Part Eight
*

Caela adjusted to life on Voyager. She volunteered in botany, to try her hand at growing things. She'd always been good with plants, and this would be a good opportunity to be in their company. She would learn the medicinal properties, and add them to her healing repertoire.

She had discovered a few things about herself; She couldn't work the replicators no matter how many times she tried- somehow it always came out wrong. Seven attributed it to Caela’s own energy field, after having done some research on the matter. She couldn’t eat cooked food without getting sick. And Caela discovered she enjoyed sitting on the floor of Cargo Bay 2, and watching Seven as she regenerated. She wanted to always be there when she came out of regeneration.

After Naomi had forgiven her, Caela spoke with B’Elanna. B’Elanna’s voice wasn’t fully in use yet; she let Caela know through her PADD that all was forgiven but not forgotten. There was, from B’Elanna, the unmistakable signature of respect, and wariness. Caela knew B’Elanna would keep an eye on her. But she didn’t despise Caela, and Caela was very grateful for that.

As had become her usual practice, Caela went about her way on the ship as quietly as she could. She kept to herself, and she and Seven spent every free moment together, Seven sleeping in Caela’s quarters on many nights. Though the Voyager crew was becoming accustomed to her, Caela could feel the general distrust. People really didn’t want her there, for the most part. They accepted it, but very few accepted her. Caela was comfortable only around Seven, Chakotay, Naomi, and B’Elanna. Tom Paris couldn’t stand to be in the same room with her, though he wasn’t rude about it. Harry Kim avoided her all together, and Neelix was still terrified of her. She’d not yet had the chance to speak with Neelix. He always had a reason not to be available. Tuvok was impossible to read, Caela had no idea how he felt. He did always seem to watch her. She understood that.

So many eyes on her all the time.

They all knew she’d change again soon. They didn’t know if the Doctor’s sensor would do its job.

She noted on a personal calendar how long it had been. Three weeks, and that meant it would start again soon… in another week or so, but with her cycle so unpredictable, she was ready for anything. She hoped the sensor would work, and found herself checking to be sure it was active every few minutes. While at her post, she would frequently peek at her shoulder, just to see the reassuring blink of tiny light displays.

Her hands were wrist deep in the fluid supporting a small Numari Hemp plant when Chakotay appeared in the doorway. She’d been so focused on the roots, she hadn’t even felt him coming her way. She smiled as he leaned in the door frame. “Hello, Commander.”

“Hi there.” He watched her for a moment, as she wiped her hands off on the apron she wore. “I was on my way to Mess hall. I was wondering if you’d like to have lunch or a snack, or something?”

She was staring at the hemp plant. She tilted her head, and Chakotay repressed his grin. He just thought it was so damn cute when she did that. Her eyes slowly blinked at it. “It needs more... soil. It needs soil, it doesn’t like this hydroponic solution. I wouldn't like it either.”

“It doesn't like?” Chakotay entered, and looked at the plant. “You can tell what it needs?”

Caela nodded as if it should be obvious. She pursed her lips, and began to pull off her apron. “After we eat.” She hung the apron on a hook, and led the way out.

Chakotay followed, looking back at the plant. “Are you sure it wont mind?”
 
She gave him a puzzled look. “It’s a plant, Chakotay.”

He laughed, and walked out into the corridor with her. She was so wonderfully contrary sometimes… he felt that with just the right insight into her mind, and he’d understand her completely.

As usual, Caela kept her eyes down as they walked down toward the turbolift. She didn’t have any choice but to feel what came her way. The least she could do was not make eye contact. That always made the humans so nervous.

They had passed a young couple in the corridor. Chakotay and Caela stepped into the turbolift and faced forward.

“Young love.” Chakotay said, and the doors closed on the sight of the couple who now stood kissing in the corridor. He gave the command, “Deck 2.”

Caela thought for a moment before asking, “Young love? As opposed to old love? You see a difference?”

“It’s just a saying. Referring to the feelings of first love. There’s nothing like first love, when nothing else matters, and you believe it’s going to last forever.” He smiled down at Caela. “I imagine it’s similar among your people?”

She didn’t answer at first. It was hard for her to think about. But she enjoyed conversing with Chakotay, and didn’t want to discourage further discussion. “No… it wasn’t. There was no first love.”

“Really?” Chakotay was very intrigued, “As an anthropologist, I’d be very interested in hearing more.”

He’d used the term before, and Caela knew what it meant. So, she’d give him this. “We can talk over lunch.”

The turbolift slowed, and the doors opened. They stepped out into the corridor, and Chakotay noticed how her demeanor had changed somewhat. “Caela, if it’s something you’d rather not talk about… I understand.”

“No, it’s fine.” She followed Chakotay into the Mess hall.
 
They stepped up to the counter where Neelix turned and stood back when he saw Caela. He gave his attention to Chakotay, who glanced down to see how Caela was taking this obvious breech of etiquette on Neelix’s part.

Her eyes were a little sad, but she was used to this by now. She looked up at Chakotay. “Please order me a salad. A simple one.” She gave Neelix a faint smile and turned away to find a seat.

Chakotay only looked back at Neelix, and the shame was all over the Talaxian’s face. “Neelix. I think you heard her order.”

“Yes, Commander.” He stammered, and hurried to put together a salad. “And what will you have?”

“The special of the day.”

“Ah, yes.” Neelix said, “The dish of the day is an Earth dish- spaghetti, with marinara sauce and replicated meatballs. Mr. Paris requested it. It went over well the last time, and I had plenty of pasta left.”  Neelix now hurried to out Chakotay’s dish together. “Have a seat, Commander, I’ll bring your dishes out to you.”

Chakotay joined Caela at the window table she’d chosen. The nearest table cleared off fast, and they had privacy.

“What do you want to know?” Caela sat back in her chair. Her eyes were on the stars going by.

“I was curious about your comment. No first love?” Chakotay asked, “How can that be?”

“As you know, my people kept the sexes separate after childhood and until adulthood, and then we were paired for mating. I don’t know how the males felt about it, but I know how the majority of the females felt. The friendships that had formed during the years between childhood and adulthood were very deep. When the females were separated from each other, it was with the knowledge that they were to be paired and would no longer enjoy the company or the bodies of their friends. We knew from the beginning of those friendships that they wouldn’t last forever. The bonds would be broken.” Caela’s eyes met Chakotay’s. “Once the pairing with a male was consummated, there was no desire for any other. The scientists of the tribe explained it as biochemical. They said it had been a necessary evolution from the days when the tribes lived on Earth to ensure the purity of the species. A life-bond.”

“Something that was activated with the first sexual experience with the opposite sex?”

“That was the theory.” Caela kept her eyes on Chakotay’s. She blinked. “I can’t say if it has any credence or not, as I was never paired. I am grateful for that.”

Chakotay nodded, beginning to feel the intensity of her eyes on him. “Caela, what are you doing?”

She blinked again, smiled. “I thought-“ She paused. “I thought I felt something in you. You’re different,

Chakotay. I can read you, but only what you allow. It’s not a wall as with Kathryn, or a blinding light, as with Tuvok. Just controlled. Are you hiding something from me?”

In spite of his efforts, Chakotay nervously laughed. “Of course not.”

“I’ll let it go for now…” Caela smiled, “But I’ll find out what you’re hiding.”

Neelix approached the table. He set Chakotay’s plate in front of him. He turned to Caela, set her salad in front of her. “I hope you’ll accept my apologies for how rude I’ve been. I hope we can be friends?”

Caela nodded, and smiled. “Yes. Thank you, Neelix.”

He smiled back and returned to his kitchen.

She turned her attention to her salad, and picked out a few less than fresh sprouts. She popped a leaf into her mouth.

Chakotay very slowly, very carefully relaxed. She had almost caught him... He gave attention to his food, and glanced up to see that she was staring out of the window again. “Why be grateful for not being paired?” He stabbed a replicated meatball with his fork.

“Because, when the Hirogen came, when the mates were lost, those who survived the first wave were inconsolable. The grief in the air was…” She couldn’t find a word to describe the intensity. “The grief was heavy.” She closed her eyes for a moment, as she felt the memory surface. She swallowed, looked down at her salad again. “I had to leave the camps just to remain myself. It was overwhelming. No mate meant I did not have to grieve a mate. Had I been mated and survived, I never would be able to love again.”

Her large green eyes had wandered to his hands as he twisted the pasta onto his fork.

“I understand the gratitude, then.” Chakotay motioned, “Aren’t you going to eat?”
 
“I don’t think I’m hungry anymore.”

He set his fork down. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories.”

“I told you it was fine.” Caela pushed her salad away, leaned back in her chair. She took a deep breath, shook her head. “It’s the past, it’s over.” She sat up straighter, trying to bring herself into the present.

“I can’t imagine what that must have been like for you.” Chakotay said, “You’re a strong woman, Caela.”

“No,” she said, “I’m not. After the first cycle, when so many had died, and I was desperate to escape the grief and pain, my people died without me. By the fifth cycle, they were all gone, and I would have given anything to feel any one of them. Their joy or their tears.”

Chakotay was silent. He could see the pain of the memory in her very expressive eyes.

She leaned forward on her hands, elbows resting on the table. “I still don’t know how it was that the Hirogen never found me. I hid, and even the Howl stayed away from the Hirogen. The others… they fought. I did not. I ran, I used my empathy, and I survived, only to be alone.”

Chakotay wanted to take her hand, hold her, something. “Caela, I know this will be of little comfort to you. But I believe that sometimes when someone survives an event such as you did it’s for a reason. Sometimes we don’t understand what the reason is. It’s hard to understand tragedy.” He paused, and added, “You’re not alone anymore.”

She blinked, and her long black lashes were wet. “Thank you, Chakotay.” She said quietly, “I don’t have any faith in what I was taught about divinity, and I can’t believe I was spared for some unknown reason.
But perhaps it was a divine hand that brought me to Voyager.” A faint smile came to her lips, as she said the words, “Now I have Seven as my lover, and you as my friend. I am blessed in that.”

Chakotay smiled, but inside, his thoughts were on her words. She called me friend. Seven her lover. He spoke sincerely, “I’ll always be here for you, Caela.” He went back to his pasta.

Perhaps Kathryn had been right. He decided he was dreaming if he thought anything would ever happen between them. He was dreaming, and should let it go.

Caela had picked out a few more leaves and was eating again, watching the stars go by.

But as Chakotay watched her, his heart couldn’t turn away. He was hooked. And there wasn’t a thing he could do about it.

*

When they’d finished their lunch together, Chakotay escorted Caela back to the turbolift. He took it to the bridge, and she stayed on and directed it back up to deck 13.

She stood alone in the turbolift, humming a tune she’d heard Tom Paris singing awhile back. It had been something like,

Goddess on the mountain top
Burning like a silver flame
The summit of beauty and love
And Venus was her name…

She thought that if Tom ever decided to speak to her, she’d ask him to teach her the rest of the words.

The turbolift suddenly slowed. Caela knew she hadn’t yet reached her destination, so-

The doors opened, and Kathryn stood waiting to board the turbolift.

Kathryn paused for just a moment when she saw Caela, but stepped inside and politely greeted her. “Good afternoon, Caela.”

Caela had to clear her throat, as her voice had stuck in it. “Hello, Kathryn.”

Kathryn faced forward. “Astrometrics.”

The doors closed and the turbolift began to ascend. Caela kept her eyes down in the awkward silence that followed Kathryn’s destination request.

Kathryn self-consciously cleared her own throat now, and turned her head to look at Caela. The young woman just stood stock still, eyes on the ground and hands together in front of her. “Computer, halt turbolift.”

Caela’s head snapped up and her eyes were on Kathryn.

Kathryn turned to face Caela, “You honestly can’t read me?”

Caela tentatively shook her head, “No.” Even now she tried to get at Kathryn’s feelings and came away with nothing. She felt herself step back under the scrutiny of Janeway’s steel gaze.

“You can’t feel this?” Kathryn’s demeanor remained the same. She raised her brow in question.

“Feel what?” Caela took another step away. “What?”

Kathryn nodded, as if she’d just answered her own question. “Mmh.” Her hands went behind her back,
and she calmly asked, “You haven’t known how I’ve felt since we met?”

“Not empathically.” Caela answered, her voice feeling quiet and unsure, and the turbolift beginning to feel
much smaller than it really was. “I could only go by your physical indications… you learn that as an
empath. I saw physical signs.”

“Such as?” Kathryn inquired.

Caela took a small breath, wondering why she was so nervous. She felt she might as well answer. “When I first saw you and Seven, on my world. I saw that you were fond of her. You seemed close to her, and she was very close to you.  I could see you were good friends.”

“That’s all?”

Caela thought. “On my world, and on Voyager, you were very nice to me. Very friendly and accommodating. I thought you liked me. Until you learned what I really am. Then I thought…” Caela looked away from her. “Then I didn’t know.”

Kathryn had dismissed her last words, “You could see I was fond of Seven?”

“Anyone could see that.” Caela said, and though Kathryn hadn’t moved an inch toward her, Caela found herself backed up against the wall of the turbolift.  She felt her heart racing, and didn’t understand why. Her words came faster now, “Once you’d seen the Howl I thought you’d want to keep me away from Seven, to protect her. Then, when you put me in the brig- Your actions gave me the impression-“ Caela stopped mid-sentence, close her mouth, pursed her lips.

“What, Caela?” Kathryn insisted. She saw the tiny flicker of fear in Caela’s eyes, and felt suddenly very much like the Fire Ogre in the Flotter stories. Here she was, Captain of the ship, and practically interrogating this wisp of a girl, woman, wolf, or whatever Caela was. She relaxed her posture, reached a hand out and touched Caela’s shoulder.

Caela flinched when Kathryn’s fingers touched her. She licked her lips, which had become dry in her anxiety.

“Caela.” Kathryn had brought her voice down, tried to sound as non-threatening as she could. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to  come across so severely.”

Caela nodded, her head down but her eyes up, and she stated her thoughts. “My life is in your hands, Kathryn. It’s only your word that gives me a home. I am intimidated by you. I admire you, but I can’t read you. Therefore I cannot understand you. Your actions are often too complex for my interpretation.” She felt a cold sweat break out on her forehead.

“I appreciate your honesty.” Kathryn said, stepping away.

The sound of Caela’s sensor pierced the air, and Caela looked at it. “No, not yet!” She was trembling.
“It’s too soon.” Her eyes closed, as if she could talk to the animal inside her. “It’s too soon, I don’t want to change yet…”

Kathryn stood back further now, “Computer, resume turbolift.” She watched as Caela sank to the floor, and put her head into her hands. Kathryn could hear her sobbing.

“Not yet, please…” She looked up at Kathryn through her tears, “Will you tell Seven I changed? Please ask her to come to me when it’s over?”

“Yes.” Kathryn answered, her heart going out to Caela now that she sat there helpless against the force inside her, “Of course I will.” She watched as the transporter beam came over Caela, and then she was gone.

She couldn’t help but feel a sense of pity for Caela. And now, knowing that Caela hadn’t known of her feelings for Seven… well, that did help. She felt a sense of relief. She really did like Caela. Now she could try to think of her as someone in need of her ship’s hospitality, instead of as someone who came onto her ship and outright stole the woman she loved. She faced forward again, and waited for her stop.
 
*
 
Caela was beamed into the holosimulation of her world. She went through her changes alone, and now they had ended, She lay nude at the side of her pond, her finger making little swirls in the water. She knew she was being observed. She didn’t mind the idea that there might be a female security officer watching. She hoped it wasn’t a male, but then realized it didn’t really matter, as she had no choice, and might as well get used to it.

She’d been awake for a while… she didn’t know how long. Seven hadn’t arrived yet, and Caela had decided to wait here in her world.

In the time she had been waiting, and in the time between changes, Caela couldn’t get her mind off of the conversation with Kathryn in the turbolift. It played over and over in her mind, and she knew now. She knew. She couldn’t deny what she’d seen in Kathryn’s eyes, and she placed all the events together.

Kathryn was in love with Seven.

Caela turned over onto her back, her arm beneath her head. She looked up at the sky, and thoughts of how Kathryn must feel floated around in her head. Caela knew how she must feel. Since Caela was in love with Seven also.

She didn’t like the idea of hurting Kathryn. If she’d known… perhaps if she’d been able to read Kathryn, Caela wouldn’t have followed her instinct with Seven that first night in her quarters. It had felt so right… and she wouldn’t turn from Seven now. Not now.

Caela wondered if Chakotay knew. If he knew, why hadn’t he told her? Why hadn’t someone told her?

And now as Caela lay in the sunlight, she closed her eyes and thought about what she’d told Chakotay about the life-bonding of her people, and his words to her.

“Something that was activated with the first sexual experience with the opposite sex?”

“That was the theory.”

She took a deep breath, felt the warmth in her heart when she thought of Seven. She knew the scientists’ theory had been wrong.

It wasn’t the first pairing with the opposite sex that caused her people to bond. It was the first pairing of adulthood.

Caela had been frightened when she first realized this. She didn’t know how Seven would react if she knew that Caela would never love anyone but her. But when she saw those big beautiful blue eyes in her mind, Caela smiled to herself. Seven would understand. Seven would be happy about it. Caela would have loved Seven regardless of the life-bond. She was grateful it was someone like Seven who she’d bonded with, it had been her own choice to become involved with her. Seven was her first love, and this love would last forever. So she took comfort now, in the thought.

She would never love anyone but Seven.

How could I, Caela thought, even if I had a choice?

Caela brushed her fingers through her hair. She would have to tell Seven. She wasn’t sure when she would do this, but it would have to be soon.
 
*

Seven entered the holodeck, and Caela looked up from lacing her shirt.

“Seven.” Caela met her halfway across the clearing, and they embraced.

Seven kissed Caela on the forehead, “I apologize for being late. I was not on the ship.”

“Really?” Caela took her hand and they headed out into the corridor. “Where were you?”
 
“I was on an away mission. To study a spatial anomaly.”  Seven said, “I have been on a shuttle for 48 hours, with Ensign Kim and Lt. Tuvok.”

“Is that a good thing?”

”Yes.” Seven said, looking down at Caela. “And no. I could not stop thinking about you.”

Caela’s heart fluttered, and she laughed. “I hope it wasn’t distracting.”

“It might have been, had I not known I would return to you.”
 
The moment they’d stepped inside Caela’s quarters, Seven had pulled Caela close and kissed her deeply. Seven let her fingers grasp into her long black hair, pulling Caela’s head back slightly.

Caela met the kiss and responded in kind, her hands finding the clasp at the back of Seven’s collar. She began pulling Seven’s suit off, and Seven allowed her to.

Seven was soon standing nude, removing Caela’s clothing slowly, caressing and kissing her lover’s body as she went. As soon as Caela was nude, Seven surprised her by lifting her into her arms.

Caela planted kisses along Seven’s shoulder, and pulled the clip from her hair. She gazed into Seven’s
eyes, and as Seven set her on the bed, Caela’s hands pulled her hair lose.

Blond locks fell to Seven’s shoulders, and she lay next to Caela. Her hands roamed Caela’s body, her eyes taking in the sight of her. Her mouth went to Caela’s breasts, her hands gathering her breasts together, and she moved to kiss Caela.

Caela pulled her closer. She found her body to be more responsive than usual, and closed her eyes when Seven’s mouth began to explore her throat, then her shoulders, and again to her breasts. Seven’s hand moved under Caela’s back, and rolled her over onto her stomach, her kisses exploring Caela’s back, her hands roaming over Caela’s firm buttocks. One arm slipped around Caela’s waist.

Seven moved behind Caela, pulled her body toward her, so that Caela was on her knees, her arms stretched forward. Seven bent her body over Caela’s, her arm supporting Caela, and her free hand reaching forward to her breasts. Seven paid deft attention to the sounds in Caela’s throat. She let the small moans of pleasure guide her hands and mouth, and her implant-free hand reaching down to find Caela’s clitoris, and her finger rubbing in the little circles that she knew Caela enjoyed. She pressed her breasts against Caela’s back.

Seven’s lips continued engaging Caela’s skin as her fingers slid easily inside her very aroused lover. She bit her own lip in the moment that her fingers felt the soft pillowy flesh inside; so respondent, it tightened and hugged Seven’s fingers. She kissed the back of Caela’s neck, and Caela turned her head so that their lips could meet.

Seven moved her fingers subtly in and out, and she pulled Caela up against her, moving Caela to her knees, and holding her close as she moved her fingers deeper inside. Her tongue played Caela’s ear, her free hand alternating from caressing her and pulling lightly on her long black hair to draw Caela’s head back and elongate her slender neck.

Caela’s breath was growing heavier, and Seven’s own arousal rose with every movement inside Caela.

She was sitting back on her heels soon, and Caela was straddling Seven’s thighs, lost in the pleasure building. Seven’s fingers thrust more fully than before, and Seven enjoying the visual display of Caela’s desire as her legs spread further to invite Seven’s fingers deeper inside. Seven rubbed her palm against Caela’s clitoris when her hand would meet it; she watched over Caela’s shoulder and peered down to see her hand moving with Caela’s rocking hips.

Caela’s arms went back, holding Seven’s head behind her as she pressed back against her body. She stretched her neck as Seven kissed her there, bit at her throat.

Seven felt as Caela tensed suddenly, her breath coming faster, her rocking more rhythmic, her fingers digging into Seven’s hair. Her sounds grew louder, one pleasureful whimper after another, throwing her head back, one hand going to Seven’s, moving with her. Seven’s eyes closed as she felt the first more intense grip on her fingers, as Caela’s voice escaped in pleasure, her mouth open in ecstasy.

Caela’s juices began to flow down Seven’s hand, down her wrist, as Caela dropped her head forward, unable to support herself when the climax hit it’s peak, and the near scream of pure pleasure from her throat came with it. Seven supported her lover, holding her up as she moved with her, the sounds of Caela’s pleasure loud in her ears, the throbbing and contracting bringing Seven’s own arousal to a peak, and she held Caela as she came hard against her fingers.

Seven felt herself in more need as Caela’s voice quieted and she slowly fell forward onto the bed, lying spent and trying to catch her breath. Seven raised a brow in pride, seeing how well she had learned this craft. She laid down partially on top of Caela, kissed her shoulder, laid a small love bite there.

Caela turned over, blissfully exhausted. She looked at Seven. She smiled, feeling Seven’s arousal.

Seven lay on top of her, spread her legs and allowed Caela’s leg to move between hers. No words were necessary; Caela knew what she was feeling. If she waited she would lose this arousal.

Caela nodded, raising her leg against Seven’s moist folds, embracing her as Seven relaxed against her and began to move her hips against Caela’s thigh. Caela raised her leg higher, her hands on Seven’s back, and her kisses on Seven’s lips.

In moments Seven was moving faster against Caela’s thigh. Caela watched Seven’s face; her pleasure was plain on her face, and Caela grasped Seven’s shoulders, pushing her up and off enough so that she could slide down on the bed.

She moved down until her face was beneath Seven’s hips, and she held Seven’s thighs as she drew her closer and inserted her tongue into Seven’s warm depths. She was already so wet and swollen, Caela’s tongue only moved inside her a few times before Seven came against her mouth, her own moans of pleasure music to Caela’s ears.

Seven collapsed next to Caela, laying on her side, eyes closed. She reached out and found Caela, and pulled her close. Their bodies meshed together. They rested.

Her back against Seven’s breasts, Caela nuzzled back further. “Seven?”

“Yes, Caela?”

She wanted to tell her now. She wanted to look into those eyes, touch those lips, caress those breasts and let Seven know how she loved her. Something kept her from speaking the words.

“I’ll tell you later.” Caela said, unsure of what held her back. “It feels good to lie here.”

Seven’s legs intertwined with Caela’s. “We have all night.” She whispered,  “We have the next twenty four hours to ourselves, as I have requested time off, for myself as well as for you. I've accumulated many hours for rest and relaxation.”

"You say that as if we'll be resting." Caela laughed.

Seven smiled. Caela was correct. There would be little rest, and abundant lovemaking. She playfully bit the back of Caela's neck, thus instigating another session of sexual pleasure.

*

End Part Eight