MERRY CHRISTMAS KATHRYN

Stardate 90125.6

Kathryn Janeway sat staring into the fire. She felt hollow, empty and completely dry. She had been crying for days and it felt like years. Chakotay had called her 3 days earlier to tell her that his wife of 36 years, the former Borg drone 7 of 9, had died. She had been suffering from failing health for several years, and the Federation Doctors had been unable to diagnose her illness. She had finally lost her battle for life the previous week. Chakotay had been unable to stop crying when he had called her, and Kathryn herself had been pole axed by the news.

There was a tap on the door, and she stood up. Reaching for her cane she called out to the visitor. "Hang on." As she heard the tapping become impatient.

She hobbled across the room, her arthritis was getting worse and she was having more and more trouble moving around. She knew that she should return to San Francisco to see her doctor soon or risk becoming immobilized by the disease. She heaved a sigh as she pulled the heavy wooden door open. Tom Paris stood on the doorstep. "Admiral." He said grinning down at her.

Janeway stepped aside to allow him into the room, and then looked out into the yard. "B'Elanna not with you?" She asked.

Tom grinned. "No, not today, but she sends her love." He said, and then went across the room to stand by the fire.

Janeway followed him and then lowered herself gently into her rocking chair and hooked her cane over the arm of the chair. "How are you Admiral?" Tom asked, leaning forward and speaking loudly.

Janeway smiled. "Tom, please, I am not an admiral anymore and I am not deaf." Janeway said, returning his smile.

She enjoyed Tom's company, and he and his family were regular visitors to her cabin. "You will always be Admiral to me." He replied, and Janeway realized that he was flirting with her slightly.

She smiled, he always flirted with her, and she always flirted with him, and they both enjoyed it. "How is the family?" She asked.

Tom sat down opposite her. "We are all fine, Miral is very well, you know we have three grandchildren now?" He said, grinning from ear to ear.

Janeway nodded. "I had heard." She said, smiling back at him.

"Kathryn we heard about 7." Tom blurted out.

She fought a new flood of tears and looked away. "Are you ok?" Tom asked, the compassion in his voice was almost her undoing.

She nodded, unable to speak, unable to voice her feelings at 7's death. She knew that it was irrational to be so devastated at the death of one of her former crewmembers. Someone whom she had barely seen in the 36 years since they had arrived back on Earth, and whom she knew she had no right to care so much about. She closed her eyes and tried to fight the emotions that were overtaking her again. She lost the battle and great sobs wracked her frail body.

Tom stood and crossed to where she sat. "I know." He said, kneeling down and holding her to his chest.

She cried into his shoulder for what seemed like ages. Tom was patient as he waited for her to regain control of her emotions. "I knew you would be devastated. You shouldn't be alone. Come and stay with us for a while." He said gently.

Janeway shook her head. She reached for a tissue from the box on the mantelpiece. "No I couldn't." She said, blowing her nose noisily.

"Yes you could." Tom persisted.

Kathryn looked up at him. "What did I do to deserve a friend as good as you?" She asked as a fresh well of tears spilled over.

"You were just you." Tom said, smiling at her, and pushing a strand of grey hair away from her face.

He stood up. "Come on, we can pack some things and be there in a few minutes." He said, looking around the small room.

Janeway didn't move. "Tom I can't. I can't travel by transporter any more, and I can't leave here." She said, staring into the fire.

Tom sighed. "I am not leaving you here alone. And knowing you didn't like the transporters, I brought a shuttlecraft." He said, turning to face her again.

There was a knock on the door. Tom walked across the room to answer it and was surprised to see the Doctor standing on the doorstep. "Doc." He said, stepping back to allow the EMH into the room.

"How is she?" The Doctor asked quietly.

Tom closed the door. "Not too good."

"I thought not, I got here as soon as I could, I have been on Deep Space 3 for the last year. She hasn't been taking her medication either I bet." He said, walking towards Janeway.

"Admiral." He said, stopping at the side of the rocking chair.

Kathryn looked up at him. "Doctor. You haven't changed a bit!" She said, trying to smile through her tears.

"I wish I could say the same." He said, kneeling beside her.

"You haven't been taking your medication have you?" He said, taking her wrist to measure her heart rate.

"Don't nag." She said quietly turning to face the fire again.

"You can't go on like this, just waiting to die." The Doctor said quietly, so that Tom wouldn't hear.

"Why not, I have nothing to live for." She replied.

"Oh come on now, the Captain Janeway I knew and loved would never have talked like this." The Doctor said, reaching into his bag for a medical tricorder.

"The Captain Janeway you knew died a long time ago Doctor." Kathryn said, her voice barely above a whisper.

"It was your choice to let her go."

"I had no choice."

"Of course you did, you could have said something, you could have told her how you felt." The Doctor took her hand and looked into her eyes.

"She was in love with Chakotay." Janeway whispered.

"She never loved Chakotay the way she loved you." He said and Kathryn shook her head.

"You don't know that." She said, pulling her hand away.

"Yes I do, I saw the look on her face the day you told her that it was wonderful that she was in love with Chakotay and that you thought they made a perfect couple. A light went out in her eyes that day, because she thought you didn't love her they way she loved you. She married him because she thought you wanted her to. She was never totally happy with him Kathryn and you know it. That is why you stayed away." The Doctor said, taking a hypospray out of his bag.

"You don't know what you are talking about." Janeway said crossly.

"Look at the state you have let yourself get into!" He defended.

"You have no idea. No idea what I have gone through, what I had to give up." Kathryn said, fresh tears flowing down her wrinkled cheeks.

The Doctor patted her hand gently. "No, I know, but I do know that you have regretted every moment since you walked out of 7's life."

"I didn't walk out of her life. And anyway there is no point in regretting it Doctor, there isn't anything I can do now. I can't even talk to her, I can't even tell her that I loved her, that I still do love her, more than life itself." She whispered, wiping at her eyes.

"Would you go back if you could?" The Doctor asked quietly, looking over his shoulder to see where Tom was.

"Of course I would, but I can't so there is no point in thinking about it. I have spent too much of my life wishing I could go back."

"Well Kathryn, it is Christmas soon, and you never know what Santa Claus will bring you." The Doctor said, as he sensed Tom moving towards them.

Tom moved to stand before them. "I have told her that she is to come and stay with us, we will all go to the funeral together." He said, and the Doctor nodded.

Janeway shook her head. "Oh no, I am not going to the funeral." She said emphatically.

"Yes you are, you have to." Tom said.

Janeway looked up at him. She wondered how much he knew. "No Tom, I couldn't." She said, and looked down again.

The Doctor stood up. "Well you can't stay here on your own much longer. If you persist in refusing treatment for your condition then you will soon be unable to look after yourself." He said, packing his things away again.

"Besides, B'Elanna will kill me if I come back without you." Tom said, reaching down to help Kathryn out of her chair.

She stood up, straighter than she had for a while, and looked at the two men standing before her. One had grown older, wiser, and had become a great friend to her over the last 10 years. The other hadn't changed physically, even slightly, in the last 36 years. Both had expressions on their faces that told her that they wouldn't take no for an answer. "I will come to stay for a few days. But I will not go to the funeral." She finished, looking sternly from Tom to the Doctor and back.

"We'll see." Tom said, as he followed her across the room.

************

Stardate 90127.2

B'Elanna sat at the dining table sipping her tea. Her husband was in the kitchen making pancakes, and humming to himself. She smiled as he hummed a tune that she knew was one of his favorites. If she didn't know better she would think that he was in a very good mood. But today was the day that they would bury 7 of 9, and B'Elanna knew that Tom was anything but happy. Kathryn hobbled into the room, and B'Elanna's heart melted. The older woman was stooped over her cane and clearly having trouble walking that morning. "Here, let me help you." B'Elanna said, moving around the table to hold Kathryn's chair out for her.

The older woman dropped into the seat, and smiled. "Thanks B'Elanna, it is very kind of you to open your home to me." She said, tucking her legs under the table.

"Admiral. Pancakes?" Tom called as he saw her at the table.

Janeway held up one hand. "No, thanks, just coffee." She said.

Tom appeared in the doorway. "You aren't supposed to have coffee." He said, flour was sprinkled over the front of his shirt.

"The good doctor has been bending your ear again I see." Janeway muttered in annoyance.

B'Elanna frowned at Tom and he went back into the kitchen. "Okay, don't look at me like that, I am only doing what I have been told to do. One coffee coming up." He muttered.

"I am not sure that I can do this." Kathryn said suddenly and B'Elanna looked across at her.

She saw the look of sheer desperate grief on Kathryn's face, and her heart melted again. "I know. It will be tough, tough for us all, but you know you have to be there. She would have wanted you to be there." She said softly.

Janeway looked down. She was raw inside, spent, and she didn't know if she had the strength to survive what would surely be one of the most traumatic days of her life. "I would do anything to not be here." She whispered as tears welled up in her eyes.

She blinked furiously, but couldn't control her emotions, and once again she gave into the sobs that had kept her awake for the long lonely nights since 7's death. B'Elanna didn't know what to do, and she looked to Tom for help. He gestured to her that she should go and comfort the older woman. B'Elanna went around the table, and put her arm awkwardly around her former Captain's shoulders. She didn't understand why Kathryn was so devastated by 7's death, she knew they had been close whilst on Voyager, but as far as she knew, since their arrival back in the Alpha Quadrant, the two woman hadn't seen much of each other.

Janeway regained control and pulled away from B'Elanna. "I am sorry. I am sorry, I am such a burden." She said, blowing her nose, which was red and raw from days of crying.

B'Elanna left her and went into the kitchen. "Why is she so upset? It isn't as if they were great friends or anything." She asked Tom.

He looked out of the kitchen to where Janeway sat sipping her coffee. "It is difficult to explain, but they had, a bond. You know." He said, turning back to his pancakes.

"A bond? Yes, but that was 36 years ago." B'Elanna hissed, wishing she understood.

The door chimed and B'Elanna went to let their visitor in. The Doctor walked into the room. "Greetings." He said, gesturing to Tom.

He looked down at Janeway and sighed. "Admiral, I have got something that might help you get through the day." He said, kneeling beside her.

B'Elanna went back into the kitchen. Kathryn looked at him as he reached into his jacket for a hypospray. "What is it?" She asked.

"A sort of, tranquilizer." The Doctor said, administering the drug.

He looked over his shoulder to where Tom and B'Elanna were dishing up pancakes in the kitchen. Janeway looked at him. "This doesn't feel like a tranquilizer." She said, as a strange sensation flooded through her body.

"No, but believe me, it will be the savior of you." The Doctor said, standing up again.

Janeway flexed her neck, the stiffness that she had suffered from for years was fading, and she looked puzzled. "What is that?" She demanded.

The Doctor smiled. "I am not at liberty to tell you, but I will tell you that you will need daily injections for the next two weeks." He said, tucking the hypospray back in his jacket.

Tom and B'Elanna sat at the table and started to eat their pancakes.

************

Stardate 90127.6

Chakotay was standing in one corner, his face was grey and his eyes were bloodshot. He had been almost unable to speak to anyone during the funeral, and Janeway hadn't known what to say to him. She had tried several times to tell him how sorry she was that 7 had died, but the words wouldn't come, and they had simply hugged each other, both understanding the inability to voice their feelings.

There were several former Voyager crewmembers at the funeral, and Janeway found herself the center of attention for all of them. It was true, that since she had left Star Fleet 20 years previously, she had become a recluse, and had lost touch with all her old friends, but then none of them had made much of an effort to stay in touch with her. Apart from Tom and B'Elanna, who had remained in touch and they had eventually become close friends. The Doctor moved over to stand beside her. "Do you need more medication?" He asked quietly.

Janeway shook her head. "No, I don't know what it is you gave me, but thank you. I wouldn't have been able to get through the day without it." She whispered.

She was truly grateful that the Doctor had administered something that had dulled her emotions. She hadn't broken down once, and that had been the one thing that she had been the most scared of. Revealing her feelings for 7 in front of a group of people had been a recurring nightmare for her for as long as she could remember. "It is good stuff isn't it? Well I will be by every day to give you more." He whispered, and Kathryn suddenly became suspicious.

"What is this?" She hissed, but he moved away from her, before she could get an answer.

Chakotay walked over to stand beside her. "Kathryn, I have a favor to ask." He said, his voice broke as he spoke, and he looked down.

"Anything Chakotay, you only have to ask." She said, instantly regretting her words.

"Would you stay with me? Just for a while. After everyone else has gone?" He asked.

Janeway realized that he was almost pleading with her, and despite her own intuition telling her that this was a mistake, she agreed.

Three hours later they were sitting in the living room of the home that Chakotay had shared with 7. There were pictures of them together on every surface. Kathryn looked at the group photograph of their wedding. The whole crew of Voyager had reunited for that event. She remembered back to the day that 7 had told her that Chakotay had asked her to marry him, and she fought back the tears that always flowed when she remembered that day.

************

Stardate 54986.1

They had been in the Alpha Quadrant for nearly 2 weeks, going through debriefings, receiving new orders, and getting used to being back on Earth again. Kathryn sat in her office reading through some papers that she had received from HQ that morning. There was a knock at the door. "Come." She said and the door swooshed open.

7 walked into the room, her blue eyes sparkling and a flirtatious smile playing across her lips. "Captain." She said in greeting.

"7, how wonderful to see you." Kathryn said, standing up and indicating the large sofa at the side of the room.

They sat down and Kathryn realized that she had really missed her astrometrics officer. She had missed sparring with her and discussing tactics with her. Most of all she had missed spending time with her, and of course she had missed looking at her perfect body. She sighed and tried to focus on what 7 was saying to her. "As you are probably aware Captain, Chakotay has been courting me for a while now." 7 began.

Kathryn suppressed a grin. "Yes 7, I was aware of that." She said, fighting the jealousy that always arose inside her when she thought of her first officer and her astrometrics officer together.

"Well he believes that now we are in the Alpha Quadrant, that we should make our union permanent." 7 continued.

She looked at her Captain, waiting for a response. Janeway was confused. "You mean he wants to marry you?" She asked.

"Yes, do you think this is a good idea?"

"Well 7 only you can say whether you want to marry him or not."

"But can you think of any reason why I shouldn't?" 7 asked.

Kathryn could think of several hundred, but she didn't voice them. "7 if you are asking me to advise you on this, well I am sorry but I can't."

"Captain, I am asking you if you can give me a reason to say no." 7 said quietly her gaze intense, and Janeway wondered what it was that 7 was trying to say.

Her heart beat wildly in her chest. For as long as she had known the former Borg, Janeway had entertained thoughts of a romantic involvement between them. But whilst they had been aboard Voyager it had been impossible. Now that they were on Earth, and there was nothing to prevent them from pursuing a relationship, but something had stopped Kathryn. She looked at 7 for several moments. "7 I.."

"Yes Captain?" 7 prompted, her face expressing the desire that she felt.

Janeway looked away, she didn't understand what was going on and she needed breathing room. "7 I need to think about this." She said finally.

7 stood up. "I see, well you know where to find me when you are ready." She said simply, and walked out of the room.

"What is wrong with you?" Kathryn asked herself as the door to her office swooshed shut again.

She stood up and returned to her desk.

Minutes later the Doctor entered. "So?" He said, his expression was expectant.

"So?" Kathryn asked.

"Did you tell her?" He asked excitedly.

Janeway had no idea what he was talking about. "What? Who? Did I tell who what?" She asked, sitting back in her chair and frowning.

"7. Did you tell 7? That you love her!" The Doctor said impatiently.

"I love her?" Janeway said in surprise.

"Yes, did you tell her?" He said again, beginning to lose patience.

"No Doctor I did not tell her I love her." Janeway said, sitting forward again and blushing furiously.

How did the Doctor know? She wondered. "Oh for goodness sake. Now I understand why you didn't say anything on Voyager, but there is nothing stopping you now." He said, pacing around the room.

"Doctor, I would be grateful if you didn't go around telling me what to do and assuming things about me that you really have no idea about." Janeway said, her tone was 10 shades below friendly and the Doctor turned to face her nervously.

Her temper was well known. "Oh come on, I have seen the two of you together, I have never seen so much sexual tension between two people. I have seen the way you look at her too, and the way she looks at you for that matter. You two are made for each other. You didn't tell her did you." He ended lamely as Janeway's glare bored into him.

"Doctor please leave." She said and went back to her padd.

Three hours later Janeway went to the Officer's Club for a cup of coffee before retiring to her apartment. She walked into the middle of a party, with streamers and balloons strewn around the room. "What is going on?" She asked Tom Paris, who was standing just inside the door.

"Chakotay has just announced that he and 7 are to be married." Tom shouted above the noise.

Janeway's heart stopped. Her world stopped spinning and she looked around her in bewilderment. 7 had given her time to think, and she had thought, and she had decided to tell 7 that it was a bad idea to marry Chakotay because she didn't believe that 7 really loved him. Chakotay saw her and rushed over to greet her. His grin was huge, and he was deliriously happy. "Captain, I am so glad that you could make it." He called.

7 was standing behind him looking at her, the two women just stared at each other for what seemed like minutes. For someone who had just announced their engagement, Kathryn thought that 7 didn't look very happy. "Captain." She said simply.

Janeway hugged her briefly. "7 congratulations, you make a wonderful couple." She called, forcing herself to smile.

7 didn't reply, nor did she smile. She simply stared, and Janeway wondered if she imagined the look of disappointment and regret that was written all over 7's face. Janeway couldn't bear to see the woman that she loved look at her that way, and she turned away. The Doctor was standing behind her and she walked right into him. "It isn't too late." He hissed.

She pushed past him and left the party. "Captain." The Doctor called, rushing after her.

************

Stardate 90127.8

"I don't know if I can live without her." He said, crying into a tissue.

Kathryn felt mildly irritated. Chakotay hadn't stopped crying since everyone else had left them alone. "I know it will be tough, but you will survive." She said, trying to sound sympathetic.

It was so unfair, here she was expected to give support to the one man that she could truly say that she hated, when all she wanted to do was bury herself in her own emotions. She hadn't been able to cry all day, and the pain of keeping her emotions to herself was overpowering. In addition the drug that the Doctor had given her was beginning to wear off, and she felt old again. "I loved her so much. I know she didn't love me the same way, but we were happy together." He cried, and Janeway looked skyward.

How was she supposed to respond to this? She wondered. "It is just so unfair." He sobbed.

Kathryn knew all about unfair. And she knew about regret. She sat looking down at Chakotay and wondered what it had been like to spend 36 years with the woman that you loved. She fought tears and failed. "I know Chakotay, I know life is unfair, but at least you had 36 years." She said, sniffing and desperately trying to find a tissue to blow her nose on.

Chakotay looked up at her. "You know the worst thing about it is the last thing I said to her was in anger. We argued. I shouted and I went out. When I came back she was dead." He said, his face was contorted with grief.

Janeway found her tissues and mopped her own tears, not really listening to what he was saying. "You know she was always talking about you, about how much she missed you, how much she wanted to talk to you." He said, staring up at her and Janeway turned to face him.

"She did?" She said, her heart racing.

She wondered if the Doctor had been right all along, and then the realization hit her that she had, by her own stupid stubbornness, condemned them both to a life of misery and regret. "Yes, she did. Sometimes I think she loved you more than she loved me. In a different way of course, but she was always worried about you. I know that you and she had something special, and sometimes that was more than I could compete with. I should never have forced her to marry me, but I loved her. I love her now, and I always will and I was selfish and wanted her to myself. Was that wrong of me?" He pleaded.

Janeway realized he was looking for someone to tell him that he was wrong, that 7 had loved him and that their life together had been wonderful. But she couldn't say the words. He was looking up at her, tears flowing down his face, his eyes were red and swollen and he was a mess. But Janeway couldn't feel anything for him, and she felt guilty for not caring. All she could think was that she had made a huge mistake.

It wasn't the first time she had made a huge mistake, and the last time she had been able to rectify that mistake she had broken all sorts of regulations, and gone back in time to tell herself that she had made a mistake. She had, on that occasion, put her younger-self straight, and made things right again. But she didn't have that luxury this time. She closed her eyes and fought more tears as she realized that she would spend the rest of her life wondering what things could have been like had she only been able to tell 7 the way she felt.

She stood up, and grimaced. The Doctor's medication had worn off and she was very stiff. "I am sorry I have to go." She said, and she hobbled out of the room.

She didn't wait for Chakotay to show her out of the house, but walked slowly across to where a shuttlecraft was parked. A Star Fleet ensign stood to attention as she approached. "Ensign, were you waiting for me?" She asked, unable to look up at him due to her stiffness.

"Yes ma'am. Mr. Paris asked me to see you safely home again." The young man said as he helped her into the shuttle.

"Remind me to thank him when I get back." She said weakly as she strapped herself into the seat.

************

Stardate 90137.1

Kathryn awoke and sat up. She stretched, releasing the tension from her muscles slowly, and then stepped out of the bed. She looked at the cane that rested against the head of her bed. She hadn't used it in days, and she knew that whatever the drug was that the Doctor was administering her was a miracle. She grabbed her robe and wrapped it around herself, then shoved her feet into her slippers and left the room.

It was chilly in the cabin, the fire from the previous night had died out completely, and she thought again about the luxury of synthetic heat. She had lived in the same log cabin for 20 years, and she loved it. The peace and quiet of the woods behind her house, and the small town in the distance, gave her the feeling that she was alone, without being totally isolated. She yawned as she scraped the ashes out of the fireplace, and threw several pieces of kindling on top of a pile of paper. She lit a match and set fire to the pile, and watched as the flames slowly took over. She wondered whether 7 would have enjoyed a fire as much as she did, and a wave of sorrow flooded over her.

It was nearly 2 weeks since 7's funeral, and although each day was easier to bear, the weight of the loss was still enough to reduce Kathryn to a heap on the floor. She stood up and went into the small kitchen. Once the kettle was boiling Kathryn turned to look at the holographic picture of 7 that she had pinned on the cupboard door. "Well my love, what shall we do today?" She asked as she had done every morning for the last 36 years.

The picture looked back at her without speaking, and Kathryn wondered what had happened to the speaking hologram that she had made several months after 7 had married Chakotay. She brewed her coffee, and then went through into a small box room at the back of the house. There was a large wooden chest underneath a pile of blankets, and Janeway cleared the items from the top of it quickly. She knew that her little hologram 7 of 9 was in there somewhere, and she grew excited as she remembered how much joy she had got out of it, until she had realized how much she was relying on it for emotional support. The small holographic projector was nestled in its box, and she took it out and dusted it.

Back in the living room Kathryn sat on her rocking chair in front of the fire, which was now burning brightly, and sending heat out into the room. She sipped her coffee, and then placed the mug on the hearth, before she touched the on button, hoping that the hologram was still working. The device buzzed slightly, and then a 9-inch high 7 of 9 appeared, flickered slightly and then settled. She stood with her hands behind her back, just the way that Kathryn remembered her. "Good morning Captain." She said.

Kathryn put her hand to her mouth and closed her eyes. She cried for 7. She cried for the lost years, and she cried for herself. The hologram looked at her while she cried, and Kathryn couldn't bear it any more. She switched the hologram off, and wiped at her eyes. A log settled in the fire, sending sparks up the chimney and making Kathryn return to the present. She reached for her coffee and drank it down. Then she sat back in her rocking chair and wondered when the pain would go away.

Several hours later, she was still sitting by the fire, the small holographic device was still on her lap, and she was still regretting. There was a knock at the door and Kathryn wiped her eyes, placed the device on the hearth and crossed the room to answer the door. The Doctor stood before her, grinning broadly. "Oh Admiral. I thought you were doing ok." He said, pushing her back into the room and looking concerned.

"I was. But then I found something, well I went looking for it." Kathryn said, going to sit back down again.

The Doctor immediately recognized the holographic device. "My word that must me almost an antique." He said, picking it up.

He switched it on and 7 of 9 appeared. "Good morning." The hologram said, and the Doctor looked at Kathryn in exasperation.

She looked away sheepishly. "I made it years ago. For company." She said lamely.

The Doctor turned the hologram off again and put the device down. "Well you might not have to rely on a hologram for much longer. This is your last injection. So you will need to pack a bag, and come with me. You are fit to travel now." He said, reaching into his pocket for his hypospray.

"Where are we going?" Janeway asked, tipping her head sideways to allow him to administer the drug.

"To collect your Christmas present." The Doctor said simply.

"I don't celebrate Christmas any more."

"This year you do."

"Where are we going?"

"It is best if you don't know until we get there." The Doctor said, slipping the syringe back into his pocket.

"Doctor, I have been meaning to ask, what is this drug that you have been giving me? And why do you always have the syringe in your pocket not you bag, and how come you always come here to give me the injection?" Janeway asked as the Doctor pushed her towards her bedroom.

"Pack your bag and stop asking questions." He said, going back to warm himself by the fire.

Half an hour later they left the house. Janeway had packed her most essential belongings in a case, slipping her little holographic device in at the last minute. They stepped into the shuttlecraft that was parked outside, and the Doctor took the controls. "So where are we going?" Kathryn asked.

"Like I said, you ask too many questions." The Doctor said, taking off and flying almost perpendicular to the ground as he steered them away from her home and out into space.

"I am not supposed to go into space Doctor." Kathryn said in alarm as they broke through the stratosphere.

"That is part of what the injections where, to make you fit enough to travel." The Doctor said, nimbly steering them past a monitoring station.

"Shuttlecraft identify yourself." A disembodied voice called.

"This is the Doctor, just on my way back to DS3." He called cheerfully.

"Do you have clearance? We don't have any record of your flight." The voice called back.

"Oh well, never mind eh?" The Doctor called, and ended the transmission.

Kathryn went to stand next to him, her brow furrowed in confusion. "Doctor what is going on?" She demanded.

The Doctor turned to face her. "Admiral, I must request that you take your seat and stop bothering me." He said.

She started at him for a few moments, and then went back to her seat. The Doctor turned back to his console and steered them out into space. Janeway was puzzled, she stared at the console in front of her, it had been years since she had been out into space, but she knew that something was wrong. "Where are we headed? This is not the way to DS3." She demanded.

The Doctor hummed a few bars from Cosi Fan Tute. "Doctor?" She demanded again.

The Doctor hummed louder, his smile was pleasant, and Kathryn knew that she wouldn't be able to get him to tell her what was going on so she settled back in her chair.

They continued to fly out into space. Headed, as far as Janeway could tell, in no particular direction. After about 3 hours the Doctor looked around at her. "If you need nutritional supplement, the replicator has been programmed with your favorite meals." He said cheerfully.

Kathryn was feeling hungry and she looked around to the replicator. "I think I will have some soup." She said, crossing the shuttlecraft.

"Kathy!" A familiar voice called, and Janeway stepped back in amazement as Q appeared before her.

"Q?" She said, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Oh my darling it is SO good to see you again." Q said, grabbing her and pulling her into an embrace,

She struggled in his arms before he released her again. "What the hell is going on here?" She demanded.

The Doctor turned to face Q. "I was beginning to think that you were going to stand us up!" He said, and Q grinned.

"Now would I do that? Would I risk the chance of seeing the love of my life, the wonderful Kathy again?" Q teased.

Kathryn rolled her eyes. "Darling you look tired. How have you been?" Q cooed.

"What is the meaning of this?" Kathryn demanded.

Q clicked his fingers and they were standing in the ready room of the Voyager. "Kathy, you can't tell me you aren't pleased to see me?" Q said, winking at her as she glowered at him.

"Q take me back." She said simply.

"Yes of course." Q said, clicking his fingers again and they were standing at 7's gravside.

"What are you doing to me?" Kathryn hissed.

Q clicked his fingers again, and they were standing on Ocampa. A crowd of Kazon saw them and stared running towards them. "When would you like to go back to?" Q asked.

Janeway turned to face him. "Anytime but now." She hissed and he clicked his fingers again.

An explosion behind them maked Janeway drop to the ground. She looked around her to see a small town in the midst of a battle. "Where are we?" She hissed.

Q smiled down at her. "Well my darling Kathy, I have taken you back, that is what you wanted isn't it?" He said, flicking one hand to emphasize his point.

Kathryn looked around her, desperate to work out where she was, and how to get out of danger. A Hirogen officer dressed in the uniform of a 20th century Nazi Officer made her realize that they were in danger. "Q get us out of here." She shouted above the noise of gunfire.

Q clicked his fingers again and they were standing in an office. Kathryn heaved a sigh of relief. "Now will you please explain what you are doing?" She asked Q, smoothing her ruffled hair.

The door chimed and Janeway looked at Q in panic. "Come." She called when the door chimed again.

7 walked into the room, her blue eyes sparkling and a flirtatious smile playing across her lips. Kathryn's heart stopped beating and she looked at Q who simply smiled back at her. "Captain." She said in greeting.

"7, how wonderful to see you." Kathryn said, indicating the large sofa at the side of the room.

They sat down and Kathryn realized that she had really missed her astrometrics officer. She had missed sparring with her and discussing tactics with her. Most of all she had missed spending time with her, and of course she had missed looking at her perfect body. She looked at Q who simply smiled, clicked his fingers and disappeared.

Kathryn sighed and tried to focus on what 7 was saying to her. "As you are probably aware Captain, Chakotay has been courting me for a while now." 7 began.

Janeway suddenly realized that Q had taken her back. Back to a time when she could do something to make a difference. The realization made tears well up in her eyes, and she swallowed a huge lump that had formed in her throat and she placed her hand in front of her mouth. "Captain? Are you ok?" 7 asked, she reached out and touched Kathryn's hand.

Kathryn smiled. "Yes 7, I am fine. I am perfectly fine. And no you should not marry Chakotay." She whispered, smiling through her tears.

7 raised her ocular implant questioningly. "How did you know that I wanted to ask you about that?" She asked.

"Never mind 7. But please, don't accept his proposal." Kathryn said, her heart was hammering in her chest.

7 looked confused. "No, I will not. I need to know Captain. Can we ever be more than friends?" She asked, and Kathryn smiled.

She reached out and touched 7's face with one finger. She ran her fingertip down 7's cheek and across her chin, then to her lips. "Oh yes 7 we can be a lot more than friends." She said, her tears flowed unchecked down her face and 7 reached out to wipe them away.

"Why are you crying?" She whispered.

Janeway smiled. "I am happy. Happy to be given this chance. Happy that you came back to me." She whispered.

"Captain, I believe I would like to kiss you." 7 said simply.

Kathryn laughed. "Call me Kathryn, or Katie. And please, kiss me." She said, and their lips met.

Three hours later they walked into the Officer's club, hand in hand. Chakotay was standing near the door, his face lit up as he saw 7 walk in, but then he saw that she was hand in hand with Captain Janeway, and his face fell again. They walked up to him. "I am sorry Chakotay. But I have to say no to your offer." 7 said simply and they walked away again.

"You could have been a little more subtle." Kathryn said, as they crossed the room to the bar.

"Subtle?" 7 asked as they sat at a table in a booth.

"Never mind." Kathryn said, as she saw the Doctor approaching them.

He passed Kathryn a case, which she vaguely recognized. "So you plucked up the courage this time?" He whispered and kissed her quickly on the cheek.

Kathryn was startled by his familiarity. "Merry Christmas Kathryn." The Doctor said teasingly.

"It isn't Christmas." 7 said, confused by his words.

The Doctor winkled at Kathryn and then left them alone.

"What did he mean?" 7 asked as Kathryn opened the case.

She saw her belongings from 36 years in the future and she looked at the Doctor who had turned to look over his shoulder as he walked away. She put her hand over her mouth and closed her eyes, shutting the case as she did so. "Katie? What is wrong? Are you ok?" 7 asked.

"Yes I am fine." She replied allowing 7 to open the case and look inside.

7 reached in and removed the holographic device. "What is this?" She asked, resting it on the table and switching it on.

She sat back as a replica of herself appeared on the pad. "Good evening Captain." Her image said, and she looked at Kathryn in surprise.

"It is a long story." Kathryn said, placing one hand on 7's hand, and gazing at her.

"Would now be a good time to say I love you?" 7 asked, before leaning forward to place a kiss on the Captain's lips.

"Aww how sweet." A voice said and they both sat back to look.

Q had joined them in the booth. "Q!" Janeway exclaimed.

"The very same!" He said, his impish grin was directed at both of them.

"Just one question Q." Janeway said as 7 looked at her quizzically.

"Anything my dear." Q said emphatically.

"Why?" She asked simply,

"Because you deserve it." Q said, clicked his fingers and vanished.