Part: Four of Five

Lilak was feeling tired, and lay down to rest. The child in her took a lot of her energy, and she thought about eating more.

She wondered about her people, and if they’d accept her child among them… she very much wanted to go back to them one day. She worried sometimes about her child. How would it be? To be part Hirogen and part Howl? Would there be changes? This child, if a male, would be a fine hunter, perhaps the best. Perhaps that would create acceptance among her people. If the child were female, she would be shunned, possibly killed.

Her hand went to her belly… had she not been taken by Aonghas, she would never have become pregnant at this young age. And for whatever bond he might have to her, she felt she loved him equally as deep.

She thought of the Howl female, Caela. She’d been so hurt when Aonghas revealed her bond-mate. Lilak wanted to help somehow, but Aonghas had forbidden her from speaking with Caela.

She missed her people sometimes. She often wished that she and Aonghas could return to her people together. But they’d kill him. That was a given.

She turned on her side and felt the child in her move. They needed to find a home, settle in a place so they could stop running. This ship’s crew had taken in Caela, and it seemed they treated her like family. She wished there was a way that could happen for them… but even if her people left her alone, after what Aonghas had done at dinner, there was little chance of them being invited to stay.

Aonghas slept lightly on the floor. He didn’t tend to like mattresses of any kind. She watched him for a moment, and sighed to herself. She wished…

She did a lot of wishing. She decided she would stop.

The security locks opened, and Seven stepped inside the holodeck. Caela lay sleeping next to the fire pit, her clothes on the ground torn in the places they had been modified to tear clean and be laced back together- in case of unexpected changes. Seven gathered the clothes, and kneeled next to Caela.

Setting her hand on Caela’s head, the young woman jumped in her sleep, and was awake, crouching and ready to defend herself.

She relaxed. “Seven, I didn’t hear you come in.” She realized how much better she felt, physically. The change must have been good for her. The Howl wasn’t ready to give up yet.

“Your clothes.” Seven held them out, and wondered at her own mind for noticing how good Caela looked standing there nude.

“Thank you.” Caela began lacing her pants on, using the laces tucked into the pockets of her clothes. “You deserve some answers.”

“I did get some answers while you were Howl.” Seven said, and described the surveillance she’d seen.

Caela listened while she began to lace her shirt back on. She watched the ground, somewhat embarrassed that Seven had seen the footage, and now she knew that Kathryn, too, had seen all those months ago. “I’m sorry, Seven, that I lied to you.” She saw her boots lying nearby and chose to stay barefoot.

“It was admirable, to a degree. But I wish you hadn’t.”

Caela didn’t expect that answer. “There’s nothing more to be done. I accept my fate.”

“I do not.” Seven said, “And neither does Kathryn.”

Caela troubled with the lacing for a moment more and was done. She began to comb through her tangled hair with her fingers.

Seven thought for a moment. “There is a question that’s not been answered. Have you lied to me about anything else?”

Caela nodded. “When you and Kathryn were in the woods, and Kathryn was attacked by the Fire Beetles- you picked her up and carried her to the pond. I told you later that I couldn’t have done that. That’s untrue. I said it because you were so jealous at that moment, because you had been unable to help her. Truthfully, I’m as strong as you, if not stronger.”

Seven arched her brow. “Is that all?”

“I promise.”

Seven was unsure of whether to believe her, or anyone at this moment. “I don’t know that I can trust your word now.”

“I understand. I would feel the same.” She tied her hair back with a length of lacing torn from her shirt.

Seven looked into the green of Caela’s eyes. “My dilemma now is what to do with the feelings I have.”

Caela’s throat locked. She wanted so much to react to those words. Seven still had feelings for her. She would never lose her own feelings toward the woman who was now staring down at her.

Hope. It would be hypocritical to feel it now. She gave up Seven for a reason. Still… this was Seven’s choice. Now that she knew what Caela had done and why, Seven had the choice Caela hadn’t given her.

“Have you anything else to say?”

Caela swallowed her hope. “Only this. You have to follow your head as well as your heart. Don’t let my grief sway you. If I’m not the one who can make you truly happy, stay with Kathryn.”

Seven’s fingers went to Caela’s chin, and she tilted the smaller woman’s head up toward her. “If you hadn’t left me…. I wonder what would have become of us.”

That touch sent Caela’s heart pounding, she could hear own blood rushing, and felt the rush of heat to her sexual regions. She closed her eyes, felt Seven’s body heat wafting toward her.

She felt, for the first time in ages, another’s emotions. Seven was confused, and did still have feelings for Caela. They were mixed in with her feelings for Kathryn, but they were there.

Caela opened her eyes, catching her breath. “You’re not usually one to wonder, Seven.”

“What is happening?” She observed Caela’s skin, her veins beneath growing darker for a moment, the circles around her eyes fading just enough to notice. Her hands then moved to Caela’s. “It’s my touch, isn’t it?”

Caela looked down, and resisted the urge to press her body against Seven’s. “You should go.”

Seven was remembering their time together; the first kiss, the first sexual experience, and the moment that Caela had first entered Seven’s life by running out of the forest and to Kathryn’s rescue.

The doors to the holodeck opened, and Chakotay walked in to find the two women stepping apart. He saw Seven’s hands release Caela’s. Seven looked back at him.

“Commander.” She nodded and walked past him, leaving without a goodbye.

Caela watched Seven go, and let out a small sigh as Chakotay went to her.

“What was that about?” Chakotay asked.

Caela smiled, and for the first time in months, it was a real smile. She spun around, arms outstretched, and stopped, facing Chakotay.

“She still has feelings for me.”

 

“Caela, be careful. What Seven and Kathryn have is so strong… I’m afraid you’ll get very hurt if you let your hopes rise.”

Caela nodded, “Yes, but I’m already dying. I lose nothing by having this feeling in me now. Should it get dashed, I’ll only be where I was a few minutes ago.”

“You are not dying.” Chakotay was angry to hear her speak of it so nonchalantly. “The Captain is having the Doctor work on your situation.”

He was so frustrated. It was his no one’s fault but his own. He let himself fall in love with a woman who had a life bond to someone else. “Caela, I only have your interests at heart.”

 

“I know, Chakotay.” Her empathy hadn’t turned back on; his frustration and his sadness were apparent in his face. She laid her hand over his heart. “I’m so sorry, my friend. You’ve been good to me.”

He quickly gained control over his emotions. “I knew going in.”

“And you know now? Really, know. That nothing can ever happen between us.”

He looked down at her hand. “You’ll always be in my heart.” Without looking back up, he turned and walked away.

She watched the doors close behind him. He did know, going into this friendship with her. She had warned him. He’d had hopes, even though she had told him there weren’t any. It wasn’t her fault.

However, she would take complete responsibility for her hopes of Seven.

Aonghas had been told to stay in his quarters, and was under guard. He understood that the Captain had to protect Caela, but he wanted nothing more than to answer her challenge.

Lilak had been escorted out to see the Doctor, at the Doctor’s request.

Aonghas waited, tried to think of a way into Caela’s holodeck. He’d have to know something about this technology, and he did not.

Lilak however, was good with these things.

He paced the length of the room, waiting for his wife to return.

Lilak lay back on the table while the Doctor examined her.

“I have some concern about the child.” The Doctor said, “She is already exhibiting Howl DNA.”

“She?” Lilak gasped, happily. “My child is a girl?”

“Yes, do you have a name picked out yet?” The Doctor smiled. “I’ve always been partial to the name Annika.”

“Annika? That’s pretty.” Lilak thought about it. “But I want a name that shows her heritage. Either Hirogen or Howl.”

The Doctor held a small uterine scanner over Lilak’s belly. “She’s definitely a Howl.” The Doctor was confused; Caela had told him the change only came after adolescence, yet the baby seemed to be in cycle right now.

“Aonghas will be so happy.”

“Is this your first pregnancy, Lilak?” The Doctor asked, though he knew the answer. The data in front of him, the scans made it obvious.

“No…” She answered, “I’ve had two failed pregnancies.” Her voice dropped with the sadness. “This child brings me the hope of a successful birth.”

“In your prior pregnancies, how far were you able to carry the child?”

“The first, only through two courses. The second, through three courses. “

“I understand Hirogen females gestate for ten courses?” The Doctor continued watching the baby on his monitor. The child looked like a puppy at the moment, as her little feet moved in the amniotic fluid. He smiled. “She’s so cute.” Lilak was craning her neck to see, and the Doctor turned the screen away so that she couldn’t see the Howl child. Not yet. “I don’t want you to strain your neck, Lilak.”

She smiled. “Caela will be her name.”

“That’s lovely, and Caela will be surprised to hear it. Lilak,” The Doctor helped her to sit up. “Your nausea, though not common for Hirogen, may be common among the Howl. I’ll have to ask Caela or Aonghas.”

“Aonghas says it’s not.” Lilak said.

The Doctor got serious. “Lilak. There’s something else I’m seeing, upon closer examination. You have scar tissue, in your birth canal, and it’s grown into your cervix. I’m concerned about how it might affect your current pregnancy, so I need to know how you were injured. I’m sorry to ask such a personal question.”

 

Her eyes avoided his suddenly. She didn’t answer.

“Lilak. I need to know, to insure that I’m giving you the proper care.” He took the glass of water he’d had waiting for her, and handed it to her.

She sipped a little, swallowed it and spoke quietly. “I was forced… some time ago. I was injured.”

“I’m very sorry to ask, but I need to know. Was there a weapon used?”

She shook her head. “Only his body.” She handed the water back.

“I would like to repair the damaged area, now, and then observe the fetus.” The Doctor said. “And I would like to see you counseled for what you went through.”

“I’m all right, Doctor.” Lilak said. “Aonghas didn’t know me then. He would never hurt me now.”

The Doctor knew he’d heard her correctly. But he was disgusted with the thought of Lilak’s own partner having been the rapist. Calming himself back to a Doctor’s demeanor, he asked, “Lilak, are you telling me that Aonghas raped you?”

She nodded. Her eyes were sad, but she tried to smile. “I forgave him.”

“Why?”

Lilak wasn’t sure of the answer to that. “It happened….” She blinked, as if trying to see more clearly. “He was sorry. He bonded to me.”

The Doctor would say no more about this right now. He set his hand on her shoulder. “I’d like to perform corrective surgery right now. It will give the baby a better chance of surviving.”

“Anything for my child.”

As Lilak slept after surgery, the Doctor contacted Janeway. He spoke with her quietly, via the view screen in sickbay.

Janeway was in her ready room, in private. “So not only do we have a new Howl on board, he’s judgmental and happens to be a rapist?” She shook her head. “How is Lilak now?”

“The surgery to remove the scar tissue was a success. But Captain, there is evidence of more then one traumatic event. Lilak only mentioned one rape, but I believe she has been raped more than once. The injuries attest to that. The most recent injury must have occurred only a short time ago- around three months after conception of the child she’s carrying now.” He looked back at the sleeping Hirogen female; so young she could be called a girl. “Lilak would have to press charges for us to do anything about this... officially. And though I am betraying her patient-doctor confidentiality, I felt you needed to know. Aonghas is a danger.”

“Thank you, Doctor.” Kathryn said, “And if for any reason, you feel the need to keep Lilak in sickbay, for say, the next few days… you have my authorization. Janeway out.”

Kathryn turned in her chair, and stared out her window. Aonghas would have to be dealt with. The anger in her that arose when she thought of Lilak being hurt like that- she almost wanted to give him over to the Hirogen right now.

She pressed her combadge. “Captain Janeway to Caela.”

There was a pause, and Caela answered. “Yes, Captain?”

“Meet me in your holodeck. Fifteen minutes.”

Caela had created a small holographic pond, and was lying nude in the warm waters when Kathryn entered her holodeck.

“You knew I was coming, didn’t you think you ought to dress?”

“Sorry, I forgot, my nudity bothers you.” She began to lift herself from the water.

“No, please. Stay.” Kathryn said, and made herself comfortable on a rock at the edge of the pond. “I need to ask you some things about your people.”

“Oh?” She moved toward Kathryn’s edge, rested her elbows on the little stony shore, and looked up at Kathryn.

“I’ll get right to the point.” Kathryn figured there was no easy way to broach this. “Was rape common among your people?”

Caela was aghast at the suggestion. “No! No, absolutely not. It was nearly unheard of. The only reason it was in the books of our tenets was because of one case from a thousand cycles ago.”

“Is a Howl male who’s bonded more likely to be aggressive?”

 

“Not at all.” Caela said, and asked, “Why these questions? What did Aonghas do?”

There was no way around that, Kathryn thought, Aonghas is the only Howl on board besides the one she was talking to.

“It’s nothing he’s done since on board.”

Caela understood. “Captain. If he raped Lilak- if he’s that sick- it would have to have been before bonding- yet the first sexual experience results in bonding. It’s in his biology. If he’s done it since, then he is more than a sick man. Once bonded, a Howl couple would die for one another. They protect each other and their offspring to the death. It’s in our programming, so to speak. Once bonded, a Howl would never cause harm of any kind to his mate. Never. Unless there’s something very wrong with his mind, and it’s nothing I have ever heard of happening between a mating pair.”

“One could say that about any species.” Kathryn said, “But I get your point.” Kathryn stood, “Thank you, Caela.”

“Captain-” Caela said, and pulled a towel from nearby to dab her face. “I understand that you were witness to a certain confession I made to Chakotay some time ago?”

Kathryn nodded, saw Caela blink in that way that meant her empathy was kicking in. “Trying to read me?”

“I never could.” She answered. “Thank you for keeping it to yourself… about why I left her. I know why you told her today, but thank you, for your silence until now.”

Again, Kathryn could only nod, never quite knowing what to say to Caela, and she left the holodeck.

Lilak awoke slowly. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust, but then the Doctor’s smiling face came into focus.

“Good to have you back. You and your baby are well.” He said, and took vital signs. “There’s someone here who’d like to see you.”

Kathryn stepped up to the bed. “Hello, Lilak.”

“Captain, you have a wonderful Doctor.”

The Doctor spoke up again, as he had to deliver some possible other causes for Lilak’s miscarriages. “It’s possible that the other fetuses were lost because Hirogen and Howl are not entirely compatible for reproduction.”

Lilak’s enthusiasm dropped. “But my baby is nine courses along.”

“I know. And I’m going to do everything I can to ensure that this child enters the universe well and safe.”

Quiet for a moment, Lilak breathed in to speak. “I can’t thank you enough, Captain, Doctor,” she said, “Fate brought us here. If we hadn’t been fortunate enough to find your ship- if I had gone on running without knowing about the scar tissue or this interspecies problem- I might have lost another baby. You saved us, and I am ever grateful.”

“I’ll need you to stay here in sickbay for awhile.” The Doctor said, “Right now, I’m going to leave you to Captain Janeway while I run some more tests.”

Kathryn said, “I’m so glad we came upon you… Lilak, can we talk? Woman to woman?”

Speaking to Lilak about what Aonghas had done to her was a challenge. She had to go into to it in a non-threatening way, but try to get a feel for where Lilak’s psyche was in this. The Doctor felt Lilak would be more responsive to a female. Kathryn thought that, other then the Doctor, Caela was the only person on this ship qualified for psychological counseling, thanks to her empathy.

Kathryn had learned enough about Aonghas to want to keep Lilak on board. It seemed he had a temper problem, and when angered enough would become violent with Lilak. She made excuses for him. At his worst, and when he had first taken her hostage, he had sexually hurt her out of anger.

Keeping her mind on the situation at hand, and not on the many ways she’d like to see Aonghas pay for his crimes, she sat down with her senior crew in private, to discuss the nearby Hirogen.

Seven wasn’t in the meeting. Kathryn had decided to give her the time she needed, and to let B’Ellana, Harry and Tom come up with the plan on how to handle contacting the Hirogen- if it came to that. Chances were, the Hirogen would contact Voyager first.

One thing was certain; there was no way that Kathryn would allow Lilak to go anywhere with Aonghas. She might go back to her people, she might ask to go somewhere else, but she wouldn’t be going with her ‘husband’.

If anyone knew what war and trauma could do to someone, it was Kathryn. She’d seen enough people marred by psychological battle scars to understand how someone like Aonghas could become a monster. At a fairly young age, he survived a holocaust, hiding in a pile of corpses. Kathryn understood that only the strongest of minds could come through that and remain healthy and intact. Aonghas was one of the unlucky victims whose mind wasn’t strong enough, and the rage that followed had taken him.

Psychological war wounds were no excuse, for what he had done. Perhaps they were a reason, to a degree… but no excuse.

The question now was what to do with him.

Aonghas opened the door to his quarters. The security officer, a dark skinned man who was somewhat taller than Aonghas, stepped directly in front of the doorway.

Aonghas peered down the empty corridor, and back up at the man. “Where is my wife?”

“I understand she is still with the Doctor.”

Tuvok approached through the corridor now, “Aonghas, is there a problem?”

“Yes, I haven’t seen my wife in hours. Bring her to me.”

Tuvok had been briefed on Lilak’s situation. “Your wife is in good hands. Our Doctor feels it is necessary to keep her under observation for some time.”

“Why? What’s wrong with her?” Aonghas asked, growing impatient. “I’ll go to see her now.”

“For your protection, you have been confined to your quarters. “Tuvok said, and stood directly in front of Aonghas, the security officer stepping aside for his senior.

“My protection?” Aonghas laughed, “From Caela, I suppose?” His laughter stopped, “Let me through.”

“The Captain wishes you to stay here.”

Aonghas put his face right up to Tuvok’s glaring at him and snarling, “Do you know what my kind can do to someone like you?”

“Yes.” Tuvok said in his usual manner. “We are well prepared. Your room is secure. The sensor you are wearing tells us where you are at all times, and the ship’s sensors are set to locate you should it fail. You will be transported into safety upon transformation.” Tuvok added, “And our weapons are set for Howl.”

“Is this how you treat a guest?” Aonghas stepped forward, and Tuvok’s officer caught his arm, “I will see my wife.”

“Ensign Nazeem, please escort Aonghas back inside his quarters.”

“Yes, sir.” Nazeem was large, but no match for Aonghas’ strength.

Tuvok took his phaser in hand and aimed. “Aonghas. I will fire on you.”

Aonghas turned suddenly, and leapt for Tuvok. The phaser fired, and had no effect on Aonghas as he ran down the corridor. Tuvok increased the strength, and again fired.

Aonghas tore the sensor from his shoulder, and slammed into an invisible wall. Force fields had been erected.

He picked himself up from the floor, and howled in anger as the beast inside him began to take form.

Tuvok and Ensign Nazeem watched as Aonghas was transported to the Brig.

Again, her ship had a Howl in the Brig.

Kathryn watched Aonghas pacing back and forth in the relatively small cell, the silver streak down his back shining in the light, and his ears laid flat in anger.

He stared at Kathryn momentarily. A low growl came from his throat and he barked at her.

She didn’t flinch. Tuvok’s weapon had been set at strength appropriate for Caela, but didn’t work on Aonghas. Apparently the males of her species were more resistant to phaser fire.

Tuvok had immediately made adjustments to the brig’s force fields, and it held Aonghas easily.

Kathryn crouched down and met the animal at eye level. She couldn’t look at him now without seeing only the violence he’d perpetrated against Lilak. He’d made the choice to commit those acts. Caela had been through horrors as well, and instead of becoming angry and hurtful, she had moved in the opposite direction. And though Caela wasn’t buried alive under her own dead, she had been subject to feeling everything her people felt as they were hunted down and eradicated by the Hirogen.

“Aonghas.” She said quietly. “I know what you’ve done. Don’t think you’re going to get away with it.”

He growled and threw himself against the force field. The force of the power surge threw him back against the wall.

She stood. Try it again, she thought.

She stood, her eyes on him until she faced the door and walked out of the brig.

Aonghas paced back and forth. His eyes could see the force field that kept him penned in, and he could see it fade when he threw himself against it.

Again, her threw himself at the invisible wall, and again he was thrown back. He did this over and over, and the security officer in the brig notified Tuvok.

Tuvok was there in moments. He could see that Aonghas was hurting himself. There had been no means of tranquilizing a Howl thus far; he notified the Captain, and increased the strength of the force field.

Lilak requested to go back to her quarters, but the Doctor insisted on her staying.

She agreed, and rested. Still, when the Doctor needed to leave to see to a patient at the other end of the ship, someone who couldn’t leave his or her station, Lilak waited a few minutes and left sickbay.

She had seen a few of the crew press their badges and ask the computer to locate someone. As she walked down the corridor, she paused to look at a map of the ship on the wall.

A young humanoid girl stepped up to her.

“You’re Lilak, aren’t you?” Naomi asked, trying to be friendly. “I’m Naomi.”

“Hello, Naomi. Can you help me? I’m trying to find my husband.”

“Sure. You just touch this control.” Naomi pressed the correct space on the wall. “And tell the computer who you are trying to find.”

“Computer, where is Aonghas?”

The computer answered back, “Aonghas is in the brig.”

For a moment she expected a negative reaction from the girl. But instead, Naomi took Lilak’s hand, “I’ll show you the way.”

End Part Four