Two kisses – Kathryn Hansen-Hamiltons point of view

 

I

 

Voyager has been home for 25 years. My mothers, Lauren and Seven and myself were still kind of celebrities. They both lecture at the MIT now, after a long time working in the Theoretical Propulsion Group. Lauren worked with the hull and shield designs and Seven looked after the propulsion systems. Now it was my time to walk in their footsteps.

 

Two weeks ago I had an interview with the science department of Starfleet. Doctor Leah Brahms decided to retire and so they needed a new leader of the group. I worked for the group for five years. After a long time not knowing what I really wanted. First I studied geology like Lauren but I also did some courses in quantum mechanics and astronomy. After earning my degree, I went to Starfleet Academy. B’Elanna Torres was one of my favourite teachers and she got me interested in engineering.

 

My mothers were not very happy about me constantly changing my interests. One day, it was obvious that Lauren and Seven had a long talk about my future. They asked me if I would like to join their group. First I was uncertain what it would be like to work with my mothers. But they assured me I would never get special treatment. I had to prove myself.

 

This sounded nice to me.  In the past people dealt with my in two ways. First they gave me every advantage and made life easy for me. Or they dealt with me like a spoiled arrogant brat due to the celebrity status of my parents. Both were not very comforting and annoyed me.

 

So the first year I worked as a trainee. I got to know every department of the TPG to find out which part of the research would fit me. I’ve decided on going into the temporal mechanic and engineering group. After two long years and hard work, I was appointed the head of the group. Temporal mechanics matched my interests. The group worked for a long time on constructing a time travel vessel. But they were not very successful. To many variables were still unknown and no computer was advanced enough to make simulations. Some years ago they built a prototype, but the ship was almost destroyed in the first test. So we worked only on the theoretical aspects.

 

In the same year when I became the head of the group my mothers finished her slip-stream project. Certainly travel with slip-stream-drive was possible, as has been known for a long time. But its drawbacks was that it did damage to subspace. Lauren and Seven were searching for a way to use slipstream travel in such a way that it would be possible to easily close the tears in subspace which the slip-stream caused. They were successful and so it was now possible for all vessels to use the slip-stream and not only for a limited number. My mothers decided to share and to give this knowledge to the students. It was shortly after that that MIT noticed their successful research and offered them both professorships.

 

That is how I got Leah Brahms' job. First I was hesitant to take the offer because I would need to cease my research with the time travel group. But Starfleet Command convinced me otherwise. This was because I knew all the departments of the TPG and had great knowledge about the majority of issues which the TPG was working on. In the end I accepted the offer. Perhaps I could find the time to work with my little baby,  the time travel group.

 

My mothers were very proud of me. They embraced me happily when I told them. And they kissed me twice.  All the time they were kissing me, I knew it was Captain Kathryn Janeway's kiss.

 

***

 

So long as I could remember Kathryn Janeway was a silent member of our family. In our living room  my mothers had a lot of pictures of her with them. One of them showed me as a little baby in the arms of Kathryn Janeway. She was looking very tenderly at me and held me carefully in her arms.

 

Very often my mothers told me stories about their captain and life on Voyager. How Kathryn Janeway influenced their life and how she cared first for Lauren and than for Seven. And how they decided to name me after her.

 

Than there was Gretchen and Phoebe Janeway. We had a close contact to these two Janeway women. We spent a lot of time in Indiana where Kathryn Janeway grew up. Lauren and Seven listened to the stories about Kathryn’s childhood and youth. And Gretchen and Phoebe listened to Kathryn’s adventure with Lauren and Seven when they were on Voyager.

 

We formed a big family. Sometimes B’Elanna Torres, her husband Tom Paris and my good old buddy Miral joined us. Phoebe had a daughter in the same age bracket as me and Miral. Carolyn, Miral and I played and discovered Gretchen’s farm together. In the barn we made our own starship with bales of straw. We named our vessel Voyager and I was the captain.

 

Once Gretchen Janeway went looking for us, to tell us dinner was ready. She must have monitored us for some minutes. I was landing Voyager on earth and barked commands to Carolyn on the helm and Miral on the engineering station. Carolyn complied and said: „Yes, Captain Janeway!“ Gretchen had tears in her eyes, she missed her eldest daughter terribly. She took me in her arms and whispered in my ear: „I wished my Kathryn were here and could see you. You bring your mothers and me so much joy. I am sure you would make her happy too.“

 

***

 

Now I live in San Francisco. I moved into Kathryn Janeway’s house. Gretchen Janeway kept it all these years and when I got the promotion to be the leader of the Theoretical Propulsion Group it was her present to me. Phoebe agreed with her mother that I should reside in Kathryn's house. She and her family have lived these past years on Betazed.

 

Gretchen Janeway did not change a lot in the house. She did only an overhaul of the technical equipment. There was still Kathryn Janeway’s furniture in the house. I slept in Kathryn Janeway’s bed, eat at her table and took a bath in her beloved tub. I loved the house. I changed nothing, but I did add some things. Before my mothers went to Boston to take the Professorships with the MIT and do other things, they gave me copies of two holopics. The one were I was a little baby in the arms of Kathryn Janeway and the other with the four of us. I played the last one often. I loved the look on Kathryn Janeway's face when my mother Lauren teased her with: „And now learn a new word : “ granny Kathryn.“

 

So Kathryn Janeway was all the time present. I could feel her spirit in the house. And sometimes I would silently talk to her. I thanked her for saving my mother Lauren. And I asked her for advice on how to lead the TPG. I knew she was a great leader. Not only was she respected by the members of her crew, but also beloved by them. Gretchen Janeway gave me the personal log files of Kathryn Janeway. Maybe I would find some good advice and learn from her and her experiences.

 

My life was lonely. Certainly I had some friends like Miral and Carolyn. A Long time ago Miral and I was a little bit attracted to each other. One evening we went out and had a little to much alcohol. We tried to have sex, but after some time we decided to stop. We were more friends than lovers. And we had all the time to laugh about our selfs. Carolyn was another story. All that time we lurked around each other, neither one of us was brave enough to reveal to the other her feelings. And than Carolyn moved with her parents to Betazed. Perhaps she was tired of me, tired of unspoken words. Somehow, it seemed that there was to be no partner for me who matched my interests and my passions.

 

So I spent my evenings in Kathryn Janeway’s house. which was now my house, reading or listening to her personal logs. I was becoming more fascinated with this gorgeous woman with every file I read or heard. I now understood my mothers, Gretchen and Phoebe Janeway very well. Why they missed her and why she was still present. It was her passion and compassion, her dedication to her family, to her friends and at last to her profession which made her this extraordinary human.

 

I took her picture in my hands. Touched her face with my fingers. I wished she were still alive and would live with us. And I fell in love with her: Her stormy-grey eyes, as my mother teased her with „Granny Kathryn“. Her incredible soft blue eyes as she looked at me, when I was a baby. Her husky voice from the records. I knew her so well and my desire to get to know her really was getting stronger with every passing day.

 

I was the leader of the TPG now and perhaps I would be able to change time.

 

 

***

 

I brought my little baby, this wreck of the time-travel ship, to Gretchen Janeway’s barn. I spent all my weekends and spare time doing repairs. Sometimes Miral helped me. She had engine oil in her blood, like her mother did. She didn’t know what I wanted with the vessel and I didn’t tell her. In the end she believed like Gretchen, that I needed something to occupy my time with after my work as leader of the TPG.

 

My mothers was another case. I often sought Lauren’s advice for specifics on hullsl. I had long talks with Seven about temporal mechanics and her experiences with Brax, the captain of the Relativity. I made them believe it had only to do with my job and not with my barn activities.

 

It was amazing how much my mothers were still in love with each other. How much they adored and cherished each other. One weekend I spent with my mothers would be forever in mind. I visited them in their new house in Boston. Sunday morning I was coming down from the guest room to the kitchen to have breakfast with them. My mothers were already seated at the table, holding hands and looking fondly into each others eyes. Immediately I knew they had made love last night. I flushed a little bit at this thought. Seven noticed it and smiled.

 

„So Kathryn, Gretchen told me you spend a lot of time with Miral.“

 

Seven started. Since some time my mothers asked me if there were someone in my life. All the time they asked, I told them no. My mothers were not very happy about it as I was sure they wanted some grand-children. Especially Seven.

 

„Miral and I only play together.“

 

„Play?“ Lauren cut in.

 

„Uhm, I mean we repair some old vessels for the Federation Museum in our spare time.“

 

That was the first time in my life I lied. But I could not say to my mothers that I wanted to go back in time and save Kathryn Janeway. They would stop me. So I enjoyed my last time with my mothers. I was sure that I would see them again soon. But not as their daughter. I would be missing the two kisses, one from each of them. But perhaps there was another one who would kiss my twice.

 

II

 

„They look cute together.“ I said to Captain Janeway after Laurens and Seven’s performance in the mess hall.

 

„Yes, they do.“ Only a short answer.

 

I knew Janeway was a little bit jealous. But it was so sweet to witness the first kiss between my mothers and to know that soon they would be lovers. I could not take back my comment. For five years I have lived on board of Voyager. I had joined Chakotay's Maquis group and pretended to be an outlaw as I thought this was the easiest way to meet Kathryn Janeway. It did not take too much manipulation of the Federation data banks to add a new identity.

 

So I was Romy Albach, born in a near Bajor on a little colony of German Traditionalist. I had studied mathematics and astrophysics at Bajor and decided to join the Maquis when my home world was annexed and destroyed by the Cardassians. I had to keep my history simple. Five years hiding myself, five years of trying to be invisible to Lauren, to Kathryn Janeway and one year to Seven.

 

But this evening I could not stand any longer in the shadows. The evening went on and Lauren and Seven decided to leave the messhall early. Kathryn was a little disappointed about it. I tried to keep near Kathryn. First it seemed she did not notice me. I was only a simple crewman with no rank, wearing an operations yellow tunic. However, I often felt eyes on me.

 

It was not fair of me. I knew all her personal logs. How lonely she felt, how desperately she was in the need for another human. I was taking advantage of her. But did I had a choice? I fell in love with her again the first time when I met her on Voyager. And it was so much more. I couldn’t describe it. In the last few years I appreciated her more and more and learned more about her than all the stories and official logs could do. It was this first hand experience which I had of her. I longed for her kiss, for her touch. For ten years I was never felt like that about another being. My last lover was Miral, but that didn’t count. We were only playing and nothing ever really happened.

 

To my surprise Janeway invited me a few days later to her quarters for dinner. In her message she said it would be ship-business but she also said I did not need to wear my uniform. I knew Kathryn Janeway sometimes invited crewmembers to her quarter for personal talks about their future and to discuss professional, and sometimes personal, problems she felt they were having.

 

After exchanging some polite phrases over the main course, we changed from the table to her couch to have some coffee. Janeway came directly to the matters she wished to discuss.

 

„So, tell me Romy. I’ve read your files. You’ve studied mathematics and astrophysics and you had a brilliant career as a scientist laying before you before you joined the Maquis. You had a lot of possibilities to continue with your career on board Voyager. But you decided to hide yourself in engineering. Please tell me why?“

 

I could not tell her the reason. After I started with my time travel ship I met another time travel ship from the 29th century. Time travel mechanics never gave me an headache. But in this case they gave me a migraine. They told me, that my younger self - still not born, was destined to make time travel possible and safe for the future. My trip back was necessary to be with and protect Janeway and insure that she be a god-mother of Kathryn Hansen-Hamilton, my own younger self. Because when we go back to earth I would interest her in temporal mechanics and she would build the first successful time travel ship.

 

Cause and effect. So I had to hide myself and my extensive knowledge about Voyager and everything else until Lauren and Seven fell in love, to make sure Kathryn Hansen-Hamilton would be born. They also told me that one of my actions in the past resulted in Lauren and B’Elanna having an affair. Okay, this was the point where I said: „Please stop it!“ But I knew now, why I was a little bit attracted to Miral and she to me.

 

The captain of the other time travel ship didn’t give me any instructions on what I had to do. I had it to find out by myself. So I decided to tell Kathryn Janeway the truth, well, not the entire truth. But it would not be a lie, if I told her only parts of it.

 

„I fell in love with you when I was became a member of your crew. But you are the captain and I am only a simple crewmember and a former Maquis. Then you have to care so much about Voyager and the other crewmembers. I also know that you had a fiancee on earth. So I didn’t know how to approach you and if my feelings for you are welcome.“

 

Kathryn Janeway was speechless. Her face changed from red to white and from white to red. She needed some time to find her bearings. Than she asked me.

 

„Why do you tell me now?“

 

„You seemed so lonely yesterday and I believe I saw some pain in your face when you watched Lauren and Seven. You seemed jealous, hurt and happy at the same time. Happy for Lauren and Seven that they found each other. Jealous and hurt because it came to your mind that you have no one to hold and to comfort you.“

 

Before Janeway could answer me, her com-badge chirped. It was Seven. She asked if Janeway was available. Janeway told her that she would call her back.

 

„Well, you are right. But this is too much for me now. I don’t know what to say. Give me some time, please.“

 

„All the time in the world.“

 

„Thank you. I appreciate your honesty and your directness toward me.“

 

With this I was dismissed. When I left Janeway’s quarters Seven waited impatiently outside. I had to smile. In some minutes my mother would tell Kathryn Janeway about her relationship with my other mother Lauren. Perhaps it could be helpful for me.

 

 

 

****

 

 

One week later Janeway ordered me to her ready room. She said my knowledge was wasted in engineering and asked me if I would like to work with Seven in astrometrics. This was where my education could be better utilized..

 

Working together with my mother again, oh my god! I was stubborn like her. When I was a pupil and Seven looked at my homework and my tests, she was often very disappointed when she found some faults. But patiently she would go over my homework with me and help me learn my tests materials. When I understood what she was teaching, she would sing me songs as an award because I loved her voice more than Lauren’s alto. Later when I was a student it occurred to me that I was better in mathematics and astrophysics than Seven. Much later when I was with TPG , Seven would seek my advice.

 

I had to be very careful, if I took Janeway’s offer. Janeway felt how hesitant I was.

 

„It is a problem for you, that Seven will be your commanding officer? She is nearly ten years younger than you?“

 

„No.“ I assured Janeway quickly.

 

One thing was clear: Seven would never cradle me in her arms and kiss me twice, when I did something right. But maybe I had the opportunity to become her and Lauren’s friend.

 

„Okay, then it is settled.“

 

I wanted to leave the room. I thought Janeway was finished with me. But she stopped me.

 

„It seems I’ve lost my velocity partner. Are you still interested in playing a game with me with me sometimes?“

 

I was surprised and accepted immediately. We made a date for the day after tomorrow.

 

My first duty in astrometrics was easier than I expected. Seven assigned me to review some data and fortunately I could not find any faults in her calculations. I soon finished my work and had time to observe Seven. She was full of grace in her movements and such a beautiful woman. Lauren was a beauty too, but more masculine. I was reminded of a talk which I had with Miral a long time ago. She said to me that is was a little bit of a pity that I looked more like Lauren than my sexy as hell mother, Seven.

 

„You are like your mother B'Elanna. Klingons prefer blondes.“ I teased her.

 

„Why did your mothers only have one child? Maybe the next one would be more like Seven?“

 

This was really a problem with ova melding. The procedure was extremely difficult and produced the same result every time. If my mothers would decide to have a second child it would have the same identical genetic make up as me.

 

„You know why. Besides, there is not enough space in the galaxy for two Kathryn Hansen-Hamiltons.“

 

I asked also the captain of the time travel ship the same questions. How could it possible that I existed twice. I had done some prior research about this because I did not want to vanish when Kathryn was born. There was a theory about cause and effect. More a philosophical theory than a physical theory. I destroyed my time frame with leaving it. It was like a crash of the universe. The history of the universe was a constant loop. Big bang - collapse - big bang. I caused a collapse of the universe and started at the same time a new big bang. My big bang was artificial and so the conditions of the time frame I choose would be restored. I was an integral part of this new universe and with my appearance I would influence the time lines of my environment and Kathryn Hansen-Hamilton would not be identical to me. This is because I changed the conditions for her birth and her growing up long before she was born.

 

The captain of the time travel ship smiled. „Your younger self developed this theory together with your mothers, Kathryn Janeway and a certain Romy Albach. You are cause and effect at the same time. And you made it possible to travel between the time frames to the future and back without causing a collapse of the universe.“

 

„Who? Romy Albach or Kathryn Hansen-Hamilton?“

 

Obviously there was enough space for two or more of us. The captain assured me with time I would learn more about the mechanics. But now was not the time and I was not ready for more knowledge. It was a little bit spooky. But I hoped my questions would soon find an answer.

 

Lauren entered astrometrics as I finished my assignment. First she did not notice me and stepped into the arms of Seven. Seven whispered something in her ear. Lauren blushed. Than Seven said to me, that I had proved I was able to run the lab without her and she and Lieutenant Hamilton were now able to do some simulations on the holodeck.

 

‘Mothers. They are only in the beginning of their relationship and already searching for an excuse to make love.’ I thought to myself.

 

„It’s okay. Take time, take care.“

 

I almost said. „Have fun and enjoy yourself.“

 

I was a little bit envious. But tomorrow I would play velocity with Kathryn Janeway and maybe things didn’t look bad for me.

 

 

III

 

In the last two months Kathryn Janeway and I played weekly velocity together. After the game, it was our habit to go to the mess hall and have dinner. She discussed ship business with me and was interested how things were going with being Seven’s subordinate. I was used to being a kind of subordinate to Seven prior to my time travel, so it was no problem for me. I appreciated the possibility to learn more about my mother from a different point of view. I was very grateful for Janeway.

 

This evening Kathryn Janeway made an exception. She invited me to her quarters for dinner. So, I knew this talk would not be entirely about ship's business.

 

Kathryn Janeway didn’t disappointed me. When we finished dinner we sat down on her couch to have coffee. Janeway started the discussion. She was never attracted to women, she never considered a relationship with a woman besides friendship and a working relationship. She had some feelings for B’Elanna, Lauren, Seven and also Kes. In general she appreciated women and enjoyed their presence. I was waiting for Janeway to say she was not interested in pursuing a relationship with me outside of a professional one and as a partner for velocity. But than she suddenly said, „You gave me a lot of long sleepless nights. I found myself reaching out for you. But I am still uncertain about my feelings toward you. Is it the solitude, my raging hormones, am I tired of being alone? Or am I really attracted to you. You are an intelligent, beautiful, and strong woman. Seven is impressed with your knowledge and you know it is really difficult to impress Seven. You respect me but you give me the feeling that I am ...“

 

„Kathryn, what do you want to say?“

 

Kathryn was surprised that I interrupted her and used her given name to address her.

 

„I asked you to play velocity with me so that I would have the chance to learn more about you. You played a fair game. You never let me deliberately win. Our talks after the game were very relaxing and I enjoyed them very much. I feel comfortable when you are around me. I want and I need more of you.“

 

„Kathryn.“ I took her hand in mine.

 

„But I cannot promise you anything. I never told you anything about Justin. He was the great love of my life. I believed so for a long time. Mark Johnson was only a distraction and I used him for my own comfort. And he used me. I don’t want to use you, to make my life easier. I don’t want to act selfish. I want to be certain and honest with my feelings toward you.“

 

We looked each other in the eyes. Her wonderful stormy blue-grey eyes. I saw to the center of her soul. It was revealed in this moment to me. I understood the magnitude of Kathryn Janeway. Constantly she reflected on herself and scrutinised her actions, feelings and thoughts. This made her into the extraordinary woman and charismatic leader that she is.

 

Gretchen Janeway was right to give me Kathryn’s personal logs to learn more about her. But nothing is better than first hand experience.

 

I didn’t know how long we sat speechless together. Words are sometimes so useless. Kathryn communicated to me with her eyes. I saw the self-doubts, but also that she was willing to give us a chance. And very importantly: I saw passion and compassion when the colour of her eyes changed to the clearest deep blue that I had ever seen them turn. It was magic.

 

And I knew I was right to travel back in time. Time travel was in my time frame a trip with a no return ticket because I collapsed the universe and initiated a big bang. The new universe was all most an exact copy of the universe which I left. It was not possible to go back in my own time frame. If I did it again I would create only a copy of the universe in which I had acted, not the one which I left. I was a stranger in my own time frame because my former actions changed it extensively. But this was chaos-theory. And in this moment, with Kathryn Janeway, I was not really in the mood to think about such things.

 

„It’s late.“

 

„I have to go, my duty starts early.“

 

Kathryn went with me to door of her quarters. Before I left she took me in her arms for what seemed an eternity. And she kissed my cheeks. Twice.

 

***

 

In the next few weeks we danced around each other.  Nothing really important happened between us.  We played velocity together, had dinner in the mess hall or in Kathryn’s quarters. But our talks were more personal now. She opened herself up to me. I already knew the stories about her childhood and youth. But it was nice to listen to her point of view. The picture of the almighty Kathryn Janeway faded. Underneath all the stories, and the official and personal logs, lay a simple human like the rest of us. Kathryn Janeway was both strong and weak. But it was her special power that made her weakness a source of strength. I adored her. I cherished her and I fell deeper and deeper in love with her.
 
One evening she invited me to her quarters for dinner. She said Lauren and Seven would be present and we would discuss ship’s business. I was curios and nervous at the same time. This would be the first time that I shared any length of time with both my mothers together.
 
Lauren and Seven looked gorgeous together. I couldn’t remember a time in my life when my mothers looked unhappy or disappointed while in each others’ company. It seemed their love surrounded them and made them glow. My beautiful mothers brought Janeway a bottle of wine they had acquired from a planet which we had visited some weeks ago.
 
We sat down at the table. It was the first time that Janeway and I sat together. Normally, we would sit opposite from each other when we had dinner. When we would set on Janeway’s couch we would keep a safe distance apart from each other. We never touched. But this evening our knees touched constantly and every time they did I felt a shock of electricity running through my body. Janeway also seemed affected by our touching. 
 
We did some small talk over dinner. Lauren asked me if my ancestors were French, because I looked a little bit French. I told her part of the truth about my heritage. Mostly my ancestors were Germans. My given name Romy is a short form of Rosemarie. But I do have French ancestors going back some 200 years ago in my family tree.
 
“Oh, the same with my family. Maybe we are distantly related.”
 
“Yes, could be. In the end we are all distantly related.”
 
“Okay, family.” Kathryn said.
 
“I thought very long about this. I know that you, Lauren and Seven want to work more closely together on Lauren’s project of building a new hull for Voyager. But I cannot spare Seven.  She is needed in Astrometrics.”
 
“But you can spare me. Romy is more than capable of taking over my duties in Astrometrics.”  Seven cut in.
 
“Fine. That is all I need to know. Seven you are still the official head of Astrometrics but you can now spend as much time as you need to scan for the needed minerals. Romy will be responsible for doing the reports and all other day to day business.”
 
Kathryn Janeway lifted her glass. “To my new team. I wish you all the best.”
 
It was getting late. Lauren and Seven said their farewells and left. I helped Kathryn clear off the table.  When I went to say good bye, I thanked her for her trust in allowing me to take over the duties in Astrometrics.
 
“No thanks are necessary Romy. You heard Seven.  You also earned it.”
 
I thanked her again. Since that night in her quarters, when she confessed her doubts to me, we had come to a silent agreement. When we were alone I could call her Kathryn. And we had another habit: When we left each other after our private dates we would exchange some chaste kisses. I had a strong feeling this evening that there would be other kinds of kisses. Kathryn hugged me tight and then kissed me twice, but she didn’t end the embrace.
 
“I made another decision.” Kathryn whispered in my ear, than her mouth searched mine.
 
Kathryn Janeway is kissing me! It is not a dream; she is in my arms, so close. I can feel the heat of her body, can smell her, can hear her heartbeat, her hands roaming over my body. I broke the kiss and took her beautiful face in my hands.
 
“Are you sure?”
 
“More than anything. I truly want you and I want to give myself to you. It is not an experiment. No doubts, no regrets.”
 
This was Kathryn Janeway. All or nothing. Passion and compassion. Cause and effect.
 
***

Kathryn and I took our time. Time was a thing we had plenty of. Long walks on the holodeck, dinner dates. Once I cooked for us in the mess hall. It cost me nothing but my power of persuasion.  Neelix let me use his kitchen and made the mess hall off limits for two hours during the gamma shift. Samantha Wildman found a plant on a planet which was similar to terran asparagus. When I was at Starfleet Academy I had a German roommate who taught me a lot of things.  Besides her language, she introduced me to German food and wine. She gave me the idea of disguising myself as a German when I joined Chakotay’s group.
 
“This is delicious Romy.”
 
I served the asparagus like plant with potatoes and green sauce. Green sauce is a cold dish made from yoghurt and sour cream with a lot of herbs. We drank a dry Riesling from the Rheingau area which is a well known wine-growing district. I needed a lot of attempts to replicate this special wine.
 
“Thank you. I knew you would enjoy it. It is German food.“
 
“Who taught you to cook so well?“
 
“It was my mother. She likes to cook.”
 
It was only a half lie; Gretchen Janeway contributed to a lot to my knowledge of cooking. I silently sent a prayer to whatever deity and also thanked them that Kathryn did not notice that I used the present tense when I was speaking about my mother. In the official databanks of the federation my parents were dead. I‘ve manipulated the databanks to create a history for Romy Albach. My real mothers were very much alive. Especially Seven who taught me cooking.
 
Very often I asked myself if I really earned Kathryn’s trust and love. My life was a constant lie. I lied to everyone. I deceived them all. I hated it. Especially in situations like this were I had to make up a story to explain something.  I wanted to lay all my cards on the table and tell Kathryn the truth. I wanted to tell her who I really was and why I was on Voyager. I knew sooner or later someone would discover the truth about me. I knew Kathryn would be badly hurt. But I couldn’t. In three years Kathryn would die and it was my mission to stop this from happening. The captain of the other time travel ship had given me clear instructions.
 
“Wait for dessert. You will love it.”
 
At first I wanted to make Kathryn caramel brownies. But this would reveal my knowledge about her. So I did a sorbet made from champagne with rose petals which was placed for a long time in sugar syrup.
 
“Do you have something special in mind?” Kathryn asked me after she finished the dessert which I served with a small red rose on the plate.
 
“An empty mess hall, candle light, fine chinaware...”
 
“Perhaps.” I smiled and took her hand and brushed my lips over her knuckles and fingers.
 
Kathryn’s eyes were so soft and full of anticipation. It was almost time to consummate our relationship. There were heated kisses and ardent embraces. But we didn’t go any further. We both wanted to make our fist time very special.
 
“Red alert.”
 
Not now! We left the mess hall immediately. Kathryn to the bridge, me to astrometrics.
 
“At least we got to finish our dessert.” Kathryn said before she entered the turbo lift.
 
She hesitated for one moment then kissed me. “Thank you.”
 

***

 

 

The next weeks were like hell. We were in the middle of a civil war between three species. First they asked Captain Janeway to arbitrate between the parties. Kathryn accepted but then one party attempted to take control of Voyager and use her advanced weapons against the others. All that Kathryn could do was to leave this part of the Delta Quadrant as soon as possible. Voyager was heavy damaged.  The warp core was offline and the sensor array destroyed. We were flying blind.
 
Seven worked with B’Elanna in Engineering. Lauren helped Tuvok with repairs on the weapons and shields. Kathryn spent all of her time on the bridge. She even acted as Tom’s copilot. Tom could not fly Voyager automatically. He had to navigate her like an old sailing ship.  I also worked double shifts in Astrometrics with Harry helping me to repair the sensors which were needed to give Tom and Kathryn necessary data to pilot Voyager.
 
To save power we deactivated the environmental controls on several decks. The crew bunked together. Lauren, Seven and I now shared quarters with Kathryn.  However, we rarely saw each other due to our work schedules. We were all exhausted and tired. Especially Seven, who looked like hell. She was so pale and seemed so fragile. Lauren noticed it first. But Seven said it were nothing and was due to the absence of her scheduled regeneration time in her alcove.
 
After six weeks we left hostile space and found a planet populated with a friendly species.  They allowed us to land Voyager on their planet and to make necessary repairs. We were relieved. I had hoped that Kathryn and I would have some time to spend with each other.  Perhaps a short leave on this lovely planet spent together.
But then the next bad news hit us. Seven collapsed due to receiving a jolt of electricity which damaged her abdominal implant. She was in Engineering when this occurred and did not say anything.  She felt that it was more important for her to continue to work with B’Elanna on bringing the warp-core back on line.
 
Lauren was devastated. But fortunately the Doctor and I found a solution. We re-programmed part of Seven’s nanoprobes to assimilate needed nutrition and to use it as the main energy source. A nice side effect to this was that Seven was now independent from her alcove.
 
Seven and Lauren could not thank the Doctor and me enough for this therapy. The Doctor informed them that it was mostly my idea and my work that saved Seven and he only assisted me. But this was not true. Ten years ago in my timeframe Seven had a similar accident and the Doctor and B’Elanna developed this therapy. The difference was, they did not have the time needed to develop it in this timeframe. Lauren had taken Seven immediately after the accident to the Doctor. In this timeframe Seven’s injury was causing complications that were still ongoing after two weeks.  It was then that I decided that I had to interfere. Lauren took me in her arms and she kissed me. Twice.  I comforted her and then I bit my tongue because for one moment I was tempted to say: “Mother.”
 
One thing made me contemplative. The events of the last few weeks were not a part of the “normal” history of Voyager. Since becoming the unofficial head of Astrometrics, the events digressed into something over which I had no control. An example was Seven’s injury. Okay, I was an integral part of this timeframe now and my actions had repercussions. But I had no idea where this was all going. Perhaps there was more behind it. More than I could understand. Perhaps in time I would begin to see those things that the captain of the time travel ship assured me would happen.

***
“So thoughtful?” Kathryn approached me and patted my shoulder. I sat on a little hill near Voyager and tried to evaluate the events again and again and to plan my next course of action.
 
“I was thinking about Seven.”  Only half of a white lie.
 
“Yes, it was close. Lauren is very grateful to you. We all are grateful to you.”
 
Kathryn took a place behind me and wrapped her arms around me. I leaned against her chest. She kissed my temple and my cheek.
 
 Softly she whispered in my ear. “I missed you.”
 
“I have missed you too Kathryn. You have no idea how much.”
 
Her lips brushed gently over my mouth. It was more a caress than a kiss. I wanted to deepen the kiss.  But before I could, Kathryn broke the connection.
 
“I have a surprise for you. But you have to get up and come with me.”
 
“It’s so nice here. I am in your arms. I feel your warmth. I don’t want to move.“  I complained.
 
Kathryn smiled. “Perhaps there is a place where it is more lovely.“
 
Her voice was husky. Her eyes were the darkest blue I have ever seen them.
 
Kathryn led me down the hill and into a valley to a cottage. I knew Kathryn had close contact with the mayor of the village. He provided us with everything we needed. Perhaps this was one of the guesthouses he had offered to us to stay in while away from Voyager.
 
The furniture in the house was simple. On the left side was a kitchenette with a dinning area.  On the opposite side was an open fireplace with some thick rugs in front of it. Beside the front door was a spiral staircase to the upper floor.
 
“I will give you the grand tour later.” Kathryn said and went to the fireplace.  On a small table was placed a cooler with a bottle of champagne and two flutes. She opened the bottle, filled the flutes and gave me one.
 
“To us and to a wonderful weekend.”

***

Kathryn, my sweet little Kathryn, was so shy when it came to making love. First we exchanged lengthy kisses and soft caresses. Neither of us demanding or urgent.  It was like a slow dance; very erotic and arousing. After a long while I started to tug on Kathryn’s clothes. Kathryn stopped me and got up. She undressed for me. Kathryn’s words came back to my mind: ‘I want to give myself to you.’
 
She stood in front of me naked, vulnerable, and so unbelievably beautiful. My head was spinning. I could barely breathe. I reached out for her to surrender with my still fully clothed body and whispered in her ear.  “I love you Kathryn Janeway.”
 
Then I kissed her. I plunged my tongue into the depths of her mouth and tasted all of her. Kathryn helped me undress. I was now naked and there was no holding back. I took everything she offered me and gave her everything of me. We were hungry and thirsty for each other. Kisses, touches, caresses; until we both fell in an exhausted sleep.
 
The next three days were simply beautiful. No one disturbed us. It was like a honeymoon. We lived from moment to moment and enjoyed every one of them. Sometimes we would spend hours just watching each other and exploring each other’s bodies with tiny kisses and little caresses. Then there were times that we couldn’t make it to the bed and our lovemaking was raw and carnal. Especially in our last night in the cottage.
 
Next morning, when I awoke, Kathryn was still sleeping. She lay in my arms, her head on my chest, her legs entangled with my legs. We both smelled of sweat and sex. I let my hand roam over her back. I shifted my body a little. I was so sore but in a pleasant way. I sighed. This made Kathryn wake.
 
“Good morning, love.“
 
Her voice was husky and still sleepy. But not her hands and her lips. It seemed she couldn’t get enough of me. She stroked my inner thigh dangerously near my intimate center. Her lips flicked over my neck in the direction of my earlobe. She knew very well how to arouse me and I was soon ready for her again. But I stopped her.
 
“Kathryn, we have to be back on Voyager in two hours.”
 
Kathryn growled something incomprehensible. We hadn’t talked a lot in the past 72 hours. It was not necessary. Our mouths were occupied with other things, very lovely things. A shiver ran through my body when I remembered how her lips drove me crazy.
 
“You want to discuss our relationship?” Kathryn concluded.  “I see no need for talk. Remember what I told you some weeks ago; no regrets. I made my decision to accept your love and to be with you a long time ago. I don’t give away my heart easily. I love you Romy Albach, with all that I am.”
 
This was all that I needed to know. How could I have any doubts?
 
***
The next few months were very peaceful. I decided to test fate and calculated a course which was the original course of Voyager. I now shared Kathryn’s quarters. But I kept my old quarters as we sometimes needed some distance from each other. We were both used to living alone for a long time and it was a little bit difficult for us to share our lives completely. We both needed time to become used to the idea of sharing our lives. 
 
Lauren and Seven made a lot of progress on the new hull alloy. We grew closer to each other.  Perhaps because the four of us were the only female couples on board. Very often we shared our spare time together. Especially playing velocity. Kathryn and I were respected opponents. Sometimes we  had dinner together. Seven and I cooked for Lauren and Kathryn. I kept a safe distance from Lauren. I tried not to stand near her when other people were around. Our resemblance to each other was too obvious. Although I cut my hair very short and I had blue eyes.
 
One evening Seven and Lauren invited us for dinner. It must be a special occasion, because they wanted us to wear something more than casual. Kathryn and I were full of anticipation. The invitation could only mean one thing. And Lauren did not disappoint us when she lifted her glass to make a toast before we started dinner.
 
“One year ago Seven and I found each other. Now we want to get married to tie the bond between us. We consider you both our friends and we wanted you to be the first to know.”
 
“Congratulations.” Kathryn and I said in unison.
 
This was the nice part of time travel. Watching my mothers’ courtship and getting married. Witnessing their happiness. We spent the evening talking about the wedding and making plans on how to do it. Seven and Lauren made some innuendos that they wanted a child soon.
 
It was not a surprise for me. But it troubled me. Kathryn Hansen-Hamilton would be an exact genetic copy of me. What if the doctor found out? What repercussions would it have? Should I play with fate? I still had some of Seven’s nanoprobes in stasis from when I used them to develop a therapy for Seven after her accident. I could change one of them to alter the genes of the foetus. Not completely though, but enough to have Seven’s genes dominate and not Lauren’s.  ‘Making a girlfriend for Miral.’  I thought to myself and I smirked inwardly. But I decided against it. It would only cover my lies a little longer. Sooner or later someone would find out.
 

IV

 

Eleven months later Lauren gave birth to her and Seven’s baby. A few hours after the birth, Kathryn and I went to sickbay to say hello to the newest crewmember. It was so sweet to watch the three of them. Lauren in bed with my younger self in her arms and Seven kneeling beside her, always touching and kissing Lauren and the baby. Then Seven took the baby and laid her in Kathryn’s arms. She was so fragile. Her eyes were still closed and she had some sparse blond hair on her head. To my surprise, it was obvious that Seven’s genes dominated.
 
“You two did a lot for us. So we decided to call her Kathryn-Rosemarie and we want to ask you if you will be her god-mothers.” Lauren said.
 
I was surprised again. But it was logical. My influence changed events.
 
“What about you two? Want some children too?” Seven asked Kathryn and me.
 
Our relationship was an open secret. Especially since I moved in with Kathryn a half year ago. I gave my quarters to Lauren, Seven, B’Elanna and Tom. They divided it in order to have more space for their children. Kathryn and I never talked about having children. We were still too much involved with each other. Certainly, we had our moments. Sometimes, when Kathryn made love to me and used a strap-on dildo to go deep inside of me she said, “I wish I could make you a baby.” But we never discussed it in earnest.
 
Seven didn’t expect an answer. She was too busy with little Kathryn-Rosemarie and her wife. I wondered if they would call her Kathryn-Rosemarie or Katie or Rosie.
 
Kathryn and I spent a quit evening together. We were both reading. Sometimes Kathryn tried to start a discussion about us having children.
 
“It was a good feeling to hold the little one in my arms.”
 
“Kathryn you are 45 and I will be 40 next year. Do you really want a baby?”
 
“Why not? Do you think we are too old for this? I don’t think so.”
 
I knew exactly why I didn’t want a child now. Because it would require the Doctor’s help. He would find out the identity of my parents through analyzing my genetic material. I couldn’t take the risk.
 
“What do you think about waiting until we are back in the Alpha Quadrant?”
 
“Romy, it will take us a long time to get back. Or do you know something I don’t know? Did you find something?”
 
“Perhaps, but I am not sure about it. I have to analyze the data.”
 
Oh my god. Two weeks in front of us is the wormhole which would lead us back to the Alpha Quadrant. The wormhole which Harry Kim would have detected two years from now in my other timeline. The wormhole in which we will need the special hull alloy to travel safely through to the Alpha Quadrant.  In my other timeline Lauren would not invent the hull alloy for another two years.
 
Fate, destiny, kismet...
 
Kathryn Janeway, I love you so much. You have been a part of my life ever since I was born. Gretchen and Phoebe Janeway, Lauren and Seven always cherished you. They adored you.  For all of my life you were the almighty Captain Kathryn Janeway. But in this moment, your eyes full of hope; you are simply the woman I love. I don’t want to lie to you anymore.
 
“Take time, take care.”
 
Your answer is blunt. You don’t want to raise any hopes. I keep my mouth closed and don’t say anything to you. We go to bed. I get into bed first and lie on my left side.  You slip between the sheets and immediately curl up and spoon against my back.  As always, since we have shared this bed, we are both naked. We need to touch skin to skin.  I can feel your pubic hair against my lower back: Your hand searching and finding my breasts. I know what you want and I know what I want: Making love to each other.
 
I roll onto my back. You are kneeling between my legs. Your hands roam greedily over my body. I enjoy it. I love the feeling of you possessing me. I want to give you everything, whatever you demand. Your lips are on my nipples sucking, biting, relentless. After a while, your mouth is on my stomach, then between my legs. You kiss my inner thighs and your hands part my folds. I am so wet. I am so ready for you. Suddenly you are all over me. I feel the weight of your body on top of me. I hold you close. You kiss my lips and my jaw.  Then move your tongue to my earlobe. You stop and you look deep into my eyes. You are so beautiful when you are fully aroused. When your eyes are sparkling with passion and want.
 
“Romy, I need something.”
 
Your voice is a husky whisper. I know what you need. I have often told you to ‘Just do it’. But every time, you ask me if I want it too. You are so careful with me. You love me so much.
 
“I need it too.”
 
Then you take the strap-on dildo from the drawer. It is a special one. It is able to send sensations to your clit and feel as if it was a part of you and not some device. It also has a special function to ejaculate your juices inside me. I love the feeling when you fill me and I know you feel everything that I feel.
 
You  kneel between my legs again. Your fingers stroke my clit. The head of the dildo is positioned in front of my opening. I am so open and ready for you. You take your hand and turn my face. You need to look into my eyes when you glide into me. You do it, so slow and so tender. Sometimes you pull back and then slide into me even more slowly, again and again. I almost come when you do this. I know you enjoy it when the walls of my intimate channel surround you. You enter me completely. Your hands are now on my thighs. You need leverage so that you can thrust more strongly into me. But you wait for a long moment.  We do not move. We are both captured by this feeling. The internal muscles of my vagina relax. I am lost in the feeling of having you inside me. Than you move, little slow and deliberate thrusts into me. You want to arouse me further until I can take no more. You make me come with deep drawn sighs. My climax is long and very gentle. I can feel how my vagina produces more wetness. I try to pull you deeper inside me as I know that you love the feeling of my muscles massaging your clit through the dildo.
 
Your hands stroke and sooth my face. Your eyes are full of love for me. You place tiny kisses all over my face. So loving and so arousing again. I hold you close. I need full body contact. I wrap my legs around your hips. My hands grasp your arse. I press against you and I am coming again. I know you want it; you need it to heighten your own arousal. And I know you are in desperate need of release. But you always put my desires and needs first. You give me some moments to recover. Then you start moving in me again. First slow and gentle.  You can feel me open even more for you. Your thrusts become harder, quicker.
 
“Fuck me Kathryn!”
 
It is raw, it is violent.  I love it when you show no mercy. It hurts, but I love the pain. I never told you, but I love it when you ravish me like this. I am sure you would stop if you knew you were hurting me. But I want it so much, until my vagina cannot take any more, and has no resistance against your thrusts. I relax completely and I am so open and wide for you and I need you to come inside me.
 
Your breathing is heavy. You grunt. You are excited beyond anything. You tell me to come for you. You demand it. I give you everything. Abruptly, you stop your motions in me. You straighten up, grab my thighs and spread me even wider. You need to look at me when you fuck me. You need to see how you penetrate me. How I enjoy it when you love me like that.
 
“Yes Kathryn, come inside me”
 
You fuck me again, long and hard. Than you press so deep in me I know you are there.
 
“Kathryn, fill me with you juices. Shoot your essence into me.”
 
Than you come with a long scream. I can feel it, the dildo vibrates in me and now it conveys your orgasms into my body. You come what seems like countless times and I am coming with you. We rock helpless against each other.
 
We are both exhausted. Carefully you remove the dildo and toss it aside. You take me in your arms and whisper words of love in my ear. You are crying and I am crying too. You thank me for giving myself so completely to you. I am ashamed because I only gave you my body. I have not given you the truth. You know only what I want you to know about who I am. But I will tell you. I will tell you the whole truth. Soon.

 

***

 

Two days later Kathryn came back very late to our quarters. I lay on the couch and read a padd. She was very thoughtful and seemed a little withdrawn. I knew she had been in Lauren and Seven’s quarters to look after the baby.
 
I grew concerned and asked. “Something wrong with little Kathryn?”
 
Kathryn didn’t answer me immediately. She went over to the replicator and ordered coffee. She only took one gulp than she recycled it and went to her desk. She took a bottle of whiskey from the drawer and a glass. Slowly she filled the glass. For a while she turned the glass in her fingers before she drank.
 
 
Suddenly Kathryn yelled at me. “What have you done?”  Her eyes were stormy grey and angry. I had never seen her like this.
 
“I don’t know what you mean.”
 
“You know exactly what I mean. The doctor examined Kathryn-Rosemarie very thoroughly today. Her brain structure is not that of a normal human. Her brain appears to be far more advanced than is normal.  The doctor believes it is a side affect of the re-programming you did on Seven’s nanoprobes to heal her. I always wondered how you could develop a therapy so quick for Seven.  It apparently changed some of her genes and now the result is a baby with a…super brain.  She is so advanced that she may never live a normal life.”
 
Kathryn gulped the rest of the whiskey down. I was relieved for a moment. The doctor didn’t match our DNA, not yet. But I had to tell Kathryn the truth.
 
I took a deep breath and said. “I am Kathryn Hansen-Hamilton.”
 
It was out. Kathryn looked at me with disbelief and confusion. “What are you saying?  Wait. Don’t tell me you came from the future to bring Voyager home?’
 
I did not reply, but my face must have shown that she had guessed correctly.
 
Her eyes turned colder and even her voice was cold.  “What or who gives you the right to play with fate. Are you god?”
 
“No, I am not.  It was you Kathryn Janeway who started the whole thing.”
 
“Me? I don’t understand.”
 
***

Then I told her everything. Beginning with Lauren’s death in the first time loop, how Seven was devastated and Kathryn Hansen-Hamilton was deprived of a normal life. The former Kathryn Hansen-Hamilton had spent most of her time looking after Seven, who never fully recovered from Lauren’s death. She never worked for the Theoretical Propulsion Group like I did. And she was never interested in temporal mechanics.
 
“It hurt you so much to see Seven suffer. You loved her like a daughter. It was you, after all, who severed her connection to the collective, who mentored her, who taught her what it met to be human, and you still felt responsible for her. Especially after Lauren’s death.  Lauren requested that you take good care of Seven and Kathryn. So you decided to go back in time and save Lauren’s life.”
 
“Okay, I see. But why are you here now? It seems to me you had a normal life. You grew up with two wonderful mothers. I am sure they cared a lot for you and loved you more than everything. You had success in your life.”  She paused and then said sarcastically. “Oh, I forgot. Shall I address you from now on as Dr. Hansen-Hamilton or as Admiral Hansen-Hamilton? If you really were the leader of the TPG you must hold the rank of a Vice Admiral. I am really impressed with my godchild.”
 
“No reason to be sarcastic. You sacrificed your life to save Lauren.”
 
Kathryn was silent.
 
“By the way, normal life? You have no idea Kathryn Janeway. I lived in your shadow.  I can’t tell you how many times I heard, “Kathryn would be so proud of you, if she were here”. I lived in your house.  With your belongings and pictures of you surrounding me. I read your personal logs. I became obsessed with you. The almighty Captain Janeway.  The hero of the Delta Quadrant. I fell in love with you and I needed to know you, who you really were. So I decided to travel back in time.”
 
“What about the present repercussions your actions have caused? You said I started the whole thing. But I still don't see a need for your actions.”
 
“I cannot tell you now Kathryn. We have to get back to the Alpha Quadrant.”
 
She sighed and rubbed her temples, a sure sign she had a headache. “Leave me now Romy. Or should I say, Kathryn? I need to be alone. Maybe you should go to Lauren and Seven’s and explain this to them.”
 

***

I went to Lauren and Seven’s quarter. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t intend to cause a baby with super brain when I re-programmed Seven’s nanoprobes to save her life. Certainly, I had considered changing the genes of the baby.  But I never went that far. Was it an accident or was it fate? I had no idea how many time loops Kathryn Hansen-Hamilton was going through.  If I did something wrong the captain of the time travel ship would intervene. So it must be fate.
 
“Explain.”
 
Seven’s voice, normally so familiar, was now uncertain. I told them everything about the nanoprobes and that I only wanted to save Seven’s life and nothing more.
 
“I believe you.”  Lauren said in a calm voice.  “But I have a problem with one thing.  You said you studied mathematics and astrophysics. How did you obtain such an extensive knowledge about Seven’s physiology to be able to help her?  I didn’t think to ask you at the time as my only concern was that Seven was alive and safe. But now I wonder.”
 
“I am your daughter.”
 
This caused the same reaction in Seven and Lauren as it did in Kathryn.  Disbelief and confusion.  But they didn’t yell at me. I didn’t know if this was a good sign. Seven took a tricorder and scanned me.
 
“She is correct. She has the same genetic make up as Kathryn-Rosemarie.”  She looked at Lauren and said. “However, in Romy’s case, your genes dominated.  It appears my genes are dominant in Rosie’s case.  It seems I have the genius genes.”
 
Lauren wryly said. “Thank you darling, you are so nice to me.”
 
Seven lifted the implant over her left eye and smirked a little. “You are welcome.”
 
My mothers frequently liked to tease and joke with each other. I wanted to embrace them. I wanted to sit between them and snuggle with them like I did when I was a little child. Over the past six years I missed them terribly. I missed their two kisses.
 
“Obviously you must come from the future.” Lauren concluded. “Is it allowed to ask you why?”
 
I told them only the story of the second time loop.  I did not inform them of Lauren’s death as there was no reason that they needed to know this. When I finished, Seven yelled at me.
 
“I cannot believe that Lauren and I raised such a selfish child who crashed the whole universe so she could get to know Kathryn Janeway and have sex with her.”
 
“I am not selfish. I am here to save her life and I truly love her. There is more.  But not even you mother, with all your intelligence and your knowledge obtained from the Borg, would be able to understand it.”
 
“Don’t call me mother.”
 
“Would you two please stop?” Lauren cut in. “Rosie is sleeping you will wake her.“
 
It astonished me how quickly they decided on a nickname for Kathryn-Rosemarie.  And that they choose another form of my name to call her.
 
“I am sorry.” Seven apologized.
 
“What do we do now?” Lauren asked me.
 
“I have no idea. I have only a few instructions on how to continue, and to set the course of actions.”
 
It was true. The captain of the time travel ship didn’t give me a lot of information. He said the solution was to find in the Alpha Quadrant. And I had to save Kathryn’s life and bring Voyager home after my younger self was born.
 
The communication console in Lauren and Seven’s quarters beeped. Seven went over to it and after a few seconds she returned with a padd. “It is for you Romy, the captain sent you message.”
 
I read it with a sinking heart. Kathryn requested that I stay away from her for a while. She needed time to think about the events and about us. I could understand that.
 
Lauren and Seven looked at me. “Did she break up with you?” Lauren asked.
 
“She says she needs time to think and wants me to stay away for awhile.”
 
“If you like you can use our couch and live with us until we are back in the Alpha Quadrant.” Lauren said.
 
Seven approved and looked at me and said. “After all, we are family.”

It was nice to live with my mothers again. I was used to it as I lived with them in my other time line, so I knew what to expect and there were no problems. Over the last two years we had become friends and had a lot of in common.

 Lauren and Seven continued to adress me as Romy. Perhaps they were right. Kathryn Hansen-Hamilton existed in another time frame. In this time frame I was Romy Albach. A  crewmember of Voyager.

After only two days I missed Kathryn and ached for her.  She avoided me. I respected her decision to avoid contact with me. But it hurt so bad. I betrayed her trust in me. I lied to her. Perhaps we would never have any kind of close relationship again.

I was surprised that Kathryn invited Lauren, Seven and me for dinner in her quarters one week later. The atmosphere was tense. We didn’t talk a lot about over the main course.  Kathryn enquired after Rosie. Physically she was a normal baby but it seems she was very aware of her surroundings and focused on our words when we spoke to her.

I don’t know where to start.” Kathryn stated uncertainly. “I know I have to make a command decision and under normal circumstances I would dicuss this with the entire senior stuff. But in this case, it seems the decision belongs to us. I need your opinions.  Romy, I ... we need the whole story, not only pieces.”

It took me a moment to think about if I should tell them the whole story.  But after weighing all aspects, I decided to tell them all I knew.  Kathryn Janeway would make the right decision.

 I started with the first time loop. I talked about Lauren's death and how devasted Seven was. Lauren grabed Seven’s hand, tears in her eyes,  and whispered into her ear. “You love me that much?” They embraced each other and I stopped talking to give them time to recover. Then came the part of the story where Kathryn decided to change the time for Lauren, Seven and me. Seven and Lauren didn’t know what to say, they looked in awe at Kathryn.

Earlier, I had informed them all about the second time loop,which was my timeframe. Now came the difficult part: my meeting with the time travel ship from the 29th century. I talked about Rosie, who would take an active and necessary part in time travel.  And that it was necessary to protect Kathryn Janeway due to the influence she would have on her god child, Rosie.

"So, Kathryn is going to be a wise old granny to Rosie." Joked Lauren.

Janeway shot her a level ten stare and then said to me. “You told me I started the whole thing. I still have no idea how.”

“For me it’s logical.” We all looked at Seven who continued, “I believe your trip back in time was not complete, captain. You know the theory surrounding the bigbang-collapse-bigbang. This is the natural law of the universe. I believe you did not crash the entire universe to travel back in time. Perhaps you crashed only the milky-way. And this had fatal ramifications to the rest of the universe. I think it decreased the half-life period until the next crash.”

“Seven is right.” I adored my brilliant mother. “I crashed only the milky-way, this was a fatal error. Normally the history of the universe consists of  total collapse or crash of the entire space and not just parts to start the next bigbang. Before the universe collapses, the last advanced species sets the parameters for the next bigbang. This species is even far more advanced than the Q-continuum. But because of  your actions this species will never have the chance to develope as they do not have enough time to do so. And here is the part that Rosie plays. She will be the first of the new species. She will spend her life correcting our mistakes.”

We spent several minutes in silence thinking about this.

“You, Kathryn Janeway, are cause and effect."

Lauren and Seven left the quarters. Kathryn asked me to stay. This whole evening we tried to avoid any physical contact. But sometimes we accidently touched each other when Kathryn filled the glasses or we both reached for the bread at the same instance. Very often our knees touched too. The touching affected us both.
 
“So, I caused this whole mess.” Kathryn said.
 
“Don’t think so. You only accelerated events. Normally, the advanced species would appear in five million years.  Now it will be just a little bit sooner. A split second if you review the history of the whole universe.”
 
“Very comforting.”
 
“Kathryn, you can't be the almighty Captain Janeway all the time. And no one expects you to be. You are only  human. A human who makes mistakes and has faults like the rest of us. This is our fate, this is the essence of our being human. You couldn’t know about the repercussions of your actions. You acted how you had to act. Remember you changed the time for Seven, because you love her. You gave Seven, Lauren and me a wonderful and beautiful life. You gave me the chance to get to know you and to love you. This is all that counts. To love and to be loved. In the end you did everything right.”
 
“That simple? I was so mad at you.”
 
“Let me stay with you tonight. Let me stay with you until the end of time. Let me love you Kathryn Janeway.”
 
“You must really love me Romy.”
 
“I do Kathryn. I do.”
 
 
Conclusion
 
Voyager has been home for the past  25 years. Yesterday we had a big celebration. Today we needed rest. So we relaxed at Gretchen Janeway's farm. Lauren, Seven, Kathryn and I sat in front of the house. We spent the last 25 years very close to each other. We decided to share our knowledge about the events and future with Starfleet command.  They gave Kathryn her own science department in which to analyze the data Voyager gathered from the Delta Quadrant.
 
We are a small but fine group of scientist. We work together with other scientest all around the galaxy. The galaxy is now a small place since Lauren and Seven finished the slipstream drive some 25 years ago.
 
“Where is Rosie and Miral?” Lauren asked.
 
“I believe they are 'playing' in the barn.” Seven answered with a smirk.
 
“The old game. Rosie is the captain and poor Miral has to work in engineering and follow her orders.” I said with a smile on my face. ‘Making a girlfriend for Miral.’ I thought to myself.
 
Rosie grew up as a normal child and teenager. She sailed at slipstream speed through school and university.  She joined our group ten years ago. She is very close to a solution to harmonize the universe when the next collapse occurs and to set the parameters for the next bigbang. But there is plenty of time. The next collapse would occur millions of years after we cease to exist.
 
We now count only the beauty of the moment. It was still warm, very quit and peaceful. The sun set and we could see the first stars. Rosie and Miral came back from the barn with flushed faces and sat beside us. They were holding each other close, like Lauren and Seven, and Kathryn and me. Lauren humed a tune. Seven joined her. It was “Summertime” by George Gershwin.
 
I remembered this song from long ago.  It brought back  the moments when Lauren and Seven fell in love with each other. And perhaps, it was also the moment when Kathryn and I found each other. I looked into Kathryn's eyes to see if she remembered and found my answer.
She kissed me. Twice.
 
The End