AND SHE WEPT

Seven held a cushion to her chest and inhaled deeply.

The faint scent left by another who had been there so briefly affected her in ways that she had never imagined.

And she wept for what she could never have.

She was in love.

She was desperately, hopelessly, painfully in love.

She had spent several hours in the sickbay as the doctor had tried to ascertain the source of her pain, or at least identify its nature, and only then, after extensive questioning, he had come to the conclusion that she was in love.

Seven closed her eyes.

She didn't bother to fight the tears.

She had expended too much energy fighting tears.

The worst of it all was that now she knew that there could be no resolution to her pain.

It had started so long ago that Seven hadn't even realized that she was falling in love.

She had slowly become enamored. She had actively sought time alone with one person, feeling jealous possession when another interrupted their exchanges, and going out of her way to ensure encounters. In the mess hall, the Astrometrics Lab, on the bridge, anywhere they could interact. She had grown increasingly fond of, and then had come to love, the immense persona inside the tiny red-shouldered uniform.

A hint of familiar soap in the corridor was sufficient to set her heart racing. The familiar sound of a voice over the comm was sufficient to flood her body with heat. She had become tongue-tied when in conversation, and learned what it was like to blush so strongly that she broke out in a sweat.

She knew that the worst thing was to be taken unawares, and yet it was the best thing in the world, resulting in soaring spirits, a feeling of elation and a happiness that was unequaled by any other event. Even a brief interaction could improve her mood for the rest of the day.

She loved and wanted to be loved in return.

Seven had learned what it meant to be distracted by fantasies of lying wrapped in the arms of another.

Possessed and possessing.

Wanting and needing.

She had dreamed of the time when she would hear the words 'I love you' spoken aloud to her, knowing that it was a love built on friendship, admiration and understanding, and one that would survive the pressures of everything that was thrown at it.

She had learned what it was like to feel as though someone had poured warm honey into her center, and what it felt like to really need someone, need them with a hunger that could never be satisfied by anything, or anyone, else.

Seven had learned that there were things that she wanted to do that she hadn't known about before, and she longed to know what it was like to lie, naked, beside the one she loved.

Touching.

Feeling.

Sensing the needs of another.

Breathing the same air.

Sweat mingling.

Skin on skin.

She had learned what it mean to know that someone could expose her soul with a simple touch, and she had learned to understand that her soul would be safe in their hands.

She had learned to trust.

She had learned what it meant to be human.

Seven knew that she was in love, and that she was loved in return. The object of her affection, the most wonderful human being in all of creation, loved her back.

But not in the way that Seven wanted.

Or needed.

The pain of knowing that her unconditional love would never be returned was like a pinpoint of fire in her chest.

It burned with an intense heat, and it was spreading.

Slowly destroying hope and happiness as it went, and Seven wept for what would never be.

She had plucked up the courage to express her love. To release it from her body, and to watch to see if it would flourish and grow. It had spread its wings, and it had fluttered briefly in the gentle breeze created by the returned love of another. But then it had faltered. Fluttering vainly as it was swept aside.

Swept aside by protocol.

By regulations.

By stubbornness.

By apology.

Seven knew that she could never recover from the desperation of knowing that she was loved, but that her love would always remain constrained by convention. Convention predetermined by beings so far removed from her situation that she couldn't determine their relevance to her circumstances.

The words "Seven, I can never love you that way." Were branded on her soul, and she knew that the void that had developed within her when she had been left, would remain forever.

She pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapped her arms around her body and buried her face in the cushion, and wept.

Her silent tears soaked into the soft material.

Tears that could not, and would not, heal the gaping wounds on her heart.

Tears that could not, and would not, take away the pain and suffering.

Tears that could not, and would not, repair her shredded soul.

Kathryn had been with Seven throughout her journey from Borg to Human. She had supported and encouraged, and she had taught Seven things that she had never expected to learn. Her strength had been a great comfort to Seven, and she had known that she could always rely on Kathryn to be there for her.

Except when it mattered the most.

Kathryn walked away from Seven's quarters. Her heart was breaking, and she knew that she was making the biggest mistake of her life, but regulations governed her life. She couldn't allow herself to love Seven the way she wanted to, and it was better that Seven thought that her love would not be returned.

Kathryn didn't know for whom it was better, but she knew that it was better.

She walked away wondering how long it would take for her heart to heal, and her soul to recover from being ripped from its mate.

She walked away knowing that she was irretrievably changed, and that she could never go back.

She set her chin high in the air as she walked, knowing that she had done the right thing. That Seven would learn to love another. And then her spirit crumbled and she knew that for the rest of her life she would carry the burden of knowing she had just destroyed the most beautiful thing that had ever happened to her.

Kathryn's universe collapsed and there was nothing that she could do about it.

And she wept for what she could never have.