Part: Three of Five

When Lilak awoke, Aonghas was at her side.

“Good morn, my sweet.” He said to her.

She said his name, but was groggy.

“The anesthetic.” The Doctor said, “It will take a minute more to wear off.”

Aonghas smiled at him, “Thank you for everything.”

“Our pleasure.” Kathryn said, and was next to the biobed. The force field had been taken down. She smiled at Lilak. “I understand you came through just fine.”

“I feel well.” Lilak answered. She was suddenly more aware. “Our child?”

The Doctor was happy to report the baby was doing well.

Lilak thought of another concern. “The shuttle. It’s gone?”

Aonghas nodded. “Afraid so.”

“Unfortunately, it couldn’t be saved.” Kathryn said. “The core breached just after we beamed you on board. We’ll need to think about getting you some transportation. And there is something else we need to discuss.”

Lilak was sitting up with the help of Aonghas. “My father. He’s found us, hasn’t he?”

“Not quite. But soon, I’m sure his scanners will find Voyager, and he will hail us.”

“Captain, Lilak should be able to move about freely in the next few hours- but she should rest. Her chest wound was serious, and though her leg is healed, I want to be sure her cardio system is functioning correctly before she leaves.”

Kathryn nodded. “You’re the Doctor.” She looked at Aonghas. “I’d like for the both of you to join me at dinner tonight. In the mess hall, and I’ll send someone for you. We can discuss things in more detail at that time.”

“We will be there.” Aonghas said, “Will Caela be there as well?”

“I’m not sure.” Kathryn answered. “Would you like her to be there?”

Lilak asked, “That’s the Howl female? She is bonded, correct?”

Kathryn knew the answer. Aonghas answered for her. “Yes.”

“Then, please ask her along.” Lilak said. “I am a jealous one, but as long as I know she won’t attempt anything with Aonghas… I’d like to meet her.”

Kathryn laughed inside. Lilak had more chance of being hit on by Caela than Aonghas did. She nodded. “I’ll invite her. And I’ll see you to later. In the meantime, I’m sending our guest liaison, Neelix to see to your comforts. Let him know if you need anything.”

“Thank you.” Lilak said, obviously feeling stronger by the minute. “We cannot thank you enough.”

Kathryn smiled, “We’re happy we could help.” She wanted to speak with the Doctor briefly. She motioned for him to come along as she went to the door. “Doctor, I wanted to thank you for explaining Caela’s tests to me, as much as you could. I’m sorry I had to run off, but I was late for an appointment.”

The Doctor smiled knowingly, “It’s all right, and you are quite welcome.”

“I understand Aonghas changed yesterday?”

“Yes, he used Caela’s holodeck. I think he was pleased with it.”

 

“And there are no signs of another change impending?”

“No. I’ve fitted him with a sensor like Caela’s, just in case. The computer is reading him accurately. It sensed his change just as he did.”

“Wonderful. That’s all. Thank you.”

The daily reports weren’t garnering as much of her attention as Kathryn knew they should. Seven had regenerated in her alcove last night, and had not yet contacted Kathryn today.

Kathryn sighed. She sometimes forgot how sensitive Seven could be. She was so strong in so many ways- and Kathryn had hurt her last night, albeit unintentional.

A new thought was forming in her mind. She knew it would upset Seven, probably, and so she wouldn’t ask her opinion.

As soon as she could, Kathryn would ask Aonghas and Lilak if they could take Caela with them. Caela would be happier with one of her own kind, and she had been in such a depression lately… it would probably be for the best.

She took a deep breath and cleared her mind. She’d have to think of this later. Right now, there were daily pressing matters to attend to.

Dinner at the Captain’s table turned into one of Voyager’s dinner parties. Crew meandered in and out of the mess hall, not afraid of Aonghas since they knew the ships own lycanthrope was safely monitored these days.

Kathryn wondered when Seven might show up. For that matter, she wondered when Caela would. That they were both absent stood out in her mind as Lilak described the attack that had left her wounded. Kathryn tried to listen, and kept her eyes off the door.

If Seven came in, she’d see her enter.

Kathryn could also hear Tom and B’Elanna talking nearby. Something about how this ship would use any excuse for a party.

Neelix brought more food from the kitchen. He set a large plate of fruit and lettuces directly in front of Aonghas.

Aonghas was polite about it, but honest, “Do you have any flesh? On the bone would be best, and just singed by flame.”

Lilak nodded, “Oh, that sounds good.”

Neelix was taken off guard. “Aonghas, I thought your people were herbivores.”

He smiled, and his white teeth gleamed in his laughter. “Oh no. Just the healers.”

Lilak laughed also. As if the very idea was just so silly. But she smiled at Neelix. “Aonghas only recently learned to enjoy the taste of flesh singed.”

Neelix picked the plate up again, wishing they’d stop using the word flesh. “I’ll see what I can do.” He stepped away, and wondered what he could do since there was not an ounce of actual meat on board right now. He would have to replicate something. But what…

He was about to go back to the kitchen when Caela stepped into the dining room, absent of her usual companion, Chakotay.

“Caela, there you are!” Neelix said, and went right to her. He took her arm. “I have a plate here with your name on it. Would you like to sit at the Captain’s table?”

Janeway felt particularly uncomfortable now as Neelix escorted Caela to her table. She watched the beautiful young woman sit and quietly begin to eat.

“Caela.” Lilak said, “I’m so glad you could come.”

“The Captain left a message for me. Thank you, Kathryn.”

Kathryn nodded. “So, Caela. I imagine you and Aonghas have much to talk about. And Lilak” She was beginning to think she’d better go find Seven. “Why don’t you all get acquainted?”

“All right.” Caela said. She faced Lilak. “Were you there when my people were killed?”

Lilak was quiet. She looked down at the table, then up again. “I regret to say I was there. For some.”

“Caela.” Aonghas was offended, “I ask that you not speak to my bond mate about this.”

“Who else shall I ask, Aonghas?” Caela said, “She’s the only Hirogen here.”

“Caela, that’s enough.” Kathryn stepped in.

Lilak held her hand up. “Captain, I understand why Caela has questions. And I’ll answer what I can.”

Kathryn gave Caela a signature look of cold steel. It said ‘tread lightly, these are guests’.

Caela ignored it. “I don’t want to hate you, Lilak, for what your people did to mine. But you understand why I feel the way I do. And as for you Aonghas- I would like to hear how you managed to bond with a Hirogen after the holocaust we- just you and I- survived.”

Aonghas folded his hands together. “I was hiding, wounded, in a pile of corpses. Lilak and the other females came to skin and clean the bodies. I waited until the others had left, and took Lilak as my hostage to escape.”

“My father is an important man, and the others wouldn’t risk my life to kill him.” Lilak took Aonghas’ hands. “We left on a shuttle. Somehow I ended up falling in love with him. We both understand the hunt. We learned to understand being hunted when my people came after us, and I wouldn’t leave with them.”

There was a voice from behind Caela. “On Earth, that is known as Stockholm Syndrome. When the hostage develops feelings for the one who holds them.” Seven moved around to stand behind Kathryn. “It’s a coping mechanism for the psyche. To survive feelings of helplessness and fear.”

Aonghas’ face had paled even more than the norm. His veins were darker again, and he stared up at Seven.

Kathryn stood, her hands out. “Enough. Aonghas, Lilak, I apologize for Seven and Caela.”

Lilak shook her head, “It really is understandable, Captain, please don’t be angry at them.” She squeezed Aonghas’ hand. “They don’t understand.”

Caela stood now. “Aonghas, I never thought I’d meet another of us. I wish this could have been different.”

Aonghas sighed. “As do I.”

Caela closed her eyes, fighting tears. Tears? Why the tears? She didn’t know what her emotions were doing. She turned and left without another word.

She walked down the corridor, and heard his footsteps.

“Caela. Wait.”

She stopped for him. “What is it?”

“I don’t know how much time Lilak and I have left on this ship, and I don’t want it to be this way between you and I.” He stepped aside, so that they were not in the center of the corridor. “There’s so much we could talk about. Let’s talk.”

“About?”

Aonghas kept his voice in low tones. “I’d like to go somewhere private and discuss your spiritual needs.”

Caela raised an eyebrow at that. “I don’t think that will be necessary.”

“You are judging Lilak and myself too harshly. And I know that as a healer you wouldn’t be doing that if you yourself were spiritually well.” He whispered, “Who is your mate? Let me talk to him.”

She sighed this time, and tried to be civil. “No, Aonghas, it can’t be. I appreciate your concern, but it can’t happen.”

“Why?” He asked, “Is it the man with the markings? Chakotay is his name?”

“No.” Caela had calmed herself a little. “Lilak will be missing you.”

“Then come back with me. Sit with us.”

Thinking that Aonghas was not going to take no as an answer, Caela again wondered if she could let go of her prejudice against Lilak. She was hungry… and it might be nice to be around friends… if the people in there were her friends. Of that, she wasn’t quite sure. In any case, she should make more of an effort; this was after all, the only other living Howl that she knew of. “I’ll come back, for a while.”

Walking back in to the mess hall, Seven was approaching the door.

“Caela. I was coming to see you.”

Caela avoided Seven’s eyes. “I’m all right, Seven.”

Aonghas stopped and stared.

Seven smiled down at Caela. Caela took it in for barely a moment. She knew her veins pulsed in a way that only another Howl could see.

“No.” Aonghas said. His face was in shock again, but altogether different than the shock of when he first saw Caela.

Oh, no. Caela turned to him, knowing what was happening. He’d seen a brief moment of change in her when Seven smiled. She’d let her guard down. Stupid, stupid, girl. “Aonghas, don’t.”

“It’s her?” He asked loudly, as everyone in the room turned. He stared at Seven, then back at Caela. “A female?”

Chakotay strolled in and heard it as again, Aonghas said it.

“It’s her.” He looked down at Caela. “You bonded with a female. You know that is expressly forbidden!”

Caela was stunned silent. She heard her heart in her ears. She thought maybe the room grew smaller as she looked up at Seven, to whom this was just becoming clear.

Aonghas’ voice rose to the occasion, “You life-bonded with a female. You deserve to die of your grief!”

Lilak was at Aonghas’ side, trying to calm and stop him.

Kathryn watched Seven. Seven stared in disbelief at Caela, whose hand had gone over her mouth. Tears streamed down her cheeks and she understood one thing; Lilak wasn’t the danger she was feeling earlier. It was Aonghas.

Chakotay was at Caela’s side, his arms around her; she let him hold her, but at this moment, she didn’t feel she wanted it.

Chakotay was calm. “Aonghas. I think you should leave. Guest or not.”

Lilak nodded, “Yes, to our quarters.” She tried to steer him away.

Aonghas was so angry his voice shook, “Caela, you’ve broken the highest tenet of our race. You’ve bonded with someone you cannot breed with. Your suffering is deserved.”

Caela was away from Chakotay now and backing toward the door. She saw Seven’s face, Kathryn’s, and Chakotay and she stopped.

No. No, I’m not running. She stood up to Aonghas. “How dare you come into my home- this ship- and tell me what’s right and wrong. You and I are the last, and therefore I will create my own tenets and my own rules.”

“You are no healer.” He said.

“You are no clergy. What I have done is forbidden? By whom, Aonghas? By you? By the clergy, who, if still alive, would never sanction your bond with Lilak? I see you have no care for the idea that what you’ve done would be forbidden.” She looked at Lilak. “I am sorry. I have no right to judge you. It was a mistake, and I apologize” Her emerald eyes were full of fire and she looked again on Aonghas. “My Howl may be dying, but she is not dead yet. And if you wish to hand out punishment to me for falling in love with Seven of Nine and bonding to her, then come to my forest, and I’ll skin you so that the Hirogen, when they find you, won’t have to.”

Caela turned and walked out, leaving the room silent and uncomfortable. No one had ever known Caela to speak in a violent manner before now.

Seven had no memory of being this stunned before. She saw the look on Kathryn’s face. Had Kathryn known somehow? Her hand went out and took Aonghas by the shirt. She lifted him, and his body stiffened in surprise.

“Tell me what you meant. You said she life-bonded with me.” She was the angry one now; angry at how he’d spoken to Caela and confused by the words he’d said. Caela had told her of the bond her people developed, but not of this.

Kathryn intervened immediately, “Seven. Put him down.”

Seven dropped him, and he landed on his feet. Lilak was at his side again. Seven turned and faced Kathryn, but could think of nothing to say. She turned and left. She would go to Caela. Be the friend she was supposed to be.

Kathryn was at Lilak’s side. “I think this would be a good time for us to look into transportation for you two.”

Caela found herself feeling stronger than she had in weeks. Speaking her mind, being who she was, and standing up for herself had been a freeing experience. Repression was not healthy. Naomi would say, “it sucks”.

Now in her holodeck, she rested against a large tree trunk, wondering if Aonghas would indeed come to her to hand out punishment, or what other aftermath of her outburst there might be.

She’d been holding back all her feelings for Seven for so long, and with Aonghas’ outburst, a wall of sorts had come crashing down. Her head was swimming, and she had no idea what to do now.

What would Kathryn do? She didn’t want to think about that.

She’d known the Howl was dying for some time. Aonghas told her only what she already knew… she hadn’t been able to face it, not really. Because the only answer was to be with the one whom she’d bonded with. And that person’s heart belonged to someone else.

She sighed, and turned to wrap her arms around the tree. If it were real, she’d feel it’s energy give to her. She’d have to ask about planting some real trees in here.

“Caela.”

Caela’s heart jumped. Seven’s voice, from behind, had sent a tiny friction up Caela’s spine. She turned her head to speak back over her shoulder.

“You don’t have to talk to me.”

Seven stepped to her, “I do, for my own sake.” She took Caela by the shoulders and turned her. “When you left me, you said it was because you had to mate.”

Caela couldn’t face Seven- the contradiction of feelings she was experiencing was too much; shame, guilt, love, lust, sadness. “Seven, please.”

“Why did you lie to me?” Seven said it kindly, trying to be gentle, but she needed an answer. “Caela, why did you part us? We were happy together.”

“No.” She answered, and drew up her courage to look into those incredible blue eyes. “No, I wasn’t. I’m not.”

“What do you mean by that?” Seven asked, and held Caela’s shoulders. “Your smiles- were they lies? Your touches? Are you lying to me now?”

Caela’s chest tightened. Her blood heated quickly, and the passion she felt was overwhelming. Seven’s touch alone had brought her nearly back to herself. She had to get out of this… not reveal the truth to Seven, not threaten her happiness with Kathryn anymore.

Something inside her was snapping. She felt it break like a branch, or a bone. Splinters.

The holodeck security system bleeped a warning. “Howl imminent. Evacuate holodeck immediately.”

Seven backed away as the beautiful emerald eyes changed in shape. Clothes tore, and Caela was becoming Howl. Seven quickly moved out, and the door secured itself.

The computer instigated appropriate security protocols, and Seven turned, her back to the holodeck door.

She felt her eyes getting moist. No matter what had happened between her and Caela, she always had trusted her. That trust was broken. And yet she wanted to reach out to her now, even as the long and mournful howling escaped through the door.

She closed her eyes. Seven would wait until she came out of cycle, and she would be there until she received the answers she sought.

Kathryn paused in the corridor, and watched Seven standing near the holodeck entrance. She approached Seven slowly.

“Seven?” Kathryn asked. “How is Caela?”

“Still Howl.” Seven turned to Kathryn. “She could change back soon.”

Kathryn nodded. “Good… We’re all worried about her. I want to speak with her.”

“Are you worried about her?” Seven asked. She was genuinely interested in the answer.

“Yes, Seven. And I’m worried about you.” Kathryn said, and took her love’s hand, “I am so, so, sorry for the things I said. About that play.”

Seven managed a small smile. She changed the subject, not wanting to discuss it at the moment. Her mind was already occupied with Caela. “Are the Hirogen still closing in?”

Kathryn turned and leaned against the door to the holodeck now. “Yes, and I can’t send Aonghas and Lilak out there until we have a safe distance. The Hirogen don’t seem interested in a conflict with us anymore than we are with them. But, Lilak’s father is high ranking. It’s just a matter of time before they approach.”

Seven understood. “I wish to speak with Aonghas about what he said in the mess hall.”

“I spoke with him.” Kathryn said, “And he told me about a few things. You know, we can watch Caela from my ready room, on the monitor. Will you come with me, and we’ll keep eyes on her together?”

Seven was reluctant to step away. “I should stay.”

 

“I need to show you something.”

Seven could see that Kathryn was serious, and it must be important. “To your ready room, then.”

Kathryn turned on the monitor, and instead of showing Caela in the holodeck now, she played older surveillance.

Seven sat in front of the monitor. She saw Chakotay and Caela in the holodeck, and Caela was talking.

‘Chakotay, I’ve done something. And I’m afraid I’ll never survive if I stay.’

‘What? Caela, what could you possibly have done?’

‘I’ve left Seven.’ She faced Chakotay. ‘I need a friend right now, Chakotay.’ She said the words through tears. ‘Will you keep my confidence?’

‘Yes. You can tell me anything.’

Caela told him. Everything. Her life-bond. Her new awareness of Seven’s feelings for Kathryn. Her decision to tell her a lie because she knew Seven wouldn’t allow her to leave because of Kathryn... Seven’s heart was too big to allow Caela to sacrifice her own feelings for Seven’s.

‘Caela, you’re right about Kathryn. She is very much in love with Seven. She has been almost since the day they met.’

Caela nodded. ‘I thought as much. If I could have read her…’ Caela was crying again. She sobbed, ‘I love her so much, Chakotay. I love Seven so much. And I’ll never love another.’

Chakotay wrapped his arms around Caela, let her head fall against his chest and held her tight as she mourned for her lost mate.

She spoke through the tears, ‘It would have been hurting Seven to stay with her. It would be hurting Kathryn.’

Kathryn’s hand adjusted the settings, and the monitor was back on the holodeck now. The Howl lay on her side by the fire pit.

Seven was quiet as she looked at Kathryn. A moment of thought passed before she asked, “You knew of this?”

Kathryn was contrite. “I’m sorry, Seven. I didn’t think it was my place to tell you. It’s how I discovered that you had feelings to match my own for you.” Kathryn touched Seven’s hair, smoothed a bit that had come loose. “Please, forgive me, it was never my intent to keep anything from you. I saw that conversation by mistake.”

“Kathryn, you know I love you.”

“You would still be with Caela had she not broken it off with you.”

“I admit I most likely would… she and I were happy, and I would have eventually let go of the thought of you and I, Kathryn.” Seven looked back at the Howl on the monitor again. “But that is not what happened.”

“There’s something you need to know.” Kathryn sat next to Seven. “You heard Aonghas say Caela deserved to die of her grief. You saw that she told Chakotay she might not survive if she stayed here.” She watched the sleeping Howl on the screen. “He told me, whether she stays here or not, she will die unless she is reunited with her bond-mate. It happens slowly, but it will happen. She will fall into a deep depression. From this she will either kill herself from the grief, or her systems will begin to shut down until her body gives up along with her mind. He told me all this, because he wants her to die. To him, it’s what she deserves.”

Seven’s mind was immediately made up. “Aonghas and Lilak must leave the ship.” Seven said, “I realize we are dealing with a cultural belief, but Caela is one of Voyager’s family now- she must be protected. Aonghas is a danger to her now.”

“I agree. And we cannot forget that she threatened him. He took it very seriously, and wants to meet her threat. There are traditions where Howl defend their honor through battle as the animal. I for one am not interested in learning about Howl culture this way. He could hurt her. She’s not strong right now. She may be angry enough to want to defend herself, but I have doubts as to whether she could.” Kathryn said, not mentioning her earlier thoughts about asking Aonghas to take Caela with him. “But we can’t let them go just yet. Soon, I hope.”

“And until then? If Aonghas needs the holodeck-”

“I’ve ordered Tuvok to keep a guard over Aonghas and Lilak’s quarters. If Aonghas changes, he’ll be beamed to the brig.” Kathryn’s brow furrowed, and she rubbed her forehead. “I need coffee. And I need to think.”

“The brig?” Seven was glad to hear it wasn’t Caela getting the brig this time.

Kathryn shrugged. “The holodeck might as well be considered Caela’s own.”

“I must talk with Caela about what’s happened.”

Kathryn wasn’t sure what that might accomplish. “What will you tell her?”

Seven saw the uncertainty in her Captain’s eyes. “You truly mean to ask what it is I am thinking. In regard to you and I.”

Kathryn’s hand brushed Seven’s cheek. “What are you thinking?”

Seven didn’t want to say yet. She was feeling a certain degree of betrayal, and emotionally raw.

Kathryn couldn’t take Seven’s silence. “Talking might be good for Caela. And I’ll talk to the Doctor. He’s been studying Caela’s system since she arrived. Perhaps he can find a way to cure her of her… grief.” Kathryn was mentally tired. She stood, stretched a bit. “Would you like to have some coffee with me?” She often asked, though Seven hadn’t yet accepted.

“No, thank you.” Seven said, “I feel as if everything has changed.”

“You never want coffee.” Kathryn made the weak joke, trying to lighten the air.

“I awoke yesterday morning feeling all was well. And since then I have learned that the woman who broke my heart is still in love with me- that it was a lie, as well as discovering that you are still insecure about us where Caela is concerned.” Seven shook her head a little in a gesture more like Kathryn than herself. “I feel my trust has been broken by both you and Caela, and I don’t know, Kathryn, how to trust you again. Not yet.”

Kathryn was at the replicator. “Seven, I think you are taking the comments I made about Red Riding Hood too seriously.”

“I am referring to what you knew about Caela. The reason she and I parted. You saw how much pain I was in, and if you’d told me, I wouldn’t have experienced the degree of rejection and hurt that I did.”

Kathryn ignored the coffee that had just materialized and walked back to Seven. “I couldn’t tell you- remember, it wasn’t even intended for my eyes and ears.”

“And, if you’d told me, you and I wouldn’t have become lovers. It could seem you didn’t tell me for selfish reasons.” Seven said. “I’m confused. I want to be grateful for your deceit, but I cannot seem to. I am… very sad that I feel this way.”

“Please, Seven, don’t let this stop what we have now.”

“I need time… to think.” Seven said. She moved to her feet, looked at Kathryn. “I need time.”

Kathryn nodded, and Seven left. Kathryn sat on her couch, and collapsed into it. She thought it might behoove her to cry.

She couldn’t. She was the Captain.

End Part Three