A Thousand Lifetimes

"It will be in my report." Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager said, leaning forward on the navigation console.

"I look forward to reading about it." Admiral Paris replied, returning her welcome smile.

Kathryn looked around her. The entire Bridge was silent, everyone's attention was fixated on the screen. "Okay everyone, we have a lot to do and not much time to do it in." Kathryn called, bringing everyone's attention back to her.

The view screen changed to show Earth floating in space ahead of them; they were surrounded by space ships of all sizes and all classes. "We are being hailed Captain." Harry called.

"On screen." Kathryn replied, and turned back to the screen. A blue-faced Bolean Captain filled the display. "This is the Federation Starship Oleandar welcoming the Captain of Voyager and her crew back to the Alpha Quadrant." He stated, and Kathryn smiled.

"Thank you for the welcome." She said returning his smile.

"There are more messages of welcome coming in Captain." Tuvok stated impassively.

Kathryn turned back to the screen. The Bolean smiled. "I will not keep you. Good luck." He said, before ending the transmission.

Kathryn turned around to face her crew. "Okay everyone, let's go home." She said, and stepped up to her chair.

Fourteen long hours later Kathryn sat down on the long sofa in her quarters. She sipped the glass of iced water that she had poured for herself and looked around her. "I will miss this place." She said to no one.

The door chime heralded a visitor. "Come." She called, not bothering to get up.

The door swooshed open and Seven of Nine walked into the room. "Seven." Kathryn said enthusiastically, inhaling deeply as she realized that her quarters were not the only thing she would miss.

"Captain, I wish to speak with you." Seven stated.

Kathryn waved her over to the sofa. "Here, sit down, can I get you a drink?" She asked.

Seven crossed the room, moving between the boxes of personal items that Kathryn had packed up. "No, thank you." She said, not looking at Kathryn as she sat down.

"Seven what is wrong?" Kathryn asked, realizing that Seven was not happy.

"Captain permission to speak freely." Seven asked staring down at her hands clasped in her lap.

"Seven, you can always speak freely to me." Kathryn said softly, resting her hand gently on Seven's arm.

Seven looked down at the small hand that contrasted starkly with the dark material of her purple biosuit. She didn't speak, struggling to control her emotions. She swallowed several times and Kathryn realized that Seven was having a real problem speaking her mind. "You know Seven," she began, hoping to put Seven at her ease. "We have known each other for a long time now, and I believe that we have grown very close. I am very fond of you." She lied, wishing that she had the courage to tell Seven that her feelings for the younger woman were a lot deeper than fondness. "I really hope that we will remain close now that we are back on Earth." She finished; her heart was beating rapidly in her chest.

Seven finally looked up at her. "Captain, I would like that very much too." She said, her voice was quiet and strained.

"Call me Kathryn Seven?" The older woman asked, raising her hand to tenderly brush away a strand of hair that had come loose from Seven's severe French plait.

"Kathryn, can I ask you something?" Seven asked and Kathryn nodded.

"When you talked to yourself, back in the Delta Quadrant, and you told yourself that I had died. What went through your mind?" Seven asked.

Kathryn inhaled and sat back. She recalled the impact that those simple words had had on her when she, as Admiral Janeway, had informed herself, as Captain Janeway, that if they didn't return to the Borg transwarp conduits and use them to return home, that Seven would die. She didn't know how to tell Seven how she had felt, and her emotions raged through her as she recalled that moment, when her world had stopped and nothing else had mattered except saving Seven's life. "I was worried, I know that you are starting a relationship with Chakotay and I care about you both. I.." she stopped unable to go on.

"Kathryn I want you to know that Chakotay and I will never be able to repay you for what you have done for us." Seven said, looking away again.

"That is ok Seven." Kathryn said, something inside her was dying as she realized that she could never tell Seven of her real feelings.

"I will stay in touch." Seven said, standing up and ending the conversation.

"Seven just promise me one thing. That you and Commander Chakotay will have a wonderful life together, you deserve each other." Kathryn said fighting her tears as she stood and walked with Seven to the door.

"I will try." Seven said simply, and left the room.

Once outside in the corridor Seven leaned against the wall and rested her head back on the cool metal. She sighed heavily. In the last few weeks she had thought that she and Chakotay were growing closer, falling in love. But now that they were back on Earth she was scared that she wouldn't be able to be what he wanted her to be. They had spent several hours that day talking about their plans. Chakotay had wanted to get married immediately, to find somewhere to live, and to start a family. Seven had wanted to wait, to see how things panned out. Until they knew what was to become of them both. Chakotay had grown impatient with her caution, and Seven had seen a side to him that she hadn't seen before, one that she wasn't sure that she really liked, as he had told her that once they were married she wouldn't work, but would stay at home to look after him and the children.

Seven didn't know how long she stood outside the Captain's quarters, but she finally stood up again and returned to the door. The door opened in response to her chime and she stepped into the dimly lit interior. The boxes that she had previously stepped around were now stacked up closer to the door, and the room appeared empty and barren. Seven felt a pang of regret stab her as she looked around. "Seven?" Kathryn asked moving towards her.

Kathryn had removed her uniform jacket and boots and consequently was several inches shorted than the younger woman. Seven's heart rebounded in her chest as she looked down at the disheveled and perspiring woman standing in front of her. "I am sorry to bother you again Captain." She said.

"I told you to call me Kathryn, and you never bother me Seven." Kathryn said, gesturing to Seven that she should enter the room and sit down.

"I needed to ask you something else." Seven said cautiously.

"Of course. Can I get you a drink?" She asked, reaching for her own glass.

Seven turned to face her. "Yes, tea would be very pleasant." She said, and watched as Kathryn crossed the room to the replicator.

"Two cups of jasmine tea." Kathryn commanded, the computer bleeped and they appeared.

"So what was it you wanted to ask me?" Kathryn asked, passing one of the silver colored cups to the younger woman.

"It is rather personal." Seven said, sipping the hot tea and realizing it was far too hot for her to drink.

She rested the cup and saucer on the table in front of her and sat back. Kathryn settled into the soft cushions of the sofa and sipped her tea, it was perfect. "Go ahead." Kathryn encouraged.

Seven swallowed several times before speaking. "Chakotay and I were discussing our future." She began, and Kathryn felt a stab of disappointment pierce her heart.

"He wants us to marry immediately, and then he wants us to have children, and for me to stay at home and look after the children and him." Seven said, staring down at her hands as she twisted her fingers together.

"Is that not what you want?" Kathryn asked when she realized that Seven wasn't going to continue.

"No it isn't. I need to spend some time adjusting to life on Earth, I have a family to meet and get to know, I have places to visit and I have a new life ahead of me. I don't want to be closeted away with only babies and Chakotay for company." Seven blurted out.

Kathryn could feel the pain in her voice. "Did you tell Chakotay this?" She asked, sitting forward and putting her cup next to Seven's on the glass topped table.

"Yes, and he said there would be plenty of time for all of that after we have got married. It is just that. Just that.." Seven's voice trailed off and a fat tear rolled down her face.

Kathryn's heart broke and she reached forward to put her arm around Seven's shoulder. "Oh Seven." She said.

Seven leaned into the smaller woman and allowed the tears to flow freely. "You don't feel ready for such a commitment do you?" Kathryn asked, stroking Seven's hair softly.

Seven shook her head. Kathryn hugged her tightly. "You have to tell Chakotay that he is rushing you. I know how much he loves you, and he wants to begin living the rest of his life with you as soon as he can." She said, wishing that she could feel happier for the couple.

"It just doesn't feel right though Captain." Seven sobbed, and Kathryn didn't bother to tell her to drop the formality of her title.

"You just need time to get used to it, you will find that it will feel right one day, and then you will know that you are ready." Kathryn said.

"But I have never felt really relaxed with him, or felt the need to be with him when he isn't there, the way I know I should. I feel more relaxed with you than I do with him." Seven said, sitting up and wiping her tears away.

Kathryn smiled. "Seven you and I have a special bond, it is different to the way you feel about Chakotay, we will always have that bond, and you will develop one with Chakotay in time."

Seven sniffed. "So you are saying that I should give our relationship more time?" She asked.

Kathryn smiled and nodded. "Yes Seven, and if you love Chakotay then you will soon become more relaxed, and happy in his company." She said, reaching for her tea.

"Will I want to touch him?"

Kathryn nodded. "Yes, and you will find that you miss him when he isn't there, you will miss the sound of his voice, and you will find that you will want to be with him and to touch him, and be touched by him." She said, sipping her tea.

"The way I do with you?" Seven asked.

Kathryn nearly choked on her tea. She coughed violently, quickly putting the teacup down again, and reaching for the box of tissues that was no longer on the back of the sofa. "The way you want to do what with me?" She gasped through her coughing, looking around for something to wipe her mouth with and resorting to using her hand.

Seven leaned forward and rubbed Kathryn's back between her shoulder blades the way she had seen Samantha Wildman do when Naomi had a coughing fit in the mess hall one day. "The way I want to be with you, and to touch you." She said, watching as Kathryn regained her composure.

"You want to touch me?" Kathryn asked, her heart was beating so hard that she was sure that Seven could hear it.

"Yes, is that not normal?" Seven asked and Kathryn could tell that she was not joking.

"Well it depends Seven. How do you want to touch me?" She asked, her blood singing in her ears.

"I want to touch you, to put my hands on your body." Seven said, resting one hand on Kathryn's shoulder as she spoke.

"Just touch me?" Kathryn asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

"And to feel the softness of your skin." Seven said, looking at her hand as she brushed her fingers against the smooth skin of Kathryn's cheek.

Kathryn closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. Her whole body reacted to Seven's touch, bolts of electricity shot from where Seven's fingers touched her skin, pulsating through her body and concentrating in her groin. "Seven." She whispered, opening her eyes again and looking up into the bright blue eyes of the former Borg.

"Do you want to touch me?" Seven whispered, her lips were so close to Kathryn that she could feel the soft breath on her face.

"Seven." Kathryn said again.

"Kathryn."

"I have wanted to touch you for so long. I have tried to stop wanting you, but I wasn't able to." Kathryn said, reaching up and placing her hand on Seven's face.

The younger woman closed her eyes and rested her head. "Seven, do you want to kiss me?" Kathryn asked, her heart hammering so hard she felt faint.

"Yes." Seven whispered so quietly Kathryn almost didn't hear her.

Kathryn leaned her head forward, hesitantly. She looked into Seven's eyes, which gazed back at her. Slowly their lips met and for an instant neither woman was sure what to do next. Then Kathryn pressed more firmly, moving her lips against Seven's. She placed her other hand on the younger woman's face, grasping Seven's head as they kissed. Breathing deeply Kathryn pulled away. "Is this what it is supposed to be like?" Seven asked quietly.

"When it is right Seven, it will feel wonderful." Kathryn said, licking her lips and breathing hard.

"This feels wonderful. This feels right, like we are meant to be together." Seven replied between heaving breaths.

"Yes Seven I think we are." Kathryn said, leaning forward and kissing Seven again.

Her tongue pressed against Seven's full lips seeking entry. Seven parted her lips willingly, and Kathryn deepened the kiss.

"Tuvok to Captain Janeway." The Vulcan's monotonic voice called over the intercom.

Kathryn sat back. "Janeway here." She replied, hoping that she didn't sound as out of breath as she felt.

"Captain, we are ready to enter space dock." Tuvok stated, apparently not noticing her heavy breathing.

"I will be right there." Kathryn said, ending the communication.

"We should go on to the bridge." She said, and then leaned forward to kiss Seven again.

Seven responded by leaning into her body and clasping her arms around the smaller woman. "Seven." Kathryn said, breaking the embrace.

"What will happen now?" Seven asked, her innocence and fear tore at Kathryn's heart.

"We will dock in the space station, then you and I will start our lives together. You will have to work out how to tell Chakotay." She said.

Seven closed her eyes. "Do I have to?" She asked as Kathryn stood up.

"Yes Seven you do, it is only fair." She reached for her uniform shirt and fastened it around her.

"Kathryn you *do* want to be with me don't you?" Seven asked, her heart beating rapidly in her chest.

Kathryn turned to face her and clasped her arm in one hand. "Oh yes Seven. Very much. We will be together, we can request joint quarters when we disembark." She said, trying to sooth the younger woman's fears.

Seven tried to smile. "Now, come on before someone comes looking for us." Kathryn said, sitting down to pull her boots back on.

She grabbed her uniform jacket as they left the room, and made their way along the corridor towards the turbo lift. Once inside the lift Kathryn fastened her jacket as Seven smoothed her hair. "You don't know how happy I feel." Seven said.

Kathryn looked up at her and smiled. "And you don't know how happy *I* feel." She said, reaching up to quickly press a kiss to Seven's lips.

The turbo lift doors opened almost before she realized, and they two women quickly left the lift, Kathryn was blushing slightly and Tuvok looked at her strangely. "Captain?" He asked.

Kathryn ignored him as she stepped down to her chair. "Seven, there you are, I have been looking for you." Chakotay said, moving quickly to her side.

He grabbed her hand and pressed it to his lips, Seven pulled it away from him and stepped back. "Chakotay, there is something I need to talk to you about." She said quietly.

"Voyager this is space dock gate eleven. You have permission to enter." A disembodied voice called over the intercom.

"Mr. Paris, over to you." Kathryn said, and Tom smiled as he steered the ship carefully towards the huge space doors.

The ship shuddered as the tractor beam from the space dock locked onto Voyager's hull. Tom sat back, his job done. He sighed loudly. "That is the last time I will pilot this ship." He said, his voice heavy with regret.

"I am sure that you will be moving on to bigger and better things Lieutenant." The Captain said smiling down at him.

Kathryn sighed heavily as Voyager moved slowly through the space doors and into the interior of the space dock. She had waited for seven years for this moment, but now that it was happening, something inside her was sad that their journey was ending. She turned around to look at the bridge, and noticed that Chakotay and Seven were missing. She looked up at Harry who was busy monitoring the ship's movement, and then she glanced at Tuvok. He raised one eyebrow. "Yes Tuvok, I am a little sad." She said, anticipating his thoughts.

He didn't reply as Kathryn sat down. For the last time she realized, and she patted the arms of the Captain's chair. "I will miss this ship." She said, and Tom turned to look at her.

"What do you think will happen to us?" He asked.

"Oh we will be reassigned, long overdue promotions will occur, and we will scatter to the four winds." She sighed.

Tom raised his eyebrows and smiled. "You sound regretful." He said.

Kathryn smiled. "Not regretful Tom, just thoughtful. We will all stay in touch I have no doubt, there will be long debriefing sessions for us all, and major adjustments for a lot of us. But no matter what, we will still be family, we always will be family." She said.

Chakotay appeared at her side and slumped into his chair. Kathryn looked at him and he returned her smile with a cold glare. Kathryn was hurt by the animosity in his eyes, and watched him for several moments after he had turned his head away from her. Seven appeared at her right shoulder. "I will be in Astrometrics Captain." She said quietly, and Kathryn nodded.

"We will be docked in about 5 minutes Seven, so gather everything that you need from there, and be ready to transport soon after." She said quietly.

As she turned her head back to watch the ships progress into the dock she realized that Chakotay was glaring at her. She turned to face him. "Commander, would you please inform the crew that we will be disembarking soon." She said, not looking him in the eye.

Two hours later Kathryn was standing in Admiral Paris' office. She had given him a condensed version of their time in the Delta Quadrant, and a very condensed version of their journey back through the Borg transwarp conduit. "Well Kathryn I am sure that you need to sleep, we will meet again in the morning for further discussion. In the meantime, can I take you for dinner somewhere?" Admiral Paris asked, moving around the desk to stand beside her.

"That is very kind of you, but I have a dinner date already." Kathryn said, as the door swooshed open.

"Oh? Anyone I know?" Owen Paris asked his curiosity piqued.

"I don't think you have met her, but you know of her." Kathryn said, smiling across the outer office as Seven of Nine stood up.

Kathryn crossed the room to where Seven stood. "Hi, you ready?" She said quietly.

Seven nodded as their hands met. Kathryn smiled up at her. "Let me just introduce you to the Admiral officially." She said turning back to where the older man stood.

He smiled back at them as they walked towards him. "Seven of Nine, please meet Admiral Owen Paris. Owen, Seven." Kathryn said.

"I didn't know you two were a couple? How long have you been together?" He asked, extending his arm to shake Seven's hand enthusiastically.

Seven looked down at Kathryn and smiled, then looked back up at the Admiral. "A thousand lifetimes." She said quietly.

The End