Trying to break away


Chakotay stopped dead cold in the doorway to Janeways quarters. It was dark everywhere exept for the little light the stars provided and the half light coming from the Captains bedroom. And the reason he stood there, still as a rock returned when he heard Kathryn's throughty voice flot through the quiet quarters.

"My sweet Annika..." Janeway murmured, leaning down and kissing Seven's face.

With those words it struck Chakotay just how inappropriate it would bee for him to be seen there by her. She lay over Seven, caressing her cheek and stroking her hair, whispering words of adoration to the half-Borg asleep in her bed. Referring to her as "Annika". And Chakotay felt sick of heartache... to her Seven was "Annika" and that hurt so badly he could almost faint by the pain-arrows life threw at him. He knew that they were together, Kathryn had made sure he was the first to now. Still seing them now made it all so real, it came as a shock exactly how much he had denied it.

He was brought out of his thoughts by Janeway, who was beckoning to him.

"Feel her cheek, Chakotay," she urged. "It's so soft..." Chakotay drew in a sharp breath, got by some miracle his legs to work and perched on the edge of the bed. Kathryn's fingers were already caressing the skin around Seven's eyepiece; Chakotay hesitatingly brushed his fingers over her cheek and couldn't help the pain that showed on his face. The Borg's skin was soft. And as much as he hated to admit it, Kathryn and Seven did make a good couple. Cearfully he looked back at Kathryn, worried that she had seen the sorrow his face had shown seconds ago. But she was to busy staring adoringly if not worshipingly at Sevens face.

"It's like she still has the skin of a child." Janeway said in wonder, sounding almost tearful. "That little six-year-old . . . she has come a long way since the Borg, Chakotay."

"Yes." He agreed giving her a sad smile. "She has." So has you, he added mentally looking at her happy exprestion. An exprestion he would like to think would be the one he'd bring to her face if they ever where to become lovers. Her eyes held so much love. And he thought he would cry. For he knew that that love wasn't for him.

Janeway leaned back in and began kissing Seven's face again.

"Kathryn..." Chakotay started, his mind going back to being reasonable instead of sad. "Aren't you afraid you're going to wake her up?"

"No...she's a very deep sleeper, aren't you, my love..." Janeway murmured, cradling Seven's head. And leand in to give her one last deep kiss on her lips. And only then did she look at Chakotay. Her eyes soft and nice. It was that same look that he had misstaken for love, a love that he now so clearly could see whenever she looked at the sleeping girl on the bed.

"What can I help you with?" She asked in a hussed tone. He smiled yet another sad smile.

"Just came to give you the beta shifts schedule." His voice held just a little sadness in it. But Kathryn had already gone back to looking at her beautiful lover. He sighed quietly, and thought that it'll be just a little bit longer untill he was over her. And then he might just be abel to see them together without wanting to tear his heart out.