Death Becomes Her.

Seven walked into the sickbay. She was stunned, and definitely *not* functioning within normal parameters. The doctor was standing beside a biobed, scanning the person lying within the bioshield. Seven moved silently across the room to stand beside him. She looked down at the comatose woman whose life was draining away from her. The Doctor looked up. "Seven, what are you doing here? It is 3am." He stated putting down his tricorder and reaching for a hypospray.

Seven didn't speak, she just stared at the prone form lying shrouded by the gray dome of the biobed. A single tear slipped from her eye and rolled unheeded down her cheek. "Are you making any progress Doctor?" She asked quietly.

He didn't look at her as he administered an injection. "No Seven. I haven't been able to identify the toxin, and I am unable to prevent its destruction of her tissue. There isn't anything else that I can do." He said, his voice was soft but his words clawed into Seven's heart.

She reached out one hand to rest the back of her fingers against the soft skin of the Captain's cheek. "So she will die." She whispered.

"I am afraid so." The Doctor said, the words caused him as much distress as they did Seven.

Seven sniffed, and then sobbed and tears flowed down her face. She reached her other hand to rest on the Captain's face. "Seven I must ask.."

"Computer deactivate the EMH." Seven sobbed and the Doctor dematerialized.

Seven stood staring down for a few moments, and then pressed a button on the side of the bed. The gray Plexiglas dome opened, Seven bent to rest her head on Kathryn's chest and sobbed. Then she slid her arms beneath the Captain's body, lifting her from the bed and clasping her close to her body. Seven sat on the bed holding the Captain tightly. Her slim body was so light in Seven's arms, Kathryn's arms hung loosely down and her head lolled against Seven's breast. And Seven cried for the love that she had lost without every truly knowing it.

Some time later, she didn't know how long she had sat there, Seven rested Kathryn back on the bed and reactivated the bioshield, and then left the room.

********************************

Kathryn stood with her back against the wall. It was pitch dark and she had no idea where she was. She had no idea how she had got there, and she had no idea how to get out of wherever it was. She listened intently, but the only sounds were her breathing, and her heart hammering in her chest. The wall behind her felt cold and smooth, and she moved her fingers trying to ascertain what the wall was made of. Suddenly something flickered in the distance, and she saw that there was a light. She moved hesitantly forward, reaching out with her hands, in case there was something in front of her. Her footsteps were faltering, and she was aware that she was taking a long time to move forward, but she was petrified of falling into a hole in the ground that she couldn't see.

As she got closer to the light Kathryn could see that it was flickering erratically. She could also see that she was in a tunnel roughly hewn from rock. The light continued to flicker on and off, blinking like a strobe in the darkness. As Kathryn got closer to it she could see someone crouched in front of the light, and it appeared that they were trying to stop the flickering. "Hello?" She called out, and the woman turned to look at her.

Kathryn stopped and stared. She was confused, bemused and curious. The woman who faced her was the guide who had helped her find the spiritual understanding that she had needed to save Kes's life on the Nechani home world several years earlier. "Hello again Kathryn." The woman said in greeting.

Kathryn moved forward. "You? What are you doing here?" She asked, looking around her in amazement.

"That is a very good question Kathryn." The guide said as she stood.

"Where am I?" Kathryn asked, peering into the gloom.

"Where is anyone?" The guide countered, and Kathryn turned to look at her.

"The last thing I remember is slipping down a hillside and scraping my arm on a bush covered in strange purple flowers." Kathryn said, her voice was echoing back at her.

The guide didn't speak, simply smiled at her. A sudden blinding white light shone through an opening in the wall. Kathryn shielded her eyes against the glare. "What is that? Is it the way out?" She asked quietly.

The guide smiled. "Why don't you go and look." She said, indicating the doorway as she spoke.

Kathryn moved towards the opening, squinting against the bright white light. She shielded her eyes with one hand as she approached the doorway. "Is it a room?" She asked, trying to see through the door.

"Why don't you go through and find out?" The guide asked her gently.

Kathryn didn't hesitate, she walked through the doorway into a room that was all white. There were large spotlights illuminating the walls, and Kathryn looked around her, as her eyes slowly adjusted to the glare. A clang made her turn and look, and she saw that the door had closed behind her. She stepped to the doorway and ran her hands around the frame. There was no handle, no way to open the door again. She was trapped. She turned back to face the room. Kathryn was alone in the bright white room, and she walked into the middle of the space and looked around her. Perhaps there was another door.

After a few moments, she realized that there was no other doorway, no way out of the room other than via the door she had come through, and no way to reopen that door. Kathryn sighed and looked around her again. "Hello?" She called out.

Her voice echoed around the room until all she could hear was herself calling out. "Damn." She said, moving away from the center of the room.

She crossed the floor to the edge of the room and ran her hands over the flat wall. It was smooth and warm to her touch, and she wondered what wall was made from. She flattened her hand against the obstruction and moved towards the door. Suddenly she felt the hardness of the wall give way, and she pressed harder. It gave way and fell down in front of where she stood. Kathryn stepped through the hole into another room, and looked around her again.

The guide reappeared. "Where am I?" Kathryn asked again.

"Don't you know?" The guide asked cryptically, and Kathryn shook her head.

"No, I have no idea." She said looking around her again.

"Oh Kathryn, I think you do know where you are, and why you are here." The guide said moving away from her as she spoke.

Kathryn watched her walk away. "No I have no idea where I am." She said, wondering why she should know where she was.

She turned to look behind her, and the hole had disappeared, the wall was once again intact. Kathryn was very confused. "I don't understand any of this." She said.

"Why are you here?" She asked

"Am I here?"

"If you aren't here then how can I see you and talk to you?" Kathryn asked, frowning.

"You think too much Kathryn, you ask for answers to questions that have yet to be asked."

"I am talking to you, so you must be here." Kathryn stated, slightly unsure of herself.

"I may only exist in your imagination." The guide stated.

She had sat down on a white wooden bench that faced the wall where Kathryn had broken through. "Come and sit down for a while Kathryn." She said gently.

Kathryn hesitated, and then went to sit beside the other woman. They sat on the bench for several minutes, not speaking, not moving, just waiting. "What are we waiting for?" She asked finally, unable to bear the wait any longer.

"You are so impatient." The guide said, smiling gently.

"I should try to contact my ship." Kathryn said, realizing that she had lost her comm. badge at some point.

The guide didn't speak, simply stared intently ahead of her. "What are you looking at?" Kathryn asked.

The guide turned to look at her. "Don't you see?" She asked.

"See what?"

"The images on the wall."

Kathryn turned her head to look at the screen in front of her. There were images being projected onto the white wall. Images of people. A small child was running through a field. There were Star ships, and Star Fleet uniformed people moving around in a haze of shimmering light. "What is it?" She asked.

"Can't you see? Look harder Kathryn." The guide encouraged.

Kathryn turned back to the screen. There was a small child, a girl, being held in the arms of a tall, handsome young Star Fleet officer. The man was familiar to Kathryn, but his face was blurred. "Who is it?" She asked, peering intently at the wall.

Suddenly the figures came into sharp focus and Kathryn sat back. The man was her father, and the small girl in his arms was she when her was a small child. Kathryn's heart was racing, and she felt light headed. "What is this?" She demanded.

The guide just smiled back at her and gestured towards the screen. Kathryn turned back to watch again. She saw herself as a small child, with her parents, her father, and then she was older, and with her sister Phoebe. They were running through a cornfield. Memories slammed into Kathryn's mind, and she remembered that day. Phoebe and she had been for a picnic, they had decided to go fishing and had strayed further away from home than they had realized. Her mother's words of caution were loud in Kathryn's head as she had seen the storm building in the sky. She had encouraged Phoebe to run home with her, they had to run as fast as they could, but they still got caught in the rain. Fortunately they had arrived home before the thunder and lightning had reached the farm, but Kathryn's father had been angry with her for putting Phoebe at risk by straying so far from the farm. Kathryn could hear the rain, she could feel the fear, she could smell the storm, she was thrust back in time to when she had been 9 years old and in charge of her sister's safety.

That scene faded and Kathryn saw herself as a teenager, running through the rain again, this time she was on her way home from a tennis tournament. She had lost a crucial match because she hadn't been concentrating on her game. She was humiliated by her loss, and she had refused all offers of a ride home, and as a result she had to run through the fields in the rain. Once again her father had exacted his irritation at her foolishness. Kathryn's face stung as she remembered how she had felt. She had let him down, she had let herself down.

"What is this?" She asked again.

As scenes from her childhood were played out in front of her Kathryn couldn't take her eyes off the screen. "Is this supposed to point out every mistake that I have made in my life?" She asked, unable to tear her eyes from the moving images on the wall.

"Is that what you expect Kathryn?" The guide asked.

"Expect? I don't know what you mean, what I expect?" Kathryn said, watching herself tying a knot in the airline of her diving partner before she pulled on her aqualung.

"Did you expect to have to re-live all the mistakes that you had made in your life?" The guide said.

Kathryn wished she wouldn't answer questions with questions. "I know I made mistakes, everyone makes mistakes." She said.

The scene changed and Kathryn was sitting in a classroom, her father was standing in front of the class lecturing on exobiology. Kathryn saw that she looked extremely bored. "Why am I re-living my life?" She asked finally able to turn her eyes away from the wall.

The guide smiled at her. "Is that what you are doing?" She asked gently.

"Is that not what is happening?" Kathryn asked her in response, her heart was hammering in her chest, and she felt giddy from the brightness of the lights.

"Is it?"

"I thought only dying people had to watch their lives over again." Kathryn said suddenly.

Then she turned to face the wall again. She was in the Delta Quadrant, the Caretaker's array was on the view screen and she was ordering its destruction. "Am I dying?" She asked quietly.

"What is dying Kathryn? Isn't dying just a word? A way to describe your transition from one form of existence to another?" The guide said, standing up.

Kathryn stood up and turned her back on the screen as Captain Janeway fired a phaser at a Vidiian in a corridor on Voyager. The guide moved towards the wall on the opposite side of the room, it dissolved in front of her and she walked on through the mists that appeared in its place. "Has my life ended?" Kathryn called, rushing after the woman before she disappeared as well.

"Only you can know that Kathryn." The guide said.

"Wait." Kathryn called, waving her arms to try to dissipate the fog.

"I'm not going anywhere." The guide said, suddenly appearing at her shoulder.

"I am not ready to die." Kathryn said, grasping the woman's arm.

She smiled. "No one ever is truly ready Kathryn." She said, turning away.

The two women walked down a short corridor, and then passed through an archway into another room. "But I don't want to die." Kathryn said, wondering how she could get out of this situation.

"What is death?" The guide asked.

"Okay, I don't want to leave my existence on Voyager."

"Ah, well we aren't always in charge."

"Who is in charge? Can I talk to them? Perhaps if I have a chance to put forward my objections, he will let me go back." Kathryn said.

The guide smiled. "If that is what you would like to do." She said.

Kathryn looked around her hopefully. There were several other people sitting in the room. "Are you waiting to see him?" She asked.

No one responded to her question and Kathryn looked at the guide. "They can't hear you." She explained.

"Do I have to wait in line?" She asked.

The guide smiled. "I don't know Kathryn, this is your reality now, only you know what happens next." She said.

Kathryn went to sit next to a small elderly woman who was seated against the wall. She looked forward, trying to see what was holding the old lady's attention. There opposite her was another screen. There were more figures moving around in the haze of swirling fog. Again there were people in uniform. "Who are they?" She asked.

There was no reply and Kathryn looked but couldn't see the guide. She turned her attention back to the screen. She saw Star Fleet uniforms, and frowned as she willed the images into focus. She could see Chakotay, Tuvok, Harry and Tom; they were all smiling, and seemed to be having a good time. She smiled. She was glad that they were happy. She didn't recognize the situation though, and realized this wasn't her past. B'Elanna appeared at Tom's shoulder, and she too was smiling and looking very happy. She held a small child in her arms and Kathryn frowned. "What is this?" She asked of no one.

"What do you think it is Kathryn?"

The baby was grinning back at her, and then Tom took her from his wife's arms. Kathryn realized that his was Tom and B'Elanna's baby, but she looked to be about 18 months old. "It looks like the future." Then Kathryn saw herself, she was standing behind the others, and she wasn't smiling.

"Why am I not enjoying myself?" She asked.

"Perhaps the situation is not to your liking?" The guide asked.

She was sitting next to Kathryn where the old lady had been. "Why am I seeing my future?" Kathryn asked quietly.

"Is it your future that you see?"

Kathryn turned back to the screen and saw that she was no longer part of the group. "Is it my future?" She asked.

"Kathryn only you know if you have a future." The guide said quietly.

Kathryn concentrated on the screen. Seven of Nine appeared. Kathryn inhaled sharply. Seven looked incredible. Kathryn couldn't think of the words to describe the image of the young woman before her. Her heart was hammering in her chest, and she felt a rush of warmth through her body. Seven was in white, a long white dress that clung to her curvaceous body. Kathryn inhaled deeply as she realized that it was a wedding dress. The veil was sheer white lace that hung on front of Seven's face, the bodice of the dress was tightly fitted to the young woman's body and the skirt was full, held away from her by unseen forces. She seemed to float as she walked towards the small group.

Kathryn stared ahead of her the scene changed and she was looking down on the group as if they were standing in a pit below her. The small group of men stood waiting for Seven to reach them. It was Seven's wedding day, but Kathryn couldn't work out whom she was to marry. All the men were in uniform, and they were all standing together. Perhaps Harry had captured Seven's heart. Kathryn hoped it was Harry. As Seven approached them the group split up and Chakotay stepped forward.

Kathryn's heart stopped in her chest. Chakotay held his arm out to the beautiful young woman in white, she took his arm and they smiled at each other and stepped up to stand in front of the Captain. Kathryn watched someone, who was not herself, conduct the ceremony and tears spilled from her eyes. She couldn't understand why they were doing this. Why was Seven marrying Chakotay?

She could see what was going on, she could see herself at the back of the room. She looked unhappy, more than unhappy, she looked devastated. Kathryn could fully understand why she would be so unhappy. "No." She said quietly.

"No?" The guide repeated

"No, she can't marry him." Kathryn muttered.

"Why not Kathryn?"

"Because she doesn't love him."

"But she is marrying him, so she must love him."

"No, no she doesn't love him, she loves me." Kathryn said desperately, looking at the guide who was sitting beside her.

The guide smiled. "But if she loves you Kathryn why is she marrying someone else?" The guide asked.

Kathryn stared at the wedding scene in front of her. Tears flowed down her face. "Because I never told her that I love her." She whispered.

Her voice was so quiet that she barely heard it herself, but she knew that she had spoken the words. "But it makes no difference now anyway Kathryn, you have died." The guide said.

"No." Kathryn said.

"No?"

"No."

"You mean you haven't died?"

"No."

"It isn't enough Kathryn."

"But it isn't fair."

"Nothing is fair Kathryn."

"But I didn't get the chance to tell her. To tell her how I feel. To tell her that I love her more than anything."

"More than life?"

"More than life."

"But now you know what will happen. And once you know what will happen to you, you can change the outcome."

"How can I alter the future?"

"You can change the progression of events Kathryn."

"But I am dead."

"Are you?"

Kathryn sat watching as Seven and Chakotay walked away from her, arm in arm, smiling at each other, happy in their union. And then Seven turned to look over her shoulder. She looked directly into Kathryn's eyes, and Kathryn knew that this was not what she wanted. "I have to stop this." She said, standing up and looking around her.

"How will you do that when you have died?" The guide asked.

"I haven't died." Kathryn said.

"So where are you??

"I don't know, but there must be a way out of here." Kathryn said, walking towards the wall.

She had pushed her way through the wall once; she knew that she could do it again. She put her hands against the cool plaster of the wall and pushed. Nothing happened. She pushed again, still nothing, so she moved along the wall, pushing as she went. "What are you looking for Kathryn?"

"A way out."

"There is no way out."

"There must be, I don't believe that I have died."

"Who said that you had died?"

"You did." Kathryn said, turning to look at the woman standing behind her,

The guide smiled. "No Kathryn you decided that you had died." She said.

"Then what is this?" Kathryn asked gesturing around her as she spoke.

"This is whatever you want it to be. A glimpse into your future perhaps, or maybe a wake up call to yourself. A reminder to not let things get away from you. It is whatever you want it to be Kathryn." The guide said.

Kathryn turned away from her again. "I have to find a way out of here, I have to get back. I have to tell her that I love her." She said, pushing against the wall as she moved along.

The guide watched her move around the room until Kathryn returned to the place where she had started. "There is no way out?" She asked, breathing heavily from the exertion of pushing against the wall.

"That is up to you Kathryn." The guide said and Kathryn turned on her.

"Can't you give me a straight answer?" She demanded.

The guide smiled. "I am but a figment of your imagination Kathryn, my questions are only those that you are asking yourself." She said, and Kathryn saw that the guide was not whole.

"I am not dying. I am alive." She said loudly.

The guide smiled, the mists that swirled around her had swallowed up her body. "Keep telling yourself that." She said, her voice seemed to be an echo in Kathryn's head.

"I am alive." Kathryn said again, calling across the distance that was now separating the two women.

The guide smiled at her, and Kathryn felt a strange kind of peace settling over her. "I am alive." She called again. vKathryn opened her eyes and looked up into a bright white light. "Captain?" A voice asked.

Kathryn tried to speak but her lips wouldn't move, her mouth wouldn't form the words and the only sound she could make was a sigh.

The Doctor ran his tricorder over her body, he couldn't believe what he was seeing. All her readings had returned to normal. Kathryn turned her head slightly to look up at him. "Captain?" He said, as he continued to scan.

Kathryn swallowed, nodded and blinked all at the same time, in a desperate attempt to get him to understand.

************************

It was three days since Kathryn had woken from her coma. Chakotay stood beside her in sickbay. "You need to rest Captain." He insisted.

The Doctor had been telling her that she needed to rest, he had prescribed a week off duty and Chakotay had agreed. "I am fine." She said, although she still felt weak,

Kathryn's only concern was that in the last three days the only time that she had seen Seven of Nine was when she and Tuvok had appeared to see how she was progressing. "Chakotay please, I will be fine." She insisted again.

Chakotay smiled. "Okay, but you will not be expected on the bridge for another 7 days, and I will ensure that no one takes any orders from you in that time." He said, grinning at her, and then looking up at the Doctor.

Kathryn sighed, she didn't care how long she was off duty for, she just needed to see Seven, to talk to her. Chakotay finally left her alone, and Kathryn swung her legs off the biobed. "Doctor, I will be in my quarters, you can come and visit me there." She said, her voice was hoarse, and she realized that she sounded as bad as she felt, but she wasn't about to admit that to anyone.

"Yes Captain." The EMH said, knowing that as much as he protested, the Captain would do as she pleased.

Kathryn walked towards the door of the sickbay, it had been nearly three weeks since she had last walked, and she felt decidedly weak, but she was not about to admit that. So she drew upon every ounce of reserve energy that she had, and made it out of the door. Once the doors to sickbay had swooshed closed behind her Kathryn leaned against the wall of the corridor and looked around her. There was no one around, no one to witness her weakness. She slid her body along the wall, willing herself to remain upright.

She made slow progress along the corridor towards the turbo lift, wondering why she hadn't simply transported to her quarters. The turbo lift doors opened and her heart sank as she prayed that it wasn't Tuvok or Chakotay inside. Seven stood illuminated from above and Kathryn wondered if there was indeed someone guiding her forward. "Seven." She breathed, leaning against the wall outside the turbo lift.

Seven stepped out of the small lift car. "Captain?" She asked, putting one arm around Kathryn's body and pulling her close.

Kathryn felt Seven's power surging through her and she looped her arm around Seven's waist. "I am sorry." She apologized as they entered the tubolift.

"You do not need to apologize." Seven stated as the doors swooshed closed.

"You know don't you?" Kathryn said, as the lift swept them towards level 2.

"Know what captain?" Seven asked, staring up at the door as she held the Captain in a tight embrace.

"You know that I love you." Kathryn said, her will had seeped from her and she knew that she needed the younger woman to know how much she needed her at that moment.

"Yes Kathryn. I know." Seven stated, not looking down at the smaller woman clasped to her side.