A Mirror Story

Hello. How are you? How are you feeling today? Can I get you anything? Is there something I can do to help? Would you like something to read perhaps? Maybe we should have a nice talk. Would you like to walk? You know the doctor said you could leave your biobed today. Maybe a nice round of Voyager would do you some good, make you feel a little less depressed? You know we care about you. No need to be so grumpy. We just want to see you happy again, ready to take over command, but you're not helping you know. You need to get out of your lethargy, hm, feel the blood pumping again…

Kathryn sighed. A long, suffering, discontented sigh. Another visitor, another well-wisher, another mindlessly chattering, meddling drone of a crewmember coming to see his captain. His ill, incapacitated, humiliated commanding officer who insisted on being completely impossible to deal with. They all wanted to see it for themselves. They all wanted to see their great commander felled. Well, maybe not all one hundred and forty of them, maybe not even fifty but still a lot, too many. And she had been here for so long now, unable to do anything about the steady stream of sightseers at first, being slowly sucked dry by them. By now she didn't even have the irritation, the anger, the energy left to demand that she be released from Sickbay so she could move to the safety and privacy of her quarters. The privacy every captain but especially a captain lost and alone in an uncharted part of the galaxy needed to keep her sanity amidst the constant clamoring of the crew for more of their leader. They had all drained her days ago, when she had still been drifting in and out of consciousness, barely able to keep her eyes open long enough to focus on the person standing next to her.

How insistent they seemed to her in their effort to show her she was lying flat on her back incapable of defending herself.


'I don't need your sympathy!' Janeway snarled.

For a second Torres looked taken aback by the captain's harshness then her more assertive Klingon-nature took over. She stepped further into the captain's quarters, letting the doors close behind her, knowing it would be better if there were no accidental witnesses to the coming scene.

'And I don't need your rudeness,' B'Elanna spit out the words angrily, 'I don't need your fear and I most certainly don't need you to blast it full force at me even if it is just out of some misguided sense of self-defense.'

She advanced on Janeway who was still standing near the table, face tight, glaring at her.

'You know,' B'Elanna continued sternly, 'you're not the only one with feelings here… I have them too.' Faking surprise, she threw her hands up in the air and widened her eyes, 'what a revelation!' Her fingers were itching to hurt something. She took a deep breath.

'B'Elanna,' Janeway growled dangerously but the engineer was not to be stopped now.

'And you just hurt them!' Torres blasted. 'I care about you. You want to know why? Because I like you. So shoot me! How pathetic and weak of me, how stupid to let my guard down like that, eh? But it's true!'

Janeway was gripping the tabletop with both hands, fingers white, staring down at them, and biting the insides of her cheeks in an effort to maintain some form of control over her emotions. She wasn't sure whether she'd start yelling, crying or if she would just run away as fast as she could if she gave herself half a chance.

'My sympathy ran out about two weeks ago,' B'Elanna continued her monologue, 'it's never been one of my strong points anyway. But being faithful to a good honorable friend IS! It was just an invitation to Sandrine's and I don't deserve to get my head bitten off for that!'

'Deserve!' Janeway huffed, immediately biting down on the insides of her cheeks again.

'Want to add something?' Torres drawled.

'It isn't always what we get,' the captain said through clenched teeth.

'Exactly. All the more reason for you not to add to that and act like a pissed-off, self-absorbed Targ to someone who gives a damn.

Next time you're not sure about my motivation, I advise you to ask questions first.'

Janeway had to admit that it was a valid observation but wasn't sure it mattered at this point or that she could trust her voice to say something sensible on the subject, so she kept her eyes steadily on the padds in front of her.

B'Elanna's voice gentled a fraction, the worst of her anger had dissipated, 'I miss you, we miss you. We're going to be in Sandrine's for a while; you're very welcome to join us. At any time.' She didn't want to wait for another rejection, so she turned and went for the door. On the threshold she stopped, adding 'and in any mood,' before leaving her captain alone.


'Any luck?' Tom asked. Neelix and Harry who sat with their backs to the entrance looked around and past her to see if she'd brought the captain with her.

B'Elanna sat down at the table looking gloomily at her friends. On her way back, she'd started to regret her outburst a bit. Janeway usually didn't like it when someone growled, snapped or yelled at her. She could at least have made her point a little more gently B'Elanna berated herself. 'I think I made things worse, we're probably not going to see her for a while longer, or at least I'm not.'

Chakotay frowned worriedly, the tattoo over his eyebrow crinkling, 'what did you do?'

'She was rude,' Torres said defensively.

'So you got angry,' he stated resignedly, 'and then you left.'

Torres nodded.

'Did you throw anything?'

'No, but I called her a pissed-off, self-absorbed Targ.'

Tom snorted. B'Elanna just glared at her lover.

'You knew she would be rude,' Seven said. She had been quiet so far this evening because she felt awkward in this social setting but she had hoped the captain would join them and was upset with the engineer's obviously inadequate approach to the problem. 'The captain has been rude and unaccommodating since she regained consciousness in Sickbay. Why take exception to that behavior now?'

'You may be little Miss Perfect but we haven't all been lucky enough to be raised by the Borg,' B'Elanna felt her anger rising again like a heat surge through her veins.

Seven considered this for a moment, the remark stung. She knew she would start a fight if she gave in to her impulse to affirm Torres' words. 'Lead by example' the captain had once explained to her after a particularly grueling Velocity match. Their Holodeck time had expired but the game had not been concluded. Seven had asked if she could not invoke 'captain's privilege' to command the Holodeck until the game's finish: 'Lead by example.' Well all right then, she would try.

Just as Seven opened her mouth, B'Elanna murmured 'sorry'. She had been quiet for so long that the feisty half-Klingon had had time to reflect on her insensitive remark and realized she wasn't helping the situation.

'I was about to say the same thing,' Seven offered, 'I am sorry. I am merely worried about the captain and disappointed that she will not talk to us.

She probably would not have joined us in any case.'

'No,' Harry sighed.

Chakotay sighed in compassion. 'Of all the attacks we've had over the years, why is this one so much harder for her to deal with?'

'She nearly died!' Tom exclaimed slightly exasperated by the first officer's obtuseness.

'Tom, I held her lifeless body in my arms once,' Chakotay retorted, 'she has even been assimilated! No problem, no, everything just fine, 'when can I get back to work? Release me now!' I occasionally thought she was made of indestructible rubber, you know: always bounces right back.'

Silence descended around the table as everybody considered his words.

'She is working,' Harry offered tentatively. Everybody, including Seven, seemed to grimace unhappily at that.

'But not living Harry,' Tom said.

'Maybe it is not the attack,' Seven volunteered, 'but the people.'

'Us,' she added after a short silence.

Suddenly Neelix rose, a big if somewhat forced smile on his face. 'This won't do, we're going to talk ourselves into a depression too if we don't stop this now. We just have to give her some space. In the meantime, we're going to have a drink and a pleasant evening. Who wants another beer? Seven, more water?'


Padds lay scattered across the floor. She'd swiped them off the table in anger. Chairs lay upturned around it. Her fists pounded on her desk, on the wall of her quarters, still careful to pick the inner walls hoping to prevent a security detail from rushing in to rescue her from some perceived threat.

'Damn you, damn you, damn you!'

Angry tears hung on Kathryn's lashes; occasionally one lost its grip and fell to the floor or onto her uniform.

She wasn't sure whom she was damning: B'Elanna, the crew in general, their last attackers, herself… It didn't matter; it felt good, the pain, the chaos, her fury.

Eventually she stopped. Leaning against the wall, her eyes closed. She just hated them all. And she was stuck here on this damned ship with them. No, she loved the ship. She just wanted to get off of it and never have to return. Another ship, other people. People who didn't know her, or thought they knew her.

A pissed-off, self-absorbed Targ. Yea right.

She couldn't remember the last time she'd had such a full-blown fit of pointless rage.

In the bathroom she washed her face, drank some water. Her body was still a little sore at times. Gripping her neck, she growled at the mirror in frustration. The attack had happened a little over a month ago, her release from Sickbay lay three weeks in the past and she'd started work as soon as possible. Her time since then had mostly been spent hauling herself through meetings, sitting hunched over uninteresting longwinded reports and staring blankly at the Bridge's viewscreen. Not conducive to a healthy physique.

A deep sigh passed her lips. All right then. Sandrine's. She grinned evilly at the mirror. Any mood but no pissed-off, self-absorbed Targ. Inwardly she derided B'Elanna for her inconsistency. In the end they would stop inviting her. She could make them.


The shocked silence that greeted her arrival unnerved her. Made her say 'So is there any room left for a disgruntled old captain?'

'No,' Seven answered squarely. Leaving Kathryn to stand there not knowing what to do. 'But you are very welcome to join us.'

Kathryn took a deep breath, unbalanced by those deep ocean blue eyes. 'I think-'

But by then Neelix had jumped up and grabbed a chair from a nearby table. 'No, don't think, just sit, have a drink. What would you like?' His big smile seeming more alien to Kathryn than ever before.

'A beer?' he asked.

'Eh, sure.'

Nobody said a word. Janeway was determined not to make this easy. It was after all their fault she was here. They thought it would help with… who knew what. They wouldn't leave her alone; therefore, they would have to do all the work. She didn't thank Neelix when he returned with her drink.

In the end, the helmsman started a conversation about a holoprogram he'd discovered while perusing Voyager's database for the umpteenth time. The captain wondered idly if he really didn't have a life or if he had some other excuse. The others jumped at the subject as though it was actually interesting.

Bored she sipped from her beer, listened a bit to the continuous chattering surrounding her and let her eyes wander around the Holodeck. Several crewmembers glanced at her furtively; some tried to smile encouragingly with different amounts of success. She gave them a curt nod mostly out of habit but didn't return their smiles.

Her eyes came to rest on Seven. The young woman regarded her steadily, not judging, not questioning, not reassuring. If anything, she seemed just to be paying attention to her. For a few seconds Kathryn lost all concept of the room around her, the sensation seemed to pull her out of herself. It was so much more intense than the thoughts and feelings she'd been following around her head and heart the last few weeks, that it overwhelmed her. It was too much and she diverted her gaze quickly.

Time passed immeasurably slow. Her beer grew flat. The conversation didn't improve. She didn't try to engage in it nor did her 'friends' try to include her. No doubt they didn't know what to say to her. She looked at the walls, at the table, her beer and waited. Her exclusion from the life around her was obvious and served to show that being surrounded by people didn't change how she felt or what she wanted.

The only thing that occupied her attention, although not in an entirely pleasant way, was Seven's gaze. Occasionally Kathryn's eyes would stray to Seven and they would always find her looking back. She wished she could just ignore the blonde, like the rest of the setting, stay in her own little world but her eyes eventually returned to the object of their desire every single time. The woman was so damned beautiful and so focused on whatever she did, so full of purpose, it worked like a magnet on Kathryn despite herself. Just looking at her made her feel… more secure.

This was the moment that Kathryn finally showed a small sign of life. It came about completely involuntarily: Kathryn smiled at Seven. It wasn't a big smile, in fact, it looked more like the kind of small smirk that the ex-Borg had patented, but Seven noticed it. Not that she reacted, afraid of scaring the captain of, sensing that she was only biding her time, waiting for any excuse to leave, she did however store the information for possible later evaluation.

When Janeway had finally finished her beer, she waited another five minutes before rising. 'It was nice to see you all again,' Janeway said softly, no need to be rude, her message was clear, 'good night.' She walked away, their hesitant 'goodnight captain' hanging still in the air behind her.


'That was a pathetic effort,' Chakotay said in disgust.

'It's not as if you said anything!' B'Elanna scoffed.

'I know!'

'What was there to say?' Harry asked rhetorically, 'she didn't give an inch.'

'Hardly even spared us a glance,' agreed Voyager's pilot.

Without saying a word, Seven rose and left the Holodeck.


The Astrometrics officer pressed the chime again and waited.

Nothing.

After exactly one minute, she pressed the chime again and waited.

No answer.

One minute passed before she pressed the chime a fifth time and waited.

Almost immediately followed by doors opening in front of a very angry red-shouldered captain.

'What do you think you're doing driving me craze with that chime?'

'You are exaggerating.'

'You have a problem with that officer?'

'I was merely stating an observation.'

'And I asked you a question!'

'You did not open the door, so I continued until you did.'

'I didn't open the door because I don't want to see you.'

'You have not wanted to see us now for twenty nine days. If you persist with this course of action, you risk not seeing anyone for the next thirty years approximately. That would drive you 'crazy'.'

'I just spent an hour in a bar with all of you, Torres came over and I have seen you all several times during my shift. That is quite enough for me.'

'Forty seven minutes and twelve seconds.'

'What?'

'You stayed with us for forty seven minutes and twelve seconds.'

'Whatever! It was nice discussing this with you. Have a pleasant evening.'

Just as Janeway was about to turn around and let the doors slide shut behind her, Seven stepped forward and brushed past the captain into her quarters. Before Janeway could react, Seven had sat down on her couch. 'I am staying and you will tell me why you are angry.'

'Do I need to call security?' Janeway growled.

Seven merely arched a Borg-enhanced eyebrow.

Angrily Kathryn stalked over to the viewport, folded her arms over her chest and clenched her jaw tightly. Both waited. Seven patiently and Kathryn very impatiently until she'd had enough. Fine, she thought, two can play this game. Walking over to her chair, she picked up a book from the coffee table and settled in as if to read her way through this.

Fifteen minutes later she finally flipped the book face down on the table. 'I don't need this.'

'What you need is to feel alive and to accept that you are part of us, whether you like it or not.'

'I AM alive whether I like it or not and I AM a part of this crew although right now I definitely don't like it. And believe me I can feel that all too well!'

'You wish you had died?' Seven asked as neutrally as she could even if the idea greatly upset her.

'Yes! No! I don't know,' Janeway said sounding uncertain, 'I do know I don't want to talk about it. I do know that I wish you would stop trying to change how I feel, treating me as a problem or as if I have a problem…' She trailed off not knowing what to add to the list. 'Just let me be, it will sort itself out,' she finished wearily.

'I love you.'

The captain groaned and closed her eyes, leaning her head back against the backrest. 'Why do you all want something from me?'

Seven wasn't at all sure where those words had come from but she could feel the rightness of her confession all the way to her bones. She didn't feel like she wanted anything from the captain, at least she wasn't expecting to hear the captain say she reciprocated. Although the young woman suspected her of harboring strong feelings for her too.

'Come here,' Seven ordered the highest-ranking Starfleet officer in the Delta Quadrant.

'Definitely not!' Janeway threw Seven a stern look. 'Seven I really am not the person you should fall in love with.'

Seven thought that she didn't seem to have much choice in the matter but didn't relay her thoughts out loud. She simply repeated her order. 'Come here Kathryn.'

'I mean look at me Seven. Look at me. Aside from all kind of protocol problems and credibility issues, I am close to twenty years your senior and a lonely, sucked dry, domineering woman who likes to keep herself apart from the rest at the best of times. I am stuck in a position I usually love and occasionally hate with a vengeance. I can't move left, right, backwards or forward…' Kathryn inhaled a deep breath as if to continue with her litany but she didn't have any words left.

Seven meanwhile had finally run out of patience. She stood and walked over to stand next to the chair that held the discontented captain. In one fluid movement, she hoisted her out of it by gripping her shoulders firmly and bringing Kathryn's face close to her own.

'You need to be loved. I love you very much and I am going to kiss you now.' Seven said it all as calmly and clearly as possible to assure that Kathryn understood completely and then gave her two seconds in case she really didn't want to be kissed by her and Seven had made a big mistake. Kathryn just looked at her with big eyes. Slowly Seven moved closer until their lips met. She kissed her gently, undemanding, her hands released the shoulders and tenderly cupped the strong face. The kiss lasted ten seconds before Seven pulled away.

'Sufficient?' she asked softly.

Janeway cast her eyes down, hesitating over her answer. '… Yes… but Seven please…'

The tall woman slipped her arm around the fragile, forlorn-looking one next to her. 'Come with me then,' and she lightly pulled Kathryn along to the bedroom.

'Computer, lights out,' Seven said softly.

When Kathryn's eyes adjusted, she could still make out Seven, her bed, enough to prevent bruises and accidents.

'This just isn't possible-'

Seven put a finger over Kathryn's lips. 'You have talked enough. At the moment, you do not care much about Starfleet, your position or what others may think. It would be hypocritical to suddenly change your attitude. You let your feelings lead your actions. Continue with that a little longer.'

Janeway had barely been able to keep from interrupting Seven's little speech. Anger flashed heatedly through her eyes. 'Are you saying I'm-'

Seven pressed her lips on Kathryn's, her hands gliding over her face, softly tickling her cheeks, her brows, moving into her hair. Slowly Kathryn started to participate in the kiss; the softness of Seven's mouth, the fingers that stroked her coaxing her into surrender. The kisses melting, deepening, their tongues moving together. Fingertips explored the intricacy of Kathryn's ears, slid down her neck tickling the little hairs they found there. Full soft lips moved over her cheekbones, her nose, her chin. The pale tip of a tongue traced her eyebrows, the tips of her lashes.

Kathryn's hands moved to Seven's shoulders, explored the planes of her back, coming to rest on the full curve of hips, pulled their bodies as close as possible. 'There's no doubt I'm holding a woman,' Janeway murmured against Seven's neck, her voice sounding husky and low. She could feel Seven's smile against her cheek, a whispered 'indeed' teasing her ear. A shiver ran down her spine, this did feel good, she could forget like this. At least for a little while.


Naked, partly covered by a sturdy blue sheet, Kathryn leaned on her elbows, letting her body move warmly against Seven's, their breasts rubbing together. She leaned slightly back to tease large pink nipples with her own hardened ones, both groaned because it felt so lovely. She wouldn't mind dying doing this. Seven pulled her closer for another kiss, Kathryn now rubbing their bodies together more provocatively. She had decided that if they were going to do this, they had better do it right. Seven was innocent and a first experience like this should be good. Something to build self-confidence and trust on. This was not the right time to be absorbed in her own needs, she could return to that later.

She pushed her face between the soft warm breasts, stroked them with her cheeks, nuzzled them, and grazed a nipple lightly with her teeth. When she finally sucked it into her mouth, Seven locked Kathryn's head to the spot with her Borg-enhanced hand, careful not to hurt. And Kathryn indulged in the opulence of warm, satin-soft flesh in her mouth, against her lips. Her hands trailed the tendrils of an implant covering Seven's stomach. Later when her head was free to move around she brushed her hair over the firm abdomen, following it up with a wide path of kisses and swirls of her tongue, her nails lightly raking the pale skin of the thighs she was lying between.

As Kathryn kissed Seven deeply, her hand lightly cupped the wet warmth between the long legs. Seven moaned, pushed up against the tantalizing hand. Gently fingertips stroked through the silky wetness, lingering in places that elicited small sounds of pleasure until Seven's breathing became labored. Moving down quickly over the voluptuous body, Kathryn pressed her mouth onto the sensitive skin on the inside of a thigh, nibbled her way up, lingering near the short, blonde hairs.

Seven arched up, trying to entice her lover to continue. 'Kathryn,' she whispered in a low voice. The name almost a plea and an order at the same time. Then Kathryn's mouth was on her and all she felt was excruciating sweetness melting her center. The sensations coursing through her hot and tingling. When it became almost unbearable for Seven, feeling as though she was going to drown, she cried out a pleading 'Kathryn!' The older woman understood, looping her arms around Seven's thighs, she gripped one of her hands firmly and laid the other reassuringly on the ex-Borg's stomach. But she didn't still her tongue or lips and she didn't move from her spot. Progressively coaxing her sweet, open lover to her climax.

To Seven it felt like a huge wave of wonderfully hot water crashed through her, lifted her up and then ever so gently lowered her back to the warm embrace of Kathryn Janeway. She felt changed by the all-consuming quality of it, by the fact that somebody else would do this for her, by her complete and total surrender to the sensations and to the other person. She lay there for a while catching her breath, staring at the ceiling, enjoying the warmth of their bodies.

'Kathryn?'

'Hm?'

'Do I look different?'

Kathryn chuckled. 'No, well yes and no.'

'Explain?'

'Everything about you is the same, but your face is more relaxed, your eyes are softer and I've never seen your hair like that.' Kathryn smiled lightly.

'I want to see that on you,' Seven said softly, 'may I?' A hand reached out to trace a slender freckled shoulder, played with strands of auburn hair, moved down over an arching back to rest in the hollow of a slim waist.

Kathryn felt her desire growing, heating her blood. 'Yes.'


They woke up a few minutes before the call of the computer.

Kathryn lay morosely with one arm covering her eyes. 'Nothing has changed Seven.'

Seven looked at Kathryn. They had awoken on different sides of the bed and Seven kept the distance purposely. Crowding the red-haired woman did not seem like an excellent plan. She had a good idea where this conversation was headed. 'Yes it has.'

Kathryn sighed. 'You're still so naïve.'

'No Kathryn I am not. I am fully aware that not everything is better, but the situation has changed. You are naïve if you think it has not.'

Turning on her side, away from Seven, Kathryn gave a short snort. If only. 'You should leave.'

'Yes.' Seven got up and gathered her clothes.

Kathryn felt the unexpected answer cutting through her like betrayal. Her body stiffened, face closed off. See, I can make them leave, no problem.

'I will be back however at the end of alpha shift-' Seven was now fully dressed, ready to leave.

'What! Seven, just because we-'

'We will consume dinner together.'

Kathryn fell silent. Seven walked over to her and kneeled beside the bed. 'Kathryn.'

Blue-gray eyes looked at her cautiously.

'I do not expect you to be happy. I am not happy. Happiness is not always relevant.'

A small smile tucked at Kathryn's mouth. Seven just gazed at her for a while, enjoying the beautiful face, fine shoulders, the scent…

'Do you know how easy it is to love you?' Seven asked. She bent down to place a quick kiss on Kathryn's cheek, but Kathryn turned her head and caught the lips. It was short but passionate, satisfying a need in Kathryn for physical evidence, for proof that this woman was here.

Seven rose and turned to the door, before stepping through it she looked back, 'Kathryn, when you look in the mirror this morning… see me.'

END OF STORY