The Huntress

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I do not regret what I did, nor will I ever. It was the most logical action, despite what Captain Janeway ordered. I saved Voyager, I saved the crew, and I saved myself from trading my new found individuality for certain death. It is what I have been taught (ironically, by the captain herself), and I am not willing to surrender it so readily now that I see the valuable gift I was given. The enemy was destroyed, and we came out as the victors. We came out with our lives. Is that not worth the price of a creature who threatened the very existence of us all? I fail to understand why the captain does not see it as that. She still insists it is wrong to sacrifice one being for the lives of the rest, and yet she herself is an aggressor... If she truly maintained her principles of sparing the wellness of others before her crew, they would have all been dead dozens, if not hundreds of times over. By the Kazon, by the Borg, by the Hirogen.

By her own hands with the self-righteous decision of self-destruct. She came close more times than she would be willing to admit. She often sat on the fence between a holier-than-thou attitude and remembering that she was the captain of a star ship. She almost forgot her responsibilities.

She does not see that she is the huntress as well. She kills to live. Survival instincts course through her veins. Logic evades her when she is defending what she believes to be just. Kathryn Janeway is the defender of virtues held by her superiors who sit comfortably, safely behind desks over 60,000 light years away.

But she has adopted those virtues for reasons other than wanting to advocate morality.

It was an accident that I came across it. I was performing a routine check of the communication systems, and I found what I thought to be a defect. It turned out to be one of her personal logs that she stored somehow in a unit memory cell of the subprocessors. I suppose her intentions were to keep it from curious eyes, and she did her job well, except for I�m certain she never expected anyone to investigate it as a glitch. I was surprised at what I read.

I need to get them home, but the means we are equipped with are so restricting that I get discouraged easily. I am often tempted to go beyond the regulations of Starfleet and find any way I can to get this crew back to Earth. The quicker the better. But I don�t give into these temptations because it would be wrong. Starfleet would disapprove. Daddy would disapprove. He�s the reason why I am and why I stayed in this profession, and his ideals and integrity are what guide me though each day. I wouldn�t want to disappoint him, so I don�t do anything rash. He taught me everything important I need to know, and to just throw that all away would be to ignore what he so unselfishly gave me. I do this for him. When I don�t think I can take it anymore, I think of the last thing he said to me, and I know I can manage for atleast one more day. He said, �Kathryn, when we return to Earth, I�m going to tell Starfleet what a noble officer you have been. Even though you are my daughter and my subordinate, it is an honor to serve with you.�

I do this for him now. I don�t even bother convincing myself it�s for the crew anymore. I still hold onto the hope that somehow, when we get back to Earth, he will be there to welcome me, to congratulate me, to say how proud he is of me. I know it�s just a fantasy, but it�s what keeps me going. I want to see him one last time so he can see what a fine officer his little girl, his Golden Bird has become.

Captain Janeway intrigues me. She is an enigma: she has perhaps the most faces of anyone I know, and there is not way to tell which one will make its next appearance. She usually will not allow herself to reveal her true intentions and motives to everyone else, and this makes her understood by very few.

I am not one of those people.

This mysteriousness of hers is why Kathryn Janeway has become who she is now. This huntress takes charge of her own destiny...and those of others. That is how she maintains control. She dominates.

At times, I wonder if she abuses her authority. What she ordered me to do was to let us to be slaughtered by the Hirogen. She was willing to play her hand; she was willing to rely on inadequate pawns to win the game. I could not allow us to become the next trophies on the Hirogens� bulkheads, and I truly believe she is relieved someone else did the �dirty work� for her. She couldn�t have done it herself.

She is now dependent upon me. She pretends to take away my power and privileges, but both she and I know it�s all a facade for her secret insecurity and loss of control.

Now, I ask: How long will this continue? Will she have to depend on me to save everyone again? Will she be able to resist passing the baton?

Resistance is futile.

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Fini