It was late, long hours past midnight. She should have logged off duty long ago. Kathryn Janeway, Captain of Starship Voyager lost in the Delta Quadrant, was sitting in her ready rooms, about to complete another round of personnel reports. Determined to get it over with she hadn't noticed time go by and now as she closed the last one, she was on the verge of utter exhaustion. Rubbing her temples she let an audible sigh escape her lips and got up to leave. But not without taking a final look out of the windows at the stars passing by, sometimes colorful streaks, as Voyager sped through space towards the Alpha Quadrant.
"Will we ever make it back home?" A question that rarely came up her mind. As Captain she had to believe their return was possible; the entity Voyager and it's crew had become over the last years deserved a Captain that could take them back home and not question that possibility. She just had to believe they would make it; some way or the other. But at some rare moments just like this one, when she wasn't Captain, when she was just Kathryn Janeway, she felt tiny bits of uncertainty nag on her confidence.
"Home", she thought "just what meaning does this have here, far away from what home used to be? She stood by the translucent ship hull her gaze lost, not focused on something particular. "Voyager has become home for all of us", she knew with a confidence a Captain can have, but yet, there was a little sadness too, "I hope Seven has found Voyager to be her home at last. Not just adapting to the inevitable." With that thought occupying her mind she left her ready room for her quarters.
At the silent swoosh of the doors to her quarters opening, she found herself asking again "Home, is that home now? Then why doesn't it feel like home?" Kathryn stood in her living room suddenly feeling the urge to flee. Feeling confined within this walls that held no comfort to her but emptyness and silence. "I am alone, I am one" wasn't that Seven's plea to let her go when she had severed her link to the Borg collective? How did she feel now, Kathryn wondered. Die she still feel this loneliness sometimes, just like she experienced her emotional exhaustion right now.
Unable to let go of those thoughts she walked back out of her quarters, almost running. The walkways were empty at this late hour. Where should she go? She just walked, wanted to get away from her empty quarters where no one was waiting, no one to comfort her, to ease her emotional distress. "I am running from myself, is that what I am doing?" she questioned herself after long moments, "I am afraid to admit, that I am lonely, that I am not that strong inside as the Captain shows to the outside. Am I afraid to admit that I wish to be with someone right now, that i need someone to hold me, to comfort me, to help me feel confidence in our being able to find a way home".
She stopped her pace, "get a grip on yourself Kathryn", she urged herself, trying to rebuild the Captains strength and confidence, but she didn't quite succeed. She managed to turn around and head back to her quarters. This time trying to prepare herself for the emtyness awaiting her there. "I need at least an affair" she was slightly amused by that thought, "how long haven't I been with someone?" Bevor she had received the Dear Jane letter from her ex-fiance Mark she had had a reason for withholding, a source of emotional strenght. But the time since, she had found it increasingly difficult, not to long for somebody's touch. "Well, not just somehypotheticallybody's touch" she allowed herself this thought, "her touch" she mused silently. Her most secret thoughts and whishes, the ones she didn't dare to even admit openly to herself, were about her; Seven of Nine, formerly of the Borg Collective and now part of the collective that was Voyager.
"Maybe i should take a shower, a very cold shower" she allowed somewhat sarcastically. Instead she got undressed and into bed, trying to force her thoughts of Seven into oblivion. The silken sheets didn't help either -her skin ever so sensitive from craving for being touched. She couldn't help but moan in frustration, and becoming even more aroused. Thinking of Seven, her beautiful face, her perfectly shaped body, her lucious breasts, her ever so long legs "Gods, your so breathtakingly beautiful" she uttered to an imginary Seven - by that time she was panting heavily, worming her hand between her legs, feeling the moisture that had gathered there as a response to her thoughts.
She began to stroke herself, touching her folds with
her fingers, imagining it to be Seven exploring her. She cried out at her
penetrating herself. She could no longer go slowly, moving at a frantic pace,
the vision of Seven being with her at this very moment heightening her
sensations even more, until she climaxed and cried out her name with passion.
Exhausted she drifted off to sleep.