Though I Walked Through the Valley...
Part II
 

"Are you trying to tell me," Chief Engineer B'Elanna Torres started, pretty much flabbergasted, "that you have no idea what is causing this!"

Honestly, Torres had been certain Voyager's partially cybernetic Astrometrics officer would have been able to precisely dictate to her the cause of their recent sensor relay problems since there was usually not much the ex-drone couldn't do once she put her mind and enhanced systems to the task. B'Elanna was really having a hard time trying to remember the last time Seven couldn't figure something out…something technology centered, that is.

Remaining calm since she understood the brunette's frustration, having more than a little bit of it herself, Seven of Nine, Tertiary Adjunct to Unimatrix 01, formerly of the Borg Collective returned, "No. I can tell you that the 'command' was generated from or near the central distribution center on this deck, but I cannot tell you how or why at this time." Before Torres started ripping apart the Biometrics lab that she had just finished putting back together completely, going the extra length to test and retest all the equipment, even the components that she had just replaced for fear the recent relay problems had damaged a sensor node or relay channel without their knowing and would malfunction once they brought this section of the starship that was their home back online, the tall blonde added, still wearing her brownish, meshed biosuit since she had spent the evening in Torres' quarters and not her 'home' with Captain Janeway, "We should now focus our efforts at the distribution center and the specific components that control this particular circuit. Since there have been no other malfunctions on this deck except those we witnessed, it is logical to assume the cause lies within those devices."

Holding up one of her hands, calming down for the moment, Torres said, "Okay, I'll admit that this isn't my specialty," she said a little harsher than she wished, but couldn't help it since admitting that she wasn't an expert at everything about this ship wasn't very honorable, in her mind, "but this doesn't make any sense to me, dollface," she used her favorite nickname for the beautiful Borg since she had sent Harry Kim back to the Bridge while she did maintenance and waited for Seven to finish analyzing the corrupted encoded data. "We generated that packed of information…it didn't come from the distribution center…"

Nodding, understanding the confusion, but instead of sighing in frustration for the inefficiencies of verbal communication rather than using a neural transceiver as she had as a Borg when she was connected to the Hive mind, Seven explained, "That is correct, however," she turned to the side and walked over to the main wall where a schematic of this section's network infrastructure was displayed for their purposes, "the sensor nodes we passed the data through do not function 'by themselves.' They require commands from the central computer and that data is routed through the distribution center on this deck and then to the sensor nodes. It also passes through our security systems automatically." When Torres came over to her and started biting her nails, obviously thinking this through and probably worrying about all sorts of worst case scenarios, Seven added, "I should have been more precise. The 'command' affected the data at or near the sensor node, but was only transferred at that point, and originated from the distribution center for this specific circuit." Once Torres sighed and then nodded as she looked up at the schematic, Seven finished, "It is the only logical explanation. If the entire distribution center was malfunctioning, then we would have seen similar problems in the holodeck, and possibly other decks as it passed data to and from other circuits."

"Okay, okay," Torres nodded and thinking out loud, "I see your point." Then scratching her head, her frustration began to return as she asked no one in particular, "But what the hell is causing this…I mean, really…this is weird, Seven?" Looking over at her as Seven nodded her agreement, she asked, "Do you have any ideas?"

Seven took a moment to pause, not really in the habit of speculating about technical matters. She'd learn to do so with the reasons individuals acted as they did, but only after intense study and research to back up her theories. Then placing her hands behind her back, she asked, "I have nothing definitive…has any maintenance been done on the distribution center as of late?"

Sighing because she didn't know an answer she knew she should know since she was the lead engineer, but her stint on the Alaxiat three weeks ago, and her distraction with the Day of Honor during this last week had forced the detailed and tedious woman, at least when it came to her job, to delegate responsibilities she usually took on herself. She knew that even still, she should know the answer because all reports had to pass by her desk before they went on to the captain, but she hadn't taken the time to look over anything that wasn't critical lately. Finally, she admitted, "I don't know…it's possible, but I don't remember hearing anything." Then pushing that off before it got the better of her temper, which could flare even harsher at her own 'laziness,' as she saw it, she said, "Well, there's one way to find out…we can check the maintenance log in there."

After Seven nodded and they started out of the room, moving down the hall fairly quickly, although Torres resisted the urge to up the pace to a steady trot since she had no idea where the captain was and knew from what Janeway had said that she'd 'be around,' and B'Elanna figured that if she did push her luck and run, she'd end up being stared down a second time in as many days by the dynamic redhead, the chief asked, "So, what else were you thinking?" When she saw Seven scrunch her brow some in confusion, Torres smiled a little, endeared, patted her shoulder and offered, "Don't worry about being right…just throw something out there…makes for interesting conversation…we've got to go all the way to the end of this barge."

"Very well," Seven started, "I had the thought that perhaps if repairs were made, someone possibly could have used components from those we acquired on the away mission." When Torres didn't tell her she was reaching or to stop speculating, the Borg went on quickly, "All of them were of alien construction, and even though we believed they would 'fit' our requirements, perhaps that is the cause?"

"Hey," Torres came back, raising her eyebrows, "I didn't even think about that…you know, you're right…that certainly makes more sense than the distribution center suddenly going ape-shit on its own after all this time." Patting Seven's arm again, she offered, "Good one…I like it…although, if that is the case, the captain's not going to like that...at all. We have a sh…" she amended quick since they were in the hallway, "...boat load of parts we picked up from that joint. I'm not sure she'll let us use them if this turns out to be the right…considering all the components we've have to replace just to figure this out…seems kind of counter productive."

"That's correct," Seven came back as they turned to the right and started down a fairly short hallway where there was a Jefferies Tube hatch at the end, which would take them to the distribution center for this deck, that was technically located between Decks Six and Seven. "However, I'm aware that several other systems have been modified with the alien components and have not incurred any problems, so perhaps she will not see it as a complete lose." Reaching the hatch, she opened the door and informed, "The upgrade I made to the imagizer in Astrometrics is functioning effectively and has increased the quality our resolution by eighty-two point zero six percent…however, I believe I'm the only one who can tell the difference, but it is functioning, nonetheless, and will assist us if we are ever required to examine specific images in great detail to extrapolate needed data." As Torres crawled ahead of her, Seven of Nine smiled slightly and informed, "B'Elanna Torres, I'm enjoying our attempt at 'small-talk.' What are your theories?"

Smiling, always finding Seven cutest when as was trying something new since she usually approached it in a manner that could be read, 'I am Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile,' and B'Elanna always admired the courage and determination it took to jump in with both feet and conquer, Torres answered, "Well, I think you're idea is the best…but there's always sabotage. Although that doesn't really make sense…and we haven't had a problem with that since Queen Wack-job a.k.a. Seska, flew the coup. Plus, if this was someone's way of getting back at someone…it's a pretty lame attempt at revenge. I can think of at least twenty other ways to fuck someone over that are better than this…the first one being walking up to them and kicking their ass." Reaching the end of the tunnel, Torres hopped down and said, "And by the way, I don't think this is sabotage, and just a little friendly advice since you're new to this…that should always be last case scenario when you're talking seriously…especially when you're talking to the captain." Smiling a little crookedly as Seven emerge from the tunnel and stood upright, "She gets really cranky whenever it's brought up."

"That's correct, " Seven nodded and proceeded into the distribution center when the small door was open by B'Elanna. "She trusts this Collective implicitly and does not believe any member would ever betray her," cocking her eyebrow, she finished, "especially those that have informed her they would directly."

Torres chuckled softly, knowing who they was and said, patting Seven's nicely packaged rump as she inched past in the cramped room that was filled with several large sensor nodes that sprouted out of the actual distribution processing unit, all the them attached to the various, massive circuits that contained anywhere from ten to one hundred individual relay channels, with the highest quality, fiber-optic tubing, that finally connected to more sensor nodes that were housed in the wall and worked as a bridge for the data to run behind the walls and under the floors to its destination at one of a thousand consoles, "You always did know how to push Red's buttons, right from the get go. I think it was love at first sight with her…she was just too stubborn to admit it. I never did understand why she cared so much." Then looking quickly to Seven, she said, "Don't take that the wrong way, bang…I'm glad she did, but let's face it dollface, you weren't much of a picnic when you first came here." Finishing, she smiled her crazy grin and said, "Not like I was either…just as Carey...and Chakotay...and Nicoletti..."

Not taking offense, and continuing to find this inefficient banter--the Borg was very much aware of the problems B'Elanna Torres caused when she first became a member of Janeway's crew through conversation with the brunette--acceptable and intriguing, Seven of Nine followed Torres to the side console and replied, "I didn't understand either, which was part of my resistance…and still to this day I do n," she caught herself quickly and moved on, "don't understand entirely." Smirking slightly, she said, "Perhaps it was 'love at first sight?'" thinking that she rather liked the thought that Kathryn had fallen in love with her immediately, and that was the reason she fought so hard to keep Seven from returning to the Collective, even if she was not aware that was her motivation.

"See, you're getting the hang of it already, " Torres offered as she brought up the maintenance log and starting scanning through it. "Pretty soon you'll be talkin' trash with me and Nick like a pro…hey…wait a minute," she said as she noticed something of importance. Bringing up a more detailed report of the selection that had caught her eye, she informed as she accessed the data, "A problem on that specific circuit was reported three weeks ago…so, I was on the Alaxiat then….looks like Biometrics again…hmm." After she read the short report, she turned around and said, "Well, they had some sensor relay problems…although nothing major and the problem was tracked down to a faulty sensor grid on the main console, and," she frowned some as she leaned back and crossed her arms over her chest, "it was out and out replaced, and there haven't been anymore problems since now…nothing."

When Seven sighed as well, Torres turned to look at the distribution center and started, "There's got to be something…something we're missing…something that's making this happen. Maybe we should run a diagnostic on the processor? I know that doesn't seem quite right since we haven't seen any problems on the other circuit…but it's the only thing I can think of…maybe it was just dumb luck that it kept happening on the same circuit?"

Seven was about to rattle off the probability of that happening, but then decided to refrain and nodded instead, "I believe that's the most prudent course of action at this time. Even though such an event is unlikely, it is not impossible and my suggestion would undoubtedly be considered drastic…by Kathryn."

"Well, not that I don't like to get messy," Torres returned, "but, let's start with the easiest first and work our way up." Stepping up to Seven, she stole a kiss quickly and then said as she moved her way over toward the console for the distribution processor, "I don't want to push any of Red's buttons today if I can help it…it's much too nice to see her smile…I don't wanna fuck that up."

"Unidentified?" Torres repeated as Seven of Nine reported a strange reading from the intensive series of diagnostics that they were running which caused them to have to shutdown the holodeck for about an hour until they could finish for fear that their fiddling and poking around in the systems would somehow cause the safety protocols to become compromised…and Torres knew, even though she wasn't an expert on the captain, that would definitely irritate her if someone was injured because they hadn't taken all the precautions possible. However, that wasn't an inconvenience to anyone right now because no one was using the holodeck currently, and Torres figured that was because it was now widely known across the ship that Deck Seven's systems were encountering some severe malfunctions and it usually was a good idea to stay out of the holodeck whenever any technical problems were occurring, even if they hadn't compromised the systems…it was better to just be safe than sorry.

"Yes," Seven came back, furrowing her brow somewhat as she paused the diagnostic process so they could concentrate on this development. "There is an unidentified component being detected, and the computer cannot accurately inform us if it is functioning acceptably."

Torres certainly didn't think the precision driven Borg was misreading the information, but that really made no sense since this was a Starfleet vessel, and even though there had been some enhancements made using Borg components, they certainly weren't unfamiliar to the computer, thus she said as she slid up next to her to examine the readout herself, "Well, that's not right…what test was it running?"

Back tracking quickly through the information available to them, Seven stated, "It was attempting to test the encryption filtering alert system." After a beat, she raised her eyebrows and stated, "I am aware there are several components that compose this security system, so I cannot be certain as to which is unidentified unless we run a specific diagnostic of that system." Before Torres said anything, she added, "I am familiar with this system and although I am not certain how…data replication could occur here since all the data is stopped for a brief instant before it is allowed to continue through the relay network while it is examined for signs of attempts to bypass the security protocols." Looking away for a moment as she tended to do whenever she was contemplating something, Seven sighed slightly and then went on, "I am …surprised that I had not thought of this. This is the only point at which data is processed beyond the distribution center and it occurs shortly after it leaves the central node…however, there is only one security filter per distribution center. Once the data passes through it, it is then 'funneled' onto the various circuits and then individual relays…so it still seems unlikely this device would be the 'culprit.'"

"Well, yea…but let's forget that for a minute," the chief acknowledged, "and just focus on this specific issue. Do you think one of the Borg components from the upgrades is the unidentified one?"

"It is a possibility, however…again, it is unlikely since we have never seen this before," Seven replied. Turning and looking over at the specific security node, Seven went on, "We should remove this and examine it by hand. I can detect any 'alien' components immediately…it will not take long."

"Mmm," Torres started, unsure, "let's run a diagnostic of it first, Seven…this wouldn't be the first time the computer's given us false information during a diagnostic." Going back over to the console, she started to work it as she explained, "Let's run it again, and if it still says unidentified, then we'll tear it apart…deal?" B'Elanna knew that she didn't have to make deals with Seven and that when she told her to do something it was technically considered an order, but when they were alone and working as they currently were, she didn't think of Seven as a subordinate…she thought of her as her partner, and since she knew Seven didn't always respond well to authority figures, which Torres understood completely, having a pretty big problem with that herself not so long ago, and still even sometimes currently, she thought it best to just keep the mood light and friendly.

"'Deal,'" Seven of Nine came back and took her place next to B'Elanna. "Continuing with that train of thought, we cannot rule out the possibility that this entire diagnostic is flawed because it is utilizing this distribution center to route the data to this console."

Snickering, Torres allowed, "Kahless…just don't become a Dooms Day prophet now…alright?" When Seven of Nine cocked her eyebrow at that, the look a mixture of humor and slight unknowing, B'Elanna rallied as she explained, "Red would kick my butt for sure for teaching you to imagine the worst case scenario all the time...I'm talking serious ass whooping." When Seven expelled a small amount of air in humor, understanding completely now the term, B'Elanna laughed as well, and then reported, "Okay, it's running."

The tall blonde placed her hands behind her back and felt the need to say, "B'Elanna Torres, I'm enjoying myself despite the fact that we have still yet to discover the source of this problem. As you know, I often prefer to work unassisted, however, I am certain I would not be having 'fun' if you were not present."

"Thanks, Seven," Torres replied, her tone changing to a deep sincerity as she turned toward her. "I mean it…that means a lot to me." Smiling, she allowed, "I'm having fun too…seems like it's been a while since we've worked and had fun. Although," she smirked wickedly, her need to stay away from serious conversation returning unbidden, "I don't think anything will ever beat Burnhouse…now that was serious fun…except you getting shot, of course." After a short pause as she took a seat on the ground and rested while the computer continued to run its diagnostic of the security system, she allowed as Seven sat down next to her, agreeing that she would have preferred to have not been wounded either, "I still can't believe you nailed Red in the shuttle, though." Elbowing her, she added, "That took serious guts."

Understanding that B'Elanna was 'trash talking' again, and starting to catch onto the idea, Seven of Nine smirked and replied, figuring out what 'nailed' meant easily, since the smirk on her face usually occurred when Torres was mentioning sexual behavior, or irresponsibility, "I can't take all of the 'credit.' Although I was the first to embrace her in a sexual manner, I wasn't expecting her to demand that I escalate the encounter. It was of her instigation."

Torres held up her finger and went on with the lesson, "First rule of trash talk…never admit to anything…especially if it that takes away from your status." When Seven nodded, B'Elanna went on, "So, if I had nailed Red in the shuttle that night, and you asked for details…I'd just say…well dollface, you know how it is. We were alone, we were close, it was quiet…I flirted…she smiled…half an hour later I was washing my hands." Winking as Seven actually laughed out loud, just once, although the event didn't catch her by surprise as much, and rolled her eyes, Torres elbowed her again as the diagnostic finished, and asked, "See how that works…no one ever knows, but you still sound like you're hot shit." Standing up and holding out her hand, she said, "And don't you dare tell Red I said you nailed her. I don't think she'd like that…even if you did nail'er. It's just not very dignified."

Seven of Nine rolled her eyes again as Torres went over to the console and started bringing up the data, "I believe you are underestimating Kathryn."

Chuckling, Torres came back, leaving the data for a quick minute to finish the conversation, turning toward Seven, "Hey, I'll admit that she surprises the hell out of me all the time, but don't come crying to me if you tell her that you nailed her in the shuttle and she kicks your skinny ass out of bed."

Thinking about that for a moment, Seven replied, "Perhaps you're correct…this time."

"Trust me…I know about these things, " B'Elanna responded as she returned to the data. Then sighing, she said, tapping her finger on the display, "Well, it's still unidentified." Pointing her finger at Seven of Nine who didn't look surprised, she informed, "Alright, dollface…rip it out and let's have a look at it."

"What's that?" B'Elanna Torres queried as Seven of Nine produced the component that the computer couldn't identify.

Holding the fairly small circular object in her enhanced hand, Seven examined it quickly, increasing the resolution on her optical implant to get a better look and then reported, "It appears to be an optical sensor…however, it is damaged…to say the least." Honing in with maximum resolution, the blonde raised her eyebrows and then reported, changing her eyesight back to normal before she looked up, "I cannot say at this time what damaged this, but there is a fissure in the crystal." After handing it to Torres, who was holding it up to the light to have a look at it, futilely trying to see what Seven could see, the Borg informed, "This could cause the data replication. The photons passing through this sensor, if impacted with the crystal at the right angle could be split in two at the speed in which they travel through these relay systems. It would not be difficult to reproduce."

Torres turned around and said, "Okay, I agree with you there, but," she placed her hands on her hips, "this still doesn't make any sense. I understand why we saw this hit and miss…but how did this change the data? The photons we captured were replicating on their own, and the commands for the sensor nodes we used don't pass through this…or do they?" Shrugging she said, "I don't know…I don't work in Operations."

"All data passes through this system," Seven of Nine explained, working the problem out in her head as she spoke. "I believe part of what Ensign Kim said before about a 'side-effect' of bio-neural technology is partially correct now…and," she sighed slightly, "combined with the Borg enhancements we made, which are by 'nature' adaptive…this system is adapting to this imperfection."

Snapping her fingers, Torres jumped in, excited, "That's right. This is a learning computer, enhanced with Borg technology that adapts better than anything…on its own it does that. So, when this got damaged and data started passing through it, the security system adapted for the change…" then hitting a brick wall, she asked, "but why would it adapt by replicating data?"

Seven went over to the maintenance log console and said, accessing the information and scanning through it quickly, "In the last year, there have been fourteen separate occurrences of problems with the relay system in Biometrics. I do not believe this has occurred 'overnight.' I am merely speculating, however," she turned back toward B'Elanna and rested her hands at the small of her back which was habit whenever she was stating facts, "if over time, this problem was not remedied, the computer would begin to 'adapt' so that such an event would become a 'normal' occurrence and the data transfer could continue as requested. I believe that is what is occurring with this security 'check-point.' It is changing the data, which only this system can, unassisted, due to the Borg enhancements, and commanding it to replicate when it passes through this sensor unharmed. If the data passes through and is replicated by the imperfection, nothing is done. This explains why this problem is 'hit and miss.' The data that passes through the fissure is replicated only once and such an event would not cause serious malfunctions and more than likely go unnoticed often. If it was noticed, it is very possible it would seem as though a sensor board was malfunctioning because duplicate data would be passed through, and the computer would be forced to compensate. This could also explain the delays we have witnessed."

Picking it back up again, Torres nodded as she walked over to her and offered, "That's right…it would be natural to think that it was just a sensor grid out of alignment or something like that…and," she added, biting her nails for a minute as she chewed on the problem, "it's possible this is just getting worse because the computer is starting to adapt more…and maybe the crack in the crystal got worse?" Looking at it in her hand, she said, "It looks pretty beat up to me. I can't see the fissure, but this looks like shit...I barely recognize it."

"That is correct," Seven of Nine said, taking the crystal from her. "It's degrading as the imperfection weakens the crystal and the photonic bombardment over time would continue to compromise its structure."

"Okay, so how do we fix it?" Torres asked the question she had to know and was sort of afraid of the answer. "Will just replacing that crystal do it…or is the computer going to keep trying to duplicate everything?"

"If our hypothesis is correct," Seven started, although confident that it was since they had checked everything else and found not one single shred of evidence that suggested this was coming from anything outside of this room, "then the Security subroutines for this distribution center will have to be reprogrammed, and the entire system after that should be analyzed for signs of this corruption. I cannot give you an accurate estimate, but I would assume this situation has been occurring for sometime, and the adaptation process is accelerating…most likely due to the degradation of this optical sensor. In this condition, it is likely that a majority of the data over the recent weeks passing through was replicated, which would explain the need for the computer to adapt quicker. If a majority of the data was replicated consistently, then when some of it passed through without encountering the fissure, the computer would have compensated by reprogramming it to replicate, and it continued to do so on its own after that because it replicated with the command to do so embedded within it."

"It was born pregnant," Torres mumbled nodding her head. "Okay, so, we'll replace the optical sensor today and clean up the Security sub-routines…that shouldn't take long. We can just use the sub-routines of a Security system on another deck and make any necessary changes specific to this check-point." Placing her hands on her hips, the chief continued as she paced around the small room, "We'll have to run some tests on it before I feel comfortable letting people back into Biometrics." Sighing, she questioned as she turned back around to Seven, "Is there anything that makes you believe that the other circuit will be compromised?" A little quiet, she said, "I know this sounds selfish, but I can't miss tomorrow…if I have to work all night to get this done, I've got to be able to use the holodeck tomorrow."

The blonde stepped up to B'Elanna and said as she placed her hand on her shoulder, "That isn't selfish, B'Elanna Torres. This is not merely a recreational activity you wish to engage in." Once B'Elanna nodded in agreement, Seven answered the question, "And no, I do not believe the other circuit will be compromised. This distribution center has adapted to replicate the data that passes through this circuit only. It doesn't believe such an event for the other circuit is 'normal' and the computer will logically function in a consistent manner. However, that is of no consequence since we will have this task finished in 'no time.'"

After taking a small break in the chief engineer's office and replicating a new, perfect optical sensor to replace the defective one, Torres, Seven, and Harry Kim as well, since he was the ship's most proficient Operations officer and could offer his opinion and expertise on the relay systems which definitely wasn't Torres' specialty because she was an engineer and didn't constantly work with the networking infrastructure as Kim did, returned to the distribution center for Deck Seven, packing just about every tool that was available to them, determined to fix and test this problem before any of them left the room. Secretly B'Elanna was slightly worried about the time frame, even though it was only 1400 hours, but she tried to just let her unease go since she knew it was being heavily shaded by the fact the last time she tried to engage in the Day of Honor, so many terrible things had happened, and she was starting to wonder if something wasn't trying to keep her from going through with it. When that thought came upon her, she quickly squashed it like an insect, certain it was simply her anxiety trying to play tricks on her mind. She was determined this time to stick it out, ignore any apprehension and walk away an honored Klingon warrior.

While Torres took care of replacing the optical sensor then checking and rechecking the calibration to make certain it was precisely seated correctly so that the data could pass through it unadulterated, Seven of Nine worked on reprogramming the Security sub-routines since she, other than Tuvok, was most familiar with them. Kim's job was to set up their testing environment, so that if the data did continue to replicate, it wouldn't go any farther than the room they were in, since B'Elanna certainly didn't want to have to replace all the equipment she just put back together in Biometrics.

Throughout the work, Torres' thoughts continually found their way back Kathryn Janeway, and more than a few times, she had to keep from excusing herself and tracking the woman down to give her an update. Of course, she knew that wasn't all that out of the ordinary considering they had made some significant finds today, that although unproven as of yet, if proven, could have some serious repercussions for this vessel, considering they would either have to bolster the automatic diagnostics to check for these kinds of problems, start manually checking the optical sensors on all of the decks, which wasn't really practical, or rethink the Borg enhancements that had been made to the Security system. B'Elanna was hoping for the first, since not only did she know the enhancements Seven had made prevented practically any vessel, except Borg, from breaking into their systems without tripping alarms, but she didn't want to have to see the blonde have to undo something she had worked rather hard on…it just seemed unfair to the brunette, and she also didn't want the captain to have to give that order because she knew that although Seven would follow it, she would feel disappointment, which came out clear in her sigh when she informed the engineer that her enhancements were partially to blame for this problem.

The chief had ultimately decided not to go see the captain because she would no doubt ask for an update, and B'Elanna didn't want to give her one until they had run the test because she was confident that this would fix the problem, and she wanted to have some good news to tell her on top of the disturbing news about how this problem had come about. That, notwithstanding, Torres was definitely beginning to miss the woman in a bad way, despite the fact that she'd been working closely with her blonde lover for a day and a half. As Seven of Nine said consistently, Kathryn was unique and could not be replaced, and since B'Elanna had seen her so very little in the last four days, it didn't really matter anymore who she was with, or what she was doing, she simply missed the person she was insanely in love with.

As she reattached the Security node to its docking bay, Torres thought about that for a minute. She guessed that a lot of people probably didn't understand her relationship, or the threesome's relationship for that matter, and she had to admit sometimes when she thought about it, that if she wasn't in it, she'd probably be one of those people, but she was in it, so she understood perfectly, and was supremely relieved that her lovers did as well. They were all just very, very different people, and expressed their love differently, and gave different things to each other as individuals, and as part of the group. From B'Elanna's point of view, she would say easily that she loved them both, and that wasn't a lie…but yes, she loved them differently.

Seven of Nine to her was sometimes somewhat of a mystery, but she believed in it nonetheless…believed in her bond with her with all her heart. Beyond the fact that she was as gorgeous a woman as Torres had ever known, and could make the brunette weak in the knees just by looking at her in the way see did when she was determined, there was something about her struggle to adapt to a group of people, most of whom hadn't care if she lived or died, that really got to Torres and made her respect the woman…respect her a hell of a lot. There was also the fact that she was as brave as they came, could be completely undaunted, and was never afraid to speak her mind and tell you exactly what she thought, which Torres also admired, even though when they first became acquainted, that aspect of them both had caused more than a few arguments. But what really brought them together, other than their love for Kathryn, which was highly influential in this aspect of their life, was the way they stuck together now. In everything they did…there they were. They were like a tag-team. One would take the lead for a while, then the other. If the situation required a more logical, precision and exact understanding, than Seven usually took the lead, but if the situation needed common sense, street smarts, cunning, and a more worldly guidance, then that was Torres' arena. Sometimes the tables got turned, like with understanding why Kathryn Janeway acted the way she did, which B'Elanna fully admitted to rarely understanding, and Seven took the lead in that, and if an engineer's perspective was needed, if innovation and creativity was required, then B'Elanna took that, but always they helped each other, and always they continued to learn from the other.

She was also completely comfortable around Seven of Nine in a way she'd yet to find out how to be with Kathryn, since no matter what, at the end of the day, the redhead was still her commanding officer, and so very far removed from the type of person B'Elanna Torres was. Torres knew in her heart of hearts that she could be herself around Janeway, but that didn't mean it was always easy for her to follow through with that. With Seven, it was easy for Torres, and it wasn't because she wasn't worried about disappointing Seven…it was because she felt it was her responsibility to teach Seven about things that Kathryn Janeway simply couldn't. And furthermore, it wasn't just a job to her, it was an honor and a pleasure. She truly liked Seven…loved having fun with her, loved her innocent and unknowing perspective that was mixed with her astounding intelligence. Torres figured that it was probably a pretty good thing that they were both in love with the captain of this vessel, because she had a feeling if that wasn't the case, they could easily cause more than a few problems with their misfit tendencies…a thought that always fired the rebel in Torres and got her brain working overtime trying to figure out ways for them to cause a fun-loving stir without ending up being stared down by the captain.

That was how B'Elanna Torres loved Seven of Nine…they were partners, companions, comrades through and through and she never doubted that they'd ever stop facing their battles side by side…like true warriors did, because a warrior never let a comrade go into battle alone. And she never doubted that they were continue to grow, all the while having fun and keeping their competitive spirit, and she believe that one day she'd figure out just what it was about the cool Borg that she not only loved, but craved to be close to.

Kathryn Janeway to her was no mystery. Yes, she thought of her as somewhat mysterious, but the reason she loved her with the burning passion that she did was not an enigma. The woman was simply amazing to B'Elanna Torres…everything about her, and in a different way than Seven of Nine, who was a wonder in her own right. Kathryn Janeway was everything that B'Elanna coveted. She was incredibly intelligent, almost surprisingly so considering she was so damned good with people, and most people Torres had met that were on Janeway's intellectual level couldn't hold a 'normal' conversation to save their lives. And not only was she intelligent in academia, but she had an instinctual common sense that was just as laudable. She could move from one conversation to the next without missing a beat, and B'Elanna had yet to see her in a situation where she looked over her head or out of her element, unless she was purposefully trying to fade into the background. Furthermore, she just had the big, fat heart…she really truly did, which most people that weren't extremely close to her had no clue about, and even though it caused her a great deal of pain because she cared so much about everything, B'Elanna never wanted that to change because she knew if Kathryn ever lost her heart, she'd never survive. On top of that, she was just the most gracious, willful, stubborn, dignified, and complex person Torres was sure she'd ever meet, even if she lived a thousands lifetimes. And finally, the part that always made B'Elanna Torres grin softly whenever she thought about it, was that she had never been more physically attracted to another person in her entire life. It was really crazy to B'Elanna sometimes, but she honestly couldn't keep her eyes off of her, and it went way beyond sex. Sometimes she just wanted to look at her, wanted to study her, wanted to understand not only what if felt like to be her, but how she worked. Torres had similar desires for Seven of Nine, and was more than attracted to the tall, shapely blonde, but there was just something inherently unique about Kathryn that she couldn't really pinpoint that drove her mad with desire. "And god, she looks so good all of the time…all of the goddamned time," Torres just wanted to reach out and touch her. She just wanted to hold her slighter, frailer body against her chest in hopes that somehow, someway, she'd one day be able to know what it was like to be the person that wrecked her. That was how B'Elanna Torres loved Kathryn Janeway…she was simply in love with everything about her, even the parts that made her want to pull her hair out in frustration…and thus, she missed her often, even if she felt like a less than worthy, bumbling fool around her sometimes. They were lovers...through and through.

When she heard Seven of Nine calling out to her, Torres turned her head around and said, distracted as she had slipped into her own mind and got caught up in her love-affair with their commanding officer, "Huh?" Then shaking her head, she said, "Sorry, Seven…I had my head in the clouds again…what did you say?"

Smirking, wondering if B'Elanna had been thinking about Kathryn since she had recognized the slight grin on her face as she stared at the device in her hands, although was clearly not looking at it, but beyond it into her mind, and knew that there was only one person that produced such a look on the Klingon's face consistently, Seven of Nine repeated, "I have completed reprogramming the Security sub-routines and Ensign Kim is finished constructing the test environment…are you ready to begin?"

Nodding, Torres finished replacing the sensor node, and locking it down, she answered, "Yep, just one more minute."

With a fairly grand smile on her often downward turned face, at least that's how it had been in the past up until three months ago, Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres trotted into the Shuttle Bay, moving at just a light jog, knowing the easy, relaxed movement wouldn't be frowned upon by her commanding officer since she wasn't moving faster than Seven of Nine did just by walking quickly. B'Elanna's body wasn't inherently stiff like the Borg's, so for her to move at a steady pace, she felt the need to bend and flex her joints, and bounce slightly on her heels…it was simply more natural a movement for someone who was used to crawling around Jefferies Tubes, climbing ladders, peering underneath consoles, and fighting bare-handed by using her whole body. Focusing her vision to the left of the sizeable Shuttle Bay where the construction of the new, Elite Force shuttle was underway, B'Elanna slowed her jog to a silent stroll when she spotted her target.

The captain, sans her tunic, which was folded neatly under her small bottom, being used as a cushion, was seated on top of the shuttle whose outer hull was almost completely finished now. From her view point, she couldn't tell what Janeway was up to, but considering there wasn't supposed to be much up there except for a communications array and emergency solar panels, she figured the older female was working on installing the light sensitive panels instead of the array since there wasn't enough infrastructure complete on the shuttle to allow for a test of any kind on the communications network just yet. When her presence continued to go unnoticed by her lover, Torres decided to take advantage and watch her work for a few moments since it was rare that anything went unglimpsed by the redhead.

Moving over to the Delta Flyer and leaning on the side of the somewhat triangular vessel so she wasn't as obvious and hopefully blended in better, B'Elanna gazed up at Kathryn's slight form while the smile on her face morphed into her famous 'crazy grin.' Normally the chief wouldn't oogle the captain so openly, but everyone else that was with them in the Shuttle Bay was currently working inside of the new construct, so she didn't have to worry about being caught…well, by anyone other than Janeway, but she seemed to be focused on whatever it was that she was doing, and had still yet to look away from her work for even a second.

For several minutes B'Elanna just watched Kathryn silently work. She watched the small bones, that were finely shielded and etched with tendons and lightly freckled, pale skin, in her wrists and hands move and turn gracefully as she secured one of the dark solar panels, then wipe it free of fingerprints and other smudges with a special cloth that wouldn't scratch the sensitive screens before she had a chance to add the final, thin protective layer that would secure the entire solar construct and keep it free from relative damage. She watched how her chest rose and fell in a slow, steady beat that was so meek, B'Elanna was certain if she wasn't trying to see the change, she'd miss it completely. She smiled more when she saw the captain's lips move just slightly and knew that she was mumbling something to herself, wishing to know what it was she was saying, or even better yet, what she was thinking, but happy for now just to observe. After that, she watched her snatch up her tricorder after tucking the left side of her hair behind her ear, and scan the product of her labor to make certain she'd done everything correctly, which the engineer was certain she had...she'd never known the captain to make mistakes of that kind, and rarely of any kind.

When Janeway snapped closed the device and looked up as if she was momentarily distracted, B'Elanna grew inhumanly still for fear that if she moved a muscle, she'd be seen, since even though she was off to the captain's left, she was still in clear view, but figured that since she wasn't moving and was only in her peripheral vision currently, she hadn't been noticed. Once Kathryn looked back down, rubbed the back of her neck slightly, closing her eyes and rolling her head around just a touch to work out a kink, and then picked up another solar panel, Torres smiled widened a little impishly as she reached up, tapped her communicator and hailed softly, praying her voice wouldn't carry and ruin the moment, but not thinking it would since there was quite a bit of racket coming from inside the shuttle, "Torres to Janeway."

When Kathryn set down the panel immediately, although with care, smiled just slightly as she tapped her communicator and responded, but continued to look down at her hands picking at her nails, instead of looking up toward the ceiling, which was the norm, that telling the engineer her girlfriend was thinking about her in a personal, rather than professional manner, Torres asked plainly, still speaking soft, "Do you have any idea how beautiful you are right now?" As Kathryn faltered, then looked up, B'Elanna informed, "To your left, cowgirl."

When the redhead turned her head to face her, their eyes locked instantly, and for only a split-second, but what felt like almost half an eternity, there was nothing in the universe except the two of them and their fiery, cosmic love.

B'Elanna turned up one corner of her cheek when Kathryn raised her knee so she could rest her elbow on it while she cradled the side of her face and smiled at her engineer with an expression that was equal mixture of appreciation for the thoughtful attempt to have a special, private moment, modesty for the comment, and amazement for the fact that B'Elanna actually, truly was in love with her. Chuckling just once, Torres pushed away from the Flyer and started forward toward the new shuttle, never once taking her eyes off of Kathryn, who then bit her bottom lip lightly as her blue eyes twinkled in delight, and turned completely to face B'Elanna. When she stopped next to the shuttle and looked up at Janeway, the slope of the hull at a gentle angle, which kept the captain in full view, she greeted, quiet, "Hey."

"Hello again, " Kathryn replied in her sultry tones.

Jumping up onto the cargo container, which the captain had used to get up onto the vessel and crawl her way to the top, B'Elanna reminded, "You didn't answer my question." When Janeway sighed and rolled her eyes, glanced down at her hands from a moment as her cheeks flushed into a soft rose, then finally looked back at her with a burning intensity that under other circumstances would have made Torres gulp and say a prayer for herself, but could only make her take deep breath currently, B'Elanna cleared her throat, and said, "I've got some news about the relay problem." Then smirking, she asked immediately, "Mind coming down for a minute to talk…or do you want me to come up there?"

"I'll come down," Janeway reported, still speaking quietly, her voice far removed from her normal tones that were fraught with confidence.

As Janeway climbed to her knees and snatched up her tunic, then sighed, and finally slid down the slope on her bottom while B'Elanna looked on and chuckled slightly, the Klingon waited until Kathryn had made her way to the edge before she offered her assistance, which she was happy the captain was requesting by holding out her hand. Ignoring the hand, Torres clasped onto her waist, picked her up and scouted her off the edge, bringing her to an easy rest, directly in front of her. When Janeway squeezed her biceps gently where she was holding on and whispered, "Thank you, " while their eyes locked again, it took everything B'Elanna had not to pull the redhead into her chest and kiss her passionately out in the open where they could have been seen by several of the captain's officers, but instead, Torres rubbed her thumbs against Janeway's clothed skin at her waist and replied, "Anytime." Then turning quickly, she jumped down from the container, helped Kathryn off in a similar manner, but moved hurriedly out of the embrace for fear she wouldn't be able to resist twice in a row, self-control not one of her strongest suits, and asked, "Wanna take a walk back to my office?"

"Sure," Kathryn came back, slipping on her tunic and zipping up the front. As they started for the exit, she asked, simply "Good or otherwise?" her command voice coming back to her.

"Well," B'Elanna started once they exited and made their way to the closest turbolift, "I was right…we had a doozy, but," she smiled slightly, "we figured it out...well, Seven did most of the figuring out. An optical sensor in the Security node was damaged. There was a crack in the crystal, which would have caused the data passing through it to replicate." When Janeway looked at her confused and seemed as though she was about to say something, B'Elanna nodded and said, "There's more. We've been having problems with Biometrics on an off for a year now…nothing major, but they were all sensor problems." After stepping into the turbolift carriage and asking for Engineering, she went on, "We think the crystal has been damaged for a while and has slowly been degrading. Seven thinks that due to this ship's bio-neural technology and the Borg enhancements she made to the Security systems, the computer began to adapt to the data replication caused by the damaged component, and over time, it started to change the data itself, whenever it managed to pass through the sensor without splitting in two."

As Janeway remained quiet, B'Elanna didn't go on until the doors parted for them, depositing them onto the main deck of Engineer. Moving toward her office, she continued, "The problem with that, other than the obvious, is that…the data didn't replicate until the command to do so was already embedded within it…which caused it to continue to duplicate until it reached critical mass and overloaded our systems. Need a fix?" she questioned when the entered the room.

"Yes, thank you," Janeway replied, ignoring the comment as to her not-so-secret addiction, sitting down on the chair in front of B'Elanna's spotless desk, finding it amusing that someone who was so lax about her personal space, was so tedious about her professional, although glad that she was since she didn't feel it was a good example to set if she wasn't. "So," the captain began, continuing with the thought, "you two think that the increase in the occurrence is because the computer is beginning to adapt to this…phenomenon, and making certain that all data that passes through that optical sensor is replicated?"

Nodding, Torres took the coffee out of the device, not wanting any for herself, and answered after she handed it off to its owner, "Yea…and because the optical sensor was in such bad shape, that probably played a part in the acceleration." Sitting down at her desk, B'Elanna leaned forward on her forearms and added, "I guess we could have seen this problem deck wide, but somehow the computer only adapted to replicating data that was specific to that circuit." Shaking her head as Janeway frowned somewhat before she sipped the beverage, Torres admitted, "I know it sounds crazy, but it worked. We replaced the optical sensor, Seven reprogrammed the sub-routines herself and found the logic which commanded the data to replicate, and then we tested it and retested it…and then tested it again." Sitting back and crossing her arms over her chest, she said, "And, the circuit's back up and running normally. I'd question it too if Seven hadn't found the logic…but I saw it for myself…the computer adapted."

"Oh, I'm sure it did," the captain replied, setting her coffee on the desk. "That presents us with a problem though." When Torres nodded, she asked, "Any idea how to keep this from happening again?"

"Yea," B'Elanna said, leaning forward again, "I'd like to start by trying to beef up our diagnostic systems. They're not designed to test for this kind of problem….and the only thing that tipped us off was when we ran a diagnostic of the distribution center and an unidentified component was found. That turned out to be the mangled sensor…but that's not really practical. If we can set up automatic monitoring systems…then we should be able to catch something like this before it goes on long enough to force the computer to adapt." Scratching her neck slightly with her index finger, she went on, "It's not really practical to add this to our maintenance routine…we're maxed out on that already, and," she sighed, "if we can't get the sensors to pinpoint this kind of thing…well, I guess we'll have to rethink the Borg enhancements since we can't undo the bio-neural infrastructure." When Janeway sighed at that as well, the chief smirked and finished, "But I'm pretty sure we can figure something out without having to do that."

"Any evidence that this…adaptation…has compromised the computer core…or any other systems?"

B'Elanna shook her head slightly while she answered, "Nothing yet, but Seven's checking on that right now…it's going to take some time…she thinks she should be able to finish tomorrow afternoon…but like I said, this didn't happen over night, so if there is some corruption, I don't think we have to worry about it causing any problems in the next day." Sitting back again, she reminded, "Plus, this only affected this one circuit, even though the same node transfers data to the other one…so, I doubt we have anything to worry about."

Picking up her coffee again, the captain took a healthy pull, then said, "Well, it sounds like you've covered all of your basis." After returning the mug to the desk, she included, "Well done, Chief…all things considering, I'd say you made short work of this…uprising." When Torres chuckled slightly at that then nodded, Janeway sighed and added, rubbing her forehead, "I guess we can't really complain…this is the first major problem we've had with our enhanced systems…considering all the good they've done, seems like we'll just have to learn to adapt to ourselves." Standing, Janeway walked over to the side of the desk, hit the sensor on the small panel which shut the door, then asked as she squeezed her way in between Torres and the construct, perching on the edge, "So, does this mean you'll be home at shift-change?"

Torres smiled as she looked up at her lover and replied, "Aye, Captain."

Sitting all the way back on the desk, the captain said, "Must be my lucky day today too, then…I can't remember the last time I had you for a whole evening all to myself." Flirting mildly, she added, "I'm not sure I'll know what to do with all that time…" When Torres smirked, Janeway questioned seriously, no longer flirting, "So, what do you want to do tonight…other than take a bath and talk?"

The chief stood up easily as she placed her hands on Kathryn's lower thighs and then eased them apart so she could step closer to her, not ready to stop flirting, even if she was giving a completely truthful answer. Then moving her palms until they were on the captain's hips while Janeway put her hand flat against her stomach after slipping it underneath her tool jacket, B'Elanna answered, whispering and hovering fairly close to her lips as she looked slightly down at the captain, "I wanna kiss you, Kathryn…and not just kiss you…but kiss you a lot."

"I'd like that," Janeway breathed as her pulse quickened instantly and she moved her hand to the small of B'Elanna's back while her lips remained slightly parted in anticipation. Then bringing her other hand to B'Elanna's forearm, next sliding it up to her biceps and squeezing them gently, their intense firmness always being appreciated by the captain, she queried as she lightly scratched B'Elanna back, "Anything else you want?"

"Mmmhmm," Torres nodded, then added, "I want to make love to you…and not just make love to you…but make love to you a lot." Leaning forward and speaking into Kathryn's ear as the redhead made a small, involuntary sound of pleasure in the back of her throat, Torres continued, still whispering, but running one of her hands languidly up and down Janeway's thigh, "I want you to know how much I love you," kissing her neck just below her ear, "how special you are to me, cowgirl…mmm…I want your body wrapped around me." When Janeway breathed her name and pulled her closer, Torres ran the hand at Kathryn's legs up her chest, then behind her neck, as she informed, "I want to hear you…and see you…and smell you," inhaling deeply, pressing her face into Janeway's hair and growling softly, "and taste you…I wanna feel you, Kathryn. I wanna watch you work like you do. I just want to love you…just you, Red."

Feeling light headed as her body tried to compensate for all the blood rushing to various areas of her anatomy and the heart thumping against her chest, Janeway clasped onto Torres' back as her lover began softly kissing her neck, knowing the brunette was purposefully staying away from her lips since they were both aware if they started kissing now, they'd be lucky if they could stop, as she gasped weak and airy, "Lanna…" Despite the fact that she knew things could get out of hand quickly if Torres kissed her, the need to connect with B'Elanna in such a manner had been fervent and raging from the moment she found her watching her in the Shuttle Bay, and now the desire was more than the captain could resist, and when she pulled her head back and looked into B'Elanna's shadowy eyes that were aflame with love as both of their chests heaved in passion, Kathryn could only mouth the words as she brought her hand to Torres' neck as well, "Kiss me."

Torres herself was in no state to turn away from temptation again, especially when Kathryn merely silently spoke the request, and just slightly at that, then involuntarily licked her top lip softly and left their thin, pale masses parted a crack as she breathed erratically. Licking her own lips as Janeway urged her closer and titled her head, then started to close her eyes, B'Elanna made her move to throw caution to the wind, and then had to bite down on a hearty curse when her door call sounded audibly in the room just as her lips made contact, put before she could pressed them firmly against the captain's.

Sighing as Kathryn did as well, then instantly pulled her head back but rested her forehead on her shoulder as she attempted to calm herself down as fast as she could, B'Elanna whispered, "I love you."

"I love you too, darling," Janeway nodded, taking a deep breath as the sensor sounded again and she quickly disengaged from Torres' body then went back to her seat, trailing her fingertips against Torres' stomach as she passed by.

Once the captain was seated properly and tugging on her coffee mug, Torres said, "Come in, " in an irritated voice, hoping someone would think they had interrupted an important discussion, and possibly a heated one, instead of an intimate moment as she sat down and crossed her arms over her chest. When Seven of Nine immediately stepped through the doorway, moving fairly quickly, probably wondering what had taken Torres so long, B'Elanna was honestly surprised the Borg hadn't just busted in on them, but not too surprised that it was Seven at the door, and honestly glad since she wouldn't have to hide anything, the chief sighed and muttered, "Figures. " As she shut the door behind Seven, she added, "Great timing, dollface…join the party."

Raising her eyebrow by the sarcastic greeting, Seven queried, "Shall I return at a later time?"

Setting down her coffee, knowing Torres wouldn't mind that she wasn't recycling it herself, Janeway stood and said, "That's fine, Seven…I should get back anyway." Coming up to Seven as the tall blonde placed her hands behind her back and looked as though she was uncertain how to act, Kathryn asked, "Can I have a kiss goodbye…I doubt I'll see you before tomorrow?" After kissing the blonde softly, she said, melodic, "Thank you…say hello to my assistant for me, huh?"

"I will comply, " Seven nodded, looking much more at ease now.

Nodding once in a business manner, she turned to B'Elanna halfway and said as she touched her hand to the sensor to open the door, and had to place her other palm on her torso, flat, trying to settle herself and remain composed, even though something akin to a warp core breach was occurring within her being, "Thank you for the coffee, Chief…you'll keep me updated?"

Trying not to smirk, even if Seven of Nine was, noticing the inflection in the captain's tone which let on that she was speaking in 'code,' and the placement of her hand, which to this day continued to be the Borg's favorite stance used by the redhead, especially now that she knew Janeway used it only when she was feeling 'sexy' and needing to pull on that emotion to assist her with her work, the engineer replied, "Aye, Captain."

Bobbing her head once more, she glanced between the two of them and said, "Ladies, " before she departed quickly.

Once Janeway was gone, Torres sighed heavily, pressing her hand to the sensor again to shut the door and said as she sunk down into her chair, "I hope this is important…"

Cocking her eyebrow again, Seven returned, "If I had known you were attempting to 'nail' the captain in your office at this time, I would have waited to give you my report." When that produced a slightly chuckle from the brunette, Seven handed over the PADD as she said with sincerity, "My apologies, B'Elanna Torres."

Torres took the PADD as Seven continued to stand in front of her desk and replied, shaking her head and sighing, "Don't worry about it…it's probably a good thing you came when you did." Clearing her throat, she said as she leaned back and kicked up her feet, "Or I might have nailed her right here on the desk…and," she smirked, "I'm not trash talking."

"Considering the condition of Kathryn's pupils, respiration, and blood pressure when I entered," Seven added, tilting her head slightly, "it is a high probability such an event would have come to fruition." Then taking a seat in front of B'Elanna's desk, her curiosity got the better of her, and she had to ask, "Has such an event ever occurred in this location?"

Laughing, B'Elanna shook her head and said, "No, babe…not even close." Pointing at her, she informed, "You still hold the record for the most dangerous place…and I don't think that's going to be broken anytime soon, although," she grinned wickedly, "I'm working on it."

Smiling with confidence, Seven came back, "Feel 'free' to inform me if you require my assistance…I am…what you would call versatile."

"Oh Christ…I've created a monster..."

Still dressed in her Starfleet habit, although minus her tunic and tool jacket as she carried her bulging overnight bag over her shoulder, something she usually didn't bring with her when she stayed in the captain's quarters, but tomorrow wasn't an ordinary morning, thus she needed some special dress items, Torres stopped mid-stride as she passed Engineering, pivoted and jogged quickly back to her quarters remembering she had forgotten a very important part of her 'uniform.' Emerging from the depths of her chaotic cabin, now wearing the thick, silver ring Kathryn had given her on her thumb, having left it in the inside pocket of her tool jacket, B'Elanna tapped her communicator as she strode briskly down the hall, fighting the urge to run yet again, "Computer, locate Captain Janeway."

"Captain Janeway is in her quarters."

Smiling at that, B'Elanna picked up the pace now that she knew that not only she wasn't going to be caught by Janeway running through the halls again, but that her lover was already waiting for her, and bounded down the hall at a fairly fast pace, but had to come to a skidding halt at the turbolift when the door didn't automatically open for her. Sighing, she bounced slightly as she waited for a lift to become free for her use and mumbled under her breath as it continued to test her patience. When the doors parted evenly, Torres was about to make a move to push through them, not caring who she would possibly accost on her way through the doors, when the large form of Nicole Fowler appeared between them, moving fairly quickly herself.

Stopping short before she plowed into her friend, B'Elanna sighed and said, "Hey…you're not coming to see me…are you?"

Fowler chuckled slightly at the less than enthused look on her friend's face, especially since Torres usually greeted her as if she hadn't seen her in days, then patted B'Elanna on the arm and replied, "Not this time." Then noticing the bag, she asked, "You staying with the little lady tonight?"

"Yea," B'Elanna nodded fairly quickly. After pausing for a moment, she finally let the turbolift doors close, deciding to take the next one and asked, smirking a little, "You wouldn't happen to be going to Sam's…would you?"

"As a matter fact," Fowler grinned back, "I am. She invited me over for dinner since Seven's going to be over too…so, I have to run…I'm already running behind and I wanted to check up on Engineering and Science before I called it a day." When Torres nodded and told her to have fun, Fowler nodded back, then turned a little serious, but not too drastically so, and said, "Hey…about tomorrow," she added once B'Elanna raised her eyebrows, smirking again, "tear shit up."

Smiling, Torres walloped the large, heavily muscled brunette in the arm with the side of her fist and said, "Thanks, Nick…I will." As the lift doors opened again for her, she jumped inside and yelled down the hall, "Don't forget to wash your hands, slick." When Fowler turned around, checked to see if anyone was watching, then flipped her off, B'Elanna returned the gesture then let the doors close as she laughed and next barked, "Deck Three!"

While the turbolift ascended, B'Elanna continued to tap her foot to a steady beat, and when the carriage stopped fairly quickly after it had started, Torres clenched her fists, knowing she wasn't at the correct deck yet and a little begrudgingly stepped aside as once again the doors opened. When Tom Paris appeared between the slit, B'Elanna felt her muscles instantly coil, but she contained herself and prayed that he just kept his mouth shut and went on his way.

"Hey," Paris greeted fairly cheerful as he stepped into the lift from Deck Eight. After B'Elanna offered a terse, "Hey," and didn't go on, he asked, "Where are you headed?"

Snapping her head toward him, then relenting just as speedy, reminding herself that he wasn't being nosey and was just wondering which deck to call out first, she answered, not wanting to give him any reason to say or look any way which would make her want to punch him in the face more than she already wished to, just for slowing her down, "You can go first…I'm not in a hurry."

"Deck Five," Paris commanded, then cleared his throat and didn't say anything more until the lift opened. Stepping into the doorway, he turned around and said, "Um," then sighed, "listen…good luck tomorrow. I just wanted to tell you that I'll be thinking about you."

B'Elanna nodded once roughly and crisp, then said, "Thanks…but I don't need any luck," she ended, growling.

"Well," Tom came back, remaining pleasant, "no…but it was either that or …kill'em all, and I wasn't sure you'd like that." When B'Elanna expelled the air from her lungs, then nodded, softer, he finished, "Anyway, break a leg…hell, break a few."

"Thanks," B'Elanna responded easier, but still slightly uncomfortable, "I mean it." Then once Paris smiled and then let the doors close, Torres sighed and snarled, "Deck Three, dammit!" as she clenched her fists, ready to take down anyone or anything that got in her way again. When the lift stopped and the doors opened at the correct destination, B'Elanna was almost surprised, but she recovered from it quickly and bolted out of the elevator, running full throttle down the hallway toward Kathryn's cabin.

Cutting the corner sharp and seeing nothing but clear sailing ahead of her, she slowed her sprint to a slight jog as she finished the end of her journey, barking at the computer to put a privacy seal on her communicator, figuring Janeway had done the same already. Then stopping at the door, she quickly entered her authorization code, which would open it for her instantly, and took a quick breath in a somewhat futile attempt to settle herself as the silver panels parted for her.

Torres wasn't certain before she entered the room as to what she was going to do when she saw Janeway, but once she entered the dimly lit dwelling and her eyes fell upon the redhead where she sat on the couch waiting for her, and it was fairly easy to tell that she wasn't wearing anything underneath her pink, silk robe, as the older woman's smoldering gaze burned right through her soul, B'Elanna figured out what her reaction would be…in a trice.

As Kathryn rose from the couch, saying and starting for her, "Computer, seal the door to my quarters...authorization Janeway, bravo, seven, nine, red," while untying her robe and letting it fall from her thin shoulders as she continued to hold her scorching stare, Torres let her bag fall to floor in front of the door as she started for her beckoning lover.

Marching up to the captain, her body now operating practically on auto-pilot, she easily caught the slight female as Janeway leapt toward her body, throwing her arms around her neck, then wrapped her legs around her waist as she demanded, husky and somewhat faint, "Take me," just prior to kissing her passionately, but in a manner that let it be known she didn't want to be in control any longer, then turned and bounded toward the bedroom, growling deep in her throat as she deepened the kiss and finally launched their huddled bodies onto the forgiving surface of the mattress and bedding.

A little over an hour later, B'Elanna Torres smirked as Janeway, whose narrow hips were planted between hers where they reclined in the bathtub that was filled with steamy water and an absurdly excessive amount of bubbles, ran her hands over her stocky thighs, delighting herself in the feel of the firm, Klingon's physique, "Like I said before, Red, hooking up with the captain certainly has its perks." As Kathryn's radiant face and eyes twinkled in the soft glow of the candle lit room as she rested comfortably against B'Elanna's bosom, and titled her head just enough so her lover could see her happiness, Torres moved one of the hands she had draped across Kathryn's chest to her face, rubbed her thumb across her strong chin and said, softly, "I'm glad I'm here with you like this tonight."

Snatching up Torres' hand before it got too far away from her, she returned the digits to her face, although brought them to her mouth and kissed them lightly before she entwined her fingers with them, keeping their hands near to her heart, she whispered as she halfway slipped off B'Elanna's thumb ring and fiddled with it absently between her own thumb and first finger, "I'm glad you're here too," looking up at her again, "I've never felt as close to you as I feel right now, Lanna."

B'Elanna pushed the air from her chest softly as she shook her head lightly in amazement for the crazy way life seemed to work itself out. When Kathryn smirked and asked her what she was thinking about, Torres pulled her tight against her chest and said, kissing the captain's temple, speaking quiet, "I feel like I've come full circle…you calling me Lanna just reminded me of that, I guess. I remember the first time you called me that…do you?"

Smiling still with the shine of afterglow, Janeway nodded as she replied, "Mmmhmm." Then grinning crookedly a little bit, she admitted, "You know, that was a rather big slip on my part…I hadn't even realized I said that until she asked me." Slowly rubbing her thumb against the silver ring, she said, quiet, "When you turned around and asked me if I had just called you Lanna…you would have thought I committed a cardinal sin inside my mind…the captain was very angry at herself that day."

Confused, Torres asked, "Why were you mad? I wasn't mad…just surprised because only my mother ever called me that."

Kathryn chuckled lightly and informed, "Well, we'd been spending more time together because of your difficulties with Mister Paris," she couldn't help from using a more professional title since even though she didn't dislike him, when it came to how he had treated B'Elanna, whom she loved intensely, the memories tended to set her teeth on edge, "and even though I'd always been fond of you…well, I guess I was starting to realize that I liked you a little more than I ought to." Shaking her head, she said, "I don't think I realized it until then…but I'm not in the habit of addressing my crew by their nicknames, especially right after I've reprimanded them for disobeying orders. It really caught me off-guard…couldn't you tell?"

Torres laughed once and reported, "No, not at all…although, not like that's a surprise." Rubbing her girlfriend's stomach affectionately with her free hand, she whispered, "Don't underestimate yourself, Red…you played it like a pro." Then chuckling slightly as they remained quiet for a few moments, B'Elanna admitted, "That whole thing really did me in where you were concerned…it was right after that that I mentioned you in my personal logs, and made some comment about how cute you are when you're pissed." Shaking her head as Kathryn rolled her eyes, but snickered, she whispered, "When I woke up from that procedure and hugged you, the craziest things were going through my mind. I was so happy to be alive…that my mother was alive…I was so happy you were there, Kathryn." Squeezing her tighter, she informed, "And then I realized I was hugging you and you were hugging me back…and I remember thinking how good you felt in my arms, and not because you remind me of her sometimes…and I didn't want to let go." Nipping Janeway's earlobe softly as the redhead turned her head as B'Elanna silently requested her do by nudging her with her cheek, she whispered, "You smelled good too…and I guess the rest is history."

For several minutes each of them remained silent after that, during which Torres leaned her head back, resting it on the hand towel Kathryn had placed there for her comfort, and closed her eyes while she continued to gently run her thumb across Janeway's trim abdomen, then dipped her hand lower and softly stroked her inner thigh absently as she retreated into her mind. Janeway continued to hold B'Elanna's other hand while she relaxed against her chest, and she too fell into her thoughts while her other fingers traced the groves and planes of her lover's bent, upper leg. While B'Elanna tried to figure out how to open up to Kathryn, how to even begin to start talking about the ideas, fears, and doubts threading through her consciousness, the captain contemplated how to get B'Elanna to talk.

Janeway and Torres had never found themselves in this situation before. They often came to each other with many of their needs, but talking wasn't usually one of them…at least talking to this extent. The captain wasn't sure why that was, but part of her figured it was because they had known each other for so long before they became involved, and already had outlets for this type of need. Before Seven of Nine, Janeway didn't really talk to anyone, which was one reason, she was certain, she still fought the desire, even when she knew it was for the best, but whenever she did talk, it was always to Chakotay, or sometimes Tuvok, but no one else. Torres wasn't really too keen on talking either, but she did it better than the captain, most of the time, and before Fowler, who was her number one confidant as of late, she always turned to Chakotay for guidance.

The captain on the other hand was fairly used to people coming to talk to her, especially since Seven of Nine entered her life, so she felt perfectly comfortable being the one B'Elanna needed to talk to, but that didn't mean she knew where to begin. With Seven it was fairly easy. She was direct and said what was on her mind. Often times it took a little while to get to that main issue while she contemplated the problem, but the tall blonde was a woman of many words and many curiosities, so they rarely incurred a moment of silence like she and B'Elanna were experiencing currently. And even though this moment of pause and consideration wasn't what the captain was used to, she knew that this was more 'normal' behavior, so to speak, and that she probably couldn't utilize techniques she used on the Borg with B'Elanna. They were completely different, which was one of the reasons it made it so easy for her to be madly in love with both of them, but that wasn't giving her any ideas on how to get this needed conversation underway.

After racking her brain for a couple more minutes, Kathryn finally said as she carefully pushed herself up, then swiveled around, thinking that maybe Seven's way of doing things was really the best, and could possibly be appealing to Torres, "I think maybe we should change tactics…" When Torres opened her eyes and lifted her head, Janeway urged the brunette to straighten her legs as she crawled into her lap and straddled her hips comfortably. Snatching up the washcloth and adding soap to it after dipping it into the still steamy water, she offered as B'Elanna brought her hands to her hips and rubbed their slight curve gently, "Unless you don't want to talk anymore…I think that maybe you should just say what's on your mind." Smirking a little as she took one of B'Elanna's arm and began washing it softly, once again admiring the musculature, she informed, "Works for Seven." When Torres chuckled once but didn't say anything and shook her head slightly, Janeway smiled as best she could and said, "Try it…just say whatever's on your mind…don't worry if it seems out of the blue. I'll just listen and only talk if you want me to, or if you ask me a question." Softening some, she leaned forward for a minute, kissed Torres sweetly and informed, "Just be honest, darling, and I promise to do the same…it's just me here with you…it doesn't mean anything…we all need to just talk sometimes."

Sighing, Torres bobbed her head, giving in as she got situated and recline further until her head was resting on the edge of the tub. As Kathryn started running the wash cloth over her chest, B'Elanna reported plainly, "I'm afraid of the dark."

"I know, " Kathryn replied quietly as she ran the wash cloth gently over B'Elanna's forehead, then explained when Torres looked shocked, "Well, it was just by accident that I found out really." Smiling softly, she admitted, "One night while I was working a little late because Seven was regenerating, I got to missing you pretty bad, so I went to your quarters. I checked with the computer first to make sure you were alone, and then I just went in and found you curled up on your bed asleep with all of the lights on at maximum." Sighing, she said, "You looked exhausted, and considering you didn't wake up at the sound of the door, I left, but then I thought it was strange for you to have all the lights on…and I just...put two and two together."

Kathryn ceased her washing for a moment and said, "That explained why you were so uneasy the night we went searching for firewood, and the comment you made as to that it was a good thing you weren't present, but didn't elaborate when I told you about the tunnel Nick and I had to crawl through at Burnhouse…and I also assume that's one reason you keep your own place, and why you got tense the first couple of times I stayed over with you after I turned off the lights."

B'Elanna smirked weakly as she replied, trying not to sound irritated, even if she was, but not at the captain, just at her own inability to hide her fear, "Not much gets past you, does it?" Then frowning, she asked, still sounding unhappy, "Is that why you never turn the lights off anymore when you come over?"

"Mmmhmm," Kathryn responded as she resumed her washing, now concentrating on Torres' upperchest, keeping her voice even and not taking any offense to B'Elanna's attitude, since she was used to her lover's abrupt mood swings, understood the science behind them, and also understood why something like being afraid of the dark would make Torres edgy, even if she felt it was her job to tell her it wasn't a anything to worry about. "I didn't want to bring it up to you until you felt comfortable telling me, so I figured I would just leave them on and let you turn them off, and pretend to not notice." Sighing, Janeway said, "I'm sorry I didn't just tell you that you could leave them on, but," almost whispering, "I just didn't want to make you uncomfortable. Considering you didn't tell me, I figured it was like the not being able to swim thing." Not letting the conversation get bogged down in that, and hoping to keep it moving along, even though she knew she was dong most of the talking, but trying to do her part to warm Torres' up to the idea of opening up to her, "Is there any reason you're afraid of the dark?"

Tensing immediately, Torres said clipped, unable to help herself, "No…I just always hated it…I don't know why." When Kathryn didn't make a comment or continue, or seem shocked or anything at all, just continued to wash her chest, now focusing on her left breast, but the movement was purely a loving gesture to wash another person and not sexual in nature, it being similar to how Naomi had washed her the night before, Torres said, "It's not so bad anymore. The only time I keep the lights on in my cabin is after I've had a nightmare, or if I'm really edgy and can't sleep." Looking away, she mumbled as deep furrows formed around her mouth and on her forehead, "Sometimes I can't fall asleep unless the lights are on."

Feeling the need to take control, Torres gently commandeered the wash cloth and went on as she added more soap to it, and was glad when Kathryn didn't fight her, "About the only time I get really freaked out is when it's pitch black." Rolling her eyes as she took one of the captain's arms, placed it on her shoulder and started washing it slowly, she said, "That's why I said it was a good thing I wasn't with you and Nick…I…well," she said through clenched teeth and dropping her hand, "I would have been useless!"

Kathryn brought her hand to Torres' cheek and said, "Darling, I don't know anyone who likes it pitch black…I'm certainly not comfortable in it, and neither was Nick...don't be so hard on yourself." Then letting her go and speaking more logically, she said, trying to get to the heart of why this bothered her so much, pretty certain she knew but wanting B'Elanna to say it, "So, you don't like the pitch black, and have a hard time managing in it…you certainly aren't the first or last person to fit that criteria, and you're not the first or last Starfleet officer to feel that way, Lanna. And if you like to leave the lights on after you've had a nightmare or when you feel abnormally stressed …well, that's no one's business but yours, darling. I have nightmares all the time when I'm under stress, and if I didn't have two huge windows in my quarters to keep it lit all the time, I'd do the same thing. If you're worried that this is going to affect your position on this ship, or on the Elite Force, then you shouldn't. You've been a senior officer on this ship for seven years, and this hasn't been a problem one time, and if you find yourself in a position like Nick and I found ourselves in, there's the fact that it's not my practice to let my officers go anywhere alone. Yes, Samuel went out by himself, but that mission was very specialized and I only felt comfortable sending him out by himself because he's so highly trained, and," she reminded rubbing Torres' cheek, "because he was going to talk to doctors and scientists in upscale restaurants…and there really wasn't a lot of danger involved." Sighing when she realized what she was doing, having slipped into the mode without even thinking about it, she shook her head and said, looking down at her hands, somewhat defeated, "I'm sorry, I said I wouldn't bring the captain into here tonight."

"It's fine, Kathryn," Torres jumped in quickly. It was perfectly fine for her to be hard on herself, but she didn't like it when Kathryn, or especially Seven followed suit; there was also the fact that part of her needed the captain right now...needed the authority figure to remind her that she wasn't a failure. "Not all of this effects just me, or the three of us…it affects the ship too…it affects your command…don't worry about it." Then quieting, she asked, "Honestly, and I need to know…does this make me a …contingency," she snarled the word, "on the Elite Force."

"B'Elanna," Janeway started softly, "we all have our strengths and we all have areas where we need assistance." When Torres seemed unconvinced, she offered, "Take Seven for example. There are some things that I simply won't allow her to do alone. I'd never send her into a crowded, unfamiliar place alone, and only with someone she's comfortable with and knows how to handle her and take care of her if she's damaged. There's simply too much chance that she'll become confused, get taken advantage of, or possibly frightened, but if she's with you, she does fine." Leaning forward, Janeway reminded as she braced herself above B'Elanna's head to make a point, "Everyone knows that…Seven knows that…but there's not one person on that squad that thinks she's a contingency…or a weakness…and no one will think that of you, B'Elanna."

When the chief still didn't seem as if that had helped, she went on, "And then there's me." As that got Torres' attention back, she reminded, "I know what it feels like to hate that you can't do everything...I put up with that all the time. I'm the captain, and even though I can shoot straight and run fast...I'm not a fighter...and I never will be. I'm a small human woman who can barely lift her six year old assistant up to the replicator...so that means there are some things I don't get to do alone." When Torres sighed, and seemed angry at herself for making the captain talk that way about herself, since she knew it was something of a sensitive subject for the older woman, then grabbed Kathryn's hand as she sat back up straight and kissed her knuckles, Janeway smiled, accepting the gesture, leaned forward, kissed B'Elanna sweetly, mumbled her thanks, and then said as she braced herself once again over Torres, "And no…you don't have to tell anyone that you're uncomfortable in the pitch blackness because, like I said, it's a common occurrence. It's simply assumed that people don't like it, Lanna." Smirking, she said, "I made Nick sing to keep us calm, and walk right behind me with her arm wrapped around my waist...it's just not a big deal."

Sighing, Torres said as Janeway sat back onto her hips again, "But it is a big deal if you're a Klingon, Red." Putting her head back on the ledge rather hard, uncaring, she said with anger in her voice, "I'm a Klingon, Kathryn…we're supposed to like it hot and dark…hot," she looked up, "I can handle the heat…bring it on…but dark," she wilted, "I just can't take it." Sitting up some until she was close to Janeway's face, she said, "I get really freaked, Red…if I'd been in the tunnel with you," looking down, "I just don't know…I don't know that I could have been able to keep you safe."

"Then let me keep you safe in the dark," Janeway came back quickly but soft, holding B'Elanna's face with her palm. "You don't have to conquer everything at one time, Lanna…no one expects that of you."

Slumping back, Torres said, "But that makes me weak, Red…that's a weakness…and what if I never get over it?" Frustrated as all of her fears started to bubble to the surface, she said looking at the ceiling as she put her head back again, "What if I can't do it! What Klingon do you know that's afraid of the dark? What Klingon is afraid of anything!" As Janeway grew silent and just sat in her lap and listened, Torres continued to shout as she looked up, not able to look at Kathryn in the face, since next to the captain she felt disgraceful because she was certain Janeway wasn't afraid of anything, except losing Seven of Nine, but she didn't count that, "That's what it means to be a Klingon…you're not afraid! You're not afraid to die! The only fear a Klingon has is dishonor…that's it, because that's all that matters. You're born, you conquer and then you die…and through it all, you're proud to be Klingon…proud of your honor…there's no honor in disgrace…there's no honor in fear."

Not certain if she should speak, but feeling the need to argue, Kathryn said blunt, knowing enough about the Klingon culture during her years at the Academy to know that B'Elanna was being overly literal, "You're wrong." When Torres snapped her head up at her, Janeway went on easily, but with confidence, "Klingon's are afraid just as much as anyone else…they simply fight through their fear with more passion than most other cultures. And no one is perfect, Lanna…no one. I'm sure Kahless himself was afraid of something. Why would anyone fight with such gusto all of the damn time if they weren't afraid…if they didn't want to conquer their fear? Just because you have fear doesn't mean you're a disgrace." When Torres didn't get up and leave or scream at her, Janeway went on boldly, "Fight your fear if you feel you must…fight it tooth and nail…that gives you honor. What's that they say…there's no disgrace to falling to a superior opponent?" Once Torres nodded once, tense, she added, "You don't let this fear control you…it might affect you, but it certainly hasn't beaten you…if it did then the whole damn ship would know about it…but we don't, B'Elanna…no one knows. You've never become a useless," she spat the word with attitude to make a point, "heap of nothing when the environmental systems went off-line. We've been in the dark out here more times than I can remember, and not once have you ever had a problem." Softening, Janeway eased forward again and said as she braced herself over the Klingon, "I think you're letting this speak for too much, darling…"

When B'Elanna grew still, then sat up, pulled Kathryn close and pushed her face to her upper-chest, Janeway kissed her forehead as she wrapped her arms around Torres' neck and whispered, "Tell me what's wrong…tell me what's really wrong."

Kissing her way up to Kathryn's neck, Torres mumbled, "I'll never give up on you, Kathryn…I'll never do that to you. I'd rather be a disgrace than leave you…I don't care…I won't do it."

"B'Elanna," Janeway whispered, holding her tight, "darling, why do you keep saying that? I don't think you're going to leave me." Forcing herself away, she asked, "Is that what this is about? Do you think I think you're going to leave?" When Torres sighed, and looked down, Kathryn lifted her chin and demanded, becoming the captain again, "Lanna, answer me…do you?"

Flopping back down into the water, Torres said honestly, "I don't know…I don't see why you wouldn't think that." Laughing sardonically as she picked up the washcloth and rang it out, twisting the cloth tight with her strength, she growled, "What have I ever been able to see through to the end? Nothing!" Balling her fist into the cloth, she said looking down, animated with her head and snarling mouth, "I couldn't take being a Klingon…I couldn't take being a human…I couldn't finish the fucking Academy! I went from one thing to the next, but never did I do anything that mattered. I couldn't even finish the Day of Honor three years ago…and Tom made the program! What the fuck does Tom Paris know about being a Klingon!" Throwing the wash cloth across the bathroom toward the shower, she growled, "Nothing! It was bullshit! It wasn't the Day of Honor…it was the Day of fucking Disgrace!" Covering her face, she yelled, "And I walked right out of there…they brought out a few painstiks and I left! The only thing I've ever followed through with was a dream or a vision...I don't know what the hell it was, but it wasn't even real!"

Before she started reminding Torres of the things she'd done aboard her vessel, Kathryn asked, to clarify, "What wasn't real?"

"The Barge of the Dead!" Torres answered, pulling her hands away and splashing some as they fell into the water. "My mother's dishonor…first I tried to lift her honor and release her to Sto-Vo-Kor the coward's," she snarled, flaring her nostrils, "way by letting you bring me back, but they knew that's what I'd do. Don't you see, Kathryn…they know I'm a coward, and when I finally stood up and took her dishonor, she fought it, Red…she fought for me, even though I was the one that put her there! She would have rather gone to gre'tor than let me have her dishonor...the dishonor that I gave her!"

Becoming quiet and depressed just as fast as she became angry, B'Elanna looked down at her hands and said, "But I took it…I took the mark and I went to gre'tor for her…at least that's what I tried to do, but they didn't let me go, Red…they didn't let me see it through." Looking up with misty eyes, she said, "It was just a dream…it never happened and she's still dishonored because of me…because B'Elanna Torres, daughter of Miral hasn't a shred of honor…I never have…never." Throwing her hands over her face, she cried, "I abandoned her, Kathryn…just like my father…just because she was Klingon and I couldn't take it."

Inhaling deeply and pulling her hands away, she flared her nostrils again, and spat, now just talking to herself, "And I hated her! God, I hated her and me so much! I blamed her for everything! And what did she do to deserve that? She did nothing! He was the one that left. She just didn't become a Klingon overnight! She's always been one...she's always had honor…but he couldn't take it, and he left her and me…and he wouldn't have anything to do with me because I was half of her." Looking back up at Janeway, whose face was a mixture of deep sadness and understanding of her pain, Torres said, shouting, "He was the coward…and I'm just like him! So yes…yes I think you think I'll leave you too...if I were you, I sure as hell would!"

Janeway shook her head from side to side and came back, "No, no, Lanna…I don't think that. I've never thought that…never, not once." Sighing, Kathryn crossed her arms over her chest and admitted, "If you want to know the truth, speaking from merely my own point of view, I worry about Seven leaving me…but never once have I worried about you."

"Seven!"

"Yes," Janeway nodded quickly. "I'm almost fourteen years older than her…she was a Borg…there's so much for her to experience…and who am I?" Holding up her hands, she said, "I'm a Starfleet captain…there's only so much I can do." Kathryn softened slightly as she went on, but she was clearly being serious, "You know how much I love Seven…and I love her enough to let her go on without me once she was able, and do all the amazing things that she could do that would take her so much farther than I could ever dream of, or probably handle going, but you…you," she sighed, as her eyes teared up, "I could never let go…even if I had to follow you to the ends of the Empire and back again." Leaning down and bracing herself over Torres again, she said, "Don't you see, Lanna? Other than being a member of my crew, you're not my responsibility. I'm not responsible for your life. I don't have to teach you anything…I don't have to make sure you get a life back that was stolen from you. You know about things…you can handle any situation. I don't worry about you like I worry about Seven...you're tough...you're the toughest person I know. I've never felt safer in my life than when I'm with you...and I don't have to do anything for you except get you home." As tears started running down her cheeks unbidden, Kathryn informed, "I don't have to do any of the things I have to do for Seven, any of the things that make me love her for everything that she is, and all that she'll become and that means I don't love you like I love her." Sitting up some and wiping her tears away as B'Elanna stared at her like she had no idea who she was, Kathryn finished, crying still, which caused her strong voice to weaken steadily, "But I love you, B'Elanna Torres…I love you with everything I know that love is." Sighing as Torres continued to look frozen and unable to comprehend the information, she finished, "I am in love with you and I don't ever want to be anything else. No one could ever be you to me…ever." Bracing herself again, she whispered, desperate to be heard, "I won't let you go, so I'm not worried that you'll leave."

"Red?" Torres called out to the woman in her arms softly from where she lay on her back in the bed with the Starfleet issue grey sheets pulled up to cover only half of the captain's much paler body as she rested on top of her.

After Kathryn had finished speaking to her in the bath tub, B'Elanna had been so overcome by the redhead's words about the depth and passion of her feelings toward her, not to mention her faith in her as a person that could take care of herself, which was a mighty big compliment coming from 'Kathryn the Great,' that all the engineer could think to do was surge up, kiss her passionately as she vowed to always be with her, while she once again picked the smaller woman up and carried her off to bed to make love to her, not caring that their bodies were dripping wet or that there was still much to discuss because it was simply a moment in her life that she knew she'd never forget, and making love to Kathryn after such a heartfelt confession seemed precisely the correct response since Torres knew she'd never be able to get out an adequate verbal answer in her current state.

Again almost an hour later, they were both now dry and so was most of the bedding, and once they had been settled for a few long moments and Janeway had stopped trembling from the release of energy that had slowly built during their slow coupling until she could no longer speak coherently and continue to remind the engineer, which she did throughout the last encounter until the very end, of all of the things B'Elanna had done in the last seven years that proved she wasn't a coward and could follow through when she cared for something, Torres finally decided it was time to continue their conversation.

"Hmm?" Janeway hummed into B'Elanna's neck, then kissed her softly, but didn't attempt to move an inch, despite the fact that she was flung atop the brunette completely, and even though she knew Torres was tough, she wasn't Seven of Nine. Although, considering her body felt practically unmoveable, and the engineer continued to hold onto her and stroke her back that was exposed to the moderately warm air of her quarters, she didn't think there was any need for her to unwind just yet, and as long as B'Elanna was comfortable, she was happy to stay in that position the rest of the night, even though they'd still yet to have anything to in the way of nourishment…well, dinner, that is, since there had been an awful lot of soul food consumed already.

"Can I talk to the captain again for a while…or is she out of commission?" Then she asked in the next breath, to make certain, "Or is this a bad setting?" not thinking it was since Janeway had gone back and forth between the captain and the lover while in the tub, but she wasn't sure considering the captain had just ten minutes ago been writhing and moaning in ecstasy as the chief engineer lavished her body with only her mouth, and they hadn't done that in the bathtub...not even close.

Chuckling in her sexy tones, although it couldn't be helped since she couldn't press herself up at the moment to allow her lungs to take in more oxygen and increase the pitch of her low voice, Kathryn kissed Torres' neck again and replied, "This is my secret Conference Room, Miss Torres…but there are three rules." Kissing B'Elanna again, she informed, being fanciful and unprofessional, and not giving a good god damn, "One, by entering this domain, you accept that she will continue to kiss you throughout the meeting. Two, you are granted the privilege of kissing the captain and speaking freely, but respectfully, while in this domain and throughout the meeting, and three, you have to call her Kathryn. If you accept these rules, then you have the captain's undivided attention."

Torres smiled for a moment while she expelled the air from her chest that easily took the weight upon it, finding solace and more comfort than she'd ever dreamed just by lying here with this woman, and was glad Janeway didn't have a problem talking about their 'jobs' while in bed, then reminded fairly plainly, "If all goes right tomorrow, you're going to have a Klingon as your chief engineer." When she felt Janeway nod against the side of her face and then kiss her softly several times, she went on, "I've been thinking about this a lot, Kathryn, and after talking with Nick and just thinking about it, I've decided to take the day after tomorrow to compose my own code of honor." Sighing, she said softer, rubbing the captain's back absently, "I want to do this…I really, really do for many reasons. I know that it's time, but I'm not going to pretend like it's going to be easy. I'm not saying I'm going to change overnight either…I've been working up to this, trying to create sort of an adjustment period for myself and for everyone, but after tomorrow it matters more what I do…it matters more what others do too."

Before the captain could respond, the engineer continued, "I don't think that people are going to go around dishonoring me…that's not what I'm saying, but I am saying that if that does happen…you need to be prepared for that. And I'm not going to go around breaking noses and killing people just because they're a jerk or something…that's not what I'm saying. I'm still a Starfleet officer too…I don't want to stop being that. I want to be a Klingon Starfleet officer…and I know I'll have to adapt…that's one reason why I'm making my own code of honor. It's not going to be anything crazy or out of the ordinary, I promise…it's," she sighed again, "it won't be as strict and that's because no matter what, I'm only a half Klingon, Starfleet officer, and I don't want to start embracing my Klingon heritage at the expense of my human side. That wouldn't be any better than what I've already done for my entire life…but, I will be going through the full ritual to attain my honor to ensure that I have it, and then I'll decide how to protect it and protect my duty to you and this ship. I guess…I guess that even though I'm not worried about you or Seven breaking up with me by writing a letter…I'd still consider stuff like that dishonor, and I wouldn't be able to say no to you anymore."

Kathryn remained where she was while she answered after nuzzling Torres' neck modestly, holding back her enormous sigh of relief since B'Elanna was telling her exactly what she needed to know, and she never had to worry about upsetting her by asking her, "I know, and I won't ask you to. If I'm there, it's my duty to remind you of the consequences of your actions, but I won't ask you to accept dishonor. You have every right to express your culture and that's not only important to me, but it's important to Starfleet and the Federation." Bringing up her hand and massaging the back of B'Elanna's neck lightly as she kissed her flesh again, equally soft, she added, "But there is one thing that you can't do, Lanna…if I'm operating as the captain of this vessel, and someone threatens me or dishonors me…or whatever, I need you to continue to act as my officer, first and foremost for several reasons, one of them being it's not safe for you and Seven if someone knows that I'm romantically involved with you…and I expect you to follow my orders without question." Kissing her again and snuggling her neck to show that she didn't believe B'Elanna couldn't handle it, she included, "Like the work you did at Burnhouse…I know that was hard for you and Seven…it was difficult for me, honestly…but you two did your jobs and let me do mine, and I learned a big lesson about our situation from that experience too, as I know the two of you did. I learned that you and Seven are capable of working with me when I'm in danger without becoming a problem. As long as you continue to make sound decisions when you're acting as my officer, let me handle the situation and give the orders…just as you did then, and as you continue to do now, there won't ever be a problem. If we're off duty, and I mean really off duty...like not on this ship, and there's a problem that you honestly feel you can't ignore, then," she whispered lovingly as she stroked her cheek, "I won't try to stop you, and I'll always be grateful and honored by your protection…you know I can't always say that, but I'm grateful for it each of every day, darling…and I know Seven is too," she chuckled, "although, she has a harder time admitting it because I know she feels it's her job to look out for the both of us since…she's Borg, and you know how she gets."

When the captain felt B'Elanna nod, snicker just slightly, kiss her shoulder and then shiver before she pulled Janeway farther on top of her, Kathryn didn't have to ask what was wrong, thus she merely pushed herself up enough so she could reach down and pull the blankets and the sheets farther over their bodies. After settling back in, now cuddling with her engineer on the side of her body, keeping and arm and leg draped over her, Janeway informed, getting back to business, "I know you're comfortable talking to Nick about these things, and feel she gives you good advice…and I agree that your idea to adapt to both of your cultures is not only necessary, but responsible and intelligent, but I think that possibly you should consider discussing this more with Seven." Pushing herself up onto her elbow as Torres turned her head toward her, slightly surprised, although there was no disapproval in her expression, the captain informed, "She, of course, has researched this," she smirked, "since she discovered that you weren't just completing a Day of Honor ritual, but going a step further and embracing your mother's heritage fully, so that she could assist and support you in this…as your lover and as your friend and colleague." When B'Elanna chuckled slightly, actually smiled as she shook her head, Kathryn followed suit, then went on, "Apparently, Lieutenant-Commander Worf has worked rather hard with Starfleet to compile information in preparation for the day when other Klingons enter the Academy. I haven't looked over the information yet, but I plan to do that during the next two days, however, from what Seven's told me, the information focuses on how to balance the two ideals. If you'd prefer to look it over yourself, I understand, but she's very resourceful in these types of situations since she's had to adapt herself, and continues to do so every day…and she will always give you the unbiased answers you're looking for." The captain's voice grew meager on its own as she said, while she absently rubbed Torres' stomach, "Maybe she could help you with your code of honor? I'm sure she has detailed data on the Klingon culture and rules of conduct, and she's a very good person to bounce ideas off of…and if this is something you want her help with, I'm more than willing to let her assist you for the whole day if need be. Plus," she added seriously, "and this is for your own protection, Lanna, I think it's a wise idea to have someone on this ship that knows your code of honor…precisely…and since she never forgets information, she's probably the best choice, since I don't think it's something that you want to share with the crew…or do you?"

"No," Torres shook her head quickly. "It's none of their business, and like I said, there will be nothing in it out of the ordinary. I plan to be a Klingon, and to be respected as a Klingon, and the people on this ship went to the Academy, so they should know what they need to know…and I think they already know what I consider dishonorable and what I don't…and that's not going to change. I'm not suddenly going to become a different person." Sighing slightly, Torres rolled over so that she was facing the redhead and went on as she placed her hand on her hip, "I know that seems like a contradiction, but I've already been living as if I've had honor and cared about it since my dream…I've been working up to this for a long time now, and even more lately. Tomorrow just makes it official…it's the point of no return, but what happens, happens in me, not around me. Tomorrow is for me…for my own reasons…it's my fight, my battle…it's none of their business, and honestly, the only people on this ship that know that I have no real honor are the senior officers and some of the ex-Maquis. If there's going to be a change to be made, it will be with them…and we're close, and I know they'll all respect and support me." Leaning forward, she kissed Kathryn sweetly for a few minutes then whispered, "I just wanted to make sure you understood that there are some things that I won't be able to do anymore…not even for you, Kathryn…and I don't want you to feel like it's because I don't respect you as my captain or care about following your orders…there are just some things I can't let go, and that needs to be known up front."

"I understand," the captain replied, running her hand over the side of Torres' body, then dropping it to her back, pulling her closer, "and I'm not worried you're suddenly going to become a different person, and I agree, I don't think there will be any problems. Everyone respects you for you…for the amazing things you do to keep this ship running, and all the hats that you wear."

Kathryn inched forward again so she could kiss B'Elanna's lips, and when she lingered at them, Torres moaned softly, causing the captain to deepen the exchange as she slowly urged the brunette to recline so she could once again come to a rest on top of her and straddle her hips. Slowing the kiss down, taking her time since right now it felt as though she had all the time in the universe to devote to her engineer, Kathryn finally pulled away just enough so she could ask, "Do you want me to give Seven the day after tomorrow off…or no?"

"I think I'd rather make them myself, and then come see the both of you afterward," Torres whispered her response. Sighing softly, B'Elanna urged Janeway's head to her neck so she could hold her close as she said, "I don't want to screw this up, Red…I don't want to let this come between us because I didn't let you two be a part of it. I'm not worried you're going to leave me like my father left my mother…Seven's not like that and neither are you. You both care about this…I know you do…that's one reason I love you, especially you, because you care so damn much about everyone, more than anyone I've ever met, even Chakotay, but I don't want to shut you out and just say you can't understand it because you're not a Klingon. I want you and Seven to understand what it means to me now…why I'm doing this."

"Then that's what we'll do, darling," Janeway replied, then began slowly kissing Torres' neck and chin while she asked, "I'm assuming though you plan to make it known that you do consider yourself a Klingon in your professional life as well?" Moving her kisses to B'Elanna's face as she pushed herself up slightly, the captain asked while she planted soft kisses on the Klingon's ridged forehead, and Torres' slightly rough hands moved to her rib cage, "How do you want to go about that?"

"Well, " the engineer replied while Kathryn migrated to the other side of her neck, brought her left hand up to her cheek, and lovingly grazed her thumb across the bone structure, "if I pass the tests tomorrow, at the end of the ritual, I'll be presented with a shield that has my mother's name on it…and I'd like to wear that as part of my uniform." Before Kathryn could say anything, she informed, "I did some research of my own, and I know that Worf was allowed to wear his shield over his uniform…it's sort of like the Bajoran earring that Garen wears, and I made sure it doesn't go against protocol. I think that will make it clear that I have Klingon values and honor." When Janeway didn't say anything, but continued to pay her neck a great deal of attention, Torres asked, "Is that okay with you?"

"Mmmhmm," Janeway smiled as she nodded, still nuzzling B'Elanna's neck, already imagining her engineer wearing the thick, meshed silver sash across her chest with pride, and falling completely in love with the image instantly. "I think that's perfect for you." At her ear, she whispered, "And I think you'll make your mother very proud."

"I hope so," B'Elanna sighed almost inaudibly. When Janeway pushed herself up at that and looked at her slightly concerned, Torres explained, "I hope she sees that this is the most I can do, and I hope she accepts that and respects it." Rolling them over, the brunette settled on top of Kathryn and went on, "I'm doing this for a lot of reasons. I'm doing this because I..." exhaling, and pushing through her fear, "because I wanna feel like a whole person. I want to have something that means something to me like Starfleet means to you…like what Chakotay's culture means to him…I want that for me…and to pass on if we ever want to have kids." Shaking her head, Torres said, "I know that sounds out of the blue…but I think about those things. I'm also doing this because I don't want my mother to be dishonored, or think I'm a disgrace. I want her to know I haven't abandoned her…and that I love her." Sighing, Torres pressed her head into the captain's shoulder, kissed it softly and said, "But I love you, Red…and I want to honor you too…and Seven…and," she sighed again, "even my father. I don't want to turn away from my humanity either…I want my legacy to be both." Rising up again, she announced softly, "I think it's the only way I'll figure this all out …the only way I'll figure me out."

The chief shook her head from side to side slowly and informed, "Kathryn, you have no idea the kind of things that go through my heads sometimes. It's like night and day…it's really crazy shit…and confusing…and it doesn't make sense sometimes. One second I want to cry like a baby and the next I want to punch someone in the face…and sometimes I get really angry at that because there's nothing I can do about it…that's just the way it is." Sighing as Kathryn pulled her down, held her close and kissed her neck while she stroked her back, the Klingon said, "And I know its always going to be like that, but I also know that its as bad as it is with me because I been such an idiot," she turned angry fairly quickly, but kept her voice quiet, even if it was laced with acid, "about my Klingon side, and never tried to understand it…and I want to understand it now, and I want to not hate half of me." Supremely quiet as tears welled into her eyes, she buried her face into the pillow next to the captain's ear and cried, "I don't want to hate myself anymore. I'm tired of doing that…I don't want to be a disgrace to anyone."

Kathryn Janeway was a much different person than B'Elanna Torres. That was one of the things that drew them together because they were each so intrigued by the other, but in this one aspect, the captain knew how wretched of a feeling it was to believe that you were a disgrace. The engineer had battled that feeling ever since she left home and joined Starfleet Academy and the captain knew that feeling ever since she watched her father and fiancé drown because she had tried to save them both, rather than just one, and ended up running out of time to save either of them. This particular demon was as relentless as they came, and it constantly hounded and nipped at their souls…and both of them knew, without saying, that if they didn't figure out a way to get over their trauma, they'd end up being swallowed whole and taken to a place of which they'd never find their way out.

Nodding as she sniffled, Janeway whispered, "I know, sweetheart…I know…and you're not a disgrace to me, Lanna…not to me, certainly not to Seven, she just adores you. You're not a disgrace to anyone on this ship…not to this family." She sighed and continued, sniffling again, "I know that doesn't change your past, but don't forget all the good you've done here. You've become so much, darling…so important…you're so important to this family." Kissing her neck again with more vigor, she said, "You're so important to the captain…she needs you so much, Lanna." Moving onto her mouth as she rolled them over again, she said against her lips before she started kissing her with the all the gusto of a Klingon warrior, "You're so important to me, Lanna…you're so important to me."

Straddling B'Elanna's bottom as the engineer laid on her stomach with her arms tucked under the pillows of the bed, Kathryn asked while she chuckled lightly and continued to gently scratch Torres' back, being mindful of the five small blisters where the engineer had been burned yesterday, not asking how she'd been injured, since she had a pretty good idea it was during their work on the relay system, and furthermore not asking why she didn't go to Sickbay since the thin, long, white scar that she'd caused continued to remind her that B'Elanna wore her injuries and any imperfections they caused as warriors' battle scars, "Well that was awfully rude of him...what did you say to him after that?"

Torres grinned fairly wickedly as she snickered, and informed, keeping her eyes closed as her face was turned to the side so she could speak clearly and tell Kathryn some of her favorite stories from her 'days of thunder' with the Maquis, both of them needing a small break from the serious conversation, which they had fallen into a little more than an hour ago after Kathryn, this time, had made love to her, "I walked up to him and said…and I quote, 'Fuck this, fuck you, and fuck off,' then I punched him in the face, grabbed my stuff and left."

Covering her mouth as she cackled rather loudly, her body feeling warm and pliable now that she'd turned up the environmentals in her cabin to match Torres', and after they'd engaged in 'non-reproductive, recreational copulation,' as Seven of Nine liked to refer to sex when she was attempting to be 'witty' in her own, small, perfection driven way, Janeway allowed, "You didn't really hit him…did you?" When Torres nodded, Kathryn snorted softly, then remarked as she moved her hands to B'Elanna's neck and started rubbing her muscles, "He never told me anything about that."

Torres barked once in laughter and said, "Ha! Red, I don't think the old man wants anyone to know that I knocked him on his ass…he might be Mister Nice Guy now, but he's still supposed to be tough." Looking over her shoulder, she added, "And I know it's hard for you to imagine, but Chakotay's put a few people on the deck before too…some of them are still on this ship. He popped Dolby once right in the Mess Hall," she finished quiet since the man she was speaking of was deceased, "but that was a long time ago."

"Well, all things considering, including the number you did on Mister Carey's nose…I don't think he has to worry about people thinking poorly of him." Changing the subject back to B'Elanna, since she didn't like to discuss lost crewmembers because that typically sent her into a downward spiral of self-loathing depression, "So how did you end up back together?"

"He was impressed enough with my engineering skills, and since the Maquis prefer to settle their differences the old-fashioned way," she said pulling out her hand and producing her lethal fist, "and I was always good at that form of communication, he came after me and offered me a spot on his bucket of bolts." Shrugging, B'Elanna said, "I didn't have any better offers, and the Maquis was the place to be if you were angry at the universe and were looking for trouble…and even though I decked him, I thought he was alright…so I joined his squad, broke a few more noses…but that ship never ran better." Torres smiled as she reported, "That baby was all mine…I practically slept in the engine room." Laughing again, she informed, "And that's why I take my tools with me wherever I go…because one, in the Maquis, you really couldn't trust anyone, it just wasn't smart since as you and Tuvok know, there were spies among us, and two, you always had to be prepared for anything…and some habits just die hard, I guess." After a few beats while Janeway agreed wholeheartedly, she went on, "We'd get intelligence while we were on our way to one meeting, and have to change course and join an ambush party or whatever…and there was no time for repairs. That ship had to work, or we died…end of story…there was no time to fu," she amended quickly, "screw around." Opening her eyes as Kathryn grew quiet, but not pensive and continued to massage her back, B'Elanna said, "You know, I never really thought about it until now, but it's really not that much different out here. I mean," she added, hoping she wasn't offending, simply because she assumed Kathryn hated the Maquis, but had learned to move past that, "don't get me wrong…it's better…a lot better, but it has the same all or nothing, be ready for anything and everything feeling." Snickering again, she added, "Maybe that's why I didn't do you like I did Chakotay when I first met you...although you never were rude...you were...well, just...you."

Leaning down, Kathryn nipped the back of Torres' neck, then whispered, "Oh, I'm sure you wanted to, tool-pusher." Speaking seductively, even though the subject matter wasn't typically conducive to such an event, although as both of them knew, love and hate often went rather well together, she continued as she kissed Torres' neck, "And the daggers you used to shoot me…mmmhmm…then," she changed her tone again until it was light and airy, "then you just stopped…and that's when I thought you were going to kill me." Janeway pressed her chest to Torres' back, the move acutely sexual since somehow, whenever she thought about the differences they fought through that brought them to where they were now always turned the good captain on, even when she'd already engaged in several hours of passionate coupling, and asked as the Klingon growled low in her throat while she smiled, "Why did you stop giving me the evil-eye, hmm?"

Turning over slowly so as to not upset the body on top of her, B'Elanna answered, grinning as she placed her hands on the captain's hips when the redhead settled back down, then raised her left thigh and urged Kathryn to press against it, "I witnessed my very first Captain Cowgirl moment."

Kathryn hummed just slightly when Torres pushed her back into her thigh, then asked, somewhat breathless after she bit her bottom lip while her lover continued to command her with her strong hands to move against her leg languidly, which Janeway couldn't resist since she was continually slick with moisture after their titillating 'meeting' in the engineer's office, "What…mmm…moment was that?" Then closing her eyes and shuddering just lightly, she whispered as B'Elanna growled again, only louder this time, "Lanna…mmmgod, you make me so crazy when you do that."

"When you hustled Chakotay at the pool table," Torres informed quickly and in a relatively deadpan voice as she moved one of her hands to Janeway's back and gently requested that the redhead come to a rest against her chest rather than hold herself up. After Kathryn complied, her head now just underneath Torres' chin since the engineer continued to keep her lover pushed down against her elevated limb, B'Elanna questioned in a deeper, raspy whisper as Janeway started kissing her upper chest, "What makes you crazy, cowgirl?"

Climbing up to B'Elanna's throat, reaching behind her and hooking one of her hands on Torres' upper thigh as best she could to urge her to compensate for the slight change in position, which caused the Klingon to snarl again and press Janeway's hips down more as she lifted her leg into them simultaneously, Kathryn swallowed as her breath caught once when her lover commanded her hips to move just a tad bit faster, then answered, "That…that sound you make." Biting Torres' throat fairly smartly, which produced another of the erotic sounds, the captain added before she started licking the area she'd gnawed, "I like that sound…mmm…it's very sexy…"

Torres chortled in her reply, "Red, I love you…you crack me up."

Pushing herself up and smiling, Kathryn rubbed her nose against Torres' as she asked, "I love you too...and why's that funny?"

B'Elanna rolled them over again then said as the redhead purred her appreciation for the position change into her neck as she started kissing her again, "Because you're the one that makes all the…Kahless," she inhaled as Kathryn hummed into her ear as she racked her nails over the Klingon's sensitive back while she arched as much as she was able to press her chest into the brunette's fuller bosom, and was unable to finished her sentence.

Kathryn laughed throatily and seductive, then responded into B'Elanna's shoulder as she pressed her lips to it lightly, but continued to scratch Torres' back, although lighter this time, "I had no idea I made all the Kahless." Coy and witty, she added in the next beat, "I wonder how that one slipped past me?"

Snorting, the engineer laughed, then pulled back and asked once Kathryn's radiant, smiling face was looking into her own, not trying to amend her vocabulary for the captain's sake as she normally did, except for when they were engaged in rowdy sex, and then it was pretty much anything goes at that point since she knew that if worked into enough of a lather, whether it be due to anger or excitement, the dignified captain could impress even a Klingon with her swearing, "How the fuck do you do that?"

Feeling playful, the captain came back as if the sentence was something she said all the time, which it was not, "How the fuck do I do what, love?"

"There! That!" B'Elanna smiled, slightly shocked since Janeway didn't seem like she was wrapped up enough in a moment to speak such a word, but then hit herself upside the head in her mind, and reminded herself, yet again, to stop being surprised by anything this woman said or did. "How do you do that…really, Red…how do you always know the perfect thing to say?"

"I'm talented," Kathryn shot back the Klingon's favorite answer, right on cue. "Now kiss me."

Back in the bathtub after Torres kissed her with commanding, yet incredibly devoted and loving skill until she honestly felt faint, although this time they brought a few more accessories to the ensuite, Kathryn asked as she once again straddled B'Elanna's lap and gently swirled a fairly large glass of her favorite red wine in her hand, dipping deep into her ration allotment to replicate a whole bottle since she was plum out of wine, and she typically liked to keep at least one bottle handy, and the tray of finger foods they were nibbling on as they feed each other between kisses, "So," she sampled the crimson libation, rolled it around in her mouth and then swallowed, changing the subject off they're blonde lover for a while, not because she didn't love talking about Seven, quite the opposite was true, but because she wasn't sure there wasn't anything else B'Elanna needed to talk about and was avoiding by continuing to go on and on about how amazing Seven was, which completely endeared Janeway since it was quite obvious how taken with the Borg Torres was, "what's the plan tomorrow? What are you going to do…or can't you talk about it?"

Torres turned up one corner of her cheek, then replied after sipping her own glass of wine, never having been much of a wine drinker, but liking this particular one quite a bit and recognizing it as the same one Janeway had brought with them on their short-lived camping trip, "Well, I'm going to start pretty early. After you go to the Bridge, I'll probably do some light exercising just to loosen up, then I'll put on my suit and go to the Mess Hall. Neelix is making blood pie for me," she chuckled slightly. When Janeway smiled, then chewed delicately on a pot sticker, Torres went on after she took another sip, then accepted the rest of the captain's morsel eagerly into her mouth, "Then after that, I'll go to the holodeck." Fairly excited she reported, "That's pretty much all I worked on in my quarters when I was on the Alaxiat. There are already some pretty good Klingon programs in the database, so I used those and some characters from the program Tom built for me. I programmed a test 'Klingon' and ran through the beginning the other night to make sure it was working okay and all of the details were accurate…from what I know of them, but I don't know everything that will happen...and I think that's how it should be." Shaking her head slightly and laughing softly to herself, she remarked, "It was sort of strange pouring over all of that material…I felt like I was back in the Klingon monastery my mother sent me to."

Setting down her glass and placing her hands on Kathryn's hips while the redhead sipped her wine and listened to her, then politely interrupted her again to feed her another piece of food, B'Elanna went on once she'd chewed it down, thinking eating in the bathtub was rather nice…"weird, but nice." "Anyway, it's good, Red," she smiled, "it's real good…and I'd like to keep it. I know it's a big program, but I'd like to keep it so I can use it every year."

"That's fine, darling," Kathryn answered, leaning forward and kissing Torres' lips smartly as she smiled. "I want you to have something you can enjoy every year." Clasping B'Elanna's chin, she included, "That's the very least I can do, Lanna…so don't worry about it. You deserve to express your culture just as much as anyone else, and," she raised her eyebrows as she sat back up, "if storage becomes an issue, then we can always delete the Captain Proton program." Smiling crookedly, she said, "I think that one's caused enough mischief already…thank you very much." Then waving her finger, she added, "And I've got a couple of holonovels I don't play anymore that we can delete too."

"How come you never run the DaVinci program anymore…you were always so...I don't know...you...after coming out of there?" asked Torres, picking up her wine again, not sure why she thought of that just now, but seeing as how they were just talking, she didn't think much of it.

"Well," Kathryn sighed, "after that whole incident when our computer core was stolen, and he was downloaded into the Doctor's emitter, and he got to create all of those wonderful things while he was 'free', he said he was going off to Florence to tell everyone of the 'New World' and well," Janeway looked down, feeling rather silly for having such a soft spot in her heart for a hologram who didn't really even have a life, "I just didn't have the heart to reprogram him and erase the memories…so I just let him go." Then looking up and rolling her eyes at herself as Torres rubbed her thumbs on her hips in support and understanding, Kathryn said, "Anyway, we're not talking about me…we're talking about you. So, what happens after the ritual?"

"Normally there's a big family party, but…I just want to go back to my place and think," shrugging again, she informed, "and maybe write a personal log…sort of…reflect," she rolled her eyes. "I'm not trying to keep you all out of it on purpose, so don't take it that way, but this has been a 'battle' I've fought my whole life, it seems…so I'd like to keep it private." After Kathryn nodded and plopped another piece of cheese into her mouth, B'Elanna's chewed, then asked, "Are you okay with that?"

"Yes," Janeway responded softly, leaning forward again and kissing her brunette lover sweetly for a moment. "I understand perfectly, but," sitting back up and snatching up her wineglass, "if you want to come over, for whatever reason, please don't feel like you can't or you shouldn't just because that's what you think you want right now…alright?"

Torres nodded easily at that, thinking that was fair and probably a good backup plan since she really did have no idea how she'd react if she was successful and made it through the grueling challenges. She knew how'd she react if she was not, but she didn't want to think about that right now since it would no doubt ruin the mood…big time. "Okay…I'll come over if I want to…I promise." Then clearing her throat, starting to feel a little nervous again, and wanting to lighten the mood by continuing to talk positively, she went on, "After that, I think I'll just sleep…if I'm able…and then the next day, like I said, I'll rest and write my code of honor. I've been thinking about that a lot the last couple of days…so it shouldn't take too long, and then I'll come over here for the rest of the night."

"After everything's all said and done," Kathryn asked after she sipped the last of her glass of wine and set the fragile, crystal stem down carefully on the ledge near where several candles continued to burn, producing the romantic lighting they were enveloped in, "do you want to have a celebration…even a small one…or no?"

"Let me think about it," Torres replied. "I'm not sure yet how I'll feel…I've never done this before…but I'll let you know if I'd like to do that." When the captain nodded again and said, "Okay, then leave it to you," B'Elanna set her glass down, then reclined farther back into the water, and pulled the captain's body closer to her as she asked, "What time is it anyhow?"

"I don't know," Janeway smirked as she leaned in and braced herself over Torres, "and I don't care…why do you ask?"

Smiling her famous grin, Torres announced after she unabashedly racked her eyes over the part of Kathryn's body that was exposed, and not covered in bubbles, "I was just curious so I knew how much time I had left to play with the captain before her bedtime."

"Oh, I see," Janeway came back flirting, not missing the long lingering glance in the least, being instantly excited by it, and wondering if she was possibly going mad since it felt like all they had done all night was make love, and she still felt highly amorous, fairly energetic, although that was dwindling, and but still very much aroused. "Well, the captain already went to bed a few hours ago…so I wouldn't worry about it if I were you." Dipping her head and rubbing B'Elanna's nose with her own as the Klingon brought up one of her hands to her breast, the redhead whispered, "Don't tell anyone, but she was rather pooped from the last day and a half…so I ordered her to bed so I could continue to play without her bothering me."

As Torres chuckled, then brought her other hand to the redhead's free breast and began kneading them both slowly, Janeway once again brought her lips into contact with B'Elanna's and kissed her lovingly, and not completely passionate since the movement of the engineer's hands was soft and kind, although mildly distracting because Kathryn enjoyed being touched in such a manner probably more than both of her lover's combined, she surmised.

When Torres purposefully increased the pressure and beat of her fondling after a few moments, and Janeway whimpered, then had to disengage from her lips as her pulse began to quicken, B'Elanna asked quietly when Kathryn rested her head against her forehead and continued to kiss the side of her nose every few seconds between her utterly soft, high-pitched, involuntary sounds, "Have you ever climaxed just from this?" B'Elanna had never done so herself, although she'd been pretty close last night with Seven of Nine, and since she knew this area of the captain's anatomy was highly sensitive to her, and she always seemed to enjoy this treatment almost more than anything else, depending on the situation and her mood, the engineer had a pretty good sense that if she hadn't done so before, it was simply because no one had ever tended to her long enough to allow for that.

"Yessss," Kathryn hissed, although softly as she started to tremble very mildly, then inhaled deeply when B'Elanna growled low at the response, both the answer and the execution, and started focusing one of her hands on her small, rosy brown nipples. Licking her lips slightly, she whispered, "Just once…hmmmmmthat's so nice, Lanna."

"With Seven?" she asked, since she knew how focused the blonde could be.

"Mmmntmm," the redhead answered, shaking her head slightly. "She won't…mmm…um…she won't use both of her hands on me like this." Kissing B'Elanna's cheek softly, and trying to steady herself, she added, "She's too afraid she'll hurt mmmme…ohgod…that's so good what you're doing."

Wanting to keep the captain talking, and honestly interested, since Kathryn never talked about her past lovers with her, although she did mention Mark Johnson's name from time to time, but never while they were together in this manner, and usually only spoke of him in stories about their friendship, B'Elanna queried, "So who was it?" as she used more pressure, and paid careful attention to Janeway's reaction for fear that she'd hurt her.

"Julieeee," Kathryn breathed again, as she moved her head to the side of B'Elanna's face so she could drop her other arm to her shoulder and squeeze gently back in ecstasy and appreciation. Swallowing, she mumbled before she lost her ability to talk coherently, "She was the only other…ohyes…that's nice…ummmwomanI'vebeenwith." Then inhaling again, Kathryn gasped, "Lanna….please…talktome."

After growling low in her throat right next to Kathryn's neck which caused the older woman to whimper again and cling to her tighter as she body began to slowly undulate against her of its own accord, Torres said, knowing exactly how to talk to Janeway to stimulate her, even though such a request had never been made, "Mmm, cowgirl….I love watching you do this." When Janeway moaned softly then quietly asked her to use more pressure, B'Elanna complied, now kneading the captain's modest swells with both hands again and manipulating her flesh fairly rhythmically, trying to match to movement of Kathryn's hips that where just slightly moving forward, then back in the water, and went on, "I love to watch you work, Red…I always wanna know how it feels to be you."

Her voice but a whisper in the electric air, Kathryn explained as best she could at the moment since her brain was officially being turned to mush, as was often the case for the intrepid captain whenever she was with either, or both of her lovers…especially both, "Oh, darling…it feels so good right now…hmmmm…yesitdoes…sonice."

"I want to know how it feels to use your hands." Growling again when Janeway whimpered, shuttered once and requested, "Ohyes Lanna…please...Ilovethissss," as her hand on her shoulder started to tighten around her rounded edge, she informed, "I love your hands, baby…I love your bones and your wrists…mmm…I just wanna know how you work, Red…I wanna know how to make you work perfectly all the time." Biting her neck softly, which caused the captain, who looked to be growing close to climax, although was remaining fairly quiet except for her small sounds of pleasure, to jerk once, she added, "And I wanna know how to fix you when you're broken." Snarling some as her lover's nails started to dig lightly into her skin, Torres rattled, "Jesus woman….I love to fix you."

"Yes, Lanna!" Kathryn cried, all of the sudden finding her voice and unable to stop its crack, since whenever B'Elanna snarled the words 'Jesus woman,' the event attacked some part of Kathryn that she didn't even know existed until B'Elanna Torres made love to her for the first time, and she lost all ability to reason. Then as quickly as her vocals had erupted, they subdued again while her senses spun out of control, and she could only whisper again, "Lanna…Lanna…Lanna…"

As Kathryn called out her name a series of times as she started to shake and twitch uncontrollably, then snapped her head back toward the ceiling and arched into her palms, holding onto both of her shoulders fiercely while she gasped the engineer's name again without breathe, and climaxed, the quick surge of her hips sloshing the water, B'Elanna watched, entranced and bewitched for a second, and then smiled as the captain's chest and neck flushed a slight crimson while she continued to arch, pressing forward again in a final quick surge, then relaxed almost immediately, limp, and finally slumped against her, resting her head again next to hers.

Talking her hands away from her chest that was now red due to her ministrations and rubbing her finely boned back, focusing on her spinal column and ribcage, Torres said once Janeway started to breath more steadily and kissed her neck softly, "Mmm…I liked that, cowgirl." Kissing her shoulder, she whispered, "You're so beautiful, Kathryn…you have no idea how beautiful you are when you work." Moving her light pecks to her neck, she added, while Kathryn mumbled I love yous, "I'll never get tired of fixing you, baby…you have no idea how much I love watching you do that…you're so amazing, Red…you're so amazing to me."

"Lanna…" Janeway started after a few more minutes, once she was certain she hadn't suddenly died or become paralyzed and could feel all of her body again.

"What?"

Whispering, she requested, "Can I tell you something that remains just between us…"

"You can tell me anything, cowgirl…"

Kissing her neck softly, Janeway said, "I think perhaps Tom Paris is the stupidest man alive…because you're the best lover I've ever had." Kathryn nuzzled her neck with her nose and forehead, sighing blissfully as her body continued to tingle and tremble from her 'mechanics' tinkering, and added, "You're the one that's amazing," planting butterfly kisses on her neck again, "you have no idea what you do to me, darling."

Torres smiled brightly with the joy of love dancing all over her mind and across her lips…twinkling in her warm eyes, supremely flattered yet again by one of the redhead's confessions, wondering secretly what else she would tell her in the bathtub, but informed, "Well, Tom's not the sharpest prick in the box…but," turning more serious, "I've never been like this with anyone else, Kathryn." Pulling Janeway's face over to her, she smiled and said before she kissed her like she was a solider heading off to war, "You and me…we fit…"

"The time is 0700 hours," informed Voyager's computer as it simultaneously raised the lights in the dimmed quarters that were previously only illuminated by the faint starlight that bled through the large, bay windows of the captain's quarters.

As she began to inhale, the natural frown on her tanned, etched due to her heritage, face turned into a grin as she caught a whiff of the spicy scented hair that her face was nuzzled into, recognizing the enticing aroma immediately. As her senses zinged back to life while the body she was embracing began to lightly stir, B'Elanna Torres, daughter of Miral mumbled as she gently squeezed the soft mass that her palm was surrounding, and bent her other arm at the elbow that was slipped under the neck of her lover, wrapped it around to her shoulder and pulled the warm body back toward her lightly, "Red, please let me kill the computer…" While the captain purred and wished her an 'honored' morning in a extremely gravelly voice, B'Elanna moved her hand away from Kathryn's bosom long enough to clear the hair from her targeted area before she wound her fingers around her softness again and started kissing the tender flesh of Kathryn's graceful neck.

When Torres moved her hand away from her breast, started rubbing her stomach, then chuckled lightly into her ear, Kathryn brought her palm to B'Elanna's, rubbed the tan skin on the top of her hand and guessed, since she'd noticed the brunette's reaction to her even trimmer figure one evening after they'd spent almost an entire week without sleeping together a little over a month ago due to a small series of personnel and technical issues that kept them on opposite schedules, "You miss my stomach, don't you?" Torres hadn't looked displeased by the captain's more muscled stomach, not in the least, and it certainly hadn't happened overnight, although she'd spent a great deal of time that week working out strenuously with Seven, and on her own, to battle the stress and to keep her temper in check, but she had noticed her slight double-take that evening, and had made note that since then B'Elanna didn't rub her abdomen nearly as much as she used to, which Kathryn had to admit she found cute, considering she rubbed B'Elanna's all the time, and it was in appreciation for its firmness, not its softness, as was the case for the brunette. She'd never asked her before because she didn't think it was of any importance since B'Elanna was clearly still very attracted to her, and she really hadn't changed all that much; she had just shed a few grams of body fat and replaced them with muscle, which still wasn't anything that would strike fear into most adults, but it was a needed change for her to be able to keep up with not only the changes in her personal life, but the Elite Force, which she enjoyed playing a major part in and continued to do so, especially after the success of the away mission where they had really made a hell of a team, in her not-so-humble opinion, and, of course, the addition of the Alaxiat which totally complicated matters, even it was a welcomed occurrence.

Since the captain's voice was light and had no hint of anything other than humor and endearment, B'Elanna answered completely truthfully, chuckling at herself again, although not because she was acting out of habit and forgot Kathryn's slightly rounded belly of the past was no longer present, "I always thought it was nice." When Kathryn chortled back and patted her hand in a manner that said, "I love you, darling…get over it," B'Elanna nipped Janeway's earlobe, then said, "But as long as you keep wearing that red bikini…I won't bitch." Then kissing Janeway's neck more passionately which made the captain purr again and tilt her head to give her better access, the engineer murmured into her flesh, "I just like soft things to touch," bringing her hand back to Kathryn's breast, "but you've got plenty of other soft things…so I'm not concerned."

The captain found it rather odd that Torres, who was as solid as a rock from head to toe, and was even more defined in some areas than Lieutenant Fowler because her musculature was naturally denser thanks to her Klingon mother, would prefer a less toned physique, but since she was an inherently slight human female specimen and would never be anywhere close to built like the brunette, even if all she did was workout and drink high-protein supplements, she certainly didn't balk at such a happenstance and realized that what B'Elanna had said to her last night before they got out of the bath and cuddled up in bed again was true: they fit.

For several reasons they fit. One of them being that Kathryn was completely taken with the brunette…everything about her excited the starship captain, even though they were completely different in their approach to almost everything. And every time she found herself alone with the feisty hybrid, and B'Elanna looked at her the way she'd looked at her in the Shuttle Bay, honestly, all Janeway could think about was feeling Torres' strong, but kind and loving hands on her body, be it through her uniform or on her bare flesh, she didn't care. They also fit because Torres preferred it when the captain submitted to the engineer's desire to touch and pretty much study the workings of her body--that thought always made Kathryn grin because B'Elanna just loved to figure out how things worked...and furthermore, how to make them work better--sometimes without requiring anything in return other than to see Janeway's pleasure unfold and receive the soft kisses she always got afterward, and Kathryn no longer fought or questioned her when that occurred. Now the captain just accepted the attention because she finally knew, although didn't entirely understand, that B'Elanna often got more pleasure in giving, and furthermore, Kathryn couldn't deny that not only did she love to receive that kind of devote attention, but there was something instinctually erotic to her about Torres' dominance in this aspect of their private life together…especially since Janeway was the boss during the majority of the hours in her life. While she was on this ship, it just couldn't be any other way…she was captain, and she was also a natural born leader, and couldn't help but assert herself in group settings.

As Janeway closed her eyes while biting her bottom lip, ignored the captain in her that was telling her she didn't have time to play this morning--since this was a very special day and she wanted to be close with B'Elanna for as long as humanly possible before she left her and started fretting all day long that her darling Lanna would be injured or somehow traumatized by the grueling ritual she was planning to partake in, since Kathryn knew that Torres could be a very sensitive woman underneath her brusque demeanor when anything Klingon was involved--and brought her hand to Torres' that was at the redhead's left breast, B'Elanna growled in the manner she now knew her captain truly enjoyed, when Kathryn hummed and started commanding the Klingon to increase the strength of her manipulation.

Cranking up the heat of their encounter fairly quickly since she knew that Janeway had to go to the Bridge today since she'd been away from it all day yesterday, and with Chakotay being gone, that put an awful lot of pressure on Tuvok, and especially Fowler, who was still new to her position, to fill her seemingly god-like shoes, B'Elanna asked after she bit Kathryn's exposed neck and sucked on the flesh for long enough time to leave a small mark, figuring she'd get a disapproving look for that move later, but honestly not caring since this was the Day of Honor and she was going to become a Klingon if it killed her, "Can I have you once more before I go?" She used the word have on purpose to inform that she didn't require attention, and honestly she didn't think it was a good idea because she knew she'd need all the strength she had to gain her honor, not to mention survive the defense of it.

Arching slightly as the Klingon's words and breath pebbled her now fevered skin, pressing her lower body back into B'Elanna's, Kathryn hissed, "Yessss."

Since all evening long yesterday, even though she'd made love to Janeway three different times, she hadn't penetrated her, B'Elanna asked after she moved her hand away from Kathryn's breast, but requested with her hands by holding Janeway's to it that the captain continue to touch her own chest, which B'Elanna had to admit was one of the most stimulating things she'd ever witnessed, and B'Elanna had seen a few exciting things in her day, "Do you want me inside?" She was sure she knew the answer since Kathryn enjoyed penetration and asked for it more than Seven and B'Elanna put together, and that was usually what she wanted whenever she pressed her lower body into her lover's in such a manner, but B'Elanna liked hearing Janeway speak when she was enraptured, so she did whatever she could sometimes to keep her talking.

Gasping just at the thought of feeling Torres push her fingers into her intimate opening and releasing the tension that was building there with each passing second, Janeway answered as B'Elanna began rubbing her hip and thigh languidly, "Please, Lanna..." When Torres growled into her neck, Janeway pressed her lower body back into B'Elanna's farther and whispered, shaky, "Love me like you do."

The chief pushed herself up enough to let Kathryn lie on her back, and when she came down to rest upon her, she wasn't surprised when Janeway latched onto her back and requested softly that she stay near her this morning, since whenever they had a 'special' moment--like the time they made love after Torres and Janeway had their first official appearance as a couple, even though most of the ship already knew they were involved in some way thanks to 'Seven of Nine's,' from the future, strange and cryptic visit--the captain always requested that the brunette stay close to her. B'Elanna slid off slightly to one side as she gently urged Kathryn's legs apart with her right thigh, and said as she nuzzled Janeway's neck and urged her to turn her head slightly so she could continue to kiss the captain's favorite spot, right below her ear, "Mmm...I love you, babygirl."

The captain was pretty certain a woman of her age and stature should balk, big time, at being called such a name, and she was equally certain that if someone had told her four months ago that one day B'Elanna Torres, of all the people, would not only be calling her that name, but that she'd find it so completely romantic, comforting, and enchantingly humorous that it would make her smile like she was smiling now, she'd have barked once in laughter, then kicked them right our of her office, or wherever she was, and probably right off her ship too. But that's not what happened at all, and what was further more shocking to the captain inside of the woman, was that she wasn't surprised by her reaction since it seemed that there were definite changes occurring within her mind, and even though some of them, she felt, were akin to chipping away at an ancient brick wall with a plastic spoon, they were still happening.

Kathryn giggled Seven's soundless laugh, then responded, "Oh I love you, " faint through her grin, as Torres hand dropped to her thigh and started tickling her pale, fine and slightly freckled skin with her fingertips.

Torres didn't typically like to rush these moments with Janeway, even though they had on several occasions in the past since as B'Elanna said two days ago, on Voyager you had to get it while you could, and that was especially true with the captain since it seemed that someone always needed something from her, even more so now that Chakotay was away, but she did feel the need to move things along because even though she surmised Kathryn would not hurry her this morning, and simply take blame for being late to duty solely upon herself, she didn't want Janeway to have to start her duty off by apologizing for being tardy, something she rarely was. Slipping her right hand between Kathryn's thighs and testing out the extent of her lover's readiness with the lightest of touches which made the redhead's breath catch and latch onto back with her right arm that was wrapped around B'Elanna's body, holding her close to her chest, Torres' snarled her appreciation when the warm, not surprisingly plentiful moisture greeted her eager and familiar digits.

Truth be known, of all the women Torres had been with, and there had been more than she could count on both of her hands once through, she'd never encountered another human, Bajoran, Betaziod, Borg or otherwise who was consistently as wet as Kathryn Janeway. She'd never asked her if that had always been the case, and often wondered if it was part of her body's adaptation to regular sexual interaction after going so long without any, since she enjoyed the silky feeling, and not only did she not want to embarrass Janeway who could at times be rather private about a great many things, but she didn't want to seem presumptuous if her question came out like she figured it would, which would sound like she assumed that Janeway was only aroused to this extreme in her presence.

Torres highly doubted that honestly since not only was Seven of Nine a laudable lover and a living goddess, but B'Elanna did indeed know just how much Kathryn Janeway loved their tall, blonde Borg…she saw it in her eyes every time the ex-drone walked into the room, and Seven was the only person in the universe that Torres had ever seen Janeway with that could cause the captain to stare for long enough, despite the location, that someone could catch it if they paid attention, then blink, clear her throat softly and carry on quickly before she blushed. And despite what Janeway had said last night, B'Elanna Torres didn't really believe that Kathryn, if it came down to it, could stand to let Seven go…but B'Elanna knew, like she knew she was B'Elanna Torres, that such an event would never happen because if there was one person in the universe that was hopelessly, incurably and utterly devoted to someone, it was Seven of Nine, Tertiary Adjunct to Unimatrix 01, formerly Annika Hansen. The chief knew that she loved Kathryn with a trueness and a heavenly passion that could never be matched again in her life, but there was just something about how Seven loved Kathryn that made all of them seem meager in comparison…but she was Borg, and she was unique, so Torres just accepted it, and was duly pleased that the greatest love of her life had someone like Seven to worship her, as Torres believed she deserved.

Once she believed Janeway was properly ready since she'd spent the last few minutes caressing her intimate, velvet flesh until the redhead was panting lightly and now humbly begging B'Elanna to enter her, but without the pointed demand she often made, Torres pressed her chest to Kathryn and rumbled in her throat as she carefully pushed two fingers into the captain. When Janeway tensed immediately, whimpered, and turned her head so she could bury it into B'Elanna's neck and wavy, chocolate colored hair that was falling over her shoulder, B'Elanna kissed her neck and whispered, "You feel so good, Kathryn." When Janeway didn't say anything in response, which was abnormal, even if she was trying to be quiet, which there was no need for since not only had Torres added an extra sound-proofing panel to the captain's bedroom walls, but her next-door neighbor wasn't even on the ship, she asked quickly when she felt Kathryn's shoulders hitch just once and then detected a sound she knew was her trying to keep herself from weeping, "Are you okay?"

Kathryn didn't answer her verbally, but she did nod as she sniffled and tightened her grip on her back, pulling her forward still. At first B'Elanna didn't know how to proceed since Janeway had never cried before, during, or after making love with the Klingon, or when the threesome was together, which didn't happen as often as they would all wish since they were all important people aboard the ship and it was rare that they all were in the same location at the same time, and didn't just want to collapse into the bed and hold on to each other until they fell dead asleep, but Torres knew that such an event occurred rather often when the captain was with Seven of Nine from conversations she'd had with the sometimes incredibly sweet Borg. However, when it became apparent that Janeway didn't want her to stop or change anything about the way she typically made love to her, B'Elanna began kissing her lover's neck sweetly and softly, no longer feeling the instinctual need to growl for some reason she didn't really understand, but didn't try to fight or analyze at the moment, while she began slowly stroking the captain as she knew she liked.

After a few moments when it seemed Kathryn had stopped crying and began kissing her neck in the same manner as she was kissing her, and said once, supremely quiet, "Yes, Lanna…please, " Torres moderately increased the tempo and power of her movement, since such a phrase usually was a request to be more aggressive.

B'Elanna, in her day, had engaged in rough sex before, even with some of the women she'd been with, and although she and Kathryn could get rather athletic and enthused from time to time, especially when they had little time, or if some stressful event had happened during the day that involved both of them, she would not, could not ever be rough with Janeway or Seven of Nine, not that they ever wanted her to either. They simply meant too damn much to her, and any aggressive sex she'd engaged in before had been on one of many one night stands, or with someone she really didn't even like, just wanted to screw for some strange reason. So, when she became more aggressive with either of her lovers--especially with this one since even though Torres thought she was some kind of human dynamo, and completely unbreakable, part of B'Elanna, the part that would die for her in a heartbeat, considered her as fragile as a daffodil--it was only to the extent that she took control of their coupling, gave them what they needed to be fulfilled, but remained not only kind, but very, very careful. Torres wasn't real interested in dying any time soon, but she knew that if she ever hurt either of these woman during such a moment, she'd simply have to drive a knife into her own chest since such a dishonor, in her mind, could never be overcome or forgiven.

B'Elanna had never told anyone this, and nor did she ever plan to, but she'd been hurt once during consensual intercourse, with a man, and when he expressed zero remorse or didn't even attempt to pretend like he hadn't only used her for her body, which was fine for Torres as long as they were respectful, and didn't care how he treated her, then called her a series of insulting, vulgar names, the Klingon wild child, had not only jumped out of bed and busted his nose, she'd officially broken in the ceremonial knife her mother had given her by driving it into his chest as she pounced on him, and successfully defended her honor to the death for the first time, and not the last…all at the ripe old age of seventeen. She figured that event was one reason she wasn't all that fond of penetration and often kicked the few males lovers she had after that, including Tom Paris…although only once, right out of bed when they attempted to persuade her to 'relax and enjoy it,' even when she had said she wasn't in the mood for that.

When Janeway's hips starting rocking counter to the movement of her hand, and even though she was still being rather quiet for the captain, especially when she was being loved in this manner, and she started vocalizing her pleasure more, just speaking in a coarse whisper directly into Torres' ear, which always turned B'Elanna into one giant train wreck ready to happen, the carnal growl returned to the Klingon's 'repertoire', as she snarled, as usual, "Jesus woman…"

Laughing deep and low, almost gurgling as the saliva her body was producing to keep her mouth moist was trapped in her throat before she could swallow it down, the sound seductive and lustful as her overwhelming emotions ebbed for the moment, and she was suddenly having fun since she loved that particular phrase the more and more she heard it, Janeway responded after her sexy giggle, "Yes, darling…mmm…godLanna, you're so good." When B'Elanna growled just for a second before she bit her neck, then started sucking on the flesh as she increased her beat and abbreviated her stroke, Kathryn pressed her fingers into the muscles at the small of Torres' back, urging her on with her ministrations and her voice as she somewhat hissed, speaking louder and less submissive, "Yes, Lanna…faster…ohyes, godlikethat!"

When that caused B'Elanna to arch up and snarl her name loudly, her lips pulled back slightly over her teeth while she spoke mostly through them and in her throat, Janeway threw her other arm over her head, pressing it against the headboard since their movement was starting to force her closer to it with each passing few seconds, and cried out loudly, while she drove her hips into Torres' powerful hand, "Yes! Yes Lanna, I'm so close! Don't stop…ohgod I love you...please, don't stop!"

Staring down into Janeway's face, even though the redhead's eyes were closed as she pressed her head back into the mattress, the pillows long since been pushed aside, Torres requested, "Do it again, cowgirl…come for me " When Kathryn bit her bottom lip and nodded, whimpering as her narrow hips began bucking erratically and she bent her free leg that wasn't trapped under one of Torres' and used it to lift her lower body slightly off the mattress, B'Elanna smiled wantonly and announced, "Kahless, Kathryn…you're so sexy when you do that," then surged forward, pressing her fingers into her lover, held them inside and curled them up, which she knew would cause Janeway to climax immediately, but didn't attempt to kiss her for she wanted and needed to watch her favorite part, hoping the memory would assist her later on in the day when she required a reminder of why she needed to obtain honor, defend it and give her thanks to the gods for blessing her with this gift in her arms.

When Janeway's eyes flew open almost in shock and she arched up, yelling her name as she grabbed her and pulled the chief over her body and held her close in one move as she buried her face into her neck while she climaxed in a powerful, rushing wave of euphoria, Torres smiled again, and said, even though she'd said it many times before, "Mmm…I love to watch you do that."

Once she was certain Kathryn was as settled as she was going to be for a few moments, since the older woman typically trembled for sometimes up to a half hour after her release, B'Elanna tenderly retracted her hand, then gently rolled them over until her lover was resting on her chest once again. When Janeway's shoulders began to hitch again and she started to cry a second time into the crook of her neck, B'Elanna rubbed her back softly, but refrained from saying anything since she honestly didn't know what to say, and she knew Kathryn was weeping because she was overcome and happy, not because she was distressed or upset; comforting words seemed like they just didn't belong or should be uttered.

After a few moments when Kathryn started to still and only sniffle, Torres said, "I love you, KJ…I'll never forget this time you've given me." Hugging her tightly, she whispered, "I couldn't do this without you…none of it…not even close...I don't even think I'd want to."

Pushing herself up, Kathryn wiped her tears away with her shaky hands, then said simply while her misty, blue eyes swirled with a mosaic of emotion, "Qapla', Lanna."

Beaming practically as bright as the sun, her fears for her chief engineer's well being still present, but kindly being pushed aside for the time being, Janeway tucked her hair behind her ears while she took the starboard turbolift to the Bridge, and resisted the urge to pull up on her undershirt's collar to hide the pinkish red mark B'Elanna had left on her neck, feeling as though, on this day, "and this day only," it was dishonorable to either have it removed by the Doctor, or worse Tom Paris, or try to cover it up with make up and clothing. Such a blemish today marked her as the Klingon's territory, and she was not only perfectly comfortable with that designation today, but felt rather honored herself… "thank you very much." She was fairly certain Fowler would make some kind of wise crack about it, while in private, but she was captain, and she was always prepared…or at least, that was usually the plan.

So with that mindset, she pranced onto her Bridge, her body now fully recovered and no longer feeling as though her legs would buckle if she attempted to use them, twenty minutes late, "thank you very much, " not attempting to hide her bliss, even if it gave her recent activities away, and greeted brightly, "Good morning, all…Qapla'!" She added that part, and with emphasis, just so they all knew exactly who it was that had put her such a state, and didn't even consider apologizing for her tardiness or making an excuse...or paying any attention to the captain inside of her that was setting off red alert klaxons and pinning her with her own force ten stare while trying to get her attention and tell her to stop being such an "irresponsible, undignified, raving lunatic!"

Kathryn continued directly to her Ready Room and said as she trotted down the stairs, bouncing slightly, "Miss Fowler, a moment please."

Proceeding immediately to her workstation to login so a nutritional supplement would be replicated for her, having a little smile as she thought about Seven of Nine and wondered how her evening with her assistant had been, certain she'd hear all about it once Naomi reported for duty later today, she asked once she heard the pneumatic doors hiss open, "Want some coffee?" Normally, she'd request a status report first, but she figured it something was out of the ordinary, Fowler would tell her immediately, so she willfully neglected that practice and put her mind to staying as pleasant and positive for as long as possible before she began to fret about B'Elanna.

Since Nicole Fowler was a rather big fan of the beverage herself, she replied as she started toward the replicator while Janeway looked up from her workstation and smiled at her, "I'll get it, Captain." Taking out the supplement, and palming it as Kathryn skirted her desk and walked lightly toward her, she handed it over to the captain who accepted it eagerly and immediately began sipping it, since she was feeling rather depleted after last evening's and the morning's exertion, emotional and physical alike, Fowler remarked, blunt, after she requested two black coffees, knowing as long as they were alone, Janeway wouldn't take offense, "That freshly squeezed glow looks real nice on you, Miss Kate…have a good night?"

Slapping Fowler's shoulder as she sipped her beverage, not at all surprised, Janeway pulled the milky glass away and replied, "Actually, yes…I had a wonderful night…thank you for asking…Ensign." Then snickering, she thanked Nicole for the coffee, who laughed at the captain's joke, and went on as they made their way to the upper level and the comfort of the sofa, "I had a rather lovely morning as well…which I'm sure you already guessed. So, how was your evening…B'Elanna told me you were having dinner with Samantha?"

Fowler sat down fairly close to the captain and answered after she took a sip of the java, "Yea, she invited me over since Seven was going to be over too. It was nice…not as nice as yours, I'm sure. Although," she quirked the side of her cheek, "I felt like I was being watched the whole time by your girlfriend." When Janeway snickered and then nodded, able to picture Seven 'observing' Fowler's and Samantha's interaction, setting down her coffee for the moment to concentrate on her nourishment, the lieutenant added after they both took a few moments to drink readily, "But it was nice time."

"Well good, I'm glad," Kathryn smiled softly.

When Janeway reached over, set down her supplement which was almost gone now and snatched up her coffee, Fowler cleared her throat in slight nervousness, and questioned, "Uh," scratching the back of her neck, also a sign of her unease, "Captain?" Once Kathryn looked over at her and raised her eyebrows as she sipped her coffee, Fowler moved her scratching hand to her neck in hopes that the captain would understand what she was trying to point out, then muttered, "Um, that's showing."

Kathryn brought her hand to her neck, having forgotten that briefly in her good mood and the quick conversation about her friend's new 'relationship,' since she ordinarily never had to worry about such things as hickeys, then amended her movement, just rubbing it slightly, again stopping the natural urge to pull up her collar and said, "Oh right…yes, I know…but thank you anyway." Changing the subject fairly quickly, when Nicole looked at her with a mixture of surprise and curiosity, then seemed to figure it out and nodded quickly, twice, Janeway said, "Well, onto business…I've been thinking…"

Often times, those three words out of a captain's mouth were more dreaded by a first officer, even a temporary one, than, "Computer, initiate the self-destruct sequence."

"Qapla', B'Elanna!"

"Right…thanks," Torres replied, terse, not irritated at Neelix's attempts to make this day everything that she needed, but simply because the time had finally come for her to make the trip to Deck Seven, and into the holodeck, and onto the rest of her life...a life she never honestly ever would have imagined that she'd be living, or ever wanting to, for that matter. But there she was, dressed in the same, tradition Klingon warrior's outfit she'd worn on her away mission to Burnhouse, with her QIS tucked into her belt as she marched, with her fists balled and her jaw set squarely, down the hallway, moving quickly toward the turbolift with a definite glint of determination in her eyes as her wavy hair, that wasn't pulled back, flowed freely behind her in the agitated air that surrounded her.

Entering the carriage of the turbolift as the taste of the mushy, orange blood pie still lay heavily on her palate, Torres ignored the sickening taste as she barked, "Deck Seven!" since she knew that soon enough she'd be eating and drinking plenty of other Klingon 'delicacies' that would turn her stomach even more than it was already flip-flopping due to her anxiety and focus to ignore the unsettling thoughts that were attempting to distract her from her mission. Rolling her neck around twice as the lift whisked her down, and taking a series of deep breaths, flaring her nostrils and closing her eyes as she fought the fear in her being and let the inward battle begin to boil her blood, she snarled the ancient proverb as the lift came to a halt, "'IwlIj ghogh yIQoy (Listen to the voice of your blood)."

Grabbing the sides of the doors as they parted, Torres tore them open as her determination increased exponentially, and when she was greeted by two of Biometrics', wide-eyed officers that were waiting for the lift, she growled at the same moment she pushed through them, "vIH (Move!)." Shoving past them easily since they had started to part for her as soon as they'd seen the physical appearance of the chief engineer, and knew that on a normal day, she wasn't someone to mess with, B'Elanna stomped through the hallway, her sharptoed boots pounding out an erratic beat, as she swung her balled fists near her sides, bending her elbows just slightly, silently informing anyone that might happen to pass her to stay out of her way and not attempt to speak to her...or else.

When she approached the massive door of the main holodeck, the engineer quickly stepped up to the controls and located her program which was simply titled, Torres, Warrior. After selecting the program and entering her personal command authorization to activate it since the captain almost a month ago when she requested her time off, informed her that she had ordered that the main holodeck was completely off-limits to everyone else but Torres for the entire day, and furthermore that she would not lose any of her allotted holodeck time to engage in this ritual, the chief opened her mouth to speak to the computer when a red light began flashing on the top right-hand corner of the screen, which informed her that this station was being sent a priority message. Quirking her eyebrow in surprise, Torres tapped her finger to it, not really wanting to have anything to do with her duty to this ship at the moment, but since they'd had such problems on this deck, even if not on this circuit in the last few days, she figured she'd better check it out in case it looked like problems were cropping it up again. When the fairly small screen popped up and she saw from where it originated, Torres expelled the air from her lungs she hadn't realized she was holding, and mumbled, "Thanks, dollface..." as she read:

B'Elanna didn't bother sending a reply back since she had a feeling Seven had programmed the computer to produce the message as soon as the program was activated, since the Borg was primarily working in Engineering for the next two days to help Carey fill her shoes while she was away, and she idn't want to take the chance that someone other than Seven would receive the message. After she deleted it, B'Elanna took a quick look over her shoulder to make certain no one was in the vicinity and then said, somewhat quietly since she hadn't informed anyone of her intentions to make this a true ritual, and a true test of her courage, the Klingon way, not the Starfleet way, "Computer, disengaged safety protocols."

After a small series of beeps, the computer prompted, as it was programmed to do, "Warning: disengaging safety protocols presents extreme risk of injury."

"No fuckin' shit," Torres mumbled under her breath, then snapped, "Override," this series bringing her back to a time two years ago when she moved about like a lifeless zombie for months, and spent as much time as possible in the holodeck running all sorts of dangerous and somewhat disturbing simulations with the safety protocols off, since if she didn't feel pain, at that time, she didn't feel anything at all, and incurred injury after injury that she attempted to treat herself, until she was finally knocked unconscious during one of the simulations. Since then she'd stop trying to punish and hurt herself for a myriad of reasons, and had not once run a program without the safeties on at full, and even though she didn't want to have another moment in Sickbay with the captain like she'd had after Chakotay had rescued her broken body from the holodeck, anytime soon, this was different, and she felt it just needed to be this way.

B'Elanna did not want to die attempting to attain the status of a warrior, but no only didn't she want to have hollow honor by skidding through the rite with protocols that made certain she couldn't really be hurt, she wasn't certain she could take not being a success this time. No matter how much she wanted to go on and live her life now that it was filled with such hope and purpose, she knew she just didn't have it in her to take another disappointment of this magnitude and ever be able to look anyone in the eye again. She didn't like the thought of dying because she knew it would leave a rather large whole in this crew, not to mention in the hearts of her lovers and friends, but she had faith in her crew, knew Carey, or Seven could step up to the plate and succeed, and as far as her partners, well, at least they would still have each other. As long as they were never alone, she wasn't afraid to die...she was more afraid to live without honor...Klingon indeed.

"Acknowledged. Safety protocols have been disengaged."

After taking another final deep breath, she whispered as she stepped in front of the doors, "Don't fuck this up, Torres," while they parted for her...then beckoned her to face her greatest demons...alone, as was the Klingon way.

As soon as B'Elanna cleared the threshold, the large, steel doors closed behind her and disappeared leaving her standing at the front of an enormous, dark, torch lit room that she had created to look like a vaS'a' (Great Hall) set inside some kind of desolate mountain. The ground beneath her feet was rock hard, but lightly covered in a fine, grainy sand which allowed for better warfare mobility. The entrance, where she was currently standing was cavernous and showed no signs of technology on its craggy walls and low ceiling, but as she slowly proceeded forward on the torchy path that was approximately twenty meters long, she approached the center arena that consisted of more man-made architecture.

Stopping at the end of the path when the large, burly Klingon she'd given several physical qualities of Kahless, held up his hand, halting her approach from where he sat in a massive, smoky metal throne and presided over the ritual, B'Elanna set her shoulders and her jaw and waited, her fists still balled into tight spheres of angst, anger, determination and power. Just beyond her lay a narrow path she'd soon have to walk that was offset by two parallel, metal dais where six Klingons, three on each side, stood and glowered at her, each of them holding painstiks, which were something akin to old-fashioned, Terran cattle-prods, although packed much more of a painful punch when the tips were thrust at organic being. Just behind them lay another series of torches, and beyond the small barrier sat twenty other Klingons in graduated, similar metal rows, ten on each side, that were there to bear witness and challenge her heart once she made it past the painstiks and was required to express her deepest feelings before she attained her honor.

Torres knew she was pushing the envelope by completing the Rite of Ascension and then immediately beginning the Day of Honor ritual to defend the honor that she, hopefully, just attained, but her reasons ran as deep as the groves in a warrior's forehead, and she believed in them, and furthermore believed in herself. She wanted to prove right away that she cared about her honor and was willing to defend it to the death, and furthermore believed that such a quick defense was necessary to not only completely exorcise her demons and annihilate her fears, but to face the challenge of her past dishonor and atone for her sins in the only way she could think to...fight. And then she planned to walk away from the disgrace that was her former self and start anew as an honored warrior and a Starfleet officer.

"State your name!" bellowed the massive, greying Klingon she'd named Korax, standing up from where he sat as all of the eyes in the rocky cathedral turned onto the fairly small brunette with the soft ridges. Even though he was speaking in Federation Standard, his demeanor and no-nonsense approach was very much Klingon. Torres knew a fair amount of Klingon and could put together basic sentences, but it wasn't something she used everyday, and since she was also part human, she didn't believe it was necessary to learn all of the intricacies of the language before this ritual. She still planned to study, but there was only so much time in the day, and she decided to go with a mostly English ritual, except for the phrases she was required to speak at the beginning because not only could she not speak her deepest feelings in the language adequately, but she didn't want to worry about misinterpreting something. Since she wasn't wearing a communicator, she didn't have universal translator to assist her now and this was simply too important to trip her way through...and it generally wasn't a good idea to ask a Klingon to repeat him or herself.

Aggressive and looking downright mean, the chief spoke with emphasis, "B'Elanna Torres, daughter of Miral."

"Why have you come, Daughter of Miral? State your purpose!" Korax cracked crisply, placing his hand on his hip near his blade, showing that if she wanted, he wouldn't hesitate to fight her because it was widely known that Klingons fought to enrich their spirit and were never adverse to proving that maxim.

Rattling through her teeth, and lifting her fist, B'Elanna replied, "I'm here to become a warrior!" When half of the crowd sneered at her, some of them making note that her forehead was soft, thus she must be so as well, and Korax sat back down as he laughed heartily, snatching up his goblet of bloodwine. While most of the others looked on unenthused and spare few stood up and cheered, stomping their feet, wanting to witness such an event, Torres coiled slightly as she snarled at Korax, "You will allow the nenghep (Age of Ascension) to begin," ripping out her knife, "or I will cut your fat belly open and feed your guts to my teghbat!"

When the entire crowd jumped to their feet and rallied behind the little Klingon after her courageous threat, Korax stood again for a moment and snarled, "Then let it begin!" Turning to the crowd around him, he commanded, "yItamchoH (Become quiet!)."

Once the group became relatively silent and Korax took his seat again, B'Elanna stuffed her knife back into her belt, stood tall and announced, as was tradition, getting the enunciation and inflection down exactly as the words should be orated since she'd practiced this part, and this part only, more times than she could remember in the last month, "DaHjaj SuvwI''e' jIH (Today I am a warrior)...tIqwIj Sa'angnIS (I must show you my heart)...'Iw bIQtIqDaq jIjaH (I travel the river of blood)."

As she finished speaking and the murmuring in the crowd grew to a dull roar in anticipation, Korax commanded ominously, speaking the words that had haunted her dreams in the last week and always caused her to wake up tense and sweat-soaked, from where he perched just past the pathway that lead between the six Klingons that where firmly holding their painstiks at the ready, as their eyes grew wide in anticipation, "yIn DayajmeH 'oy' 'ISIQ (To understand life, endure pain). HIghoS (Come here!)."

B'Elanna forced the air from her lungs once, quickly, as she steeled herself for the practically unbearable agony she was about to experience, lifted her chin and started forward, walking through the valley...fearing no pain, whispering, "Mother, be with me..."

Drumming her fingers on the arm rest of her command chair, Captain Janeway resisted the urge to open the console to her left and run a full diagnostic of the holoprogram that she knew was underway on Deck Seven, or request that the computer give her a status on the loan individual utilizing the technologically astounding room. She'd left B'Elanna almost two hours ago, and after her fairly quick meeting with Lieutenant Fowler, who was currently making her daily rounds and checking up on each of her vessel's major departments, and a few less critical places just to make herself seen, she'd returned to the Bridge and took up her post as the center, all-powerful figure, and now was wishing she'd gone to check up on things rather than send her temporary first officer since waiting, while she could do nothing productive to hurry things along or pass the time, never sat very well with Voyager's redheaded matriarch, especially when someone she cared for as much as she cared for her chief engineer was involved in the situation. Kathryn Janeway just wasn't a woman who sat and waited for anything...under normal circumstances, but this was different and not only could she do nothing to hurry the ritual along, she couldn't intrude upon Torres' privacy whatsoever...so she was forced to sit and wait.

And it was killing her.

This waiting wasn't quite as ungodly as when she was forced to wait for the A.I. to show while Seven of Nine underwent an extremely complicated and risky procedure to remove her abdominal implant, but it was running a close second currently, and since she wouldn't even find out if B'Elanna was successful in attaining her honor, let alone alright until the brunette either contacted her or showed up at her quarters sometime tomorrow evening, Kathryn was fairly certain she'd be plucking at least twenty new grey hairs out of her head after this was all said an done.

It wasn't that Kathryn thought Torres couldn't get through the ritual and become a true Klingon warrior...the truth was very far removed from it actually; however, from what she knew of the Klingon culture, such a rite wouldn't be easy in any sense of the word since that simply went against everything it meant to be a Klingon. Klingons believed in the struggles and pain of life, they reveled in it and demanded to "bring it on," so to speak..."no pain, no gain"...the list of proverbs and maxims went on and on. That knowledge, on top of the fact that even though B'Elanna was as tough as they came, she wasn't fully Klingon and her physical body wasn't as dense and naturally prepared or able to recover and sustain such grueling and taxing events as a fully Klingon individual. Add on that Torres had spent her entire life, prior to the last year, practically spitting in the face of her Klingon heritage and doing just about everything in her power to pretend as though it didn't exist, even trying to hide her ridges when she was a young girl, truly made the starship captain worry for her mental health.

Kathryn wasn't concerned for her physical health beyond the fact that she knew she'd undoubtedly be experiencing pain and probably exhaustion due to that, but the captain knew Torres could handle it, and she also knew that at least in the holodeck, there was no concern for life-threatening injuries, and any minor injuries that were incurred could easily be treated by her medical staff, or heal themselves, as she figured Torres would demand. When that thought struck her as funny, Janeway had a quick moment of panic since B'Elanna had gone against protocol and disengaged the safeties before on several occasions, but she quickly reminded herself that that was a long time ago, and that Torres had been dangerously depressed at that time, and furthermore, that her lover had come a long, long way since then. However, after a few more moments, the thought still wouldn't leave her alone. She didn't believe Torres would purposefully try to hurt herself anymore, but she did know much better now just how very important this was to the woman, and furthermore, she understood that B'Elanna was determined to make this count...which continued to make her wonder if making it count, included making it real...completely real?

When her heart jumped into her throat and the blood began thundering in her ears as she realized that more than likely, that is exactly what B'Elanna had done, Kathryn jumped up from her chair and mumbled, "You have the Bridge, Commander, " as she marched to her Ready Room, needing to find out the answers for herself. If what she feared was happening, she didn't plan to stop it, but she did plan to be completely prepared for the worst at the first sign of trouble as best she could without violating Torres' privacy or dishonoring her. The captain knew that was going to be a delicate balance and she honestly hadn't thought she'd have to face this challenge so soon, but as her mind clicked away while she breezed into her office and started for her desk, she was certain she could figure it out...quickly.

Not bothering sitting down, Janeway leaned one arm on her shinny, ebony desk as she accessed her workstation. Quickly bringing up the holodeck systems, and accessing the log that was produced each time a program was initiated, Kathryn's eyes closed of their own accord as she head sank slightly and whispered, "Oh, Lanna..." when she saw the evidence of her fears. After staying in that position for a minute, the captain tapped her finger to her workstation again to escape out of the readout, then said as she slapped her communicator and started for her replicator, definitely needing a cup of coffee, "Janeway to Seven of Nine."

After a very brief pause, the voice of her Astrometrics officer came over the conn and replied, typically, although saving this particular greeting only for the captain, "I am here, Captain."

"Seven," Janeway started as she manually programmed the device to produce her beverage rather than ask for it verbally, "I need to speak with you privately for a moment...are you in Engineering?"

Understanding immediately what Kathryn was getting at, the Borg answered instead, anticipating the request, "I will utilize Lieutenant Torres' office...stand by." Once she was inside and closed the door, the Borg reported, "You may proceed."

"Seven," she began again, needing to keep this as professional as possible, "there are a few things that I need you to keep a close eye on for me...and keep quiet at the same time." When the ex-drone informed her that she would comply, even though she had no idea what that entailed yet, Janeway sighed and informed, "B'Elanna's running her program without the safety protocols...did you know that?"

"I did not," Seven came back immediately, her concern clear in her clipped reply.

"I'm not going to stop it or interfere," Kathryn went on, "because that's just not my place, but I do want to be prepared...just in case anything goes wrong." Coming back to her desk and sitting down in the chair carefully, she took a sip of her coffee, set it in her lap and spoke as she looked into the dark liquid, the color always reminding Janeway of Torres' eyes, now that she was fortunate enough to be able to gaze into them for long enough to make such comparisons, the captain ordered, "I want you to keep an eye on that program...make sure it's functioning properly and that nothing strange is happening...anything out of the ordinary, I want you to alert me immediately, understood?"

"I will comply."

Sighing again, Kathryn said softly, "I don't think there's anything else we can do." Shaking her head, even though Seven couldn't see her, she went on, "I don't think it's right for us to monitor her vital signs or anything of that nature...since I'm sure she'll be...taxed, to say the least and I think the less we know the better at this point. Is there anyway you can have the computer alert us if she becomes critically injured, without continually making a report...or do you think that's unwise as well?"

Far too concerned to take joy in the fact that the captain continued to come to her with delicate matters that involved the functioning of this ship and her personal life, and furthermore asked for her advise, and not just an ear to bend, Seven replied, honestly, slightly frustrated, which came out in her tone, "It is difficult to say, Kathryn. I can program the computer to inform us only if she incurs serious damage...however, I am not certain that is what B'Elanna Torres wishes. Since she is engaging in this ritual without the holodeck's safety protocols, we can assume that such an event means that she is willing to take the risk of perishing to obtain her honor. As you know, this is a not uncommon with Klingons. If we were to 'save' her in such a manner, without her requesting assistance, I am certain she would not 'like' it...'at all.' We could further damage her and her honor...and such an event could be difficult, if not impossible to overcome, considering how much this 'means' to her." Seven of Nine sighed heavily and finished in a softer voice, "I believe we should not interfere, Kathryn. We should honor her as she requires." Then added quickly in an attempt to ease the conflict she knew was going on in Janeway's head, especially since she'd remained quiet and hadn't offered an argument to the contrary...yet, "However, I do not believe monitoring the holodeck systems will have any significance, and if nothing 'out of the ordinary' occurs, she will 'never' know."

"You're right," Kathryn whispered, closing her eyes and leaning her head back into her chair, hating that, but knowing, as much as it was killing her, that she couldn't do anything more...at least not honorably so. "Alright, go ahead and start monitoring the program...and let me know when she's finished." Before Seven could protest, Janeway explained, "After she's done, I alone will request that the computer give me a reading on her vital signs...and no, I won't attempt to contact her...I just need to know for myself that she's okay." Frowning at her own weakness, she whispered again, "I just can't wait...I can't take it."

"I understand, Kathryn...as does B'Elanna Torres...of this, I am certain."

The captain smiled weakly as she replied, "Thank you, darling...I love you. Keep me informed. Janeway out." Then turning to her workstation, she decided that this was just a good as time any to start pouring over the information Commander Worf had compiled on Starfleet and Klingon duty and how to maintain both, since now was she not only finding it rather impossible to manage without feeling the need to pull her hair out, but she knew she was in no condition to go sit and pensively wait on her Bridge while her officers silently watched her come apart at the seams.

With sweat already beading up on her forehead, B'Elanna Torres arched her back again and howled out in excrutiating pain, closing her eyes tight as yet another painstik was jabbed ruthlessly into her back while she stumbled foreward, fighting the urge in her legs to buckle and bring her burning body to the rocky floor. As she screamed, then pried open her eyes when a split second of peace was allowed as she saw another electronic pole starting toward her shoulder, Torres flared her nostrils, locked her legs even though she was hunching slight and willed her heavy legs to take another step forward as she growled, "'oy'be'lu'chugh Qapbe'lu' (No pain, no gain!)."

As another painstik's tip was ignited into a bright, menacing red as it was thrust to her shoulder, Torres clenched her teeth as all of the viens in her neck and face bulged at her exertion and when she felt herself swaying backward as she twitched and snarled through her teeth, she shrieked at the top of her lungs, "NO!" then lunged foward, dragging her spiked boots with her and commanding them to stay under her weight. Locking eyes with the final Klingon who was glaring wildly as he manuevered his painstik toward her, B'Elanna's blood was boiling to extremes she'd never experienced before, so much that when she was hit with two more painstiks from the warriors she'd already passed, she hardly registered the event as she bounded for him. When he thrust the device to her abdomen, which caused her to double-over, the warrior in her took over on autopilot and once she made it forward enough to show that she'd endured enough pain, she whirled around as he relented for a moment, but then started the device toward her again.

Snatching the painstik out of his hand, Torres's hair, eyes and face wild with anger and excitement, she growled something incromprehensible at him, then cracked the device over her leg, busting it almost in two...leaving only each end connected by the wires that ran through the length of it. Throwing it down at his feet and placing her hand on her knife, she continued to stare him down as she breathed erratically, completely oblivious to the fact that the crowd around her was on its feet, stomping and cheering the soft ridged little warrior...and time seemed to come to almost a screetching halt, everything except her.

B'Elanna could feel her dual hearts beathing wildly against her chest, and she could feel her nostrils burning from their extended state while she took in large, deep breaths through them, and all of that seemed to be occuring in real time, but the chaotic scene around her was moving at an unnaturally slow pace. She watched almost in wonder as the pain in her body abated or became so unbearable that she could no longer feel it anymore as various characters raised their fists, but cheered silently...nothing could be heard over the white noise in her head. She watched silver chalices of bloodwine fly through the air, some ot the liquid splashing her face and garment, and even though she looked down at herself, everything else still continued to move in slow motion. Even the warrior who had tried to zap her past the threshold of the painstik march was frozen where he held his hand at his own weapon. And then all of the sudden everything started to quake around her. She could feel the building trembling in her body that started in her stomachs and migrated to the rest of her systems until her vision was as shaky as her body, and once that occured, the sounds and movement around her picked up speed quickly until her world was a mosaic of confusion and unknowing, and all she could think to do was fight.

"Daugher of Miral," boomed Korax over the blood-thirsty crowd of on-lookers who were expecting a fight, "turn around and present yourself!"

When at the same time the elder Klingon spoke and the warrior took his hand away from his weapon, pivoted and followed the rest of the painstik weilding Klingons off the dais and up into the seats, B'Elanna spun around to face Korax, so wrapped up in everything that she was experiencing she could not only remember what it was that she was supposed to do now, but she completely forgot that she was on a starship in the holodeck. The pain in her body was so acutely intense at this time that she could feel herself starting to reach at state of euphoria, and even though she felt heavy and bolted to the ground, and completely unable to command her body to move, it continued to do so, and she wondered if she had died somehow beause even though she was seeing through her eyes, she couldn't sense her body around her.

Seeing the confusion in the small brunette's eyes, Korax nodded and said, "Mmm...you have traveled the river of blood...now show me your heart. Show me your warrior's heart and speak from it."

B'Elanna blinked at that, her memory starting to come back to her and the knowledge of what she was doing...and once that returned, so did her determination...although, this part, she hadn't practiced on purpose. In order to speak from her heart, she couldn't reherse and she hoped that the words would just flow and hopefully, for once in her life, she'd understand what they all meant. Taking her hand away from her knife, B'Elanna shook her head slighty, cleared her throat instinctively and then began as she raised her head and look upon Korax, speaking her true feelings.

"I don't know where to begin," Torres admitted, but with no shame.

The large, oldest Klingon nodded slowly as he replied, "Then begin from the end...why are you here? Why have you come to us when you have never done so before?"

At first the question caught Torres off-guard, but then she remembered that she'd programmed Korax and a few of the other Klingons to have knowledge of her history that she'd worked to detail as much as possible in the last month so that this part of the ritual, the most important part wouldn't be fake or easy on her. Standing straight as her fists once again balled of their own accord, she started, clipped and aggressive, "I'm here to honor my mother. A mother is responsible for her daughter's actions and a daughter is responsible for her mother's." Through clenched teeth, she added, "I don't want her to remember me as a disgrace or let her die with dishonor because I don't have any!" Then relaxing some, she included, "And I don't want to die without honor."

"Are you afraid of death?" asked one of the Klingon's from the crowd as she stood and yelled out.

Spinning around, Torres said adamently, "No! No...I've only been afraid to die once...and that was because I had no honor." Then turning back to Korax, the chief continued, "Don't get me wrong, I want to live...I want to live a long life, but I'm not afraid to die." When some of the crowd began to murmur and Korax looked rather unconvinced, she rallied, "I had a vision of the Barge of the Dead...and on it was my mother." Torres turned toward the crowd and went on, "She was on the Barge of the Dead because of my dishonor, and I lifted her dishonor and took it upon myself and went to gre'tor! I didn't know it was a dream...I thought it was real, and I released her to Sto-Vo-Kor and took her mark, and I jumped into the fire! No one pushed me...I did it...so, no...I'm not afraid to die." Spinning around again, she asked angered, "But what's wrong with wanting to live!" Not expecting an answer, she started to speak more freely, "I have everything to live for! I'm thousands of light-years from my mother and I want to get home to see her again. I want her to see that I'm not a disgrace and I will continue to fight to make that happen. I have purpose now...I'm the chief engineer on a starship. Almost a hundred and fifty people depend on me to keep it running...to keep them safe!"

When most of the crowd laughed at that, B'Elanna whired around angered and snarled, "I don't live with warriors, goddammit! They aren't Klingon. I'm the only one...and they don't think and live like us! But they respect me, and I wouldn't be here unless it was for them." She pivoted again, toward Korax and continued as she began to pace aggitated and speaking with her hands, "And they're my friends...they're my family. They're the only family I have and it's my job to protect them! They have honor because of what they do...because they're not afraid to die either! They fight...we fight every fucking," not worried she would offend since a Klingon who could curse well was often worth of honor just because of that, "day to hold ourselves together. We've been out here alone...all alone for seven years. We've faced enemies that were stronger than us...that have no honor...but we beat them!" Turning toward the crowd, she marched up to them and pointed, "We beat the Borg, the Kazan, the Vidiians, who have no honor, and Species 8472 and the Hirogen, the Malon...we've beat them all...all by ourselves because we're smart! We use all our resources and we fight smart...and never have we been cowards! Never! Even when our comrades died...we never surrendered!" Turning back center, she said, "So I respect them for that and protect them to make sure we can continue to fight and continue to live! They may not be Klingons...but they're all warriors...and they all have honor...and I love them."

As a death hush feel over the crowd, Torres said softer, "I love them all as my family, but I love two of them as my parmaqqay." When several of the Klingon's gasped at the thought, and few others cheered rowdy for the gumption it took to have two mates, and the rest of them began whispering to each other, but Korax said nothing, Torres turned her back on him, figuring she should continue to address the crowed and yes, "Yes, that's right...two!" Softening again, she stated, "And they have honor...they have more honor than I've ever had. So that's why I'm here. I'm here to honor them too...I'm here to prove that I'm worthy of their love and companionship. And I'm here to give my thanks for their love." When several of the warriors continued to sneer and jeer her, she volleyed, angered again, "You have no idea who they are! You have no right to make assumptions! Seven of Nine used to be a Borg! She was assimilated as a child and everything she had was taken away from her and they made her a robot! For eighteen years she couldn't think for herself, and," pointing at one man who made a comment that she was obviously weak then, "you would have faired no better, P'taQ! Klingon's have been assimilated too...and they all end up the same as Seven, but my captain freed her from the Borg. She gave Seven her life back...and she's the fiercest warrior I know." Placing her hands on her hips, Torres sneered, "She could kill you all with one hand tied behind her back and without any weapons other than her fists, and she deserves to be respected for not only that but because she has never surrendered. She was ripped away from the only life she'd ever known and thrown in to completely new exisistence where only one person...only one fucking person cared enough to fight her battles with her." Turning back to Korax, she addmitted, "And that person wasn't me...that person was my captain...and she," Torres sighed, looking down slightly, "and she is the most honorable woman I've ever known."

"Your captain is your parmaqqay?" asked Korax, seeing the change in his initiate.

"Yes," Torres nodded, then looked back up at him placing her hands on her hips. "She is everthing it means to be honorable. She has heart...and virtue...and the strongest will I've ever seen. She's not afraid to die and she's not afraid to live...and she puts everyone else's needs before her own. She'd sleep on a cold, filthy floor without blankets to give even the lowliest member of her crew a better place to sleep...even someone who hated her and didn't honor and respect her...she'd do that for them in a heartbeat." Feeling better about her mission, Torres turned back around and announced, "And she's human! She's a human woman...who commands a starship with her cunning and her mind, not her muscle," pointing again, "but she'd pick up a bat'leth and fight next to all of you. She never lets anyone go into battle alone, except herself...and she risks herself for our empire out here in the middle of no where all the time." Torres spun back toward Korax and said, "So that's why I'm here, because I love her...she's everthing that it means to have honor, and I want to protect her honor with my own. Nothing I've said about her isn't true, and even though she is brave...none of you would gain honor for killing her because she is weaker than all of you. She'd fight you to the death, but she's not a Klingon...she's not Borg...she's human. She can't defend herself like we can and there's no dishonor in that. She's my captain, my friend and my lover and it's my duty to protect her...and I would die for her in either duty...I would die for both of them...I'm not afraid of that...and I would kill anyone for dishonoring them...or die trying."

"Why have you chosen mates that are weak?" yelled another woman from the audience.

B'Elanna flared her nostrils and growled, "They aren't weak! Seven of Nine could snap you clean in half and Kathryn could fuck with your mind and have you on your hands and knees begging for meat like a targ and thinking it was the most honorable thing you've ever done...and all she would have to do it look at you and tell you to do it!" Laughing as the woman stood up and sneered at her, Torres said, "You think I'm lying...trust me. She got me...me of all the people...B'Elanna Torres who had never amounted to jack shit her whole life...B'Elanna Torres who couldn't even finish Starfleet fucking Academy to serve her each and every damn day as her chief engineer. I hated her when I first met her...I hated her because I was scared of her." When several members of the group rumbled and somewhat hissed, she turned back to Korax and said, "Yes, that's right...I was scared of a skinny, little human because she was everything I couldn't be. She had become an officer...she'd become a captain...a captain...and I couldn't even graduate! She walked right up to a man that is twice her size, stood toe to toe with him and reminded him that he was on her ship and that she was in charge! That man is my friend...he's like my brother, and I know he could have killed her, and she knew it too, but she didn't care...and you know what...he's her first officer now. She wasn't scared and he submitted to her will." The chief whirled around again and snarled, "She's the captain! None of you have any idea what that means!" Pointing to herself, she said, "I don't have any idea what that's like and if there's anyone amongst the three of us that is weak it's me...but not them...not them."

"It takes courage to admit to fear," Korax started, rising from his chair. When Torres turned around and the crowd became silent, he went on, "Only fools have no fear, and fools die young...and only fools allow that fear to stop them. There is virtue in your devotion to your new house, to your mates, and to your mother...but there is no honor to be had if you don't have honor for yourself, Daughter of Miral. You can't live as a warrior if you have no honor in your heart for yourself...no matter how much you defend the honor of the ones you are bonded with." Once B'Elanna nodded once, tense, he asked, "What makes you alone worthy of honor?"

Torres swallowed at the question, then took a deep breath and answered, lifting her chin again, "Because I can admit to my mistakes." Pointing at her chest again when Korax raised her eyebrows at that, she said, "I've been a fool. I hated my Klingon half my whole life." As the crowed errupted behind her, half of them cursing at her, some of them throwing their goblets into the circle of torches she was standing within, she ignored them completely and focused on Korax, who was unmoving, "My father is human and he abandoned my mother and me...and he wouldn't have anything to do with me because I was part of her. He couldn't stand to be around anything," she growled, "that was Klingon, including me...and I blamed my mother and everything Klingon, including myself for that. And I turned away from her...I abandoned her...just like him. As soon as I could, I left and tried to forget the Klingon blood in my body...and I tried to be only human, but I couldn't do it. I was a coward just like him...just like him," she shouted now, pointing at her chest again, "I was a coward! He left her and me because he was a coward and couldn't see through his committment to her...and I was a coward because I couldn't see anything through either. I went from one thing to the next...and all I did was cause trouble. I learned to fight like a warrior, but I didn't have the heart of a warrior because I didn't care about anything except myself...except hating myself." Turning around, she started pacing as her voice grew louder, but with more sadness, "I've hated myself my whole life...for as long as I can remember, and I don't want to do that anymore. I don't hate myself anymore. That's why I'm here. I don't hate my mother...I don't hate my father, even if he hates me and never wants to see me again. The only thing I hate is the person I used to be, but I'm not that person anymore. I stopped being that person when I saw my mother on the Barge of the Dead...when I took her dishonor and when I went to gre'tor for her." Torres stopped her aggitated pacing, faced the crowd and yelled, "I am worthy of honor because I can say that! I am worthy of honor because I can face my deepest fears and walk through them...and I can say that because that's what I'm doing right now...before all of you, I'm conquering my fears."

"But are you Klingon?" came a voice from the crowd.

"I'm not fully Klingon, but I know what it means to be Klingon...but I'm not going to turn my back on my human side either. That makes me no better than I was before. I'm Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres, daughter of Miral...the Starfleet officer."

"How can you be both?"

Standing tall and proud, smiling her crazy grin slighty, Torres raised her arms and said, "If I can handle two lovers...what makes you think I can't handle this?" When half of the crowd laughed heartily, some of them toasting her while the other's balked, Torres went on, "And I'm not the only Klingon to be a Starfleet officer. Lieutenant-Commander Worf, son of Mogh is a whole Klingon and he is a warrior...and he does both...and he has honor...and he is respected by the Empire and by the Federation."

"But he is a Klingon...and you are only half " reminded Korax.

The chief turned around to face Korax and said, "That's right...I'm only half...just like Ambassador K'Ehlyer. She's half human too, but she knows what it means to be Klingon, and she's an ambassador for the Empire. She speaks for Klingons and works with the Federation...and she has a different perspective, but that doesn't mean she doesn't understand...and that doesn't mean she isn't Klingon and isn't worthy of honor." B'Elanna swirled around again, then added, "I'm not saying I know everything and I'm not saying that I'll never make mistakes, but I am saying that I'm here today to start my life as a Klingon warrior who also is a Starfleet officer, and I plan to honor both of those roles. I have duty to my captain and my Collective," she used that term in honor of Seven, "to continue on as an officer and and agent of the Federation, and I have a duty to myself and to my mother to teach and show my family what it means to be a Klingon. I'm the only Klingon on this ship and probably in this quadrant that isn't Borg, and I'm proud of that." Torres turned back to Korax and finished, "I'm proud of my Klingon and human heritage and I plan to go on being proud...and nothing any of you can say or do will ever change that...but I'm here today to do this right. This isn't the coward's way this time...this is Klingon way and I'm doing it and I plan to keep right on doing it until I die."

Korax sat back down and asked his final question, "If you are conquering your fears today, then what fear do you have left?"

B'Elanna took several steps forward until she was standing at the base of Korax's throne and replied, "I have only one real fear, and that is walking out of here without honor, but since I'm not leaving until I get it...that means that right now, I don't have any." Turning around and walking back toward the group, she rallied, "So ask your questions, spit your insults, fight me if you want...I've got all day." Turning back to Korax, she informed, "So, let's rock and roll...I'm not afraid...not anymore."

Laughing a hearty belly laugh, Korax took a large gulp of his blood wine while the crowd chuckled and cheered, then said, standing, "A warrior's heart you have, Daughter of Miral." Stepping down from the platform as Torres turned around back to him, her fists still clenched, not certain what was coming next and trying to be prepared for anything, Korax said, handing her his goblet, "And it is the heart that makes a warrior...not ridges...not muscles. If you have the heart and the blood of a Klingon, then the warrior cries out in you too. Drink and listen to voice of your blood!"

Torres snatched up the chalice and took a heaping gulp of the liquid, thinking it was the best thing she'd tasted in ages since she was significantly parched. Then pulling it away, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, she trust it back to him and rallied with emphasis, "Qapla'!"

"Qapla!" sounded the crowd, all of them standing and raising their fists.

"tlhIngan maH! (We are Klingons!), " Korax shouted, taking the grail back and lifting it high above his shoulders, after which the entire room erupted in a jovial and emphatic chorus of similiar declarations and locutions, B'Elanna Torres included. Once the rumblings died down, Korax turned back to his seat and announced as he perched upon it, tall and pround, "B'Elanna Torres, daughter of Miral, you have proven yourself worthy of a warrior's honor on this day." Pointing to the dark cavern to the right off in the distance, he informed, "Your honor awaits you...all you need to do is take it." When the hybrid nodded once, turned and started toward one of the torches, Korax commanded, "No weapons or torches! Let your warrior's heart reveal the path."

Torres took a second to glance over at the almost pitch black tunnel, then turned back halfway to Korax and said, "Right..." as she pulled out her weapon. Walking up to Korax, she demanded without having to think about the command since she was fully emersed in her Klingon side currently, and words such as 'please' and other non-essentials like requests weren't part of a warrior's vocabularly, "Hold this!" Then she added, snarling some, "I like it, so don't lose it!" warning him silently of the consequences he would face if he didn't do what she told him.

When Korax took the knife, looked it over and nodded his appreciation for the craftmanship, then slipped it into his belt, Torres nodded at him again, clenched her fists, expelled the air from her chest and started for the tunnel. She had programmed the characters in this holoprogram to know that she was uncomfortable in the dark, and before this request, she was curious as to why it had never come up during the question and answer part of the ritual, but now she understood why. That was one thing that was amazing about holographic technology and holoprograms...they were adaptive, and as long as the author had programmed the characters to respond to consider all things, not just speak a prewritten dialog, then the 'story' could be different each time, depending on the person playing it. Since Torres had made Korax such a learning holocharacter, she wasn't surprised that he was demanding that she go on without illumination to assist her, and was further challenging her, and even though she really wasn't looking forward to moving about in the darkness in an unfamiliar setting, she was grateful that he had requested she'd done so because it further made this ritual true to her...and she absolutely didn't want to ever take the coward's way out again. She'd shown them her heart, she'd told them of her mistakes and her disgrace, and now she'd show them that even though she did have fear, she was stronger than it and nothing would keep her from attaining her honor.

Marching with determination as the light faded around her while she approached the opening of the cave, Torres resisted the urge to look back as the crowd hushed and the only sounds she could currently hear where the sounds of her boots skidding across the silt on the craggy floor and the quickening of her pulse. Swallowing and taking a deep breath, Torres came to a halt in front of the cavern and looked around for a split-second. Since there was nothing to be seen whatsoever, B'Elanna nodded to herself, then closed her eyes and started forward.

Once she was a couple of footsteps into the blackness, she slowed her pace and stuck her arms out in front of her. She hadn't walked around in here when she tested out the program, and in truth, she'd only let it run long enough to watch her test subject make it to the end of the painstiks. After that, she didn't want to know what would happen, and just trusted that the Rite of Accension sub-routines that were already preprogrammed from the Federation Database would work for her as she wished. She didn't think it was good for her to know too much...this wasn't a test that she could study for and memorize. This was real-life to her and she needed to not know what to expect at every turn. She did know what to expect during the Day of Honor ritual, and even though that was important, it wasn't as important as this part. Every Day of Honor ritual was the same and knowing what to expect was part of the honor. It was a tough ritual, purposefully so, and part of the warrior's honor came from going through it anyway...despite the twenty painstiks she still had to endure and the battle afterward with a master of the bat'leth.

As her pulse continued to increase, Torres slowed again and opened her eyes, hoping that the light from the mouth of the cave would give her a better sense of direction. When the faint light offered her no real help, B'Elanna sighed and side-stepped a few times until she was able to touch one of the side walls. As she continued forward one slow step at a time, the white noise she'd heard before returned as her blood thundered in her ears and started to make her more antsy than she already was since she thought that chaotic noise was eerier than silence because at least in silence she could hear the approach of danger.

But there was nothing to hear or see...

So, she kept one arm out in front of her as she forced herself to proceed farther into the darkness, having no idea how long this tunnel was or if there were intersections...she had absolutely no idea. Taking a deep breath, forcing herself to be calm, she sniffed lightly around her, hoping that her sense of smell could alert her if her hearing and vision could not...but there was nothing, and then she shook her head and reminded, "Torres, holograms don't smell, you idiot." Stopping for a moment, she calmed herself, "You can do this...just go forward...there's nothing in here but my honor...just go foward...Right."

Doing as she told herself, B'Elanna continued on for a few more steps, then snarled at herself and quickened her pace until she was practically charging forward. Letting go of the wall next to her and dropping the hand in front of her to her sides, she balled her fists and stomped forward, leading with her heaving chest, and finally closing her eyes again because she could no longer see even the tunnel behind her. When her foot impacted with something solid and then her chest, Torres had just enough time to lift one of her hand and snap back her neck as she ran smack into a solid wall.

Falling back from the quick movement to keep her face from connecting with the structure, B'Elanna instinctively rolled back over her shoulder, put her hands down and came around onto her knees and then quickly jumped her her feet, but remained fairly coilded, and she spat, "Fuck!" Pushing the air from her lungs again quickly, she pressed herself into a standing position again, stuck her left arm out, but kept her right close to her side and slightly pulled back, ready to strike at anything that wasn't a wall. When she came to the wall again, she took a few moments to feel her way around, then sighed as she realized that for her to continue through the large tunnel, she'd have to now crawl since the only way she could feel to go was through an opening that was slightly smaller than that of a Jefferies Tube.

Getting to her knees, Torres peered into it, but again, there was nothing to see...at all.

B'Elanna took a moment to rub her forehead and stuck her head into the tunnel as she said, "Hello, " afterward listening for an echo to see if there was a larger cavern possibly just a few meters away. When nothing sounded back to her, Torres growled while she pushed herself to proceed into the tunnel, "I'm not afraid of you..."

It was true that Torres didn't like the dark, but what she didn't like even more than that was when it was dark and cramped. She'd never been trapped in a Jefferies Tube when the environmentals went off-line, and everytime that had happened, she'd always said a silent prayer that she hadn't been in one of the tunnels, because she was certain she'd seriously freak out. So wrapped up in her self-castigation for fearing such an event, that B'Elanna completely forgot that she was crawling as fast as she could through a similiar setting, cursing the whole way, and when that struck her, and she realized what she was doing, she had to stop and laugh at herself for a minute. She was yelling at herself for being freightened in her past of something that had never happened, and now that she was really in the situation, she wasn't freaking out. Yes, she was uneasy, but she certainly wasn't helpless and she wasn't stopping.

WIth that bit of knowledge pushing her now, Torres snarled as her blood began to boil again and all she could think about was finding her way through this black maze and receiving her shield. Nothing else mattered and nothing else existed, and as she continued to press on, she crawled farther and farther away from her demons, until she was without fear in her heart, and for the first time in her life she felt she could finally see. It even took her a few minutes to realize that she wasn't having some kind of spirtiual moment, but that there actually was light bleeding into her vision off in the distance.

Moving as fast as she could now, almost laughing in her giddiness, and completely ignoring the scrapes and scratches that were being inflicted upon her palms and her knees as she crawled, B'Elanna charged forward and smiled wild and crazed as she reached the end of the darkness. Squinting as she made her way out of the tunnel and stood up, she had to rub her eyes a few times before they adjusted to the bright light that was enveloping her.

"What warrior comes here?" asked another Klingon warrior as she stepped out from the shadows from the end of the long room where there was another tunnel at the end, from which she came.

Spinning around, still rubbing her eyes and sneezing once, B'Elanna replied as she looked upon the woman she'd programmed to have several similiar qualities as her mother, who was holding her shield in her hands, "B'Elanna Torres, daughter of Miral."

"Miral?" allowed the woman, looking down at the metal sash in her hands that had that name written in Klingon on it. "Then this is for you." Stepping up to Torres who was unmoving and starting at the contents of her hands, the nameless character remarked, "You have chosen to honor your mother and not your house?" When B'Elanna merely nodded rough, once, the woman opened the sash and placed it over B'Elanna's head, set it across her shoulder and added, "She must be an honorable warrior to gain such a status."

"She is," Torres came emphatically and with emotion.

As B'Elanna looked down at her sash and ran her dirty hands across it, then across the small name plate toward the top, the woman informed, "Then you have chosen your mark wisely, and honored her in doing so." Placing her hand on B'Elanna's shoulder roughly, she announced through somewhat pointed teeth, "You are a warrior today, Daugher of Miral...remember that real power is in the heart." Slapping B'Elanna's shoulder, she said, "The birth of a warrior is a great day for the Empire! To survive we must expand, defend and conquer! Qapla'!"

"Keilman to Engineering," hailed Biometric's lead scientists, his voice thick with aggitation and frustration.

"Carey here," replied the lieutenant from where he stood on the upper level of the engine room since he was filling in as chief engineer while B'Elanna Torres took her 'respite,' which meant he was required to use her persnal workstation that resided on the upper deck.

"Lieutenant," Nathan started, sighing, "I hate to tell you this, but we just had three sensor nodes give out on us...again. I don't know what seems to be the problem, but I'd really like to not have to worry about consoles blowing up in my staff's face. Can we please get this taken care of...today?"

As Seven of Nine came out of chief's office walking with purpose over to one ot the wall consoles, shoving Ensign Cohen right out of her way with an unfriendly forearm, although Carey knew from experience she could be much more abrupt, which is probably why Cohen didn't react much other than to hold up his hands and move onto another board, the fair-haired lieutenant replied, guessing, rolling his eyes at the Borg's rudeness, "Seven's looking into it right now...but until we have something, you all should go take a break and stay out of there. I don't know if this is the same problem again...so let's be safe."

"Acknowledged...and please try to fix it this time. We've got critical work to do here and some of it can't just be stopped in the middle without having to start all over again."

Keeping from getting irritated for the moment, although he had a pretty good notion that if Ensign Keilman was speaking to the chief he wouldn't be shoveling the attitude, Carey replied, asserting his authority somewhat, "We'll do the best we can, Ensign. Carey out." Then looking over the board at Seven of Nine, he asked, testy, "You are working on that...aren't you?"

Frowning, Seven said as her fingers moved with equal measures of precision and speed, "That is correct." As her Borg hand continued to move on the board as she began several diagnostic programs, she tapped her communicator with the other and said, "Engineering to the Bridge."

"Janeway here," the captain came back almost immediately since she'd just stepped onto the Bridge for a moment to question Tuvok about what he knew of Commander Worf, a fellow Security Chief, and even though her voice sounded fairly even, Seven could detect her slight modulation of anxiety.

"Captain," Seven of Nine started, "we are once again experiencing problems in Biometrics with the sensor relay system. I cannot say as of yet if these problems are related to the problems we've had as of late, but I believe Ensign Kim's assistance would be helpful."

As the captain nodded at Harry, who immediately pivoted and started for the turbolift, Janeway came back, "He's on his way." Then had to ask, "Are any other systems being affected on that deck?"

Seven knew Janeway was speaking specifically of the holodeck, but since she hadn't directly asker her, the Borg surmised Kathryn was attempting to keep her concern a 'secret,' so thus she answered, "Negative," and did not elaborate or go on, hoping Janeway would understand that her answer meant that she hadn't been alerted of any problems in the holoprogram.

"Alright," Janeway clipped, her anxiousness not filtered, although it came out sounding much more like irritation. "Keep me informed. Janeway out."

As Lieutenant Carey started down the ladder, presumably to speak with her, Seven of Nine paused the movement of her hands on the console for a split-second while she considered the situation. She couldn't be certain as of yet, as she told the captain, but she had a 'gut-feeling' that the same situation they had seen in the previous two days, or a similar one was occurring. Seven was not one to 'listen' to her 'intuition' on a regular basis as was Kathryn, who the Borg knew was rather good at speculation, when it came to technical matters, but there were several things assisting her at the moment. The first being that she was almost absolutely certain they were not simply dealing with faulty hardware that had been compromised during the recent trouble because B'Elanna Torres had done the maintenance and diagnostics on the entire facility. If another crewmember had performed the tasks, the ex-drone wouldn't be as certain, but she knew that Torres, even when distracted, was thorough and diligent in her work, and she, herself, had watched the chief check and re-check everything. The second thing that was assisting her was that even though she'd had time to analyze the core and check the programming for signs of 'infection,' she'd hadn't had a chance to check any of the individual deck data processing system, or their primary routines beyond Deck Five before she retired for the evening and headed off to engage in her sleepover with Naomi Wildman. Even though she had found nothing that suggested there was a larger problem, and that they hadn't solved the entire mystery already, she hadn't been able to check Deck Seven's systems, and she knew if was a possibility, although the probability was slight, to say the least, that something was amiss with that deck's primary routines, beyond the Security sub-routines.

Focusing on that, she took her hand completely away from the console as Carey finished climbing down the ladder and started toward her. If there was a larger problem with the primary routines on that deck, then it was a good possibility that the other circuit could be compromised…and if that were to occur, the holodeck systems would become victims as well. Spinning on her heel and starting immediately for the chief's office, ignoring Carey's question as to where she was going, Seven merely ordered, even though she was technically not in charge of Engineering, "Inform Ensign Kim when he arrives to begin analyzing the diagnostic report," then added to be 'nice,' "please...and thank you."

The Borg wasn't certain what kind of malfunctions data replication would cause in the holodeck, and she was equally uncertain she wanted to find out, especially when her partner was utilizing the device without the safety protocols. She surmised with inhuman speed as she marched toward the office tucked away in the corner, that the holoemitters would not simply overload and shutdown the program because they were a great deal more robust than the standard sensor nodes that made up a majority of this starship's infrastructure. The emitters where designed to process and transfer enormous amounts of data every nanosecond which allowed the real-life simulation to proceed without interruption. If the emitters didn't give out, the Borg guessed that two things would occur. Either the entire program would replicate itself and start running one and top of the other until the main computer processor couldn't take anymore load, or more than likely, bits and pieces of the program would duplicate, which could cause any number of things to occur: duplicate characters, endless loops of the same scenario, the list went on and on.

Under normal circumstances this wouldn't be a major concern, but when the chief engineer was running a grueling Klingon Day of Honor ritual, without the safety protocols on, Seven of Nine didn't think any duplication was anywhere near a good thing...to say the very least.

Closing the door and sitting down at the desk, Seven accessed B'Elanna's workstation and immediately brought up her monitoring program, working out the alogrithms in her head that would allow the computer to check for data replication. Since today's problems in Biometrics hadn't been reported by the computer until the ensign contacted them, she knew the computer was still having difficulty making heads or tails of the situation. That, of course, was assuming the problem had indeed returned, but Seven's 'intuition' was speaking to her, and she, for once, was listening to it.

She had a thought for a moment to contact the captain and inform her of the modifications she was making to the monitoring system to set her clear, well…clear to the Borg, fears at ease, but then she quickly changed her mind as her fingers worked quickly on the small console while she thought the situation over again. This news would undoubtedly bother Kathryn, especially if she believed that there was a high probability that the holodeck systems could be compromised, and that there was no 'guarantee' that they could detect the malfunctions. Furthermore, she postulated that such news would more than likely force Janeway to take matters into her own hands and she could easily see the redhead marching down into Engineering with a serious 'weed up her butt,' as Torres was fond of calling the captain's determined, no-nonsense look, and proceed to not only make her entire staff a nervous wreck, just with her presence, but possibly do more damage to herself just by trying to hide her fears, which often meant her emotion would come out as anger to compensate. If Seven didn't fully understand why her crew got so twitchy whenever she hung around, and acted as though at any moment she was going to march up to them and demand that they recite the square root of pi, or something equally as ridiculous, the Borg would find their inefficiency annoying at those moments, but Seven completely understood what drove them into such a strange state when the captain's tension level was kicked up a few notches: everyone on the ship, including Seven of Nine and B'Elanna Torres, feared the captain. Their fear was never fear of bodily harm or anything of that nature…it was wholly rooted from one singular idea: disappointment.

As Janeway often said, she was a reasonable woman. She didn't like sycophants, she didn't expect everyone to agree with her, and even though she did expect hard work, respect for herself and others, honestly, forthrightness, and her crew to follow her orders, she didn't expect or demand that they like it…just that they do it. Seven of Nine knew this very, very well…and the only time she'd ever felt regret for something she'd done that 'went against' the captain's wishes or preference was when she had disappointed her. Janeway could scathingly reprimand and spit words that burned like fire and then chill like ice, but the worst, the absolute worst was when her voice quieted to almost a whisper, and her face became emotionless and unfeeling before she informed her crewman that she was disappointed. Sometimes she just out and out said she was disappointed, but most of time she didn't have to because the look on her face said it all. There was never much said or done after that…and that was enough. For that reason, and that reason alone, everyone feared the captain…and that was why lesser officers that didn't work with her everyday became so strange when she was around, because they were deathly afraid to disappoint her.

And because of that, and for Kathryn's well being at the moment, Seven did not update her on the small change she'd made to the monitoring system, thinking it was really irrelevant knowledge to be known and would only make matters worse. As long as she knew and she could continue to monitor Torres' program, than that was all that needed to happen, and if a problem did arise, then she would alert the captain, as she had planned to before. This really didn't change anything, so she kept the information to herself…because it was never a good day on Voyager when the captain was cranky.

As she finished her coding and then commanded the computer to send a signal to her tricorder to alert her if any malfunctions were detected in the holoprogram, the door call sounded into the small depths of the chief's office. Standing and tapping the sensor next to her as she rounded the desk, she greeted with a question once Harry Kim came into view, "Has the data replication problem returned?"

Nodding, Kim replied, following Seven out of the office, taking the tricorder from her as she requested that he hold it for her since she didn't have a holster on her biosuit, "Yea…looks like it. It's not exactly the same though…so I thought I'd get a second opinion."

Seven approached the sensor panel where the diagnostic report was visible as Lieutenant Carey looked up from his board and started toward them, then said after a few beats of reading the text and graphical displays, "Agreed. There are similarities in the process…however, the difference is significant enough to rule out the Security sub-routines." Turning to Kim and Carey, she placed her hands behind her back and stated, "We should begin by analyzing the primary routines that control all of Deck Seven's unique systems. I have already analyzed the computer core and found no evidence of corruption…I believe the problem remains isolated to this deck."

Jumping into the mix, Carey reminded, "But if the primary routines were compromised, wouldn't that affect the whole deck? It doesn't make sense that it is isolated to just this circuit…why isn't the other circuit being affected?"

Kim shrugged and offered when Seven furrowed her brow at the lieutenant, more than likely finding his questions inefficient use of time since it was fairly obvious that they really didn't have many answers currently, "We don't know. Maybe it's part of the bio-neural technology. Maybe that system was so used to replicating data…but only on that circuit for whatever reason, that even though we replaced the optical sensor and changed the Security sub-routines that it still believes that is what should occur? It's probably still adapting, and won't stop until we find all of the changed code and undo the damage."

Turning around and facing the console, Seven reported, "We must begin immediately." As she accessed it and starting running through the file system to bring up the needed data, she went on, "If the primary routines on this deck have been compromised, and the computer is continuing to adapt, the changes that we made yesterday could cause it to continue to adapt further. I believe each time a change is made, the computer compensates and the speed of the process increases. During the removal of my abdominal implant, similar adaptations occurred. Once my body was no longer able to sustain the device, the adaptation process accelerated and instead of the process taking months, it took only a week. Since these systems are enhanced with Borg technology, we can expect similar reactions."

Kim nodded, then turned to Carey and said, "Okay. I think you and I should go down to the data processing center on that deck and check it out...just in case it's not the primary routines. We never had any luck with the diagnostics unless we ran the ones specific to that post at that terminal."

So wrapped up in what she was doing, Seven of Nine completely forgot that she'd given her tricorder to Harry Kim to hold for her since she'd figured that they would be working side by side for the foreseeable future.

After walking with pride, but completely, this time, without fear through another pitch black tunnel that took her back into the main cathedral where she demanded her knife back from Korax, in true Klingon fashion, who was the only character left in the cavern, B'Elanna Torres took several long minutes to sit, drink a cup of bloodwine and rest. She'd programmed the simulation to allow for the break before the Day of Honor ritual began because she knew she'd need it, and frankly, since she was brave enough to attempt to complete both rituals in a single day, she didn't see any dishonor in taking a break to recover. During the entire time, she never took one hand from the mesh of her sash, and as she continued to stroke it lightly and look down upon its pristine surface from where she sat on Korax's throne, she was certain it was the nicest inanimate object she'd seen in all her life, including her new alien tools the captain had given her.

While Torres sat, drank, and rubbed her new treasure, she attempted to focus her determination and not get too wrapped up in the unbidden joy that was gracing her face with a smile and causing fat, silent tears to trickled down her cheek. They weren't tears that shook her body or blurred her vision, and they didn't weaken her voice or mar her honor. They were tears of pride, of joy, of thanks…the list went on and on…and she wasn't uncomfortable by them. Even at the most Klingon moment of her life, she didn't find them weak. She was half human and half Klingon, and how she felt and expressed her emotions was one area her Klingon side would have to compromise because she was tired of fighting that too. She felt ready to fight the world and embrace it at the same time and tell everyone she came across how amazing it felt to be an honored warrior and how important that was…but she was tired of fighting herself, and figured that was how it should be for her.

Wiping her cheek once with her hand, causing a fairly dark smudge across her face that had been covered in a thin sheen of dust and perspiration and was now a canvas of her trials and her tears, Torres couldn't help but think about all that this meant for her and feel the rushing tidal wave of relief that came with a clean slate.

In essence, the B'Elanna Torres of before no longer existed. Her deeds, her mistakes, her dishonor…everything had just been washed away and a shinny new penny was left in the cleansing wake. Of course, B'Elanna would never forget her past because she knew she relied on skills and memories of tragedies that made her the warrior she was now, but there was a definite feeling of release…the release of burden. If her mother died now, she'd have honor. If B'Elanna died now, she'd have honor, and no one could ever say Torres wasn't capable of following through or worthy of respect. The sash across her chest proved that to the nth degree…hell, the painstik walk alone she figured was enough to put most people on the ground for a good long time.

And with her newness came a world of possibilities. She never realized how much she hated looking forward to anything in the future until now…now that that was all she could do. She never liked to look ahead because she always assumed it would be filled with disgrace and dishonor as was the present, but now that wasn't true…and now she wanted to make plans, and she wanted to make her own legacy.

The only thing she couldn't figure out yet, was how to convince Seven and Kathryn, especially Kathryn, that she wanted to marry them, but not live with them. If they weren't aboard a starship, Torres wouldn't hesitate to live with both of them, even if they weren't her spouses, but on Voyager she just had to stay close to her engine room…it wasn't something she could compromise on, and since the captain had to stick close to the Bridge…there just was no other way. B'Elanna was really fine with that since she often spent three to four nights a week over there, and on average spent four evenings a week with one or both of them before she tooled off to her home, or over to Nick's who liked to stay up late as she did, and she figured Seven would be fine with it as well, probably since Torres and Seven were about as opposite as two people could get with their tidiness, but she was fairly certain Kathryn would get that sad look in her eye before she nodded and accepted it, then never said one thing. Torres hated that look the first time she told Janeway she couldn't move in with her and Seven, but that was at the start of their relationship, and even though they'd only been involved seriously for a third of a year, this was different. B'Elanna didn't want to wait to get married. She wanted to get married right now…now that she had honor, she wasn't afraid to marry Seven and Kathryn…she felt she was worthy now.

Blinking her eyes, Torres laughed out loud as she realized what she was thinking about, then shouted as she jumped down from her chair and threw her arms about while she smiled, "That's right…I want to marry them both!" Shaking her head, she mumbled, "I can't believe I want to marry a Star-fuckin'-fleet captain…you really are one piece of work, Torres." B'Elanna continued to talk to herself as she paced around to keep her muscles and legs moving since the worst of the physically grueling rituals was still to come, "I can't believe I want to marry anyone. I never wanted to marry anyone before. I can't believe I want to marry Seven of Nine!" Smiling her crazy grin, she mumbled, "Dollface…I really hate you for this…I hate you for being so wonderful...so goddamned perfect…Kahless, I love you, babe." B'Elanna stopped her stride and talked directly to Seven, "God, I wish you were here…I wish you were here to see this…but that's cool, we'll talk soon about getting married…we'll figure out our plan." Smiling brighter, she said, "We'll figure it out…we always figure it out." Then as she looked down at her hands and the silver ring had given her, she whispered, "I'm gonna marry you, cowgirl…I'm gonna give you the biggest, fattest diamond ring there ever was and I'm gonna walk right onto the Bridge and ask you…right in front of everyone…down on one knee and everything…I'm gonna do this right." Laughing harder now as the image of that scene played over in her head, she placed her hands on her hips and said, "Resistance is futile, Captain Cowgirl…I'm gonna marry you…I'm gonna marry you and Seven and we're gonna have the biggest party there ever was." Turning around and resuming her pacing, she announced, "And Nick can play all those sappy songs you both like…all day long…I don't care. Yea, and Nick can stand up with me…and Chakotay can stand up with Red…and Tuvok can stand up with Seven…and the kid can hold the rings…and…"

Scrunching her face, she thought it over, then mumbled, "Who would marry us then?" The chief snapped her fingers and yelled, "Devin! That's perfect…they'd love that…Right…okay…and then we could have a honeymoon on the holodeck." Placing her hands on her hips, she thought it over for a minute and then said, changing gears quickly, "We've still got to get home soon, though…I've got to talk to her about letting us work on the Slipstream project officially. I don't think she'll want to have kids out here, and I know Seven wants kids…and…"

"Qapla'!" came a series of rowdy crows from the depths of the cavern behind Torres, effectively cutting off her train of thought and bringing her out of her revere and wistfulness.

As B'Elanna whirled around, then clenched her fists and stared at him, one of ten Klingon male warriors, all of them at least a head taller than the chief asked with a definite amount of aggression to his tone, "What warrior comes here?"

B'Elanna blinked for a split second as she counted the number of characters approaching her since she only remembered programming five Klingon's to participate in the beginning of the Day of Honor ritual, then answered before any of them got angry and was forced to repeat themselves, "B'Elanna Torres, daughter of Miral!" As her Klingon instincts began to rush to the forefront and her body instantly tensed while she made the necessary adjustments to her demeanor to not only act and fight as a true Klingon but prepare her body for the pain she was about to face in the same manner she'd done before the previous ritual, Torres quickly made note that she was looking at ten Klingons, but they were composed of five sets of two…each one had a twin.

Before B'Elanna could begin to think about that at all, the same warrior questioned, "You have come here to have your honor challenged?"

Speaking with force and certainty, very far removed from the B'Elanna Torres who had engaged in this ritual three years ago and failed miserably to see it through, although she had sufficiently worked over three similar warriors when she had had enough of their painstiks and tradition, Miral's daughter answered, "HIja'!"

"Mmm," nodded the same warrior with a glint of approval and excitement in his eyes, as his comrades flanked him. "Are you willing to see the ceremony through to the end?"

Torres ripped her knife from her belt and answered as her eyes widened and her nostrils flared, "ghIqtal (To the death!)."

When the group around him all cheered and nodded their approval for the courage of the little warrior, the leader said, pointing to the warrior to his right who was holding a platter of bloody, raw food, "First you will eat from the heart of a sanctified targ."

Nodding, B'Elanna thrust her knife back into her belt, marched up to the dish that she'd tasted before and found it absolutely repulsive, grabbed a handful of the rare, pliable meat and took a healthy bite, tearing off a chunk with her just slightly sharper than normal, for a human, teeth, that again was very different from the dainty and tentative taste she'd taken before. While she ate, she took a second to analyze the situation. Her instincts instantly told her that it was possible that the data replication problem had returned because she had no other way to explain this. She knew that was a little bit of a stretch, but she'd went over the programming of this simulation with a fine toothed comb and was certain that she hadn't made any errors, especially any like this. If she wasn't looking at five sets of twins, she'd wonder if maybe she just forgot that she'd added more characters, but this was too much of a coincedence. However, that notwithstanding, this was the Day of Honor, and just because she'd have more people around her that could potentially do her harm or wish to challenge her honor, didn't mean anything to her. She was not going to back out now just because there were more people…that would be as dishonorable as she could imagine, and since she'd just gotten her honor, she certainly was not ready to lose it over a technicality. She'd fight them all if she had too…and she wasn't scared in the least at this point.

As Torres gnawed on the cuisine, then wiped the blood trickling down her chin with the back of her hand while she threw the remains on her hands back on the platter, the lead Klingon again informed, "Yes... the heart of a targ brings courage to one who eats it. Next," he continued, pointing to the man on his left, "you will drink mot'loch from the grail of Kahless." Once B'Elanna grabbed the thick, silver goblet and started chugging the strong beverage, he growled with charisma, "Drink to the glory of Kahless, the greatest warrior of all time!"

Finishing the equally unpalatable liquid, B'Elanna couldn't keep herself from coughing just once at the strong, burning sensation in her throat and nasal passage as she again wiped her chin and thrust the cup back to its owner, as the only Klingon who had spoken so far went on, "Kahless defeated his enemies on the field of battle and built and mighty empire. How have you proven yourself worthy?"

Ready for this question, B'Elanna took one step toward him, placed her hands on her hips and said with as much pride and bravado she could muster out of her voice, "I'm the chief engineer of an Intrepid class starship. I have the respect, admiration, trust, and loyalty of my comrades. I'm a member of the Elite Force."

"What's this Elite Force?" asked the lead Klingon's twin, not as if he didn't understand, but as if he wasn't impressed, which B'Elanna thought he very well should be.

Snapping her head toward him, Torres growled, "It's an advanced tactical security squad. I don't live amongst warriors…so we fight to protect the weaker members of our family. We're the best of the best…and any one of us could kick your sorry ass!" When the man growled and went for his blade, B'Elanna, who had worked fairly diligently with Fowler to develop her skills so she wasn't so much of a brawler, but could also disarm someone, despite the situation, and quickly, waited for him to pull it out of the sheath before she reacted.

Grabbing his wrist, she twisted it inward and she pulled his arm away, then brought her other elbow down hard at his elbow. When he cried out at the wrenching sensation in his shoulder and couldn't help but drop his knife, B'Elanna bent down, picked up his knife and said as she handed it back to him while the others looked on and nodded their heads in approval again, "That's why it's called the Elite Force…you can have that back for having the balls to question me…this time, but just remember, you're alive right now because I'm allowing it."

As the group laughed and cheered at that, the head Klingon said, "butlh ghajbogh nuv'e' yIHo' (Admire the person with dirt under his fingernails.)."

Not ready to be finished yet, B'Elanna bobbed her head at that, taking it as a compliment since it meant that she was right not to kill him for having the gumption to question her in such a manner, then went on, "On our last mission, I lead the team to gather supplies in a hostile environment. I also put myself in danger to protect my comrades who had gone into battle alone and were outnumbered, without asking permission from our leader, and at the risk of being punished for doing so. One of those in danger was my captain and other is my best friend, and finally when we came under attack," she raised her fist and said, "even though our enemies had projectile weapons, I came to the battle field with only my bat'leth!" When everyone growled at that, excited by the danger, Torres said with pride, and finished, "And when my partner was shot, I threw down my weapon, picked her up over my shoulder and carried her to safety…and demanded that my captain pick up my bat'leth so it wouldn't fall into the hands of someone without honor."

"You were afraid to let your comrade fall on the battle field?" asked another Klingon from the end of the line.

Snarling, Torres marched over to him and spat, "I told you, I don't live with Klingons…can't you remember?" When he growled at her, she grabbed him by his vest and sneered in return, "I would die for all of them, and I would die trying to protect them!" Letting him go, she backed off and added, "If I can save them, then I should try…there's no dishonor in that."

The Klingon next to the one to whom she was speaking announced, foolishly, on the next beat, "You can't be real warrior if you don't live with Klingons!"

Snapping like a twig, Torres pulled out her blade and replied, crazed, "You dishonor me, P'taQ!" Before he could move barely a muscle, B'Elanna pounced on him, turning her blade in her hand during the frantic movement so she could thrust it downward into his chest. When he fell backward with his hand on his blade that slowly slumped away as blood began to pool around the wound and then down his torso, Torres marched up to him, ripped out her wavy bladed knife and put it back into her belt.

As two Klingons went up to the fallen warrior, knelt beside him and howled as they touched his body and lifted their heads as his holographic 'spirit' escaped, the lead Klingon paid little mind and continued with the ritual since B'Elanna had been within her rights to kill that man, so it was of little consequence and hardly anything to make mention of, "A warrior must endure great hardship," replied the man as more Klingons came out of various tunnels, all of them wielding painstiks. "First, to test your mettle you will endure the ritual of twenty painstiks."

Torres readied her body as she was surrounded by the group of electric clubbed warriors, then clenched her fists and flared her nostrils, taking in a huge breath as the first of impacts was made to her back, and if the holodeck wasn't completely sound-proof, her blood-curdling howl could have easily been heard throughout a majority of Deck Seven…if it wasn't currently abandoned except for the two lone males in the distribution center trying to find out just what was causing the data replication before the computer continued to adapt more and cause problems that hadn't been considered...

Hopping out of the Jefferies Tube, Kim held the door open for Carey as he said, "I think we should start with a full diagnostic." Once Carey was out of the opening, the ensign closed the hatch and went on, "B'Elanna and Seven found the damaged optical sensor by going that route yesterday…maybe we'll get lucky again?"

"Well, I don't have any better ideas," the lieutenant informed as he went over to the console."Although, I'd like to scan the Security sensor again before we start…maybe it's the cause of all this mess again?" Looking down as he realized he didn't have a tricorder with him, he reached over to Kim's waist and pulled out the ensign's.

As Carey did that, Kim sighed as he remembered Seven had asked him to hold that for him. Normally he wouldn't worry about it, but he had the sense that the Borg, who didn't normally need to use a tricorder while she worked aboard Voyager because she was capable of interfacing with almost any technology with her assimilation tubes, needed it for a specific purpose. Going with that, he thought it best to ask rather than just leave it alone. Tapping his communicator as the engineer ran the scanning device near the Security filtering node, Kim said, "Kim to Seven of Nine."

"Proceed."

"Seven," Kim began, "did you need the tricorder that you gave me for some reason?"

Sighing, Seven replied clipped, irritated at herself, and slightly unnerved that she'd forgotten something again, knowing very well that the more human emotions that she allowed herself to experience, the harder it became for her to remain absolutely focused, as she was accustomed, "That is correct. I have programmed the computer to alert me via the tricorder if a specific malfunction is detected. I would retrieve it from you if I was not currently interfaced with the computer. You will inform me the moment the tricorder gives off the alert signal without delay…you must comply."

"Sure, Seven…that's fine," Kim came back quickly, nodding and anxious at the crack of the Borg's demand since for her to get so worked up about something, it had to be very important, he knew. "Did you need anything else?"

"No. Seven out."

Huffing, Carey shook his head as he closed the tricorder, "God, you'd think she was the captain?" After handing the device back to Kim, obviously not wanting to have anything to do with it after the communication, he added, walking up to the sensor board, "Well, I guess being the captain's pet Borg gives special privileges, huh?"

Kim shook his head, wanting absolutely no part of such a conversation, and said, "No comment."

"I'm starting the diagnostic…the tricorder didn't give us anything," Carey reported quickly, then turned around. "Come on, Kim…you can't possibly tell me you actually like taking orders from her?" Before Kim could say anything, he added, with spite, "Seems to me that rank and seniority don't mean squat around this place anymore…or maybe they never did?"

Harry set his shoulders since he was pretty sure that not only was Carey disrespecting the captain, whom pretty much everyone knew Kim admired a great deal, but he was making a comment as to how Torres had gotten the chief's job over him, and replied, speaking easily, and with a fair amount of understanding, but also with a hint of warning, "I think we should just let the diagnostic run and leave the rest be." When Carey rolled his eyes and opened his mouth, Kim jumped in, "Listen…I'm not saying we all haven't had to make adjustments out here, but we're doing the best we can…and so is the captain…and I don't take orders from Seven. I work with her. We work as a team…that's how it is on Voyager…why is that so hard to understand?" Still going, not letting Carey say anything, he added, "Yes, she's bossy and rude sometimes, but she was a Borg! They don't say please…and she's come a long way."

"She's not bossy with B'Elanna Torres," the blonde lieutenant replied. "She's not bossy with the captain…sure she used to be with them all, but now she's found love…and she's adapted. Well, why the hell can't she adapt with everyone else too?"

Kim shrugged, having enough of the conversation, and offered, "I don't know…maybe you talk to Lieutenant Fower...or Chakotay when he gets back?"

Carey huffed again, then said, "Yea, right…like that will do any good. You know," he started with to his back to the opening of the Jefferies Tube hatch, so he had no idea that it was opening, and when Kim saw who was behind it, he didn't bother trying to shut the man up since not only didn't he approve of Carey's bad-mouthing, but we was rather interested to see how the captain would respond to it, "before B'Elanna was assimilated, she tried to tell Chakotay that Seven was screwing around with systems that she shouldn't mess with. This stuff worked fine before she enhanced it…and now who has to clean it up? We do…while she gives us orders, sits in the chief's office and performs tasks. But hey," he finished as Kim straightened while the captain crawled supremely out of the hatch and closed the door, purposefully not making any sound, now that she'd heard some of the conversation, her slight movement not being heard above the lieutenant's loud voice, "I guess that's what we should expect? Maybe if you and I screwed the captain and the chief, we'd get some respect too?"

Narrowing his eyes at Carey for saying that and for bringing him into the conversation, Kim snapped to attention as Janeway leaned on the back wall with her arms crossed over her chest and barked, "Captain on deck!"

Janeway kept her cool, and didn't smirk at Kim, even though she wanted to since she knew that Harry was not the bad-mouthing kind and he had obviously been sucked into the conversation by his reaction since he hadn't tried to silence the lieutenant when he spotted her. When Carey whirled around, turned deathly pale, then snapped to attention, Janeway pushed away from the wall, walking slow as she looked down at the floor and kept her arms crossed. When she came to a stop in front of Carey who began to apologize, Janeway snapped, harsh and vicious, making it more personal on purpose, since she certainly didn't approve of someone describing her romantic involvements as screwing, "Shut up, Joe!" Then quieting instantly, she looked him directly in the eye and said in an icy, ghost voice, "I honestly didn't think you were the type," which equated to, "I'm disappointed in you." Getting directly in his face, she hissed, "I don't want to hear your empty apologies, Lieutenant, so save your breath. If you have a problem with the way things run on my ship, then you can either get off on the next stop or you bring them to me, because let me tell you something," lowering her voice again, and warning him that perhaps he should keeps his thoughts to himself for his own protection, "you're damned lucky it was me who came through that hatch and not the chief...and if my memory serves me correctly, I think we both know that."

Backing away, Janeway turned her back on them both, and let Carey stew for a few moments, then turned around deciding to leave it at that since it was a very fine line she had to walk these days because this was one of the reasons why captain's were discouraged from becoming romanctically involved with members for their crew, and even though he had been rude and way out of line, it really wasn't a punishable offense to be caught shooting-off one's mouth, not on the first offense anyway, and said, "As you were." Looking over to Harry, who looked to be having a difficult time not smiling, Janeway asked, easy and light as Carey continued to look like a deer caught in headlights, "What's the word, Harry?"

"Well, Captain," Kim came right back, moving past Carey and walking over to the console, "we're running a diagnostic of the distribution system again." Looking over the data quickly, he informed as she came up to his side and stood close, "Nothing out of the ordinary yet, but this is definitely the same problem we saw over the last two days." Turning toward her, he leaned on the console casually and went on, "Seven's interfaced with the computer right now analyzing the primary routines…she thinks that's where the problem is, but I thought we should come down here and double-check the hardware since it's still only hitting the one circuit, and that makes me think it's more than just programming."

Janeway agreed with that, so while nodding, she replied, "Sounds about right." Then sighing slightly, due to a myriad of things, she turned and said, "Well, I think I'll go check up on Engineering while you two finish up, then I think we should all get together and decide where to go from there." Staring over at Carey, she added with spite, "Maybe get a fresh perspective on things, huh?" As she walked away, she added, "Thank you, Ensign," but didn't elaborate what she was thanking him for, although it was fairly obvious to the three of them.

"You're welcome, Captain," Kim came back, proud and not afraid to show it. A few minutes after Janeway departed and the diagnostic finished, Kim turned to Carey who was still white as a ghost and obviously frayed, informing, "The diagnostic is finished...and, by the way, just in case you didn't know, I happen to like the three of them…especially the captain." Smiling, Kim announced, "And think whatever you want…call me a kiss ass, I don't care, but at least she's never told me to shut up." In fact, Harry couldn't ever remember Janeway telling anyone that, at least never using those words, which he figured she considered rude and uncaptain-like.

In the next beat a chaotic series of small explosions in the distribution center as a large amount of data was replicated and caused a feed-back loop which overloaded the sensor nodes in the room, that not only completely shutdown all operation on the faulty circuit, leaving only the circuit the holodeck ran on functioning…but the blast and discharge were enough to knock both Kim and Carey to the floor and out cold. And when the alert sounded on the tricorder at Harry's waist in the next moment, there was no one around to hear it go off.

Bracing herself with her hands on her thighs as she incurred the last of the agonizing electric discharge of the painstik, Torres swayed slightly from side to side as the room spun around her and threatened to send her toppling to the ground. Her body was shaking so fiercely at this point, she could barely feel herself breathing, and when she couldn't hold back the retching sensation in her stomachs, she had to fall to one knee as she vomited the contents of them on the sand covered, rock hard ground at her feet.

The lead Klingon who was still in charge of the ritual, hovered over her and spat in question, showing his distaste for her weakness, "Can you continue, or are you too weak?" When Torres continued to breath heavily, didn't answer but nodded slightly, he sneered, "Maybe Krag was right…hmm?"

"Qo'!(No!)," B'Elanna came back, spitting on the ground. Pushing herself back up to her feet, although still bent over, Torres shook her head while she closed her eyes and tried to keep herself from passing out from the spinning room. Trying to slow her breathing, she mumbled, "Klingons don't surrender. Klingons don't faint. I can do this…I can do this…I'm a fighter…I have honor…I'm a warrior."

"Then hear the warrior cry out…and fight!" the Klingon commanded, standing right over her and tossing a bat'leth down by her feet. Using his foot, he lifted it to her shoulder, pushed her down hard and jeered, "You are weak, P'taQ!"

Flaring her nostrils again, B'Elanna pushed herself to her knees, snatched up the bat'leth and growled as she thrust upward, leading with her weapon, "No, I'm not!"

Their weapons clanged loudly as the group of Klingons cheered and made a large circle around them, and as they pushed against each other for a moment, Torres couldn't overpower him in her current state, so as she was trust backward, she let the move happen, needing the moment of distance to prepare herself properly and figure out how she was going to be able to beat him since she was coming quickly on the point of exhaustion, thanks to the painstiks. Falling on her back, Torres used her momentum to roll all the way over on her shoulder and came up on her knees. Lifting her weapon immediately at he struck a downward blow, she waited until he relented, then swung her bow-like sword with her right hand quickly at his knees. He was able to dodge most of the swipe, but the tip of the bat'leth just barely caught his lower thigh enough to cut a fairly deep gash in his leg.

The wound she caused gave B'Elanna the time she needed, and as he howled at the pain and took a few steps back, Torres pushed herself to her feet again, was able to grasp the weapon how it was intended to be held, and decided that she would take a more defensive posture for the time being, which would hopefully help her regain her legs which were shaky, to say the least. As the warrior growled at her and came back, leading with his weapon over his head, and brought it down for a crushing blow, Torres didn't attempt to block it because she knew the force could easily knock her weapon from her hands. So, instead, she used her head, which was her greatest asset at the moment and spun away from the blow. As the Klingon bent over some as the tip of his blade came all the way to the ground, Torres hit him hard over the back with her weapon, using the rounded edge, so she could swing it with one hand and remain at a distance. She probably could have maneuvered her weapon to cut him, but she hadn't been certain the blow would kill him, or that while she did that, he wouldn't whirl around and cut her, so she chose the smart option now which was to keep him off balance until she could make the kill. No matter what was happening, B'Elanna couldn't let herself forget that this was real-life and she absolutely didn't want to make any mistakes. This was for her honor and her life and she wanted to ensure she could walk away with both.

As she cracked her weapon over his back, which sent him to his knees, Torres came up behind him, but kept her distance in case he spun and whirled his bat'leth as she had done, and spat, "Get up, P'taQ! Or are you too weak to fight me?"

Just as the Klingon pushed himself to his feet and turned around while Torres raised her weapon, he dematerialized, and so did all of the characters around him.

Nonplussed, B'Elanna spun around, exasperating, "What the...fuck?" Sighing, and wiping the sweat from her brow as her chest heaved and her hearts pounded against her inards, B'Elanna looked up and yelled, "Goddammit! You couldn't wait just one fucking minute…could you?" When she felt the white-hot pain of metal being thrust into her skin a few seconds later, Torres howled in agony as she was quickly stabbed in her upper back, then shrieked again as the blade was ripped out. Wide-eyed and wild as her Klingon blood burned at the thought that someone would attack her from being like a coward, Torres spun around and came face to face with the same Klingon that she'd been fighting, although he wasn't holding a bat'leth this time, and only his kut'luch as he had before the ritual of the twenty painstiks...and he had none of his previous injuries.

Before B'Elanna could say anything, he demanded, "nuHlIj Dawlvpu', vaj yISuv! (You have chosen your weapon, so fight!)"

"What the fuck is going on?" Torres asked flabbergasted, but speaking though clenched teeth due to the pain in her shoulder. "Why did you stab me!"

"You have dishonored me, P'taQ! Now fight!" came back the Klingon, lunging at B'Elanna.

Jumping out of the way, B'Elanna readied herself again and told herself in her head that as soon as she killed this guy, she was going to get the hell out of the holodeck because there was definitely something wrong. If this had been any other program, she'd had ended it already, but her blood was too crazed at this point and she was too determined to see this through and defend her honor. She'd prefer if he had a bat'leth, since she now she felt like she had an unfair advantage and that told her she'd win a hollow victory. So, with that mindset, she tossed aside her larger weapon and yanked out her own knife as he turned around and glowered at her.

Snarling, Torres held up her knife, then baited him, excited and charged, with her other hand, "Come on! Or are you too chicken to fight me from the front?"

When the warrior started toward her and took a swipe with his knife, Torres jumped back, bringing her dagger across and grazing his arm, and when he recovered quickly and lunged at her again, she side-stepped him, turned the knife in her hand and drove it into his stomach from the side. As he stumbled back, he grabbed her arm as she tried to pull her knife out and managed to slice her forearm as he toppled all the way back.

Hissing in pain as her skin was evenly severed, the chief jumped back a few steps, not able to take her knife with her. As her opponent struggled on the ground, B'Elanna brought her hand to her wound to try and stop the blood that was flowing steadily out of deep gash, and when he ripped the knife from his midsection and crawled uneasily to his feet, spitting blood, but holding two knifes and looked, for the moment, steady enough to use them, Torres didn't hesitate to scurry over to the bat'leth she thrown down. Having just enough time to snatch it up, B'Elanna brought the weapon to her waist and fended off his weakened aggression, snapping the end of the bowed weapon down and forcing his kut'luch from his hand when it got hung up in her weapon. Just as quickly, she turned the weapon over with a flick of her hands, brought the bat'leth up and cracked the handled end against his chin, lifting her foot at the same time to push him back as he lowered his weapon and made for her stomach.

When she was again cut, although this time not as badly, on her leg she'd brought up, B'Elanna grunted at the pain while her opponent fell backward, and not taking any chances this time, she whirled her weapon around, and with an instinctual warrior's crow, she drove one of the ends of the bat'leth into his chest, the force of her blow powerful enough to push through his dense sternum and all the way into his internal organs.

Sighing heavily as he twitched then feel lifeless, Torres heaved, exhausted and bloodied, as she fell to one knee and snatched up her QIS from his limp hand. Breathing labored, she returned it her waist, and said as she grabbed her heavily damaged arm, wincing, "Computer, end program."

The program did not end as requested.

The man at her feet did disappear though, and so did his knife, but he and his twin soon reappeared from one of the tunnels…and both of them had painstiks…and they were headed straight for her.

"Computer, freeze program!" Torres yelled, her teeth slightly clentched, getting to her feet and snatching up the bat'leth. When no command was registered, and the characters continued toward her, though they were a ways off and were cheering excited and eager as they had when they first appeared, B'Elanna barked, "Computer exit!"

But no exit formed.

"Shit!" Torres spat as she started to back up from the center of the room when the warriors pointed to her and made reference that she was the initiate."Computer arch!" When still nothing happened, nothing at all except that the holoprogram continued to play on, although certainly not how she had programmed it, she demanded, no longer concerned about her honor since she was certain that she'd more that proven worthy of it, "Computer, reengage the safety protocols!"

"Warning: disengaging safety protocols presents extreme risk of injury."

"What the hell!" Torres screamed as the Klingons stopped in the middle of the room and demanded that she come finish what she started. Staying back, Torres said, "Computer…can you recognize my voice?"

"Affirmative."

Sighing at that, she nodded, still backing up some, and asked, "Can you open a communications channel ?"

"Negative."

"Why not!"

"Unable to process request."…"Warning: disengaging safety protocols presents extreme risk of injury."…"Unable to process request."

"No, you stupid bitch!" Torres cursed, then snapped her head up at the Klingons who were yelling at her. Not sure what to do, knowing she had to get to the console that was hidden at the opening of one of the caves so she could try to manually shut down the program, B'Elanna said to them as she slowly started toward the cave, keeping a wide distance between them and the painstiks, knowing full well that even if the safeties were on, they hurt…bad, and if she was stuck in here, she'd need all her strength in case more knife wielding Klingon's appeared and informed her that she'd dishonored them in some manner, "What do you want!"

"You must finish what you've started!" growled one of the men. "First you will go through the ritual of twenty painstiks, and then you will fight a master of the bat'leth."

"I already did all of that," Torres came back quickly. Holding out her arm, she said, "Look, I've been cut…but I already defended my honor. I've finished the ritual…so don't bother."

After both of them looked around, the other male said, "If you're already fought, then where is your opponent?"

Sighing as she took a few more steps toward the cave, blinking and forcing herself to stay focused despite the three wounds she'd already incurred, Torres said, "I killed him! He's dead…gone…end of story."

"Then where is his body?"

"A big, fat, hungry targ came just before you got here and dragged him away," she lied through her teeth, trying to by time and she continued to walk. Pointing in the that direction, she said, "His blood's over there…go see for yourselves."

"Are you afraid of a painstik, P'taQ!"

Changing tactics, Torres snarled, holding up her bat'leth, "Are you challenging my honor?" When he huffed at her and lunged with the stick, as she figured he would, B'Elanna swung her weapon, cracking him over the wrist, but making sure not to hit the club because she'd rather have it for herself. When he slumped forward, dropping his energy weapon from the force of the blow, she drove her weapon to his chin and sent him back. Quickly, she slung her bow over her shoulder and snatched up the painstik, then held it out toward the other approaching warrior and snarled, "I told you, I've already done that! Now get the hell out of here and let me do my work!"

"Klingons don't flee!" rallied the other man.

Nodding, Torres said, "Fine, see how you like it…" then jabbed him with the stick, aiming at his arm that was holding the club since she knew the power of the painstik was enough to most likely make him lose his grip on it. When he dropped it, she zapped him twice more in the stomach, then kicked at his knees and knocked him down. Whirling around, she inflicted two more of the electric wounds on the other Klingon who was getting to his feet, and when he faltered for a split second, she kicked at his knees too and knocked him from his upright position. Picking up the other stick, she took a deep breath and shook her head at the light-headedness she was starting to feel while her systems tried to keep up the with the continued exertion, her human mind trying to work out the problem, and the Klingon blood in her the refused to subside its ferious churning since she was in danger.

Just as she was starting to get her barrings again and overcome her nausea, the warriors she taken down started to their feet and several more came out of the tunnel across the way…and all of them were carrying bat'leth's…and none of them were merry men.

Marching down the hallway after coming out of the Jefferies Tube, mad as hell which came out rather clearly in the crispness of her cocky swagger and how she kept popping her hand at her wrist just slightly while she clenched her jaw, Kathryn Janeway was more than relieved that this section of the deck was deserted because she was having a very difficult time not mumbling to herself. She knew she was letting Carey's words get to her way too much, but right now, especially since she was alone, she was having a hard time putting them away. She further knew that her concern for B'Elanna and the seemingly endless waiting was not at all helping her patience, but really…just who the hell did Lieutenant Carey think he was?

Kathryn wasn't a woman of violence, nor did she believe it was anywhere near acceptable for a Starfleet captain to go around punching people simply because she didn't care for the words that came out of their mouths, but she was pretty damned certain she wanted to pop her engineer for having the nerve to make such crass and unkind assumptions about her relationships. Stopping her angry stride before she turned the corner for the turbolift, she took a moment as placed her hands on her hips to take a few deep breaths and calm down. She'd never admit it to anyone, but she also knew what was really getting to her this time.

Her feelings had been hurt...only mildly since Janeway really was a tough woman when it came down to it, but the truth was there, and she knew it had occured because the moment had come as such a suprise to her and she was operating with less than her usual defenses fully functional.

That situation didn't come about very often for a woman like Kathryn, and she knew that this was a vulnerable area for her, but what was really hurting her wasn't so much what he said, or how he said it, it was that he said it at all. That he, a Starfleet officer and member of her original crew, was behaving in such a manner. She knew it certainly wasn't the first time those words had probably been spoken, and probably not the first time by a Starfleet officer, but it was the first time she'd heard them out of someone's mouth that prior to the event, she thought more of. She expected that kind of talk out of Paris, and others like him…but she'd never expected it from Lieutenant Carey…not in a million years. It seemed so unlike him to her…but then again…did she really know him? Did she really know most of her crew? Maybe that was part of what was getting at her too? The realization that maybe they weren't as close as she thought…

"Stop it, Kate," the captain barked out loud, reprimanding herself quickly before her thoughts and fears and insecurities started spinning out of control."He's just frustrated and looking for someone to take it out on...let it go." Sighing heavily, Janeway rubbed her forehead, then her neck as she continued to pace and then said, "This is ridiculous…I'm standing in the hall talking to myself for Christ sake."

When she heard a muffed series of explosions and the lights on the deck flickered, Janeway whirled around, wide-eyed toward the sound as the console that ran the length of the wall next to her started shooting sparks and blowing apart. As the series of explosions headed her way quickly as every relay channel and sensor node in the feed back pulse's wake overloaded and blew apart, Kathryn dove to the ground, covering her head on instinct, just as the console next to her sent searing hot pieces of various metals and elements across the hallway.

"SSSssssaaaahhh!" Janeway hissed as several of the molten pieces landed on her neck and her bare hands, and began burning her flesh immediately. Rolling over and hurriedly shaking the scorching bits from her exposed flesh, the captain crawled to her feet after tentatively looking up, almost expecting the console to continue to explode, uncaring as to her injuries since they were hardly severe, as the red alert klaxon sounded automatically whenever such an event was detected by the internal sensors. As she ran toward the Jefferies Tube hatch, certain that the first series of explosions she'd heard had come from the distribution center where Kim and Carey still were, she tapped her communicator and yelled as she sprinted, "Janeway to Engineering!"

"Captain, " Seven started anxiously as the scene behind her became chaotic as sensor warnings started sounding all over the place telling them that half of Deck Seven's relay system was basically just annihilated, "the entire starboard circuit on Deck Seven had just been overloaded. Ensign Kim and Lieutenant Carey have not responded to my hails."

"I'm on that deck and in the Jefferies Tube now," Kathryn reported as she opened the door and dove into the tunnel, crawling as fast as she could.,"What's the status of the other circuit?"

"Stand by," Seven said quickly as she did her best to command the computer to re-route all requests that would pass through the distribution center and get a reading on the other circuit. Forgetting herself, she informed quickly, "It has been compromise, Kathryn…as well as the holodeck."

"Shut it down!" Janeway ordered without having to think about it as she opened the hatch to the distribution center. She wasn't certain what B'Elanna's reaction would be, but she couldn't have an entire deck's sensor relays blowing apart while one of her senior officers was in the holodeck with the safeties off…and she just prayed that B'Elanna would understand that the welfare of her ship just had to come first and foremost. As she climbed out of the hatch and saw Kim and Carey lying on the floor with burn marks on their faces as Seven of Nine informed her that she was attempting to comply, but having difficulty getting the systems to respond to her commands, Kathryn ran up to her fallen crewmembers and said hurried, pressing her hand to Carey's neck to test for a pulse, "Seven, if you can't do it from there, then get down to the holodeck and get her out of there…I don't care what it takes! Janeway out." Then tapping her communicator again as she checked Kim, sighing in relief since both of them were alive, "Janeway to Sickbay…Ensign Kim and Lieutenant Carey have been injured…initiate an emergency transport!"

Once both of their bodies began to dematerialize, Janeway pushed herself to her feet again and said after she tapped her communicator and started back through the hatch, "Janeway to Seven…report!"

"I'm in the turbolift and headed for the holodeck, Captain…Lieutenant Fowler is on her way as well."

As she crawled and reached the end of the tunnel, Kathryn didn't ask anymore questions since she knew that Seven would operate in the most efficient manner, and if she did not feel she could command the computer from Engineering since the data would have to pass through the distribution center to get there, and frankly, that room had seen better days, then she would attempt to get it to respond at the source, and said, "I'll meet you there. Janeway out."

Pushing open the door, Kathryn swiveled her legs and hopped down, didn't bother to shut the hatch and took off as fast as she was able for the other side of the ship. The distribution center was on the starboard, aft side of her vessel, and the main holodeck was on the port toward the bow, which meant that once again she'd be flying through the corridors of her ship on the race of her life. While she sprinted, something struck her as funny, and even though she figured Seven had already tried it, she wasn't certain so she had to give it a shot. Tapping her communicator, she said, "Janeway to Torres!"

After a few seconds when nothing came back, Kathryn swallowed as she ran, then picked up the pace and barked, "Computer, locate Lieutenant Torres!"

"Lieutenant Torres is in Captain Janeway's quarters."

Sighing, Janeway mumbled, "Goddammit, B'Elanna," since she knew that meant that her lover wasn't in her quarters, but only her communicator was. The captain wasn't really surprised that Torres wasn't wearing her communicator, and even though it was breaking protocol, she couldn't blame her, and knew she wouldn't reprimand her either because it was clear that this ritual was very private and she was attempting for a short time to put everything else except her Klingon heritage away, and if she wore her communicator, there was always a chance someone would interrupt her. Rounding the final corner, Janeway tore down the hallway as Seven of Nine came into view from the opposite direction, running at a full sprint as well.

The Borg didn't have as far to go, so she made it to the holodeck quickly, and not wasting a second, or worrying about herself even though her next action would be putting her cybernetic systems, and thus her life since they were as much a part of her as her organic systems were, in serious jeopardy considering the uncontrollable state of the data flow, she extended her assimilation tubules and interfaced directly with the holodeck, completely fearless of the risk to herself and determined to use the abilities that only she possesed to rescue not only the woman she loved, but her dear friend and partner. Seven simply couldn't imagine life without B'Elanna Torres anymore, and not only did she never want to, but she certainly never wanted to do know that she'd lost her when there was something she could do about it. As Janeway approached and barked at her to be careful, since Janeway was more than aware of what kind of a risk her Borg was taking interfacing with a system that was encountering such problems, Seven shook her head an said, "It is chaotic, Captain…I am having difficulty accessing the necessary systems."

"Captain!" Fowler bellowed from down the hall she was bounding through.

"Can you get the door open!" Janeway barked as her nerves began to fray and tatter since both Torres and Seven were now in mortal danger...and not just because she loved them, although that was a huge part of it, but because they were both completely irreplaceable members of her crew...and she needed them like she needed the warp core and air to breathe.

Squinting, Seven mumbled as she attempted to use all of her resources to work faster than the computer, while she was bombarded with streaming, corrupted data, but that was rather difficult since her neural processor wasn't nearly as fast as the starship's, "I'm trying…Captain…It's…"

As Fowler reached their destination and Seven grunted in agony at the exertion and the pain it was causing her to fight off the data replication and try to work quickly at the same time, Kathryn grabbed her and demanded, scared out of her wits and having to make the decision to ensure the safety of at least one of her crewmen, "Seven stop! We'll find another way!" Kathryn hated that decision, hated having to make it, but she was the captain and it was her burden to bare alone...sometimes, sometimes it wasn't so good to be the captain.

But Seven wasn't going to let Kathryn bare that burden...not if there was anything she could do about it. Janeway might be her captain, but she was her lover first and foremost, in Seven's mind, as was B'Elanna Torres and such an action was unacceptable to the Borg. She would not make Kathryn have to chose between them simply because the redhead's duty demanded it. She was Borg...she wasn't Starfleet.

When the captain again ordered her to stop, her command crackling like the embers of a roaring inferno, Seven did finally stop, but not until she was able to command the door to open because she knew, short of blowing the door wide open, there was no other way to get into the holodeck or get Torres out, and the closest weapons locker was on the other side of the ship. Transportation was impossible in the room when a program was running because the matter exchange that made the simulations possible confused the transporter system entirely too much. Retracting her tubes instantly, Seven spun as at the same time Torres's cry of pain and rage was clearly heard above the clanging of metal, and worse, so was the sound of the doors closing.

"Shit!" Fowler yelled as she stepped in front of the doors, preparing to hold them open, but knew she'd never be able to do it alone, then yelled, "Seven!"

Seven was at the doors immediately, and between both of the largest women they were able to keep them open, but for how long was anyone's guess, and unfortunately, B'Elanna was in no condition to make it to safety since not only was she swinging her bat'leth wildly with one arm, while she held the other bloodied one to her side, but she was down on her knees and looked to be just seconds away from defeat. Taking a deep breath in the next second, Seven of Nine pushed Fowler away into the holodeck and demanded, "Save her!" as she lifted her left leg and pressed her body between the doors until she was holding them open like a wedge, completely vertical, taking the brunt of the pressure on her left, stronger side, again using only the abilities that she possessed, using them for all they were worth, to save her B'Elanna, and to furthermore save Kathryn since she figured losing Torres in such a manner would destory the redhead's spirit irrevocably.

Her mind going a mile a minute, Janeway flinched as B'Elanna's bat'leth was knocked from her hands and in the next beat, as she ran up to the doors, ducked under Seven, commanding her to hold on in a manner she often used with the Borg since Seven often responded well to such direct orders when her strength or emotional reserve was waning, and pushed backward on them as much as she could, leaving the fighting to Fowler since she was certainly more capable than she, B'Elanna lunged forward, completely weaponless now and tackled her aggressor. Kathryn couldn't tell for certain, but Torres looked so completely gone into her survivalist instinct that she didn't think B'Elanna was even aware that help was on the way.

As B'Elanna's weapon was knocked away a second before she jumped on the lone warrior left, Fowler raced toward her, yelling at her to hang on, while Janeway and Seven started to lose their battle with the door, as it inched closed a little more every few seconds. Fowler watched in amazement while she ran as Torres, who was bloodied and battered from head to toe, growled like a wild animal as she thrust her shoulder into the male's midsection and sent them both backward, then surged up, grabbed his bat'leth that he was bringing down, and while she uncaringly and feriously pushed the heavy weapon back, leaving him exposed, she ripped the knife from his holster that she managed to grab onto, at the same time, and drove it into his chest.

Skidding to a halt a few meters in front of her, Fowler said, fearful and anxious as her friend ripped the knife from his chest, looked up and snarled at her, "Torres? T...T it's me...Nick."

"Nick...hurry!" Kathryn cried out, although still commandingly, labored as the door had closed enough that she was now pressing against it with her back and her legs as Seven of Nine hovered right upon her and started to grunt and shake at the strain as her strength began to weaken quickly while the blonde's spinal column, joints and adjoining mucles were compressed unnaturally, not to mention painfully.

When Torres blinked as if she just recognized her best friend, then looked down and around and started to tremble and cry, Fowler wasted no more time, and even though she didn't know the extent of her friend's injuries since she was pretty much a disaster area, she ran up to Torres, hauled her up, throwing her over her shoulder, turned and started running toward the door, then said, "Shit," as several more bat'leth and painstik wielding Klingons came out of the caverns to her left and right, charging toward the fleeing women.

Coming to a halt at the door, Fowler quickly set Torres down, handed her off to Janeway's lap who struggled to pull the battered brunette across her body, but didn't attempt to move from the opening until Fowler was in place holding the door as best she could from her position. Once Kathryn had moved, Fowler said, "Seven, let go on three and I'll push us through…alright?" When the flushed Borg, whose eyes were closed tight just grunted, Fowler said, "One, two…three!" not having anymore time to prepare since the band of rebel holoprograms was closing in on their position and she was still inside the hologrid enough that they could attack her.

When the exhausted Borg let her body go limp, Nicole surged forward, catching the gangly body of the ex-drone and thrust them past the threshold with plenty of force so their legs wouldn't get caught in the doors, that were clearly under that influence of the defective sensor relay system since it was supposed to never close if it detected a physical presence in the seam.

As Fowler and Seven came to a heavy crash landing on the floor, Janeway pressed one hand to Torres' nasty gash on her forearm to stop the bleeding, then pressed her other to B'Elanna's forehead and asked, doing her very best to honor B'Elanna and not just override her wishes because she knew Klingons were very sensitive about seeking medical attention, and since she hadn't discussed such a situation with Torres yet, she'd planned on doing that tomorrow, she thought it best to ask since Torres was still conscious, although it looked like barely, "Will you let me take you to Sickbay…please, Lanna…let me take you?" However, if she didn't like the answer, she wasn't sure she'd honored it.

Reaching up and grabbing Janeway's tunic at her mid-section, balling her fist, Torres croaked through her blood-stained teeth, as her eyes started to close of their own accord and her pulse grew faint, pulling the captain down toward her marred face, "Today is…a good day…to live…"

"Where's my honor!" growled Chief Engineer, B'Elanna Torres, daughter of Miral a few moments after she regained consciousness, surging up in the biobed and speaking to the holographic Doctor, who was running a medical tricorder over her, or at least attempting to do so, to check up on the many repairs he had to make to the brunette's body a little over twelve hours ago.

Sighing, the Doctor rolled his eyes and said, "Lieutenant, please…lie down!" When B'Elanna snarled at him, the Doctor said, placing his hand on her shoulder and pushing her down gently since there was no fear that she could hurt him…although he was slightly unnerved by the story of a twenty or so holographic Klingon's she'd slain--that thankfully only attacked her one or two at a time, out of honor—before she passed out completely since she'd demanded not be sedated. "I'm not an expert in Klingon culture…but I don't think you've lost your honor…quite the opposite actually."

"My shield…where is it!" Torres demanded, grabbing his hand by the wrist and pulling him down toward her chest.

Understanding now, the Doctor changed his matrix, but only in that hand, so her hand would simply pass through his form, and answered in his irritating, often pompous and superior attitude as Torres' grip fell away from him, "That captain has your things. I assume," he went on, resuming his scans, "that she took them to have them cleaned since they were…unpleasant…to say the least."

Torres sighed in relief for a moment, then snapped as the events completely came back to her. "Did she take my ring? What about my QIS? Where's my knife…QIS…knife!" asked B'Elanna cranky and agitated, especially when he looked at her funny when she used a Klingon term and his seemed as though he didn't understand, so she had to repeat her question.

The photonic Doctor opened his mouth to answer her questions when the doors to Sickbay parted, and for once he was ecstatic to see the captain entering this room since she was typically rather cranky herself whenever had to do so because this was well-known as her least favorite section of her vessel. Amending his answer as B'Elanna growled at him and spat, "Answer me! DaH!" the Doctor said, "Why don't you ask her yourself."

"What's going on here?" asked the captain, instantly authoritative and prepared to shut both of them up since she knew how irritating the Doctor could be and how easily ruffled her engineer could be as well.

Quickly, Janeway moved toward the far biobed where Torres was starting to sit up in--the rest of the medical bay empty since Kim and Carey's wounds hadn't been nearly as severe as B'Elanna's--carrying Torres' shinny new shield over her right shoulder. She also had her thick, silver ring slipped on her own thumb, although it didn't even close to fit since her lover's fingers where naturally shorter and thicker than her own. When B'Elanna sat up at the sound of her voice and her frown instantly turned into a smile as she saw the metal sash resting on her shoulder, Janeway nodded in instant understanding and said coming up to B'Elanna, handing over the shield, "I believe this is yours, Miss Torres?"

Grabbing it eagerly with the same look she'd had on her face when Janeway had given her the alien tools in the Delta Flyer, and putting it on, even though she was still wearing her hospital gown, which caused the Doctor to sigh and give up for the moment, closing his tricorder and mumbling as he walked away, "Klingons…" Torres ignored him completely, ran her hand across the thick, chain-mesh, then muttered, "Thanks."

Kathryn carefully urged B'Elanna to lie back down and said as she took her hand and perched on the bed next to her, "You're welcome." Taking the ring off her finger, she held it up to show her she had it, then informed as she slipped it back onto Torres' thumb, "Once we were able to shut the holoprogram down, I got your knife too…it's in your cabin waiting for you." Clearing her throat, she added fairly lightly, hoping to appeal to B'Elanna's very keen sense of humor that sometimes shades to the darker side of things, "I didn't have it cleaned since…well, I wasn't certain what the…protocol…was concerning that." When Torres expelled the air from her lungs and nodded, Kathryn reached up and asked as she ran her knuckles over Torres' ridges and cheekbones, "How are you feeling?" highly concerned for her officer on many, many levels because from what she'd witnessed in the holodeck, the condition of her engineer and the holograms around her, not to mention the large amount of blood and other bodily fluids they had to clean up in the room, and the research they'd conducted about the problems with the program, it didn't take a genius of any order to know Torres must have gone through hell…Day of Honor indeed.

"Honestly," Torres smiled her crazy grin, "I feel like shit…but," running her hand over her shield again, "I'm getting better by the minute."

Looking down at the sash across her lover's chest, Janeway dropped her hand to it and said as she ran her palm over it, "This is very beautiful…it suits you," understanding completely why B'Elanna continued to caress the ornament since she'd come very, very close to death trying to defend her right to wear it.

"Yea, it's alright," Torres chuckled just once, nervous, then couldn't help but sigh at the expression of worry on her captain's face. Since the Doctor had escaped to his office and shut the door, which left them alone for the moment, Torres said freely, "Red, don't look at me with that tone of voice," smirking, trying to make a joke, feeling the need to laugh before she either cried or screamed, "you know I can't take it."

Kathryn sighed just once as she forced her eyes away from B'Elanna's now perfect face, not sure she'd ever get the image of Torres' blood splattered and bruised complexion from her mind, recalling how she'd pulled her down and managed to tell her she wanted to live before she started coughing up blood and bile from her internal injuries. Clearing her throat as B'Elanna grabbed her hand and kissed her knuckles, Janeway said, "I'm sorry…I can't help myself." When Torres nodded and told her she knew, Kathryn did manage a smile at that, then went on as she entwined her fingers with the chief's, "Seven and Nick send their love. I'm not sure where Nick is right now, but Seven's recharging," she purposefully used B'Elanna's own term for regeneration to elicit a snicker out of her lover, which she got, "or she'd have been here."

"What time is it anyhow?"

"Um," Kathryn started, then shook her head and shrugged slightly, "I don't know, honestly…it's probably the early morning though."

Torres frowned at that and asked, "You've been up all night?"

"Mmmhmm," Kathryn nodded quickly. "The holodeck wasn't that only disaster area, you know." Waving one arm around, she reported, "Biometric's circuit completely overloaded," grinning crookedly, "and tried to take my head off this time." Before Torres could say or do anything other than start to rise up, Janeway pushed her back down and said, "But everything has been taken care of and the clean-up is happening as we speak…so there's nothing for you to do except rest."

Sighing, Torres asked, cranky, "What the hell happened?"

"It took us a while to figure it out, but the primary routines that control Deck Seven had also adapted, but they were acting as a back-up…like a contingency plan of some sort." Rubbing her forehead just once, Kathryn went on, "Once we fixed the sub-routines, the primary ones began adapting to the change and ended up undoing all that you did, and when the circuit started having difficulty, it began routing to the other one slowly, but then focused all the data replication on it when the other circuit finally overloaded. I assume that's why we couldn't get the computer to respond to our requests to end the program…Seven barely got the holodeck doors open long enough to become the human door stop." When B'Elanna turned up one corner of her cheek at that, not for the first time thinking of Seven as a superhero worthy of comic book status, Janeway added, grinning herself, "After Nick got you out of there, we just shut the whole deck down and Seven went through the primary routines and cleaned them up. We've checked the rest of the decks and rechecked the computer core, and it looks like we're in the clear for now. She thinks she's figured out a way to have the computer alert us immediately of any similar malfunctions…so, once you get back to work, the two of you will have plenty to do since she says she 'requires your input.'"

Trying to make light of a pretty bad situation, B'Elanna said, "Well, I guess it's a good thing I was running a Klingon program since it's not very honorable to gang up on someone." Shaking her head and sighing, she had to say, "At least I only had to fight them one at a time." Then barking once in laughter as she felt her emotion bubbling up in her, she managed, "Although, I did get to zap a few of them with painstiks…that part what pretty cool."

When Torres' eyes welled up and she threw her hand over her face, Janeway paused for a moment as she squeezed B'Elanna's other hand, then decided that the best thing right now was not to attempt to coddle her Klingon, but speak proudly of her victory, so she started somewhat shaking, having to fight her emotions since she'd never been good at remaining dry-eyed when someone else was weeping in her presence, "From what Seven tells me of her analysis of the program, you fought off sixteen of them…and that was after finishing both rituals. I don't really know if that's just another day at the office for a Klingon…but Seven said it was 'impressive'…high praises from her, you know?"

Sniffling, Torres took her hand away, wiping her eyes and nodded, then laughed and managed, "Only sixteen?" Swallowing, she croaked, "I thought it was a least fifty…must have been the blood wine screwing…with," she started to cry again, "my…mind." Not able to help herself, B'Elanna surged up and threw her arms around Janeway's neck in the same manner she'd done after the Barge of the Dead incident. As Kathryn held her tight and rubbed her back, telling her it was okay to cry and she'd more than earned it, Torres balled into her neck, clutching at Kathryn for dear life as she shuddered and heaved, and mumbled through her chaotic emotions, "I didn't…I didn't give up, but they kept coming…and…and I couldn't even see anymore…I couldn't even feel my body…and all I could do was fight." Taking a deep, quaking breath, she went on, "I didn't want to die like that…not like that," pulling away, she wiped her face and mumbled, "that's not a good way to die…even with honor…it's shitty."

As Kathryn nodded, Torres pulled her close again, inhaling deeply and informed, "I don't care what anyone thinks, Kathryn…I don't want to die today, or tomorrow, or the day after that." Rubbing her hands down Janeway's back, she started mumbling, not quite thinking clearly but just needing to express her desire to live…to live with honor. "I want to be with you and Seven…and I want to us to grow old and fat, and I don't want to die until Seven makes a mistake…until she grows old and fat too…then that day will be a good day to die…but only then…only until Seven's fat and stupid."

Laughing in amazement an emotion, Kathryn pulled away and said misty eyed as she ran her thumb across Torres' ridges, "Then I guess we should plan to live forever…because I'm not sure that will ever happen."

"Then we'll live forever," Torres nodded once, stern and forceful. Smiling, "I'm sure Seven can figure it out…"

"Oh, I love you, B'Elanna Torres…Klingon," Janeway whispered, leaning forward as she sniffled and managed to maintain her composure even though she'd just faced yet another day for the records books. "I love you so much," she said again against her lips as she kissed her openly, uncaring that someone could walk in on them at any moment. Slowly as she kept control of the kiss instead of relinquishing it as she normally did with her lovers, the captain eased Torres back down onto the padded surface of the biobed, but continued to kiss her softly from where she perched next to her and braced herself over the brunette with her arms. Then as she heard the sound of the office door hissing open and then the hologram sigh and clear his throat, Kathryn took her time easing away from B'Elanna's lips, lightly pecking her a few more times while the Doctor approached and said, "If you don't mind, Captain…I'd like to see to my patient now."

Chuckling as Torres growled deep and low in a playful manner as the brunette glanced over at the hologram, Kathryn gave B'Elanna's upper arm a firm squeeze, mouthing an I love you, then said as she removed herself from the biobed, "Now Lieutenant, you're under orders to lie back and let the Doctor have a look at you. If he thinks you're well enough, he'll let you go home and rest…and remember," she smirked as the Doctor rolled his eyes and opened his tricorder, "he's a hologram…so you can't break his nose."

"Aye, Captain," Torres smiled as Janeway walked away, perfectly willing to lie back and rest now that she had her honor firmly draped across her chest.

"And Doctor," the captain finished in the seam of the door, turning around halfway and grinning crookedly, "take good care of my Klingon…she's the only one I've got."

Stardate: 50394.2     Subject: Honor Rule #1 -- In case of death, save! Today I am Lt. B'Elanna Torres, daughter of Miral...the engineer and the warrior. I have shown my heart and I have traveled the river of blood. I have honor and I have defended it the Klingon way...not the coward's way, and even though I was carried from the field of battle because I couldn't walk, I have no dishonor because I never surrendered. I refused to let them kill me, not because I was afraid to die, but because I wanted to live... I don't really know what this is about yet, but I've decided to start making personal logs again, and I'm going to write them like Seven does since she says it helps her bring 'order to chaos.' I'm not sure what that means exactly since whenever she gets extra Borg on me she leaves me in the dust, but she is the smart one in this family…so I thought I'd give it a shot since I'm not any good at speaking about these kinds of things. Not that I'm any good at writing them either, but I'm going to try, and hopefully these will be easier to understand than my last logs. Qapla' Anyway, I'm making these logs for three people: 1. For myself, so I can continue to learn 2. For my mother, so she can read about my life as a warrior and a Starfleet officer 3. And most importantly, for our kid(s), whenever we get around to having some and when they're old enough, because I want them to know what it means to have honor To have honor, you have the courage to admit your mistakes. There is no dishonor in that. If you can't fail, you can't succeed…and if you can't be shamed, then you can't have honor...and any Klingon will tell you that. So, going with that, it's time to confess some things…some things I've never admitted to anyone but myself. I'm just as much to blame for what happened with me and Tom (He was my parmaqqay before your moms). I was really stupid and irresponsible…and so was he, but I'm the one who said something I didn't mean. I told him I loved him just because I was scared to die and I was lonely and confused and didn't understand what was happening to me. I hoped that if I said that, then he would love me too…and that's all I wanted. I just wanted someone to love me so I could love me…but you know, kid, it never works like that. I'm to blame because after that, well…when I realized that my big 'plan' to love myself wasn't working at all, I pushed him away. I probably pushed him away more than he pushed me away at first, and then I got mad when he didn't pay attention to me anymore…just to get mad. I used to do that a lot. I used to make situations bad on purpose so I could get mad and take out my anger at myself on someone else. That's not a good way to live. Life is hard enough on its own, and that's okay, it's not supposed to be easy, but don't go looking for trouble. And I'm to blame for not walking away and being too scared to be a failure. I held onto a lie for three years because I was too scared to say I was wrong…and that's disgraceful…don't ever do that. We all make mistakes, we're all stupid idiots, but what makes us dishonorable is when you realize that you were wrong, you don't stand up and say so, then change it. Don't put off matters of honor…if a change needs to happen, then make it happen, don't wait…and you'll keep your honor, even if you were wrong. You're probably wondering why I'm thinking about that right now. Well, I'm thinking about it because I'm not wrong this time…because I don't love your moms because I want them to love me and make me feel good…I love them because I love them…because I want them to feel love…and that makes it right. Don't get me wrong, it's great that they love me too, but it matters to me more that I love them and that they know that. Maybe that's not true for everyone, but it works for me…and I think if you asked them if it matters more to them that the rest of us know they love us, they'd say yes…that's what makes it special, and that's how I know I'm not wrong this time. And I'm thinking about that because for the first time since I can remember, I don't hate myself…and I don't need anyone to tell me that I shouldn't hate myself to feel that way. I don't hate myself because I don't…because I have fought to get my honor. I fought as hard as I've ever fought in my life, maybe as hard as I'll ever have to fight, and I fought and almost died to keep it. It wasn't just handed to me like I used to think it should be done…you have to fight for your honor, and defend it, or it's worthless. And I don't hate myself anymore because I'm doing important things…and I'm doing them all the way, and I don't ever plan to give up. It's not even an option. Before in the back of my mind I used to always tell myself that everything was stupid and pointless and that I didn't need anyone to tell me how to live my life, and I always left. I walked away from everything that ever mattered, but hung onto everything that didn't. I walked away from my mom, from Starfleet Academy, I probably would have walked away from the Maquis too if we hadn't got stuck out here in the Delta Quadrant. And I know I would have walked away from Voyager if I didn't have anywhere else to go…but I was stuck, and it was a good thing for me to get stuck because I finally had to stay in a place long enough to realize what an idiot I'd been…and to realize that the only thing that needed to change was me…nothing else. I used to think everyone else was wrong and that they needed to change...some of them did need to change, and some of them were wrong...but so was I. Since these logs are about honor, I want to tell you a something about your mother, Kathryn, that you might not know. I'm not sure what her 'status' is going to be when you read these, but I want you to know and to believe in your heart that she is not a disgrace to Starfleet or humanity…or anything. I've never met anyone with as much honor as your mom…never. When I first met her, she scared the crap out of me because I knew that I was looking at someone who had honor…true honor…and a lot of it...and I didn't have any at that time. She might be a little woman, but she has big honor…and a big heart…and true power is in the heart...and any Klingon will tell you that. Don't ever believe anything different…no matter what anyone says…don't ever let their words dishonor her in your heart…and if they get really mouthy, punch them right in their nose, and say, "You dishonor my mother, P'taQ!" Oh, and don't tell her I told you to do that because she'll get mad at me…and you know how she gets. And if anyone ever tries to dishonor your other mom, Seven, do the same thing because she also has honor...lots, and lots of honor. The reason I'm telling you this is very important, so listen up. If it wasn't for Kathryn, then I wouldn't have any honor, and I would have died like all my Maquis friends that were killed by the Cardassians and the Dominion, and Seven would still be a Borg…and there wouldn't be an us. We wouldn't be a family, and there wouldn't be a you…so after you get done reading this, do me a favor and go see her. Make her stop whatever it is that she's doing, tell her 'thank you' and that you love her, then give her a big hug and kiss, and finally promise 'on your honor' to never, ever abandon her…and you should do that because she never, ever abandoned me and Seven, and she'll never abandon you…ever. And when she asks you why you're saying that, and she will, kid…trust me…just tell her that you just learned your first rule of honor: Don't ever abandon your mother.

fin