me, her body shivering so badly. " My nanoprobes, they are failing."

"Please call me Kathryn." I wonder what makes me say that. Perhaps it would make it easier for me. I can't handle this.

"Seven listen to me, you have to fight?" I know she always listened to me, she argued all right, but when I asked her to do something, she would. I can only hope she will do now.

"Kath Kathryn, I am scared." She's holding on me for dear life, hurting my upper arm but I try not to think about it. I am so afraid. I don't want her to die. She can't die on me, not now, not ever.

"Standby for transport, we are trying to get a lock." Chakotay's voice chirps through my combadge.

Nothing happens, then I see she is closing her eyes, she is dropping away, her grip on my sleeve lessens.

"Kathryn, I lo...", her breathing stops and I feel her hand drop of my arm. I can't. This can't be happening. It's not right. I feel my tears staining in the back of my eyes and no longer I can prevent them from falling down. I hug her lifeless body, holding it as close as I can. "I am so sorry,  I love you so much." I was too late.

I can do this and scream. Then I feel my body dematerialising and when my scream is over I am in the sickbay.
 
 
 
 

Everything goes so slow, yet so quick. I am sitting on the floor. Watching. The doctor takes Seven out of my arms. Paris runs to get the instruments. Seven is put on a biobed.

Her left side of her upper body totally black. An ensign grabs me and takes me to the doctor's office. I want to struggle, to get to the biobed and see Seven. But I am unable to do so.

"Mister Paris, I need those nanoprobes NOW!" The doctor says He is peeling of her biosuit fast. Showing more burned flesh. Her left breast is black to. It's burned. I have to turn away. I sit down. Feeling nauseous.

There are so many voices. The doc is talking loud. I do not hear the words anymore. I just sit. It's too much. I feel like I am going to choke. I cannot breathe. Like I am drowning slowly.
 
 

Suddenly the doctor is with me. I wonder how long I have been sitting here. Maybe an hour, Maybe more.

"Captain?" He asks me.

I look up, crying. I did not know I was still doing so, but now I can clearly feel the tears stream over my face.

"How is she?"

"She'll be fine. Her nanoprobes shut down by the electric shock, but I managed to get them working again. She will not be able to see for a few days however. Her ocular implant is not restored yet. Her nanoprobes need to restore the damage too it. It will take some time. Her other eye is also damaged, I can only hope the nanoprobes will restore that one too. But beside that she'll be fine"

He looks so proud. He saved her from death.

"Can I see her now?"

"Yes you can, but only for a moment. You need rest as well Captain!"

I want to argue, but I know it's not worth the efforts. I am tired, I know. Still I don't think I will be able to sleep.

I walk over towards the bed. Several gelpacks are in her neck and alongside her face. She is covered with a blanket. I know the gelpacks continue down her body to somewhere around her left breast. I know she is naked under the sheet. I smile a bit at the thought. I do not understand why it is so important to know she is naked under the covers. I do not feel aroused, I feel hurt.

I watch her, and stroke some hair out of her face. I am not crying anymore, but I still feel so bad.

"Go home Captain." It is not a request, it's an order. "I will contact you when she wakes. For now, you need to eat and rest."

I stand up, and nod at the EMH. I turn and leave the sickbay.
 
 
 
 

It's morning, the clock tells me it is 6:00 hours. I have not slept. I have walked around the ship. Helping to restore some of the damage. I have not eaten. I am not hungry. My uniform is dirty and I smell bad. I walk over to my bedroom. Maybe a shower would help me to relax a bit.

I have always seen my ship as my highest priority. Even lovers would come after the ship. But now I don't care about Voyager. I can't do this. My ship must be my first priority, always. It would be unfair to Seven. I have to tell her when she wakes. I cannot. Oh God what do I do.
 
 

The shower does not provide me any relaxation. I still feel tense. I still feel dirty. I walk into my living room and order the replicator a cup of coffee. I sit down on the couch and watch the stars passing by. Closing my eyes I think back of the event. What was she going to say? Those words? I love you?? It has to be, what else could it be? But if so, could she really be in love with me. She has never experienced love before as far as I know. Could it be gratitude??

I take a sip of my coffee, needing the caffeine, but somehow it doesn't taste good.

I have to tell her, tell her I love her. I don't want to lose her again. Having to live with the knowledge that I lost my chance on loving because of my stubborn nature and didn't give my own feelings, her feelings a chance. And because of what, because I am a Starfleet Captain, and it's considered improper to get involved with a crewmember. But we are in the Delta Quadrant, so many light-years from home, and she is not even a crewmember.

My mind seems to explode, there are so many questions, and I don't know what to do anymore. I feel a headache coming up and I am glad my combadge chirps.

"Doctor to Janeway."

I get the combadge from the table, and slap it. "Janeway here."

"I am about to wake Seven, would you like to be here?"

"I am on my way."

I am still half-dressed as I make my way towards sickbay. I hurry as fast as I can. Hoping she wouldn't awake without me by her side. I slap my combadge to inform Chakotay he has the bridge today. I know I have to tell her now. I know that if I don't tell her, I probably never will.

As I enter sickbay, the doctor is standing next to Sevens biobed. Waiting for me. I swallow hard as I see her. I feel like I have abandoned her. Still, I could not have stayed or the doctor would have forced me to go to my quarters. I look at him. He has a silly grin on his face, and I wonder what he is thinking.

"Slept well?" he asks.

"No!" I know he knows. I must look horrible. Actually I don't care. I would have stayed up for a week if I had too.

The EMH presses a hypospray in Sevens neck and walks away. "Just 5 minutes Captain. Seven needs rest."

I give him a daring look. Still I don't think he cares. Her eyes flutter and then open. I can see panic in her face.

"Seven?" I whisper. I'm not sure if she heard it. She looks so helpless, afraid, alone. I tremble, I am so afraid I might brake.

"Kathryn?. Kathryn where are you?"

"I am right here." I take her hand in mine, and with my other hand I brush some hair away.

"Why can't I see you?"

"You're implant, it's not functioning yet. It will take a few days. Then you'll see just fine." Oh I sure hope I am right. That she will be able to see again. Still the doctor seemed quite sure so I think it is just a matter of time.

"I feel, I am afraid. I want to see you." Her voice is trembling. This is so hard. I would give anything to give her her sight back. But I can't. It's just a matter of time.

"I know. But it will be all right. You will be all right. I am right here" To prove my point I lean over and kiss her softly on the top of her head. I can feel her shudder a bit.

"I love you." I don't know how I managed to say the words, but I did in a whisper. "I love you and I'll never leave you again." Tears are dwelling in my eyes.

She's taking a harsh breath, then for the first time I hear her whisper the words I love you too and I brake. Again crying, the tears sliding down my face, dropping down, falling on her beautiful face. Carefully I wipe them away.

"Kathryn?"

"Yes?"

"I feel, tired." She never slept before, so I understand why she is asking

"Sleep. I will be here."

"How?"

"Just close your eyes and imagine yourself in a nice place. Somewhere that makes you feel good."

Her eyelids close and she drifts of. Within ten minutes she is fast asleep. I stand up and walk away. I have to take care of my duties now. I am after all, 'the Captain' and since the ship is damaged I need to read reports. Well work couldn't hurt me too much. Maybe it is good to do something useful.
 
 
 
 

I wake up feeling more restless then I was. I find someone stroking my hair. When I look up I see Seven. I must have fallen asleep watching her after duty. My head resting on her abdomen.

"How do you feel?"

"I can see you." Her voice is warm. She gives me a soft smile. I see the doctor has removed the gelpacks and I can see her new pale skin.

"She is ready to leave sickbay too!" the voice comes from behind me.

I look at the doctor with astonishment. Could she, already?

"Good, does she have to regenerate now?"

"No, not for the upcoming 32 hours. But she is not allowed to work just yet. Only after her regeneration cycle she can get back to work."

I look at Seven and give her a soft smile. "Still want to come to my quarters?"

"I would like that Captain."

"Good!"

The doctor puts a screen around her biobed, to give her the ability to change back in her clothes.

When she is ready to leave, she is Seven again. She has her cold arrogant look again. And it's like nothing has happened. Still I can never get the image of her burned face out of my head again. She saved me. And I know why.

As we walk towards the exit, we don't speak. I feel I have a silly grin on my face and try my best to put my command mask back on, just for now.

"Oh and Captain she needs rest, so that means no activities which include sweating." The Doc gives me a strange grin and I wish I had a PADD right now to throw at his head. I can feel my cheeks grow warm and red. What does he know that I don't?
 
 

We walk towards my quarters in silent. I am more then happy when we arrive at my quarters because I am about to have a nervous breakdown.

The doors hiss open and it sounds louder than usual. Maybe I am slowly going insane. I don't know. All I know that I have never been so nervous in my entire life.

When the doors close I want to turn around, but I find I am unable to do so as she wraps her arms around my waist holding me tight. I let my head drop back on her shoulder. I never want this embrace to end. She feels so warm. Her bodyheat penetrating through my uniform.

I open my eyes only to find her eyes watching me.

"I want to kiss you."

I smile faintly. "I thought you would never ask."

She raises her eyebrow, her way to show the humour she finds in my words. I hope one day she will actually laugh but then, I could live with just the raised eyebrow.

I can feel her face move closer to mine, as we are still in that embrace, Seven hugging me from behind. She puts her lips gently on mine, and I whimper. This is true heaven. Gently I loosen the embrace and turn around, never ending the kiss. I want to deepen the kiss. Shyly she brakes the kiss, looking at me questioning.

"Just follow my lead, you'll be fine." It's a promise.

I lean forward and kiss her, this time more it's more passionate, lips claiming searching. This time when my tongue touches her lips she doesn't pull away. Slowly she permits me entrance and our kiss deepens. Tongues meeting, exploring. She tastes so good. I can hear her moan softly as the kiss grows bolder.

We end the kiss. Breathing hard. I never knew a kiss could be this breath taking. I wonder if it will always be like this. Our heads are ever so close and slowly she leans into me, our foreheads meet, and I close my eyes, both enjoying the sensation from the kiss we just shared.

"I understand now."

I put my finger on her lips, she doesn't have to speak. I understand, I never understood better in my life.

She puts her mesh-covered hand on my tunic and slowly unfastens it.
 

"Seven, the doctor said."

She kisses my objection away, then continues undressing me.

"I do not follow orders from a hologram." She grabs the waistband of my trousers and pulls them down.

Then she falls on her knees and takes of my boots. Gently I step out of them and my trousers too.

"I believe we agreed he was sentient."

"Then he should not find out, we are engaging in an activity that includes sweating."

"No I guess not. Maybe we should keep this between us then.'

"That would be acceptable."

I smile and take her hand. Guiding her to my bedroom. I am only wearing my underwear and I give her a look.

She turns around knowing what I was thinking and starts peeling of her biosuit. I can see her back revealing itself from her suit and I hold my breath. It eases down her back, her buttocks and finally her long legs. She steps out of it swiftly and turns around. Gloriously naked. She is so beautiful standing in the dark. Only the light of the stars falls down on her.

I take my bra of and she pulls my knickers down, ever so gently.

I drop down on the bed and she is on top of me, kissing me deeply. Then she hesitates.

"What is it?"

"I am uncertain how to proceed."

"Well that makes two of us." I cup her head and give her a kiss.

"How about we just find out along the way."

"That sounds acceptable."

I turn us around, now I am on top of her. I lazily start kissing her jawline, taking an earlobe along the way. I can hear her gasp as I flick it with my tongue. Then ever so slightly I continue downwards. Kissing her neck, the pulsepoint I find there. I follow my fingertips. Slowly moving toward her breasts. The are so beautiful in the starlight. Her pink nipple erects as soon as I come near it with my finger. Then my mouth reaches it. And ever so gently I take the nipple in my mouth. I can hear her breathing harsh. Moaning, calling my name.

I flick my tongue around her nipple, and she puts her hand on my head, urging me to take more of her aching flesh.

For a short moment I obey then I drift away, looking for the other breast. I give it the same attention. I slip my leg between hers and she opens it without protest. I can feel her hot and wet centre pushing against my thigh and I know that now is the best time to continue downwards. Slowly I kiss her breasts goodbye, now searching for another goal. I kiss her abdomen, trace my finger along her implants, and flick my tongue out to tease her navel. She gasps again.

Then I reach her damp triangle. I nuzzle my head in it for a moment, and then I proceed down gently urging her to open her legs more which she is more willing to do. I spread her folds and within seconds I find the tiny bundle of nerves.

I do not tease her, I gently flick it with my tongue. In a short time we have a rhythm and I feel she is almost there. She moans. Then she spasms. She gives a soft cry and I guide her through her first orgasm. With one last kiss I leave the little bundle, and come back up. I cradle her in my arms. Holding her ever so tight.

"Kathryn?."

"I am here, always.'

"I love you."

"I love you too." I feel tears slipping out of my eyes. This is the most beautiful night of my life. I have never felt so good.

When my new lover has her breath back I feel her urging me down. Everything is going to be all right. Maybe this was just meant to be. For once in my life I do what I want to do. What feels right. This is true happiness. Finally.

Epilogue

I watch her sleep. Her head is resting on my chest and I can feel her warm breath on my breasts. She is so beautiful. I don't know when she is more beautiful when she is awake or asleep.

It is 5:00 hours so I won't be able to enjoy this sensation much longer. She will wake within the hour. But then the thought of making love again is appealing.

I never understood the need of humans to copulate. Never understood love. But now I think I do.

I have achieved my goal. Perfection. She is perfect. She is everything I was looking for.

My Kathryn.
 
 

The End
 

Authors note: This is my first ST: VOY J/7 story, so pretty please be gentle with me. Enjoy!
I dedicate this story to Jacqueline, who helped me with this story. I owe you one! ;-) *hugs*