Second Changes


Some days a person is more active than other days. Today I had a day on which I had not done very much. I had to invigilate during exams on the Starfleet Academy so I had ever time to think about my life. How I had progressed during the last 5 years I was on Earth now, what happened and how my life was complete different than I had it expected to be. It all started that day,  that day I heard I was pregnant…………..

That day I got a message from doctor Diana Stor. Dr. Stor was the doctor who examined me when I came home. When I came home to Earth. She was the first human doctor I saw in seven years. And to be honest I liked to talk to a real human doctor instead of always fighting with the hologram on Voyager. She was a tall woman, almost as tall as Seven. She seemed to be very qualified and, thank heaven, she treated me with respect but not like the hero all the other people thought I was.

I had done my job. Alright, it was a tough one but in the end it was just my job. I brought my people home, people who were stranded in the Delta Quadrant because of my decision. I did my job well but I could have done better if I had not let all those people die out there.

Everyone seemed to forget I lost people and therefore everyone thought I was a hero. As I said Dr. Stor treated me like a normal patient. I liked that.

 I was preparing for my fourth debriefing that week. It went on and on although it was absolutely clear that no charges would be held against me or any one else from my crew. Starfleet was more than happy to show a successful captain after the Dominion War. I and my crew were presented to the press as if we were all heroes. All of us were very busy but most of us were allowed to go home to their families and friends after three days. As far as I knew every one except the senior staff had been given permission to leave. Tuvok also was allowed to go to Vulcan because of his disease.

“Dr. Stor to Captain Janeway” my comm badge chirped. It still took some time to adapt to the fact that some one else than one of my crewmembers contacted me.

“Janeway here”

“Captain, I would like you to come to my office this afternoon. I would like to discuss something with you”

“I am sorry doctor but today is not a good day. I have to attend a briefing within half an hour and I expect it to last the whole day” I answered more than happy to have an excuse. That I was back on Earth and that I had a human doctor did not mean I was going to like doctors and everything they represented.

“I see, what about tomorrow ?” she insisted.

“I am afraid the rest of the week shows the same schedule so it will be difficult to see you. Can we discuss it now ?” I tried.

“No, that is not possible. What time are you ready today ?”

“Yesterday I was dismissed at 18.00 hours.”

“As your doctor I want you to have the possibility to eat properly so I expect you at 19.00 hours in my office. Stor out”

Damned it, I just was summoned to a doctor and she was so convinced of her right to expect me there that I could not do a thing against it. That was life back on Earth again.

~~~~~~~~

“Janeway to Seven” I contacted Seven of Nine

“Seven of Nine here, Captain.” came the crisp reply

“Seven, I am so sorry but I have to cancel our dinner date tonight. I have to go to doctor Stor at 19.00 hours and I do not know how long I will be there. I tried not to go but she did not let me off the hook. I am so sorry, I have not seen you for 4 days. Are you alright ?”

“I am alright as you call it. Today is my last briefing. I am ….” she seemed to search for the proper word “more than happy that it is over. They keep asking the same things several times and all of these things are in my reports. It is an inefficient way of gathering data.”

“I know Seven, but it makes them feel important. I will contact you tonight when I am home to see if we can make a new date. Good luck today”

“The same to you Captain.”

That was the last time in 6 years I spoke to Seven of Nine. If I just had known that moment.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The briefing lasted longer that I had anticipated so I had to skip dinner. When I was walking to Dr. Stor’s office I was wondering why she wanted to see me personally.

I felt very well, maybe a little tired the last days but that was to be expected after the events from the last weeks. First I met my counterpart Admiral Janeway, than I went home and meanwhile we destroyed the network from the Borg Queen. And once home I had barely a second to myself.

The food was also doing good to myself, my trousers felt like I was growing a little but that was also to be expected after Neelix’ food in the Delta Quadrant. I did not seem to get enough of the food here so it would be a miracle if I did not gain weight.

So overall I did not see a reason she wanted to see me. But you know with doctors, they even want to talk about something unimportant as your too high blood pressure.

“Good afternoon Doctor. You wanted to see me ?” I walked into Dr. Stor’s office. I intended to have this discussion over as soon as possible and no better way than to start the dialogue immediately.

“Good afternoon, Captain. How are you doing ?”

“I am feeling fine but you as you ordered” and I accentuated that word “me to show up here, you seem to think something is wrong.”

“I think you better sit down, captain” Dr. Stor said in a serious tone.

Now I was getting a little anxious. The doctor looked at me with a serious expression. I had a feeling that she would not tell me a thing before I was seated. So I sat down on one of the chairs in front of her desk.

“I think this will come as a surprise to you. When I was examining you two days ago you did not mention anything.” She stopped talking to look at me again. “You are pregnant……” she than added in a very calm, a little too calm voice keeping her facial expressions neutral.

My first reaction was to laugh at her and I did so.

“Dear doctor, I think you are more than a little mistaken. I cannot be pregnant. I have not slept with any one the last seven years”

When I looked at her I suddenly realized what I said. O, no, I just admitted that I have not had a single relation in the past seven years. And most people found it intriguing that I had a relation with Chakotay on New Earth or that I even kissed Kashek. I turned very red.

“You know of course what I mean” I tried to bluff my way out but Dr. Stor did not laugh at me.

“Captain, I regret that no one paid you that attention though I can not imagine that it had anything to do with a lack of suitable partners. You are a very remarkable and beautiful woman. People in the Delta Quadrant must be blind not to see that. I would ask you on a date myself if I was not so very in love with my own wife. ”

I looked at her more closely. I still felt very uncomfortable but I could see that she was serious. I than remembered she was a woman who was very proud to be a lesbian. She had had a very wild life. In the community she had the reputation of a hart breaker. Of course that was before she was married to her now wife.

“And I am sure she would rip my head off if I just gave any indication I even thought about you that way. She is very possessive.” She added dryly.

I looked at her again thankful for the distraction.

“Thank you” I said and I meant it. “ But you have to be wrong about the pregnancy, I really did not sleep with any one. Not that I not wanted it but even if I slept with the person I wanted, I would not be pregnant” I added thinking about Seven and my longing for her.

“Captain, we did some tests on you. I checked them twice and I do not have any other indications than that you are pregnant.” Dr. Stor kept pushing.

“There is a logical explanation for this”

Ough, I almost sounded like Seven now.

“Is there a possibility that you mixed my readings with some one else’s ?”

“No Captain. I understand that you do not want to believe this but maybe if I show you the evidence you will believe it. Why don’t you join me to the examination room.”

She was really serious. I still did not believe it, it could not be true. It was impossible. Period.

Together we went for the examination room. I lay down on the bed and she retrieved a device to scan my body. She also turned the monitor towards me so I could see what she was scanning.

Of course I do not know anything about scans and the human body so in the beginning the readings did not make any sense to me. But suddenly I saw something that attracted my attention.

“Wait, what is that ? That little point blinking inside me?” I asked.

“That Captain, is the child’s hart which is beating at a rate of 120 beats per minute……..”

I could only stare at the terminal in shock. This had to be wrong.  This could not be right. I was being fooled here. Someone was playing a trick with me. Or some one tampered with the equipment.

“I do not believe you. It is a trick.”

“Captain, it is not a trick, you are pregnant” Dr Stor replied evenly. No, that is not possible. You tampered with the scanner.” I accused her.

“Captain, no one tampered with the equipment. YOU ARE PREGNANT”

“No, I do not believe you. This cannot be true.”

Dr. Stor looked at me in disbelief.

“You think I fool you”

“Yes, or someone else does. I can not be pregnant. I did not, and I repeat, I did not sleep with anyone” I almost shouted at her. Why didn’t she want me to belief me. Why would I lie about such a thing.

“Captain, I believe you when you say you didn’t sleep with anyone. But my readings tell me you are pregnant. I am sorry”

“Why don’t you lay down and I scan you and we will see what readings we get.” I challenged here.

Now she really seemed to be anger.

“I am a qualified doctor and I know what I do. These readings show that you are pregnant. I cannot help it if you do not trust your own eyes”

“I do trust my own eyes but in the past years I also learned to trust my own instincts. And they now tell me you are wrong.”

She looked to me and one moment I was afraid that she would walk away and leave me here with this……how should I call it……. what was it…..with this…. blinking point in me. I started to apologize when she spoke.

“Dr. Stor, I am…..”

“Alright, I can understand that this is difficult for you. I also understand that you have seen very different things than the most of us. I will lay down on this bed and scan myself but than I expect you to respect my professionalism after I have proven to be right.” she said her voice hard and cold.

She moved me out of the way and took off her clothes and lay down on the bed.

“Now take the scanner and move it all over my body. Keep looking at the monitor”

I suddenly felt very uncomfortable. Before me lay a half naked woman, a doctor and I did not trust her judgment. So I quickly scanned her body and wanted to tell her to rise when she stopped me.

“No, now you have me on the bed, you have to make a full scan. Do it slowly and I want you to scan every inch of my body. Start over here and slowly move to there and cover the complete area from left to right. And slowly, Captain.” She repeated when I began scanning again. Her voice was like steel and she was not going to bend.

She had indicated her complete front from just under her breasts till her mound. She even took down her underwear a little so I could see her pubic hair.

I really felt uncomfortable now. Why didn’t I believe her ? Why did I not believe I was pregnant ?

That last thought made my mind racing again and I really scanned her whole front thoroughly. I had to prove the equipment was damaged. I started again, determined to find the problem but nothing helped. I kept the scanner at one point for several seconds, I scanned fast, I scanned slowly but nothing………….. No where was a blinking little point, not even a smaller one than the one I had.

Sitting on my chair I put my shirt up and scanned my own body and suddenly…..yes there it was. That little blinking point.

Again I held the device against Dr. Stor’s body at the same point where I had the blinking point………..but nothing.

And again I held the device against my own belly and there it was again.

I looked at the monitor and saw the little point blinking. It seemed to challenge me to deny its existence. I could not.

I looked and I looked and than I accepted it. There was a blinking point inside of me and if Dr. Stor told me it was a baby I had to trust her.

Thinking of Dr. Stor I suddenly felt ashamed that I didn’t trusted her before. I was ashamed that I made her lay down on the bed as if she was some kind of student. I was so ashamed with myself.

I forced myself to look up to her. Her face was impassive, waiting. I knew what she was waiting for.

“Dr. Stor, I am very sorry. I should have trusted you but I could not. I am sorry that I pushed you this far that you had to undergo this” I said with my voice filled with sorrow when I indicated at her lying almost naked on the bed.

“Apologies accepted. I can understand this is very difficult for you” she paused there “And I think you should call me Diana. I think it is strange to have you call me doctor when you have seen me naked like this”

With that statement she hopped off the bed and dressed again.

“Than you should call me Kathryn, you have seen me half naked as well” I replied the offer.

We looked at each other and at the same time we seemed to come to a conclusion.

“Dr. Stor, I ……”

“Captain, I think….”

we started together.

“Kathryn,” and she emphasized my name “I think we better start over together. Have you already had dinner ? I am sure my wife has dinner almost ready and we can have something good to eat and than afterwards we can talk together about all this” and she waved with her hands at the bed and the monitor. “I can imagine that you have a lot of questions but as your doctor I want you to eat good in this condition”

I was surprised. Indeed I had a lot of questions but I had not realized before she mentioned it . And to be honest I also was a little hungry.

“Diana, I feel very ashamed of my behavior. Thank you for being so kind to me but I don’t know if I can accept. I feel like I don’t deserve it”.

“Nonsense, I can understand it’s quit a shock. I don’t know how I would have reacted in your situation. Come with me and tell my wife you had me naked on a bed within three days after we met. You beat her here. I think I can have a little fun with that” she lightened the mood.

And so I found myself at the dinner table with Diana Stor and her wife Lisa Marw.  

That evening went by very quickly. First we ate the excellent dinner Lisa had made and than we sat together. As in agreement we did not talk about the pregnancy during dinner. But when we sat sipping our coffee afterwards I suddenly looked at my mug.

“Oh no, maybe I should not be drinking this. This can be bad for the child” I spoke out loud.

“No, Kathryn, it is not bad for the baby I you drink some of it. If you drink too much it will damage your child”

“Than it is bad, I do drink a lot of coffee”

And from there on it went. I had never imagined myself with children and so I never had been very interested in pregnancies and pregnant women so I did not know anything about it.

I asked questions about the growing process, I asked about morning illness which I had not experienced, I asked about gaining weight and ways to lose I again, I asked and I asked and I asked.

And I got answers, many answers. More than I could process.

In the end Lisa asked if I was going to keep the child. I was very confused, I had not thought about that.

“Of course I will keep it. It must mean something that I am pregnant and I am determined to find out what it is.”

And how it happened I thought to myself.

During our discussions I realized that I should call Seven to set a new date for our dinner. But I dismissed it as not important this moment. I should have known better.

It was late when we stopped talking and to be honest, I felt very unrealistic. So when the ladies suggested that I should stay the night over I agreed, happy to be not alone in the night.

With a promise that I could call them anytime we all went to bed.



The next morning Diana suggested that maybe it was needed to run some more tests on me to see if we could get some more information about my baby.

O, that just sounded so strange, my baby……. but I agreed.

First I went to the next briefings and later that day I went to Diana’s to have the tests run. Again I was a little late and there was only one assistant present when I came in.

“Hi Kathryn, just sit down, I will come to you in a minute” she said and than she began collecting some equipment she obviously needed.

I saw the assistant looking at Diana collecting all the items and than at me. He looked again at Diana en than more closely to me. Suddenly he seemed to realize something and went away. I now know that he went to a room close to ours to confirm the thoughts he had.

Diana ran all the needed test and said she would be back with the results in two more days.

“In the meantime Kathryn, take good care of yourself and if you need me, call me. And I mean it.” she sent me away.

That night I tried to contact Seven.

“Janeway to Seven of Nine”

“A private lock has been installed to this comm. badge. Override only in case of emergency”

Seven not available ?  Since when was that ?

Seven used to be available always, every time. As long as I remembered. She never ever had me blocked out. When I needed her, she was there. No matter what time; late at night, early in the morning. She was always there…..

But … of course she also needed some personal time. May be she was with Chakotay or doing some thing else. Although I could not think of  a single thing she would be doing which she would not be willing to share with me. Just to be sure I tried again.

“Captain Janeway to Seven of Nine”

But the response from the computer was still the same: “A private lock has been installed to this comm. badge. Override only in case of emergency”

I still had so much to adapt to. And it hurt……………..badly



Two days later Diana Stor contacted me. “Captain Janeway, I have the results from the tests I have run. What time is convenient to you”

“Diana,” I let her know I was alone, “ any time is fine. The briefings are over so I have all the time in the world”

“Why don’t you come over tonight and have dinner with me and Lisa. I will take the results with me”

“Good idea, 20.00 hours?”

“Alright”



Again that afternoon I tried to contact Seven. But again I did not get contact.

I did not understand. She was ready with her briefings for more than three days. She would not have left the city letting me know… would she ???

No she would not. We have a special bond and that means that she is not leaving the city without notifying me.

I decided to leave a message……….leave a message ???? I think I was out of my mind that time. I had never ever left a message for Seven. If I wanted something to tell her, I just did. But leaving a message.

It was getting weirder and weirder. But as I once told Harry Kim: “Weird is part of the job.”

So I left her a message that I was worried where she was, that I needed to talk to her, that I needed to tell her a few important things.

After I send the message I closed my terminal down.





“Kathryn, our tests still confirm that you are pregnant. There is absolute nothing that indicates otherwise. Your baby is, to human standards, 9 weeks old. The baby seems to be in good shape.” Diana stated after dinner when we, again, were drinking our coffee.

Immediately my mind went racing. Nine weeks old. What was I doing nine weeks ago ?

Of course back than I was still in the Delta Quadrant. Admiral Janeway had not shown up yet……we already left Neelix behind…….

Yes I remembered, that time we were with the Meya’s, very friendly people on a planet very similar to Earth. We had been there for one and a half week, trading and enjoying some R&R time. They had a very friendly royal family as well with King Coy. Warm and caring people.

“How exactly 9 weeks old ?” I asked to try to narrow the moment of the start of all of this.

“To human standards, 9 weeks minus 2 days” Diana replied. “Do you need a calendar ?”

Counting on the calendar I concluded that it was on Wednesday. That was the last day we were there. We left after a final pick nick in one of the most beautiful parks form the city of Meya.

I just could not think of anything that happened that day which could have made me pregnant. I thought about the days before that day but I could not think of anything. I had some late nights with King Coy but as far as my knowledge went, one did not become pregnant from drinking a good glass of wine and having a good conversation.

Would it be possibly that Coy had done something I could not remember. Was he not so nice as every one thought he was. Seven had her suspicions about Coy but to be honest I thought that had a very different cause. No, Coy was a nice man, he had not betrayed me that way.

So I thought back about that last day. It was a lovely day. We, the royal family and some of my crewmembers, had been sitting in the sun, not too hot. It had been good to be in the open air. We had been talking about several different things, no nothing special. The environment was beautiful, lovely green grass, singing birds, and a big, very old tree in the middle of the…………….. there was something with the tree.

While I was thinking about that day I heard Diana tell:

“As far as we can see, the child is in perfect condition. Its heartbeat matches the normal frequency of a human child. For a human child everything seems to be normal”

Thinking to myself and meanwhile listening I could not lose the feeling that she was saying “a human child” and “a human baby”   Of course my baby was human, I was human so what is the problem ?

“Why do keep saying a human baby every time ? What else could it be ? I am human.”

“Yes, you are, but there must be an other parent. You cannot make yourself pregnant”

I nodded at that, still thinking about that last day on Meya. Suddenly I realized:

“So, if you look for different dna, you would be able to see if the other parent is also human or some other species? Did you already do make those scans as well ?”

“Yes, I anticipated that you wanted to know that as well. Maybe it would give you a clue about the other parent but I am not so sure now.”

“And ?” I prompted. If I knew what other species was involved I must be able to see what happened. There had to be some reasonable explanation for this pregnancy.

“I am not sure you are going to like it,” Diana hesitated.

I gave her my famous force ten look so she continued

“There are traces of the Borg in your child…………..”

Now I was shocked, really shocked.

“Borg ?!? What do you mean by traces of the Borg? Is my baby assimilated? Does it have cybernetic parts in the body ? What the hell do mean by traces of the Borg? And how the hell did that come into my body ?” I shouted at her.

 The Borg inside my body. Oh, how I hated that damned Borg queen and those Borg drones of her. Had she in the end found a way to trick me……..

“No nothing like those things, but in the baby’s bloodstream we found nanoprobes which seem to rule a lot of functions. And we detected a small silver implant on the baby’s back, on the left shoulder blade. When you magnify it, it looks like this” and she showed me a picture of a starburst implant. It was quite similar to Seven’s  implant on her cheek.

O no, o, no, this had nothing to do with Seven, that was not possible !!  We did not even kiss, not that I did not wanted to, but could I be pregnant from a woman I only touched on her arm, or who I guided with a hand in her back or who I tapped on her hand ……...That was not possible.

But than suddenly I thought about that last day on Meya again and I realized how I had become pregnant.

Diana was still talking about the implant.

“it is very small now. It is only 3 millimeters but I think it will grow in time. I estimate it will be approximately…. Kathryn, what is wrong?” she suddenly realized I was not listening to her at all.

“Kathryn, what is wrong?” she asked again when I did not say anything.  

I looked at her with blank eyes

“I know who the other parent is. I take it the child is a girl?” I said slowly, letting the whole scene on Meya sink in again.

“Yes it is, how do you know ? I did not tell you anything which could lead to the father ?”

How could I feel so calm, this was not possible. When you looked at it at the scientific way it was not possible. Seven and I were never close enough to cause this situation. But since my time in the Delta Quadrant and my experience with Kes on ??????  I knew there were more ways than the scientific ways. And this had to be one of them. Don’t ask me how I knew but that must have been the way. I just knew Seven was the other parent.

“It is not a father, this girl has two mothers and the other one is Seven of Nine.” I stated calmly.

Diana was completely flabbergasted and looked at me as if had two heads in stead of one.

“Seven of Nine ? How is that possible?”

“That is a long story” I sighed and I closed my eyes.

Diana looked at me and than asked

“Would you like to share your story ?

I thought about it.

“I think afterwards you will say I am crazy and very ready for a shrink but I will tell you.”

And so I told her this story:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was several weeks before the admiral came on board. Of course we did not know that by that time.

I was sitting in my chair on the bridge when Seven hailed me:

“Captain, report to Astrometrics,…. please” as usual there was a slight pause between the request and the please.

I once asked here why the pause was there. She told me that of course she would not want to command me but I seemed so unnecessary and there for so inefficient. I admitted that I fully understood and that I did not needed her to say please to me but that human intercourse expected the please because I was the captain. From that moment it was a small secret between the two of us that she paused on purpose when she asked me something. It always made me smile inside when she did it.

As I was doing nothing special I decided to go to her immediately, no better excuse than that you are hailed to report to your best friend.

“I am on my way, Seven” and I gave the bridge to Chakotay.



“Captain, I detected a small planet not far away from here and it seem to be quit similar to Earth. Almost the same environment, same temperature and, best of all, they are warp capable”

“So, no problems for First contact ?”

“Indeed”

“Sent the coordinates to the helm. Janeway to the bridge”

“Chakotay here”

“Chakotay, reroute to the coordinates Seven just sent to the helm and please set up a roster for some R&R time. Seven detected a small planet which seems to be nice. We will try to do  some trading and also see if we can get some R&R time. Let Tuvok do some investigations about safety and if it seems to be safe set up a roster for some R&& time.”

“Yes, captain”

“And Seven, do you look forward to some R&R time in real open air ?”

“Kathryn, you know, I have not been outside ‘in the open air’ very much and I still have to adapt every time. I will however succeed this time as other times”

With the use of my given name she shifted the conversation to a personal level. She had been on board for how long by that time, three, four years. In that period our relation had changed profoundly. In the beginning she hardly trusted me. But I retrieved her from the Borg queen, I begged her not to kill herself when she overloaded herself with information, we had played velocity together, we went to the maestro together, we held our midnight philosophical discussion and in that time a formidable bond had grown. A bond so deep that I had a feeling that nothing could come ever between us.

The bond had shifted from the bond between a teacher/mentor and her pupil to the bond of two friends. Later on it grew into a bond between two very good friends. And for more than four months now we were both aware that the bond was changing again. At least, I thought we both knew it was changing again. 

I felt our relation was deepening. I fantasized about Seven being my lover. And when I looked in her eyes I thought I saw the same. During our time off duty we were more together than we ever had been. We were more tactile towards each other and we could talk about almost every thing. And when I looked in her eyes I thought I saw the same feeling in her eyes as I felt inside.

Of course I did not say anything. I was the captain of the ship and there for it would be inappropriate to start a conversation like that. And I did not want to put pressure on Seven. And I even did not know if she was ready for it. And of course I am afraid that she does not feel the same about me. So I did not say anything. I still have not said anything but this whole situation changes everything so after tonight I will talk to her and tell her how I feel.

“Seven, you know I will do every thing in my power to help you with this. Would you like to spend some R&R time with me down the planet ? I don’t know what we will do down there but I think I can find something interesting for the both of us”

“You always manage to find some suitable so I accept.”

“Thanks for the compliment Seven” and I squeezed her arm. “If you have any ideas please let me know. I’m afraid I have to do the negations in the beginning but after that I will plan some time together”



The planet was called Meya and the people there were very friendly. The planet was indeed very similar to Earth; a bit smaller and there were only 15 million people on the planet. There was plenty of food and almost no criminality.

When the King of Meya, King Coy, heard there were people from another Quadrant on his planet he insisted that we met. He invited us over for dinner with himself and his family.

First I did not like the idea that we had to go on an official dinner. In the past we had had to adapt to many times to the planet’s customs which always gave these dinners a feeling that one could not really relax when on such a mission. As usually I took most of the senior officers to the dinner. Tom and B’Elanna left early because of the pregnancy of B’Elanna.

King Coy had one son and one daughter. Both of them were married and his daughter had a daughter as well. She was only three years old and named Charmi. She was like her name; a very charming, young, open and friendly girl. And she liked Seven very much. She wanted to sit next so Seven and me and when both of us helped her with her dinner she was so happy.

The King and his family were very friendly and it was a relief that we did not have to be careful of what we said or what we did. They accepted us for what we were. King Coy was very interested in the story of our journey and in return shared some interesting stories about his own planet. Before we knew it was getting late and we were leaving to Voyager again.

“King Coy, I must say it has been a very pleasant evening. Thank you very much for inviting us. I’m also glad that you allow us some recreational time on your planet. It reminds me a lot of my own home world.”

“Captain, please call me Sann. The pleasure has been mutual. Can I invite you for another dinner ? It doesn’t have to be a formal one, just you, Seven and my children. I try to have dinner with my children as often as possible but I don’t mind sharing them with some one like you.” King Coy replied.

I was a little astonished that he invited just Seven and me. Why Seven and not Chakotay ? I looked at Seven and than back at Sann Coy again. I think it showed on my face because he answered the question before I even spoke.

“Captain, I hope I did not offend you but I can see the two of you have a special bond. And I understand that the two of you want to together as much a possible.”

“Sann” I used his name the first time, “you did not offend me and if Seven is willing I would love to come over. And I see she is willing, she tells me right now,” I answered, “and please call me Kathryn when we are going to be informal”

“All right, I see you tomorrow evening.”



The next day Seven and I went hiking on the planet. We were dropped on a lonely place together and silently walked a few miles before we halted for a picnic.

“Kathryn, why did King Coy invite the both of us and not only you or you and some one else?” Seven asked when we sat down.

“He said something about us sharing a bond, that he could see it between us and that he understood that we wanted to be together as much as possible”

“But we did not do anything or say anything about our friendship. And I did not hear anyone else tell him we are friends. I do not understand how he reached this conclusion”

“Sometimes one does not have to do something special or say something special to show that some else is special. Did you see the minister of trade Nais yesterday and the way she interacted with the King ?”

“Yes, I have seen her before of course during the trade negotiations. And yesterday I saw how she handed him the salad, asked his opinion about Starfleet regulations, thanked him for the wine, answered….” Seven started to recall all the interactions between the King and the minister form he eidetic memory.

“Seven, don’t look at the facts. Look beyond them. Did you see something different in her body language or in her facial expressions when she was interacting with the King which is different from her interaction with some one else. For example when she interacts with me or with Chakotay who was sitting next to her.”

Seven was a moment silent and I knew she was reviewing the things I said to her.

“I have come to a conclusion that she smiles 89% of the time she interacts with the King, 45% of the time she interacts with you and 39% of the time she interacts with Chakotay. She also turns a little red when the King speaks to her directly which does not happen when you or Chakotay talk to her, her heart beats also rose with at least 2% during 24% of the occasions she spoke to the King directly where it did not rise when she was talking to the both of you, on 78% of the occasions……”

“Seven, stop please.” I stopped her, silently a little shocked that she could even see someone hearts beats increase from a distance of three meters. “What is your overall conclusion ?”

Seven thought about that again “She is reacting different to the King than to all the other person who were available yesterday”

“Do you think it is a positive thing or a negative thing?” I forced her to look deeper.

It was silent again as she made new calculations.

“I come to the conclusion it is a positive thing because most of the signs are known to be positive although I do not know what to think of the increase in her heartbeat”

“I came to the same conclusion last night. And even more, I think the feeling is mutual”

Seven looked skeptical at me.

“How do you come to this conclusion ? You do not have the ability to make those calculations I made ?” For every one else this would sound arrogant but I knew Seven just stated a fact.

“I look good at the interaction of people. Sometimes it is more important what they do than what they say.”

“Which makes you such a good negotiator?”

“Yes, part of it. And sometimes you need luck.” I answered honestly.

“Then you seem to have very much ‘luck’ as you almost come out of a negotiation with whatever you want.”

I smiled at her and didn’t answer the challenge she put in her voice. Without any doubt I knew  she had analyzed all the negotiations she had seen and calculated my rate at success.

During our discussion we went away from Seven’s original question and when we were eating we were both thinking about the things we said. I knew Seven was thinking about ways to look at the interaction between people. I myself was thinking about what I, or what we, had done to give Sann Coy the impression that Seven and I were more than crewmembers.

I knew I often looked at her, I knew Seven looked often at me. I also recalled the discussions we had yesterday and I remembered I mentioned Seven in almost every subject Sann and I discussed. Just as he mentioned the minister of trade very often in our discussions.

Seven and I did not need to discuss this topic any further now but I knew she would look at me different the coming days. See if I would smile at her more than I did to someone else, see if I would blush if I talked to her and if I showed other signs I could not think of I did not show while I would be interacting with someone else. I would be under a microscope and than she would confront me with her findings.

Not a nice idea to live by.

Early in the evening Seven and I went to the palace again to have dinner with Sann. Only his daughter and granddaughter were there. Nais was also not there so Seven could not test her findings till now. I knew she longed to do so.

But Charmi was there and once again she was full of Seven. When it was her bedtime she begged her mother to bring Seven along and make Seven tell her a story. I could see Seven liked the young child and she was willing to give in. Seven looked at me to see if it was alright and I nodded even before she was able to ask if I minded.

“After telling a story to Charmi, I want to go back to Voyager. I have to regenerate as I worked the last two nights on new calculations based on the new maps I have received from Nais. And no I have not yet completed the calculations so I can not tell you anything new this moment”

“Of course, Seven. Do you want me to come with you ?” I asked.

Seven looked at my glass of wine which was still half full. “No, I know the way. There is no need to leave early.” And than she inclined her head a little and, to my surprise she said, “Enjoy yourselves”

‘Enjoy yourselves’? since when was ‘joy’ was important ? Sometimes I thought I did not understand a thing about Seven.

When I looked at the door with that puzzled look on my face, Sann complimented me about Seven.

“She is wonderful young lady and I understand that you love her very much. If I was a little younger……..”

I turned to Sann again looking at his face but he was complete sincere. I guess that made me open up to him.

I told him about my love for Seven, for my patience because I was afraid that she was not mature enough and all my other fears from the reaction of the crew to the reaction of Seven herself. From the possibility or the impossibility to love someone who is under your command.

Sann listened to me and gave his opinion on the matter. I should be patient but I was not honest to Seven if I did not tell her a thing, my crew would accept everything from me because I was a great leader.

In the end he convinced me that I had to tell Seven how I felt. I felt so relieved to be able to talk to someone like Sann. Someone who really seemed to understand what I was going through. And after we talked for hours I felt exhausted and happy. And to my shock I started to cry in the end. It felt so good to share these things with someone, someone who was not under my command.

Sann understood completely and took me in his arms and soothed me. We sat on his couch for more than a hour while I cried and he just held me. He did not say a word, he just held me, sometimes he stroked my hair but most of the time he just held me. I felt so damned good to be able to let go.

After an hour he brought me to his bathroom and put me under the shower. He also gave me some clothes.

“Here, take a shower and put these on. Your clothes our ruined. These clothes belonged to my wife who died six years ago. I think they will fit you. Now I know why I always kept them, to give them to a desperate captain who would come by” he teased me to lighten the mood.

After I showered I put on the clothes from his wife. When I came back into his room he looked at me and then sighed deeply.

“You look good in them but not as good as my wife did. But she would be pleased that I gave them to someone else.”

“Sann, please tell me about your wife? What happened?” I asked.

“Kathryn, it is three o’clock in the morning. I would love to tell you but I have a country to rule and you have a ship to run tomorrow. I think it is wiser when we both go to sleep, don’t you think so. And of course if you are ready to face the world again”

I thought about that for a moment and realized I was very tired as well. We hugged and I kissed him on his cheek.

“Thank you for listening to me. Dinner at my place tomorrow?”

“I would be pleased.”

Than I left for Voyager. When I came into my own quarters my terminal blinked that there was a message. I opened it and found a message from Seven.

“Captain, I have completed my calculations and have some good news for you. You will find the results enclosed.”

Although I was very tired I was very anxious about her news so I studied her conclusions. They told me that our journey could be shortened with another 5 years. That was good news.

“Computer, locate Seven of Nine” I expected the computer to tell me she was regenerating in Cargo Bay 2 so I was surprised when the computer answered:

“Seven of Nine is in Astrometrics”

After my evening with Sann and all the things I shared with him about Seven, I just wanted to see her before I took the little time I had to go to sleep. Half an hour did not matter anymore now.

“Hi Seven, I saw you have good news” I said when I entered her domain.

“Captain, you did not have to come immediately after I send you the report. I expected you to be asleep at this time of the morning.”

“I just came home from Sann and found your message. I thought you were regenerating ?”

She looked better at me now and for a moment I even thought I heard her sniffing. But it had to be my imagination.  

“I set the computer to end my cycles when the calculations were done. I send the final findings to you a hour ago”

“Thank you very much Seven, we will discuss them tomorrow during the staff briefing. If you don’t mind I will go to sleep now. It was an emotional evening”

Seven looked at me very close again and then said, “Of course Captain, sleep well. I will start my regeneration cycles as well”

With that I left and went to bed.



The next day Seven and I would go the planet together again. We were already on the dais to be transported when Tuvok hailed me.

“Captain, I have an incoming message for you from King Coy. It is urgent”

“Please transfer it to the terminal here, Tuvok”

When I got visual I was shocked. Sann looked terrible and seemed to have age years since last night

“Sann, what is wrong?”

“Charmi is ill and the normal procedure does not work. I, we, are going to lose her”

I felt shocked and I felt Seven was shocked as well.

“King Coy, what is wrong with her ? Yesterday she seemed alright when I took her to bed”

He sighed and looked at us.

“Please come down and I will tell you. I can use a little distraction from the waiting”

“We will beam directly to your palace. Janeway out. Ensign, you heard me, beam us directly to the palace”



When we were down I immediately hugged Sann. I saw Seven looking but I know how comforting a hug can be in those circumstances so I did not even give it a second thought.

“Come with me and I will tell you everything”

He took us to his chambers and told us about this disease. It was a disease which was well known on his planet. In less than 24 hours some cells in someone’s head would start to grow and become as big as an egg. It forced away all the brains in the head and mostly people died because the pressure become too much. Every year there were 5-6 people who had this disease. Until now it had only been adult who had the disease.

Over the years they had found a cure to stop the growing process and even break down the cells which already gad grown. For this process they used a king of sound waves.

The patient had to stand in a special container for 24-48 hours. The sound waves than were breaking down the cells. In 90% of the cases the patient recovered without any residual effects of the disease.

And just in the situation with Charmi, the cure did not seem to work. Her parents were with her complete with a medical team but no one knew why the cure did not work. Sann had been there as well but he was not able to see his granddaughter suffer like that. So he had left to hail me.

“Can I see her ?” Seven asked.

“Of course you can. Come with me”

We went to the medial centre into the chamber where the container was. Charmi was in there. She had been crying, we saw. She looked so very small. When she saw Seven she smiled faintly but than her mouth started to tremble again.

“Can she hear us?” Seven asked when she walked to the window of the container.

“Yes she can. The sound waves are so high or so low we cannot hear them”

“They are high and low. I can hear both of them” Seven stated matter of factly. “Charmi, I come to help you. Hang on, you are a brave little girl but I am afraid you will have to stay in there a little longer”

We all saw how Charmi relaxed a little.

Seven looked at the people around her.

“Explain this procedure to me” she demanded to no one special and it sounded Borg arrogant.

“Seven,” I said and I laid my hand on her arm, “these people have worked with this method for years and they do not know how to cure the girl. Maybe you should not interrupt the procedure”

Seven looked at me and than at the parents. “I will not stand by if the procedure does not work. I will make it work.” again her Borg arrogance.

“Seven don’t do this. Please let their own doctors do what they have to do. Maybe she cannot be cured.”

“It is not acceptable if Charmi dies, I will cure her. Failure is not an option. Now tell me about the procedure” she demanded again.

Charmi’s parent looked at each other and seemed to come to a conclusion.

“All right, this does not seem to work  either. Doctor, tell her everything about this procedure”

The doctor started to explain the way the container worked, how precise the setting of the waves was because they did not want to damage other parts of the brains. They explained how they used it on other people and even more details I did not understand. Seven asked question about the people who had been cured and about the people who died because the cure did not work.

I looked at Sann and saw him looking at Charmi. She was not crying any more but looking at Seven and the doctor she was talking to. Every now and then Seven would look at Charmi and smile at her. Charmi smiled back, a tiny smile but It was a smile.

I saw Sann  was hurting and went to him. I took his hand. Grateful he looked at me and than he whispered.

“Kathryn, I can not stand by and see how another important member of my family dies. I just cannot”

“Sann, don’t give up. Seven is a genius with everything which is technical. Trust her”

We both looked at Seven who seemed to process al the information she got from the doctor.  She walked around the container, sank to her knees and seemed to be listening to something we could not hear. Then she took a chair and stood on it and seemed to listen again. She walked to the doctor again.

“I need more data. Can I enter your computer ?”

“Yes, you can, what do you need ?” the doctor answered and started to request information form the computer.

“I will find what I need”  and with she extended her tubules and entered the computer. I heard several people gasp around us and walked to Seven.

“Seven, do you really need to do it this way ? People are shocked at you” I asked, although I was sure she would not answer me before she would be ready.

Within a minute she withdrew and opened her eyes.

“Yes Captain, is was necessary. I think I know what I need to know. I will remodulate the container and the sound device” And without asking anyone anything more she hailed B’Elanna.

“Seven of Nine to B’Elanna Torres. Please report to my position as soon as possible”

“B’Elanna here, Seven I first need to work on the warp core. I will be with in two hours”

“Unacceptable, I need you now.”

“I’m sorry Seven duty comes first”

“Captain, order B’Elanna to come to assist me. The warp core can wait, Charmi can not” Seven almost ordered me.

I thought about it for a moment, could the warp core wait ? Did Seven really need B’Elanna ? Till now, Seven never asked for anything she didn’t needed so I assumed it was necessary that B’Elanna came to help Seven.

“B’Elanna, please let Vorik work on the warp core and report to us immediately. I think you are more useful here. Take your toolkit with you”

“Yes Captain” she answered. I heard she was a little angry that I overruled her decision but I hoped that she would understand why she was needed when she was here.

Within minutes B’Elanna was on the planet and in the medical centre. When Seven filled her in about the situation she softened visibly and walked to the container to look at Charmi.

“What is it, Seven ?” she said.

Seven explained her findings to that moment and the solution to the problem. They talked softly and debated about some things neither of us could hear. B’Elanna also walked to the container and seemed to listen just like Seven had done before. They than spoke together again and one moment it looked like they were have a serious argument about something.

“Seven we need to hurry, she is getting unconscious and we have to do something now or we better stop” B’Elanna said.

We all looked at Charmi again and indeed she was starting to get unconscious. I heard a soft cry and saw Charmi’s mother walk to the container and put her hands against it.’

“Please, Charmi, don’t die, keep fighting honey. Seven is working on it.”

“Charmi opened her eyes but could not keep them open any longer and her head hung down.

“I need to remodulate the container and the sound device” Seven stated. “The frequency of the sound waves is not good”

“But we use this frequency on al the cases and mostly it works. Any other frequency will not work of leave some damage to the brains. You cannot do that” the doctor protested.

“No, the frequency is not right. Charmi is only a child and she stands lower than an adult. Also her head is smaller so the waves hit her differently than with adults. That is why this does not work. I have to adapt the setting to her smaller body.”

“No, you will cause more damage than you will do good. I am the doctor in charge here and I don’t agree to this changes. It is possible that this will work, sometimes it takes some time”

“This will not work and if we do not do anything Charmi will die” Seven stated. She seemed to be very calm but I could see she was not. Her eyes were shining more intent than ever and if one looked better you could see she had slight blushes on her cheeks.

For a moment it was silent. Then Sann spoke.

“Doctor, what are your prospects at this treatment in your way?”

“I think, there is a change of 15%- 20%  that we will succeed”

“Seven what are your prospects when we change it the way you want”

“There is 89,73% change that my changes will work”

“Daughter, she is your child. Please decide what you want to do?”

“How can she say there is a 89,73% changes that this will work. She does not know anything about our people. She never worked with this device. I work with this for more than 25 years. I cured more than 150 people” the doctor almost shouted. ”You can not let her have her way with Charmi. We don’t even know these people.”

“Doctor, my daughter will decide” Sann said.

The parents looked at each other and the same moment they said “Let Seven do what she wants to do”

“I do not agree with this. I forbid you to touch my container. You will harm the child even more. Go out of my…” the doctor was really shouting now and he went to Seven and tried to push her out of the chamber.

“Doctor, I think you are a problem here. Work with Seven or I will personally see to it that you will not work with any other patient any more any time” Sann spoke to the doctor.

The doctor looked at his King and saw he was serious. He swallowed twice and then went to Seven.

“How can I help you”

“The thing you can do is to monitor Charmi and tell B’Elanna if something changes within her. I will tap directly into the device and try to change the frequency, B’Elanna will see to the other systems and adapt them when it seems to be necessary.” She then turned to the parents “I will tap into the device and change the settings, I estimate it will take more than one hour to reach the right frequencies. The doctor will after that be able to confirm that the cells are decreasing or at least stop growing. I do not know from that moment how long it will take to have it decreased completely but I think the doctor will be able to make the estimation when he sees how it works.”

I was proud of Seven, she even informed the parents about what she was going to do. She than went to the container, laid her hand against it and said to the container “Charmi, hold on, I will help you”

Charmi’s eyelids fluttered a little but she did not open her eyes. Seven then went to the back side of the container and extended her tubules and locked into the container. Immediately her eyes closed and she stood silently.

“Captain, I think you better call the doctor and ask him to prepare for Seven when she is done”

“What do you mean, is this dangerous for Seven ? Why did you not tell me ?” I asked B’Elanna.

“Yes, Captain, it is dangerous, you could have known. She did not want me to tell you. She is very intended to help Charmi.”

“Damn it” I muttered “Janeway to the doctor”

“Doctor here”

“Doctor please prepare for Seven to come to sick bay within now and two hours. She tapped herself in some alien device and we do not know what damage this will cause”

As if he knew he should not argue with me right now she sighed and answered “Yes Captain, I will take all the necessary precautions. Doctor out”

We all stood waiting there. Seven stood silently and B’Elanna every now and then changed something in the container. Charmi also stood silently and nothing seemed to happen.

Suddenly, the doctor spoke softly “Something is changing”

We all turned to him, afraid to ask more information. After a while Sann asked more information.

“I can not tell you exactly, but it seems like the growing process is slowing. Yes, it definitely is slowing. It is still a growing process but it is slowing”

We all looked at Charmi and than at Seven. Both of them were still standing silently with their eyes closed.

After a few more minutes, which seemed to last like eternity, the doctor spoke again “It stopped !!”He looked at Seven and said “She did it” His eyes were shining with enthusiasm. “How the hell did she know? But it works”

“Let’s hope she will be able to make it decrease the cells” Sann muttered beside me.

I felt so proud about Seven, she did make it work this far. She was a genius.

“Captain, I think she is almost ready, please stand by her side. I think she will collapse the moment she disengages” B’Elanna said worriedly. “She has been in that device for more than 70 minutes, she must be exhausted”

I hurried to Seven’s side waiting for the moment she would disengage. I had to wait some more minutes and suddenly I saw her tubules retreat. She swayed on her feet and then her eyes focused on me.

“Does it work ?” she managed to say.

“Yes Seven, it works, the cell are decreasing. You did it, I’m proud of you.”

Seven looked at Charmi and then suddenly I felt she was getting unconscious.

“Voyager, two to beam directly to sick bay.”

And with that Seven and I disappeared to Voyager. The doctor immediately took her to a biobed and examined her closely.

“Captain, there seems nothing seriously wrong, she is not damaged. I think she just needs to regenerate for approximately 12 hours and then she will be alright.”

Relief flooded over me. Although I admired her for what she had done, I had to talk with her about her methods. The doctor seemed to share my thoughts.

“Captain, I think you have to watch your crew more carefully. Seven is not supposed to connect to every device she likes.”

I already was a little on the edge, with my worries about Charmi, Seven and then the relief that everything went alright.

“Doctor, I don’t need your lecture. I take care of my crew the best way I can but sometimes they do things beyond my control. This time it saved Charmi’s life but I will talk to Seven. I think you better use your skills to bring her to the cargo bay and help her to start a regenerate.”

With that I disappeared and down to the planet again.

I met Sann in the medical centre. He was still there and seemed to be a little less restless than before.

“Kathryn, I am so happy, she I going to be alright. The doctor estimates is will take about 1o hours before the cure will be finished. I am so grateful.”

“Captain, I really want to thank you. Seven did a marvelous job, my little girl is going to be alright. Thank you so very much.”

“You better thank Seven, she did something against my rules but our doctor convinced me she is alright. So I am happy as well.”

“Kathryn, everything is going according to the new estimation the doctor made. Do you like to kill the time with a cup of coffee in my chambers ? They will call us when Charmi wakes up.”

Sann and I went to his private chambers. First we said nothing at all when we were sipping our coffee. Every now and then we sighed deeply but we did not feel the need to say anything. We just sat there and thought about everything that had happened in the medical centre. We thought about the feeling we had, first despair, then hope and now the belief that everything would be alright.

After we finished our second cup of coffee we looked at each other. And then we started talking about Charmi, about Sann’s wife, about how we had to go on in life after a disaster and about life in general.

We also spoke about Sann’s feeling for Nais. He was feeing guilty about having a new love in his life, she was one of his ministers, she was 8 years younger and on and on.

“Tell me, what is the difference between your situation and mine with Seven ?” It was a rhetorical question and he knew it.

“You think I better give in and tell her and tell your children.”

“Is that not the same you told me. ‘Tell Seven and your crew’. ”

He looked at me and thought about a little more. “I think you are right.”

And with that we sat together some more when someone knocked on the door. We both jumped to the door and opened it. There was a nurse standing outside.

“Charmi?” Sann asked in panic.

“King Coy, she is alright. We think she will regain conscious within 5 minutes. We thought you would like to be there.”

“Yes, I will. Thank you” and with that we almost run to the medical centre.

Charmi was still in the container but she seemed to have more color in her face than before. We only had to wait two more minutes when she came around.

“Mommy, daddy” she said with a small voice.

Everyone rushed to the container when it opened. Everyone wanted to touch the little girl.

“O, Kathryn, I am so happy” and with that Sann took me in a big hug.

“Now everyone calm down. Charmi has to rest, at least till tomorrow morning. Take her home and put her in bed. After tomorrow she will be fully recovered.” The doctor said and shoved us out of the room. “Captain Janeway” he stopped me “I apologize for my behavior. Please tell your crewmember she did a marvelous job.”

“Doctor, you better apologize to Seven herself. I am sure she is more than willing to share her knowledge with you.”

With that I also left the palace and went back to Voyager. I straightly went to Seven to see how she was recovering. She was working in cargo bay 2 at her own monitor.

“Seven you did a marvelous job down there on Charmi. She is alright and in her bed this moment. The doctor says she will be recovered fully before the day is over.”

“Thank you Captain”  she replied and looked at me closely.

“You know I am not happy with the way you did it.” I stated.

“No Captain I know you do not agree with my methods but I can not guarantee that I will not be it again when the situation arises.”

“I know Seven, which is what makes it so difficult.”



Two days later Voyager was ready to leave the planet and continue her journey back home to Earth. Sann Coy invited me and Seven one last time to come to the planet. He and his family were having a picnic and Charmi wanted to give something to Seven.

Seven and I beamed down to the park and walked to the royal family. They were sitting under a marvelous big tree which was in the middle of the park.  When we were already under the tree Charmi saw Seven and run towards her.

And then I saw something I had never seen before. Seven kneeled down and spread her arms and she actually smiled when Charmi came running in her arms. It took some time for the little girl with her little legs to come to Seven. I walked on and stood next to Sann when Charmi reached Seven.

The little girl threw herself in Seven’s arms and Seven closed her arms around that little body.  And then they held each other close for some minutes.  Seven slowly rubbed Charmi’s back and when I looked a little better a saw a single tear slide down Seven’s cheek.

I saw how Seven took the little girl by her arms and looked at her. How she seriously talked to the little girl. The little girl talked back and suddenly threw her arms around Seven’s neck again. And Seven again closed her arms around the little girl. She closed her eyes and I could see she was enjoying the feeling of the little body alive and healthy against her own.

“How is wish I could have such a beautiful daughter with Seven” I muttered to myself.

“Be careful what you wish for Kathryn, this is a very special secret place and sometimes our gods do what you wish” Sann said next to me.

I looked at him, expecting him to be laughing but he seemed more than serious about it. Of course I did not believe him but I did not want to hurt him so I did not say anything.

Seven and I stayed for two hours. Seven got a beautiful drawing from Charmi which she later hung in cargo bay 2 and after changing some final greeting and hugs we left the picnic and went back to Voyager. We were on course for home again……….

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Diana had looked at me as if was going to be crazy when I finished the story. I knew she did not believe me.

She run more scans on me, asked for Seven’s dna and confirmed my idea. In the meantime I tried to contact Seven. It was already very late but I felt I could not wait any longer.

Once again the computer told me that Seven was not available. That was so strange. I started to get a little worried now but knew I could not do anything about it.  So I used Diana’s comm account to send a message to her to contact me as soon as possible.

With that I left Diana’s and went home, again a late evening but also one which brought some answers instead of questions.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I walked home form the Academy I thought about life from that moment.

I knew I was a gifted woman but very lonely woman.

I was gifted because I have my little daughter, my little Angel. I named her Angel because she came form an angel and her other mother was an angel. She is a truly gift. She is beautiful to see and sometimes it hurts me to see how much she looks like Seven although I seem to be the only one who sees it. She has my color of hair and also has my chin but her eyes are like Seven’s, so blue. I have never seen bluer eyes than the eyes of these two. She also has Seven’s figure although anyone might say that it is a little early to say. She is slender and tall for her age. And always standing bolt upright. And sometimes she even clasps her hands behind her back like Seven used to do and then I am so proud …………and I feel so lonely.

For I miss Seven so much. After we arrived on Earth I have never seen her again. We had had contact via our communicator only twice and then she seemed to be disappeared, vanished into nothing.

In that time I looked at every blond woman I saw, with every blond woman my heart beats increased. Seven ? And no, not Seven.  On the other side of the street ? Halfway crossing it, no, not Seven……They’re at the traffic lights? When I run towards them, no, not Seven……

After a few days I called other members from Voyager but no one had seen her anymore. Starfleet also did not know where she was. They promoted me to Admiral but I did not even realize it.

I asked every one. I used all my connections which was still a considerable amount of people but I never found her. Sometimes I got a message from the other side of the quadrant that she was seen there and then I traveled all the way to the planet of to the space station. Two times the message had been true, she had been there but she was already gone when I arrived and no one knew where she went.

In the end I almost wished she had committed a crime so I could sent Starfleet Intelligence after her but leaving your captain, and maybe your friend ( by that time I was not even sure we had been friends) was no crime so I had nothing to pull with.

I have been looking for her for more than five months but then I had to give up. My pregnancy was to going to far then to take any more trips to other planets. Diana, who had become a very close friend, had forbidden me to travel anymore. I might cause my daughter harm and of course I did not want that.



When Angel was born I asked B’Elanna to be her godmother. B’Elanna takes her duty serious and often invites Angel to come over for a few nights.  Luckily Miral and Angel are a good couple together although Miral is almost a year older. To honor Seven I asked Tuvok to be the godfather. Tuvok did not understand my choice so I told him the whole story. I also told him that Seven considered him a good friend. Of course he did not comment on it but thought my choice was logical, high praise form him, and accepted. I know he takes his duty very seriously as well and often comes to see Angel.

Sometimes I think I have given up hope that I will ever find Seven again. I still have her picture in the drawing of my bed but I seldom look at it, it causes me too much pain. But sometimes at unguarded moments I see a tall blond woman and my heart jumps……but never, never Seven.

I tried to find another suitable friend but after two attempts I stopped. I compared everything to Seven, they were not so intelligent like Seven, they were not so handsome like Seven, they did not have the humor Seven had……. I stopped. It would be Seven or no one. And it appears to be it has to be no one. And that made me feel lonely, very lonely.

There were nights when it threatened to consume me completely. When that happened I took the photo from my drawing and then I cried myself to sleep.

But today I would not let it consume me. I was going home to have a quiet evening with Angel,  a good glass of wine and my book.

Coming home I was greeted by both Jack The Fifth and my daughter. My Irish Setter seemed to be more enthusiastic, but I hoped Angel was only shy and distracted. Not distant.

“I put a visitor in the kitchen,” she said. “Big pretty blond woman, a real melter, said she’d been on Voyager with you.”

That explained the withdrawn way Angel reacted when I came home, she did not like strangers very much.

“I can hear you have been with uncle Tom last weekend, using these words.” I said when I kissed her on her head “That will be Naomi Wildman, she sent me a message last week that she would come by any time soon. I will say hello and then change first. Will you give her something to drink?” And with that I walked into the kitchen.

Behind me I heard Angel say “Mom, it’s not Naomi. It is the woman in your drawing.”

Before I could really register what she was saying, I was in the kitchen with my mind still on Naomi.

“Naomi, what nice of you to co………..” and I stopped dead in the middle of my sentence.

That could not be true, I could not believe my own eyes. For me was a woman standing, she was tall, long, slender and every way she was Seven. My eyes flickered and I looked again. I looked from the top to her feet. She was really standing there, tall, slender, blond, with the implant above her eyes… it definitely was Seven.

But on the other way it was not Seven. She did not wear her usual biosuit, she did not have high heels. In stead of that she was wearing a jeans, a white t-shirt and sport shoes. And her hair was not tied up in her neck. She really was a melter this way. Damned she looked so good.

Although when I looked better I saw a hunted look in her eye. She did not seem to be at ease with herself. She did not look me straight in the eyes where she used to penetrate me almost with her eyes when she looked at me on Voyager. And one or the other way she looked tired, something was new to me as well.

I tried to speak but my voice betrayed me and did not work. I tried again but again my voice failed again.

“Captain, I am sorry to interrupt you in your house but I came to apologize. I am truly sorry I left Earth, I left you, without telling you but I saw no other way then. I felt betrayed by your behavior and wanted to leave everything which had to do with humans behind me. If you had to be my roll model then I did not want to become more human than I already was. Now I understand that you have every right to do whatever you want because we did not have a exclusive commitment and so I apologize. I should have told you I was leaving.”

I looked at her again. I saw her mouth moving but I did not hear anything. My blood was thundering in my ears and I only looked at her. So good to see, so unbelievable, so good. I had to be dreaming.

Seven looked at me. Now she did look me in the eyes. Still I did not say anything. I just could not, every function in my body failed.

“Then I will leave the two of you alone again. Thank you for seeing me” and with that she turned and walked to the door. She was almost outside when Angel took my hand and shook it.

“Mommy, do something, she is leaving. She did not even drink something”

I looked down at Angel and then at the door again. It was almost shut again and Seven was standing outside. Suddenly an anger boiled in me, she was walking away again. No way that was going to happen.

So I rushed to the door, opened it and shouted “No way Seven, you are leaving me again, and leave me looking for you for more than 5 years. You’d better come in before I drag you into my house. You better apologize to me, give me one good reason you think you have the right you can walk away again. COME IN NOW !!! And I am not your captain any more.” I was so angry, I was shaking on my legs.

Seven looked over her shoulder. She did not understand at all. I saw her looking at Angel who looked very shocked at me, she had never seen me so angry before, neither of them. Seven then turned around and came to the house again.

Standing right before me said “I just apologized, Captain. What do you want more ?”

I looked at her again, and again and saw nothing but honesty in her eyes. Thank heaven, some things did not change. I felt I calmed down.

“I am sorry Seven, it’s just such a shock to see you after all these years, please come in and repeat what you said before. I did not hear one single word of it.” I surprised Seven, I even surprised myself when I pulled at her and hugged her. First she was a little stiff but then she relaxed and even hugged me back.

“Thank you, captain, I will comply.”

“My mother is an admiral, you know” we both heard Angel say next beside us.

“Seven, this is my daughter Angel, Angel this is Seven of Nine….”I did not know what to say more about Seven, my friend, your mother, the woman I love, I just did not know.

“I know, Tuvok told me about her and uncle Tom also talks about her sometimes. She is the same woman you have a picture from in your drawing” Angel stated calmly.

I felt I turned red, my little girl gave way one of my best kept secrets. Seven looked at me and then at Angel again.

“I heard about you too, I know you are a smart little girl who is very good at mathematics.”

Now I looked surprised at Seven with a question in my eyes. Seven still could read my expressions and said softly.

“Tuvok.”

With that we walked inside and talked about small thing. Angel asked Seven to have dinner with us and after that I brought Angel to her bed.

“Will Seven still be here tomorrow ?” she asked.

“I don’t know sweetie, we will have to talk a lot tonight.”

“I like her” Angel replied softly and then settled to go to sleep.

“I will do everything to keep her” I promised her. I was not even sure she did not hear me as she seemed already to be asleep. I think it was more a promise to myself.

When I walked down, I walked into the kitchen again. Seven was still sitting at the table. I looked at her and for a moment we both did not know what to say.

“Seven, I am so glad that you are back. Where have you been, why did you leave, why did you not tell me? I was so desperate when I could not find you. I was so worried that something had happened to you.” I laid my soul bare.

Then she begun to tell. She went all over the quadrant, traveling from place to place, from planet to planet, never with the intention to stay. She wished not to be found. First she went to people who lived only by their emotions. She felt bad when she left, she felt hurt but expected from these people to learn how to deal with her emotions. That did not work, these people were so instable and everything was so inefficient that she left. She then went to an other planet where they were living by the same ideas. There is also did not work.

She still felt hurt and her condition did not get better. After that she wandered through the quadrant looking for something she did not know. After four years she went to Vulcan to go for a year of meditation. When she had been there she had met Tuvok who had become one of the teachers at the institute.

Although every teacher thought she was an excellent student Tuvok asked more questions. Questions about what she meditated about and how it made her feel. When he found out what Seven had been using to meditate about he advised her to reconsider the choices she had made in her life. So she did and here she was to apologize to Kathryn.

“What did you meditate about that Tuvok said that to you had to reconsider your life” Kathryn wondered loudly.   Seven looked at me and answered “I used your image to meditate about” and then she slightly blushed.

I looked at her again and saw again how tired she looked. But I needed more answers.

“Why did you leave?”

Now Seven seemed to be uncomfortable. One second I thought I was not going to answer my question. Softly she told her reasons.

She thought that the both of us had a special bond, a bond we did not explicitly had named but a kind of bond that went further than a normal friendship. She thought that I was not ready to take the relation into a further steps. After we had the discussion about King Coy and the way he and Nais interacted she had been studying my behavior. She found out that I smiled more at the King than at her and when I came home two nights with his smell on my body she began to understand that she was mistaken about our relationship. She came to the conclusion that I cared more about the King than I cared about her.

I listened to her and wanted to interrupt her at several points but she stopped me with the remark that she could tell this only once because it still hurt too much. So I let her talk.

Although she had always thought that friendship was not that important she was hurt more than she ever expected. And she withdrew.

I remembered that but I thought it had something to do with al the things that happened after these days. Not before long the admiral had come on board of Voyager and we were busy preparing for our journey home and our attack at the Borg. And when we came home to Earth we both were busy with the briefings and after that she left.

Seven was not finished yet. She told me that when we were home I cancelled our dinner more than once. And one night I promised to call her after I went to the doctor but I did not. And when she requested the computer where I was I appeared to be at the home of the most famous lesbian in the world. A lesbian from who was known that she could not withstand the challenge to seduce every woman who was nearby. And in Seven’s eyes Kathryn was woman to be seduced. So when I still was there at four o’clock in the morning she assumed I was sleeping with the woman.

I was completely astonished that she could that of me and was going to protest when Seven held up her hand.

“Please let me finish.”

After that it appeared that Seven was hailed by a journalist. The journalist told Seven that Kathryn was pregnant for approximately nine weeks. If Seven could tell some more details about the events on Meya because the journalist was absolutely sure that the captain had become pregnant there. Seven had refused flatly but had drawn her conclusion that Kathryn indeed slept with the King.

And so she had drawn her final conclusion that Kathryn and she did not share anything special.

From everything Seven told me I still did not understood one thing.

“Seven, why did you not ask ?”

“I was so hurt by that time that I could not stand to see you. So I could not even stand to answer your hails. I was so hurt……”

“O, Seven, you did not have to be hurt. I love you so much. I have been so lonely without you all these years.” I did not feel afraid any more. These years without Seven made it more clear to me than ever that Seven was the one for me and form what she told me the feeling was mutual.

We looked at each other and as in agreement we stood up together and walked towards each other.

“Seven..”

“Kathryn..”

And with that we hugged each other. We needed to feel each other, feel the connection. And it was absolutely amazing to feel her against me. After we stood there for some time Seven disengaged.

“Kathryn I understand that you love me, but why did you sleep with King Coy.”

“I did not sleep with the King, Seven.”

“But you have Angel and I know she was born nine months after we visited Meya.”

“That is correct Seven but Angel” and suddenly I realized I could finally tell Seven the truth, it was such a major moment, “Seven, Angel is your daughter…..”

I had never ever seen Seven without words.

“That is not possible.”

“O, yes it is. I will tell you…” and with that I told her the story………….


The end