Time to say goodbye

Captain Janeway spent a last look to her quarter, which was for seven years her personel place on the Voyager. She was the last who would leave the vessel, she was the captain and the captain always leaves as the last person. The room was empty, only the standard furniture, her belongings was on earth, nothing to remember, nothing which reminds that it was her home for seven years. Maybe a last coffee? She went to the replicator. "Gimme a whiskey, ginger ale on the side."

Greta Garbo said this words in her first talking film, it was her first spoken sentence, very husky und very sexy. Janeway needed it, she felt so lost, also like Greta Garbo in the film "Anna Christie". She had no idea what would come now. Briefings, this was sure, perhaps a new command. Relax, spend time in Indiana with her mother and her sister Phoebe. Talking about her adventures, make some fun to Phoebe, be a good daughter and sister, be Kathryn.

She was not longer responsible for the crew of Voyager, for their journey home. She was only responsible for herself. Herself... The whiskey burned in her throat. It was not the time to have the blue feelings. Her crew was home, was with their families, was save. But what's about her? 'Don't even think about it!', she said to herself. Music could be a good idea, but which kind of music? One whiskey more, to kill the feelings and thoughs deep inside her. Seven was gone.

Perhaps in the next time she would see her on some official occasions. But it would never be the same. No more philosophical discussions late in night, no more velocity games an the holodeck, no more fight with her. Kathryn loved Seven and she thought she had all the time oft the world to make the connection stronger between Seven and her. She did not know the date as she started to have feelings for Seven. She knew only that she felt more and more in love with Seven every day. She believed one day she were able to admit to Seven that she loves her. But Seven choose Chakotay.

The third whiskey. The beverage tasted a little bit salty. Kathryn realized it was her own tears, mixed with the whiskey.

"People who loves you!" again and again. This sentence was burned in Sevens brain. She knew the meaning. She was so sure. People means Kathryn Janeway. Not Chakatay, Tom, Harry or the Doctor, only the captain. "All I want is that you trust me again.", also burned in her heart in her soul. Janeway said this to her in the Deltaflyer, when she was trying to get her home. "I don't leave without you.", in the Borgcube. So much love, so much of it. Why did not Seven realize this earlier? Maybe she did not want to be aware of it? One woman with another woman? She knew homosexuality was an option. But she never considers this for herself.

Fuck, fuck... I sat in front of my computer trying to write a story: Past End Game. There was so much fanfic, so much well written stories about what was happen after "End Game". It has to be new, spectacular, I want to be good. Okay: Janeway loves Seven, this was so obvious, remember the scene in the sickbay. Admiral Janway sitting on the biobed, Seven entered the room. Felt the gaze of Janeway on her and she seemed a little bit annoyed and a much greater part unsure of herself. She did not know how to react.

Janeway and Seven have to become lovers. But how to put them together? All right: Janeway drunk to much whiskey, Seven comes to say "Good bye", find the drunken Janeway, brings her in the bed, Janeway pleads Seven to stay with her. They share the bed, certainly only sleeping. Next morning Janeway wakes up with a terrible headache. Seven brings her a cup of coffee to the bed. Janeway smells the coffee and taste it, it's delicious: "It is not from replicator, isn't it?" Sever answers: "No, it is from a coffeemachine.  I have beamed one from the headquarters cafeteria here." And in this moment Janeway knew  Seven loved her.

The perfect end or not? Not very exciting, maybe some hot lesbian sex. Yeah, sex sells!

Janeway is not drunk. Seven comes to say "Good bye." Janeway is suprised, she thought Seven already left the Voyager with Chakotay. I don't like Chakotay, wooden boy, plankboy, I want to throw him out the nearest airlock. Poor actor Robert Beltran, I hope I will never meet him. Neither than the stupid author who wrote the eps which make Seven and Chakotay to a couple.

Janeway and Seven have to be the couple! To go on with the story: Janeway stood up from the couch. Slowy, very slowly and very aware of her feelings, of her needs. She wanted to take Seven in her arms, hug her really for the first time. It seemed that Seven wanted the same thing. Both were unable to say anything, only watching each other. It needed an eternity, but finaly they stood in front of each other. Hesitantly Janeway took Seven in her arms. Seven returned the embrace immediately. Still silent, only huging, no one of them wanted to break this perfect moment. The next eternity past by. Janeway eased her grip around Seven to watch in her eyes.

They talk to each other, about their feelings, that they loved each other since a long time and so one. Than they fuck each other senseless.

Also bullshit. I really like to know what Kate Mulgrew and Jeri Ryan think about this. And I am very interessted if they aware that a part of the international lesbian-community still talking and thinking about Janeway and Seven. That we do videos, manips and write stories to put Janeway and Seven together.

Next attempt: I take one of my old stories change it a little and hope nobody will notice that I have still posted this piece.

Some seconds after arriving in the alpha quadrant. One second after Janeway said to Chakotay “Set a course at home.” Janeway looked at the former Borg Drone. Seven years, four years with her and now?. Seven returned the gaze cocking her head in the direction of the ready room. Asking the older woman silently for some privat words. Because she had to tell her something. She could not let all this end without another word. Kathryn had a wage idea what Seven wanted from her. “Tuvok you have the bridge, I am in my ready room.” Kathryn  entered  the ready room first. Seven followed her.  Kathryn did not know why the face of Admiral Janeway flashed through her mind briefly.

Kathryn went to the replicator, she needed an anchor. “Coffee black.” Seven looked at her with  her blue eyes: "I know you love me." A simple sentence, five words, an observation and at the same time a charge. Seven stood in front of Kathryn Janeway. She said these words filled with despair. A little bit of bitterness made her voice dark. "Don't fool me any longer, you cannot hide any longer what you are feeling for me. And most of all don't fool yourself any longer."

Silence, Kathryn Janeway knew nothing to say, nothing to return. These eyes, she was not able to look at them, not in this special moment. Usually she loved to look into these blue eyes, loved to look into this beautiful face. In her mind she drew with her fingertips over this face, starting on the forehead, the eyebrows, than the cheekbone, stroking the lips gently, lifting the chin with her fingers, cupping the entire face with her hands and ... But only in her mind, in the rare moments when she was not Captain Janeway, when she was only Kathryn. If she allowed herself to be Kathryn.

Seven was near crying. "I saw the gaze of Admiral Janeway in the sickbay, how she looked at me. Her eyes were full of tenderness, unspoken deep love, unbelievable desires. This was more than an usual moment for her . It seemed to me, this was the moment she was waiting for, wanting for, doing everything for it. Spending all her power for, breaking every rule, every law, betraying for it, lying, giving up her own moral perceptions."

Janeway wanted to stop Seven, stop what she was saying. She did not want to hear it. She knew it, it was the truth. But she did not believe that she was able to do all these things in the future, not yet. One thing was clear: She could not live without her. Not in the future, not in the present. The thought was unbearable.

Seven continued: "Die for it." Seven moved one step forward. Kathryn wanted to keep the distance. But behind her was no space, only the wall, and behind there was the vacuum of the universe. Emptiness so much of it, like the emptiness she felt inside herself. Until Seven entered Voyager, entered her life. The coffee mug, Kathryns last line of defence. She held the mug in her hand close to her chest. Seven took it away and placed it on the desk. For an instant their hands touched each other.

"Please Kathryn." What did Seven say? Kathryn? Oh god, than the touch. Kathryn was unable to concentrate. This was too much for her. Kathryn wanted to run away. Run away from her feelings, from Seven. But there was no space to do so. She could feel the heat of Sevens body. Sevens hand lifted her chin, she tried to look into Janeways eyes. "Please, open your eyes, look at me. I need it. How long do you want to go with this? You destroy yourself." Sevens fingertips stroked Kathryns face gently. "Don't you know, that I have similar feelings for you? I was not aware of this until I met the Admiral." Seven took her hand away, very slowly. She turned around on her heels and left the ready room and Kathryn to her own thougths. But before she reached the door Kathryn said: "Come with me to Indiana."

A perfect end. "Come with me to Indiana." means in this case "I love you."