A Day in the Life
Part II
 

Prologue:

With her strong and determined jaw set squarely, Captain Kathryn Janeway, formerly the commanding officer of the Federation Starship Voyager, forced herself not to narrow her storm front eyes as the charges against her continued to be rattled off. The list was enormous, ridiculous, and full of crimes and sins she'd committed throughout her entire existence, as if her life, not just her command, was on trial. It was infuriating, embarrassing, humbling and unconscionable... yet, it was happening, despite her confusion and irritation, there was nothing she could do to stop them. But throughout her career, she'd been professional, self-aware, and tough-skinned, so instead of becoming incensed, outwardly, she merely focused on controlling her breath, thus thwarting her anger, and lifted her already proud head higher while she stood ramrod stiff. The reason for that was simple: despite the fact that she knew she was about to be not only dishonorably discharged, but stripped of her rank, and sent for at least a handful of years to prison, she had completed her long, arduous duty... and because she'd done it with such passion, for a brief moment, the world had stopped to watch in wonder at her feat: she had returned her crew safely to the Alpha Quadrant from the other side of the galaxy.

Just as she had promised them and herself that she would, or at least die trying, she had returned her crew, and her vessel to Sector 01... to Earth... to home.

The highest ranked, white-haired admiral that was speaking in his thunderous voice looked up from the PADD he was reading, and the defendant, Kathryn, was suddenly astonished, even though she remained suspended in her attentive stance. His face, that had been mean, old, craggy and unfamiliar before, wasn't so any longer. Staring back at her now was a face she knew almost as well as her own... staring back at her were her late father's much more handsome, distinguished and gracefully age features.

Admiral Edward Janeway queried her as to if she understood everything he'd just said as he sat stoic and passionless. It was a direct, unambiguous question... one she knew she would be asked, definitely... absolutely, but it was senseless to her now.

The slight redhead, whose presence was typically ten times greater than that of her physical body, swallowed soundly as her heart began pulsing chaotically inside her sternum. Weakly, while her bottom lip defied her laudable will, broke ranks unkindly and began to tremble when her mouth fell open slightly, she croaked, winded by the shock, “Daddy?”

But that wasn't the answer to the question she'd been prepared for... he wasn't the person she was prepared to face, furthermore.

When her father stood and narrowed his eyes, then boomed in his god-like voice, demanding that she answer the question, Janeway inhaled and cracked, instinctively, even though he'd never spoken to her in such a tone prior to this unthinkably confounding day, “Aye, Sir.”

“Leave us,” the admiral commanded after holding her lucid, desperate gaze for a beat. As the crowd of onlookers, some of whom she knew, some she didn't, shook their heads disappointedly, whispering their propaganda and filed out of the courtroom, leaving only those who bore the name Janeway in its confines, Edward slowly stepped from behind the bench, skirted the edge deliberately slow, and finally said once he was within two footsteps of her, “You lost the right to call me that seven years ago, Katie... you're not my daughter anymore.” Coming close to her as she stood frozen, he schooled, looking at her as if she were the most vile creature there ever was, “You're a disgrace... a disgrace to your uniform... to everything I taught you. You don't deserve your command any more than you deserve the name I gave you.”

Staring into her father's bluish grey eyes that were so much like her own, as her breath began to falter and grow quicker, less controlled, Kathryn tried with all her sturdy might to speak up for herself, to stand up for herself like her father had taught her, to tell him of all the good things she'd done in the name of Starfleet and the Federation... all the sacrifices she'd made with his memory to guide her through the toughest of times, when she'd felt as though she'd come face to face with evil and hadn't surrendered... but she couldn't. She couldn't even open her mouth at this point, and his stare continued to break through all of her defenses and weaken her reserve until her crystal clear vision of him began to blur with moisture. Tangibly, she could feel herself failing... right before her very eyes she could see herself proving her worthlessness, proving that the charges against her were true and just. So, when he sighed and shook his head in disgust as her lids could no longer hold the tears building in them and they began rolling down her cheek, Janeway did the only thing she could think to do to leave the impression he'd always taught her was more important than anything else: she stepped up to him and lifted her chin while she silently and steadily wept. Then reaching over to her shoulder, she tore the four, shiny golden pips from her dress uniform, and with eerily crisp clinking sounds, they fell to the floor as she loosened her hand and allowed them to roll off the tips of her smooth fingers... one by one.

For a fleeing moment the female Janeway felt her voice return as the pips she'd worked so hard to earn bounced and scattered, so she managed before her whisper failed her again, barely audible in her deepest pitch, “My name... is Kathryn... don't you ever forget it.”

When two insistent hands latched onto her arms in the next moment, which belonged to nameless, faceless MP's, Janeway shrugged away from them while she held her father's stare, then warned, malevolent, speaking to the ones that had come for her, but not looking away from the admiral, “Remove your hands... now.”

But they wouldn’t let her go. No matter how much she yelled at them to leave her be and that she would walk out of the door on her own, they kept grabbing her, shaking her and pulling her away... dragging her toward the blackness... to Hell, she knew, because she’d been there before.

Janeway grew closer and closer to the fate she didn’t honestly believe would befall her, even though she’d traveled this lonesome road before, and as she started to struggle more, her burning calm erupted into a chaotic fight for her soul. Her aggressors weren’t MP’s anymore either. They were morphing too, and though she attempted to understand the science behind their transformation into what she could only describe as demons, she couldn’t wrap her mind around the events any more than she could explain how her dead father was standing in front on her... especially since she’d watched him perish. And they laughed at her for her inability to comprehend because she was supposedly a Starfleet captain that had been to the other side of the galaxy, and had seen more continuous action due to that than any captain there had ever been, but through all her experiences, she couldn’t comprehend such a simple concept of evil. She was a captain, and she couldn’t figure out, even when staring into the face of the truth, that everything had a reason and that this was her destiny... a destiny of her own doing... and so it had been decided long before Voyager.

And through it all, her father just stood, watched but did nothing except said, “Kathryn... Red... Kathryn, Cowgirl... Baby, Kathryn... ” and she didn’t understand that at all... nothing... there was nothing she could do... not even use her greatest weapon: her mind.

Her father had never been vengeful... he’d never believed or taught her to practice revenge or that ‘an eye for an eye’ was anywhere close to noble... so she didn’t understand why he of all people was letting this happen without even trying to help her... at least she’d tried... she had failed... but she had tried.

As she felt herself falling backward into the everlasting pit of despair, the captain surged forward with everything she had left. Fighting to save herself and the dignity that came with the Janeway name because she didn’t believe she deserved this fate, Kathryn growled, “Not like this... no, damn you... not... like... this!”

She broke one arm free from the confines of the demons’ powerful hold on her, and as the world slowed around her while she reached for the man she thought loved her enough that he’d forgive her for what she’d done, and understand why she’d done it, Janeway cried at the top of her lungs as she had when the shuttle that carried the bodies of her father and fiancée sank into an arctic glacier, “Daaaaaddy! Pleeeeeease!”

Never having heard her captain, her mentor, her best friend, and her lover yell such a phrase in such a manner, Seven of Nine, Tertiary Adjunct to Unimatrix 01 released the squirming body of Kathryn Janeway immediately, having a quick recollection of how she, herself, had called out her own father for assistance just before she was assimilated and instantly felt that she hadn’t enough data to efficiently assist Kathryn as she required. Clearly frightened, certain Janeway was severely malfunctioning because it wasn’t the captain’s practice to sound so helpless, Seven snapped her head up to Chief Engineer Torres, who was still holding onto the redhead, although no longer speaking and said, in question, her voice tense, “B’Elanna Torres?”

Having thoroughly enough of this nice and easy nonsense, that never having been Torres’ forte, and having tried everything else to wake the fitful woman except slapping her or throwing water in her face, the half-Klingon barked as authoritative as she’d ever done, “Captain Janeway... wake the fuck up! That’s an order!”

Sitting straight up, panting, wide-eyed and sweat-soaked, Kathryn replied before she realized what was occurring, “Aye, Sir.” Then as she settled in a huff and her strewn hair swished forward slightly, Janeway blinked while she breathed erratically, flanked by her girlfriends, who were at a loss for words or action, then brought both hands to her face as she murmured, “Ohgod... ”

While her memories came back to her, most of the dream as fragmented as a stained glass window, except for the finale, the captain’s shoulders hitched slightly... their movement just as instinctive as her dutiful response. Becoming aware of her surroundings completely now, not having had that particular dream in almost a year, and remembering that she was no longer alone in her bed, and furthermore, someone was going to see her fall apart, Kathryn rose up as she felt the cool mesh of Seven of Nine’s left hand on her finely boned bareback and muttered, her voice coiled, “Excuse me.”

The captain shuffled with purpose for the privacy of the bathroom, dressed only in a pair of B’Elanna’s shorts, barely managing to get out her command for the computer to seal the door out of her mouth before she vomited into the toilet, which was standard practice after that particular dream.

Janeway had shut her lovers out in a similar manner once before when she’d learned that Ensign Samantha Wildman’s husband, the father of Kathryn’s adorable assistant, had left her, but this time, Seven and B’Elanna didn’t think First Regal Devin’s wisdom could help... nor were they certain that even together they could figure out what to do now. And silently, Seven of Nine and Torres chastised themselves for not having seen this coming since the moment Kathryn had waltzed into the bedroom the night before, they’d both had the feeling that something was definitely going on inside of Janeway’s complicated mind... and even though she’d been incredibly loving, attentive, selfless, and seemingly happy during their adventuresome evening, they’d both wondered several times if her demeanor was all an elaborate performance by one hell of a fine actress.


Rising up from the cold tile floor, where previously she’d sat with her head hung between her knees as steaming water beat down mercilessly on her neck, hiding the moisture pouring out of her burning, puffy eyes until she could no longer weep, Kathryn weakly pushed her hand to the knob in her roomy, dark shower to stop the flow. Then taking a few, deep, cleansing breaths as she braced herself with her hands against the wall, she finally stood up straight, smoothing her hair back. She flicked her hands to remove the water from them, and wiped her nose as she turned toward the shower door, saying, tentative, “Seven?” knowing that if Seven of Nine really wanted to, she could decrypt Janeway’s command code or simply punch through the sealed door and open it by more forceful means.

When no response was given from either her, nor her half Klingon partner, who she also figured could bust the door down if she got worked up enough, Janeway sighed with a mixture of relief and dismay, once again feeling like the worse kind of contradiction, then queried as she started for the glass door, “Computer, state the time,” her voice as rough as it had ever been.

While the sullen captain opened the shower door, the unfeeling computer stated, “The time is 0434 hours.

Since she figured she’d been in the bathroom for at least a half-hour, and more than likely more since it was quite possible it took her that long just to get her head out of the toilet and breathing normally, Kathryn sighed again as she snatched up a towel and quietly ordered the lights up to a quarter, knowing her eyes were far too sensitive at this moment to stand anything else. Once she was able to see a little clearer, she wrapped her body in the towel, tucking the top between her breasts to secure it and walked over to the sink. Not looking at her reflection in the mirror, knowing the sight of her current state would either shatter what little control she had left and more than likely send her into either an emotionless state or into a fervent rage, she snatched up her comb and carelessly pulled it through her almost shoulder length mane, ignoring the slight amount of pain that she caused when she pulled through several knots since she hadn’t applied her conditioner before she combed her hair. Then snatching up her toothbrush, she haphazardly cleaned her teeth, then spat into the sink and took a few more breaths after she rinsed her mouth, willing herself to focus.

She’d done this more times than she could count, but she hadn’t had to face another person directly after one of these guilt-filled episodes in many, many years, so bringing herself back to center... bringing back the captain wasn’t happening as easily as she believed it should. Sure, she’d been emotionally conflicted, severely before aboard Voyager, but almost all of those times had occurred while she was in the process of functioning as this ship’s highest officer, so the ever-present leader in her had always been close to her mind.

But these utterly private times were nothing like those moments, and typically she had several hours afterward to settle herself and put on her best command face before she had to speak with anyone. The last time she’d had to dig this deep within herself was practically ten years ago when she’d had a similar dream of her father one morning while staying at Mark Johnson’s apartment. Although that dream hadn’t been as bad as this one—truth be known, Janeway’s reoccurring dreams that starred her late father had increased in intensity and severity since coming aboard Voyager, and had since then turned into the same dream over and over—but she figured that situation was slightly worse since she hadn’t been able to simply run away from Mark and seal herself away. She’d had to fight with everything she had, while he held her hair back as she vomited, not to breakdown and finally divulge her most secret of secrets simply because she hadn’t been able to escape right away. Mark had always been her dearest, closest friend before she’d lost him, and he’d known everything there was to know about her, except for that one thing... that one thing which only less than a handful of the highest ranking officials in Starfleet knew, most of whom Kathryn knew were dead or she figured retired by now.

However, somehow, some way, she’d managed to fight the urge to release the burden of her secret on that early morning, and even though that was a very long time ago, on this morning, she had been able to run away from the two people left in the universe she wasn’t certain she could hide anything from... at least, not while in their presence... and not when it was personal. She certainly hadn’t had much luck keeping her love hidden from them, and she had shared and told them things about herself that she rarely told anyone, so there was a certain amount of fear within her that if she didn’t pull herself together immediately she’d tell people that love her, and more importantly, that depend on her to make the right decisions to keep them safe that she couldn’t make the call when two people’s lives hung in the balance.

Then thinking about that, and grabbing a hold of that thought as she grasped the edge of the sink and looked into the running water, she realized that was exactly what she needed to keep in mind. This evening she was going to have a conversation with B’Elanna, and during that conversation, she was going to have to get through to the ex-Maquis, and get her to trust that she, Janeway, not only could and would make the right decisions to keep them safe, and out of prison, but that she knew exactly how to handle the situation. And on top of that, she was going to have to convince Seven of Nine that she would see to her well being, and ensure that all of her medical and regenerative needs—including ensuring that the Doctor was not decommissioned and turned into some mindless tool so he could continue to assist her as her unique and delicate physiology adapted over time—would be met once they disembarked, and that she would have it all planned out long before they returned... and furthermore, that no matter what happened to her, or B’Elanna, that her mother would take her in and care for her just as openly and loyally as Janeway would if she was there. She had to convince both of them that there was nothing to fear, that she would make the right choices, and she would keep them safe...even if from afar.

Shaking her head, Janeway mumbled to herself, “You can’t be that selfish. They need you right now…they need you to be their captain…they need to believe in you, and how could they believe in you if you told them?” Inhaling and finally looking up in to the mirror, she finished, whispering, for fear Seven of Nine would hear her words over the water if she spoke any louder, “They couldn’t and then everything would fall apart…and you could very well lose them both.” Glaring at her own reflection, she whispered, hissing at herself, “You could lose both of them again if you let them doubt you…so pull yourself together and be their captain for Christ sakes.”

Janeway took a quick breath, then nodded her head once, terse, at her own reflection, relaxed her inhumanely tense shoulders and turned around. Not wiping all the emotion from her face, allowing a certain amount of distress to show since she knew if she walked out into her bedroom in full captain mode Seven and B’Elanna would see right through her and begin to worry more than she was certain they already were, she commanded the computer to release the seal on the door and opened it, hanging her head slightly and wrapping her arms around her torso, once again rallying her natural born acting abilities to guide her actions.

When she was greeted immediately by a dark, quiet room and a silver, stasis food container that was set directly in front of the door, Kathryn stopped dead in her tracks and closed her mouth that was opening in preparation to announce that she was coming out and that she needed a hug, since she was certain such a request would settle her companions worries that she was claming up and hiding behind her rank, which as Seven would say, was typical behavior. Before she picked up what was obviously for her, Kathryn glanced around, holding her right hand to the top of her towel out of habit, and said, “Hello…ladies?” toward the general direction of the living room, where the door was open.

But she was the only lady currently within the captain’s quarters.

Again sighing with a mixture of relief and dismay, Janeway said as she turned back to the bathroom and slipped off her towel while reaching for her robe, that was hanging on the hook near the door since she had never donned her nightgown last night, “Computer, locate Seven of Nine and Lieutenant Torres.”

“Seven of Nine and Lieutenant Torres are in Lieutenant Torres’ quarters.”

Tying her robe snugly at her waist, not at all surprised that that’s where her lovers were, especially considering the time, and hoping that they were at least getting some sleep, but figuring they were probably currently concocting their ‘game-plan’ about how to deal with her and make her feel better, which, as Seven would say, was typical behavior, Janeway knelt down and retrieved the small, circular tray, sighing. Before she opened it, she was certain she was going to need a cup of coffee to settle herself, so walking into the living room with her present, she set it smoothly on her desk and then proceeded directly to the replicator, completely by rote, not really even having to think about the movement she did it so consistently.

“Coffee…black.”

After a series of small beeps, the computer informed, “Unable to process request…item requires more rations than are currently available for this account.

Sighing and nodding her head slowly as she closed her eyes and pursed her lips, keeping herself from losing her cool since this was all her doing and not only did she believe that B’Elanna deserved the leather pants she’d replicated for her, and more, but she also believed that she absolutely shouldn’t complain in the least, Kathryn cleared her throat and said, even, collected…and slow, “Waaater…hot,” since their energy situation certainly wasn’t anywhere near terrible enough for them to have to force the crew to ration water as well. After taking a moment to stare at the plain, un-caffeinated, steaming mug, the captain snatched it up and brought it to her lips, mumbling, “You’re going to drink this and you’re going to love it. Period.”

While sipping her water, Janeway migrated back to her desk, stared down the silver container for a few moments while she fooled herself into thinking she was consuming the richest, darkest blend of coffee there had ever been. Then setting the mug down, she exhaled quickly, released the seal on the stasis field by pressing the tip down a notch and then pulled off the lid to find a PADD and much to her dismay, a steaming cup of coffee. Quickly, before she even let herself access the PADD, she snatched up the coffee and practically ran over to the replicator, not even wanting to get a whiff of the criminal beverage that she was certain she didn’t deserve. Practically throwing it into the device and tapping the sensor to recycle it, she exhaled with relief and started to turn around, but pivoted back to the device again when the distinct sound of the replicator producing an item was sounded.

Narrowing her eyes when yet another cup of coffee was produced, cursing the replicator under her breath for malfunctioning at this moment, feeling like once again the universe was purposefully testing to mettle, she forcefully pressed her finger to the sensor again and recycled it. But yet again, just as she was about to turn around, another cup of coffee was produced. Then placing her hands on her hips, Kathryn sighed as she looked up toward the ceiling, then barked as she realized what exactly was happening, “Goddammit, Seven!” knowing that her partially cybernetic Astrometrics officer was the only one stubborn and defiant enough to think of something like this…and probably the only one who could predict her actions so perfectly.

Kathryn waved her arm in disgust at the mug that was taunting her, then turned her back on it and returned to her desk, snatching up her water again, and picking up the data device with her free hand, knowing it was from Seven without even having to decipher a word since the former drone didn’t have an affinity for handwriting... it was simply too inefficient, and lacked any sort of cultural appeal. It was true that Seven, now more than ever, was reaching out of her humanity, but there were some things that she still found irrelevant.

Squinting in the very dim light, unable to make out the small text, Janeway sighed and requested that the lights be brought up to quarter. Then refocusing on the note, she squinted slightly again, pulled the PADD away from her somewhat, ignoring the little voice in her head that was pointing out her degrading eyesight, and read:

Kathryn,

From the data I have collected on you, I have come to the conclusion that you require 'private time.'

B'Elanna Torres and I have retired to her quarters. If you wish us to return, or need anything, all you are required to do is inform us and we will comply. You are, however, required to consume this beverage immediately. Comply.

Resistance is futile, and I love you--Seven of Yours

Ps: Although I will continue to rest on this day, I will be 'around' if you wish to 'talk.' We will return to this dwelling at approximately 1700 hours.

Shaking her head, the captain said, “I love you, but I’m not going to drink it,” as she opened the drawer to her desk and stuck the PADD inside, not having it within herself to delete it yet since it was a very rare day that Seven took the time to ‘write’ personal memos. Then gulping the rest of her water, she gathered up the tray and her empty mug and went back into her bedroom to recycle the items in her clothing replicator, certain if she tried to recycle anything in the food replicator, just another cup of java would be replaced, and she certainly didn’t feel as though she had the patience to try to reprogram the thing, since she was also fairly certain Seven had thought of that and had included some kind of backup program, which would override all of her attempts until she gave in and drank the “damned” coffee.

A second after the mug and the tray disappeared, as she figured she should have guessed, a fresh cup of coffee materialized in the energy grid of her clothing replicator. The captain sighed again as she leaned forward and rested her forehead against the replicator, shaking it until a small, but definite laugh came out of her mouth; whether it was sardonic or genuine wasn’t clear, however. Then pushing away from the device, she said, “Clever girl,” but once again, she made absolutely no move to comply with Seven’s wishes since she was still operating under the belief that she didn’t deserve it, and at this point, she was bound and determined not to succumb to any contrary desire she might have, whether it be to seek comfort in her girlfriends or in her liquid addiction. The fact that she knew she was going to have to go up to the Mess Hall to have her breakfast was also assisting her currently since there would undoubtedly be plenty of coffee there, so even though she wouldn’t be drinking as much as she was accustomed to each and every day, she wasn’t going to have to quit cold-turkey.

Janeway stopped in the middle of her bedroom as she placed her hands on her hips and looked around, trying to find something to do that would occupy her time instead of donning her uniform and heading off to the Bridge, not certain she was up yet for any kind of socialization. As usual, Seven of Nine had made the bed before she left, obviously not expecting the captain to return to it, and since the tidy Borg had been home all day alone yesterday, she’d done what was in her nature and straightened everything that she possibly could, so there honestly wasn’t anything in the way of housework that Kathryn could do. She figured she could begin reading Roxanne’s book so she didn’t keep it from her shy former officer for too long, but currently, she wasn’t in the mindset to be able to sit still for that long comfortably, and she knew if she tried, she’d end up just falling into her mind and contemplating practically her entire existence while she stared at the worn pages. Then pondering the time frame as she tapped her index finger against her hip bone where it protruded from her narrow frame subtly, knowing she had approximately an hour and a half to kill before she had to put on her captain’s face and tool off to the Mess Hall, she looked over at her closet, then allowed a half-smile as she pivoted cleanly toward it before she breezed inside.


“Move it, Cadet,” Kathryn recalled a machine gun like voice in her mind, that’s memory was more than twenty years old while the now forty-one year old captain strained as she continued to climb a long series of ladders inside the confines of her beloved ship, far away from prying eyes. “You aren’t gonna slide through my class just because you’re a legacy... now move your butt... on the double... one, two... one, two... move it, move it, move it!”

Now on Deck Ten, for the second time this morning—since after she’d dressed in her workout attire, she taken the lift down to Deck Fourteen, discreetly climbed into the Jefferies Tube and started her ascent, but because she’d been working out with Seven since almost of the start of their relationship, and had continued on her own recently when Seven had been too busy or tired to push herself, she figured she was close to being in the best shape of her life, so one time up the ladder wasn’t enough of a workout for her anymore—the captain focused on keeping her breathing in synch with her arms and legs as she continued to truck up the long ladder. Passing through the hatch that lead to Deck Nine, having commanded that all the hatches on this shaft be opened so her progress wouldn’t be impeded by having to stop for a few seconds and manually open them, Janeway grunted slightly as her forearms tightened at the extra strain due to her weakening hands. Then stopping for a moment to wipe her palms on her tank top and give them a moment to relax before she lost her grip, she looked up the chute as more memories of her first few months at the Academy bombarded her brain.

The physicality of the Academy had always been the most difficult part for this particular Janeway. Sure, she’d taken some dance classes and played tennis during her youth, but that was purely for recreation and had been something she’d done to appease her mother, more than for herself, so even though she’d always been ‘fit,’ she’d never been much of a physical person. While other children played outside, she had always preferred to stay inside and study math, theoretical physics as well as general science. And when she did venture outside, she usually had a book with her, and preferred to find a quiet, shady spot under a tree to express her imagination rather than pretend to be something she wasn’t, like the other children liked to do. Sometimes she’d feel adventurous and climb a tree so she could read undisturbed, but most of the time she wandered into the corn fields with her trusty canine companion and found a comfortable place to lie down a read, typically utilizing her large dog as a pillow for her head... although, it wasn’t like her friend minded.

The one sport that she’d always enjoyed had been swimming. However, after a failed attempt at making the middle-school swim team—since although she’d always been a strong swimmer, she simply didn’t have the upper-body strength to race, and win—which coincided with a devastating loss on the tennis court that she knew she could have won, she’d pretty much given up on sports altogether... and furthermore, stopped trying to make her mother happy, since it seemed at that time, and throughout the majority of her life, that that was nearly impossible to do. Before that day, Janeway had heard a few conversations that her parents hadn’t known she was listening in on where her mother had expressed her displeasure for how her father was pushing their oldest daughter to excel. Gretchen had told him that his focus on Kathryn was damaging Phoebe, and damaging Kathryn as well because not only did her mother feel Kathryn was an abnormally worrisome child, but she was also entirely too hard on herself. Gretchen went on to say that Edward wasn’t being fair, and that was especially true since he was gone so much, so he never really got to see the consequences of his actions. He was never around to see the oldest redhead get so frustrated over not being able to figure out an equation that she would storm out of the house with a book in her hand and be gone for hours at a time, then come flying back in, running up the stairs, mumbling that she’d figured it out. He wasn’t around enough to see the habits that she was developing as far as falling asleep at her desk and skipping meals on a regular basis simply because she was so busy she forgot, because whenever Daddy came home, everyone was on their best behavior while he was present, which wasn’t usually more than a month at a time, and there were typically four to five months between those homecomings.

It was in Kathryn’s nature to try to do it all, but after she lost that match, and proceeded to walk home, which was ten kilometers away, in the middle of a thunderstorm no less, she’d pondered the situation and decided to throw in the towel and focus on succeeding at what not only came naturally for her, but what pleased her father... her father the Starfleet officer... her father, Edward Janeway, the only son of a Starfleet captain who’d died heroically while fighting off a Klingon surprise attack when her dad was in his early teens... her father, who everyone respected... who everyone seemed to know, and remember.

So, that’s what she had done until she finally was old enough to enter the Academy, and that was when she was hit with her very first real dose of reality... the Academy wasn’t easy... not in the least, especially the physical aspects of it for her. And besides that, she also, almost immediately discovered a distinct trend: she was paid a great deal of attention to... and not all of the attention was good. In her academic classes, especially science, the professors seemed to single her out almost from the beginning. They introduced themselves, made references to how they knew her father, some of them her grandfather too, when they’d served with them and so forth, and typically not only gave her special treatment as far as giving her tours of places where actual scientists worked, but pretty much made themselves available at any time of the day to answer any questions she had. They certainly didn’t grade her any easier, but with Kathryn, there was no need for that. Her work was continually excellent and thorough, but because of that, and because she was a Janeway, she had doors opened up to her that she figured most students did not. On the other hand, there were also a few instructors, and students, that singled her out for the same reasons, but took a whole other approach to the situation. They instantly labeled her as weak, incapable of graduating without using her legacy status to skim through the toughest parts, and she quickly picked up the reputation for being ‘daddy’s little girl.’ Janeway was never quite sure what had caused that reaction since from the day she enlisted she swore to herself that she would never use her legacy as a crutch, and that she would do it all herself, and thus make her father proud... and she, still to this day, had never done that. But, it seemed she didn’t really have to because plenty of other people did it for her.

As the ‘drill sergeant’s’ voice continued to crack on her in her mind and Kathryn took a deep breath and then started up the ladder again, certain the strength in her hands had recovered enough that she wouldn’t slip and possibly fall to her death, she recalled on how one particularly trying field training day, she’d twisted her ankle enough that she’d thought at first she’d broken it. When she’d fallen to her knees on a fairly steep hill, and bitten down on her lips to keep from crying out in agony, the commanding officer that had seemed to have made it his life’s work to run her right out of the Academy, and who was taking up the rear of the pack to keep an eye on everyone, had not only dismissed her roommate, who’d stopped to help her, but had proceeded to seriously dress her down for being the most “pathetic excuse for a cadet” he’d ever seen. The now captain never knew who was responsible for what had happened next, but it was something she’d never forget, and it continued to motivate her to keep pressing forward even to this day... as well as remind her that a captain never abandons a crewmen, not for any reason.

They had been using a holodeck training scenario, and it was obvious that someone was watching because as she started to push to her feet, he had grabbed her roughly, dragging her up, ordering, “Get your skinny little butt up that hill, Janeway... your daddy’s not here to help you,” a somewhat familiar but unidentifiable voice had sounded over the communications system and ordered the officer to report to the control room. Right after that, the same voice had asked her if she needed medical attention since it was clear that she’d injured herself by the way she was standing, keeping almost all weight off of her ankle, but for some reason that she never could quite figure out, she felt like if she didn’t decline and at least make it to the top of the hill on her own, not only would she never live that down, but that her career in Starfleet would be over before it really even began. Thus, she’d shaken her head no, then turned and started back up the hill.

Halfway to her destination that day, she was literally dripping with sweat thanks to the extra strain and the pain, but not only was she more determined than she'd ever been, but most of the groups at the top of the hill were completely ignoring her, while the crew she belonged to cheered her on. When she was five meters from the top and her ankle finally could take no more, which forced her to sink down to her knees and crawl, two commanders appeared from behind the crowd, climbed down the hill without saying a word, helped her to her feet and assisted her up the rest of the way. At first, Kathryn had been devastated and furious, but before she could get anything out of her mouth, they'd addressed the crowd and reminded them that they all were on the same team and that the next time a colleague fell, despite the situation or their rank, it was their duty to assist them. They furthermore reminded those that were on the command track in each of the groups, which Janeway was not, that they should have been the first ones down that hill, and that if they wanted to command a starship they'd better get used to making certain everyone was out of harm's way before they were.

After that day, she not only never saw the drill sergeant at the Academy again, but none of the instructors that had given her problems with her legacy status had ever used that tactic to either tear her down or to push her harder. There had still been a lingering uneasiness with some of them toward her, but no one had ever made a real attempt to criticize her in that regard. To this day Kathryn had no proof, but she believed in her heart that her father had been in the control room on that day considering the decided change that occurred after that incident. There were several reasons for that, but the main one was that it was well known that although Edward Janeway was very well respected, he was considered something of a hard-liner, and she could easily imagine him tearing into the drill sergeant for daring to speak to, not to mention put his hands on, his daughter in such a manner and personally escorting him right out of his position, just to send a message to everyone else that he would not tolerate such behavior and would go on a personal quest to punish anyone who didn't comply and uphold Starfleet regulations. She honestly never believed that her father had made it known that he expected anyone to treat her differently than any other cadet; however, she knew, just by knowing him, that he expected them to treat her equally, as well as respect her simply for being a Janeway since it was no secret that he was a proud man and a proud father.

The Janeway clan had dedicated their lives to Starfleet for three generations now, and they'd been successful, loyal officers. Two of them had now died in the line of duty, and both had been given a hero's farewell, so although Kathryn had never made it her practice to wave around the Janeway family name like it were a flag, silently in her heart she felt the burden to carry the torch and then pass it along to her first born as well... silently she felt the special importance of being a Janeway and living up to what that meant.

Janeway had always planned to ask her dad one day when they were older if he had been there, and if he had thrown that man out of the Academy, but unfortunately, that was one question, of many, that would never get answered. She'd also never know if she could have made it up the hill on her own, but even though some days that didn't sit well with her, she was usually more thankful for the lesson she'd learned along with everyone else about the double-edged sword that was pride.

Passing through Deck Five and continuing upward steadily, pushing herself faster and faster as she surpassed each wrung, Kathryn's nose began to burn as she inhaled heavily and quickly through it, although, that was nothing like the fire that was within her muscles, or anywhere near close to the inferno raging inside her practically endless broken-heart. There were times, although they were few and typically far between, since October 21, 2360 that she'd found herself lost in a moment of true peace, unable to recollect the ungodly pain and loss she'd suffered on that day, but they didn't typically last very long because as soon as she became aware that she felt at peace, she also recalled why she hadn't before, and thus her moment of serenity was over. It was an endless cycle of guilt, regret, disappointment and uncertainty that had molded the redhead into what she was today just as influentially as her father had before that day... before he died. All in all, if she was forced to honestly say, she'd admit that that one day, that event weighed on her mind and affected her thought-processes more than any other. It had been with her when she'd decided to destroy the Caretaker's array, and when she'd decided to not skirt Borg space and go right through the middle of it; when she'd bargained with the Collective, when she'd attacked species 8472, and when she'd severed Seven of Nine; when she'd gone to rescue her after the Borg had reclaimed her, when she'd ordered the Doctor to operate on B'Elanna with the assistance of a Cardassian hologram, despite it being against Torres' wishes; when she'd decided to hide out in a nebula from the A.I, when she'd ordered Tuvok to shoot the intelligence when it accessed their systems, and when she'd been a second away from destroying it when she thought it had killed the blonde; when she'd decided to use the antimatter warheads on the Fynth... and it had especially been on her mind when she'd decided that instead of choosing between Seven and B'Elanna, she'd try to love and honor them both. She would never tell anyone because she honestly didn't think it mattered considering she did truly love them both, but at that moment, that night in B'Elanna's cabin, her fairly quick decision to go along with the threesome idea had been heavily influenced by the events of October 21, 2360.

It was why she'd been so upset at herself that she simply couldn't make a choice, which made her realize what was happening to her all over again. But, when the chief had told her of their 'plan,' for the first time in her life, she'd seen an answer to her endless paradox of indecision, and she'd latched onto that like it was her lifeblood because for some reason it seemed like that maybe, just maybe, if she could make this work... if she could love both of them and could make them happy, she could somehow make up for the other time in her life when she hadn't been able to choose between two people she loved.

And as determined as she’d been on the hill to reach the top on her own, was she determined to not only love B’Elanna and Seven for the rest of her days, she was determined to keep them safe... even if it meant she had to burn every bridge and break every rule. In this instance, Kathryn Janeway was going to use her family’s name... use her name... for all it was worth and more... and she was going to do it without pause, even if it meant saying goodbye to them both. She would ensure that they had each other, that they would be safe, and then, and only then would she even begin pondering how to save herself.


A moment before she stepped through the windowed doors of the Mess Hall, the consummate captain relaxed her shoulders and smiled fairly warmly, as she was well practiced in doing, while she breezed through the doors, carrying two report PADDs that she’d downloaded from her workstation. Modifying her stride so that it was light, cheerful, but still purposeful, Kathryn ignored the instant change her presence caused and proceeded to the kitchen counter, after making a very quick scan of the room to not only select the table she wanted to acquire, but see if B’Elanna and/or Seven of Nine were present. She hadn’t expected them to come to the Mess Hall today because she knew, they knew she’d be there today, and she figured they were staying away to ensure she didn’t feel obligated to be around them. Kathryn certainly appreciated the gesture, but again, such a happenstance left her feeling selfish and contradictory... considering it also left her feeling respected and loved.

As the conversations in the room automatically grew quieter, although not as much as they used to, and several officers straightened their backs some, Janeway waved modestly to Neelix, who was farther toward the back of the kitchen when he looked up from what he was doing, wiped his hands on his apron, habitually fidgeted with his hat and scurried to her position. Used to the attention Neelix paid her consistently, Kathryn greeted and answered his question, “Yes, I’d love some... thank you.”

Honestly not having expected the captain’s presence this morning since nothing trying had recently occurred with the crew, and he’d gotten very good at guessing on which mornings she would join everyone in the Mess Hall, of course he never let on to that, Voyager’s Moral Officer smiled and said, “Why don’t you go have a seat and I’ll bring out your breakfast... it will only take a minute or two,” as he handed her the mug of coffee.

Accepting the coffee kindly, but resisting the urge to gulp it down, Janeway continued her act to fend off any worrisome questions about how she was since, although she didn’t look dreadful, she’d seen perkier days, by holding up her PADDs while saying, “Thank you, Neelix... and make plenty please... I need some brain food this morning, I’m afraid.” As the man seemed delighted by that, most likely due to the fact that she wasn’t just requesting one scrambled egg, Kathryn winked at him, then pivoted gracefully, bringing the coffee to her lips and the PADD up to begin reading it as she migrated to a small table in the corner that was empty.

Sighing inwardly, with relief, that the conversations in the room seemed to be picking back up again, the captain slid easily into the chair and sat with her back to the wall toward the door. She would really prefer to sit facing the window, but she certainly knew she’d have to stay on her toes for a little while until she completely settled down, so she didn’t want to give anyone the opportunity to approach her without being able to prepare for the event. Honestly, she really wasn’t at all interested in the report she was reading currently since it wasn’t at all anything critical, and rather dry reading, but she hoped that if she looked busy, that would keep people from bothering her while she consumed her meal.

After a few minutes, just as she was finishing her first report, saving the lengthier one for last, Neelix stopped by her table with a plate of eggs, steamed veggies and toast. As he placed a napkin across her lap and started filling up her coffee, which not surprisingly was almost gone, Kathryn looked up to him as he smiled happily, and content, and before she let herself say anything about how much she appreciated him, and how much she was going to miss him since she had absolutely no clue what, if any, plans he had for the day when they returned, she swallowed down the comments, nodded her head and allowed softly, “Thank you, Neelix... I think when we get back I’ll make a recommendation to Starfleet that someone clone you so that all captain’s can be as lucky as I am.”

Chuckling softly and shaking his head, flattered, Neelix whispered before he winked at her and scurried back to his kitchen, “Nonsense, Captain... it just wouldn’t be the same... that is unless all the captains in Starfleet are as pretty as you are..?”

Janeway sighed at that, expelling the air from her chest quickly in surprise at herself for being surprised since the Talaxian was indeed the moral officer, and often times she got the feeling he went out of his way to try an make her smile, and ordinarily, such a comment would make her grin in endearment for the thought and modesty, but today wasn’t one of those days. However, considering she certainly wasn’t going let herself frown, she again forced a humbled, half-grin and then turned to her food. After staring it down for a few seconds, not really hungry, but knowing she had to eat now because she wouldn’t get another opportunity until probably this evening, she forced herself to pick up her fork and dig in, hoping that once she started feeding her body, her natural systems would override her stress level and demand that she continue. Considering the last time she’d eaten was yesterday afternoon during her picnic with Naomi, and that had only been half of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, she knew that she ought to be at least a little hungry with that fact alone. Add on that she’d been up rather late last night busy either making passionate love on several occasions, then doting on her lovers the rest of the time, and that she’d again been woken up a few hours before she normally rose, vomited... and that she worked-out fairly strenuously this morning, she figured she should be famished and capable of consuming a meal fit for her tall, muscular second officer, but that simply wasn’t the case, and she surmised she’d have to stay in the Mess Hall for a good two hours to finish all of this food.

After taking three bites of eggs and chewing them quickly before the taste of anything other than coffee on her palate soured her stomach more than it already was, Janeway took a healthy swig of the java, then sat back, crossed her legs and picked up the second PADD, willing her mind to stop slipping into the past and to concentrate on the text message.

During the next forty minutes, the captain had managed to eat a half piece of toast, two more bites of eggs, as well as an equal amount of her cooling vegetables, and each time her vision migrated from the tiny screen to her plate, she had to blink her eyes since she just wasn’t having any luck paying attention to her report, or keeping herself focused on the present. Several minutes later, realizing she had just read the same paragraph at least five times and still had no idea what the relevance of the report was, she sighed as she put the PADD down and raised her head to find that she was the only one left in the Officer’s Mess. Stunned at her own ability to be so completely oblivious to her surroundings, and fairly unsettled by that, which was displayed impressively well by the definite downturn of her lips, Kathryn snatched up her full cup of coffee, having completely missed Neelix refill it, and leaned back again, kicking her feet out underneath the table.

Once she’d taken several healthy gulps, having no idea how many cups she’d consumed, but figuring it wasn’t as much as she typically did since this cup was growing cold and it was clear she’d been lost in her own head for many minutes straight, the redhead set the coffee into her lap and looked down into it, no longer trying to put on a show since that seemed futile at this point, and Neelix was the only one around. She’d come to the Mess Hall late at night under similar circumstances, and other than making sure she had everything she needed and the knowledge that if she needed an ear to bend his were available, he always left her alone. And since they were in orbit and she knew that Fowler and Tuvok would take care of anything that needed to be seen to, she didn’t feel the need to hurry off to the Bridge, so she decided to quietly sit for a while longer until she worked this out of her system for the time being, knowing it was absolutely necessary if she was going to be able to be as strong and sure as she had a feeling she was going to need to be for tonight’s dinner and discussion.

When Neelix approached her quietly and asked if she was finished with her breakfast, Janeway looked up at him, gave him a saddened, regretful smile and said, coarse, as she pulled her napkin off her lap and set it over the food, “Yes, thank you... “ sighing, “I guess I wasn’t as hungry as I thought.”

Nodding, not surprised, Neelix responded, softly, “You’d think that after all these years I’d figure out how to make just the right amount of food, but I constantly make too much... so I certainly don’t have any room to complain.” When the redhead nodded at him and pulled her coffee cup back to her mouth as she looked into her lap, he offered, “Although, if you’re in the mood for something sweet, Sam and Naomi made some brownies for the lunch crowd yesterday... I still have plenty left.”

Janeway looked up slowly, and said, smiling weakly, “I’m sure they’re wonderful, but I swore an oath to my mother to never eat anyone else’s brownies.” Chuckling softly and shaking her head, the captain added as Neelix nodded in perfect understanding, “Thank you though... maybe I’ll take some back for Seven when I leave... I’m sure she’d enjoy them.”

“I’ll wrap some up for you,” Neelix offered and then turned to start away as Janeway gave her thanks and looked back down. Getting two steps from the table and stopping as he felt obligated out of duty and friendship to ask, the furry, spotted Talaxian questioned softly, facing her again, “Captain... is there anything I can do to help... anything at all?”

Sighing and closing her eyes for a moment, Kathryn didn’t bother to look up while she answered, shaking her head, “No, Neelix... you know I thank you, but it’s... “ sighing and finally looking up, she explained, “it’s not something that can be changed or fixed,” quirking her mouth somewhat wryly, “unfortunately.”

And as determined as she’d been on the hill to reach the top on her own, was she determined to not only love B’Elanna and Seven for the rest of her days, she was determined to keep them safe…even if it meant she had to burn every bridge and break every rule. In this instance, Kathryn Janeway was going to use her family’s name…use her name…for all it was worth and more…and she was going to do it without pause, even if it meant saying goodbye to them both. She would ensure that they had each other, that they would be safe, and then, and only then would she even begin pondering how to save herself.


A moment before she stepped through the windowed doors of the Mess Hall, the consummate captain relaxed her shoulders and smiled fairly warmly, as she was well practiced in doing, while she breezed through the doors, carrying two report PADDs that she’d downloaded from her workstation. Modifying her stride so that it was light, cheerful, but still purposeful, Kathryn ignored the instant change her presence caused and proceeded to the kitchen counter, after making a very quick scan of the room to not only select the table she wanted to acquire, but see if B’Elanna and/or Seven of Nine were present. She hadn’t expected them to come to the Mess Hall today because she knew, they knew she’d be there today, and she figured they were staying away to ensure she didn’t feel obligated to be around them. Kathryn certainly appreciated the gesture, but again, such a happenstance left her feeling selfish and contradictory…considering it also left her feeling respected and loved.

As the conversations in the room automatically grew quieter, although not as much as they used to, and several officers straightened their backs some, Janeway waved modestly to Neelix, who was farther toward the back of the kitchen when he looked up from what he was doing, wiped his hands on his apron, habitually fidgeted with his hat and scurried to her position. Used to the attention Neelix paid her consistently, Kathryn greeted and answered his question, “Yes, I’d love some…thank you.”

Honestly not having expected the captain’s presence this morning since nothing trying had recently occurred with the crew, and he’d gotten very good at guessing on which mornings she would join everyone in the Mess Hall, of course he never let on to that, Voyager’s Moral Officer smiled and said, “Why don’t you go have a seat and I’ll bring out your breakfast…it will only take a minute or two,” as he handed her the mug of coffee.

Accepting the coffee kindly, but resisting the urge to gulp it down, Janeway continued her act to fend off any worrisome questions about how she was since, although she didn’t look dreadful, she’d seen perkier days, by holding up her PADDs while saying, “Thank you, Neelix…and make plenty please…I need some brain food this morning, I’m afraid.” As the man seemed delighted by that, most likely due to the fact that she wasn’t just requesting one scrambled egg, Kathryn winked at him, then pivoted gracefully, bringing the coffee to her lips and the PADD up to begin reading it as she migrated to a small table in the corner that was empty.

Sighing inwardly, with relief, that the conversations in the room seemed to be picking back up again, the captain slid easily into the chair and sat with her back to the wall toward the door. She would really prefer to sit facing the window, but she certainly knew she’d have to stay on her toes for a little while until she completely settled down, so she didn’t want to give anyone the opportunity to approach her without being able to prepare for the event. Honestly, she really wasn’t at all interested in the report she was reading currently since it wasn’t at all anything critical, and rather dry reading, but she hoped that if she looked busy, that would keep people from bothering her while she consumed her meal.

After a few minutes, just as she was finishing her first report, saving the lengthier one for last, Neelix stopped by her table with a plate of eggs, steamed veggies and toast. As he placed a napkin across her lap and started filling up her coffee, which not surprisingly was almost gone, Kathryn looked up to him as he smiled happily, and content, and before she let herself say anything about how much she appreciated him, and how much she was going to miss him since she had absolutely no clue what, if any, plans he had for the day when they returned, she swallowed down the comments, nodded her head and allowed softly, “Thank you, Neelix…I think when we get back I’ll make a recommendation to Starfleet that someone clone you so that all captain’s can be as lucky as I am.”

Chuckling softly and shaking his head, flattered, Neelix whispered before he winked at her and scurried back to his kitchen, “Nonsense, Captain…it just wouldn’t be the same…that is unless all the captains in Starfleet are as pretty as you are..?”

Janeway sighed at that, expelling the air from her chest quickly in surprise at herself for being surprised since the Talaxian was indeed the moral officer, and often times she got the feeling he went out of his way to try an make her smile, and ordinarily, such a comment would make her grin in endearment for the thought and modesty, but today wasn’t one of those days. However, considering she certainly wasn’t going let herself frown, she again forced a humbled, half-grin and then turned to her food. After staring it down for a few seconds, not really hungry, but knowing she had to eat now because she wouldn’t get another opportunity until probably this evening, she forced herself to pick up her fork and dig in, hoping that once she started feeding her body, her natural systems would override her stress level and demand that she continue. Considering the last time she’d eaten was yesterday afternoon during her picnic with Naomi, and that had only been half of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, she knew that she ought to be at least a little hungry with that fact alone. Add on that she’d been up rather late last night busy either making passionate love on several occasions, then doting on her lovers the rest of the time, and that she’d again been woken up a few hours before she normally rose, vomited…and that she worked-out fairly strenuously this morning, she figured she should be famished and capable of consuming a meal fit for her tall, muscular second officer, but that simply wasn’t the case, and she surmised she’d have to stay in the Mess Hall for a good two hours to finish all of this food.

After taking three bites of eggs and chewing them quickly before the taste of anything other than coffee on her palate soured her stomach more than it already was, Janeway took a healthy swig of the java, then sat back, crossed her legs and picked up the second PADD, willing her mind to stop slipping into the past and to concentrate on the text message.

During the next forty minutes, the captain had managed to eat a half piece of toast, two more bites of eggs, as well as an equal amount of her cooling vegetables, and each time her vision migrated from the tiny screen to her plate, she had to blink her eyes since she just wasn’t having any luck paying attention to her report, or keeping herself focused on the present. Several minutes later, realizing she had just read the same paragraph at least five times and still had no idea what the relevance of the report was, she sighed as she put the PADD down and raised her head to find that she was the only one left in the Officer’s Mess. Stunned at her own ability to be so completely oblivious to her surroundings, and fairly unsettled by that, which was displayed impressively well by the definite downturn of her lips, Kathryn snatched up her full cup of coffee, having completely missed Neelix refill it, and leaned back again, kicking her feet out underneath the table.

Once she’d taken several healthy gulps, having no idea how many cups she’d consumed, but figuring it wasn’t as much as she typically did since this cup was growing cold and it was clear she’d been lost in her own head for many minutes straight, the redhead set the coffee into her lap and looked down into it, no longer trying to put on a show since that seemed futile at this point, and Neelix was the only one around. She’d come to the Mess Hall late at night under similar circumstances, and other than making sure she had everything she needed and the knowledge that if she needed an ear to bend his were available, he always left her alone. And since they were in orbit and she knew that Fowler and Tuvok would take care of anything that needed to be seen to, she didn’t feel the need to hurry off to the Bridge, so she decided to quietly sit for a while longer until she worked this out of her system for the time being, knowing it was absolutely necessary if she was going to be able to be as strong and sure as she had a feeling she was going to need to be for tonight’s dinner and discussion.

When Neelix approached her quietly and asked if she was finished with her breakfast, Janeway looked up at him, gave him a saddened, regretful smile and said, coarse, as she pulled her napkin off her lap and set it over the food, “Yes, thank you…” sighing, “I guess I wasn’t as hungry as I thought.”

Nodding, not surprised, Neelix responded, softly, “You’d think that after all these years I’d figure out how to make just the right amount of food, but I constantly make too much…so I certainly don’t have any room to complain.” When the redhead nodded at him and pulled her coffee cup back to her mouth as she looked into her lap, he offered, “Although, if you’re in the mood for something sweet, Sam and Naomi made some brownies for the lunch crowd yesterday…I still have plenty left.”

Janeway looked up slowly, and said, smiling weakly, “I’m sure they’re wonderful, but I swore an oath to my mother to never eat anyone else’s brownies.” Chuckling softly and shaking her head, the captain added as Neelix nodded in perfect understanding, “Thank you though…maybe I’ll take some back for Seven when I leave…I’m sure she’d enjoy them.”

“I’ll wrap some up for you,” Neelix offered and then turned to start away as Janeway gave her thanks and looked back down. Getting two steps from the table and stopping as he felt obligated out of duty and friendship to ask, the furry, spotted Talaxian questioned softly, facing her again, “Captain…is there anything I can do to help…anything at all?”

Sighing and closing her eyes for a moment, Kathryn didn’t bother to look up while she answered, shaking her head, “No, Neelix…you know I thank you, but it’s…” sighing and finally looking up, she explained, “it’s not something that can be changed or fixed,” quirking her mouth somewhat wryly, “unfortunately.”

Very familiar with those types of memories and heartaches since a long time ago his home planet and family had been destroyed by a weapon of mass destruction, which left him alone to his misery, the Talaxian asked as he continued to stand near the table, but looked out the window, totally changing the subject on purpose, having a feeling she needed a reminder of how remarkable she really was, “I’m curious...if you don’t mind...do you ever wonder sometimes if Kes remembers us…if she even is capable of those kinds of thoughts anymore?” Looking away from the window before Janeway could answer, he smiled and informed, “I think she does.” Then shrugging, he continued, “I don’t know, of course, but times like this…when it’s quiet and peaceful, sometimes I feel like if I could only concentrate hard enough I could hear her whispering to me.” Smiling again as the captain looked down into her cup, but didn’t say anything, Neelix went on, “We had so many good times in here…I remember, right over there,” he gamely pointed to the other side of the room near the window, “she kissed me our first year out here.” Chuckling happily, he explained, “We were inside that nebula that turned out to be alive,” he added, with emphasis and glee, “and I was going on about how crazy I thought you all were for taking us inside of it, but Kes,” he smiled again as Janeway chuckled and looked up at him, not at all taking offense, “she just loved it. That’s just how she was…curious about everything…loved everything. So,” he quieted as he looked down for a moment, “that’s how I can keep myself believing that she remembers us.” Back up to Kathryn’s thoughtful, forlorn face, he finished happily, but subdued, “That would just be like her.”

Smiling softly and turning so she could look out the window, resting her head in her palm, Kathryn practically whispered, which always seemed all she could really manage whenever she spoke of or to Kes’ memory, “Oh, I think she does…in her own way, however that may be…I think she’ll always be here with us, no matter how far we go.” Looking back over to Neelix, then back down into her coffee, Janeway finished, “I think as long as we remember…so will she.”

“I think so too, Captain…she loved Voyager too much to forget.” Sitting down next to Janeway, Neelix leaned close to her, placing his arm around her narrow shoulders, and whispered before he left her alone, “She loved you too much for what you did for her people to forget. I might not be a telepath, but I know that because I can feel it in my heart that it’s true…each and every day, I know she remembers us all…especially you.” Very familiar with those types of memories and heartaches since a long time ago his home planet and family had been destroyed by a weapon of mass destruction, which left him alone to his misery, the Talaxian asked as he continued to stand near the table, but looked out the window, totally changing the subject on purpose, having a feeling she needed a reminder of how remarkable she really was, “I’m curious...if you don’t mind...do you ever wonder sometimes if Kes remembers us... if she even is capable of those kinds of thoughts anymore?” Looking away from the window before Janeway could answer, he smiled and informed, “I think she does.” Then shrugging, he continued, “I don’t know, of course, but times like this... when it’s quiet and peaceful, sometimes I feel like if I could only concentrate hard enough I could hear her whispering to me.” Smiling again as the captain looked down into her cup, but didn’t say anything, Neelix went on, “We had so many good times in here... I remember, right over there,” he gamely pointed to the other side of the room near the window, “she kissed me our first year out here.” Chuckling happily, he explained, “We were inside that nebula that turned out to be alive,” he added, with emphasis and glee, “and I was going on about how crazy I thought you all were for taking us inside of it, but Kes,” he smiled again as Janeway chuckled and looked up at him, not at all taking offense, “she just loved it. That’s just how she was... curious about everything... loved everything. So,” he quieted as he looked down for a moment, “that’s how I can keep myself believing that she remembers us.” Back up to Kathryn’s thoughtful, forlorn face, he finished happily, but subdued, “That would just be like her.”

Smiling softly and turning so she could look out the window, resting her head in her palm, Kathryn practically whispered, which always seemed all she could really manage whenever she spoke of or to Kes’ memory, “Oh, I think she does... in her own way, however that may be... I think she’ll always be here with us, no matter how far we go.” Looking back over to Neelix, then back down into her coffee, Janeway finished, “I think as long as we remember... so will she.”

“I think so too, Captain... she loved Voyager too much to forget.” Sitting down next to Janeway, Neelix leaned close to her, placing his arm around her narrow shoulders, and whispered before he left her alone, “She loved you too much for what you did for her people to forget. I might not be a telepath, but I know that because I can feel it in my heart that it’s true... each and every day, I know she remembers us all... especially you.”


 

After dropping the plate of brownies off in her quarters, noticing that the mugs of coffee that were in the replicators were now gone and figuring that meant Seven had been by and returned her equipment to a normal state of operation, but not wanting to test it since she wasn’t feeling strong enough to currently resist the temptation again, Kathryn Janeway arrived on the Bridge close to two hours late. When Kim and Fowler both looked to her as she stepped out of the turbolift, but refrained from saying anything, and merely nodded then immediately went back to their tasks, Janeway didn’t bother greeting them or asking for a status report, and instead went directly to her Ready Room, hoping she could manage to put her mind to her work, but fairly certain she was just going to have one of those introspective days where she got next to nothing accomplished. She knew she had several things she had planned to see to today, but none of them were terribly critical and though it was true the captain neglected herself habitually, she wasn’t completely out of touch with her own needs, so she figured it was time to put everything away for a day and just concentrate on herself, and thus ensure that this evening and from that moment forward she could continue to make the correct decisions and stay focused on her objectives.

Stopping just in the seam of her doorway, she turned halfway around and requested of everyone, even and rather monotone for her typically melodic timbre, “Unless it can’t wait, I’d prefer not to be disturbed.”

Commander Fowler, the ranking Bridge officer, replied with a quiet, “Aye, Captain,” before Kathryn nodded and then entered the confines of her office.

When she looked over to her desk and saw a bundle of fresh flowers waiting for her, Janeway smiled softly, shaking her head while she migrated to the stairs that led to the upper deck, whispering, “Neelix... what would I do without you?” Snatching up her coffee pot, she went back down to the main level and over to the replicator, then sighed while she programmed the device to fill up the silver pot with hot water. After taking that back to her glass, oval coffee table and pouring herself a cup, she gathered up the two vases of flowers she kept up there, set them into the replicator and selected the program she’d written which removed the flowers, the old water and produced two clean vases half-full of water.

Now back at her desk, she tapped her finger to her workstation to log on while she pulled open her desk drawer to find the pair of pruning shears she kept in there as the replicator beeped and the computer said, ‘Unable to process request... item requires more rations than are available for this account.’ Looking over to the device, Janeway sneered, “That’s very astute... thank you for reminding me.” Then turning toward her flowers, she made a mental note to remind herself to modify the logic of the programming on her replicator so it would check her ration account before trying to process the request, just in case she ever felt impulsive again and cleaned out her account, she wouldn’t get a reminder every day. After taking a sip of the steamy water, she unraveled the tie that was holding a bundle of bright, pink, yellow and white Gerber daisies, smiling softly at the large flowers, curious as to why Neelix selected these instead of her typical tulips, but finding that she liked the change. They certainly weren’t as ‘elegant’ but there was a cheerful quality to these particular flowers that her normal preference didn’t exude, at least not to this degree, and because of that, and considering her mood, she thought they were a perfect selection. This wasn’t the first time Neelix had cut her something other than tulips, and in the last three years she’d displayed pretty much every kind of flower they grew in the Airponics Bay in her office, but typically she stuck to red and white tulips, and every now and again, Neelix would dress them up a little and send her a few purple ones mixed in. It was a strangely comforting ritual that she’d fallen into... that she’d come to depend on, and as she trimmed the flowers carefully and arranged them, she was struck yet again by a saddened feeling of impending loss.

No matter how much she missed Earth, missed her friends, family, colleagues, and just everything in general, there was also a distinct part of her that would miss what she’d found out here in the other side of the galaxy. She’d managed to find the greatest sense of family she’d ever known... a sense of loyalty that surpassed anything she’d ever believed possible... and sense of purpose like no other. There were events, small events, that happened every day or every week that would no longer be part of her life when they returned, even if everything went amazingly well and Starfleet decided to make them all heros. Sure, she could grow her own garden, or have flowers delivered to her place of residence every week, but they wouldn’t be the same. They wouldn’t be from Neelix, they wouldn’t be from the Airponics Bay... they wouldn’t be Kes’ flowers. They wouldn’t have the unspoken, secret sentiment behind them... they would just be flowers... and she wondered that when she looked upon them, if they would make her humbly content... or if they would simply remind her of what they weren’t, and thus make her despise them, rather than cherish them.

As she finished her task and took her flowers to the upper level, Kathryn started wondering about how many other triggers there were going to be in her life that would remind her of Voyager... or rather, the loss of what they’d built together. Starting back for the lower level to clean off her desk, Janeway sighed and shook her head as she realized that she was worrying about things she couldn’t possibly control... again. Wiping the small amount of clippings from her desk into her hand, she muttered to herself, “It’s not any different than all of the things here that remind you of home.” Now moving to her replicator again, she went on, “You were able to deal with that acceptably... maybe not perfectly, but you’ve done it... and you’ll deal with this just as well. It’s really not any different.”

Nodding to herself—having gotten over her unease with the knowledge that she’d started speaking to herself after her first year out here, several years ago because it wasn’t like she really had anyone else to talk to this openly, about private worries and concerns about her ability to adapt to a situation, since it really was bad practice to reveal those kinds of fears to crewmembers—the captain migrated back to her desk for a moment, retrieved her cup of water and her workstation and returned to the upper level. After setting down the laptop, Kathryn made herself comfortable on the blue-grey couch, half turned toward the window, resting her head in her hand while her elbow was propped up on the top of the couch. While she slowly sipped her water and gazed out the large bay windows, enjoying the extra illumination that was filtering into the room from the planet in which they were in orbit, she absently watched the Alaxiat float in its geosynchronous orbit on the other side of the planet, almost directly around the pole.

After a few moments of thinking about everything, and nothing since she couldn’t concentrate on any one idea, other than she felt definitely ‘off’, the redhead blinked her eyes several times, took a sip of her water and forced herself to turn her attention to her workstation, the captain in her reminding the woman that there were several things she was waiting to hear word on, and that before she proceeded to dream the afternoon away, she should responsibly at least check her messages. With a certain amount of relief, mixed with contrary withdraw, Janeway sighed soundlessly when four messages were logged as waiting to be accessed. Since none of them were priority, half of her was tempted to not open them at all and just wait until tomorrow, or at least later in the day when she was feeling much more like herself, but when she saw who some of them were from, her curiosity and ever-present concern stifled the conflicting emotions within her, and commanded that she at least peruse them. Starting from the top, and working her way down in order of priority and then time sent, she accessed the first one:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 

 

 

Captain--I just found out last night that Nick and Neelix are throwing a surprise birthday party for
Mommy. It's not tonight, but next Sunday at 1900 hours in the Mess Hall. Here is the data I've assimilated:

1. It's a secret.
2. You don't have to bring presents. Mommy says she doesn't need anything, but I made her a card
and I'm getting everyone to sign it. If you can't come, I'll bring it by tomorrow for you to sign if you want.
3. She'll be 30 years old. She isn't happy about that because she says that's old.
4. The Mess Hall is closing at 1800 hours that night, but Neelix will save leftovers for you if you want.
5. We are having cake and ice cream only because Nick is taking her to dinner in the holodeck so she
won't know about the party.
6. You can respond to this message because I know how to access my own now. Mommy won't find out
about the surprise. Ensign Kim taught me how to do this by myself and change it to words.

That's all I know right now, but if I find out something else, I'll let you know right away.--
Naomi Marie Wildman.

After having a small laugh at the cuteness of her assistance’s never-ending information ‘assimilation,’ Kathryn opened a reply. After sending Naomi a text message accepting the invite, thanking her for a job well done and questioning her as to if the dress was formal or casual, figuring Naomi would enjoy discovering that data as well, Janeway accessed her second message which was from Commander Tuvok. In it, he forwarded her all of the data he’d collected on the Carey situation thus far, informed her he would be performing a search of the lieutenant’s quarters, and wished to have a meeting with her once that was complete and she’d had adequate time to look over the evidence. Kathryn was automatically uneasy about the thought of having to search through someone’s personal space, but it wasn’t the first time he’d had to do so aboard Voyager, so she pushed off her displeasure with that whole situation altogether and merely scheduled a meeting with Tuvok for tomorrow since today was absolutely not a day for her to make such decisions unless she had no other choice. She knew she was feeling entirely too sensitive today, and it would be irresponsible for her to discuss such things with that kind of mindset. If she had no other choice, Janeway knew she could settle herself and take care of business without a problem, but because the situation wasn’t critical, and Carey wasn’t even on her ship anymore, it was best to wait until she had a clearer head, which she hoped would come with the dawning of a new day.

The next message was from The Doctor, in which he simply informed her that he and the chief would be discussing the portable regeneration unit power supply issue today, as well as telling her that he’d sent the relevant information regarding the project to Ensign Wildman, and was expecting her to report to Sickbay later this afternoon. He concluded by informing her that he was currently working on the emergency shutdown command, and hoped to have that completed by tomorrow evening, as well as the instructions of how to revive the Borg if it were ever used.

In her reply, Janeway merely thanked the hologram for the update, and informed him that she’d spoken with Seven of Nine last night about the contact nodes, and as she expected, Seven had been swift and sure in her response, and stated that she absolutely would not allow them to be re-implanted. Thus, she ordered him to get to work on the unit design that utilized her cortical node instead, and subtly informed him that the ‘debate’ was now over, and she would not tolerate any more speculation about the contact nodes being an option. Considering this certainly wasn’t a life-threatening issue, she doubted the Doctor would protest, but just in case he had planned to, she added that last part in hopes to save Seven from any further thoughts. She’d hated bringing it up last night, which had occurred about an hour after B’Elanna had dozed off, but because she knew Torres and Wildman would be working on the project soon, she wanted to get it over with before Seven heard about the possibility from someone else. Although, all in all, the conversation had gone fairly well, even if it was short-lived, and for once, Janeway hadn’t tried to play devil’s advocate or explore all the possibilities. The reason for that was simple, and it wasn’t because she didn’t personally want the contact nodes reinserted, it was because this was purely Seven of Nine’s decision, and even though she knew the blonde could be hasty and make snap decisions out of underlying fear of change, she also knew how strongly fearful of the Borg’s influence over her Seven was. The more distance Seven put between herself and her former life, and the more she opened up to her humanity, the more difficult the Borg’s continued hold over some of her systems were difficult for her to accept. Kathryn honestly believed the younger female did a outstanding job dealing with those kinds of pressures, so as far as she was concerned, if Seven didn’t absolutely need the nodes, and didn’t want them, then the discussion was over.

Seven’s fear of the Borg wasn’t something that they discussed because she knew the subject would make Seven very uneasy... simply because Kathryn knew Seven. Even if she didn’t have first hand evidence of some of the things Seven had done to ensure their safety from the Collective, she didn’t think she would be any less wiser to the situation because there were also plenty of other tell tale signs: her resistance to regeneration when she was feeling particularly tired or vulnerable the biggest one. Kathryn didn’t know what that was all about, whether she tended to have nightmares or recalled past experiences while she recharged her cybernetic systems, but whenever she could, Janeway made certain to pop in on her during those times and make just enough noise that she knew Seven would detect her presence. She didn’t know if her visits comforted Seven at all when she was having difficulty with her Borgness, but she hoped that just the knowledge that she was in the vicinity, and that Seven would remember that she wasn’t alone, could help her cope and keep pressing forward steadily as Seven of Nine always did.

So, last night, she’d merely informed Seven about the specifics of her discussion with the Doctor, although, only as far as the contact nodes went, and had asked her what she wanted to do, and as she’d expected, Seven had stated immediately, but not harshly, that she didn’t want her contact nodes returned, and that they would adapt without them. After that, the captain had merely promised her that that was what they would do and quickly distracted the Borg by giving her a bath and keeping the conversation far away from anything that had to do with the Collective, which Seven of Nine went along with easily... especially when that meant that she could splash Kathryn freely... which Janeway had anticipated her attempting to do, so she’d only grabbed a pair of Torres’ boxers to slip on in order to keep Seven from continuing to frown at the bruise on her hip, and to keep from getting her nightgown drenched by the sometimes very playful Borg. Kathryn found it funny that if B’Elanna splashed her as often as Seven of Nine did, she’d get rather cranky with the Klingon, but when Seven did it, she just laughed at the devious look on Seven’s face and then splashed her right back every time, which often made Kathryn wonder if that was why Seven attacked her to begin with since the Borg seemed to enjoy the water a little more every day.

Although, she figured that went both ways often times because if Seven of Nine threatened violence and cursed as openly, freely, and often as B’Elanna Torres did, she was certain she wouldn’t like that at all, but when Lanna did it, she hardly batted an eyelash anymore... although sometimes it certainly made her chuckle in endearment for some strange reason she could never figure out, but just accepted.

Before she opened the last message, she made a quick trip to the restroom to use the facilities and to give herself a moment to think because the last message was from her beloved ‘potty-mouth Klingon,’ and it was marked personal. Considering it was time stamped at 0915 hours, she had a pretty good notion what was in it since the only time Torres ever sent her a personal message anymore was when the Klingon felt Kathryn needed a pick me up. Typically they worked rather well, but today, not only was Janeway not certain whatever B’Elanna had to say would help, she was decidedly concerned it would only further her unease, since simply the purpose behind the memo made her feel depressed. As she washed her hands, the captain shook her head, yet again pondering how on Earth it was the she managed to end up with two of the most considerate and attentive lovers that ever existed, as far as she was concerned, and how they managed to put up with her. Finally drying her hands, she sighed as she exited the ensuite and stared down her workstation from across her office as she approached. Part of her was praying the message was just a simple show of affection, and part of her was hoping it was merely a short memo requesting information as far as if she was doing alright, although, she didn’t really expect that since that just wasn’t B’Elanna’s style. She typically ignored the point completely and tried to get Janeway to smile by either telling her a crass joke, or a story she’d heard, and never once did she ask for information or ask her how she was doing, and rarely did she show her affection, other than to send the memo in the first place. Face to face, Torres used completely different tactics to pull the redhead out of her mood, typically calling her a slew of petnames and teasing her about coffee overdoses, then reminding her how incredible B’Elanna thought she was, but in this realm, the chief mostly just tried to be a friend now that she and Torres had settled fairly comfortably into their romantic relationship.

She’d been rather comfortable with them both from the beginning, but it was true that it took her longer to get completely comfortable with her relationship with B’Elanna, since it was very different from her relationship with Seven... and she’d spent more time with Seven one on one than she ever had with Torres, and that was long before they came together. She wasn’t sure why that was totally, but it was true. Some days she’d thought it was because she and Torres had known each other longer and that B’Elanna had been involved with Tom Paris for nearly three years, and some days she thought it was because B’Elanna had a knack for getting around her defenses quickly and annihilating her command mask just by letting her emotions explode out of her. B’Elanna left her in awe all of the time... in awe of how she managed to hold herself together like she could when there was so much feeling and conflict behind almost everything that mattered to her. She also left her in awe of how she could just stop what she was doing, pull her close and kiss her, and Kathryn would not only submit without any contrary words, but afterward she typically had to leave the area before she blushed, while the Klingon shined them all on with her smile and cocky confidence. Torres just left Kathryn unsure of herself more than any lover she’d ever had... she left her sometimes defenseless and basically at her mercy... and she could make her furious faster than anyone she’d ever known. Since Kathryn had a feeling pretty much the same was true for B’Elanna with regards to her... it had taken her a while to realize that just because they had words over something, or one of them got frustrated and yelled, that she wasn’t to let that play on her mind and compare it to other past loves. Torres was Klingon, they liked to fight, and Janeway knew enough about herself to know that she enjoyed a good battle of wills every now and again too. It was just their personality, and she’d finally, just recently stopped worrying about the fact that they tended to be at each other’s throats more than she and Seven, and especially more than Torres and Seven. Despite what Torres said about how good at fighting B’Elanna and the Borg were, that wasn’t something that Janeway ever saw them do.

Sitting back down, Kathryn refilled her cup with more hot water, took a few slow sips, then mumbled as she set the mug down and turned toward her workstation, “This is ridiculous... it’s just a letter... it’s not going to bite you.” Then taking a final deep breath, she actually held it slightly as she accessed the following message:

Personal Memo from Lt. B'Elanna Torres to Capt. K. Janeway
Subject: Lookie
Red--Lookie what I found:

Yes, that's Nick...in her cowboy modeling days before she was Voyager's Tower of Power!

Betcha didn't know that about her, did you? No, I won't reveal my sources...you should know better than to ask me.

I've included the whole add in case you're curious. Don't lie, KJ...you know you are. Go on, touch the picture and take a peek...the picture at the end is at least worth a couple of days rations.

By the way, how much do you think we can get from her if we threaten to distribute this to Sam? Enough for a few emergency fixes, I bet. Qapla'!


 

Holding back another eruptive giggle fit as she waited for Fowler to tap her door call, Kathryn completely forgot about the purpose behind the ‘sneaky’ message Torres had sent her, which was the chief’s plan all along, and brought her cup of water to her lips to hide her smirk. There were several things about this whole discovery that were tickling the good captain, one of them most definitely being that although she knew Fowler was a very attractive woman, she had no idea she could be so “hunky,” and Kathryn had to admit when she got her first glimpse of the last frame of the slide, she smirked slightly at the undeniably appealing picture of her second officer. She’d seen Fowler in a similar outfit at Burnhouse, minus the hat but plus times five on the muscle, but there was just some quality to the pictures that enhanced her attractiveness and really captured her true personality, which Janeway was only just getting to know then. The ten gallon Stetson, the leather pants, and the ‘come hither’ look on Nicole’s face were also completely hilarious, as well as preciously memorable, and before she could think about that more, and realize that she was getting caught up in Torres’ caper, and furthermore that B’Elanna had successfully gotten her to smile despite her previous certainty that she’d fail this time, her roomy office was filled with the sound of her visitor requesting entrance.

Biting down on her snort again and straightening her slightly ruddy face, Kathryn cleared her throat from her desk, and said, clearly, “Come in.”

For the second time in as many days, Lieutenant-Commander Fowler tentatively entered an office after being summoned by her commanding officer, and said, “You wanted to see me, Captain?” as she then held her breath and stood in a semi-attention stance, more professional than not, even though her professionalism, although definitely present, was as humble as her easy personality... but in a wonderful way that she typically put people completely at ease... something that Janeway had never been able to accomplish without coming into contact with them or using her wit to make someone laugh.

Nicole wasn’t usually so uneasy around the redhead, but considering what had occurred yesterday with Carey, and particularly the clear dismal mood of Kathryn when she arrived on the Bridge and requested to be left alone, she honestly had no idea what to expect out of Janeway. Furthermore, even though her newest post was going better than she could have ever dreamed it would, part of her was still waiting for rug to be pulled out from under her feet... although, she figured that had sort of happened with the news of the Slipstream project. Due to that, and her uncertainty of how to operate around Janeway when she was in such an unhappy state, Fowler did what her instincts told her to do: be absolutely, one hundred percent dutiful.

Maintaining her composure, despite the fact that every time Nicole entered her officer, or wherever, and stood at attention with an easily readable, to the captain, look of worry on her angled, handsome face, Janeway usually made some kind of wise crack about easing up before she hurt herself, the captain nodded and said, plain, “Have a seat, Lieu... ” sighing, but not laughing, she amended, “Commander.”

“That’s alright, Captain,” Fowler said quiet and somewhat tense, “I can’t get it right yet either.” When Janeway allowed a small chuckle which sounded forced, the second officer added, hoping to lighten the mood some, praying this tactic wasn’t going to be looked upon sorely, “Maybe I should change my name to Lou in the meantime, though?” When Janeway didn’t seem to find that very funny and merely sipped her drink for a moment more, Fowler swallowed and decided to just remain silent and wait for the shit to hit the fan.

Clearing her throat, Kathryn started, “Something regarding you and a pre-Voyager... assignment... that you neglected to tell me about,” she explained, looking across to Nick, serious, “has been brought to my attention this morning.” When Fowler blinked, nodded once, but didn’t say anything, she went on, setting down her cup and standing, leaning forward on her hands so she was now higher than Fowler, “Now before I jump to conclusions as to why you would ever keep this sensitive data from me and lecture you about the trust relationship that is necessary between the highest ranking officers aboard a starship, would you care to explain this to me?”

As her heart rate continued to increase by the nanosecond and her brain worked overtime trying to figure out just what the hell Janeway had found out that would bother her to this degree, Fowler furrowed her brow and blinked several times in succession as the captain slowly turned her workstation around to face her. Janeway had pulled the two frames that showed Nicole from the advertisement and were displaying them separately so that the helmsman wouldn’t see that she’d gotten her information from B’Elanna, although she figured Fowler would figure that out soon enough, so it took the tall brunette a moment to realize what she was looking at, and furthermore, that Miss Kate had just pulled one over on her.

Expelling the air from her chest quickly and laughing, Fowler said, “Shit,” as she glanced up at Kathryn. When a definite, impish smirk met her gaze, Nick felt herself blushing fiercely, and when Kathryn finally burst out in another round of laughter, this one stronger than the first since Fowler’s reaction was certainly assisting her, Fowler began to laugh as well, although her was clearly more nervous. Standing up and shaking her head, moving quickly to the upper level of the Ready Room to pour herself a cup of java from Janeway’s coffee pot, knowing the captain wouldn’t mind in the least and definitely feeling the need to do something with her hands to keep herself from succumbing to her nervous habits, Fowler said, “Christ almighty, Kate... I thought for a minute I was going to be spending the night in the Brig.”

Fowler noticed immediately that hot water was coming out of the pot instead of coffee, but not making a comment for the time being and perfectly happy to drink that instead, Nick glanced over her shoulder and said to the captain, who had turned her workstation back around and was snickering as she continued to look at the pictures, seated once again, “I guess I had that coming, but I gotta tell ya,” standing up straight and turning around, “although you’re a mighty fine actress... something tells me the Klingon half of the gruesome twosome is behind this... discovery.” When Janeway looked up at her and merely cocked her eyebrow, Fowler nodded as she came back to the chair in front of the captain’s desk, “I know, you can’t reveal your sources... don’t bother, I’ve heard it aaawwll,” drawing out the word purposefully, “before.” Then hoping to deflect the impending questioning as Janeway sat back farther into her chair, still chuckling and crossing her arms over her chest, Fowler asked, “The Doctor didn’t order you to lay off the coffee... did he?”

Laughing softly once more, Kathryn shook her head, responding, “No,” but didn’t elaborate. When Fowler nodded, looked at her strange for a moment, then nodded again as if she caught on, but didn’t say anything further since she honestly wasn’t sure the reasoning behind it, but didn’t want to pry, Janeway smiled and said, “I had no idea you were so... photogenic,” she said politely, but smirked again, “Miss Fowler.” As Nicole blushed again and shook her head, then couldn’t help but scratch the back of her neck, Janeway laughed softly again, then said as she sat forward, “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to embarrass you. I think they’re rather... good... pictures, actually.”

Looking up at Janeway and sneering, Fowler rallied, openly, her native accent at full force now, “That’s a load of horse shit... and you know it.” Then laughing again and shaking her head, forcing herself not to blush anymore, Fowler leaned forward, set her mug down and said as she turned the workstation halfway so she could look as well, “Go on already... you can say it.” When the captain brought her hand to her mouth and started laughing again, Fowler said, “Here, let me help... ‘Come on down to Lousiana... where we make everything reeeeeal hot.’”

Kathryn wiped the moisture from her eyes that was brought on by her laughing fit while she responded as Fowler chuckled at herself and sat back, trying to put on an air of confidence, although it wasn’t as impressive as the emerald-eyed brunette’s usual posture, “Well, I’m sure the add was very successful.” When Fowler said, “Yea,” sarcastically, Janeway sniffled and asked, now not wanting to tease her pilot anymore, “When were these taken?”

“Uh... well, about two years before we came out here…I guess,” Fowler answered, relaxing too and simply smiling now, her easy demeanor returning steadily. Figuring Kathryn wouldn’t stop questioning her until she had the whole story, and knowing in her gut that B’Elanna was behind this, Nicole gave in and started to explain. She was also aware that Torres often felt it was her duty to cheer Janeway up, so knowing that evidence and having seen for herself the apparent bad mood her commanding officer was in before she received this information, Fowler figured that meant something was going on with Kathryn that she wasn’t privy to yet. Considering that, and the fact that she was still the first officer for a few more days, the commander gave in easily, hoping to also do her duty to assist the captain. There was also the fact that she and Janeway had become rather good friends, and even though her relationship with the redhead was much different than her relationship with the chief engineer, and even Seven of Nine, Fowler was usually fairly comfortable speaking openly and personally around her commanding officer... at least in these merry settings. When things were tense, and one or both of them were clearly upset about something, it wasn’t as easy, especially when Fowler was depressed and Janeway was being extraordinarily caring with her, but this moment had none of those attributes, so the conversation didn’t give her a moment’s cogitation.

“It was part of a campaign to get folks interested in volunteering for transfers to the base in New Orleans,” Fowler explained as she got comfortable. “They picked four of us that had grown up in the state and still kept our permanent residence there.” Shrugging, she said, “Normally, I’d decline since that kind of thing never had been my thing, but,” she chuckled, “let’s just say I’d owed a few favors to the local photographer who got the gig... so, I posed... and,” she laughed and shook her head, “low and behold, they picked me for the final cut since... ‘I emulated the regional ideal,’ whatever the heck that means... I don’t know.” Laughing along with Janeway, Fowler nodded and said, “Ah, I can’t really complain since,” she smiled crookedly, “I sure got a lot of dates after that ran.”

“Mmmhmm, I’m sure you did,” Kathryn came back, coy. Standing up and skirting her desk, preparing to refill her mug, the captain patted Fowler’s shoulder as she passed and added, “Nice touch with the hat, by the way... was that yours, or just a prop?”

Following Janeway up to the stairs after Kathryn gestured that she wanted to sit on the couch, the helmsman said, “No... no props. They just told me to wear what I wore at the Mardi Gras gig I played that year... well, except for the make-up and the blanket. Marty, the photographer, had taken some pictures that night and they were part of her portfolio that she gave to Starfleet.” Sitting down on the couch, she went on, “When they saw the pictures of me and my band, and realized we were Starfleet, that’s when they came up with the idea to use officers in the add.” Fowler shook her head while Janeway remained attentive and continue on with her anecdote, “It was pretty bizarre really. I mean... sitting in a chair and someone fussing over my appearance... the make-up, hair... the whole shootin’ match... which I tried to protest, but you can see how well that went over. I swear,” she laughed again, “I had no idea what I was getting into, but I really should’ve known, lookin’ back... Marty always did go in for over the top stunts. She was a real... in your face kind of girl... reminds me of Torres like that, or visa versa.” Sighing some, she finished, “When I saw the final product, I was sure they’d never use them since it just seemed too... well,” she wiped her nose absently, embarrassed, “too much like Starfleet was using sex appeal as a recruiting tactic... but, like I said... can’t really complain. Plus,” she smiled softly, “the local places where I played got a bit more exposure and traffic after that... and that was real nice to see. It was real nice to give a little back to the community... and, even though some of the press was a little controversial for a few weeks, people caught on that we’re just good folks who like to get together and have a good time... so it ended up being really good for the area.”

“I never knew you were a local celebrity?” the captain responded happily, but seriously too.

Shrugging modestly, Fowler said, “My folks were big community activists... not totally Traditionalists like yours, but they worked real hard to give back to the community and give it that down home, close-knit, Southern feel... but without being exclusionists. They welcomed everyone with open arms... really made everyone whether they lived there their whole lives or had just arrived feel like they were part of the town. It’s not really a wonder why they choose to adopt rather than have kids of their own... even though they could... that’s just who they were.” The much taller female cleared her throat softly as she went on, “When they passed, the whole town took it hard, but they were really great to Jess and me. I couldn’t have done it without them. So, after that,” she shrugged, “I tried to kind of fill their shoes.” Laughing softly as Janeway grew quiet and looked down into her mug, Nick said, “I don’t know how well I did... but it was fun. So, after that add ran, everyone from Shreveport, where I grew up, was ecstatic... you know, hometown girl makes it big... that kind of thing. They didn’t seem to care either way... they were really supportive, so when some of the press started coming in about the... uh... suggestiveness of the add, they pretty much thumbed their nose at everyone.” Laughing louder and slapping her knee, she informed, “The mayor of Shreveport was quoted as saying in my defense, ‘I’ve known Nick and her family for years. She’s an upstanding treasure to this community, and I, for one, couldn’t be more pleased that they selected her as the face of Louisiana. I certainly can’t think of anyone else who deserves such an honor... expect for maybe my lovely wife, of course.’” Snickering as Janeway looked up and smiled at that, Fowler said, “Well, after that, everyone pretty much shut the hell up... frankly. I’m not sure if that was the press that Starfleet was going for... but it worked, and right before I left, we were almost at full capacity at the base... fourth only to Sydney, New York and San Francisco. I think people really got a feel just from the news reports of how loyal we are down there... and I think a lot of folks appreciate that kind of closeness in a community.”

Janeway nodded easily at that while she stated, “That was always what I missed most about home when I moved to San Francisco... not so much at headquarters, but whenever I was out and about in the city. It took me several years to adapt to that feeling... of not knowing everyone that passed me.”

“Honestly, other than seeing my kid sister,” Fowler smiled happily, certainly not trying to bring Janeway down and believing that they had gotten over their previous uneasiness about that subject, “that’s what I look forward to the most. I mean, don’t get me wrong, Voyager feels just like that... but you know, getting back to those folks that I grew up around... might be nice to settle back in the country instead of staying in New Orleans. It’ll be real nice to see how they’re getting along, I imagine... visit the places I used to go when I was a kid.” As Kathryn nodded and hummed her agreement as she sipped her water, the commander asked, “What about you... I mean, I know you don’t know yet, but are you be planning to stay in San Francisco?”

Allowing a lop-sided grin, the captain answered, “Mmmntmm.” Taking a rather deep breath, she said as her voice grew higher while she exhaled, “No, I think it’s definitely time to go home to the ranch for a while. Besides,” she chuckled softly, “I highly doubt my mother will let me do anything else, but,” she added, breathing again, softening her voice, “it’s all speculation, and I’m sure I’ll be terribly busy for a while with debriefings and those things, but I’d like to make that home base for a while.” Smiling somewhat devilishly, she reminded, “And since it’s a technology restricted nature reserve, it’s about a safe of a haven as there is... as far as tourism and press go since I’m sure we’ll all be getting plenty of that when we do return. By the way, that reminds me,” Janeway started up again as Fowler snickered and nodded her agreement, sitting forward and setting down her mug, “I want you to know, if it ever becomes too much and you just need to get away, you’re always welcome.” Seriously, she added, “I mean that, Nick... you’re part of this family just as much as anyone.” Purposefully, she added, “Samantha and Naomi too... the three of you are more than welcome at any time... we’ve got a huge old house, and a little guest house... and plenty of land to camp on,” she smiled.

“Smooth, Kate,” Fowler said, softly looking down at her hands. Then sighing, she went on, “That’s real nice of you... and I appreciate that, but once this all does get out, do me a favor,” looking back to Janeway, “and make that offer to them yourself... without mentioning me.” Shaking her head and looking down, she informed, “That’s just not something I feel I can or should do.”

Even though Kathryn didn’t completely agree, she certainly did understand the reasoning, so she responded surely, “Alright... I will.”

“Now, don’t get me wrong,” Fowler smiled, speaking to Kathryn’s face again, “I’d honestly think I’d really like being able to do that, but,” she sighed, “it just wouldn’t be fair to her... not to mention,” she smirked, “it would mighty presumptuous of me.” As the redhead looked at her as if she wasn’t so certain she agreed, Nicole nodded her head and said, “It would... it would be selfish of me since even though the timing of all of this stinks to high heaven... we’re not really anything to each other... other than... well... friends with benefits.” When Janeway just held her stare, Nick amended, “Okay, so probably a little more than that... but not enough to ask her to make those sacrifices.” Shrugging her square, broad shoulders, Nicole sat forward, leaning in her forearms on her knees as she played with her fingers, and said, “Maybe that will change before the big day... but I doubt it, and I’m not gonna push, ya know?” Looking over at Janeway, she smirked and reported, “I’ve got too much baggage to make those kinds of requests. She deserves better... and she deserves to call the shots... not to compromise. She and Naomi deserve that. Maybe when things get settled and cool down after we get back we can see where we’re at, but,” looking back at her hands, she finished, “I’m not going to push... nor am I going to hold my breath.”

“By baggage... you mean Francis?” asked Janeway quietly, hoping she wasn’t being too nosey.

Not taking offense, and honestly appreciative of the outlet since every time she talked to Torres about the situation anymore, B’Elanna basically told her to forget her elusive ex-fiancée and concentrate on what she had right in front of her, although she wasn’t quite that direct and certainly wasn’t harsh, but that was basically the gist, Nick nodded, then said, “Yea. I don’t know... this whole thing with Sam has kind of given me a new perspective... sort of, but,” she sat back and crossed her arms over her flat chest, “yea, I’m gonna look’er up. I don’t know what I’m gonna do, but I pretty sure I’m going to contact her... even if just to close the lid on it. I don’t know honestly... part of me thinks that if I do find her... and do see her face to face... it will be just like the first time.” Shaking her head, Fowler sighed and said, “I honestly haven’t a clue how it will go down, but considering after all this time she’s still a factor, I think I owe it at least to myself to see where we stand.”

Unable to lie, even if this Francis Sheldon could throw a serious wrench into her plans of keeping Naomi close to her, Kathryn responded quiet too, “I think you’re probably right.”

Somewhat surprised, just because Torres would undoubtedly not agree, Fowler looked over at her and allowed, “Yea?” When Janeway nodded, while she drank her water, Fowler smiled and laughed some, explaining, “Please don’t take offense, but sometimes,” she smiled more, “I honestly can’t figure out how you and Torres manage to get along at all.”

Kathryn chuckled, mostly to herself, and reported, understanding, “Lanna and I have very different philosophies about some things... past relationships being a big one.” Setting down her cup so she could talk with her hands, Kathryn reclined into her sofa as she went on, “My darling Klingon doesn’t just burn bridges... she likes to leave them in ruin so they’re completely impassable, so, I’m sure she wouldn’t agree with me. Seven probably wouldn’t either since they’re rather similar in that regard, but Lanna and I have had much different experiences. None of my past relationships have ended harshly, and even though they were never a part of my life afterward, if I ran into them on the street, it certainly wouldn’t be unfriendly... maybe slightly awkward, but that’s natural... so I can’t really relate to Lanna’s outlook. Although,” she smirked, “she’s been involved with quite a few more people than I have... many of them,” the captain chose her words carefully, “questionable characters... so I’m sure that’s part of it.”

Curious, Fowler sat back, turned more toward the captain and asked, smiling, “You mean to tell me that there aren’t any Kathryn Janeway hate camps back home?” Before the captain could answered Nicole snickered and said, “I don’t really like to burn my bridges either... but let’s just say I’ve scorned a few women in my day. Although,” she qualified, “I’m not a cheat... just tend to run the other way once ‘I love you’ is spoken... and,” she smiled, shyly, “I got a bit of an early start and pretty much…uh,” she wiped her nose again, “sowed my wild oats ‘til I met Fan,” she almost slipped and referred to the woman by her nickname “... Francis.”

“Oh, I’m sure there are several,” the captain acknowledged, lightly, not making any comment about Fowler’s ‘adventuresome’ youth, “but none in that regard. I’m not really the heart-breaking type.” When Fowler laughed and informed the redhead she didn’t believe her, Kathryn sat forward and said, “It’s true... I’ve never ended a relationship... well,” she sighed, “not like that.”

Truly shocked, Nick replied, “Get outta here... really? Shoot... I’m surprised.” When Janeway looked over and up at her, uncertain as to what that meant, Fowler informed, “Not that I think you’re the love’em and leave’em type... but, you’re definitely above the bar in smarts, successful, honest, beautiful... I just can’t see anyone dumping you. Pretty bad move on their part, if you ask me... well, you know what I mean... not taking into account that you’re not in Kansas anymore.”

“Well, thank you,” the redhead said softly, chuckling at the joke, “but I’m also a Starfleet captain, and there are reasons why most of us are forever single. We tend to be too stubborn, too driven, too bound and entirely too absent for most people to handle. Although,” she smirked, albeit it was somewhat sad, “that was never really a factor in my past relationships... maybe a little with Cheb, but that was really just a bad match all around, and we both figured it out rather quickly.”

“I can’t believe there’s no one at home,” Fowler informed, unknowingly, “that’s going to get a their poor heart broken when they get a load of you now, but like I said,” she added quickly, “I always had you pegged as married with children... two or three, in fact.” When Janeway looked down into lap and laughed somewhat, although she suddenly seemed incredibly sad, Nicole frowned and asked, “Is this bothering you?”

Sighing, Kathryn forced herself to relax and make light of the situation by reporting, “No... let’s just say,” looking up at Nicole, “Samantha’s not the only one who got a Dear John letter three years ago.”

Fowler sighed heavily and said, “Lord, Kate... I’m sorry. I didn’t know that,” inwardly kicking herself for hating Janeway for so long since the more she found out about her, the more she learned just how much Kathryn had sacrificed personally by saving the Ocampa.

Smiling softly, Janeway said, “It’s alright. I certainly can’t complain... for obvious reasons. He and I were always better friends than lovers anyhow... although, I’d be lying if I said that sometimes I don’t miss him, but we grew up together, he was my best friend... so that’s to be expected. Hearing he’d married someone else certainly didn’t make me jump for joy, but as the years wore on I realized that I was clinging to our relationship purely as a safety net... and not because I honestly was devoted to him. He was my excuse to keep from becoming involved with anyone, not to mention it felt like if I let him go... then I was giving up on any hope of getting home early. So, of course, I had my concerns as to what the crew would think if I did move on... what the repercussions would be since I think it was pretty common knowledge that I was engaged... thanks the rumor mill.” After a beat, she went on easily, “I still had them three years later, but I think I had a little better grasp on what the crew could and couldn’t handle... and you know the rest. And,” she finished with apparent pleasure, “I think the crew, in general, has adapted fine.”

“Christ, am I ever dense,” Fowler mumbled, realizing how very little she knew about what it meant to be a captain, as she sat forward and poured herself and the captain more water. Then thinking about that, she looked over to Kathryn and asked, “You want some coffee... it’s on me?”

Biting down on her tongue, Kathryn shook her head as she snatched up her hot water, forcing herself not to scowl at it as she said, “No, but thank you... help yourself though.” When Fowler looked at her in question, the captain ignored it and asked, “What about you... I recall you saying something about having a girlfriend when you left... did you get the ole heave ho too?”

Deciding to have some juice instead of coffee, sensing that perhaps Janeway wasn’t supposed to have any today and not wanting to make it anymore difficult on her, Fowler laughed as she stood and started down the steps, “Maybe... but my letter was one of the ones that didn’t make it through.” Looking over to Janeway from the replicator, she smiled and said, “It was a good thing... trust me... because I’d rather not know. Vegetable juice... large.” Then taking the glass out of the grid, she went on, “Although it’s unsettling, not knowing for certain, I know in my heart the folks back home would have taken Jess in and made sure she was alright... and I honestly don’t believe Teresa, the girlfriend, would have kept her. She wasn’t really responsible enough... and we’d only been together for a few months... it certainly wasn’t serious.” Laughing somewhat, she climbed the stairs and admitted, “I didn’t really like her all that much, truthfully... but,” she smirked, “she certainly was... ” she kept herself from saying something she worried Kathryn would take offense to, remembering that she wasn’t speaking to Torres, “a pretty lady... and a singer... and,” she stated the obvious as she sat down, “I’ve always had a weakness for those.”

When Kathryn didn’t do anything but smile genuinely and continue to pay attention, Fowler took a sip of her drink and said, figuring that meant Janeway didn’t want to talk about herself, which was typical... most of the time, so the commander went on just talking, “You know now, looking back, I figure I deserve a good swift kick in the tail for waiting so long to ask Sam out since I had eyes for her from the first time I saw her. Although,” she smiled, “like I said, I’m not the cheating kind... and she was married... I even met her husband that night, but she certainly was... something else.”

Intrigued, the captain raised her eyebrows, questioning, “You met her husband? Where?”

“On Deep Space Nine,” Fowler explained. Smiling honestly, she sat forward and informed, “Now, see here... this is top secret stuff.” After Janeway nodded, and sat forward as well, not saying anything but figuring Nicole understood that she wouldn’t divulge the context of the discussion, Nicole informed, “Well, like I said, Teresa and I weren’t serious... at all... so when I saw the display with her picture and that she was gonna be performing the night before we left, I made sure I got there plenty early so I could grab a spot close to the set. Of course, I didn’t really expect anything to come of it, but,” she smirked, “you just never know... and I like to stack the cards in my favor when I can.” As Kathryn laughed soundlessly at that, not at all surprised, Fowler shrugged and said, “So, I watched the show and shoot dang!” she laughed, being silly and rather rowdy on purpose as she slapped her leg and sat back, “Kate... between her pipes and that dress... I was two shakes away from breakin’ all my rules... not to mention making a complete ass out of myself.” While Janeway chuckled and sat back as well, smiling, the brunette went on, “So, there was a little get together afterward, but I didn’t introduce myself right away... just kind of hung back and watched. I guess I wasn’t as subtle as I thought,” she laughed, “since she came right up to me... in that whiplash inducing dress, mind you,” pointing at Kathryn, “asked me how I was gettin’ along, if I was enjoying myself and apologized for forgetting my name.” Laughing, mostly to herself, Nick shook her head and admitted, “You’d have thought she’d walked up to me and smacked me right in the face... I didn’t know whether to scratch my watch, or wind my butt.” When Janeway covered her mouth and started giggling at Fowler’s story-telling, Nicole smiled, laughing at herself and added, “I wasn’t at my smoothest, let’s just say. So, I managed to set the story right... as far as forgetting my name and explaining that I was a musician and going to be on Voyager so I thought I stop by. And just as I was turning on the charm and about to ask her if she wanted to dance,” she snapped, “up walks the Mister with a bouquet of roses and steals her away from me.” Still laughing and shaking her head again, she continued, “That’s when I met Wang... guess my disappointment was pretty clear because he came up to me, patted my back in commiseration and informed me not to waste my time since she was taken... hitched t’boot. So, that was that and I high-tailed it outta there.” Smiling softly to herself and scratching the back of her head, she said, “She certainly was dynamite that night, though... I’ll never forget that.”

Not asking Fowler why she’d waited so long to pursue Wildman since she was pretty certain it was because it took Nicole so long to accept her fate aboard Voyager and try to make a life for herself, Kathryn smiled and asked, “And you’ve never told her that story?”

“No... I mean, she was there, so she remembers meeting me, of course, but,” Fowler smiled shyly, “I don’t know... just seems best to leave some things unspoken... at least for now.” After a beat, she narrowed her eyes to the redhead and asked, “You’re not gonna show her those pictures, are you?”

Laughing, Janeway said, “Of course not... but,” she smirked, as she was hailed by Ensign Kim, “Lanna might.” Then looking up instinctively as she tapped her communicator and Nicole cursed under her breath, Kathryn cleared her throat and said, “Go ahead, Harry.”

“Sorry to bother you, Captain,” Kim started since not only had Janeway seemed unusually displeased, but Fowler had been in her officer for quite sometime, “but Commander Chakotay is asking to speak with you. He says it can’t wait.” p> “That’s fine, Mister Kim. Send it through to my workstation, please,” the Captain responded as Fowler downed her juice and took it to the replicator, preparing to leave. Then standing and meeting Fowler at the edge of her stairs as Nicole thanked her for the chit chat, Kathryn said, “My pleasure, Nick... thank you for indulging me... and don’t worry,” she continued, shaking her finger over her head as she started to her desk, “your secrets are safe with me, but like I said, you’re on your own with our Klingon ambassador... she’s out of my jurisdiction, I’m afraid.”


 

After a brief and professional conversation with her first officer the revolved around how to deal with the Carey situation, for the time being, and to clear up a few personnel changes he wanted to make, Kathryn, who was feeling decidedly better since her conversation with Nicole, managed to ride the pleasant wave that she’d found herself in and get several hours of work completed. Even though she had only had to leave the confines of her quiet office a few times, she’d been able to focus her thoughts purely on her duty and now, it being just a few minutes before 1600 hours, she had just finished making preparations for a survey away mission so her scientists could go collect their soil samples, and was about to turn to her last unread report when her door call sounded. Still pretty much in her efficiency mode, although the unexpected arrival of a visitor had done enough to snap her out of it that when she looked at the time display she was legitimately shocked it was growing so late in her shift, Kathryn looked up at her door as she said, “Come in,” and silently hoped it was merely someone to drop off a report because she realized at the rate she was going, she might actually finish early today. However, when Samantha Wildman appeared in her doorway and stepped inside, Kathryn immediately forgot all about that and asked, standing, “Ensign... everything alright?” since Wildman had come to see her, unprompted, only twice in the last seven and a half years. The first time was when the xenobiologist informed Janeway that she was pregnant, and the second, was just a few months ago, to thank the captain for being so generous with her time, as far as making plenty of it for Naomi.

Somewhat stalled by the greeting, Wildman blinked for a moment, then nodded, while she said, “Yes, Captain... I’m sorry, is this a bad time?”

Sighing, Janeway smiled at the look on Samantha’s face and said as she skirted her desk, extended one arm toward the ensign, explaining, “No... not at all. You’ll have to forgive me... it’s been one of those days, I’m afraid... I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop.” When Samantha nodded and said she understood, Janeway squeezed her arm softly, then said as she patted it and started for her couch, “Let’s go up here... I need a change of scenery anyhow.” Halfway up the stairs, she questioned over her shoulder, “Is this about Seven’s portable alcove?”

“No, Captain,” Samantha responded, then added quickly, “but I can give you a report on what we’ve done so far, if you’d like.”

As Wildman sat down, leaving plenty of space between them, the captain replied, “That’s not necessary... I can wait for the Doctor.” When Samantha bobbed her head, but didn’t go on right away and proceeded to look almost as nervous as she did when she first stepped into her office all those years ago and informed the redhead that soon she’d have a newborn baby as part of her crew manifest, Kathryn reached for her coffee pot, poured a cup of hot water for them both and said, softly, “Something tells me this is personal.” After the blonde affirmed that, the captain handed her a steaming mug and asked, hoping to lighten the mood, “You’re not jumping ship... are you?” When Samantha finally smiled and shook her head no, Janeway reached across the couch, and patted her leg while she said, “Well good... what’s up?”

Before she lost her nerve, Wildman set down her drink, snatched Janeway’s hand up into both of hers and said as the captain froze and seemed suddenly dreadfully worried, “Captain, first of all,” she sighed and looked down, “I want you to know how so very much I appreciate all that you have done to make this ship the best possible home that it can be for Naomi. You know,” Samantha glanced up again, then willed herself to hold the captain’s still worrisome stare, “she just loves you, all of you really, but you mean so much to her. So,” Samantha took a quick breath while Janeway held hers, “if it’s alright with you, and if it’s not I understand, but I’ve been thinking about changing my will... and for the time being, I’d like to make you her guardian in the event that anything ever happens to me.” As Janeway blinked several times in succession, then had to look down, the ensign explained quickly and nervous, “I understand that this puts you in an awkward, and possibly compromising position, Captain, but I have to think about what’s best for her... and even though I know Neelix would take her and care for her, he doesn’t have any family ties back home... and her father,” she sighed, “well, he doesn’t even know she exists, so I can’t just give her over to a perfect stranger. And like I said, she just loves you and Se... ”

Sniffling some, and shaking her head, Janeway finally looked up and said, stopping Wildman, “You don’t really think I’d want it be any other way... do you?” When the ensign stopped speaking, then smiled and sighed with relief, Kathryn squeezed Samantha’s hand, and said as she took a quick breath to steady herself and think this through clearly, “But,” she sighed again, “I can’t responsibly let you do that, Samantha... well,” she added quickly when the ensign seemed confused, rightfully so, “at least not to that extent.” Retracting her hand and wiping her nose quickly, sniffling quick, Janeway explained, “If you want to put in your will that in the event that something were to happen to you, that I would be considered Naomi’s legal guardian while she is aboard Voyager I don’t have a problem with that... and of course, I would take care of her... and be honored to do so, but,” she sighed and stated softly as she sat back, “in the event that we were to reach the Alpha Quadrant before she was old enough to look after herself, it would be terribly irresponsible of me to allow you to do that without being honest with you... and the honest truth is, I don’t know what’s in store for me. More than likely my first months back will be filled with chaos and debriefings... and that’s really best case scenario... and that’s only me. B’Elanna could be detained for a time and unable to look after her, and I’m sure Starfleet will want to speak extensively with Seven about the Borg.” Sighing and looking down as she folded her hands in her lap, Kathryn said quietly, “As much as I wish I could promise you that I could look after her... there are so many things that will be out of my control that I’m afraid it could be a dreadfully difficult time for her.” The captain lifted her head and finished, “There are a million unknowns... things I can’t possibly predict the outcome of... not responsibly... not when a child’s well being is at stake.”

The ensign smiled softly as she informed, “I’ve already considered all of that, Captain... and I’ve spoken with Neelix and Nick about this too, and they’ve promised me that if we were to get home and the three of you couldn’t look after her, then they would be happy to share the duty until you could, but legally, she would still be yours and that’s how I would prefer it.”

Flabbergasted and humbled, Kathryn stared at Samantha for a few beats and then had to ask, “Why?” not only to make doubly certain Samantha was certain, but the captain honestly needed to understand herself why Wildman would trust such a responsibility to her, above all others.

Beginning to feel better about this conversation and not so much like she was talking to her captain, but just rather a woman who loved her daughter, Samantha explained plainly, “Because you’ll do what’s best for her... always. I know that because that’s what you do now... even right here, when it was breaking your heart to say no, you did it anyway and explained why you shouldn’t be given that responsibility.” When Janeway looked down and shook her head in wonder and humility, Samantha informed, “So, if that was your only concern, I’ve already considered it... and I’d still like to do this... I still think it’s best for her.” Very quietly, Samantha allowed herself to think about the worst and explained as she looked down, “She would be devastated if... if I died, but I know in my heart that as long as you were there with her, she’d be alright... and that’s,” sighing and looking up at the captain, “well, that’s the most important thing to a mother, Captain. I have to know that she’ll be looked after and loved like she was your own flesh and blood... an although Nick, Seven, Neelix... I know they would do that too... this is my only child I’m talking about and I have to put her in the best hands possible... and those hands are yours, Captain... I’m certain of it and you prove that every day.”


 

As their sniffles turned to laughter many minutes after Wildman answered the captain’s question, which lead to Janeway hugging her ensign before she lost her nerve, or cried while informing the somewhat stunned scientist that she had never and never would be more honored to be given such a duty, Kathryn snickered as their conversation progressed into lighter subject matter as Samantha informed her Fowler was a dreadful “fibber” and that she had already guessed that there was going to be a surprise birthday party for her, but that she planned to keep up the act like she hadn’t a clue. Taking a sip of her water, Janeway shook her index finger in the air and said as she pulled the mug from her pale lips, “I don’t think Nick has learned yet to stop underestimating the cunning of a scientist... but give her some time, I’m sure she’ll come around.”

Unable to help herself, since Nick Fowler was currently her favorite topic of conversation, and having a feeling that Janeway didn’t want her to leave until they were both settled and at peace with the previous revelation, Wildman said, seriously but with endearment, “Believe me, Captain... she hasn’t... not at all.” Then giggling somewhat as Janeway chuckled mildly and sat back, crossing her legs and resting her cup in her lap, the ensign turned more toward Janeway as she reported, “Although, I’m not complaining because she’s awfully cute when she’s clueless. You should see her try to ask me about how my work is going... coming out of her mouth it sounds like she’s trying to speak a foreign language... but she’s so sweet, since she asks anyhow, even though she knows she’s going to get teased.” Chuckling some herself, although it quickly became more of an silent, introspective sound, the ensign looked down for a moment, then cleared her throat as she reached for her water, “It’s kind of funny, actually. I’ve always dated scientists... or at least that was their main focus, and she never had... until now... so sometimes I know she’s just indulging me... but like I said, she’s sweet.”

Sensing somewhat of an opportunity to gain some information on Wildman’s mindset, Kathryn turned more toward the blonde, rested her head in her hand, hoping to relax Samantha completely in order to keep her talking. It wasn’t that Janeway was being nosey, per se, but she was indeed a scientist, as well as a planner, just like Samantha, and she honestly wanted to gauge what the chances were of Fowler and Wildman staying together, and all that that entailed, so she could work out her own ‘game plan’ as to how to keep all of them, especially Naomi, close to her. Of course, if she didn’t feel Wildman was interested, then she certainly wouldn’t push or be demanding, she simply wanted to drop subtle hints here and there, and remind Samantha that there were possibilities as far as settling that she didn’t believe the blonde had considered yet. And, truth be known, she’d knew that one of the happiest things she could ever do as a captain would be to marry those two since for some reason, to Kathryn, they just seemed perfectly complemented.

Even though she already knew the story, Kathryn asked, “I’m curious, if you don’t mind me asking... how did you two meet?” since she’d only heard Fowler’s rendition of the events and she thought that was the best jumping off point.

Thrilled that Kathryn was asking because she hoped that meant Janeway was becoming more comfortable around her and would stop staying away from future double-dates on her, Sam’s, account, and also figuring if she spoke with the captain she might get over her unease as well, and possibly gain some much needed information about Fowler, considering the tall commander wasn’t very forthcoming with specific details on how she felt about their future, and lately tried to change the subject by charming Samantha with her unique, humorous personality until the blonde couldn’t resist, Samantha smiled and answered, “I don’t mind... it’s a funny story, actually... both of them.”

Quirking her mouth, Kathryn said, “Both?”

Wildman nodded, and explained, “Well, the first... the very first time we came face to face was on Deep Space Nine... I think it was the night before we disembarked. Um,” turning a little shy, Samantha reported, “well, long before I ever picked up biology and entered Starfleet, I was a classical music student... since I was six years old, actually. So, anyhow, that was something that I’d always enjoyed doing and had continued with up until then. So, once or twice a month while I was stationed aboard Deep Space Nine, I would sing at Quark’s. It was good for business,” she smiled, “so he didn’t mind... even if my voice bothered his ears.” When Janeway frowned at that, Samantha added quickly, “I’m a soprano... so I assume the he was sensitive to higher pitches.” Once Kathryn nodded in understanding and stopped scowling at that thought of someone informing Samantha that her voice bothered them, Wildman smiled softly and said, “So, like I said, I was singing that night, and since it was a fairly open setting, I could always see everyone, which I really prefer... and,” she smirked, “right away, I noticed her. She was right up front, off to the side, by the wall. I knew I’d never seen her before because well,” she chuckled and shook her head, “honestly, I think she’s sort of unforgettable... even in uniform.”

Janeway chuckled knowingly and said, “Quite,” although thinking more about the pictures she’d seen today, and oh so very tempted to show them to Samantha, certain the ensign would love them, but resisting since that really wasn’t her style.

Relaxing more now, Wildman continued, gamely, “So, after the show we had a small gathering... sort of like a kick-off party for mostly the Science department since honestly,” she smiled, “if you didn’t know this…we were thrilled when we learned you were our commanding officer since we’ve all studied your work…but anyway,” she went on when Kathryn laughed and shook her head in disbelief, “um…she’d stayed around... and,” she laughed, not ashamed in the least, “after a while when I noticed that she wasn’t really talking to anyone... and after I caught her eye for like the hundredth time, I finally got the nerve to go up to her.” More seriously, she explained, “My husband hadn’t shown up for the show... again,” she rolled her eyes, “which really ticked me off since I was heading off the next day... so,” she shrugged, “I decided to go introduce myself since she at least seemed interested. I certainly didn’t expect anything to come of it, nor was I looking to have an affair,” she smiled, “but you know, it had been a great show, I was really excited about being shipboard again, and I really just wanted to forget I was disappointed and have some harmless fun.” When Janeway just smiled and didn’t seem the least bit judgmental, Samantha went on easily, laughing again, “So, I came up to her and apologized for forgetting her name.” Covering her eyes for a minute, Wildman admitted, “I can’t believe I used a line on her... and a bad one... and goodness,” she pulled her hand away to see the captain smiling and seeming to be completely enjoying herself, “I was so nervous because she was so... well, frankly, sexy... and tall... my word, but,” Sam shrugged again, “she was sweet and pretended not to see right through my lame attempt to find out who she was, and we got to chat for a few minutes. Honestly,” she smiled, looking down, “I guess it’s a good thing my husband did show up because just after talking with her for a few minutes, I was about two seconds away from asking her if she wanted to dance.” Sighing for a moment, Sam shook off her melancholy and added as she looked back up, and after she sipped the water, “Well, he distracted me long enough by bringing me a dozen roses and apologizing for missing the show, that when I looked back over my shoulder to see if she was still around, she was gone.”

Before Janeway could comment, Sam admitted softly, looking over at Janeway, “You know, years after that, but before we connected again, I often wondered about that night... what was going through my head, exactly.” Shaking her head and pulling her shoulder-length hair behind her ear, she explained, “Greskrendtregk, my ex-husband, and I had really been... just off... for over a year, and at the time, he’d attributed that to my constant moving about, and I tried to explain to him that there just wasn’t a lot in the way of work on a far out space station for a xenobiologist, so that was why I was constantly going on small missions, here and there... just so I could get my hands dirty with some real work. I’m not sure if that was all of it... but it was certainly part of it. But, after we talked about it more, we’d decided to start a family, which certainly would keep me busy, and it would also appease his family.” Shrugging quickly, Wildman added, “Plus, since he’s Katarian, and they age so much faster than us, if we didn’t start soon, we’d never be able to have children of our own... and that was something I’d always wanted. Well,” she laughed and shook her head, no longer sad about that situation, “that wasn’t going well at all... and his parents were adamantly against using technology to assist us,” she rolled her eyes again, “so we’d pretty much given up... and I know I was thinking maybe to take that as a sign and get out while I was still young... and I think he was thinking that too.” Sighing and shaking her head, Wildman said, “I’m a scientist... but the irony of how I got pregnant that night... the night I met Nick,” smirking, “the night I realized a few things about myself that I hadn’t known before... and was on the brink of leaving my husband and best friend... it doesn’t escape me. Sometimes,” she laughed and shook her head at herself, “it seems like fate now. Maybe I’m just getting wistful in my old age,” she joked, which caused the captain to chuckle, “but I really feel like it was meant to be now... but maybe that’s me just trying to explain my happiness... since it certainly wasn’t how I planned it to work out. And sometimes,” she smiled, “I just think I got lucky... twice.”

Resisting the urge to question Wildman about her happiness and have her explain that to her in detail because Kathryn really did think that was entirely too self-indulgent, and reminding herself to just accept what Samantha was saying as truth and revel in that knowledge that yet another person wasn’t dreadfully unhappy out here in the Delta Quadrant, Janeway smiled and asked, lifting her chin, “So, when was the second time?”

Blushing somewhat and laughing at herself, Wildman sighed in mirth, before she responded, holding her hand to her forehead and shaking her head, “Well, of course, we’d bumped into each other several times here and there, but not only did I have my hands full with Naomi, I wasn’t ready to really move on yet since Naomi changed all of that, so nothing ever came of it. She was also really elusive, especially since she worked the third shift, so it wasn’t very often that I saw her. But,” she smiled, “after she took over for Paris and started hanging around B’Elanna, we started to see each other a few times a week. It was just here and there still though, but around that time was when I’d made the decision that Naomi was old enough to understand that her father and I weren’t married anymore... and I really felt ready to begin again. I wasn’t sure where to start really, but again, maybe it was just luck... or fate,” she smirked, “but right when I was realizing that and ready to do something, she just started popping up all over the place. And then,” she laughed, “about a week before Seven’s birthday party, I was walking down the hall, past Engineering, and out walks Nick Fowler... all tall, tanned and... gorgeous,” she giggled, shaking her head, “just like always. We nodded at each other, very business-like, and continued on our way, but,” she smirked, “this time I finally got the nerve to look back.” Covering her eyes and laughing, Wildman said, “And I should have known because just as I had stopped and was smiling at her back as she walked away, she turned and looked over her shoulder... and caught me. God,” she laughed along with the captain, “I was mortified since I was clearly checking her out... I mean, that much was given, but she just smiled that way she does, nodded politely and went on her way like nothing had occurred.” Shaking her head and relaxing her slight embarrassment, Sam sighed and said, “Well, I didn’t see her again until Seven’s party... and you know how that went. And a few days after that night, she asked me to dinner.”

Hoping she was being subtle, the captain advanced with her plan of attack, “Well,” she smiled as she leaned forward and set her cup down on the table, “if purely for the story alone, I hope it works out.” When Wildman merely nodded and gave her soft thanks, Kathryn completely changed things up, figuring if she pressed, she’d be obvious, so she asked instead, seeming completely at ease, “I’m curious, hypothetically speaking, of course, what are your plans for when we return to the Alpha Quadrant?”

Surprised by the question, the ensign sighed and said, shaking her head, not wanting to give Kathryn the wrong impression, “Honestly, Captain... Nick and I haven’t talked about that. We don’t really have that serious of a relationship... nothing to that extent, I mean... ”

Shaking her head, Janeway remained perfectly comfortable to assist Wildman as she explained, “Oh, no... I’m sorry... I meant you and Naomi.” When Sam sighed, somewhat embarrassed, the captain went on cleanly, “I know you used to reside on Deep Space Nine but I was just curious as to if you’d given any thought to relocating?” When the ensign looked over at her with a inquisitive look on her face, Janeway smiled and admitted, just not the whole story, “Forgive me if I’m being too presumptuous, but one thing I’ve learned out here is that you just never know when things will happen, so I was merely curious as to what your plans were... so I could keep in touch Naomi in the event that we suddenly found ourselves in the Alpha Quadrant.”

Understanding now, and starting to get the feeling that there was definitely more going on since Seven of Nine had questioned her recently about the very same thing, Wildman decided before she jumped to conclusions, she should just answer the captain’s questions and try to gather more evidence. Remaining calm even though her mind was now working it way quickly up to Warp Ten as she started to put all of the pieces together, Sam said, “Well, I never really liked Deep Space Nine and I think Naomi has spent plenty of time in space for the time being, so I’m fairly certain I’d relocate to Earth. I’m from a very small family that’s disbursed all over the Federation, but my parents apparently moved to Shanghai recently... ”

“Shanghai... my word,” Janeway butt in, but not unkindly and exasperated, “that certainly is a big city.” Hoping she wasn’t offending, the captain explained quickly, “I’m from Indiana... or the sticks, as B’Elanna’s fond of calling it... but I remember the last time I was in Shanghai... I,” laughing mildly, “well, I honestly didn’t quite know what to do with myself... there was so much to see and do.” When Samantha smiled and told the captain she’d have to take her word on it, since she’d never been there and had only spent a very small amount of time on Earth while at the Academy, Kathryn asked, tentative, “Is... Shanghai were you plan to go?”

“No, I don’t think so... at least not permanently,” Wildman said easily. “It’s what I had in mind though... that is until just recently.” When Janeway raised her eyebrows at the somewhat dubious answer, Samantha explained plainly, watching Kathryn’s reaction closely, “Seven asked me the same question yesterday at lunch, and when I told her I was thinking about going to Shanghai, she explained to me that was, and I quote, “Unwise for Naomi since she would undoubtedly feel overwhelmed in such a metropolis.” As Kathryn seemed stunned, then smirked and looked down for a minute, Samantha went on, “I explained to her that such a big city wasn’t my first choice, but I wanted to keep Naomi on Earth since I figured the three of you would be there... and I didn’t want to move to a city where I didn’t have any family... mostly for Naomi’s sake.” Smiling, she said softly, “I think you can guess where this is going, Captain... ”

With endearment, Janeway shook her head and mumbled, “I should’ve known she’d beat me to it.” Then looking up, she smirked and answered, “Yes, I’m sure she told you all about the agricultural reserve I grew up on and suggested that since it’s a close-knit community and the schools are small enough that Naomi’s advanced needs would be met easily, and she could grow and learn at her own pace.” When Samantha smiled and nodded just once, then added, “And don’t forget, she’d be close to the both of you,” Janeway sighed and said, honestly, “Samantha, I’m sorry if I’ve come off like I have some kind of proprietary interest in your daughter... and I promise you, I haven’t discussed any of this with Seven... she,” Janeway smirked, “simply has this knack for reading my mind... it seems.” Before the ensign could say anything, Kathryn added, “I certainly have no say so in how you choose to live your life or raise your daughter, nor is that the point behind all of this... I simply,” she sighed, the shook her head, “well, I’d honestly miss her terribly... and, of course, I feel partly responsible for the circumstances of how she’s had to live and adapt, thus far... so, naturally I was concerned about how she would get along since Voyager is the only home she’s ever known.”

“I understand completely, Captain,” Wildman began, softly, “and you certainly don’t owe me an apology for thinking of our best interests.”

Feeling rather excited, Janeway asked, “Does that mean you’ll at least consider it... or at least come by and have a look around?” Then adding quickly, worried all this was giving everything way, she joked, “Well, of course, that is as long as we get home before Naomi’s the captain.” When Samantha laughed and shook her head, Janeway said, “You know,” she smiled, “it’s a very nice place to live and work for a life scientist. Certainly, there would be some things you couldn’t do, but a handful of Starfleet facilities are within a five minute shuttle ride away where you could conduct more technical research... since there are restrictions on the reserve itself... as far as technology is concerned... but the community is wonderful... very close... everyone knows everyone.”

Samantha bit back on her tongue to keep from asking the question that was just begging to be asked, as far as what was prompting this topic of conversation since she didn’t feel it was her place, in the least, to ask such things of her commanding officer, but she certainly did plan to go straight to Seven after this was over and question her. And if she didn’t get answers from Seven, then she’d just have to go to Nicole, but come hell or high water, Wildman was bound and determine to find out what she wasn’t being told... because if it meant what she thought it meant, that was going to throw a serious kink in her plans to keep Fowler as a part of her and her daughter’s future. Nodding, the ensign said, “That’s very thoughtful of you, Captain... of course, if and when that day comes... I’ll consider it. I’m sure Naomi would just love that.” Then using that as an excuse, she set down her water and said, “Well, unless there was anything else, Captain... I really should get back. I have a few things I’d like to do before dinner time.”

“Oh right, dinner,” the captain said on the next beat, blinking and recalling that she had to be moving along too, “yes, of course.” Standing and extending her hand, feeling rather proud of herself, actually, Kathryn said, “Thank you again for trusting me with such a honor and for the delightful conversation. We should do this again sometime.”

“I’d like that, Captain,” Wildman shook the captain’s waiting hand, gently. When Janeway reached out and patted her arm, Samantha added, “Just do me a favor and don’t tell Nick... or B’Elanna,” she laughed, “about my love at first sight story.” Trying to make light of it, she included, “She already has too many things she can hold over my head about that night anyhow... especially the awful dress I was wearing.”

Smiling and giving her final pat, Janeway nodded as she informed, “Your secrets are safe with me, Miss Wildman... on my honor.”

“Thank you, Captain,” Samantha said as she turned and started away. Then remembering there had been another reason for her to stop by, she pivoted as she asked the redhead, while she migrated to her desk, “Oh, and Captain... unless you’ve changed your mind about joining us tomorrow night... is it still alright for Naomi to come over to your cabin?”

Having forgotten all about that, and now partially sad she wouldn’t be attending because now that she, and Seven, had at least ensured that the Wildmans would consider staying close once they returned Janeway was preparing to concentrate on getting Fowler and Samantha to stop keeping their true feelings from each other, Kathryn said as she stopped behind her desk, but didn’t sit, “Certainly... she’s always welcome, but,” she smiled, “next time it’s double-date night, do me a favor and give me a couple of days warning so I can adjust my schedule accordingly. I don’t know about you, but,” sitting down and tapping her workstation to take it out of standby mode, needing to just finish up a few very small tasks before she logged off, the captain smirked, “I think it’s high time Voyager had a good old fashioned, girl’s night out.” Kathryn certainly was aware that she was currently contradicting herself, but not only had she gotten to know Samantha a little better today, she now could look up on the evening as sort of a mission, of sorts, and that sat better with her than did self-indulgence. There was also the fact that it certainly would make her lovers happy, so all in all, she thought that it really was the least she could do to continue to try an be a better partner, and if she lost some of the comfort that came with her keeping her distance from non-senior officers, well, she’d just have to get over it and adapt.

“I couldn’t agree more, Captain... I’ll make sure Seven and I plan the next one.” Then quickly, before she lost any more time, Wildman turned and exited the captain’s office. Sighing silently with relief when Fowler wasn’t on the Bridge—since considering there wasn’t a whole lot of anything currently happening on Voyager, she wouldn’t at all be surprised if Nicole stopped her before she could get away and asked her if everything was alright, since it certainly wasn’t every day that Wildman spent almost an hour in the captain’s office, and then asked her if she had plans for the evening—the ensign made her way quickly up the stairs toward the turbolift. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to see Nicole, in fact, there wasn’t a time recently that she could remember not wanting to see the ship’s second officer, but she did absolutely want to see Seven of Nine immediately and find out just what was behind all these questions about home. She’d rather question Seven first than Fowler because Nicole was higher ranked and she didn’t want to put her in a tough position if she had to. Plus, Seven was her confidant, and the person she went to first about almost everything these days, so as the Borg would say, she was the logical choice.

Once inside, Wildman queried the computer as to the location Seven of Nine, and once she was given an answer, she selected the appropriate deck.


 

Sliding up behind Seven of Nine—who was ‘endeavoring to be different’ this evening by wearing something other than on of her many colorful biosuits, partially to continue to explore various aspects of humanity that she found peculiar, but intriguing, and also figuring the change would please Kathryn and boost her confidence, which the Borg had a feeling was suddenly beginning to wan again—Chief Torres wrapped her mostly bare arms around the blonde’s thin waist. B’Elanna, who was still in uniform, but had shed her tunic, but not her metal sash, asked as she gave Seven a firm squeeze, before she kissed her shoulder, “What’s on the menu tonight?”

The Borg turned her vision from the replicator display for a moment as she looked over her right shoulder to where Torres’ head was. Smiling softly, then facing front again, Seven answered, “I am not certain as of yet. It is difficult to accommodate for both you and the commander... and still select ‘dishes’ that are typically consumed together... without selecting ‘pasta.’“

Chuckling mildly, Torres offered, “I know... how ‘bout we let Red and the old man pick... and you come over to the couch and sit down with me before they get here and take over the place.”

Since B’Elanna usually only asked her to sit down when she wanted to talk, Seven raised her eyebrows, then closed the menu display while saying, “Very well.” While the brunette removed herself from her person for long enough to snatch up her mesh detailed hand and started leading her toward the black sofa, the Borg questioned, curious, “Will you not be changing your attire this evening?”

The chief understood the question perfectly. It wasn’t that Seven thought she looked bad, or was out of place not to do so, she was merely curious as to the reasons why people changed sometimes, and other times they didn’t. Nodding her head, Torres explained as they sat down next to each other, and she turned toward Seven since the Borg still typically sat perfectly upright and merely moved her head, “Actually, that’s kind of what I want to talk about?” When Seven furrowed her brow, and started to open her mouth, B’Elanna said, figuring she understood the Borg’s confusion, “No... I won’t be changing... and no there’s nothing wrong with you wanting to wear something else.” As Seven closed her mouth but continued to look stymied, Torres took a deep breath and said, “Remember when we were camping and I took off in my uniform... the day you showed up?” After the blonde nodded once, B’Elanna explained, “Well, I’m not sure I ever told you this... but I put my uniform on not because I was going to work, but because I was going to battle... sort of.” As Seven’s face continued to show signs of confusion, she added, “With Tom... that’s when I told him I got his letter and that I agreed it was over between us.”

Finally understanding, Seven joined the conversation verbally, to clarify, “I believe I understand. Kathryn often exhibits this behavior... it is the reason why she often attends social gatherings in uniform when civilian attire is typically required. She feels protected... in a sense... by her uniform.”

“Yea... right.”

Processing that data quickly, Seven titled her head somewhat and furrowed her brow as she questioned, “Then you believe you are going to battle this evening?” When Torres sighed and looked down, Seven demanded, although not as harsh as she usually did, “Explain.”

“Dollface,” the chief sighed as took up the Borg’s mesh hand, always preferring to select that hand because not only was it the ‘braver’ choice for a warrior to select since there was a chance she could incur injury—although that chance was small and so would be the damage—and most importantly because she continued to believe that she had a lot of things to repent for... as far as how she treated the former drone when she came aboard. When the Borg subtlety attempted to introduce her human hand and switch, Torres squeezed the left one, not letting her do that as she said, “Remember that same day... after Red had taken off and you told me you wanted my help with the Slipstream project... and how I told you going home might not be such a good idea for her?” As Seven suddenly froze and merely blinked her eyes as she quickly began experiencing fear... fear for the unknown... just as she had experience that evening, B’Elanna swallowed, closed her eyes as she bowed her head, then forced herself to look up into Seven’s face, hold her stare and she continued, “Well, what I didn’t tell you was that it could also be bad for me too... in fact,” she said, trying to turn up once corner of her mouth and laugh at the danger, to help Seven deal with it, “it could be a hell of a lot worse for me than for Red.” Holding up her free hand quickly when Seven frowned heavily and opened her mouth again, Torres said, “Listen, I’m sorry I didn’t mention that... but you were really upset that night and it was... well, everything was just crazy, Seven... and everything was just talk then... and,” looking down and shaking her head, “not that I doubted you... but it just seemed like a fantasy... like a dream.”

As Seven relented for the time being and decided to just continue to listen, the half Klingon, but whole warrior looked back up to her while she went on, “Then, well, things just took off. You got sick, everything came out in the open, and suddenly I found myself happier than I ever thought possible. Then after the whole A.I. disaster, I realized that you were absolutely right and that we needed to get home, so I just decided to do the honorable thing... to help you completely like I promised. And,” she managed a proud smile, “you did it, Seven... just like you said you would.”

We did it, B’Elanna Torres,” Seven said softly, looking down for a moment. “This drone could have not accomplished her objectives without your assistance.” When the Klingon sighed, then brought up Seven’s hand to her mouth and kissed her knuckles, Seven looked up and asked, “Why did you not tell me? Kathryn’s well being is not more important than yours... ”

Nodding, the chief looked down and said, “I didn’t tell you because I knew that’s what you’d say.” Torres sighed and shook her head, then looked up and tried to explain, “And in this instance... it is, dollface... because,” looking back at Seven’s hand as she started fidgeting with it, “the things I’ve done and been involved with that could get me in trouble took place before we came out here. I wasn’t going to let anyone suffer... especially the two of you... just because I’m safer here than I am at home. That’s not right, Seven... it has to be this way... just like how we knew she’d do this despite what’s waiting for her... it wouldn’t be right for her to not at least try... that’s what she has to do... for the good of her crew. And this is what I had to do... for the good of the two of you.”

Annoyed and standing up quickly, Seven asked crisply as she started to pace around, “Explain how it is ‘good’ for me for you to be in danger?”

Sighing, B’Elanna sat back and kept her cool, prepared for this, and responded, “Red’s not going to be in danger, dollface. Yes, she might get tossed right the hell out of Starfleet, but she’ll still be there for you. She’s got family and friends on Earth... and I know she’ll make sure that if the worst happens, and they give her jail time, that you’ll be taken care of.” Crossing her arms and looking down into her lap, Torres admitted, “That’s not something I can ensure for you, Seven. I can’t ensure my own safety... let alone yours... but Red can... and,” looking up, she said surely, “she will, Seven... you know she will.”

“Unacceptable!” Seven rallied as she turned and faced B’Elanna from other side of the coffee table. “I do not wish to be separate from you any more than I wish to be separated from Kathryn.” Sighing and turning around, continuing her stalking as she placed her hands on her hips in an attempt to center herself since although she was more practiced at displaying emotions, it still was all very confusing often times, the Borg informed, “This is unacceptable and you are in error. I have continually begun to adapt from that conversation in preparation for the likelihood that Kathryn will be detained by the authorities by utilizing the time since then as a ‘test.’ An experiment which is now irrelevant!”

Standing up, suddenly having a very bad feeling, Torres asked, “Test... what... what test?”

Seven clenched her jaw as she spun around, then expelled the air from her chest, placed her hands behind her back and reported, “I deduced that the most efficient course of action to adapt to ‘life’ without Kathryn was to not attempt to ‘push’ her to adapt her routine and allow her the distance she requires to function as captain. I have also attempted to expand that distance by not relying on her as much as I typically would. I have not been as efficient as I hoped I could be, and although I continue to remain dependent on her, I am not as dependent on her as I am on you.” When Torres froze and blinked, Seven blinked her eyes as she looked away, furious, hurting and most certainly fearful, then said softer, “You have replaced Kathryn as my primary ‘caregiver,’ B’Elanna Torres. I have allowed this change to occur because I believed it was required... and because,” looking back to Torres as her eyes started to fill with tears, which she hated, “because I could not resist. However, at this relationship’s inception, I was not as ‘close’ with you as I was with Kathryn... and I desired you more than I loved you... which I believe is accurate for you as well.” When Torres, who was still standing, merely bobbed her head, Seven mimicked the action and added, “After examining the situation and all of the factors, including Kathryn’s possible ‘trouble’ and our living arrangement, I deemed it necessary to adapt for us to be successful in all of our objectives.” Sighing and shaking her head, frustrated, the blonde finished, “The logical choice was to ‘get used to’ relying upon you to assist me in the manner that only Kathryn had before. I do not wish to regret that... ”

Teary eyed, having no idea that’s what had been occurring, and certainly not taking offense at all since during all of this time as they’d grown closer, the chief had come to understand and accept that Seven simply didn’t think like most people, Torres croaked, “Seven... ” She knew in her heart that she should, and really was, honored because Seven wasn’t in the habit of adapting when she didn’t feel it was necessary. And necessary was a very complex word to someone like the beautiful Borg. B’Elanna, by right of Seven’s experiment, now fully comprehended all that her lover was saying. She wasn’t saying that she turned to B’Elanna as a second choice... at least, not in the way most people understood it. She was saying that she turned to B’Elanna because it was efficient, logical... and because it was what she wanted to do... because as most people knew, especially B’Elanna, Seven of Nine wasn’t in the habit of doing things she didn’t want to do... at least not in this realm. Seven had allowed, of her own free will, her, B’Elanna, to take the place of Kathryn as the single person she relied upon to assist her... and suddenly, Torres not only felt humbled beyond all belief, she felt caustically unworthy... for how could she, of all the people, possibly take the place of first the Borg Queen and then Kathryn Janeway? But despite those insecurities, she realized that was exactly what had happened... and furthermore... Seven was telling her she didn’t want that to change.

As a single tear rolled down her cheek, Seven looked over to Torres and whispered in a raspy voice, “This drone is not prepared to exist without you, bang.”

Just as she was about to rush Seven, beg for forgiveness for being such a “stupid idiot!” for the rest of her life, the door call sounded clearly, stopping Torres’ approach.

Sniffling and wiping her eyes quickly, Seven of Nine spun around, figuring it was Commander Chakotay and said, sounding angry since although she certainly wasn’t as uncomfortable around the man as she used to be, she still didn’t like him as much as Janeway and Torres did, “Enter.” Seven straightened her back as she heard Torres simultaneously sigh and curse under her breath for Chakotay’s timing, but when Samantha Wildman appeared between the doorway with a peculiar look on her face, thanks to her friend’s angered tone, the Borg blinked quickly at the sight of her girlfriend. Ever since Seven’s birthday party, she also, amongst all of her other objectives and tasks, had been very focused on exploring her relationship with the xenobiologist since Sam was a unique acquaintance.

Seven and Samantha had a great deal in common as far as mutual interests, some of which diverged a great deal from Kathryn and B’Elanna’s. They were also close in age, and although that was really irrelevant to the Borg since she figured that sometimes she had more in common with Naomi Wildman in that regard, Seven had realized that there were some experiences that they shared closely due to their similar age. And as Samantha had started coming to Seven first about most things, Seven had also begun sharing some aspects of her existence that she didn’t share with her lovers, which she had learned from Janeway and Torres was ‘normal.’ And through all of this exploration, she’d realized that she truly liked Samantha Wildman and considered her necessary to her existence... and that was completely alone and separate from anything that had to do with Naomi and Wildman’s relationship with Fowler. Seven wanted to keep Samantha has her girlfriend, her outlet when she wished to explore her individuality apart from Janeway and Torres. And now that seemed as thought it would be more critical than ever.

So, when Wildman stepped into the doorway, frowned at the look on Seven’s face, glanced over at Torres, then looked back to her as she asked, stepping up to her quickly, “Seven... what’s wrong?” the tallest blonde sniffled, holding back more tears as she drew her arms around Wildman and croaked, “Sam Wildman... you are required to ‘hug’ me.”

Samantha was used to Seven’s sometimes strange ways, understanding and long over taking offense to her demanding ways since she understood by studying the Collective and getting to know the former drone that that was just their way, and she’d seen Seven fall back on her directive oriented speech patterns when she was confused enough to know that Seven certainly didn’t mean to be rude, and furthermore, that she really wasn’t being rude at all. Hugging Seven back readily, then scowling at Torres over the Borg’s shoulder since the blondes were almost the same height, figuring the Klingon had gotten angry, as everyone knew she tended to do, and said something to hurt the Borg’s feelings, Samantha patted Seven’s back as her shoulders hitched for a second and asked, “Do you want to take a walk?”

The Astrometrics officer pulled away, took a deep breath as Wildman snatched up one of her hands, and said, sniffling, “Very well.”

B’Elanna ignored the daggers Samantha was shooting her for the moment, since she knew that although Wildman didn’t hate her, she was least comfortable with her thanks to one time Wildman had bumped into the chief in the hallway, and been snarled rather harshly at, almost six years ago. A few days later when Torres had seen her again and Sam had clearly avoided all contact with her, B’Elanna had tried to be the bigger person by apologizing, in her own way which didn’t come out too well. The public part of the meeting had ended with Samantha requesting to speak with her privately, seemingly completely pleasant, and once they were in the chief’s office, Wildman had tore into her verbally about her attitude and warned her to never act that way in front of her daughter or she’d have to deal with Mama, which had caused Torres to just stand there silent, then nod and say she understood and watch the ‘impressive’ mother turn and leave without another word. They’d worked together enough after that incident that they’d gotten over most of that incident, but the chief could tell that Sam was always slightly wary and quicker to assume Torres had caused the problem. Truth be known, Torres didn’t really blame Sam since she rarely apologized for her outbursts, but she had on that occasion because she’d realized it was merely an accident and B’Elanna had been letting her work frustrations and insecurities get the better of her and she’d been way out of line. Considering she and Sam managed to get along fine now, just didn’t get along like best pals, and Wildman allowed her to play with her daughter without her company, as well as constantly told Naomi to take her engineering questions to the chief, she figured that was probably as good as she was going to get from the woman, and that was fine with Torres. She’d never had a problem knowing people didn’t like her... most of the time, especially in the past, she actually preferred that... when she got hurt, when she got in trouble was people had pretended to like her... or had liked her and then suddenly changed their minds.

B’Elanna sighed as she ran her fingers through her hair, trying to figure out what to do now. As Samantha started pulling Seven toward the door and Seven looked back at her over her shoulder, Torres caught the glance and said, “Dollface... ” not knowing how to finish the sentence.

Understanding the precariousness of this situation since Wildman wasn’t aware of the Slipstream project, but also knowing she needed to escape for a few minutes before Kathryn returned and demanded to know what was happening, Seven said as she continued for the door, “I will return.”

“Yea... yea... okay,” Torres nodded, then added quickly before they stepped in front of the door and it opened, “just please hurry or... ”

Irritated, Samantha snapped over her shoulder, cutting her off, not seeing Commander Chakotay and the captain standing almost directly in front of the door talking, “She’ll be gone as long as she damn well wants to be, B’Elanna... ” Then turning around to see both of her commanding officers now turned toward she and Seven, staring in shock for the tone in Samantha’s voice, Wildman set her shoulders and said before Janeway and company could say anything else, “Captain, Commander... excuse us... come on, Seven.”

Impressed by Samantha’s presence and warmed by her protectiveness, Seven followed Wildman without pause, wiping the remnants of her misery from her face, not wanting to speak to Kathryn yet, knowing that would undermine what little reserve she had at this point as quickly as anything. When Janeway said, “Seven... ” and her voice was clearly full of concern, Seven merely pressed forward, assisted when Sam squeezed her hand tighter at that point, and allowed as they marched away, “I will return.”


 

Picking up the last of her report PADDs that had become scattered about during the course of the day as she’d migrated from her desk to her couch and back again, Captain’s Janeway’s office door call sounded. Carrying the data devices in her hand, Janeway said, “Come in,” as she started for the door, certain it was Chakotay since while they spoke earlier, she requested that when he transported over, he came to her office to pick her up so she couldn’t lose track of time. There was also the fact that she wanted to speak with him just prior to their dinner in hopes to get a feel for his mood since through conversations she’d had with Torres, she had a feeling the two of them had planned on this moment for quite sometime, and she also believed Chakotay knew more than Torres did considering he’d been the leader of their rogue group.

When none other than her taller, darker, handsome first officer appeared in her office, smiling slightly, dressed in one of his many rustic outfits, which every time she saw him in such a garb it reminded her that he was indeed Maquis since most of the time she completely forgot that they used to be enemies, Kathryn smiled back, ignoring the slight uneasiness his dress brought forth. It wasn’t that it bothered her that he used to be an outlaw, but more that for him to wear such an outfit tonight spoke volumes of the point he was trying to make. Approaching him when he stopped in the center of the office and asked her if she was almost ready, Janeway said, “I just need to file these.” When Chakotay smiled and chuckled at that, obviously surprised she wasn’t scurrying about trying to finish up, Janeway stood on her tip toes as he bent forward some, them accustomed to this type of greeting, although they only did it in absolute private, and asked as she kissed his cheek and squeezed one of his arms, “Feel good to be back?”

After accepting the familiar gesture without pause, although he rarely kissed her back, he patted her shoulder once as she turned and started back for her desk, and said, “That’s an understatement.” As Janeway chuckled as she glanced at each PADD, squinting then started setting them down near the wall in order, which he knew she was ritualistic about doing to keep things in order, he said, “Kathryn, I’m proud of you. You’re on time and in a good mood.” When Kathryn looked up at him and sneered, he laughed and said, “Coffee must have been good today... ”

“Uh,” Janeway allowed as she straightened the contents atop her desk, “do me a favor and don’t mention coffee tonight.” Wiping off her hands on her uniform out of habit as she started back for him, she explained as he raised his eyebrows, “Let’s just say, I’m sure B’Elanna will appreciate her leather pants after a few more days even more than she already does.”

Laughing and shaking his head, he scratched the area around his tattoo with his thumb as he asked while they turned toward the door to exit, “You’ll be back to normal by the time I get back... right?”

“If you mean my ration allotment,” Kathryn said quietly as they stepped onto the Bridge, “the answer’s no... not for two weeks.”

Chakotay waited until they were in the turbolift and she had called out Deck three before he said, “You know, you might have warned me... I’d have requested to stay on the Alaxiat a little longer.”

While the lift came to a halt and the door opened, Janeway smirked and said over her shoulder, “That would just ruin all my fun... besides,” she added as she turned forward and they started down the hallway, “I think I’m doing rather well... thank you very much.”

Snickering at the pompous look on Kathryn’s face, that she could only hold for a few seconds before she started laughing, Chakotay patted her back and said, “I’m sure you are.”

Rolling her eyes at his patronizing tone, Janeway slowed their walk on purpose as she grew closer to his side and asked, quietly, “I’m assuming there’s a reason why you’re wearing that specific outfit?”

Chakotay nodded as they rounded the corner, and replied, “Yes, but I thought we were going to have a nice dinner before we got into that?”

Sighing, Kathryn allowed, “Yes, I said that... but,” she looked over and up at him, “I’m still Kathryn Janeway, and I don’t like surprises.” Stopping in front of the doorway but not opening it, Janeway softened as she said, “Just tell me now if I’m going to get hit with a bomb.” Holding up her hands, she added, “I won’t ask more right now... I just need to know if I’m going to be able to relax.”

Chakotay smiled and looked upon his captain and dear friend for a beat, feeling like no matter how long he knew her, she’d never stop surprising him. When Janeway closed her eyes and sighed as she looked down, his silence more than enough to answer her query, Kathryn nodded, then said as she looked back up, “Alright... thank you.”

As she took a deep breath and started to turn toward the doorway, reminding herself that she had been sent to hunt down Chakotay’s elusive cell and that she had very high-level, classified data on him and his crew, and that most likely he wasn’t going to tell her anything she didn’t already know or couldn’t guess, the door to her quarters opened. As she immediately looked up into Seven of Nine’s tear-stained face and simultaneously Samantha Wildman barked at B’Elanna, who could be seen standing near the couch on the far wall, Janeway raised her eyebrows in surprise and immediate concern. When Wildman turned around, blinked, then greeted them, but informed Seven to follow her, which the Borg, who had looked away from her, did, the captain turned to watch them start away and said, “Seven... ” as the quick, unsettling change threatened to get away from her before she could find out what was causing Seven of Nine to cry. From what could see, the reason was B’Elanna, but that didn’t fit well at all with what she knew of their relationship, especially considering Torres seemed to go out of her way to be extraordinarily patient and understanding with Seven, when typically she wasn’t with others, including the redhead.

When Seven merely said, “I will return,” in an even voice and didn’t look back at all, Janeway glanced up at Chakotay, who was just remaining quiet, but was obviously concerned. Then turning back to the door, which had closed, the captain tapped the sensor, figuring she should just get the answers she needed from B’Elanna. However, as the door opened again, and she saw the Klingon chucking a throw pillow from her couch at one of the large windows while she growled and cursed, “Real fuckin’ brillant, Torres!” the captain realized that might be a little more difficult than she first thought since dealing with the chief when she was in such a lather could prove difficult.

As the brunette turned around, glanced at Janeway, who was approaching and demanding to know what was happening, and then stormed into the bedroom, running her hands through her slowly lengthening, chocolate, wavy mane, Chakotay stopped just beyond the threshold of the doorway as Kathryn scurried after B’Elanna. As Torres could be heard saying, “Red, just leave me alone for a minute and go talk to Chakotay,” and Kathryn came right back, “No I won’t leave you alone until you tell me why Seven is crying, dammit!” the lone male sighed and mumbled to himself as he could tell that their argument had migrated to the bathroom, or the closet, “Well, this is starting out typically well.” Then going over to the replicator, he requested, “Gin and tonic... double,” and was not for the first time decidedly happy he was a bachelor.


 

“Goddammit, Kathryn!” Torres snarled, as she turned around once they were in the bathroom. But when she got her first real good look at the redhead today, well since she’d seen her squirming and shrieking in her sleep, and then run for the bathroom, and realized that she wasn’t going to make this situation any better by fighting with Janeway already since she figured there were going to be more than a few shouting matches tonight, Torres sighed, ran her fingers through her hair and sat down on the toilet, hanging her head and breathing deeply, forcing herself to control her temper.

Taking her hands off her hips, which was a habitual occurrence whenever she was trying to show dominance since it seemed to make her look larger than she really was, Kathryn sighed as well and also forced herself to reign in her sometimes demanding personality. She hadn’t always been that way, but after being the single authority of a starship for seven and half straight years, it wasn’t something that could really be helped, and as long as she was able to cool her jets in her personal life, most of the time, she figured that was acceptable. Walking up to the sink and activating the facet, filling up the cup with water, she pushed the basin closed and said as she made her way over to Torres and held out the water, “Peace offering?”

Expelling the air from her lungs and looking up, B’Elanna glanced to the water and reminded, “Klingons don’t drink water,” smirking.

“Pretend it’s flammable,” Kathryn smirked back. When Torres laughed once and took the water, toasted her in Klingon to her own death, then started sipping it, Janeway stepped up next to her, ran her fingers through her tussled hair, pulling the strands that had fallen free from her ponytail behind her ears, as she said, ignoring the current subject for the time being, “By the way, thank you for the message today.” Leaning down and kissing B’Elanna’s head, she whispered, “It worked... as usual.”

Reaching over with her free hand to one of Janeway’s legs and wrapping her arm around it, rubbing her lower, inner thigh softly, Torres said, “That’s my job, cowgirl... I fix things that need fixing.” Then quickly setting down the water, pulling Janeway toward her and guiding her to straddle her legs, Torres hugged her strongly, pressing her face to her neck and took several deep breaths. As Janeway responded by squeezing her tight and whispering, “I love you,” into her ear, B’Elanna started rubbing her back as she asked, softly, “So, does that mean you’re okay?”

Kathryn pulled away enough to give Torres a soft kiss on the forehead as she replied, “Yes. It was just a bad dream... but I’m alright now.” When B’Elanna nodded and said she understood, Janeway dipped her head so she could look into Torres’ coffee colored eyes and asked, smiling softly, “Are you going to tell me what’s going on... or am I going to have to beat it out of you?”

“I fucked up... big... this time,” Torres sighed as she looked down and rested her forehead again Janeway’s strong chin. Before Kathryn could ask her to elaborate, she added, “You do realize you’re in love with a complete idiot... right?”

“Why don’t you let me be the judge of that and just tell me what happened,” Janeway coaxed, kissing the top of Torres’ head.

“Well, to make a long story short,” B’Elanna stood up slowly, letting Janeway slide off her lap smoothly, “I tried to talk to Seven today... to prepare her for the discussion that we’re going to have tonight.” Reaching down and snatching up the water cup, she took a sip, then dumped the rest out before she drank anymore and went on as she stood by the sink and braced herself against the construct, holding on tightly to keep herself in check, “She knows you could be in hot water when we get back, but I never told her I could be in serious trouble ‘til tonight... and I don’t think... well, I know she’d never considered it. So,” she glanced over at Janeway, who was now sitting on the commode, listening carefully, “I didn’t want her to hear that from anyone else. I didn’t want her to find out when it wasn’t just her and me.” When Kathryn sighed and started rubbing her forehead, having figured considering how much the two of them talked B’Elanna had already talked about that, Torres let go of the sink and said, holding up her hands, “Look, I know that you’re sure you can protect us, but we can’t keep that kind of thing from her. She deserves to know there’s trouble... and I felt it was my job to tell her. She was going to find out sooner or later.”

Sighing again and nodding, accepting that perfectly since she’d never planned to keep that aspect from Seven, but didn’t blame B’Elanna for being concerned she would since Kathryn knew she was awfully protective of Seven at times, Janeway merely said as she looked up, “Go on.”

Crossing her arms over her chest and leaning back against the wall, the chief explained, “Well, she got upset.” Torres looked down as she started biting her thumbnail on her right hand as she mumbled, “I guess she’d been preparing herself to lose you for a while by letting me take care of her.” When Janeway covered her face after a beat and said, “Ohno,” then stood up and spat, to herself, turning around and rubbing her neck, “Of course she did... goddammit, why didn’t I think of that,” Torres nodded and muttered, chewing her nail, “Yea…welcome to the club... membership’s free as long as you’re stupid.”

After thinking everything over for a few beats while she paced around the small space, Janeway finally made up her mind and said, stopping in front of Torres and looking up at her while the Klingon continued to bite her nails, “Lanna, I need to know, these things that you and Chakotay feel you have to tell me... are they something you think she needs to know?”

Shaking her head, Torres said surely, “Some of it... yes, but most of it, no... no I think it’s best if she doesn’t know. She can’t get into trouble if she does.” But she added, just as surely, “But you can’t keep her away, Kathryn... she won’t have it, and you know it.” Shaking her head and running her hand through her hair again, Torres said, “I’ve been driving myself crazy trying to figure out how to keep her away, but I couldn’t think of anything. That’s why I tried to explain it to her early, but then she let me know about her ‘experiment’... and then Sam showed up right before you... and it just all went to hell... quick.”

Nodding quickly, Kathryn stepped up close to Torres and said, “Yes, yes I can keep her away... but it will only work if you go with her.” When B’Elanna looked up at her and frowned, Janeway asked blunt, serious, but quiet, “Do you trust Chakotay and me enough to devise our strategy tonight without you?”

Sighing, B’Elanna looked down and said as she placed her hands on Janeway’s hips, “I do... but,” looking up, worried, she added, “cowgirl, I don’t want you to hear what he’s got to say without me... ”

“It’ll be fine,” Kathryn smiled softly as she grabbed Torres’ hands, balled them in hers and brought them to her chest. “Besides, I planned to bring Tuvok in as back-up.” When B’Elanna continued to seem conflicted, having difficulty choosing between Seven and Kathryn, the captain reminded, “Darling... what’s that you always say? I’m Kathryn Janeway and that means people ought to know better than to mess with me... I think you know as well as I do that she needs you now more than I do. I’ll be fine and the old man and I will figure it out just fine on our own... just like we always have. Besides,” she finished, shaking her head and waving one of her hands, “I’m going to find out anyway... nothing’s going to change that.”

Smirking and shaking her head, not sure if she was making the right decision, but deciding to trust her captain, B’Elanna kissed Janeway’s lips softly, saying, “Kahless, I love you,” then asked after she rested her forehead against Janeway’s, “Alright, I’m in... give me an order... quick before I change my mind and blow this whole night off.” What she didn’t tell Janeway was that she and Chakotay had some sketchy plans if the good captain didn’t seem to be responding well, but she figured if Chakotay took over in that regard and set forth their plan, that could change everything, so she didn’t bother mentioning that contingency to Kathryn and just hoped it didn’t come to that.


 

Once B’Elanna had been given her mission and left the confines of the bathroom, Janeway took a few minutes to use the facilities, then wash up while she settled herself and concentrated on focusing all of her talents, some of the learned and some natural-born, on not only getting through this evening without becoming angered or overly emotional, but completing her own mission to prove to everyone that she was in charge of this precarious and speculative situation, and that she furthermore could and should be trusted to execute all prongs of this plan with decisive skill. What those would be, she didn’t know, but she was sure she could figure it out and take care of business. After cleaning her face and applying a fresh coat of mascara and lipstick, then combing her hair, Janeway shut the mirrored cabinet and came face to face with her reflection again.

Staring deep into her own steely blue eyes for a few moments, then glancing around at her classic features, she came back to her eyes, leaned forward some and whispered to herself, “It’s show time, Captain... make me proud.” Then smirking at herself, digging deep down to draw up her confidence since low down in her soul she truly did believe in herself and her abilities, especially the ones her father had taught her, Kathryn said, “Yes, Ma’am,” before she backed away. Then tapping her communicator, she first made sure Seven was still absent from their dwelling by querying the computer before she hailed her.

After a few seconds, Seven’s voice came back, sounding much less distressed, but a little softer than normal, “I am here, Captain.”

Since the computer had told her she was in Samantha Wildman’s quarters, Janeway didn’t have a problem saying, “I’m sorry to interrupt... but I wanted to know if you still wanted to have dinner with us?” Before the blonde could answer, Janeway clarified, “If you don’t, that’s perfectly fine... but if you do, I just wanted to know so that we wouldn’t start without you.”

For a few seconds there was nothing, which Kathryn figured meant Seven was thinking, and just when she was about to say something to make certain Seven was still there, the Borg informed, “I wish to join you. Am I required to return at this time?”

“No,” Kathryn kept herself from sighing in disappointment since that would certainly have made all of this easier…at least on her, if Seven had decided to stay away, “take all the time you need,” Kathryn said softly, then added, hoping to lighten Seven’s mood since she didn’t really believe the blonde was mad at Torres, just frightened and frustrated that her efforts had been for not, “although, don’t be gone too long or B’Elanna might actually starting think gagh sounds appetizing.” When she heard Seven sigh quickly, which she understood was her most preferred way to express that she found something humorous, the captain finished after Seven acknowledge that, “I’ll see you soon, Seven. Janeway out.”

Pivoting and opening the door on the bathroom, Kathryn made her way to the living room and announced as she stepped inside, then started for her desk, unzipping her tunic, “Seven’s going to join us for dinner... I don’t think she’ll be that much longer.” After kicking off her boots, she made her way to the couch where Chakotay was sitting while Torres hopped up and informed that she was just going to replicate something to tide her over. Snatching his drink from his hand and taking a sip, then squinting some, she said, “That’s stronger than usual.” When he raised his eyebrows, silently informing her she should have guessed, then pointed to the coffee table where a fresh whiskey and soda, she smiled as she snatched it up and asked, “Is it poisoned?”

While Kathryn sipped it, he said, “Not any more than normal,” which got a good chuckle out of the redhead.

Sitting down next to her first officer, she leaned into him some and whispered as Torres sighed at the replicator and begged it to help her out, “Did she fill you in?”

“Which part?” he answered. When Janeway narrowed her eyes at him, he smiled, put his arm around her, patting her shoulder and said, “I got the low down, boss... are you sure it’s going to work?”

Handing him her glass as B’Elanna cussed out the machine then requested her assistance, Janeway answered over her shoulder as she pushed away, smiling at Torres, always finding her criminally cute when she argued with the replicator, “Yes... but this is Seven of Nine we’re talking about. Little is rarely certain.” As Chakotay remarked that such a statement was true, but refrained from calling her a wild card for fear Kathryn wouldn’t like that, and they’d had words several times before over Seven of Nine, although not since they’d all fallen in love, Janeway padded over to B’Elanna, chuckling and saying, “Darling, you’ve got to be nice to her,” speaking of the replicator, “or she’ll never cooperate.”

“Well, she’s a bitch…and not in the way I like.” When Janeway stepped up to the device as it beeped that it didn’t understand the request, Torres said, “Yea... you heard me.” As Kathryn chuckled, then whispered to the replicator that ‘she’ shouldn’t listen to the “mean Klingon,” B’Elanna wrapped her arms around Janeway’s waist, rubbed the captain’s stomach and she gave her a neck a small love-bite. While Chakotay turned on the television and kicked his feet up and Kathryn asked her lover what it was that she wanted, B’Elanna whispered quietly as she raised her right hand and cupped Janeway’s right breast, the movement completely hidden from Chakotay’s view, “Meat... definitely meat.” When Janeway smirked but moved Torres’ hand back to her stomach and asked her to be more specific, the Klingon chuckled and said, “I want chips and salsa... but make the salsa less hot.”

Understanding why B’Elanna was having problems since ‘salsa’ was considered ambiguous by the device since there were at least thirty different types of salsa, Janeway selected the kind she knew Torres preferred since it was the same she did, although Janeway tended to like her food spicier than the engineer. After she brought up the ingredients list for the salsa and cut way back on the amount of peppers included in it, she saved the recipe and sent it to B’Elanna’s personal database, all the while the Klingon continued to hug her and nuzzle her neck. Just as she was finishing, B’Elanna cupped her breast again and whispered, “By the way, I don’t know when I’ll get a chance to thank you properly for last night, but I’m working... hard and fast on it,” which typically would have caused Janeway to tingle all over since she had a pretty good idea of how Torres planned to make it up to her, and she was more than agreeable to engaging in that specific activity with heady brunette, but since she was in her command mode, it only made her smirk.

Janeway once again moved Torres’ hand away, pinching the skin at the top, lightly, and whispered, “You’re incurable.” Turning away and kissing B’Elanna’s lips smartly, then getting out of arms reach, Kathryn said, “It’s under your personal database... I think you can handle the rest.”

Quirking the side of her mouth, then nodding as she remembered the captain was all out of replicator rations, Torres stepped back up to the replicator and used the manual input interface instead of voice commands since she typically had better luck that way. When a large bowl of tortilla chips and a good amount of salsa set in the middle appeared, the Klingon tentatively plucked out the salsa, sniffed it, then dipped her finger in the middle and finally gave it a taste. Raising her eyebrows and grabbing the chips, she said, “Not bad, Red... I think there’s hope for you yet,” as she made her way to the couch.

“You’re welcome, darling,” Janeway came back, chuckling and shaking her head from where she had reclaimed her seat. As Torres sat down the bowl on the coffee table, told Chakotay to move his feet while she scouted the heavy piece of furniture forward some, the captain noticed B’Elanna, which was typical, didn’t get any napkins, so she asked, “Will you get some napkins before you sit, please?”

“Why do you need a napkin to eat chips and salsa?” scoffed B’Elanna, snatching up her beer and making her way back to the device.

“Because I do…thank you,” Janeway reminded, sipping her drink, not thinking anything of the conversation since it was fairly standard. When Chakotay laughed as he watched the television and shook his head, Kathryn turned to him, looked at the TV, then asked since she didn’t see anything comical happening, “What is it?”

“Nothing,” Chakotay said as he took his arm from around her, put his feet back on the floor and reached for the food. Grabbing a handful of chips, but staying away from the salsa, he offered his palmful to the captain, who accepted kindly as Torres came back with the napkins. When B’Elanna snatched up the remote control, saying, “I’m not watching that sappy shit,” then sat next to Janeway, who rolled her eyes at the brunette, Chakotay chuckled as he sat back and asked, “So, B’Elanna... fill me in on what I’ve missed while I’ve been gone.”

Clicking off the television, not really wanting to watch anything in particular anyway, B’Elanna pushed herself toward the end of the couch, kicked her socked feet up on Janeway’s lap, smiling her crazy grin, which caused the redhead to shoot her an fake look of disapproval since she easily made room for them, asking, “Any specific line you’re looking for, old man... or do you want the whole kit and caboodle?” Then remembering something as Janeway pilled some chips in a napkin for herself and Chakotay, then handed the bowl off to Torres so she could reach from her comfy position, B’Elanna said, as Chakotay thought it over, but seemed to be enjoying the show Torres and Janeway were putting on much more, “Hey, speaking of,” tapping her foot against Kathryn’s torso, “what did you find out about Nick’s tall, dark and hot modeling days?” When Chakotay coughed some since he was sipping his drink and Janeway gave her another look, but this one was earnest, Torres smiled and said, “What?”

After explaining the situation to Chakotay before he took that the wrong way, and then telling the story, which peeked his interest enough that Torres jumped up and ran over to Seven’s workstation to pull up the photos, saying, “Chakotay, you gotta get a load of these shots... I haven’t made a find like this in years,” B’Elanna brought the workstation over to his side of the couch. When the commander cleared his throat mildly then started laughing as the chief said, “Hot... aren’t they?” Chakotay nodded as Kathryn burst out laughing again at the surprised look on the man’s face, and said, “They certainly are... good.”

Looking up to B’Elanna, who was smiling proudly at herself, he asked, still laughing, “How did you find those?”

Torres answered as she took the display back to Seven’s desk, “No way, Chakotay... a good detective never reveals her sources.”

As the captain stopped laughing and used one of the napkins to wipe her eyes, the commander snickered as he huffed, “You and your sources.” Nudging Janeway, he whispered loudly, “She’s never had any sources... it’s all for show.”

Pointing at Chakotay, Torres rallied as she started to sit down again, “I’ve got minions, old man... they’re just too good and too loyal for you to know about them.” As she got comfortable again, the captain making room for B’Elanna’s feet without prompting this time, Torres snatched up the chip bowl as she said, “They’re all over the place... so you just better watch yourself. No one has more dirt on you than I do... trust me.”

Feeling like it was definitely time to give his old friend a taste of her own medicine, Chakotay turned toward Janeway and asked, “Speaking of dirt... did B’Elanna ever tell you about the time she wrestled a man twice her size... in a mud pit…naked?” When B’Elanna stopped mid-chew and glared at him, Chakotay smiled his crinkling grin as Kathryn raised her eyebrows and smirked at him, and said, “And do you know why she was wrestling him naked?”

As Chakotay opened his mouth, Torres jumped up and said, with her mouth half-full, “You tell her that and I’ll tell her a better one.” Smiling in confidence as he looked at her and raised his eyebrows, B’Elanna set down the chips, wiped her hands on her pants, looked over at Janeway, who was watching on baited breath and said, “Here’s a hint... I caught him with his hand,” holding hers up and wiggling her fingers, “in a Bajoran honey jar... if you catch my drift.”

While the captain raised her eyebrows even higher at that, Chakotay smiled, devilish, as he set down his glass and stood up, saying, “Good one, but it’s not as good as... Staria.”

When B’Elanna produced a fist and held it up between them, Janeway set down the contents of her lap and asked, eager, “Who’s Staria?”

“Chakotay, don’t make me kill you,” B’Elanna warned as Janeway stood up and asked her question again.

Grabbing Torres quickly, whirling her around and putting her in a head lock, Chakotay said, smiling, “Oh, just an old flame.”

“Chakotay,” B’Elanna growled, trying to wiggle away, “if you say one more word... my life’s work will be to make you suffer!”

Releasing B’Elanna easily and laughing, he patted his old friend on the back, having heard that line far too often to ever believe it and said to Janeway, “She’s was a nice girl... strange though... liked to talk to the dead... twice a day, in fact.”

Huffing and punching the commander in the arm as Janeway paused for a minute until she realized it was truth, then covered her mouth and started laughing, Torres said, “Don’t forget single... which is more than I can say for half of your women.”

When Kathryn stopped laughing and just stared, stunned at Chakotay, never thinking of him as the type, the commander shrugged, grinning as he migrated back to the coffee table, “True... but I didn’t know they were married at the time... I just thought they were spies.”

Grinning and coming up behind Janeway, wrapping her arms around her, Torres said, “Spies... yea right. Is that what you do to weed out spies, Red... give them the grand tour of your bedroom?”

When Janeway turned around and managed before she burst out in laughter again, “She talked to the dead?” B’Elanna threw her arms up in the air and huffed as she went for her beer, “She was an artist... she said it was part of her work!” Then finally breaking down as Chakotay started to laugh along with Janeway, with a lot of gratitude to B’Elanna’s explanation, Torres giggled for a few minutes, falling on the couch next to Chakotay and said to him, slapping his chest with the back of her hand between laughing fits, “Christ... that chick... was... crazy.” Laughing again as Janeway came over and sat next to her, still giggling, she said, “I’m talking serious whack job, Red... with a capital whack.”

Calming down for the moment and wiping her eyes as she caught her breath and leaned back, Janeway asked, still snickering though, “How on earth did you ever get involved with someone like that?”

Chakotay jumped in as he put his arm around Torres, and answered, “B’Elanna had a diplomatically correct dating policy... very indiscriminating.”

“You’re one to talk,” Torres said as she elbowed him, but chortled, “or shouldn’t I mention Queen Bitch of the Universe?” When Chakotay acknowledged that she had a good point, mostly over his hurt that Seska had been a spy, and a Cardassian, although that was one very big reason he hadn’t been involved with anyone since her because he’d lost a great deal of his confidence in his own judge of character, Torres patted his leg as she said, not wanting to bog down the conversation in that topic, “Although, not like she didn’t fool all of us... so much for my ability to smell a Cardassian from a hundred paces.”

As Chakotay shook his head as they sat close together, the commander with his arm draped over the front of her chest, almost in a head lock as Torres leaned back against him, and B’Elanna snapped her fingers and said, “Oh... do you remember that time,” and started telling one of their many Maquis adventure stories, Janeway stilled her laughter as she started paying more attention to how they were interacting instead of what they were saying. Honestly, it warmed her heart to see both of them so animated and smiling as they reminisced, although part of it made her uneasy. Not really because they were talking about their outlaw days, and not because she wasn’t involved, but mostly because even though she knew both of them enjoyed the work they did now, she honestly couldn’t remember them ever being so alive and happy when telling stories about things that had occurred on Voyager and part of her realized that although they were in the Maquis because they believed in the cause, there was also a romance to that kind of lifestyle that they shared... that she didn’t understand. She could understand the excitement and attraction to the adventure, but there was a true love affair both of them had with their days of old, and part of her feared that nothing they ever did again would give them the sense of excitement and camaraderie as that time did. If Janeway wasn’t so worried that soon their Maquis stories would become painful reminders to them and take that joy out of their life, then she felt she wouldn’t mind so much and could live with that, but since she feared that wouldn’t be case, it worried her that they’d never be as happy in life as they were right now.

“And Chakotay walks up to the guy and says,” Torres went on, then looked over at Janeway and asked while she laughed, “Red... you listening?” When Kathryn blinked then looked up and said, “Hmm... I’m sorry, what?” B’Elanna stilled her giddy laughter quickly and questioned, suddenly worried these stories made her Starfleet partner uncomfortable, even if she’d never seemed so before... at least not for several years, “Do you want me to shut up?”

“No,” Janeway shook her head quickly as she reached for her drink, “I’m sorry, darling... I just got lost in thought... what were you saying?”

When Chakotay gave her a quick pinch on the arm, Torres pulled away some and said, reaching for the chips, “It’s not important.” As Kathryn sighed and started to explain that their stories didn’t bother her at all and she just got lost in her head, B’Elanna pulled one of Janeway’s legs across her lap as she said, “It’s cool... it kind of loses it’s effect if you weren’t there anyway.” Just as she was about to tickle the captain’s foot and ask her to tell them a story about her early Starfleet days, Seven of Nine, cool and collected, walked through the door, and came to a halt just beyond the entryway, placing her hands behind her back and silencing them all effectively.


 

Dressed in the grey slacks, matching heels and the white silk blouse that Janeway had replicated for her a while back the evening of their first dinner party with the crew of the Alaxiat, although her hair was now returned to it’s length and twisting bun of old since she’d requested that Samantha cut it for her in preparation for the fact that she was now going to have to be able to care for it alone for an undetermined length of time, Seven of Nine said, even, “I apologize for keeping you waiting.” As Torres moved Janeway’s feet and jumped up, Seven looked to Chakotay and said, “Commander... I apologize for not greeting you before.”

While Janeway sighed as Chakotay said, “Don’t worry about it... it’s good to see you,” Torres said as she approached the stoic Borg, “Hiya, Dollface... didya cut your hair?”

“That is correct,” Seven replied. “This length is my preference,” she lied, partly since although it was easier to manage, she also got a great deal of comfort out of having B’Elanna or Janeway groom it for her every evening. Looking about the room quickly, purposefully not making eye contact with Kathryn, who continued to sit on the couch, but was obviously watching her closely, Seven asked, “What have I ‘missed?’“

Reaching out to Seven and pulling on her left arm so she could hold her hand, Torres smiled and said, “Nothing important.” Then dragging her toward the bedroom, she looked over at Janeway and Chakotay, saying, “Why don’t you two figure out what’s for dinner... we’ll just be a minute.” Once they were inside and she’d shut the door, Torres turned to Seven and said, “Seven,” then sighing, she shook her head and said after a few silent moments, “I’m sorry... I’m really bad at this kind of thing.” When Seven didn’t say anything, she looked up and asked, somewhat desperate, “Are you pissed at me?”

“I am uncertain,” the Borg said as she looked away from Torres. “I do know what I feel at this moment?”

“Seven, listen... listen to me,” B’Elanna said and she tugged on Seven’s hand, “I’m sorry I didn’t realize how this would affect you totally, but that doesn’t matter now.” When Seven looked back to her and furrowed her brow, Torres said, “Nothing has changed except how I view the situation.” Stepping up to Seven and hugging her tightly, she said, “I won’t leave you, dollface... we’ll figure it out tonight... we’ll all figure out what to do... but I promise you... I won’t leave you... not for anything... I swear it to Kahless.” Sighing as Seven embraced her as well, Torres said, “God, Seven... I’m sorry... I’m sorry I didn’t think about you enough. I just didn’t know, babe... I just didn’t know. I’m just an idiot... and I didn’t know.”

“It is of no consequence, bang,” Seven informed softly as they hugged. “If Kathryn is detained and you are required to do whatever you are required to do to remain out of danger, this drone will reside with Kathryn’s collective. I will not hinder your objectives or your safety... I will adapt.”

Laughing once, Torres pulled away as she said, “Hinder my objectives?” Smirking and trying to keep her light-hearted, joking approach to tense, emotional situations, “You’re a bad-ass Borg, remember? Any outlaw would be lucky to have you as a side-kick.” When Seven raised her eyebrow and smirked some at that, B’Elanna smiled and said, shaking her head, “We’ll stick together, Seven... Red and Chakotay will figure out what to do... but we’ll stick together. You and me,” she winked, “the gruesome twosome of the Squad,” referring to her new found preferred way to refer to the four female senior officers, plus their newest edition, Samantha Wildman, or the Babe-Squad, as she used to call them, “we’ll figure it out and kick all their sorry asses if we have to.”

When Seven sighed, nodded then put her arms around Torres again, enthusiastic for Seven, picking her up some, B’Elanna hugged the Borg back readily as she buried her face in Seven’s long neck and said, “I love you, babydoll... I’ll never leave you alone... we’ll figure it out... on my honor.”


 

As she fiddled with the replicator’s menu display while she continued to consider her actions very carefully, Captain Janeway turned around and looked over her shoulder as Seven and B’Elanna came out of the bedroom, hand in hand. Seven looked a little cheerier than she did previously, but the redhead certainly could tell she was abnormally distressed, and rightfully so, not to mention she was still showing sighs of wear from her work on the Slipstream project. As Torres kissed Seven’s hand quickly before she let it go and started for the couch, Kathryn turned back to the replicator when she could tell that Seven was planning to approach her. When the tall blonde stopped next to her and quietly offered her assistance, Janeway slipped her arm around Seven’s waist and drew her into her side. Patting her hip, Janeway looked up and over to her, having to do so more than normal since she was without her boots and Seven was wearing heels, and said softly, smiling warmly, “You look nice.” When Seven nodded her head once, she asked, “Did you have a good talk with Samantha?”

“It was disjointed due to the fact that she is not aware of the Slipstream project as of yet,” Seven answered, plainly, “however, she was efficient at being a girlfriend, as you have described it.”

Smiling at that, Kathryn questioned, remaining pleasant and caring, but not wanting to get into anything that was discussed between the blondes or her partners, “Did she cut your hair for you?” After Seven nodded, Kathryn smirked and said, “Well, maybe I’ll go to her the next time I need a trim since she did such a lovely job on yours... or do you think she’d mind?”

“I do not believe she would be disagreeable,” Seven said softly. Then turning more toward Janeway, Seven looked down at her and said, very quiet and subdued, “I am ‘sorry’ I... ”

Lifting her finger to Seven’s lips and stopping her, Kathryn whispered, “No apologies today, please.” When Seven closed her mouth and nodded, Janeway winked at her and said, gesturing to the replicator, “Now, why don’t you work your magic... since I think it’s still under the spell you put on it earlier.”

Smirking and cocking her eyebrow, Seven said, “I was under the impression you did not believe in ‘magic?’“

In a flirting manner, Kathryn returned, “Only yours, angelia.” Then raising up on her tip toes and tapping her lips, she requested, “Kiss me please.”

After kissing the captain softly, Seven asked, “What will we be consuming?” deciding not to question Janeway as to how she was since she seemed fine and Seven certainly didn’t want to add anymore tension to the air than she felt her presence already was.

“Roasted chicken,” Kathryn answered as she returned her hand to Seven’s back. Patting it softly before she left her side, she added, “And whatever sides you’d like... just make them vegetarian,” she reminded, although it wasn’t necessary, “and make plenty please,” she finished as she turned away and started for the shelf where she kept the wine glasses, “I’m famished.”


 

Kathryn, seated at the head of the table, across from Chakotay as Torres and Seven sat opposite each other on the longer ends of the oval glass surface, chuckled mildly as she sipped the remnants of her wine while her Maquis officers continued to entertain them all with their story telling. Finally having enough of trying to force herself to finish her dinner, and not having done a terrible job at eating most of it, the redhead pulled the cloth napkin from her lap, downed her wine as she stood, then remarked, smiling at Torres, “Lanna, why am I not at all surprised?”

While Janeway snatched up her plate and migrated over to Seven of Nine, Torres looked up to her captain and said, grinning, “‘Cause you know I’d do it any day of the week.”

Keeping her cheerful demeanor even though throughout the meal Seven of Nine hadn’t said or eaten much of anything, and was currently picking at her food while she looked down into the plate and continued to seem completely lost in thought, Janeway responded as she gently slid her hand across Seven’s shoulder and squeezed her neck, “Well, I can only imagine.” Since any time the former drone displayed any form of truly inefficient behavior, such as picking at her food, Kathryn never needed any other evidence to tell something was bothering her, even if she currently had a lot more. As the blonde blinked at the touch and froze, Kathryn smoothly reach for her fork, patting Seven’s back and saying very softly, “Why don’t you let me take this for you,” while B’Elanna watched carefully, but said, “True, but you don’t fool me…you know you’d laugh your ass off if you actually saw me use that tactic…don’t lie, Red…it doesn’t work for you.”

After Seven sighed but nodded, not offended by Kathryn’s action because she knew she was doing it to show that no matter what was happening, the captain was always cognizant of her Borg, acutely so, and allowed Janeway to take away her food, the captain took up Chakotay’s plate as he handed it to her while she replied, “Hmm…I think I’ll plead the fifth.”

As the captain started to the replicator to deposit the contents of her hands, the Borg stood as well and began gathering the rest of the dishes, except for Torres’ since she rarely left anything on her plate and she still had a few bites left. While Chakotay rejoined the conversation and started joking again with the chief, Seven said quietly to Kathryn as she stood behind her, “Do you wish to have desert?”

“I brought some brownies back from Neelix,” Kathryn explained as she stepped to the side some so Seven could set the various glasses and other utensils into the device. Taking the wine glasses from Seven’s hand, she said, “They’re in the cupboard,” gesturing with her chin, “if you’d like some.” When Seven raised her eyebrow a small amount an the slightest upturn of her mouth was visible, Janeway smiled softly, nudged her over to it while saying, “Treat yourself…that’s why they’re there.”

As she opened the cupboard, Seven of Nine smirked slightly and asked, “If I ‘indulge’ myself, will you allow me to replicate a cup of coffee for you?”

Smirking right back, Janeway slid up next to her tallest lover and whispered, “Very clever, darling.” When Seven cocked her eyebrow and shot her with her infamous confident look, Kathryn smiled and said, “Thank you…I’d love a cup.” Then patting the blonde’s firm fanny twice as she passed, she added louder, “Just a small one, please.” Stopping at the table before she tooled off to the bathroom to wash their permanent set of wine glasses, Kathryn said to Chakotay and Torres, “There’s brownies in the cupboard.” As Chakotay perked up and stood at that, and B’Elanna grabbed her beer and gulped it down, Janeway gathered up the commander’s wine glass, and added as she started for the bedroom, “Seven, if you’re going to make them arm wrestle you for one…wait ‘til I get back, huh?”

Turning around with the tray of brownies, Seven smiled as she popped half of one into her mouth, and replied just before, “I will comply.” Then cocking her eyebrow to Chakotay, who was approaching, she asked, mimicking something she’d heard Torres say on several occasions to Fowler, “Wish to try your luck, Commander?” When the tall first officer smiled, a little nervous since it was rare that Seven of Nine said much of anything to him, unless she was requesting information, and greeted him with more than a nod of her head, the Borg held out the plate, and said, “Do not fear…I will ‘let you off the hook’…this time.”

Chakotay laughed a little as he snatched up one of the chewy treats, then patted Seven’s back and said, “Thanks, I think.” As the blonde smiled and nodded, he added, “Enjoying your vacation…you look nice, by the way?”

As Torres gathered up her dishes and went to the replicator, Seven responded, “It has been relaxing, but I am ready to return to duty…thank you.”

Wiping her hands off on her pants, B’Elanna said as she reached for the brownie plate, “Chakotay, stop trying to sweet talk Seven into giving you the plate.” When Seven moved the plate away and held it high above her head, and smirked, Torres huffed, “What…you give him one and not me?” As Seven merely raised her eyebrow that was encased by her ocular implant, and Chakotay laughed, patting the brunette on the shoulder roughly, then went over to the replicator to order some lactose free milk, and Kathryn came out of the bedroom, B’Elanna placed her hands on her hips, standing right in front of the blonde and said, “Seven, gimme a brownie already.”

“What is the ‘magic word?’“

Balling her fist and holding it up, the chief growled, smirking, “DaH!

After a beat, Seven smirked more and lowered the plate, so Torres grabbed the desert, saying, “I’ll only take two ‘cause I like you.” After taking a bite, she rose up on her tip toes, kissed Seven quickly, who was bending down since that is what typically occurred after one of their play fights and said, “Thanks, dollface.” While Janeway waved off Seven’s offering politely, B’Elanna asked as the captain put away the glasses, “What now, Red…Klingon drinking songs…strip poker?”

“Sure,” Kathryn came back, smirking as Chakotay laughed, “as long as you’re offering. Shall I get the cards, darling?”

Sighing as Seven smirked at her, Torres frowned and said, “Nevermind…something tells me my defeat wouldn’t be honorable.” When Chakotay chuckled and whispered to her, “Yours and mine both,” the chief grinned and added, “Yea, but at least I’d look good going down.” While Seven set down the brownies on the coffee table and then went to the replicator, B’Elanna requested, scarfing down a brownie, “So, come on, Red…do that thing you do…and think of something. I’m all out of ideas.”

Taking a long, deep sniff of her coffee with her back to B’Elanna as Seven replicator her own preferred blend of java, Kathryn whispered to the blonde, “Mmm…bless you, love,” before she turned around to face the engineer. Glancing over to Chakotay, who was relaxing on the couch, enjoying his sweets, Janeway took a sip, then answered, “Why don’t we get comfortable on the couch and talk for a while.” As B’Elanna sighed heavily, then nodded, her happy, wistful smile gone with the wind in a trice, Kathryn came up to her lead engineer, put her arm around her and said, “Come on…trust me.” After Torres looked over at her, sad, then nodded and left her side, stuffed her remaining sweets into her mouth, told Chakotay to scoot over and came to a rest between him and the end of the sofa, hanging her head, even after the commander put his arm around her and started whispering to her, Janeway turned around and said to Seven, who was standing near the replicator, holding her coffee and watching Torres carefully, “Seven, will you get Lanna a beer…and some napkins?”

After the Borg had nodded and done as she requested, then came to a stop next to her, Janeway whispered to Seven to make herself comfortable as she grabbed the beer and napkins, having asked for those in case tears were shed this evening. Then slowly, she walked over to B’Elanna, handed the beer to Chakotay since the chief was currently covering her face and taking long, deep breaths. Once he took it from her and they exchanged silent looks that spoke volumes about how each of them understood what a challenge they were facing, so at least they thought, Kathryn migrated to the chair that offset the couch, not at all surprised that Seven had opted to stand off to the side of the couch, even though there was plenty of room on the sofa for her. Janeway was purposefully sitting away from Torres and Chakotay, trying to use the physical space as a barrier that would hopefully assist her with keeping her composure and air of confidence. Pulling up the foot stool and kicking her feet up on it, Kathryn took a long pull off her mug, then set it down in her lap as Torres took her hands away from her face, remarked that she was fine now, and said, even, “Alright, Commander…I’m listening.”


 

Captain Janeway shook her head as she stood up, needing to move about some to keep from getting too flustered, especially since Seven was now sitting on the couch, still absolutely quiet and rigid, but Torres was now up off the couch, pacing around, agitated. When B’Elanna stopped near the window and leaned on the frame with one hand, keeping her back to the rest of them while she tried to calm herself before she lost her temper, Janeway took a sip of her coffee as she contemplated her words carefully, then said, “I agree with you that we’re going to have to play our hand carefully, Commander, but I don’t understand why you feel you have to go to that extreme…especially now.” Stopping in front of the coffee table and setting down her coffee, she added on the next beat, “You’ve all been upstanding officers for over seven years…surely that has to mean something to Starfleet.” When Chakotay sighed and scratched his temple, Kathryn added as she crossed her arms over her chest and looked down at him from across the surface of the glass, “I understand that we have different experiences with Starfleet and you don’t trust them completely, but I’ve been in Starfleet longer than all of you put together.” Softening her tone, she reminded, “I grew up with Starfleet. My grandfather was a captain…my father,” she emphasized a little, “was an admiral, and I’m on a first name basis with half of the top brass.” As Chakotay looked up at her and shook his head, she came over to him, sat on the edge of the coffee table and said, smiling and continuing to attempt to show that she hadn’t any doubts, even if some of what they had said certainly gave her pause, albeit inwardly, “For goodness sakes, Owen Paris was at my family’s ranch for the last three Christmas dinners I shared with them.” Reaching out and squeezing his knee, she informed, “I know these people…yes, some of them are hard liners and too rigid in their interpretations of Federation principles for their own good, but they aren’t beyond reason…and they certainly aren’t so far removed from everything that they don’t remember what it’s like to compromise.”

As Torres sighed and shook her head, Chakotay did the same as he pushed off from the couch, snatching up his empty milk glass, and said, “If that’s so true, then why are you even concerned about your future?”

Irritated that he was using that tactic, Kathryn stood up, turned and said as she placed her hands on her hips, warning him mildly, “You know perfectly well why that is, Commander…and that’s not the point here.”

Depositing his glass into the replicator, equally irritated that the redhead continued to try to approach this conversation as captain and not merely a part of the family since he believed right now they needed to lay all of the cards on the table as equals and then work out a plan of action from there, Chakotay replied, “Yes, Kathryn…it is exactly the point.” Turning around and looking right at her as B’Elanna turned around at that and crossed her arms, unsure if she liked his tone, the lone male said, “If your Starfleet buddies aren’t beyond reason, then why in god’s name do you expect to lose your command?” Not giving her a chance to answer, Chakotay walked up to her and said, “You’re Kathryn Janeway. Your father, peace be with him, was an admiral. You’re on a first name basis with half of the top brass.” As Janeway clenched her jaw and stared him down, he went on, “If all of that is true, and you’re still worried, then tell me why they would treat my people any better than they would treat you.” Again, before she could answer, he hovered right over her and said, “Let’s hear it, Kathryn…and don’t give me any of the Starfleet protocol bullshit because I didn’t buy it then, and I won’t this time either.”

As Seven of Nine stood up immediately and Torres started toward them, tense and a few moments from belting the man, saying, “Hey! What the fuck?” the captain held up her hand to B’Elanna, stopping her from coming any closer, but didn’t take her eyes off of her first officer. When the chief stopped dead in her tracks, but Seven came over to Kathryn’s side of the room and took a seat on the chair, making her potentially lethal presence acutely felt by the commander, silently informing him that she would not hesitate to reprimand him in her own way if he wasn’t careful, Janeway lowered her hand and said, cool since she suddenly felt like she was being attacked, “I know what you’re doing…and damn you for even trying it.”

Chakotay understood the reaction and knew he deserved it, but right now that didn’t matter. He wasn’t going to take it personal and it certainly wasn’t the first time Kathryn had said something similar to him…nor was this the first time he’d disappointed or hurt her. Yes, he was acting purposefully right now, but he was doing so for the benefit of them all, her included, and he honestly believed that only way he was going to break down the wall she’d had up all night was to get inside of her barrier and force her to take them down herself since he knew it really was impossible to do so without Janeway’s help. He knew tactics to use to worm his way inside, but to this day he hadn’t figured out how to break through her command mask on his own. Thus, crossing his arms over his wide chest, but not stepping back at all, he merely nodded once and remained silent.

Jumping in again, beyond worried now for Janeway since on any day this topic would be difficult for Kathryn, but since Torres knew from witnessing the event, she furthermore knew that the redhead was extraordinarily sensitive to any conversation that mentioned her father right now, the chief started in a warning tone, “Back the hell off, Chakotay…I mean it.” When he didn’t look at her, nor did Janeway look away from him, B’Elanna glanced at Seven, who was looking at the two commanders carefully, then tried a new tactic, “Kathryn…listen to me…you don’t ha…”

“It’s fine, Lanna…I’ll play along,” Janeway finally spoke again. When Torres shook her head and said, “No, it doesn’t matter,” Kathryn turned to look at her and said, low and quiet, “B’Elanna…”

Standing and barking at the Klingon when she looked as though she was going to continue to protest, Seven of Nine finally spoke for the first time, “tammoH! (Be silent).” When Janeway and Chakotay looked over at her, stunned and speechless for a moment, and Torres tensed, then relented, turned around and grabbed her beer, Seven walked past Chakotay and whispered to him, leaving out her typical threat that he did not comply she would be displeased since she felt it didn’t need to be said, “You may proceed…carefully.”

As the commander turned toward her and raised his eyebrows, Janeway sighed and rubbed her forehead, then said, “This isn’t going to get us anywhere.” Looking up Chakotay, she informed, “I don’t want to fight with you, Chakotay…we’re all in this together.”

Turning back to the captain, Chakotay responded, “If that’s what you really think, Kathryn, then get off your Starfleet high horse for once in your life and open your ears. Listen to what you’re saying…what you’re really saying.”

As Torres turned around again and tensed, which Janeway could see out of the corner of her eye, Kathryn took a step in that direction, keeping herself between Chakotay and the Klingon, knowing B’Elanna well enough that if Chakotay kept this up she most likely would attack him, and god only knew what Seven would do. While she did that, she asked in the same breath, “And what is it that I’m saying…exactly?”

“You’re saying that you don’t trust them to make the right decision where you, one of theirs, is concerned, but that I should trust them to turn the other cheek for me and my people,” Chakotay answered with more emotion than he typically showed.

“Chakotay,” Kathryn came right back, “you know damn well that a higher standard comes with higher rank.” Speaking with her hands, she went on immediately, “The way you talk, you act like they’re going to have you two swinging from the gallows and that I somewhere along the line missed the execution order.” When Chakotay raised his eyebrows again and crossed his arms over his chest, Janeway huffed and said, “That’s absurd…and I don’t care what you say…I’ll never believe it.” Frustrated, Janeway turned away and informed, calmly as she started pacing, and rubbing her neck, “I’m the woman that was sent to find you both. I know what you’ve done. I know the charges against you…I was personally briefed by three admirals the night before we disembarked, and,” spinning around, “in case you’ve forgotten, no matter what you’ve done, the Federation does not execute criminals. We never have, not even on this ship when one of our was murdered, and we’re not about to start now.”

“Tell me something, Kathryn,” Chakotay said, turning to her, “what did those admirals tell you about me and B’Elanna?” Not letting her answer, he asked, “Did they explain why they’d sent Tuvok to infiltrate me…exactly…even though the last five spies were never heard from again?” As Janeway froze and blinked, he went on, “Did they ever tell you why they gave you the most advanced ship in the fleet, a ship created to destroy, just to hunt down a rogue Maquis cell? Did they tell you exactly why that was?” Shaking his head as Torres sighed and sat down, covering her face and pulling Seven of Nine over to the couch with her, not wanting the Borg to be by herself when this stuff started to come out for fear it would scare her like she’d never been scared before, Chakotay said, “I know they didn’t, Kathryn…but honestly, I was never completely certain until you and I were stranded on New Earth.”

Walking up to her slowly as Kathryn remained confused and still, he said softly, “Not until you told me how much it hurt you to know that you were going to miss being able to see the looks on the brass’ face when you showed up with me as your first officer and B’Elanna as your chief engineer.” Smiling slightly, relaxing, he said, “You laughed at the serious look on my face, remember?” When Janeway blinked and nodded, frowning, Chakotay asked, “Do you remember what happened next?”

Looking down for a brief moment, supremely glad her first officer was blocking her view of her girlfriends on the couch since she was certain she would have glanced over at them instead, Janeway sighed and asked, “Where’s this going?”

Whispering, understanding her uneasiness, Chakotay said, “Trust me, Kathryn…just finish the story.”

Finally, Janeway looked back to him, not bothering to whisper since Seven would undoubtedly hear her, even though she’d never told either of her girlfriends about that event, and answered, “Alright…if I recall correctly…you kissed me.” Side-stepping him, not because she didn’t want to be around him, but because she didn’t want to seem like she was hiding from her lovers and give them the impression that there was anything between she and Chakotay any more other than the love that comes with long command, friendship and family ties, the captain added as she went to her coffee, talking to Chakotay but looking at Torres and Seven, who didn’t seem upset, but they were definitely tense, “After that, I went for a long walk.”

Nodding, Chakotay continued the story, not looking at anyone other than his captain, “That’s right. When you came back, I was making dinner, and before I could explain, you apologized for being adolescent…as you put it. Then you told me you were engaged to be married, and even though that didn’t really matter now since all of your equipment had been destroyed and we knew we’d probably never get off the planet, it was going to take you a little while to deal with that, but that I shouldn’t take it personally since it wasn’t about me. I told you that I understood and that I had nothing but time on my hands. Then you laughed, sighed and hugged me.” As Janeway turned around and started rubbing her forehead as she informed him she didn’t understand the point, Chakotay came up behind her, grabbed her hands and said and he wrapped his arms around her, rested his chin on her head and turned them toward the Torres and Seven, explaining to all of them before both the Klingon and the Borg attacked him, “And you did it for so long, that I burned dinner.” When both Torres and Seven smirked at that, neither of them at all jealous, in truth, since they had no doubts that no matter what anyone might feel for her, she loved them, and them only, Chakotay relaxed some and finished, “The smoke detector went off and we spent the next twenty minutes trying to get the smoke out of the house to shut the damn thing off. After that, we laughed, you informed me you weren’t hungry anyway, kissed my cheek and then went to bed…and I never got to tell you the reason I kissed you in the first place…well, other than the obvious reasons...because the next day Voyager contacted us…and we never discussed it.”

Releasing the captain’s hands and placing his hand on her shoulders, the starship’s executive officer said, “I kissed you because I finally knew for certain that you weren’t just a part of the Federation’s plan to kill me before I had a chance to execute my plan to expose the corruption I’d discovered…yes, you were part of the plan, but you were just a pawn, Kathryn…you’re not one of them. And because I knew that for sure, I realized just how much you’d sacrificed to save the Ocampa.”

As B’Elanna leaned forward and rested her forearms on her knees as she rubbed her ridges, then reached over and took a hold of Seven’s hand, Kathryn turned around and asked, “One of who?” Then holding up her hand, Janeway shook her head and said, “Wait…just wait…go back some…to where you wanted to know why I’m worried about my command.” When Chakotay nodded, she asked, “Why was that important?”

“I just wanted you to hear yourself saying that they would disparage one of their own, but not an enemy.”

Shaking her head as she bent down and snatched up her coffee, the captain explained, “That’s where you’re wrong, Chakotay.” After taking a sip, she sighed and said while she turned around and started explaining, regaining her command of her temper, “All of those things I said before are absolutely true, but just as quickly as my legacy can help me...and us…it can hurt me, but me alone.” The captain turned back to them and said, stone faced, “My grandfather was killed trying to save his crew when his vessel was boarded, and my father was one of the most decorated admiral’s in all of Starfleet when he died. When I joined the Academy, there were many people that disliked me immediately because of that…because he was also a very proud father and made sure everyone knew that…and knew that I was his daughter…that I was a Janeway.” Shaking her head, Janeway looked over at Torres and Seven for a moment, then back to Chakotay and went on, “I’ve had to work doubly hard my entire career to get out from underneath that shadow, especially his, and gain the respect of Starfleet as my own person, and not merely Edward Janeway’s little girl.” Setting down her coffee, and clearing her throat, she pointed at him quickly and said, “That’s why I’m worried, Chakotay. You should have heard the fuss that several admirals and captains made when I got Voyager, and before I left, Owen told me personally that this mission was absolutely critical to my career, and that if I wasn’t successful, I’d be lucky to ever get another starship command. He knew it was bureaucratic bullshit since he’s the one that convinced me to go into command, but the truth was that all my efforts hadn’t done me a damn bit of good. The fact that I made captain at thirty wasn’t seen as an accomplishment…it was seen as a favor.” Turning around, becoming slightly frustrated for the situation that continued to haunt her, even on the other side of the galaxy, Janeway continued on, speaking with her hands and showing her discontent, “Everything I’d ever done had two sides to it. Half of the fleet thought it was brilliant, the other half though it was the fruits of favoritism, but never did I once get a handshake where my father’s name wasn’t spoken.” Shrugging and placing her hands on her hips as she looked out the window, Kathryn said, “And maybe they were right…maybe my success was simply because I’m a Janeway so I had better opportunities, but the fact is that it never mattered that I never once used that to my advantage…I was…I am expected to live up to the standards that have been set for me by simply being a Janeway. And,” turning back around, “those standards are exponentially higher than they would be if I wasn’t. That’s why I worry about my command.” Shaking her head as Chakotay sighed and looked down, Janeway said, “Not because of the rules I’ve broken since I could stand up at my courtmartial and rattle off all of the times that I know of that each of those admirals broke the same rules under much less trying circumstances…but simply because my father never broke them, and that means I’ve failed.” Laughing sardonically, she stated, “I’m the easiest scapegoat that they could ever get their hands on…and if this looks bad for Starfleet, they won’t have much of a choice other than to show me the door. After all, I blew my last chance at redemption by breaking the Prime Directive right out of the chute and stranding one hundred and fifty people on the other side of the galaxy. So,” she stopped in front of Chakotay, “I know very well that they will treat me differently…I’ve got a lifetime of precedent to go on.”


 

“Okay,” Torres jumped in, several long minutes later, having heard enough of her Maquis partner’s talk that she knew he was not only trying to screw with Janeway’s head, but he wasn’t doing it as they’d planned, which was really starting to not only piss her the hell off, but worry her that perhaps Janeway wasn’t the only one about to learn some things tonight, “fuck this…I mean really...fuck it.” As Janeway and Chakotay turned to look at her, the chief said, trying to take the reigns back and formulate her own plan to circumvent Chakotay and Kathryn’s subtle saber-rattling battle of who knew better, leaving Seven’s side and coming up to the commanders, “I think it’s pretty clear that we’ve got a serious problem on our hands, and I think it’s time we stop thinking about a defense and concentrate on an offense.” Holding up her hand, B’Elanna said, “Just hear me out.” Then not waiting for permission, B’Elanna started as she began walking around the captain’s quarters, “There are two big things we’ve got on our side. One, they don’t know we’re coming and two, Chakotay and I still have some of our information on them. It’s not as definitive since I was only able to download half of it before we rammed the Kazon, but it’s still disturbing stuff. I say,” turning around to them, “when we go back, we don’t stop for anything until we’re right on their asses. Then we send out a broadcast on all frequencies announcing our arrival. I’ll call my mother at the same time, and we’ll get the High Council in on this since I’m sure they’d love to know some of the things the Federation has tried to do to them.” Snapping her fingers before Janeway could ask any questions, she added, “Nick says she knows some people who work in the media…so, if they try anything, we’ll have enough safeties in place to create the biggest story the Federation has ever seen.”

“And what do we do if they make her a hero and pardon us without any prompting?” asked Chakotay, scratching his tattoo.

Shrugging, Torres answered, “We live happily ever after,” forcing a smile, uncertain as to what Chakotay was thinking, “and all that shit.”

As Chakotay sighed and turned around, starting to pace, then asked where would they live, B’Elanna understood what he was getting at with that, and said, “I don’t know, the Empire…a ship…some rock in the middle of nowhere where they can’t touch us…at least we’d all be together.” Stepping up to Janeway, and putting her arm around her waist, the Klingon said to the first officer, “If we can get away clean...then let’s do it. Let’s just let them know that we’ll leave them alone as long as they leave us alone and go on our way.”

Shaking his head, Chakotay said, understanding the desire to do so in truth, but knowing B’Elanna didn’t know the whole story, which he believed he did, which kept him from being able to comply, and also believed that once Torres heard it, she’d feel the same, “I don’t think that’s something I can do, B’Elanna…and honestly,” he went on as he turned around, “I’m surprised that you can.”

Torres took her arm away from the captain, who was remaining quiet, although having difficulty since she figured she learn more by listening now rather than demanding answers, and said as she approached him, speaking quietly, “Don’t do this right now, Chakotay...I mean it. We don’t need this shit...not right now...just let me...”

“No,” he came right back, cutting her off, “I will do this right now. That’s why we’re here...to figure out how to stop these people.”

“You stop that shit right now!” Torres growled getting is face. Then playing into his hand before she even realized what she was doing, she said, “We’re here to figure out how to survive in our new lives...not how to get back into our old ones...and I’m not gonna let you do whatever the hell it is that you’re trying to do! Aren’t you tired of fighting with them? Aren’t you tired of looking over your shoulder?”

“Yes, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t do everything in my power to put a stop to them,” Chakotay came right back. “How can I live with myself, knowing what I know, and just ignoring that and going on with my life just because I’m tired? It doesn’t change anything, B’Elanna…nothing has changed. What about all of our friends that lost their lives because of the cause? What about all the innocent people they used?” As Torres started shaking her head quickly and saying, “Don’t do this...I’m warning you,” he added, “I’m just supposed to forget about them because I’m tired?”

Still shaking her head, Torres stepped closer to him and screamed, “I can’t believe you’re saying this! What about all those times you told me to get over my anger when we were stuck out here and had to leave them all behind?” Frustrated and doing her damnedest to figure out the best way to handle this degrading situation, knowing the game was definitely afoot, a very old game that they were both well versed in, B’Elanna took a step back and asked, turning around, but still speaking heatedly, “What about all those times you told me to move on with my life and just accept it?” Shrugging, the Klingon said with attitude, facing him again, “Oh what…is it really too much for me to expect you to practice what you preach, Commander?”

“No, dammit,” Chakotay spat, “but that was then. This is now, B’Elanna…this is now, us going home. That wasn’t happening then and I needed you to hang on and help me do my job. We can’t do anything out here, but we can when we get home…and I never told you to forget…just to accept that there was nothing we could do right then.” As B’Elanna sighed, shaking her head and turned around again, the commander said, “If we don’t finish this, then we’re no better than them.”

“The hell we aren’t!” Torres said as she spun around, nostrils flaring some. “We are,” she pounded her fist into her thigh, “better…and we will be better because we’re trying to live a better life. I’m talking a real life, Chakotay…a life where we do something constructive for once and make something out of ourselves. We never got anywhere in this fight except pathetic and beaten. No more covert operations. No more ambushes. No more lying and stealing. I’m tired of that shit…I’m tired of dealing with the scum of the fucking galaxy…I’m tired of fighting all of the goddamned time. I’ve had enough.” Running her hands through her hair, she said, “I can’t fucking believe you’re doing this now...I can’t believe you want to go back to that kind of life after what we’ve had just to make a fucking point that we never could figure out how to do in the first place. If we don’t have to fight...why should we?”

Grabbing her hook line and sinker, he said, egging her on, “Those are awfully weak words coming from a Klingon.”

As Seven of Nine stood up immediately and Janeway said, surprised which was clear in her somewhat gasp, “Chakotay…” Torres turned around immediately and swung her balled fist at his head, knowing he’d said that on purpose, but feeling the need to act anyway not to only teach him a lesson for playing her, but for how she’d spoken to Kathryn earlier. Since that was the reaction he was hoping for, and he’d boxed with B’Elanna enough to know that she always lead with her right, he brought up his hand immediately and blocked it, grabbing ahold. But the one thing he hadn’t remembered was that Torres was also a member of the Elite Force and had trained extensively with Nicole Fowler, so when she followed up immediately with a left and connected with his jaw as Seven, took one step forward but was quickly stopped with crisp, “Seven…stay out of this…” Chakotay let go of her arm as his head was turned. When she followed that again with much fiercer right hook, he was turned around, and knocked to one knee.

While Chakotay brought his hand up to his bloodied lip, Torres snarled, reigning herself in before she did something she knew she’d regret, although that hadn’t occurred yet, “You wanna talk about being a hypocrite, then take a good look in the mirror at your bloodied face! If you really want to be remembered as a martyr, and aren’t just trying to play your fucking game, that’s fine, but you’re not going to drag me down this road with you this time. If you’ve still got something to prove before you can find your peace…that fucking peace that you preach about all the time, then go on your quest, just don’t expect me to go with you.” While he stood up and wiped more blood from his chin, B’Elanna finished, “I’ve found my peace, and I don’t need you or anyone else to tell me how or why that’s not possible just because you can’t understand it. The only thing I’ll fight for now is to keep my family safe…and I won’t risk their lives for anyone’s cause. There’s no dishonor in that…none.” Turning around and running her hands through her hair, B’Elanna added quickly as she started toward the bedroom door, “Don’t ever question my honor or my loyalty again…you’ll come up short every time so long as you keep fucking me over to prove a point...’cause I can still take care of business the Maquis way…even if I don’t want to anymore.”


 

After Seven had gone after B’Elanna, not making any comment to Chakotay even though she wanted to but knew she shouldn’t because it was clearly not her place, Kathryn Janeway sighed heavily as she grabbed a napkin and handed it her bruised first officer. As he took it and started cleaning himself up, Janeway asked softly, knowing him well enough to know he had said that purposefully, “Why did you do that?” She didn’t bother to remind him that Torres could have killed him right then and there and there would have been nothing she could do about it since she figured he knew that too. Janeway never really believed that B’Elanna would kill him, but considering it was widely known that Klingons killed for their “own motives” and never felt the need to justify it, one could never be absolutely certain.

She also had a definite feeling there was some somewhat unspoken battle going on other than the one they verbalized, but since she’d never seen them operate in their full Maquis mode, she honestly couldn’t be certain what was behind what she’d just witnessed. She didn’t know if it was about them being whisked away before they could either be captured, killed, or left the Maquis on their own, and underlying, unresolved issues they had with that, or a long-standing conflict between them that was resurfacing now that the prospect of returning was very real...or if it was a totally new issue. In truth, if Kathryn ever thought there was going to be an issue with one of them letting go of their life, it would have been the other way around since she’d heard Chakotay tell her himself how he’d found peace out here by her side, and since Torres was a Klingon, that seemed to make more sense. But she also knew the chief well enough to know that the words she’d just spoken with a great deal passionate execution were absolutely how she felt...so the only thing left to find out was just what Chakotay was doing that was riling Torres so much, other than him questioning her honor.

Sighing, Chakotay answered, not telling the whole story, as he moved his jaw back and forth, testing it out for more severe damage other than a busted lip, “Because I needed to know how she truly felt and that she wasn’t just quitting because she’s in love with you.” When Janeway sighed and rolled her eyes, shaking her head, confused and incensed by his tactics, the commander laughed softly and said, “God, I forgot how good of a right hook she has.”

“I can’t believe you’re making jokes,” Kathryn spat as she turned around and started rubbing her forehead, feeling a first class headache coming on, more than likely due to the fact that her jaw had been clenched so tight through the last hour or so that she was surprised she hadn’t cracked some of her molars. When Chakotay informed her that it wasn’t a joke and she’d understand if she’d ever been belted by B’Elanna Janeway spun around and said, “I’ve had enough of this. It’s time to finish this conversation. What exactly is it that you two think you know that I don’t?”

“We’ll get to that in a minute,” Chakotay came back as he left her side and started for the bedroom. “Don’t go anywhere…I’ll be back.” Ignoring Janeway’s hail as to what he was doing, the commander opened the door on the bedroom and said, “Seven, I need a few minutes with B’Elanna.”

As the blonde marched out of the bedroom after stopping next to Chakotay and whispering something into his ear, which he responded to by saying, “Understood,” Kathryn pinched her nose, figuring Seven had threatened him in some manner and asked, “Please tell me that she’s alright?”

Having a much better understanding of the situation, and that what she’d just witnessed was nothing but an elaborate back up plan, designed by Chakotay to get Kathryn out of her element in hopes that when they did lay it all on the line, she be more inclined to hear what they were saying to her instead of playing devil’s advocate or standing up for Starfleet, which was typical behavior, Seven of Nine replied crisply, “She is undamaged and the commander is fortunate that he is not…beyond repair.” That certainly wasn’t a lie since even though Torres hadn’t elaborated about her ‘involvement’ in Chakotay’s plan, Seven knew her lover well enough as well to know she hadn’t been acting, and furthermore believed she adamantly been fighting against the commander’s ‘game plan’ once she realized what was occurring. Because B’Elanna had told her not to tell Janeway what Chakotay was doing and to let her handle it, and that if she had to, she’d tell the captain herself, but right now it was best to let her and Chakotay battle it out, Seven didn’t mention to Kathryn at all that indeed Chakotay was acting peculiar, and doing so very purposefully.

As her lover stopped in front of her, Kathryn sighed again and said, reaching out to the Borg’s arms, “I’m sorry you had to see that. I don’t know what’s gotten into him…he’s never acted like this before.” As Seven raised her eyebrows, irritated, Janeway squeezed her arm a small amount and said, “Are you alright?” Before Seven could answer, she added quickly, “If you want to leave…you don’t have to stay. I certainly wouldn’t blame you.”

Certain Kathryn was trying to get her out of the conversation, Seven informed, not letting on that she saw right through Janeway’s words, “It is ‘fine,’ Kathryn. I will not attempt to harm the commander. It is B’Elanna Torres’ quarrel, not mine.” Of course, she didn’t tell her that she would make it her quarrel quickly if when Chakotay and Torres came out of the bedroom, they hadn’t resolved whatever issue they were having and the commander continued attacking each of them, especially Kathryn since the redhead would allow much more abuse than would B’Elanna, and the Klingon had pretty much made it clear that Chakotay had reached his limit with her. Since Janeway wasn’t a physically violent person, by nature, up-bringing, and training, Seven figured she’d just reprimand him and then walk away, informing him he’d disappointed her, but at this point, Seven wasn’t certain she’d let it stand at that an not do for Kathryn what she couldn’t do herself. As Janeway started rubbing her forehead again, Seven put her arms around the redhead and asked, “How are you functioning? This conversation is undoubtedly difficult for you…and I am certain it is not occurring as you wished it would have.” Kissing the top of Janeway’s head as the captain sighed into the nap of her neck and laughed once, sarcastically, the blonde asked, “Do you require more coffee?”

“No, I’m fine, but thank you,” Kathryn replied, pulling away and looking up. Then kissing Seven’s chin quickly, she said, “Why don’t you go sit down and rest…you’ve been on your feet most of the night.”

Since the stress of all of the recent events was definitely tiring her out, Seven agreed easily, worried that if she didn’t comply Kathryn would become more uneasy and also concerned that if she didn’t rest she’d never make it through the entire conversation without dozing off since although she’d rested a great deal the last few days, she hadn’t gotten a whole lot of sleep. After eyeing the plate of brownies for a second, deciding that one more of the chocolate squares wouldn’t cause her to vomit as she had before when she’d eaten too much of her birthday cake, Seven snatched one of the deserts up, then sat back in the chair and kicked up her feet.

Smiling slightly at Seven, finding it cute that a Borg would have such a weakness for sweets, Kathryn slapped her communicator and said, “Janeway to Tuvok,” definitely feeling like it was time to bring in her oldest friend, which would hopefully help calm the rest of them and bring a little order to the evening. She certainly didn’t like the fact that she was having such difficulty maintaining things herself, but she was the captain, and a good captain knew when to swallow down her selfish pride and ask for assistance. It wasn’t going to do any good for her confidence, but she didn’t plan to let that show in the least, and she’d battled through situations before where she was less than sure of herself and come out on top, so she was confident that with Tuvok to assist her, that is exactly what would happen.

Since he was expecting the hail, the commander merely said, “On my way. Tuvok out.”

When Seven of Nine raised her eyebrows at her, Janeway turned up one corner of her cheek and allowed, “Sometimes a little Vulcan logic is exactly what these types of situations require. Besides,” she sighed and shook her head, “maybe he’ll help keep the bloodshed to a bare minimum.”

“As the commander would say,” Seven smirked at her captain, “a wise precaution.”

Laughing softly, mostly to release tension, but also in endearment since it seemed that no matter how bad the situation got, as long as Seven was there and they weren’t on opposite sides of the playing field, Kathryn could also find a reason to smile, Janeway said as her door call sounded, “Come in.” When Tuvok appeared and stepped inside, but looked around, noticed the closed bedroom door and seemed to understand, Kathryn approached him, saying, “I hope you brought your pocket sized bat’leth…”

“I was not aware that this was a B.Y.O.B. engagement,” replied the Vulcan, his ultra-dry sense of wit, never-ending to tickle the good captain. As Janeway expelled the air from her chest and narrowed her eyes at him for teasing her, the Vulcan went over to the replicator and ordered a cup of tea, not wanting to get into what he needed to discuss with Janeway immediately. There were two reasons for that: one, he needed to find out what had been spoken thus far—although, considering Janeway wasn’t demanding answers from him, he assumed Chakotay and B’Elanna hadn’t informed her of the information they had—and two, he didn’t want to do so in Seven of Nine’s presence…at least not unless it was unavoidable. While he started for the couch and Seven of Nine greeted him pleasantly, Tuvok was just about to return the greeting and inquire as to her well being when his communicator sounded, “Chakotay to Tuvok.”

Blinking her eyes and snapping her head up to the Vulcan as he raised his eyebrows, Janeway clenched her jaw, pivoted and stormed toward her bedroom door. Slapping her hand to the sensor and standing in the doorway as Torres and Chakotay sat on the edge of her bed and looked over at her, stunned, Kathryn ordered, “Both of you…in the living room…now.” When each of them stood, but furrowed their brows at her, not sure what was going on, Janeway informed, “Tuvok’s here...I already called him,” then turned and went back into the living room, and when Seven of Nine looked over at her and then down immediately, Kathryn realized that there was much more going on than she first thought, and furthermore that it seemed that she was again going into battle alone. And what was worse, she hadn’t any idea what was coming or what she was going to do about it…and that was never a good feeling for anyone, but especially a starship captain.


 

While Janeway’s stomach began to tighten mercilessly and the night’s events started to replay over and over in her head as she instinctively began searching for answers, flaws in her judgment, and anything that would help her get a grip on what was occurring, she watched as Chakotay and then Torres filed out of the bedroom, silent. When B’Elanna hung her head as she saw Tuvok sitting on the couch, silent and impassive, and the Klingon cursed under her breath as they walked back to the couch, Janeway said, “Have a seat.”

As they did so, the captain, with her arms crossed over her chest, slowly walked up to where Seven of Nine was sitting, looking down into her lap where a the crumb filled napkin lay. Her voice almost silent as she hovered near the ex-drone, Janeway queried, keeping the hurt out of her voice, “Were you a part of this?” When she saw Seven’s eyes lift just enough so that she could tell she was looking to Torres for assistance, Janeway said louder, “Seven…”

When Seven of Nine looked up at Janeway, B’Elanna rose to her feet and said, “Kathryn, don’t yell at her…it’s not her fault,” but her tone wasn’t harsh…she was merely fessing up that she’d informed Seven what was happening after the Borg made it pretty well known that she was about five seconds away from punching Chakotay herself.

Rather pissed off at her Klingon lover, on many levels, Janeway snapped her head toward the chief and barked, “I wasn’t speaking to you, Lieutenant…sit down,” using Torres’ most professional title to inform her that the way the conversation had gone currently was not how it was going to be conducted now.

B’Elanna got the not so subtle hint, but refused to take it since this wasn’t about their job, this was about their family, and not only was she not going to let Janeway try to change that, she wasn’t going to let her hide behind her rank. Torres had been telling Janeway the absolute truth earlier when she said she trusted her enough to let her make the decisions, but what she hadn’t said was when exactly she would trust her...and she couldn’t do that now, especially when Chakotay had playing with her all night. It wasn’t that the engineer believed Kathryn would betray her, but she couldn’t leave it in her hands now until Janeway knew everything, and she wasn’t going to let that stuff come out without her to make sure it was done carefully in order to protect Janeway. The reason for that was simple: until Kathryn believed and took the threat seriously, she was in as much danger as they were simply by being ignorant to it. B’Elanna didn’t want to hurt her redheaded lover by not submitting entirely to her game plan, but as long as Janeway was in danger of being used again, she wouldn’t let anything stop her from making certain something was done about it.

After glancing over at Tuvok, uncertain if the Vulcan would jump in and turn this into a protocol/reprimand kind of situation, B’Elanna gambled that he wouldn’t once he got up to speed on what was happening and said, coming up to Janeway quickly, “No, I will not sit down.” As Janeway turned back toward her and warned her with her eyes not to do what she was currently doing, B’Elanna went on boldly, “I’m not dishonoring you, Kathryn…but I’m not going to let you turn this into a staff meeting. It won’t work like that...not this time.”

Thoroughly incensed and feeling as though her command was currently being made a mockery of in front of her highest ranking officers, by her highest ranking officers, Kathryn said, quiet and ice cold, “In the bedroom.” As B’Elanna turned immediately and started for the door, Janeway said to the others, “Don’t get too comfortable…I’m not through with you yet.”

Not waiting for any affirmations, sure none of them would leave, Kathryn breezed into the bedroom, half cocked and ready to fire. Slapping her hand against the sensor as Torres stood with her arms crossed in the center of the room, looking right at her, Janeway looked right back for a moment as she burned with anger and hurt, then blinked her fuzzy eyes, so confused she suddenly didn’t know what to say, let alone where to begin. B’Elanna had never defied her like this in years and years, and had never put her in such a terrible position by disobeying her directly in front of other officers, and to think that she would do so now really made zero sense to her considering B’Elanna followed her orders now better than she ever had. Then finally shaking her head, Kathryn said as her voice cracked some with emotion, “I don’t even know where to begin...”

Then taking a deep breath, the captain stepped up to her brunette lover and said as she looked at her directly in the eye, and spoke quietly and grave, “I want to know why you’re doing this. Tell me why you…you of all the people are making this happen.” As B’Elanna sighed then opened her mouth, the captain added, her voice breaking more, “And tell me the truth…I deserve at least that much from you.”

“The truth is that I never wanted you to know what you’re about to find out,” Torres started quietly, looking across at Janeway. Managing to hold the captain’s heartbroken, destructive gaze, B’Elanna said, “I don’t want you to know anymore than I want Seven to know…still right now, Kathryn…I don’t want you to know, but Chakotay says you have to know...and for him to say that about anyone, especially you...who’d he’d never endanger willingly, means you do. Chakotay and I never planned to tell you, but I never planned to fall in love with you either…and now, because of me…because you love me, Red…you have to know...I don’t know why totally, but he says you do.” Grabbing Janeway’s shoulders, she said, “When I told you I didn’t want you to hear this without me, I meant it, Kathryn. I meant it because your whole world is about to change. And I meant it because I don’t know if I can do this without you anymore…I need you, Red…but I don’t need her right now. I don’t need orders and protocol…I need love and support. That’s why I’m doing this…that’s why you can’t treat this like it’s just a mission.”

Shrugging away from B’Elanna’s grip on her, Janeway asked, wiping her eyes before they started to well up, “Why didn’t you just tell me? Why did you make me watch you fight with Chakotay?” Turning around, she said louder, and forceful, “Why did you let him ask those questions and let Seven watch you two fight when you knew it didn’t matter?”

B’Elanna shook her head and said, “No, Kathryn…he did that on his own, and he paid the price for it too.” Placing her hands on her hips, Torres explained to the confused captain, “I didn’t know he was going to do that, and when I warned him, I meant it. I knew he was going to try to ruffle your feathers if he thought you weren’t going to listen to what we had to say, but I didn’t know he was going to say that. All that shit at the end wasn’t fake, Red…at least not to me.” When Janeway crossed her arms over her chest and narrowed her eyes in frustration driven disbelief, Torres nodded and said, “Yes, I figured he was up to something, but I wasn’t going to let him turn this into a Maquis double-cross by using you or me against each other so I let him have it to remind him where I stand.” Sighing and rubbing her forehead, the chief acknowledged, “Look, I know you don’t understand…and I don’t expect you or want you to understand honestly. You’re not Maquis…you’re Starfleet and you’re good. It was bad, fucked up business that we used to do to get by…and what happened was just Chakotay showing you that he used to be part of a whole other life and that he knows what he’s talking about. That’s all that was, Kathryn…it was just to remind you that we really are Maquis, and that this is the real deal.”

“And what’s Seven’s part in all of this?” asked the captain, feeling like she was starting to understand, although that didn’t mean that she liked being played for a fool…at all.

“She doesn’t have one,” Torres informed quickly. “I told her it was just an act when I thought she was gonna go out there an assimilate him…just so she would stay out of it.”

“And what was discussed after she left?”

“He just came in and apologized for getting rough but told me he thought it was necessary,” the chief answered even. “I told him to leave you out of it and check with me first next time or I’d do more than bust his lip. He agreed and then told me that he thought we should call Tuvok and get him in here to make it easier on you…and I agreed.”

Swallowing silently, Janeway asked, “Tuvok knows what you’re going to tell me?”

“Yes,” Torres replied. “In fact, he gave us a good deal of information while he was with us…he probably knows more than anyone...maybe even Chakotay.” As Janeway sighed and rubbed her forehead, B’Elanna came up to her and said softly, “Chakotay didn’t just let any old person into his group, Red. I told you before there were spies amongst us, but only Seska and Tuvok lived to tell about it. Seska fooled us all, but Tuvok didn’t.” When Janeway quirked her mouth, B’Elanna put her hands on the captain’s shoulders and said, “Ask him tonight if he was just playing dress up with us…because I don’t think he was…and neither does Chakotay.”

Hardening instantly, Kathryn questioned, “Are you trying to tell me you think Tuvok was actually planning to join the Maquis?”

“Considering he kept feeding you all enough false intelligence so that no one could keep up with us,” B’Elanna came right back, almost whispering now, “and made no secret about what his mission had been…I think he was definitely planning to stay with us until he had enough information to really do something with it. Chakotay didn’t care because we weren’t the bad guys, Kathryn. We were fighting the bad guys and Tuvok was helping us.” Rubbing Kathryn’s neck, she whispered, “That’s why Chakotay was surprised when he immediately went to your side and never said a word. I’m not sure why he did that exactly…but I’m sure if you ask him, he’ll tell you.”

As she continued to look down, Janeway asked once she brought her gaze back to B’Elanna’s face, her eyes once again starting to shine with mist, “Why have you hidden this from me for all these years…and all these months that we’ve been together?”

“Because we realized that you weren’t the enemy,” the Klingon answered surely, “and it isn’t our practice to endanger the lives of innocent people.” Sighing and looking down, Torres informed, “We weren’t in any danger out here…at least not with them…so there wasn’t a need…and,” B’Elanna sighed again as she pressed her forehead to the captain’s, “we didn’t think you would believe us anyway. And why should you, really? It sounds crazy, but all that’s changed now.” Pulling Janeway into her arms, Torres said, “You have to know now because we are going home…and because I can’t let them use you again to get to us.” Squeezing Kathryn tight, she whispered, “They’ve done it before, baby…and they’ll do it again…so we’ve got to be ready.”

Deathly quiet, believing that B’Elanna wasn’t lying to her, but not sure if she was completely accurate and letting her bias against the Federation cloud her judgment, the captain asked, holding her tight, “Who, Lanna…who wants to hurt you…who are they?”

“They’re everyone and no one,” the chief came back, taking a deep breath and pulling away. Wiping her nose before she sniffled, Torres said, “I know that sounds like crazy, conspiracy shit, but it’s true Kathryn…I promise you.” Shaking her head, she added, “No one really knows who all they are. They live in the shadows like cowards and use people...people like you to do their dirty deeds...sometimes without them even knowing it, people help them.” When Janeway searched her eyes and seemed totally lost, B’Elanna took a deep breath and finished, “I can’t give you a definition...but they’re called Section 31.”

For a moment Janeway just stared into Torres’ eyes, unmoving. Then holding her hand to her mouth before she laughed as she realized Torres was being completely serious, not mocking her lover, just having a hard time thinking of anything else to do she was so tense, and suddenly realized there was no good reason for that...at least not to this degree, Kathryn said, “You’re not serious?” When B’Elanna looked at her like she was crazy and said, “Christ, Kathryn...yes!” Janeway turned around and said, “Ohgod.” The rubbing her forehead, she informed, “Lanna, Section 31 is an urban legend…a myth...that’s all it is.”

Turning around quickly, the captain informed, “Yes, there used to be a corrupt group of people in the Federation that held secret meetings and thought they were the chosen few that were destined to ensure the values of the Federation by doing terrible things to eliminate potential threats…but that’s all been dealt with. Section 31 was the name of the undercover Starfleet group the infiltrated them and turned them in. Once the press got a hold of it, the rumors spread from there and have propagated ever since.” Sighing, she said, “Darling, all Starfleet captains are briefed on Section 31…and the subsequent ongoing legend...as well as a handful of others.” When Torres shook her head and looked down, the captain added, stepping up to her, “Early in his career, my grandfather was part of Section 31…the group that brought them down, and my father did several follow-up investigations just to ensure that they’d wiped them out. I read his reports and my grandfather’s personal logs on the whole matter…they caught all of them the first time around, and that was almost a hundred years ago. There’s no one left…only good stories to tell around a camp fire.”

Torres nodded at that, and replied, “Right, yea okay. So, are we cool now?” When Janeway crossed her arms over her chest and pursed her lips at B’Elanna in disapproval, the engineer held up her hands and said, “I’m not going to go ten rounds with you about this…that’s not what this is about. You brought me in here to find out why, and I told you why. So, can we kiss and make up and finish this out there…or what?” Stepping up to Janeway, the chief finished, “I don’t wanna fight with you, Kathryn. I’m tired of fighting, and I’m ready to let you call the shots about how we’ll deal with this, but I’m not gonna leave you alone until I know it’s cool and I wasn’t kidding when I said I wasn’t going to let you turn this into a staff meeting.” As the captain sighed and looked down at her feet, Torres grabbed her chin softly and raised it, saying, “Look at me, Red…this is me, Lanna…and I love you…you know that…but it’s time for you to do as I’m asking you to do.” When Janeway looked up at her but didn’t say anything, Torres finished, “I’m not asking you to break your old man’s rules…I’m telling you that right now, right here, we need you to listen and trust us. This isn’t just your fight, cowgirl…this is our fight and it’s not gonna work unless you put her to bed for a while.”

Closing her eyes for a moment, Kathryn made her decision fairly easily since no matter what Torres thought they knew, she was certain she was well-versed in the subject enough to know that the impending conversation about Section 31 would be fairly quick, so, she said, smirking modestly, “Will you still respect me in the morning?”

Smiling, and exhaling with relief, Torres hugged Janeway and whispered, “Considering I still respected you this morning after what you did to me last night…I’d say your chances are good.” Then squeezing her tighter, she whispered, “You know I respect you…always…always, baby.” Pulling away, she added, smirking, “You’re Kathryn Fucking Janeway for Kahless sakes…that means people ought to know better to fuck with you…including me…and if you don’t believe me, just take a look at the old man’s lip. I’m on your side, Red…we’re not fighting here okay?”

“Alright,” Janeway nodded, then said as they started for the door, “but if I may make a suggestion,” she tried to relax, “I think we should forget about trying to get Seven to leave. She’ll see right through that now…”

Grabbing Janeway’s hand, B’Elanna pulled them toward the living room and said, “Aye, Captain,” as she winked at the redhead and opened the door, knowing that Kathryn would change her mind really quick once things started to come out, but she was just trying to keep Kathryn relaxed right now. As she walked, she prepared herself to get Seven away first and foremost, and then run back to Janeway as quick as possible, figuring, praying that would work since with Tuvok there, she figured Kathryn might take the news better...and he certainly wouldn’t come at her with both barrels blazing like Chakotay. Then under her breath, she whispered, “Okay, here we go.”


 

“Gentlemen…Seven,” Janeway greeted evenly as she walked out of the room with Torres, hand in hand, “have a seat…if you’d like.”

When Seven turned away from the replicator with a silver mug that could only be coffee in hand, took a sip and eyed her closely, then turned back to the device, B’Elanna whispered to Janeway, “You sit with her…she’s pissed at me.”

Nodding as Seven of Nine turned back around and Torres took a seat on the edge of the couch, putting Chakotay in the middle and Tuvok next to him, Janeway took one of the mugs from Seven, knowing it was a peace offering and said, “Thank you.” Then putting her arm around her waist, she patted it and said, “Why don’t you sit in the chair and I’ll sit on the foot rest, hmm?”

“Very well, Captain,” Seven said as she started forward.

As the tall Borg sat down and moved the footstool so that Janeway would have plenty of room, Kathryn waited for Seven to get situated before she moved it until it was against the chair and said to everyone, while Torres started biting her fingernails but smirked, “I’m under orders to get off my Starfleet high horse, which apparently,” now seated with the side of her body between Seven’s legs as the Borg made room for her, and resting her elbow on her lover’s thigh while propping up her head, “is a rather high horse, so,” she smirked as Tuvok raised his eyebrow and allowed, “Indeed,” not agreeing, just surprised, and finished, “if I slip up on my way down, I’m sure you all will understand.”

Smiling as Chakotay and Torres snickered some as the first officer put his arm around his friend and whispered, “Good job, kid,” Seven of Nine relaxed back and carefully brought her Borg hand to the back of Janeway’s neck in a silent show of understanding and support for how difficult such a thing was for the captain to submit to. When Janeway bowed her head some at the touch, turned it to her, and smirked, Seven leaned forward and said openly, before she kissed her temple, “I am in love with you and I wish you to know that every day.”

Closing her eyes and pressing her forehead to Seven’s thigh as Torres smiled brightly, and the males simply glanced at each other and raised their eyebrows, Kathryn Janeway took a deep breath and then whispered, “I really hate you sometimes.”

Smiling in success as she sat back, Seven of Nine said, “I hate you as well.” Then taking a sip of her coffee, she looked over to the group on the couch and said, prepared to take the lead in this conversation for Kathryn, and to continue to adapt to standing on her own two feet, independent in preparation for the day when it was possible she would have to go to bat for both of her lovers in a social structure she’d never experienced completely, “Chakotay.” When the commander glanced over to her, surprised somewhat since the blonde had never referred to him by only his name before, Seven cocked her eyebrow and said, “Perhaps you should inform Kathryn as to why you hailed Tuvok.”

Laughing once while Janeway, who was still resting her head on Seven’s leg laughed once as well, and Torres allowed her famous crazy grin, Chakotay sat forward, trying to stretch his tense back and said, “Yes, Ma’am.” Then clearing his throat, he glanced to Tuvok, then over to B’Elanna, and then to Janeway and said, “Alright, I hailed him because I didn’t think you’d believe me if I told you, but I figured you’d believe it coming from him.”

Raising her head, Janeway said, “You’re talking about Section 31.” When Chakotay sat frozen for a minute then blinked when Torres elbowed him, informing him that she’d told her, Janeway looked over to her Vulcan friend, who was looking to Seven of Nine and said as she looked back to Chakotay, “Do you know that Section 31 is considered an urban legend…and that all Starfleet captains are briefed on it?” When Chakotay looked over to Tuvok, surprised, and the Vulcan nodded his head, Kathryn focused on him and asked, “Then you know my grandfather was part of the ‘real’ Section 31?”

“What?” Chakotay allowed.

Turning to the commander, Kathryn sighed and explained, “Section 31 was the Starfleet force sent to infiltrate a small group of vigilantes that were doing some rather unsavory things in the name of the Federation. Apparently, from what they discovered, they’ve been around from the inception of the Federation and were a ‘shadow’ branch of the government. My grandfather’s mentor was the commanding officer in charge of Section 31. After they were disbanded and brought to justice, the story was leaked to the press and thus became the legend of Section 31…as the name of the corrupt group of nameless, faceless people that arrange everything from kidnappings to assassinations.” As Chakotay started shaking his head, Kathryn sighed and said, “I’ve read all of the reports on it, and my grandfather’s personal logs during that time...as well as the follow up work my father did on it to ensure there were no further uprisings… and nothing has ever made me believe that their mission wasn’t successful.” Looking to Seven for a moment and then to Torres, Janeway finished, “If there is another group running amuck and calling themselves Section 31, Starfleet doesn’t know anything about it…at least they didn’t before I left.”

“On the contrary, Kathryn,” Tuvok broke in, doing his part to keep this as unofficial as possible, “some of Starfleet is aware. In fact,” he went on as she looked over at him, serious, he nodded to Chakotay and Torres, and said, “several members wear Starfleet uniforms…and at least one of them was a member of your father’s task force.”

Tensing, unable to stop herself, Janeway said, “That group was the best of the best, Tuvok…they were all hand picked by my father due to the security concerns...he had to know and trust all of them...implicitly.” When Tuvok nodded, Kathryn narrowed her eyes some and said, “Then who…who was it…because I’ve met all of them several times?”

“For certain, Admiral Denaway,” Tuvok answered, knowing his captain was about to explode into a ball of emotion.

Standing up immediately, as everyone except Tuvok tensed, Janeway schooled, growling some, “The hell he was!” Then turning around and pinching her nose, she shrugged away from Seven as the Borg stood and attempted to console her, Kathryn reminded after she mumbled under her breath as to how she couldn’t believe this was actually even being discussed, “Perry Denaway died tragically as a three star admiral, Tuvok…and that was nearly twenty years after he was a part of my father’s investigation task force.” Then spinning around, she put her hands on her hips and added, “He was also my father’s best friend. They were like brothers.” Pointing at her chest, she said, “I was at his funeral. His wife stayed at our ranch for two months after he died.” Folding her arms to keep them in check, she finished, “For Christ sakes, I called him Uncle Perry during most of my childhood!”

When Chakotay hung his head and B’Elanna jumped up and started pacing, running her hands through her hair and cursing, not having known Kathryn was that directly involved with these people, and Tuvok said, “Nevertheless, I have definitive evidence against him,” Janeway asked her first officer, “What…what’s wrong?”

Answering for Chakotay, Torres turned around and said courageously, even though she was suddenly insanely scared, “Kathryn, he was Section 31…and he didn’t die tragically. I know that for sure because I killed him.” When Janeway froze and the angered blood red tone of her cheeks immediately began to drain from her face, and Seven of Nine jumped to her feet again, putting her hand on Janeway’s shoulder, B’Elanna walked up to Kathryn carefully and said, quiet and fearful, “He was dirty, baby…I swear it on my honor. I know he was Section 31, but even if he wasn’t...he was still a traitor...he was still dirty. He poisoned Chakotay... which would have killed him if the food hadn’t been too spicy for him to eat. When Chakotay started to get sick, one of his men helped him to the can...and as soon,” she growled, growing louder as Janeway’s stare broke her heart since she was clearly in pain, “as they were out of the room, his other man attacked me. I don’t know what they were planning on doing,” B’Elanna looked Janeway dead in the eye, speaking silently, “but I wasn’t about to find out...so I fought off his man and stabbed him, and when that coward started to run away, Chakotay came back in half-dead and tripped him up. He wasn’t a hero…and he didn’t die tragically because I,” pointing at her chest, hard, “slit his filthy throat.” When Janeway finally exhaled, but her breath was short as she looked at her, her storm front eyes glancing back and forth between her own quickly, Torres softened a little, knowing Janeway believed her as far as that the man had tried to hurt her and she’d killed him, just by the look on her face, and finished, “Section 31 covered up the truth behind his death so Starfleet could give him a hero’s farewell.”

As Torres tried to grab her shoulders, Janeway shook her head, knocked her hands away roughly, having a hard time dealing with the fact that B’Elanna had killed her uncle, especially in such a brutal manner, even though she completely believed Torres’ story...at least that he had tried to harm them, and said, “Don’t.” Then turning to Tuvok, she demanded, corrosive, “Why didn’t you ever tell me you believed in this...that you were a part of this! Why did you of all the people in the world keep this from me?”

Putting down his tea and folding his hands in his typical cultural way which helped him to focus and remain perfectly logical, Tuvok answered truthfully, “Until you decided to destroy the Caretaker’s array, I was not entirely certain that you were not Section 31.” When everyone stopped what they were doing and thinking and just watched Janeway freeze in her shock, he went on, “I have spent a significant portion of my career with you, Kathryn.”

When Torres turned away and said, “Fuck...fuck...fuck,” through clenched teeth, Janeway swallowed, brought her hand to her stomach and said, uneasy, “Are you trying to tell me that all the times you requested to work with me…you did it because you thought…”

“Yes,” Tuvok answered. “You were a logical initiate for Section 31, and to this day I still believe that is what they would have attempted to do if you had not destroyed the array.”

Jumping in Chakotay informed, able to keep up much better with Torres since he knew all of these things, but had only learned them during a one on one meeting with Tuvok right after they boarded Voyager and demanded to know just what the hell kind of double-cross the Vulcan was trying to pull, “They’re insidious, Kathryn. They pull people in without them even knowing it. They create terrible situations where people are so conflicted they don’t know what to do other than to try to make things better. That’s what they do…they use innocent people and ruin their lives until they’re so lost all they can do is go along with their plans.”

“All this time,” Janeway said quietly and broken, “all this time that we’ve been together…before Voyager…you thought I was one of these people…a traitor?”

Taking a breath, Tuvok informed, “At first, I wasn’t certain you had not already been initiated. However, as time wore on, I began to suspect that you were not Section 31 as of yet, but that you were their next target. At that time my mission became twofold: to ensure that you did not fall into their trap and to continue to gather evidence against them. When I was given the opportunity to infiltrate the Maquis, I was concerned that Section 31 would make their move on you considering shortly after I left, I discovered that my efforts had been discovered. I believe I was sent on that mission to be eliminated, as the others before had been. Thus, when you arrived in the Delta Quadrant with a Starfleet’s most advanced ship, a classified vessel, a posting that undoubtedly was unsettling to a great many in Starfleet, my concern that they had already set their plan into motion was high. However, when you destroyed the array, I realized that although Section 31 was using you, you were not aware of that.”

As her heart beat wildly in her chest, Janeway asked, “Then why didn’t you just stay with Chakotay? Why didn’t you pause for a second when I made it known that you were Starfleet?”

“It was a logical choice,” Tuvok informed easily. “You commanded the superior vessel and had the advantage at the time, and at that time I deemed it imperative to discover if you had been compromised. In order to do that, I needed to remain at your side.”

Standing up, Chakotay said, “That’s why I was shocked, Kathryn. When Tuvok had come to me, he’d told me immediately who he was. That’s the only reason I didn’t kill him.” When Janeway looked over to him, clenching her jaw and breathing heavily, Chakotay said, “Those others they sent…the ones they never told anyone about…they were all Section 31. They were sent to destroy us…not to bring us in.” Shaking his head, he said softly, “You know me, Kathryn…I’m not a killer, but each of them were sent to kill me and B’Elanna…and probably all of us while they were at it...because she and I knew about them.” Walking around the coffee table, he informed, “That’s why they sent you after me. All those things they told you that my people had done were true, but the reason behind it wasn’t. Yes, we started out Maquis, and yes, we still helped our brothers and sisters with the cause, but after Denaway tried to double-cross us, we realized that there was something much worse going on. After that, B’Elanna and I worked alone to find out just what the hell was going on…that’s why they sent you…and that’s why the Federation’s not going to just let us walk away simply because we’ve been good officers for seven years.”


 

As the captain turned around and put her back to everyone while she rubbed her forehead, Seven of Nine stood up and questioned, putting herself between Janeway and the others in an attempt to give the redhead some privacy, “Why would Section 31 target Kathryn? Explain.” Not allowing anyone to answer yet, the Borg went on, “I have extensive data on Kathryn. Nothing I have read would lead me to believe that she is susceptible to corruption or would allow herself to become so. She holds Federation ideals in the highest regard, and has said herself this evening that she has battled her entire career to prove her worth. She has not relied upon her ‘legacy’ to advance herself. She has succeeded on her own merits despite the fact that others believe she is unworthy for illogical reasons.” Placing her hands behind her back and lifting her chin some in pride for her captain, Seven finished, “If I were a member of this Section 31, Kathryn Janeway is the last individual I would attempt to assimilate. Your logic is flawed.”

Speaking up from behind the Borg, Janeway said softly, “I’m the perfect choice.” As the Borg turned around and stared at her, stunned, Kathryn took a quick breath and explained, “All of those things you said are true and if I understand this group correctly, if they work like my grandfather believed they did, they consider themselves patriots…if you will.” Stepping around Seven and looking at Tuvok, she went on, “They’d need someone on the inside that had a clean record…someone that everyone trusts…especially the top brass.” Snatching up her coffee, she said, “I might have a whole slew of nay-sayers back at home, but no one has ever questioned my loyalty or believed that I wasn’t untrustworthy…just incapable of command.” Turning around and looking at Seven, she finished, “I’m not saying that I would go along with them, clearly I wouldn’t...not for any reasons...but I think it’s clear why they would pick me.”

As Seven of Nine sighed and shook her head in confusion, Janeway turned back to Tuvok and said, “And you’re right, Commander…a lot of people were surprised when they offered Voyager to me before anyone else.” Sighing and shaking her head, Janeway rubbed her forehead and said, “So was I, honestly…I thought for sure they’d give her to Will Riker.” After sipping her coffee for a beat, she informed, “When the word came out that they were building her, I had dinner with him shortly thereafter and tried to convince him to put his bid in for it since she seemed right up his alley. Picard agreed with me. I honestly hadn’t even considered it for myself since I’d always preferred science vessels over anything else…and certainly not a vessel that was built to infiltrate enemy territory.”

“Why did you take it?” asked Torres quietly.

The captain sighed as she said, “Owen came to me and convinced me to do it.” When Torres and Chakotay rubbed their foreheads, but Tuvok just sat there, not surprised, which Kathryn didn’t know currently what that meant, Janeway explained as she sat down and leaned forward on her legs, “He explained that they had sent Tuvok on a mission to infiltrate the Maquis and had lost communication with him in the Badlands. He told me he’d fought to put me in the running, and that they needed someone that they knew wouldn’t back down from the Maquis and would stand up for Starfleet since recently they’d had a lot of problems with Maquis sympathizers…being from a Starfleet family helped me there.” Rubbing her forehead, Janeway added quietly, “He told me I didn’t have to keep her forever and that if I did this it would make it easier for me to ask that I be given one of the new science style science vessels they were building.” Looking over to Tuvok, she said, “So, I told him I’d only take it with the condition that they didn’t try to strap me down with a bunch of diplomatic regulations and directives. He assured me it was a rescue mission first and foremost, and anything else that came from it was purely secondary.” After clearing her throat, Janeway sat up straight and finished, “So, I took it, then after that, that’s when I convinced them to bring Tom onboard...partly because I thought we could use his expertise, and partly to test if they were really serious about not making it a diplomatic mission.”

Sitting back as everyone remained quiet, Janeway said as she put her chin on her chest, “Owen Paris was my mentor for the greater part of my career. He convinced me to switch to command even though I was already an accomplished scientist…and he was the first person I called when Mark asked me to marry him. I don’t care what you say…I’ll never believe that he was a part of this…at least not knowingly.”

“He was not a consideration,” Tuvok announced quickly. “His volatile relationship with his son, Mister Paris’ experience with the Maquis, and the fact that the admiral was seen after that as potentially conflicted due to family matters, openly, Section 31 would have stayed away from him.”

“I’m glad we agree,” Janeway said evenly, taking a breath and sitting up. Then looking up to Seven, who looked decidedly troubled, Kathryn stood immediately and said, “I’m sorry, Seven…you can sit down now. I’m alright, I promise.” When Seven sighed and opened her mouth, Janeway said quickly, but soft, “Please sit down, dear…you’re white as a sheet and I don’t want to have to worry about you too.” After the Borg nodded at that and then sat quickly, the captain took a few sips from her mug as she paced around, and then asked, “How long have you been investigating Section 31?” Turning around and looking at the almost one hundred year old Vulcan, she added, “How many years?”

“I first became aware of their existence in 2360,” the commander answered. When Janeway raised her eyebrows, silently asking for more information, Tuvok folded his hands again and informed, “In June of that year on my way back from Vulcan, our vessel came under attack by Romulans. During the battle, Captain Blake was critically wounded. I was aware that he’d gathered intelligence on the Romulans that he was preparing to give to Starfleet. Since the Romulans had overtaken us long enough to destroy the captain’s logs and wounded the captain beyond our ability to save him, I attempted a mind meld with him to gain the intelligence. The doctor was able to keep him alive long enough for me to meld with him and gain the knowledge that he had. During my meld, I also became aware of Section 31.”

“He was Section 31…for certain?” asked Janeway.

“Technically, no,” Tuvok answered. “He was being blackmailed to perform certain operations for them, but he was not an official member, as you would consider it.”

Shaking her head, Kathryn said with spite, “Any Starfleet captain that would compromise the Federation just because someone threatened to air their dirty laundry is a disgrace to their uniform, Tuvok. Official member or not, that’s no excuse…you know that as well as I do.”

Tuvok cocked his eyebrow as he informed, “It was not merely ‘dirty laundry,’ Kathryn,” but he didn’t go on, hoping Janeway would get the point and not push him for more answers while Seven of Nine was present.

Frowning at her old friend, Janeway stepped up close to him and questioned, “Then what was it?”

Since she knew where this was going, B’Elanna, who was now perched on the arm of the couch, said, “That doesn’t matter…I think we all get the point that it was serious shit.”

“Excuse me, but I beg to differ,” Kathryn said as she looked over at B’Elanna, “if I’m going to believe that Perry Denaway was a knowing part of this group, you’re going to have to tell me everything you know.” Then turning back to Tuvok immediately, Janeway demanded, “Go on.”

When Tuvok looked up at her, then over to Seven of Nine, and then back to Janeway, Kathryn got the point and said, over her shoulder, soflty, but surely, “Seven, go wait in the other room please.”

“Unacceptable!” Seven of Nine said, clearly annoyed, as she stood up.

Turning around, Janeway remained easy and said as she set her coffee down, “Seven, trust me…you don’t need to know these things…in fact, it’s better if you don’t. Let me worry about this and if you need to know, I promise you, I’ll tell you.” When Seven looked to start arguing, Janeway said more authoritative, “Seven of Nine, I’m your commanding officer...I’ve never led you astray, and I’m telling you to trust me.”

“Irrelevant...it is not a matter of trust,” Seven spat, standing ramrod straight. “I will not comply. Proceed, Commander.”

“I believe the captain is correct,” Tuvok said from where he sat. “It is illogical for you not to trust her and I when we have never betrayed you. You should comply with her wishes and allow us to decide how to proceed.”

Standing up, Torres said at the same instant, trying her own tactic which usually worked, “Dollface, come on.” When Seven snapped just her head to her in shock, B’Elanna nodded and said, “Yea, I know you’re burned at me...but come on anyway...I’ll go with you. They can take it from here. Let’s just go back to my place, we can talk and then get some rest…we’ve got a long day tomorrow in the holodeck anyway…and I’m tired of all this shit. I need to get outta here before I break Red’s nice things.”

tammoH! DaH!“ Seven seethed, fuming and turning around to B’Elanna, scowling at her since she knew B’Elanna didn’t wish to leave and was simply attempting to persuade her. Balling her fists as Janeway said, warningly, “Seven…” the Borg went on with passion, speaking in Klingon to Torres and ignoring everyone else, accurately using the cultural lingo and attitude as she and B’Elanna had practiced, which Seven actually admired about the language because it was direct and to the point, “I am not a child, B’Elanna Torres and you deceive! Either remain silent or stand with me...or your dishonor will make you my enemy as well.” When Torres clenched her fists and her jaw and stared at her, breathing heavily, the Borg snapped, “jang! DaH!“ demanding that she decide immediately where she stood.

Unable to choose to stand against Kathryn by standing with Seven, Torres finally sighed, held up her hands and just turned around, informing the Borg that she’d just stay out of it and be quiet...although, the way things were going currently, it seemed that she couldn’t possibly keep up with all of these rules and would just act when she felt she had to...and if she got smacked down, that was an acceptable risk, and she certainly didn’t plan on blaming anyone since Klingons were all about smacking people down when they crossed the line or got in their way. If she had time to think about it, she would have been duly impressed by the Borg’s obvious command of the culture, as well as realizing she was being deceived on her own…especially when it was only partial deceit and not a total lie.

Seven nodded once at Torres, finding that acceptable, then turned toward Janeway, who was watching them, rather flabbergasted at what she’d just witnessed, having never seen them engage each other to such a degree, and slipped back into her standard way of communicating, “I will not comply.”

Not nearly as quick to be a pushover with Seven, especially when her nearly omnipotent protective instincts were driving her actions, Kathryn stepped up to Seven, toe to toe, lifted her chin as she’d done countless times this particular individual, and informed in her deepest command tone, “Don’t test me right now, Seven...now go home with B’Elanna.” After a moment when Seven didn’t move or blink as she stood firm, Janeway added, “Comply.”

Hovering right next to Janeway, Seven shot back, wide-eyed and determined, “If I am to return to the Alpha Quadrant and assist you as in individual, then you are required to treat me as such.”

“This isn’t about your individuality...it’s about your safety...and I’m giving you a direct order.”

“This is about my individuality!” Seven stated adamantly, emphasizing by thrusting her hand down as well as her chin. “And it is not about my safety...it is about your desire to keep me from having to adapt because you feel pain and guilt...but I am not a child and I require this data just as much as you do.”

“That’s not fair and you know it,” Janeway came right back, rattling the words with deftness. “I’ve never treated you like a child. I’ve treated you with respect for your unique situation and have done everything in my power to not only make sure you are safe and fulfilled aboard my ship, but that you have the opportunity to adapt at your own pace as much as is possible in a chain of command.”

As Janeway turned around and started pacing, lifted her hand and started to speak, Seven said, “Then continue with your efforts and allow me to adapt in this as I wish to.”

Stepping back closer to Seven, but not as much in her face, Janeway explained, “There is no reason for you to adapt to these types of things. It has no place on this ship or in the Federation. Most people live their whole lives on Earth without ever witnessing a crime...and they are no less of an adult because of it.” Pleading with her hands to be heard, Kathryn said, “You’ve seen enough horror for a thousand lifetimes...and this kind of thing doesn’t make any sense...it’s senseless and evil. It isn’t assimilation, Seven...these people aren’t mindless drones...they operated of their own free will...and I don’t want you to know the specifics unless there’s no other choice. That’s not treating you like a child...that’s having respect for you as an innocent person…whom I happen to love entirely.”

“Then why must you know as well?” the Borg asked softer, more desperate, her eyes tense and becoming red, as was her face. “Why must you know the specifics when B’Elanna Torres has stated that they are irrelevant? Explain.”

“Because I’m the captain...these are my people...and I have to know what I’m dealing with to do my job to stop them.”

“And I must know to do my job to assist you efficiently.” When Janeway closed her eyes and started shaking her head, Seven stood straighter again, and said, “I was assimilated as a child. That event caused significant fear, which I recall to this day. I was severed from the Collective eighteen years later. That event caused greater fear…fear that you, Captain, helped to create…which I recall to this day. I have adapted efficiently, nevertheless…and see you through different eyes now.” Looking directly at Janeway, she informed, more passionate than she ever had, “I know of evil. I was and always shall be part Borg. I will adapt to this fear as well...and I will not leave of my own free will. Resistance is futile.”

“She’s right,” Chakotay said quickly. “If she doesn’t know what they’re capable of, she could be in danger by playing into their hands unknowingly.”

As Torres turned around and curse in Klingon at this situation, swinging at the air in her anger, Janeway barked at Chakotay, “You stay the hell out of this, dammit!” Then turning to Seven, she said quickly, suddenly soft and loving, changing tactics, prepared to use everything in her arsenal to get the blonde to understand her, even if she knew Seven had a point, but she couldn’t let herself back down this time…she couldn’t let Seven get involved and be potentially in danger if it wasn’t necessary, “I’ve never doubt....”

“No, I won’t stay the hell out of it,” Chakotay jumped up, cutting her off. “I’m not going to stay out of it when you’re being selfish. The easiest way for them to get to all of us is to trick her since there’s nothing she wouldn’t do to protect you...she’s exactly who they’d use, and then they’d destroy her because she’s Borg...and a threat to the Federation...and you know I’m right...all of you do.” When Torres whirled around and demanded, “Shut your fucking mouth!” and Janeway basically said the same thing, Chakotay said anyway, “And all they have to do is read your logs and find out what you risked to get her back from the Borg. All they have to do is threaten to kill her or turn her into a science experiment and they’ll have you on your knees, Captain! And if they have you on your knees, they’ll have us all. That’s what they do!”

Placing her hands on her hips, Kathryn lowered her head and took a series of very deep breaths as Chakotay came up directly in front of her and said softly, “It’s what they do...it’s exactly what they do all the time.” When her first officer started to apologize for having to do that while Torres watched Janeway carefully, not having seen her look so mad since they all thought the A.I. had killed the captain’s precious Borg, Janeway looked up with angered tears in her eyes and hissed, “Yousonaofabitch!” as she smacked him across the face, hard.

When Tuvok stood up, Torres and Seven both said, breathless, “Kathryn…” and Chakotay just stood there and accepted the punishment, but didn’t move an inch, Janeway breathed heavily as she grabbed his leathered vest, shaking him while she burned with emotion, “Goddamn you, you coward. You had no right to do that! Don’t you ever say one word to her again... don’t you ever try to scare her into helping just because you’re not man enough to do it yourself!”

Sighing heavily as Janeway pressed her forehead to his chest, still pulling on his vest and shaking him, saying, “God, I hate you for this...why would you hurt her...she’s never done anything to you,” Chakotay wrapped his arms around the captain and said, “I’m sorry, Kathryn…if I could change this for you, I would. I swear that I would, but I can’t. This is the only way...I know you know that...and I know you’re angry and this hurts you...it hurts me too, but it’s the only way to protect her.”

Grabbing tightly onto her first officer, Janeway moved her arms to his neck and pressed her face into it, mumbling, “I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have struck you...I’m sorry I did that...”

Chakotay smiled as B’Elanna shook her head and said, “Kahless and Jesus Christ, this is fucking insane!” and said as he rubbed the captain’s back, “It’s alright…I’m sure I had that coming from you for years.” When Janeway sighed and shook her head negatively into his neck as she sniffled, and willed herself to get a hold of herself and think, Chakotay chuckled, “Well, when you come down from your horse, you really damn well do it, Lady.” Then seriously he finished as she pulled her away and forced her to look at him, by grabbing her face, wiping her tears with his large thumbs, “Kathryn…Kathryn, look at me…I forgive you…I don’t even blame you, but we’ve got to stop fighting each other right now, or they’ll tear us apart without having to do anything but exist. We all have to stick together…all of us, or we’ll never live to tell anyone about it.”


 

Now pacing back and forth with a very strong whiskey and soda in her hand as she rested one hand on the small of her back, having found out that Captain Blake’s wife had ‘fallen down a flight of steel stairs’ and broken her neck, and his twin daughters were being threatened, Janeway asked after Tuvok finished his story, informing her that during his mind meld he discovered the Admiral Denaway was a full fledged member, “Why didn’t you just go to Starfleet and let them know what was going on?” Turning around, Janeway added, “Surely they could have done something…once you bring this kind of thing out in the open, it falls apart. The secrets and fear are what they bank on…that’s their greatest weapon and their biggest weakness.”

“You are correct,” Tuvok came right back, “and that is what I attempted to do.” Standing up as Janeway furrowed her brow at him, the Vulcan said as he placed his hands behind his back and stood nearly at attention, “In July of that year, after I made my report to Starfleet command regarding the Romulan intelligence, I arranged a meeting with two superior officers that I knew from my mind meld were not Section 31.” When Janeway froze completely and just looked at him, emotionless, Tuvok nodded and said, “Your father was one of them, as was Captain Victoria Warsaw.” When Tuvok could detect that the bottom lid of Janeway’s left eye was now twitching slightly, the Vulcan suggested, “Perhaps you should sit down, Captain?”

Standing up at that, having a feeling where this was going since she recalled that that was the year Kathryn’s father died, having just looked up that information this morning in hopes she could find out some reason why the event seemed to still haunt her lover, other for the fact that she’d lived and they hadn’t, B’Elanna said, desperate and human, “Ohno… no, no, no…Seven…Seven, help me...”

Seven of Nine stood immediately, not making the same connections as B’Elanna, but understanding that this topic was unwise to discuss at this time, or perhaps at any time, and said, “This conversation topic is terminated,” prepared to pick up Janeway if necessary and take her away before any more was said, certain that Kathryn would do more than smack someone if her father was implicated in any way with Section 31. “Kathryn, refrain from speaking further and be seated.” Thinking quickly, which she always did, Seven went on immediately, trying to use Janeway’s own tactics against her...well, her own version of them, “Your resources are depleted. Sit down and allow me to ask the relevant questions at this time so that I will not have to worry about you. Comply.”

As B’Elanna ran up to her and put her arms on her shoulders while Seven gave her orders, and she saw out of the corner of her eye Chakotay get to his feet as well and growl at Tuvok, demanding to know why he’d not told him it was Janeway’s father who was the admiral he spoke with, Janeway thrust her drink towards Seven’s chest and said, not taking her eyes off of Tuvok, “Hold this.” When Seven took the drink immediately, handed it to B’Elanna, who set it on the table and tried to get her to look at her, Janeway barked at everyone that was speaking, which was everyone except Tuvok and herself, “Shut...up!” Since that wasn’t typically how the good captain silenced people, it worked rather well, so she then lifted her chin to Tuvok and said, “Let’s hear it, Commander…I don’t have all night.”

Raising his eyebrow and taking a deep breath, definitely feeling like it was time for him to return to Vulcan since being away from other Vulcans for so long was definitely wearing on his ability to stifle all of his emotions, especially when they were so free flowing around him, Tuvok said, “After I made my report to them, both of them assured me they would investigate thoroughly and furthermore that my name would never be mentioned.” Shaking his head slightly from side to side, he went on, “We met two more times in secrecy. Once in August and again in October. During those meetings, I learned that any doubts that they had had were now non-existent, and they were preparing to uncover them, but believed they would need me to be there as a material witness when that occurred. I assured them I would, and we set a date to do so.”

As her breath started to quicken again, Janeway grabbed a hold of Seven’s Borg hand that was on her arm, squeezed it and said, shaky, trying to push it away, feeling the need to stand alone, although Seven didn’t let her go and just squeezed her hand harder than she normally would, “And…”

Nodding, Tuvok informed, “And approximately two weeks before that date arrived, both your father and the captain were eliminated within twenty hours of each other.”

“No…no,” Janeway said, shaking her head and looking right at him. “Our shuttle crashed into a glacier and he drowned. It was an experimental design…and it was an accident...a design flaw caused the thruster failure.” As she started to shake and breath very quickly while Torres tried to wrap her up, Kathryn looked down, wiped her nose with her free hand and said surely, pushing away from B’Elanna with her elbows and letting go of Seven’s hands, unknowing that the palm of her hand was bleeding after the tearing release, “No, damnit, I was there. We crashed into the ice because we couldn’t gain altitude...it all happened in a matter of seconds because we were flying so close to the surface. I was thrown from the shuttle shortly after the initial impact forced open the hatch. I was flung from the back as we skidded and were spun around on the ice, and the shuttle came to a stop right after that and started sinking immediately since the nacelles melted the ice. They drowned because I couldn’t beam them out with only my tricorder. The shuttle’s electrical damage was too severe for me to access transporter control completely. That’s what happened, Commander…I was there.”

Not wanting to hurt Janeway, but having to get her to hear him, Tuvok said, “Where were you when your shuttle first encountered problems?” When Janeway looked away and turned around, then said, “I was there, Tuvok,” Tuvok went on anyway, “According to reports, you were in the aft compartment, which was why you were not strapped in on impact. Normally an event which would have killed you, in that instance, saved your life.”

“Yes, that’s right, goddammit,” Kathryn spat as she turned back around.

“You never did know what problems the shuttle had incurred until you were debriefed,” Tuvok added quiet. “It was Admiral Denaway that told you what had happened to the thrusters.” As Janeway covered her face with her hands as both Seven and B’Elanna went up to her and held her at her waist and Chakotay sank down into the couch and covered his face as well, the Vulcan finished the story as Janeway shook her head and said, “No…no it can’t be...I was there,” over and over again, “It was in fact Admiral Denaway who found you near death on the surface...freezing and wounded, approximately twenty meters from where the shuttle sank through the ice.”

Pulling her hands away, leaving her cheek smeared with blood, quickly and angered, Janeway turned her head toward the Vulcan and said, “Yes, that’s right. He could have thrown me into the water and told them any story…I was in no condition to fight him off…but he didn’t. He saved my life! Why! Why would he do that if he was so evil?”

“You were a key witness,” Tuvok explained, as Janeway wiped her cheek with the back of her hand, realizing she was bleeding and feeling the stickiness on her skin of her face. “With your story that he assisted you with recollecting, and his apparent sensor scans of the wreckage, he believed that would keep an investigation from commencing…so, he chose to spare you. It was a logical choice and the correct one considering no formal investigation was performed and you were cleared from any fault in the matter immediately.” As Janeway hardened and looked away from him, placing her hands on her hips and looking to the ceiling as she breathed deeply, Tuvok said, “Admiral Denaway was a key factor in forestalling an investigation that should have been standard procedure considering not only was an experimental shuttlecraft lost, but two officers were killed, one of them a high ranking admiral. Logic dictates that he had selfish motives to close the case so quickly. In fact, Captain,” he raised his eyebrow, “there is a sealed file on the matter that I have not been able to access, and shortly after I discovered it and attempted to access it, I was sent to infiltrate the Maquis.”

Wiping her eyes and turning around, needing to move around, Janeway said, “You’re right…he did have motives to close and seal the case, Commander…but not because he killed my father.” Turning around and swallowing, Janeway lifted her chin and informed, “He did that because I let him die…both of them...that’s what’s in that file.”

As everyone turned and looked at her, their faces as lost as hers, Kathryn Janeway shook her head as her world started to spin violently out of control and said, “I don’t recall what happened to Victoria Warsaw…but the reason my father is dead is because I didn’t save him when I had the chance. Perry rescued me, and when I confessed to him what I’d done, he told me to never tell another soul what I’d told him and that he’d take care of it.” Placing her hands on her hips and looking down, Janeway swallowed soundly, then said, “He took care of everything, and no one but a spare few ever knew, so, you see,” she looked up blinked back her agony, “he if wanted to…he could have nailed me to the wall, but he didn’t. He demanded that the investigation that took place...and there was one, Commander...never be made public knowledge and sealed forever to spare my family and Justin’s. He put his career on the line to save mine, and to keep my secret…and never once did he mention it, or try to get me to do anything by blackmailing me even though he certainly had a hell of a thing to hold over my head.” Sighing and rubbing her forehead, Janeway shook her head as she stated, “Now, you tell me…does that sound like the actions of an evil man? No!” she shouted, looking up and becoming furious at all of this, “No…it’s not even the actions of a Starfleet officer…it was the action of a man who lost his best friend under terrible circumstances and saved that friend’s daughter, his pride and joy, from having to confess to her mother and sister that,” she started to cry uncontrollably, “that she was so selfish... that instead of taking the chance she had to save her father over her lover…her father…a man that had loved her for her entire life…that loved them…she recklessly and selfishly tried to save them both…and she failed.”

Shaking her head, Janeway said, pressing her lips together for a few beats before to control her voice as best she could, “I could have saved one of them, but I,” she emphasized, pointing at her chest, “couldn’t make a choice, and Perry saved me from ever having to tell my family, or Justin’s family…and that man kept me from losing my mind in the month’s following, so I don’t want to hear any more of your bullshit logic about him.” Turning and storming toward the bedroom, Kathryn finished, “Now get the hell out of here…before I throw all of you in the Brig for mutiny!”


 

“Ohgod, ohgod…no, this isn’t happening,” Torres mumbled as she spun around and held her head. “Jesus, no…someone tell me this isn’t really happening.” Before she fell to the floor, B’Elanna whirled around and said, running over to Seven of Nine, frantic, while Chakotay glared at Tuvok for a few beats, then sank down into the couch and covered him face with his balled fists, “Seven…Seven…help me…tell me what to do.” Grabbing her and burying her face into her chest, she begged, “Please, dollface…tell me what to do…I’ll do anything.”

When Seven just stood still and remained quiet, Torres said, “Okay, okay…let me think,” as she pulled back and wiped her eyes. Then turning around, crazed, she glanced around the room and then said, “Alright…alright…just shut the fuck up and let me think,” although no one was talking, but there was so much noise in her head she couldn’t decipher it from anything else. Next, snapping her fingers, she spun around and said, “That’s it...I’ve got it...you can send me back in time. I’ll beam aboard and tell myself what happened…and then…and then we can stop all of this and just figure out a different plan without involving her.” When everyone, including Tuvok sighed and shook their heads, B’Elanna said, “No, no...shut up and listen for a minute…it will work. Then I’ll blow up the shuttle and we’ll all just go on our way.” Running back up to Seven, B’Elanna pleaded, “Come on, dollface…I know you can do this. You’ve done it before. I’ll do it this time. I’m not afraid to die. Please...please, Seven...I’m not afraid...I swear it.”

“B’Elanna Torres…” Seven sighed in agony.

“Please, Seven…please,” Torres begged as she fell to her knees. “Please, dollface…I can’t take it…I can’t live with her hurting like this and hating me for it...it’s not fair...it’s not fair to her. Please help me, Seven…it will be okay if you just help me. I’ll do it…you don’t have to do anything but program the shuttle. I’ll do the rest…I promise…on my honor. I’ll never tell anyone you helped. I’ll never tell Red you helped me.”

Sighing heavily again, Seven of Nine reached down and dragged up Torres while she said, “B’Elanna Torres, I will not assist in your destruction when there is not a guarantee that the same events will not occur again.” When Torres cried that they wouldn’t…and that she’d tell herself to make sure it didn’t, Seven of Nine held onto B’Elanna and informed, “I believe we all have witnessed that the truth cannot be hidden forever, bang, and despite Kathryn’s pain, she requires this knowledge. She requires to know who terminated her father...and that it was not her…that is ‘fair.’“

As Chakotay stood back up with tears in his eyes and started for the bedroom, Seven barked, “Do not open that door! Comply!”

“Goddammit,” Chakotay turned around, “someone’s got to talk to her! I’m not going to let her sit in there all alone!”

When Chakotay finished that and turned back for the door, Seven rattled quickly, setting Torres down in the chair at the same time, “Computer, access Borg Resistance Security Protocol Alpha Two, and enable measures one and two.”

After two beeps, the female voice announced, “Acknowledged,” a nanosecond before a Level Ten force field was erected around the captain’s bedroom and at the same moment, the blast shield for the windows in the living room came down, darkening the room on its own...although it got further dark when the soft side panel lights faded to an absolute minimum.

In theory, several more things would all occur in concert, which the former drone had developed one slow afternoon in Astrometrics over three months ago when she had a terrifying daydream of a Borg invasion of her and Kathryn’s home. She’d been so distressed by the dream, that she’d put her mind to using the resources available to her in the captain’s quarters to figure out how to secure Kathryn in her bedroom and either kill, or seriously damage the drones that were trapped in the living room, since in her dream, they’d fled to the bedroom, and then the closet. After she’d come up with her Borg Resistance Security Protocol, she’d developed measures for the captain’s quarters and B’Elanna Torres’. Janeway’s cabin was Alpha and Torres’ was Omega, and the various doors the lead to each area were numbered after that, and then she’d spent several hours of the next few days sneaking around while her lovers were on duty and installed the various devices she needed to accomplish her plan. Installing force field emitters in Janeway’s cabin was actually very easy since all Seven had to do was move a few plants about strategically and they were completely hidden from the naked eye. Torres’ had required a little more creative thinking, but she’d finally replicated a picture of Kahless and gave it to Torres, but made sure she hung it on the wall exactly where she needed it first. When B’Elanna had thanked her and never tried to move it from it’s position, Seven had installed the emitted behind it and made sure the picture stuck out from the wall just enough to not obscure the energy beam. Of course, if she ever did have to engage that protocol in Torres’ cabin, the force field would blow the picture right off the wall when engaged, but Seven felt that was an acceptable risk since she could always replicate another one. She wasn’t sure why she’d not just told Kathryn and B’Elanna what she was doing, and that it made her feel more comfortable, but she figured some of it was because she worried Janeway wouldn’t approve of her unconventional methods, especially regarding sealing away the ship’s commanding officer, and mostly because, she didn’t want them to know how frightened she was of the Borg, in case they had to confront them again for fear Janeway would just try to keep her out of the fight again, and Seven couldn’t allow that to happen because no matter how scared she was, no one knew them better or could predict their actions better...especially when the Borg Queen continued to contact her from time to time during regeneration...which was one reason she only did so when she could no longer resist utilizing her alcove. That was one thing she wasn’t sure she’d ever confess to Janeway unless she felt the Queen was planning an attack because she was pretty certain that if Kathryn found out, she’d go attack the Collective herself to stop her.

Stopping quickly when he felt rather than saw the energy coming off the wall to Janeway’s bedroom, Chakotay turned around, looked at Tuvok, who seemed decidedly displeased, most likely because he hadn’t been aware of Seven Security ‘feature,’ which never looked good for the chief of that department, and then up as he said, “Computer, disengage Borg Resistance Security Protocol.”

Voice print confirmed. State clearance code.

“Chakotay, gamma, six, zero, six...clearance level nine.”

Access denied. Clearance level ten access is required.

Sighing heavily, Chakotay asked, “How the hell did you get level ten access?”

“I am Borg,” Seven of Nine reminded as she stalked toward him.

Authoritatively, the commander replied, “Then undo what you’ve done right now...that’s an order.”

Standing directly in front of Chakotay, Seven said, clipped, “I will comply when you vacate the premises as Kathryn wishes.”

“You can’t keep me from speaking with her...you have no authority over me, Seven of Nine. I’m the ranking officer here, and I’m telling you to take it down. This is still a Federation ship, and I’m still the first officer...now do it before I throw you in the Brig for disobeying orders.”

“It was you who demanded that Kathryn remove herself from her ‘high horse,’ therefore you have no authority either. However, this is my dwelling, as well as Kathryn’s, and we have both requested that you vacate it immediately, thus it is you who must comply, Commander. Leave now or I will remove you myself. Comply!”

Standing his ground, Chakotay said, “I’m not going to leave her alone when this is my fault more than anyone’s. I’ve known her a lot longer than you have...now take it down.”

“On the contrary,” Tuvok said as he started toward them, “if there is anyone to blame, it is me. I have known the captain longer than all of you, and I should have anticipated such a reaction.”

“That is correct!” Seven of Nine yelled at him. “You have damaged my Kathryn by doubting her perfection in this matter, and if the both of you do not leave at once I will inform you precisely of how displeased I am with each of you.” Back at Chakotay, she said, “And I will not ‘let you off the hook’ this time. Comply!”

Jumping up, Torres said, recognizing the look on Seven’s face as not one to mess around with, “Shit…Chakotay…back off…I mean it.” When Tuvok nodded and stepped backward, but only one step since Chakotay didn’t move, B’Elanna slapped her communicator and hailed the only person she could think to call that wouldn’t turn this into a personnel crisis of epic proportions, “Torres to Fowler…Nick…get to Red’s place…right the fuck now! I fuckin’ mean it...run!”

On my way…just hold it together, T,“ Fowler responded immediately, pushing herself up from her floor, adding that last part, trying to calm down her friend and reminding her that she only had to remain composed for a few more moments and then she, Nicole, could take over for her.

“This will not assist the captain,” Tuvok reminded both of them as B’Elanna finished hailing Fowler. “She would not approve of physical violence…of this I am certain...as are each other you. Commander Chakotay, I suggest we depart and allow her to come to us, which she will undoubtedly do once she has recovered and reexamined the situation. Captain Janeway knows that I would not lie to her or forward such sensitive information if I were not certain of its accuracy.”

Just as the sound of the force field disengaging and the blast shields started to return into the wall, Nicole Fowler came bounding through the captain’s front door with her hands loose and ready to strike, moving on the balls of her feet, dressed only in a pair of black martial arts pants, with a gold dragon down the side of her left leg, and glistening with perspiration, saying to Torres, who was the first person she saw, “Report.”

And a second later, the door to the captain’s bedroom hissed opened to reveal the cleaned-faced redhead, whose eyes, although bloodshot and misty, were free from the incredible anger that had been obvious in them just a few minutes ago.

When Seven of Nine turned her head to her and just looked at her inquisitively, wondering if perhaps Janeway had noticed the well-hidden emitters and investigated on her own, Janeway smirked slightly at her and whispered as she passed her, “I water the plants too, Seven.” When the blonde cocked an eyebrow in surprise and watched Janeway move toward the center of the room, Kathryn greeted as she passed Nicole, “Welcome to the party, Miss Fowler…nice pants.”

Sighing, Fowler instinctively started toward her commanding officer, noticing the brown smeared spots on her shirt near her waist immediately, as well as Chakotay’s bruised lip, and asked, tense, “Captain…what’s going on?” Before Kathryn could answer as the redhead turned after leaning down to the coffee table to snatch up her drink, and looked at her, Fowler whispered, able to tangibly feel the tension in the air, “Are you having a problem?”

Certain if this had been any other night and she was face to face with Nicole Fowler, in all her wondrously toned, omnisexual glorly, she would have blushed just being in her second officer’s presence while Fowler was in such a state, Kathryn cleared her throat as she sipped her drink, then answered, “No, Commander…but thank you for coming so quickly. I’m terribly sorry to have bothered you during your exercises, but everything’s fine now.”

Sighing again and looking over her shoulder as everyone started to disburse from the captain’s bedroom door, with clearly frayed nerves, Fowler whispered, unconvinced, putting herself between Janeway and Chakotay’s view of her, “Are you sure about that, Ma’am?” glancing purposefully down at Kathryn’s stained clothing.

“Yes,” Janeway answered as she eyed Seven and then Chakotay, who was moving toward her carefully, having heard the conversation through the doorway, which prompted her to come out and deal with it before she had an even worse problem on her hands, since she too recognized Seven of Nine’s tone as one not to take lightly, since it was the same tone Seven had first spoken to her in after she’d severed her, except with a little more human emotion behind it, which only made her that much dangerous in those types of situations. When Fowler looked around again and then turned back to her, asking softly to please tell her what was going on, pointing to her captain’s stained waist, Janeway sighed and said, “Terrible business, I’m afraid, as you can see.” After setting down her drink and then passing by her, the captain patted her taught upper arm twice and said, “Why don’t you pull up a chair…I’d like you here.”

Since all she’d been doing was working out in her cabin when she was hailed, Fowler nodded and said, “Aye, Captain,” then added quickly, “With the captain’s permission…may I use your bathroom just to clean up…I’ll be quick?” She really wasn’t as interested in that as she was about stepping out of the way for a moment to see if the calm would end once her fortuitous presence was gone, but she figured that was the least obvious way for her to monitor the situation.

“Certainly,” Janeway replied as she stopped next to B’Elanna, who had sat on the chair and was now hunched over, covering her face, “take your time...use anything you need.”

Nodding, Fowler glanced over at Torres, searching for answers, but since Torres was still hanging her head, she didn’t get any. Then continuing toward the captain’s bedroom, she looked to Seven, then to the men, and finally said, “Commanders,” as she passed by them, bobbing her head. Stopping just beyond the doorway, she looked over her shoulder to make certain nothing in the way of violence was about to ensue once she was out of the way, and then quickly went clothing replicator to produce a standard issue tanktop for herself, since although she could refrain from wearing a shirt, she didn’t feel comfortable in this type of setting and then went into the bathroom, keeping the door open and listening closely.

Taking a seat on the arm of the chair and placing her hand on B’Elanna’s head, combing back her hair, Kathryn cleared her throat and said, “I think I owe you all an apology.” Then sighing as Torres lifted her head and looked over to her, Janeway shook her head as she rubbed her knuckles across B’Elanna’s rosy jaw, “No…I’m certain I do.” Looking to the rest of them, she said clearly, “I’m sorry I got angry at you. I didn’t honestly mean it…and,” she sighed and shook her head, “I know that none of you would ever purposefully hurt me…or try to trick me into compromising my command.” As B’Elanna buried her face into her lap, pulling her closer, Janeway sighed and went on while she continued to pet B’Elanna head, “I want you to know that I respect each and every one of you more than I’ve ever respected another soul…except perhaps my father, but he,” she smiled and then sniffled, and finally cleared her throat, “he was my whole world for,” shaking her head, “for a very long time and,” she started to whisper, “the day he died was the worst day of my life...by far.”

While she remained quiet for a few moments, everyone came back close to her; Seven ending up next to her side with her arm around her, Chakotay kneeling in front of her, placing his hand on her knee as his eyes teared again, and Tuvok standing between Seven and Chakotay, just in case. Taking a deep breath and wiping away her tears before they sprung loose again, she went on, “Um…you see, that one event has haunted me like nothing else and it’s made me the person I am today.” As Torres squeezed her tighter and pressed her face to her lower stomach, the captain informed, “And to think that it wasn’t an accident, and that the only reason I lived through it is because of my failure…and that the worst hurt I’ve ever known was used to promote an agenda is,” sighing and shaking her head, “frankly, I don’t have any idea how to feel about that. But,” she cleared her throat as Fowler came out of the bathroom with her tanktop on, but stopped in the doorway at the sight before her, “but that doesn’t really matter right now. This revelation doesn’t change anything other than now I’ve got to get used to knowing that all of you know…but,” she sighed again and looked at each of them, “I can’t think of anyone else in the universe that I trust more with that information than all of you.”

Looking over to Fowler, who looked about as lost as someone could, Janeway sniffled, then smiled over at her and said, “Nick,” then started laughing at the look of Fowler’s face.

As Chakotay looked over and started laughing too, B’Elanna sat up, pulled Janeway onto her lap, saying, “Come here.” When Kathryn straddled her and buried her face into her neck and clung to her tightly, apologizing for pushing her away, B’Elanna held her tight and whispered into her neck as Seven of Nine sat down where Kathryn had been and put her arms around them as best she could, “It’s okay, baby, I love you…I love you, Red…I’ll never let you go…never, never let you go...I’m so sorry, baby...I’m so sorry for you...Kahless, I love you, Kathryn...I’ll never let you go.”

Standing up and turning to Fowler as he wiped his own watering eyes, Chakotay chortled softly as he approached Nicole and said, “Welcome to the family, Nick…come on…it’s alright. We won’t bite hard.”

Completely nervous, and unable to keep herself from running her fingers through her long, partially free flowing hair, only the top half pulled up to keep it out of her face, Fowler leaned down just a tad and whispered into Chakotay’s ear, “Has it always been like this?”

Laughing, Chakotay shook his head and said, “No.” Then patting her strong back, solidly, impressed by her physique since that was the first time he’d seen it unobstructed, he said, “Come on…I’ll buy you a beer and we can figure out where to go from here. I sure as hell need a drink...and a smoke...”


 

Two hours later, the captain’s quarters were now only now lit with soft, soothing, candle light that was slightly hazy thanks to the smoke that still hung lightly in the air from the pipe Chakotay had retrieved from his quarters that Janeway had told him to go get before she changed her mind, which he and B’Elanna had smoked for several long minutes, Kathryn able to tell they were also utilizing the experience as a peace ritual between them, no one saying anything, not even Seven of Nine, or Tuvok when she violated protocol by shutting off the ventilation system in her room for the time being. Curled up comfortably on Seven’s lap as the Borg slept peacefully in the chair, while Torres sat on the floor and rested her head against Seven’s knee, Janeway asked softly, speaking toward the couch were her commanders were all relaxed in various positions, “Will one of you hand me that blanket?” She didn’t attempt to wake Seven and get her to go to bed because the Borg had informed her she wished to stay and was merely ‘resting her eyes,’ but as the captain had expected and had seen before, that lasted only a few moments and soon Seven was fast asleep and completely unaware of her surroundings. There was also the fact that Kathryn honestly didn’t want her to go away, even if she was asleep, since there was something about Seven that could calm her soul even at the most trying of times...well, as long as she let her. Since she had slept on Seven in a similar position while at Burnhouse, she knew the Borg certainly wasn’t uncomfortable, so she planned to stay right where she was until this discussion was over, or Seven started to look uncomfortable.

Once Fowler had stood and put the blanket over her legs—the tall helmsman having gotten the quick rundown of the events from Chakotay while Kathryn had taken several minutes and embrace her girlfriends and thank them for their love and support, and then taking a few more moments to speak privately, in the corner, with Tuvok and inform him that she didn’t blame him at all and that she was fortunate to have not only gained his trust, but have his protection for all those years—Janeway thanked her and then said after she glanced at Seven to make sure she was still asleep, “It’s okay…go on.”

“I’ve secured all logs, including personal, that mention her relationship with either or both of you, and I believe the most prudent course of action would be to delete or manipulate them, and to terminate your relationship immediately…in public. That would help to ensure that by the time we return, it will not be as great of a factor.” When Torres and Janeway both sighed and looked down, then at each other, Tuvok added, “It would also be helpful if the crew thought you were involved with someone else, but I do not believe that is as necessary as it is for you to end your current relationship. Section 31 will undoubtedly target her and either eliminate her as a threat, or more probable, use her unique individuality and loyalty to further their agenda. As we have witnessed tonight, she does not often hesitate to take matters into her own hands when she feels that you,” looking to Janeway, “especially, are threatened considering you,” now speaking to Torres, “also will not hesitate to use physical force. However, I would not be surprised if she has installed similar Security measures in your quarters.”

The captain answered quietly, deciding to stop hiding everything from these people, “She has. I’m not sure why…exactly…she’s done this, but I didn’t see a problem with it if it makes her feel safe. We’ve never discussed it. I’ve known for two years that she was capable of acquiring level ten access, but I’m sure all of you can understand why I couldn’t divulge that information and compromise her security or this ship’s. It’s not something she’d do unless she felt it was necessary, and I’ve always just hoped that if that were to occur, I could be there to talk her down…or override her if I had to.” She cleared her throat, and finished, “I never planned to tell Starfleet immediately since they’d never stand for that…and they don’t know her like I do…and I planned to talk to her if and when we got home…and see if she’d cooperate with me and tell me how to keep her from doing that so we could use that data to persuade Starfleet to keeping her on as at least a consultant, and that she isn’t a treat.”

Nodding at that, as Torres sighed and looked over at her, surprised, Tuvok said as Janeway looked at B’Elanna, then nodded at her, telling her not to worry about that right now, “It would not be difficult for Section 31 to persuade her to do any number of things if she believed they were necessary to ensure your protection…and with her abilities, they could be extreme.”

Janeway, of course, knew Tuvok was speaking, as far as their relationship went, that they pretend to end it and put up an act, but that really wasn’t making her feel any better, even if she agreed with him. Clearing her throat and taking a sip of her hot water, going back to that since she honestly wasn’t certain she could stomach anything else, Kathryn said, “Alright, but I don’t think we should completely end it.” As Torres turned around and got up onto her knees, Janeway glanced again at Seven, then sighed and said as she reached up palmed Torres’ cheek, “I think you two should stay together. I think that will be more convincing to the crew…and I think it’s pretty clear that if Section 31 were going to use her, they’d do it to get to me, or for something much larger, not to you. They don’t know you like I do…I don’t think they’d believe that you would fall for that...that you care that much. Besides, if she’s with you, you can keep her from falling victim to their influence.” As B’Elanna bowed her head, Janeway dropped her hand to Torres’ as she rested it on the chair’s arm and asked, “What do you think? I’m not going to do this unless you agree…and I’m sure Seven will go along with it as long as she’s still got you...and believes it’s safer for me.”

Taking a deep breath, Torres looked up and said, forcing a smile, “I guess that means I’m gonna have to start cleaning up after myself.” When Janeway expelled the air from her chest and nodded, B’Elanna snatched up her hand and said as she kissed Janeway’s knuckles, “Just don’t get any ideas about being better off while we’re gone…’cause I’ll hunt you down and drag you back if I have to.” As Kathryn smiled fairly brightly, then leaned forward, B’Elanna kissed her softly, then said after they held their heads together for a moment, “I guess the good side is that I get to make a scene again…a big one.” When Janeway chuckled mildly, kissed her lips quickly and then pulled away, B’Elanna sat back some and asked, “I’m not gonna get thrown in the Brig…am I?”

Smirking, Janeway held her stare for a moment, making her wonder, then said, “No.” Then looking up to her commanders, she said, “Alright, then that’s what we’ll do. I’ll talk to Seven in the morning, and then we’ll stage the big break-up tomorrow...the sooner the better.” Raising her finger, she added, “And no, I won’t be getting involved with anyone else. The only logical choices would be you,” pointing to Chakotay, “and you, Miss Fowler.” When Nicole raised her eyebrows, nervous, Janeway smiled and said, “If I picked Chakotay, they could just attempt to harm me to get to him…and if I picked you,” pointing to Fowler, “not only would that put your life in danger, but I don’t think Miss Sam would like that at all...and I’d rather not have to deal with a scorned woman.” When Nicole smiled slightly at that, then shook her head while the Maquis snickered, and muttered, “Good call,” Kathryn added, “Besides, we can’t tell her and endanger her or Naomi…so there really isn’t anyone left…and I’d rather not anyway.”

“So,” Chakotay started, “what happens when we get back?” Before anyone could answer, he informed, “No offense, but I still think my original idea is best…besides,” he added, “if those two stay together, that will take care of that problem too.”

Jumping in, Fowler said, speaking freely an honest, although she was still somewhat skeptical about this Section 31 since she’d never heard anything about it, nor had she ever seen anything that made her believe there was such a group, “If they think you’re dead…what happens if when we get back we find out that Section 31 has been found out and everything’s right?” Leaning forward, Fowler said, “Just hear me out for a minute. Now, I understand why you think you should stage a fight, but don’t forget that you could be blowing a major media opportunity to put the spotlight on yourself, Kate.” Standing up and needing to move around, Fowler said, “Even if Section 31 is still around, you’re gonna have to work the media…and it sure as hell would make a bigger story if on top of everything, you were in love with an ex-Borg and an ex-Maquis…who’s half Klingon. That’s good…it shows diplomacy, you’re ability to meld diversity together and make it work for you, and not against you. I think you should consider even getting married, all of you, and that would at least give you some legal rights beyond being their captain…since, you really aren’t even their captain.” Turning around, Fowler crossed her arms and said, “Just think about the story…it would be bigger than anything they’d ever seen…and you’d be far too popular to screw with. I say,” Nick continued, “we go with Torres’ idea. Get in, hit’em hard with a big fat ‘Lucy, I’m home’ and blow the lid off the whole thing.” Shaking her head, she smiled and said, finishing, “The press might drive you crazy for a while…but where there’s a camera and a member of the press, there’s safety. I’ve got friends in the press, Kate…I can make your face the most recognizable face in the sector in half a day, tops…and Seven and Torres will be right behind you.”

Shaking his head, Chakotay jumped in and said, “Only one problem with that…just as quickly as we become heros, all they have to do is leak what info they have on all of us and make us look like a bunch of ruthless people that are just trying to save their own asses, or have been away for long enough that we’ve all lost our minds. They could make up any story they wanted…they could say we’d all been assimilated and were a new form of drones...or just make laughing stocks out of all of us…especially the captain.” As Fowler put her hands on her hips and sighed, Chakotay looked back to Tuvok and Janeway, and finished, “I think we’ll definitely have to use the media, but not to put this information out.” Back at Nicole, he said, “I think you should get in touch with your friends and see about immortalizing the captain and not giving Starfleet much other choice other than to make you,” looking back to Kathryn, “a hero…but I think you have to go that road without us. And, you can use the media to communicate with us...we did it all the time in the Maquis, and no one was the wiser. As far as we go, you can tell them anything…tell them at the end we showed our true colors, tried to take over the ship and you destroyed us when we tried to get away, but I still think they need to believe that we’re dead and that you don’t know anything about Section 31...other than it’s a myth.”

As Fowler shook her head slightly and mumbled that she just didn’t know how they could pull that off, Janeway said while the sandy brunette snatched up her beer, but then took a seat on the floor, cross-legged, “There are a lot of people on this ship that will be deeply upset if they think that the four of you are dead…not to mention that you were dissenters and I killed you.” When Chakotay started rubbing his forehead quickly in frustration that Janeway was worrying about those things, and B’Elanna started biting her nails again and shaking her head, Kathryn said, “What if we stage an accident just before we leave for the Alpha Quadrant?” When Tuvok raised his eyebrows, Kathryn said, “That won’t help the people that will be hurt by the news of your deaths, but if we get home right on top of that, I think it will help them deal with it...and no one has to think those terrible things about you.” Shaking her head and shrugging her shoulders, she added, “This is all of course if the Slipstream project even makes it that far.”

Turning her head, B’Elanna said surely, “It will, Red…it won’t be a problem.”

Nodding and smirking at that, Kathryn asked B’Elanna, “Do you think once it’s built and we’re ready to go, that your staff can handle taking care of any problems that may arise without you and Seven there to fix it?” When Torres sighed at that and began thinking it over, she glanced up to Chakotay and said, “It won’t do us any good if we kill you off and then suddenly have to bring you back from the dead to save us.”

Snapping her fingers, the chief said, “We do it two times. Before we leave, we can stage an accident for you two,” pointing to the male commanders, “and then after we get back, Seven and I could easily drop us out of the stream and steal a shuttle. You can pretend to blow us to bits or let us go and something else blows us to bits, and then be on your way. You’ll be close enough to home at that time that if we haven’t had any problems with the drive, I’d be okay with leaving it in Carey’s…or whoever’s hands.” Nodding and standing up, the Klingon went on, “Yea…yea that’s good. We can put you two into stasis or whatever, make people think that you’re critically injured and that’s why you don’t wait for anything to get back home. Then if all is well, meaning the drive holds up fine, Seven and I can take you two with us…say we’re taking Tuvok back to Vulcan to get’em help before he dies…taking Chakotay, who we can say finally ate it in the last few hours, to some sacred burial ground.” Shaking her head as she paced back and forth, while Chakotay shook his head at Torres’ word choice, B’Elanna stopped in front of Janeway and finished, “Yea…yea, that’s good. You won’t look like the bad guy because you’ll let us go…and then we can make whatever we want happen…warp core breach...whatever…you can try to save us, but it’s too late and we’re toast. That story will work for Starfleet too. Tell them you couldn’t not let us go help Tuvok, who needed immediate Vulcan attention and that you were sure when you let us go that Starfleet wouldn’t have any problems tracking us down if they still even cared about that after all this time. That will make them think you don’t know anything other than I was a Maquis…and it won’t matter because we all died…and basically,” she finished smirking, “you’re as happy as a lark to be home and done with the whole damn thing…and in a serious need of a vacation.”

As Janeway pursed her lips and thought it over, B’Elanna turned around and said, lifting her arms, “Well…come on…what do you think?”

“Not bad, T,” Nicole chimed in, smiling up at her friend. Then looking over to Janeway, she said, “That will put me in the position as your first officer, which might make it a little difficult for me to get to the press, though, but,” she added quickly, “it certainly does add a mighty bittersweet spin to the whole thing…might make folks more sympathetic to you since in almost eight years you never lost a senior officer, and in basically one fell swoop you lost four of them. I sure as hell would feel sorry for you…no matter who you were…that’s just not right.”

Looking around, Kathryn asked, “Then are we all in agreement that the four of you have to leave Voyager before we get home, and be thought to be dead…or is that still up for debate?”

When everyone nodded their heads, Janeway looked over to Seven, smiled softly as the blonde snoozed away next to her and said, “Alright, I think I can speak for Seven…so then that’s what we’ll do.” Then taking a sip of her coffee, she asked the next question, not bothering to ask about the other Maquis because Chakotay informed her that those that were left, and there were only a handful, were never part of Torres and his other operations and hadn’t any idea what Section 31 was…and he highly doubted Starfleet would bother with them since he, B’Elanna and Tuvok were the ones they wanted, “That means that on top of building two Slipstream drives, we’re going to have to equip one of the shuttles with a cloaking device of some kind. If you’re detected before you get where you’re going…then this will all be for nothing.”

“It won’t be a problem,” the chief came right back. “I’ve had enough experience with them to build one…and if we use the Flyer, the multi-phasic shielding will definitely come in handy since I doubt anyone in the Alpha Quadrant has even considered that…that was all ours...well, thanks to the Hansens.”

Nodding, the captain said, “Okay, then we’ll use the Flyer. That works better than the Elite Force shuttle since I don’t think I’d let you take that on your mission…considering it’ll be equipped with a Slipstream drive. Starfleet might become suspicious…if that were the case.”

“Agreed,” Tuvok allowed.

“Where do you plan on going, anyway?” asked Fowler, taking a sip of her beer.

Smiling and showing teeth, Torres said, “The Empire.”

Fowler laughed for a second, then said, seriously, “You’re going to take Seven…to the Empire?”

Nodding, B’Elanna sat down next to Nicole and explained, “Yea…she’s been studying…it’ll be cool. Besides,” she went on as she looked over to Janeway, “my mom lives there and we can lie low with her until we get some backup.” Speaking to Fowler again, she informed, “Section 31 tried to assassinate the chancellor of the Klingon High Council a while back…and they’ve done enough to cause problems between the Empire and Federation that I’m sure we could get all the help we needed.”

“That doesn’t sound like lying low, Lanna,” Janeway reminded.

“Eh,” Torres huffed, “Red, I haven’t been to the Empire since was seventeen…no one will remember me if they see me on the street…and my mom would be happy to do most of the talking…trust me on that one.”

“Are you certain she will assist us?” the Vulcan asked.

B’Elanna bobbed her head as she said, “Yea. One, I’m her only daughter…and even though we haven’t been on speaking terms in over ten years…I know she still loves me and would do anything to save me...she’s a Klingon, and we don’t let friends, and especially family go into battle alone. And two,” she held up her fingers, “she doesn’t trust the Federation…especially Starfleet. She hated it when I joined…which is one reason I did it. She’d jump at the chance to get a little revenge of her own…take my word for it. Like I said,” B’Elanna grinned, “she’s a Klingon...all the way.”

“Alright, so you’ll go to the Empire and lay low, or at least,” Janeway smirked, “the Klingon version of it. Nick and I will play the media and do our diplomatic duty. Then what?”

As everyone fell silent and contemplative, Janeway watched them all for a moment and then said, “How do you feel about putting someone on the inside as an operative…to find out what, if possible, the mood is and what we have in store for us?” When everyone looked at her funny, Kathryn informed, “We are going to test the drive before we ever use it on Voyager. Who says we can’t make a quick stop in the Alpha Quadrant during our test and drop someone off?” Taking with her free hand, the captain went on, “There are half a dozen deep space outposts in the Alpha Quadrant…what if we make a stop there and send someone to find out what they can learn before we come home. Someone,” she smirked as she looked at Nicole, “who’s an upstanding, Starfleet officer that they’d never suspect was doing anything other than their duty...since that’s what they always do.”

Sighing, Fowler said, “With all due respect, Captain…I don’t think you should be left without a proper first officer.”

“I’m not talking about you, Miss Fowler,” Janeway smiled and nodded, “I’m talking about your on-time for your shift contest partner.” When Torres and Fowler said, “Harry?” Kathryn looked to Chakotay and Tuvok and said, “Mister Kim is perfect…he’s young, loyal as the day is long, and seemingly naive enough to slip right past them. Besides,” she finished softly, “there’s not a person on this ship who would jump at such an opportunity to get home early, faster than Harry…and I for one, think we owe it to him.”

Looking at Janeway, Chakotay asked, “Do you really want Harry to know about Section 31?”

“I think he’s old enough to handle it,” Kathryn said surely. “Harry’s Starfleet through and through…he’d want to help put an end to these people…but more importantly,” she smiled, “he’d want to help us.”

“He is the logical choice,” Tuvok added. “He is relentless in his pursuits when he feels strongly about it.” Raising his eyebrow, the commander added, “He gave me an especially difficult time when you,” looking at Chakotay, “and the captain were stranded on that planet…and he, with the assistance of Kes, managed to gather a majority of the crew to convince me that contacting the Vidiians was necessary.” When Torres smiled and nodded, recalling that, Tuvok finished, “He will undoubtedly feel as strongly, if not more so, about this mission.”

“Okay,” B’Elanna jumped in, “so we send in the boy wonder to check it out for us…how do we explain his homecoming?”

“We tell them the truth,” Kathryn replied, seriously. “We can run the test of the shuttle…if it works, then we’ll start building the drive on Voyager right away…and a month or so before we’re ready to go, we’ll take the shuttle to the Alpha Quadrant and drop off Mister Kim. He can tell them that we were testing a shuttle and that we planned to build one on Voyager, and he was asked to stay behind to brief Starfleet on our current status and let them know we’re coming. I can give him some of our mission logs…plenty of things to keep them busy and Harry in the mix until we get back. I’m sure he’ll be there when we disembark…and I can find out what he knows then.”

Snapping her fingers, Fowler jumped in and said, excited, “With that kind of warnin’…it’ll be a media circus when we finally get back…that’s perfect…I mean it, that’s the stuff we need. We need that money shot when you,” pointing to Janeway with her beer bottle, “step off the ship and back into your life. Have him call your mama too…make sure she’s there.” When Torres snickered, Fowler smacked her arm with the back of her hand and said, “What’s so funny…it’s true?”

“Did you just hear yourself?” B’Elanna smacked her back, laughing. “Have him call your mama…next you’ll say…and you’re not just whistlin’ dixie.”

“Girl, don’t make me whoop your tail in front of the captain...’cause I’ll do it,” Fowler said, looking totally serious, in her subtle drawl, although adding a little more twang to her tones than normal.

When Chakotay chuckled and Tuvok sighed some, used to their banter, Janeway laughed softly, then said, “Alright you two…and yes, Miss Fowler…I’ll make sure Harry rounds up my mama.”


 

After nearly another hour of conversation during which they went on in more detail about who they knew they could trust, and who they couldn’t, how exactly they would communicate with each other, and where they could meet in safety if they believed it was required, Janeway stepped out of the bedroom after using the facilities and made her way back toward her seat. Once she’d removed herself from her position, she’d finally decided it was time for Seven to go into the other room and sleep comfortably since every now and again the Borg had twitched unconsciously and came close to waking up. Since Seven of Nine continued to be a heavy sleeper, especially when she wasn’t consistently following her routine, waking her up when she was in such a state could be rather difficult without shouting authoritatively and informing her to comply. Not wanting to do that in front of everyone, Kathryn softly tried to stir her a few times to no avail, and just as she was about to turn to Fowler, who she knew could lift the Borg, not asking Chakotay since his back was continuing to bother him due to stress, Tuvok stood and up informed Janeway that he would assist.

If Tuvok hadn’t shown protective tendencies concerning Seven of Nine since she boarded Voyager, and especially this evening, the captain was fairly certain she’d be downright beside herself in shock, but considering the things he had told her this evening, which she honestly wasn’t certain he would have ever told her if she wasn’t in love with the woman and would have seen to taking care of himself, she rather expected it, once she thought about it. So, the Vulcan, in a rare display of his physical fortitude, picked up the Borg and carried her off to the bedroom, Seven stirring only for a moment to open her eyes, but once she saw Tuvok and he informed her not to resist and that she was required to sleep, the blonde complied without question.

Janeway followed right after him, glad that B’Elanna hadn’t joined her since Kathryn figured that this was the last time she was going to be able to tuck Seven of Nine in for a very long time, and of course, there was always the deeply hidden fear of it possibly being the last time ever, now that she knew Seven’s life was probably in danger more than anyone’s, which wasn’t at all easy for the captain to swallow. She’d severed Seven to give her her life back that had been stolen from her, not to severe her just so she could be used, experimented with, and then tossed aside, or outright terminated by a narrow-minded, “holier than thou” group of “megalomaniacs” that believed it was there right to preserve the Federation by violating everything it stood for to maintain order, as they saw it. Kathryn wasn’t certain how she was going to beat this group, whose inception was believed by Tuvok, and others, to have begun when the Federation began, but considering she’d beaten the Borg Queen, a being who used every tactic imaginable, without pause or consideration for morality, to promote her agenda, to save Seven of Nine, and she was damn certain she could beat Section 31. They were merely human…or of similar species, and not only did Kathryn now have more than a few aces up her sleeve, they had no idea what this Janeway was truly capable of when it was crunch time. To Section 31 she was the young scientist turned captain who’d let her father die because she didn’t have the backbone to make a choice between him and her lover, but to Voyager, and to those that were depending on her now, despite everything they’d discovered about her tonight, she was their central node. In this instance, she was perfectly comfortable with being more like a Borg Queen than a Starfleet captain. She’d be as relentless, as devious, as cunning, manipulative, loathsome, arrogant, and unforgiving as the Collective’s matriarch…and afterward, when everything was said and done and Section 31 was exposed, and her Collective was safe, only then would she stop to rest and give consideration to what she would do with the rest of her life.

While Tuvok laid Seven down on the bed, Janeway closed the door on the bedroom and said quietly as he took off the blonde’s shoes, “Thank you…I’m lucky to be able to lift her left leg when she’s in that state.”

“She is remarkably…sturdy,” Tuvok replied, setting the shoes down on the floor. Then standing up straight, he said, “I’ll give you some privacy.”

Chuckling mildly as she stepped up next to him, Janeway patted his arm and said, “I’d like to talk to you for a few minutes privately…unless,” she smirked at him, “you’d be uncomfortable talking to me while I undress her?”

“Are you certain she would not be uncomfortable?” Tuvok asked, certainly not uncomfortable with nudity himself in the least. He could really care less about such things, except during the pon farr, but he typically behaved in the way he knew was considered culturally appropriate by Starfleet and the Federation...especially humans, since they were indeed peculiar and often contradictory.

The captain snickered softly again as she sat down on the edge of the bed and began unbuttoning Seven’s silk blouse, “She only becomes uncomfortable if others around her are…or if she feels she’s being viewed as different, and not,” Kathryn smirked as Tuvok went around the bed and sat on the other end, swiveling toward her, “because she’s so lovely.” When Tuvok raised his eyebrows some and nodded his head in perfect understanding, Kathryn said, very quiet as she slowly and carefully started maneuvering the blonde out of her shirt so she didn’t stir her, “You know, you’re about the closest thing to a father she has…or probably will ever have since both mine and Lanna’s are…absent.” As Tuvok bobbed his head at that, silently informing the captain he was aware of that, she questioned as she pulled free Seven’s arm and eased the shirt from underneath her, “How do you feel about that?” When Tuvok cocked his eyebrow at her word choice, she laughed softly and said, “You know what I mean…what are your thoughts about that?”

“Each of my children is unique…Seven of Nine is no exception.”

“I think,” Kathryn said as she unzipped her lover’s pants, “she’d really like to hear that from you one of these days.” When Tuvok said, “Then I will tell her the next time we are alone,” Janeway informed, “I can’t tell you how I relieved I am to know that you’re going to be with her when we get back.” Pulling the pants off her hips, smiling to herself as she saw that Seven was wearing a pair of stockings underneath, the captain went on, “It’s not that I don’t trust B’Elanna, but I think she’s going to have enough emotional issues to deal with on her own that she hasn’t realized yet…and there’s going to be so much happening around Seven that’s she’s never seen before…I’m,” she sighed as she pulled the pants all of the way down and absently handed them to Tuvok, who folded them, “just glad you’ll be there to help calm her.”

As he folded the pants and Janeway started pulling down Seven’s panty hose, Tuvok reminded, “I appreciate your approval, but I’m not certain I can help calm her more than another. She was not pleased with me this evening and was not afraid to inform me of that.”

“No, but that’s just who she is…and,” Kathryn said, continuing to pull Seven’s stockings down carefully so as to not catch them on the long, smooth S shaped implant on her left leg, “that wasn’t your fault. That was mine. If I hadn’t been so upset, she wouldn’t have either.” Then shaking her head as she slipped the clothing off completely and carefully folded up the stockings, setting them down on top of Seven’s pants that the Vulcan had folded, she went on while she pointed to Tuvok and silently requested that he get up and help her pull down the covers on the bed, “Anyway, that doesn’t really matter. She’s not going to hold any of this against you now that we’ve all expressed our feelings and reasons…I think she understands we we’re all doing the best we could with a terrible situation. Pulling the covers over Seven’s naked lower half and stopping at her stomach, Janeway leaned down and asked clearly as she stroked Seven’s face, “Darling, turn on your side for me.”

Inhaling deeply, Seven’s eyes fluttered open as she mumbled, “What has occurred?”

“I want you to turn on your side,” Kathryn requested again, having dealt with the Borg for long enough now to understand exactly how she needed to speak with her to get her to do what she needed without keeping her awake, “and then go back to sleep.”

“Very well,” Seven whispered, listless, doing so.

If Janeway didn’t know Seven better, and how she operated, she’d be concerned about the Borg’s continuing bouts of unstoppable drowsiness, but even though Kathryn hadn’t been able to spend as much time with Seven as she’d prefer in recent months, she still knew that she, above all others, knew Seven better than anyone. And because of that, she knew that any emotional strain wore on her body faster than anything else. Seven could recover from physical exertion rather quickly, but emotions typically confounded her for weeks on end since she either was so scared to them she tried to ignore them completely, which she wasn’t trained to do like Tuvok, or she attempted to understand them explicitly, which was often rather difficult to do. The fact that Seven had not only been working entirely too hard up until just a few days ago, had been feeling guilty for being so distant with Janeway, and then even more so when they finally had words about it…and add on her own everyday fears, her concern for Kathryn upon their return and her emotional state after her very poorly timed nightmare, and then all of tonight’s revelations, particularly the one that threatened to take B’Elanna Torres away from her, Janeway was actually rather surprised Seven made it as late into the evening as she did.

Smiling as she reached behind Seven with both hands and unhooked her bra, Janeway kept herself from laughing out loud as she recalled how tickled she was after watching Seven, for an entire evening several months ago, ponder ‘the bra.’ That night, the lady Borg finally came to the conclusion that she would adapt to it rather than the other way around since the style hadn’t changed much in centuries, and she couldn’t think of any other way to make the ‘device’ less confining since that was its ‘primary function.’

As she did that, Janeway said quietly, worried if she spoke too loudly yet Seven would wake or start questioning her as to why she was speaking of her, “At any rate, I was hoping…considering your relationship with her, if you wouldn’t mind taking over for me as her mentor?” Explaining further since she highly doubted Tuvok would disagree, the captain said as she pulled the bra off her free shoulder, then slowly eased Seven back into her original, and preferred sleeping position, “She doesn’t really look up to B’Elanna for the same reasons she looks up to me…at least not in the same context, and considering B’Elanna’s going to have to really promote her Klingon…ness…I assume, I’m concerned all of that could become overwhelming for her.”

Getting the bra off completely now, Janeway opened up the drawer in Seven’s nightstand and pulled out her lotion that the doctor had prescribed for her abdominal implant began malfunctioning severely. After that experience, Seven had continued to use the lotion around her other implants whenever the skin became irritated, which her naturally fair skin was prone to doing. Whenever Seven wore anything other than her biosuits for more than a few hours, she typically complained about dryness on those areas since she didn’t perspire or produce any natural oils as most bipedal species did to lubricated their skin, and her biosuits helped to trap the perfect amount of moisture inside of them, which was one of the reasons they had to be skintight and have her shoes sown into them. After pulling the blanket over her exposed chest, and gently maneuvering her arms out from under it and folding them on Seven’s stomach as she knew that was how she’d probably end up sleeping like, Janeway went on while she opened the jar and carefully applied the lotion around Seven’s starburst on her upper arm, explaining quickly first as Tuvok watched, curious, “Her skin gets dry rather quickly when she doesn’t wear her biosuits…living on a starship probably doesn’t help either,” she added, since the manufactured, purified air definitely left her naturally dry skin brittle from time to time. When Tuvok nodded, beginning to pay very close attention to all of the things that were required to be done to assist the drone, understanding that some of them were purely indulgence on Janeway’s part and driven by emotion, but also that Seven most likely took comfort in them, the captain said, “But as I was saying,” moving down to Seven’s mesh hand and concentrating her efforts on the upper area where the metal melded with the skin beneath it, “about you assisting her…I think perhaps you could work with her liked you worked with Kes…maybe just work with her on remaining relaxed during tense situations…and not just frozen by her uncertainty…or as liable to jump in and take control forcefully when she feels threatened.” Cradling Seven’s meshed hand in hers carefully, Janeway looked over to him and finished, “Maybe just a few techniques she can use to help her with her diplomacy…I think she’ll need that now, more than ever…being surrounded by strangers that don’t understand her like we do...especially strangers that may attempt to use her.”

Tuvok’s head bobbed from side to side slightly as he spoke, “Of course…that is most likely wise…and I don’t think it would hurt her to at least attempt it and become familiar with the techniques…however,” he raised his eyebrow as Janeway looked over at him when he paused, “as you know, she will not use them if she doesn’t believe they’re necessary.”

“I know,” Janeway acknowledged, “but I also know that she’s been continually curious since Burnhouse…with regards to less…certain, or quantifiable aspects of life.” Clearing her drying throat mildly as she closed up the lotion container, not bothering with the implant on her leg since it seemed the stockings helped similar to her biosuits and there hadn’t been any redness around the tissue, the redhead informed, “I’m not sure if you know this, but for a while afterward she questioned Chakotay about his cultural beliefs. He was kind enough to allow her to observe a few of his rituals, but she stopped when he offered to introduce her to her Spirit Guide. She never really explained why, and no one pushed her…but I think,” Janeway stopped for a beat as she reached up and carefully slipped her hands under Seven’s head to pull out her hair clip, “the lack of control…the hallucinogenic state was what kept her from trying it.” Sighing softly as she lifted her head enough to comb her hair down, Seven only moving her lips a small amount, and sighing once, Kathryn went on, “She never went back to him and returned the leather piece he gave to her for her birthday since she didn’t need it any more. He wasn’t offended, of course, since she’s clearly not a pack rat…but I think he was a little concerned that she wouldn’t explore those types of things further simply because she doesn’t want to take a Vision Quest.” Placing Seven’s head back down and brushing the hair that was so much shorter tonight, now just falling beyond her shoulders in long layers, off her neck, Kathryn continued as she stayed where she was currently and just looked at Seven, not feeling self-conscious in the least around Tuvok, even if she was clearly displaying deep emotions, “I certainly don’t want to make her do anything she doesn’t want to do, but I think perhaps she’d enjoy learning to meditate…and to experience those types of things with someone she trusts…and,” Kathryn glanced over that the Vulcan quickly, “I don’t think it’s any secret that she trusts you more than Chakotay.” Looking back at Seven, she finished, whispering, “He certainly wasn’t her biggest fan for a long time…and I know that even though she believes he cares for her now, she continues to keep him at an arms length...and with how tonight went...I don’t think that’s going to help. I think all they’d have to do would be to spend some time alone together for that to get settled, but I think he’ll have to make the first move now. Besides,” looking back to Tuvok, “you two have much more in common and I know how concerned you are for her safety specifically.”

Highly fascinated, Tuvok allowed, “It’s intriguing that despite your own current emotional turmoil, the uncertainty of all of these events, and your typical amount of duty that you would think to discuss such a seemingly small aspect of Seven’s growth right now.”

Chuckling warmly, Kathryn stood up and said as she gathered up Seven’s things, “Oh, that’s easy, old friend…sometimes,” she smiled over at him, “it’s just nice to talk about nicer things…like helping those we love. Besides,” she went on as she went into the closet and just set her things down on the shelf, deciding to put them away later, “I needed to feel like I was at least accomplishing something…and sometimes in situations that seem too big to fathom,” she finished as she came back out, “it’s best to start with the little things and work your way up to the real big ones…like how to decimate Section 31.”

Standing, curious as to her word choice again, Tuvok questioned, “Do you believe we can decimate them...completely?”

Janeway looked him dead in the eye as she said with the utmost certainty, “They’ve already taken two people I loved from me…and I’m not about to let them have any more. So yes, I will destroy them completely…or I’ll die trying…I owe my family now and for generations to come at least that much.”


 

Kathryn rose up on her tip toes as Chakotay leaned down and kissed her cheek, able to cleanly smell the scent of burnt tobacco on his person. Returning the gesture as he pulled her close and whispered, “My respect for you is undying, Kathryn,” Janeway hugged him back fiercely, still hardly able to believe that after an evening where she had shot him serious death daggers for looks, cursed directly at him, and slapped him, something she had never done to another living soul—although there had been several times where she’d come close to slapping Q for some of the sexually forward things he’d said to her—was ending with a warm embrace and words of mutual respect and admiration. She wasn’t entirely certain what aspect of the evening was bringing out this sense in her that she’d sorely underestimated him all these years, but she figured a very large part of it wasn’t because she learned a great deal about how cunning and prepared he had to be to stay alive all these years, not to mention be successful, and not that he’d taken her on one hell of a ride in the life of a Maquis earlier in the evening by keeping her guessing, but because she’d actually seen him cry…cry because a friend of his was hurting emotionally. She’d seen him cry one other time too, but that had been when their shuttle had crashed and he thought she’d died…but she’d been under the influence of an alien…ironically, an alien disguising their presence as her father…and that whole mess was so confounded to this day Janeway refused to think upon it because it gave her a headache.

There was no doubt in her mind about Chakotay’s bravery…she’d never doubted that, and she knew from experience that he was tough and could be downright mean if he had to be…and she also knew from experience how gentle he could be from when he’d kissed her all those years back…but he’d always been the calm, patient sort who was there for a friend in a heartbeat to sooth and comfort with his wisdom. He’d never been the type to simply just sit there with his hands over his face, completely helpless to do anything except cry. The few times she’d seen him terribly conflicted, he’d always walked away from her…but tonight he’d just sat there and cried right along with her…and because of that, she felt rather humbled to have such a man’s undying respect.

Keeping herself from apologizing for physically accosting him since she knew he didn’t want or need any more apologies from her, Janeway said instead, “Thank you for staying so long…I know you’ve got an early shift tomorrow…but I appreciate it.”

Chakotay pulled away, chuckling some at her, and said, nodding, “Well, if you don’t mind, Captain, I think I’ll break into Sickbay before I go and clean myself up…just so there aren’t any misunderstandings.”

Reaching up and touching his bruised lower lip, turning his head slightly to the side, Kathryn opened her mouth, then closed it, shook her head and merely sighed. Then nodding, she said, “I guess it could have been worse.”

“True,” he laughed softly, “if you hadn’t come out when you did, I think Seven would have given me a black eye to match…at least.” Then sighing, he leaned down and whispered, “Do me a favor…before your big break-up…tell her to come see me when and if she wants to and I’ll share my secret recipe for death by chocolate chip cookies with her.” Then standing up as Kathryn snickered at that and nodded, he held up his finger and said, “I’ve never share my aunt’s recipe with anyone, I’ll have you know…I was sworn to secrecy, but I think it’s time I passed it along to someone who will truly appreciate it.”

“I will…I promise,” Kathryn returned softly, patting his arm again.

Looking over his shoulder before he stepped out of the captain’s quarters, Chakotay said, “Alright, kid…I’m jumping ship.” When Torres, who was in the corner speaking with Fowler quietly, turned her head and looked at him, he smiled as best he could before he broke open his scabbed lip and said, “Good work tonight…but we’ve still got to work on your left.” When Torres smirked at him, he asked, “Three nights from now work for you?”

“I’ll be there, old man…on my honor,” B’Elanna replied, smiling honestly and modest. When Chakotay said goodnight to Nicole next and her best friend replied with a respectful, “G’night, Commander…and don’t worry, I’ll have your chair all shined and ready for your return,” Torres waited for Chakotay to depart before she smacked Fowler’s arm and said, “Kiss ass.”

“If it ain’t broke, sister...don’t fix it,” Nicole replied as she patted her friend’s arm, smiling. As Torres repeated her words under her breath while rolling her eyes, Fowler downed her beer, handed the bottle to B’Elanna and said, “Take care of this for me, shrimp,” as Janeway started collecting the various glasses left about and recycling them.

Snatching up the bottle, B’Elanna said, “Fowler, you’re lucky I like you,” as she picked up the ones Janeway’s couldn’t handle all at once.

“Luck’s a word,” Fowler shot back. Then standing up, she said in a much different, softer tone, “Well, Captain…unless there’s anything you need, I think I’ll let you two hit the hay. Besides, it’s gettin’ on past my bedtime and I don’t wanna be late tomorrow.”

Stepping away from the replicator, Janeway turned around and said, “I’ll walk you back.” Then over her shoulder, she asked to be certain, speaking to Torres, “You’ll be here when I get back…won’t you?”

“Yeaht,” Torres said, finishing her cleaning. “Take your time...I’ll just flip for a while,” speaking of the peculiar pastime called ‘channel surfing.’ “Later, killer…breakfast?”

“Same Bat-time?” Fowler questioned as Janeway sighed and shook her head in amusement at their peculiar lingo when they were pretending to be tough…which Kathryn thought was absurd, although hilarious, since there wasn’t a single person she knew who would question that quality in the two brunettes.

Continuing toward the couch, Torres replied, “The same. See ya.”

After finishing her greeting with the chief, Fowler absently stepped aside enough to allow Janeway to pass through the doorway, then stated rather than asked, speaking quietly as she fell in-step with her commanding officer, “You wanted to speak with me, Captain?”

“No, not really,” Kathryn informed, equally quiet. “I just needed a reason to get out of there for a few minutes. I hope you don’t mind an escort?”

Trying to make Kathryn laugh, Fowler put her arm around Janeway’s shoulder for a moment and whispered, “I never miss a chance to be in the company of a pretty lady…no matter how short…the time, I mean.”

Barking in laughter, Kathryn elbowed her slightly and said, “And here all this time I thought you were smoother than smooth?” Then said softer, “And thank you...you’re sweet...and smooth.”

Chuckling, Fowler allowed as they turned the corner, “Don’t be fooled…it’s all an act. I’m just a hick pilot, remember?”

“If you’re just a hillbilly,” Kathryn asked, not particularly fond of the work hick, even if she understood that Fowler took it as a compliment, still chuckling, “what on earth does that make me?” Then holding up her hand, she added quickly, “Never mind…I don’t wanna know.”

Slapping her leg as she lifted it, being goofy on purpose, Nick drawled, “Well shoot dang, Miss Kate…and just when I’s about to redeem m’self.”

“Oooh, now that was smooth,” Kathryn smiled up at her.

“Yea?” Fowler shrugged and said, smiling back, “Hmm…must be the beer.” Then stopping in front of her cabin, she said, “Well, this is my stop.” Opening the door, she asked, “Did you wanna come in for a spell…you’re always welcome…I hope you know that?”

“Yes, I know,” Kathryn nodded as she crossed her arms over her chest and leaned against the doorframe, “and thank you, but I’ll pass tonight.” Then looking up, she said, “Listen, there’s something I want to tell you that I’m not sure you know.”

Fowler leaned back and looked down at her feet as she mimicked the captain’s position without realizing it, then nodded and said quickly, “I think I know, Captain…and you don’t have to say it. You’re my captain…I’m a Starfleet officer…it’s my duty to do what I do…so,” looking up, she finished, “you don’t have to thank me.”

Smirking, Janeway said, “Well done, Miss Fowler…it’s not every day that someone reads a captain’s mind so well.”

“I’ve been practicing some,” Nick shrugged modestly.

“Nevertheless,” Kathryn continued on, stepping up closer to Nicole, “I think we’ve both been hit with a rather nasty taste of reality that not everyone does what we do for the same noble reasons…and…”

Cutting Janeway off quickly, not believing she would mind in this case, Fowler said, “There’s no nobility behind this, Captain…I do this because I love it. It matters to me…that’s why I do it.”

“On the contrary, Nick,” Kathryn replied softly, “behind every noble person is a passion for their duty…whatever that may be…that’s part of what makes them noble.” When Fowler opened her mouth, then closed it and sighed, Janeway chuckled and said, shaking her head, “If you’d rather not think of yourself as noble, then I’m not going to argue with you, but I want you to know, that I do think you’re noble…simply for being you. All of this,” she shook her head, “isn’t easy for me to accept, and I’m sure it can’t be any easier on you for the same reasons, but if,” holding up her finger, “if one good thing has come out of this revelation…it’s that I,” she smiled, “will never again take for granted the fine thing that is a Starfleet officer…under anyone’s command, but especially mine.” As Fowler took a deep breath and bowed her head, Janeway finished, patting Fowler’s stomach and walking away, “Especially when they’re golden angels disguised as chivalrous pilots…thank you for your time, Commander…sweet dreams.”


 

“Hey yourself,” Kathryn responded to Torres’ greeting as she walked toward the couch where B’Elanna was laying across, on her stomach, watching the television, able to tell that B’Elanna had returned the ventilation system to normal. When B’Elanna immediately turned it off, Kathryn said, “You don’t have to turn it off.”

Turning over and pushing herself up, ending up with her back against the arm, the chief said, “Yea I did.” When Janeway stopped next to her and sighed, B’Elanna patted her lap and said, “Assume the talking position.” As Kathryn sighed and then looked at her modestly cross for making jokes, B’Elanna said, reaching out and grabbing Janeway’s hand, pulling her down, “Cowgirl…if you expect me to dump your skinny ass tomorrow…then,” she placed her hands on Kathryn’s hips as Janeway straddled her lap, “you gotta know I’m not gonna lose a moment I have with you until then.”

“I was under the impression I was dumping you, darling,” Kathryn came back. “I am the captain.” When Torres smirked, Janeway leaned forward, kissed her lips softly, then said against them, not bothered by the smoke or the beer taste, “Besides, it works better if I bow out…conflict of interest…all…mmm,” she hummed absently as Torres deepened the kiss quickly, “mmm…hmm…that…god Lanna,” Janeway breathed, pressing her forehead to B’Elanna’s, “I’m going to miss you terribly.”

Torres breathed deeply as she whispered, rubbing her thumbs across Kathryn’s waist, “Are you sure you wanna do this now…maybe we should wait…give you some time…all of us time to deal?”

Grabbing B’Elanna’s face, the captain said as her eyes started to grow into painful swirls of blue-grey, not answering the question in her own way, “Tell me you’ll take care of her…I know you will, but tell me anyway.” Running her right hand over Torres’ forehead quickly, she begged, “Tell me you’ll stick together no matter what happens to me…tell me you’ll never leave her alone. Tell me, Lanna…I know you will, but tell me anyway.”

Understanding everything that Janeway was saying and asking, and furthermore understanding what an incredible honor she was being given by the redhead by Janeway turning over protection of her precious Seven to anyone except herself, B’Elanna Torres sat forward some, threw her arms around Kathryn and said, “I swear it on my mother’s name…on my family’s honor…and to every god anyone ever believed in, Kathryn…I’ll never abandon her…ever.”

Pulling away just a small amount after they’d embraced for several long minutes, Kathryn sniffled and said, “I love you…thank you.”

“Don’t thank me, baby,” Torres whispered. “It’s the greatest honor I could ever have…well,” she added as she lifted Janeway’s chin, “other than getting Kathryn the Great to marry a fool-headed, tool-pusher like me.”

Blinking her eyes, Janeway swallowed and asked, wiping her own cheek with the palm of her right hand before she cried anymore, “B’Elanna…did…did you just ask what I think you asked?”

“Oh no,” Torres said quickly, “you’ll know it when that happens, Red…they’ll be no questioning it…the shine off the rock I’m gonna find for you will be enough alone to blind you…and that’s not evening making note of my smile.”

Pushing forward again and hugging Torres, Janeway said, “I love you…god, I love you so much…tell me this isn’t the second biggest mistake of my life…tell me I’m not going to lose you both.”

“Kathryn,” B’Elanna started to cry, grabbing her lover’s hand and pushing them together at her lips. Then sitting forward again and pressing her forehead to Kathryn chest, she said, sniffling back her chaotic emotions as best she could, the Klingon feeling rather drained as well, which was true, even for Tuvok, who was currently meditating in his quarters, “God, why…why didn’t you ever tell me you’ve been killing yourself all this time all by yourself? I don’t ever want you to suffer alone. Don’t do that anymore...that’s why I’m here...I don’t want you to do that anymore…do you hear me?”

“I couldn’t,” Janeway whispered, “I just couldn’t tell you…I couldn’t tell you that I couldn’t chose.”

“No one could have chosen…there is no right answer,” Torres whispered, pulling Janeway down some and resting her head on her shoulder. “You could have never made that choice…that’s not what you do…you don’t accept defeat.” Then pulling away and grabbing her lover’s shoulders some, she shook her lightly and reminded, “And you are not to blame, Kathryn…that fucker Denaway killed your father and your fiancee and he would have killed you too if your worst day didn’t save his filthy ass…and he got what he deserved, Red. And I’m glad I was there to cut his throat…I only wished I would have known I was defending your honor when I did it.” When Janeway shook her head, Torres said, “Kathryn, goddammit listen to me…you have no dishonor…none…you fought to save them both. You didn’t accept defeat…you are good because you never surrender…and that P’TaQ is the only one to blame for your pain. He used you when you thought you’d lost everything…he used an innocent person to save his own ass…and he is why you have suffered alone all these years. He took your daddy away…he dishonored you…and I sent him back to hell where he should have stayed…and he better pray that I go to Sto-Vo-Kor, because if I see him again, I will make him suffer,” she snarled as her Klingon blood began to boil at the thought of the sweetest revenge, “until the end of time.”

As Janeway leaned forward and rested her forehead against her while she shuddered slightly, unable to cry anymore though, Torres informed, “And you will not lose us because you don’t accept defeat…and because Seven’s favorite line is resistance is futile…and because a Klingon never surrenders to cowards.” Lifting her hands to Janeway’s neck, she added, “We’re gonna make it home…we’re gonna show’em just why it is that we’ve managed to survive all this time alone…and we’re gonna have’em in the palm of our hands, cowgirl…and then we’re gonna go back the farm, get old, grey and really, really fat…I mean huge.” As Janeway laughed once and swallowed, the chief finished, “We’re going to shine them all on and live happily ever after…and never share our cake with anyone…because, let me tell ya, Red,” kissing Kathryn’s chin, “I plan to have my cake and eat it too until I puke…and then I’ll just have some more until I die from sugar overdose.”

Sitting back some and looking down at B’Elanna, Kathryn asked, whispering, cradling Torres’ face in her palms, “And would that be considered a good death for a warrior?”

“Baby,” Torres smiled her crazy grin, saying before she kissed the captain, “that would be the best way to go.”


 

Stepping into the silent confines of her Ready Room after tucking Torres in and telling her that she needed some private time tonight, but wanted her to stay with Seven, which B’Elanna went along with easily and understood completely, Captain Janeway walked up to her desk and unzipped her tunic. Shrugging it off and hanging it on the back of her chair, she kicked off her boots, then proceeded to her closet and changed her stained shirt. After returning to her desk, she logged onto her workstation as she leaned over the shiny, ebony construct. When as she was informed that she had a priority message waiting for her, she rolled her eyes at her replicator as it reminded her that she didn’t have enough rations available to produce a nutritional supplement and said to it, “Be nice to me tonight or I’ll call the mean Klingon and let her give you all the ‘special’ features she wants.”

Then blinking her eyes as she thought she heard something that sounded like faint laughter, Kathryn glanced at the replicator, narrowed her eyes as she had a moment of doubt that the device had actually developed a personality since it seemed to regularly attempt to make her life ‘interesting’ by dumping full cups of coffee all over the place. Then shaking her head at herself, Kathryn whispered, serious, and mildly clenching her jaw, “You really need a vacation…promise me you’ll take a few days off soon before I start to worry about you.”

Accessing her priority message, even if she hadn’t come here to work but rather just get away and allow herself to do whatever it was she was going to have to do to go forward as anything remotely close to the woman she was before this day, a small smile formed on her rosy lips as she read that Ensign Saff Garen had decided to take her up on her offer to work in Astrometrics. Closing the message and standing up straight, taking a quick breath as a warm sensation came over her, Janeway exhaled, shaking her head and said, brighter as she snatched up the workstation and skirted her desk, “I think I’ll take that as a good omen…thank you, Mister Saff.”

As she set down the laptop and snatched up her coffee pot, she stopped when she noticed that Roxanne Baker’s book was sitting on the couch. Thinking back, trying to recall if she’d brought it when she came to work this morning—bringing a book to work certainly not being her practice, but it wasn’t the first time she’d done so and she often kept several in her office for decoration purposes, rather than entertainment—the captain shook her head again and mumbled, “I must have picked it up when I dropped off the brownies.” She didn’t honestly remember doing so, but then again, this whole day seemed like one large blur, and this morning felt like it had occurred at least two weeks ago, so she didn’t worry about her usually very sharp memory since she often forgot small little things like where she put items, and preferred to concentrate on more important data.

After filling her pot up with hot water, and then setting the device to run a self-diagnostic, “Just to be safe,” the captain came back to the upper level of her office and took a seat on the couch after digging out her pillow and blanket, knowing very well that if she managed to sleep at all, it was going to be right here and no where else. Once she was curled up with her feet tucked halfway underneath her and her workstation was set in front of her on the couch, Janeway accessed Garen’s message again and informed him to be prepared to return to Voyager when the commander came back. That being done, she then sat for a few minutes and stared down her workstation, perfectly aware that if at any other time in her life she should compose a personal log, it was now, but she was honestly at a loss for words currently. So, pushing the device away and snatching up Foxfire, hoping if she spent a few hours reading, she’d be more capable of getting her feelings out, Kathryn turned more toward the window and set the book up on the top of her couch. After taking a moment to admire the shabby item again and shake her head at its gloriously bruised character, a good deal of her feeling much like the book in her hands, Janeway snatched it up and forced herself to turn around into a better position for her back, knowing if she didn’t, she’d suffer later in the early morning.

As Janeway turned and opened the book, a piece of paper slipped out from the middle of it and fell directly into her blanketed lap. Glancing down at the folded, wrinkled paper which looked like it had been used to wipe up a coffee spill ages ago, Janeway set the book to the side and picked up the note. After thinking it over for a moment—concerned she was being entirely too nosey and should just put it back, she reminded herself that Baker had lent the book to her and if there was anything terribly personal on it, she’d have taken it out first—the captain opened it slowly, just taking a quick peek. Relaxing immediately when she realized the note was a poem…a poem not by Baker, Kathryn blinked her eyes, squinted more than normal thanks to all the tears she’d shed this insanely long evening, pulled her head back from the text until it cleared up and read the fairly short poem.

Looking up from the withered paper and blinking her eyes as the pointed poem’s meaning set in immediately, it leaving very little to the imagination, which is what made it well written in Kathryn’s opinion, Janeway let her vision drop back to the paper as she held it and felt the strangest sensation of coincidence that she’d ever felt in her life…and there had been more times than she could count correctly. Exhaling as she realized she’d been holding her breath, Janeway absently reached forward and poured herself a cup of water as she read the text a second time, just to be certain she wasn’t reading into it. Bringing the cup to her lips as she turned the paper over and looked for any clues as to why Baker would keep such a poem, especially in its current condition, in her favorite book. Then shaking her head when she didn’t find any, Janeway mumbled, “Maybe it came with the book?” since for some reason, although she had to admit that she knew very little about the book’s current owner, it just didn’t seem like a poem Baker would enjoy enough to keep handy. She could imagine the young woman appreciating it for the fact that it was a rather remarkable poem…the good captain surprised that she’d never heard of it, actually, but she just couldn’t see sweet Roxanne considering it one of her favorites, which was typically the reason someone kept a copy of a poem.

When that thought struck her funny, Kathryn looked back at the book, then to the poem, continued on with her thought, then finally relaxed some at the uneasiness the ‘fate’ factor was causing her as she realized the poem had most likely come with the book, considering both of their conditions, and that “of course” the previous owner would keep it with this book because the poem had a similar theme of an unconquerable spirit as did Foxfire. Shaking her head at herself for being so fanciful to be bothered by a coincidence, Kathryn mumbled as she stuck the poem back in the book and reminded herself to ask Roxanne what she thought of the poem when she returned the article, “You’re starting to sound worse than the merchant…shame on you.”

After sitting quietly with the meaning of poem and sipping her water for a few moments, Janeway looked over at her workstation, pursed her lips some as she contemplated her current thought process. One of the reasons she was having difficulty even beginning to compose a personal log was because she knew that responsibly, she couldn’t talk about anything she really needed to talk about. She couldn’t mention Section 31, couldn’t talk about the ‘family’ dinner that she figured she should have guessed would go just the way it did considering how it started, and she really couldn’t even discuss her lovers since tomorrow she was going to have to somehow make everyone believe that she, of all the people, would actually walk away from B’Elanna and Seven, who Kathryn believed with all her heart were not only too good for her, but the best she could ever do. That was especially true considering between the two of them, they surpassed all of Kathryn’s other past interests in every category that mattered to the captain. Justin had been the strongest devotional love she’d known, Mark had been the best friend she’d known, and Julie had not only been the best at getting Kathryn to relax and go with the flow that she, Julie, set, but she’d also been the best, most confident lover Janeway had ever known. Even though they’d only spent two nights together, and had communicated less than a handful of times since their last night together, she’s still been better than the male lovers in her life at basically having her way with the captain, and getting the captain to enjoy that…a lot. Janeway had been able to figure out the reasons why, quickly, that Seven and B’Elanna were greater in the first three categories, but it taken her a little while to put her finger on exactly why they—especially Miss Torres, who was very well versed, as well as confident, and consistently rocked Janeway’s world…purely sexually speaking—were better lovers. And she knew it wasn’t because there were two of them. But in the bathtub with Torres on the eve of the Day of Honor, she’d finally figured it out…and it was because she was madly in love with them, where she hadn’t been with Julie. There had been a definite amount of lust, but not love considering she didn’t really know anything about the taller, paler, curvaceous, indigo-eyed, raven haired, equally aged female, other than that she liked only honey in her coffee, loved to talk but hated to cook anything, spoke much better French and Italian than Janeway, preferred to lead when she danced with a woman, had sure and steady wandering hands when she did so, looked wickedly vibrant in black, and was a medical doctor when she wasn’t being irresistible and absolutely enchanting in her brilliantly opinionated quirkiness.

Regarding her log, or inability to compose one, Janeway also honestly didn’t even think it was a good idea to talk about Fowler and Wildman and the funny things and sad things she’d learned today…or how Samantha had asked her if she could put in her will that if she were to die while Naomi was still a minor, Janeway would be given custody of her only daughter. All of that was dangerous now…and would be so irresponsibly selfish of her, she knew if anything ever happened to them because of that, she’d never forgive herself. Then thinking about that for a moment, Kathryn’s pulse began to quicken as she realized that she’d completely forgotten about that through all of this.

As the implications of everything started to set him, Janeway closed her eyes and bowed her head when she started to realize that not only was she going to have to distance herself from her lovers, she was going to have to tell Samantha that she couldn’t take care of Naomi at all, and, to top it all off, that the child could no longer be her assistant, which immediately broke her already severely fractured heart. Realizing she had a hell of a lot of damage control to do and logs to tamper with to make certain Section 31 had no idea that Naomi Wildman was anything to the redhead other than a poorly timed addition to her crew, Kathryn began concocting ideas in her head as to how she could break the news to the Wildmans without alienating them completely. Then sighing and covering her mouth as she allowed, “Ohno,” when she realized that her break-up, especially with Seven, could devastate the small child and leave her confused and hurting. Janeway’s hand migrated from her mouth, to her forehead where she pinched the bridge of her nose, which helped her to concentrate at desperate times, and whispered, “Damn you to hell, Denaway.”

Kathryn knew that the late admiral certainly wasn’t the lone figure in all of this, but he was the only one she knew personally, as far as they were aware, and considering what he’d done to her personally, especially using her at her most vulnerable moment to forward his agenda and talk her into hiding such a hurtful secret from her mother, that’s where she was focusing her rage…for now.

Taking a deep breath through her nose, and looking up, Janeway said, “Calm down…just relax and think.” Then after sitting completely still for a few more minutes, the captain settling on several aspects of this whole matter that she believed were necessary to accomplish quickly so as to not do any more damage that was necessary to innocent people since that wouldn’t make her any better than Section 31, in her mind, she brought her mug to her lips and mumbled, “You can’t fix it all tonight…not like this…something’s got to give.”

So, with that, she leaned forward, set her mug down and put her mind to ignoring the captain inside of her that was trying to put all of the pieces of this uncertain puzzle together immediately and focused on attempting to let it all go for the rest of the night so that she’d be in a better place to deal with it tomorrow. Since there really was nothing she could talk about in her logs right now that wouldn’t either get her focused on one of her many king-sized problems, or possibly tip someone off if they were accessed once Voyager returned, Janeway snatched up her workstation, selected the manual input interface and typed the peculiarly timed, as far as discovery went, poem that she’d seemed destined to find at this time, relying on her well tuned photographic memory to recall the words precisely. Considering she knew she’d never forget this day, or the date, she believed that if fifty years down the road she accessed this particular log, she’d be able to recall exactly how she felt, and the position she was in, on the end of this most enlightening day, just by reading the following verses:

 

   

 

 

Stardate: 50414.1      Subject: Foxfire Burns Unconquerable

 

Invictus
by William Earnest Henley

Out of the night that covers me
Black as the Pit from pole to pole
I thank whatever gods maybe
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how straight the gate
How charged with punishment the scroll
I am the Master of my fate
I am the Captain of my soul.

“There,” Janeway said aloud, “I think that about says it all,” as she looked at her finished product, then closing up the log, logging off and setting the laptop on her coffee table. Bringing her legs back up to the couch and pushing her pillow forward until she was laying down on her side, resting her elbow, which propped up her head on the soft, white cushion, Kathryn dragged the book to her side and then opened the cover. As she turned to the first page, she looked up for a minute, letting her eyes sweep across her office as the seemingly sudden quiet of her mind and the space around her surprised her. Then looking back to the book, Kathryn cleared her tired throat and requested, “Computer, play musical selection: Janeway, Spring Rain…volume two and enable continuous play.”

As the very soft sounds of a steady rainfall began to sound, Kathryn smiled a small amount and closed her eyes for a moment when the distant sound of thunder was heard. Then opening her eyes again and taking a deep breath as she did so, Voyager’s redheaded matriarch refocused her eyes on the standardized font, snuggled a little down into the cushion and began to read the poignant tale of a rebellious, passionate, unapologetic and diverse girl gang whose singular loyalty was to themselves... to FOXFIRE.

“FOXFIRE never surrenders... FOXFIRE is my heart FOXFIRE burns and burns... forever.”


 :

Epilogue:

Quietly, as she’d always managed to be whenever she was taking a few moments to look in upon those she loved and believed owed it to them to do so…although it certainly didn’t feel like obligation since no matter how many times she did this, she enjoyed it, the entity that was formerly known as Kes allowed herself to take a somewhat solid shape. Looking just as she did the day she left Voyager, except she was ghost-like in her translucence, the Ocampa female half-walked and half-floated to where Captain Kathryn Janeway lay asleep on her Ready Room couch once she was certain the sometimes fitful sleeper of a commanding officer wouldn’t suddenly wake up, sensing her presence as she sometimes did, and see her.

Kes looked in on everyone she was friends with on Voyager, which was just about everyone she came in contact with, and even some she didn’t know but was curious about, like Seven of Nine, but not only did she look in on Janeway the most, she rarely indulged herself and took a physical form. Not only did it require a significant amount of concentration skills, but since she rarely did it, she wasn’t as graceful as she used to be when moving about, and she was worried one day in her own playtime, she’d knock something over in her newfound clumsiness and scare the life out of someone.

There was a definite part of the Ocampa that wished to just show herself, but there were reasons why she did not. One, she didn’t want to frighten anyone, and even though she believed people would relax when they realized it was her, she also knew these insatiable explores too well to believe that they would simply take her word for it, and they’d run around trying to scan her and explain exactly how it was that she was present. Kes certainly wouldn’t blame them, but she knew they had enough on their hands right now that such an indulgence on her part would be entirely too selfish. Two, since she couldn’t be with them all the time, and knew that although they missed her, some definitely more than others, no one seemed to be suffering…and she knew that those that loved her, believed in their own way that she was still with them.

The closest she’d ever come to showing herself had been just yesterday when Kathryn Janeway had been speaking to ‘her’ in the Airponics Bays, which was still one of Kes’ favorite places, despite the fact that she typically existed on a completely new plane of consciousness where there were things to be experienced by every sense imaginable that the beings on this ship couldn’t possible comprehend. However, the Doctor’s unexpected hail had stopped her from doing so, and now she was glad she hadn’t since from what she’d seen Janeway go through tonight, she knew the last thing the poor woman needed was to have to deal with the implications of her, Kes’, return. Although, it wasn’t like she’d every really left... she just wasn’t around everyday, and not in the same way.

She knew that one of these days she’d find the right time to pop in for a visit and let Janeway and company know that yes, she was still with them and no, she could never forget what they’d done for her and her people. But, that time wasn’t tonight, so she was being silent and very attentive to her movements…even if she’d been a little devious and given the captain something to distract herself with by bringing Roxanne’s book to her office for her…certain Janeway wouldn’t think anything of it and assume she’d forgotten since Kes often did little things like that give herself a little chuckle and the captain something to smile about.

Sometimes, and most often, she used her tremendous telepathic abilities to drop little hints to her to draw her attention toward something nice and away from something bothersome, but sometimes she left little ‘gifts’ for Janeway, and others, to find. Besides Neelix, who found almost every little thing wonderful…like a well-placed spice to add to his every changing leola root stew, Janeway was the next easiest to please. Typically Kes simply refilled Kathryn’s coffee for her, or when she wasn’t looking, she pushed it closer to her reach so she didn’t have to take her eyes off her work to locate it. Every once in a while she’d be at the right place at the right time and was able to keep a cup from falling to the floor or into the redhead’s lap by gently keeping it steady as it teetered and then moving it just a touch until it was resting safely on a solid surface. Although, she never did that anymore since one time when she was in Janeway’s Ready Room with her, simply whispering to the redhead about all the wonderful things she seen recently on her last visit to the Ocampan homeworld—which Kathryn couldn’t hear consciously, but could subconsciously, which managed to lift her spirits, even if she didn’t know why she suddenly felt decidedly cheerful—the captain had knocked her coffee into her lap before Kes could stop it. And that time, instead of cursing her negligence, the captain had just sighed, then laughed and said, quiet and smiling softly, shaking her head, “I wonder what she’s doing now?” Since Kes had been able to sense Kathryn’s thoughts clearly, she discovered that when Janeway spilled coffee, she was sometimes reminded of a woman whose memory left the redhead pleased and content, so she stopped trying to stop the accidents and just let Janeway have her nice trips down memory lane. It wasn’t that Janeway was clumsy, really, just entirely too busy for her own good, so she was more prone to turning around quickly and starting on some task, and forgetting she’d set her mug near the edge of the desk where it was in danger of getting in the captain’s way.

Every once in a very great while, she amused herself with Neelix, Janeway, and the Doctor by moving things about so she could giggle and watch them look for whatever non-critical item they were trying to locate, since they all talked to themselves consistently. In truth, although she loved to listen to Neelix call each of his belongings Mister and Mrs while he called out to them and tried to stimulate his brain to recall where he’d left them, and she enjoyed the Doctor’s humming and his quietly sang operas, she truly got tickled when Kathryn grumbled and cursed under her breath when such little things didn’t go her way, and truly marveled at her ability to take in stride much larger issues…especially when so many people depended on her each and every day. Kes understood that this evening’s flurry of emotion and activity had been a much more personal case, where Janeway had been trying to wear what seemed like a dozen different hats. So even though she was concerned about the woman, she wasn’t at all worried she wouldn’t find her way and continue to be a great captain.

One thing she didn’t do was interfere with the functioning of the ship or the events that happened around them. Not only did she know that was terribly unwise, but she knew that Janeway would continue to be successful in her mission…and she certainly didn’t want to take anything away from each of her victories by assisting her when she’d never been asked for help. She knew that one of these days they’d get home on their own two feet, so she never felt such assistance was necessary.

After standing over Janeway for a few moments, noticing that she looked terribly unsettled, even in her sleep, the creases on her forehead and mouth clearly visible as well was her tense form, Kes very carefully moved the open book to the floor and then sat down in the free space. When Janeway stirred slightly and mumbled something incomprehensible, Kes immediately began to dematerialize, but when Kathryn turned on her back and drew her arm up over her eyes, never really coming out of her slumber, Kes stilled her own movement and returned to her previous semi-solid state.

The Ocampa watched her for a few more minutes, smiling softly even though she felt terribly sad for the redhead because she knew that if there was anyone that could pull through this and come out shining like a brilliant stellar phenomenon it was this woman. However, in order to do that, Kes knew she needed a peaceful night’s rest and to greet the new day with a feeling of purpose rather than burden. And since it didn’t look like that was going to be easily accomplished without a little harmless assistance—Kes certainly didn’t think less of Janeway’s ability to completely relax and take care of herself since the fact that she cared so much about everything, considered consequences that most people never though of, and took all of the responsibility upon herself made her who she was…and that woman was the woman who’d risked and given up so much to save a group of people she didn’t even know—the petite blonde leaned in closer to the captain, closed her eyes and whispered to her in her, Janeway’s, head, hoping to prompt pleasant dreams and the deep sleep that came with them, “Your father forgives you, Kathryn…he’s very proud of his little girl…and he loves her a little more every day.”

When Janeway moved some and exhaled softly ten minutes later, the hand covering her face falling away to reveal a slightly less worn expression, Kes smiled and added before she disappeared, “Thank you for the visit yesterday…I miss you too…and I’ll come see you again soon.”

As Kes disintegrated, Kathryn Janeway’s blue-grey eyes fluttered open as she whispered, drowsy and coarse, “Kes?” Then squinting some at the bright light, Janeway glanced around the room, confused as to what had woken her from her fleeting dream of her absent Ocampan friend when the steady sound of a rolling thunder echoed in her otherwise quiet office. Rubbing her eyes and laying back down, this time on her side, Kathryn said as she pulled her pillow close to her head and closed her eyes, “Computer, end music and lower lights to minimum.” Opening her eyes again for a brief moment to look around again since her dream had been so real that she’d actually thought for a brief moment she’d heard Kes speaking to her, Kathryn smiled as she thought about the blonde while she also recalled a marvelous dream of her father, which left her feeling very much at peace with his memory at this moment…and this time, the peace didn’t vanish, even when she recalled why she hadn’t been at peace before. The captain wrapped that sensation around herself like a blanket, hoping to cling to it for as long as humanly possible, as she curled up and whispered before she went back to sleep, “I’ll figure it out tomorrow, Daddy…you’ll see.”

 

fin