Grief

*********

The ancient song played over in her head. She couldn't seem to stop it.

...because I still love you, my love and you're dead...I would still be your shelter from rain and from storm...but with you in your cold grave, I cannot sleep warm....

Kathryn opened her eyes, sore and swollen from crying for... she didn't know how much time had passed.

/She was everything to me. My brightness. My light in the dark night. /

The doctor had given her a sedative, but she couldn't sleep. When she slept, she would dream. When she dreamed, her love would be there. Upon awakening, she would be lost again.

/You are a coward, Kathryn Janeway. You never told her. And now you grieve over what might have been. You are a coward. Afraid of her rejection. Afraid because you know if you went to her alcove now, you would smell her scent and break down right there./

/A crew without a leader. A ship without a Captain. A Captain struck down by grief...you're not supposed to grieve. Not like this./

For a moment the explosion played over in her head. The light against the windows of her ship.

That moment when her heart went cold, and her world turned upside down.

Herogin cowards.

Where was her anger.

The chirp of the com system. Chakotay's voice.

"Bridge to Janeway."

She willed herself to form the words, "Computer, disengage all communication in this room."

"Disengaged". The computer replied.

She rolled over, pulled her knees up. She could feel the weight of the air around her.
It hurt to breathe. It hurt to feel. It hurt to be there....  
 

Now she felt the sleep coming. It overtook her. She decided she didn't care if she ever woke up.

***

Through sleep she heard her door open, and then close. In a moment, a hand was on her forehead, stroking her hair from her face. Someone was on her bed.

The anger she couldn't find earlier was found now. Her eyes opened, and she pushed herself up, "Computer, lights."

Seven sat on her bed. Her hair was a mess, blond wisps falling around her face where they'd escaped her clip. A small laceration above her brow implant still bled a little. A large bruise had spread across her right cheekbone, and her blue catsuit was torn here and there. She held a scratched hand to Kathryn's face, but paused just inches from her.

"Captain. As you can see I survived the destrucion of the Delta Flyer."

Kathryn stared at this vision. It couldn't be real. She felt her eyes tearing up, and her voice quivered when she spoke. "Seven?"

Blue eyes showed concern."I am sorry I did not report to you immediately upon return to Voyager. Commander Chakotay and I- he needed to speak with me."

Kathryn was reluctant to believe her eyes, her ears. "Survived.... How?"

"I was able to transport to the Hirogen vessel. I killed three Hirogen, and took a shuttle. I hid in the debirs field of the Delta Flyer, behind a subspace signal I created to mask my life signs. I waited."

Kathryn's heart pounded.

"I knew you would come back for me."

Kathryn's sobs broke through, "I didn't. I couldn't... I thought.." She couldn't speak now.

Seven pulled Kathryn close, and held her, forgetting whatever formaliites might exist between a Captain and her crew. "I am here now."She held her until the sobs softened, and until the crying stopped. She pulled back, her hands going to Kathryn's, she held them tight. She rested her forehead on Kathryn's, and whispered, "I have loved you for so long. For so long"

Her hands then slid behind Kathryn, where she stroked Kathryn's back. Her lips tentatively touched Kathryn's cheek. "Kathryn."

Meeting her lips, Kathryn allowed Seven to coax her mouth open, to invite her tongue to hers. Seven kissed her long and deep.

Kathryn slid her hands up Seven's back, felt the muscle there, the occasional implant. She pulled Seven closer.

When their lips finally parted from each other, Seven brought Kathryn's hands to her mouth and kissed them softly. She met her gaze. "May I lay with you?"

Kathryn pulled blankets aside, and Seven stood. She removed her torn blue suit, and removed the clip from her hair. She let these things fall to the floor, and slid into the bed next to Kathryn. She pulled the blankets up over them both.

Her arms went around Kathryn, and she pulled her close until Kathryn's head rested on her shoulder. She held her tight. "I am tired."

Kathryn listened to Seven's heart beating. Steady. Her skin was warm against Kathryn's cheek.

Seven whispered, "Kathryn? Do you love me?"

Kathryn could only nod in answer. She closed her eyes.

***

Her eyes opened again to the oppressive dark that had become her reality. The cold in her heart returned.

All a dream.

The tears came again, and this time, she had no voice to lend them. Just tears.

The bed then rose and fell, in a deep breath. The warm, sweet skin of Seven of Nine was beneath Kathryn. Slender strong arms wrapped around her, and hands stroked her skin in comfort.

A sleepy Seven spoke. "I am here, my love."

Kathryn deeply inhaled Seven's scent. Heard her heartbeat again. The warmth began to return to her own heart.

This is real. This is real.

Kathryn's hand moved up to feel Seven's face. She drew it back, and tucked it beneath Seven's body. "I love you Seven."

Sleepy voice, "I love you, Kathryn."

Kathryn settled into the warm body of her love, "Goodnight, Seven."

"Goodnight, my love."

 

***The end***