Another day without you...

***

Captain Kathryn Janeway sat at her ready room desk, her elbows resting on the smooth surface. Her head was dipped, her eyes closed. She rubbed at her temples, grimacing at the throbbing ache behind her eyes. A mug of coffee sat untouched in front of her, even the smell making her nauseous.

Never one to readily admit to physical weakness, Kathryn had secluded herself in her ready room two hours ago with a word to her Commander that she was not to be disturbed. In that time the originally dull ache had progressed to a level ten migraine.

Her face was cold and clammy against her hands and her insides felt as though they were quivering. Janeway knew this was more than a simple headache bought on by stress.

Voyager had spent the last three days orbiting Pestis IV as Neelix and she conducted negotiations with the local residents. The negotiations had been gruelling; they had however managed to secure some desperately needed supplies, and not before time. Relations between the two ruling parties on the planet were strained with several skirmishes having broken out during the time they were there. Her security officer had informed her that the military presence in the area was increasing and Janeway was relieved when the heads of state requested the discussions come to an end and Voyager be on its way.

They were direct enough to admit that Voyagers presence had acerbated internal problems and that if they remained they could not guarantee their safety. Ships from both leaders escorted them the two days to the edge of the Pestis system where they once again resumed their course for the Alpha quadrant, their pantries stocked to overflowing.

Neelix had arranged a party to celebrate and it was scheduled to begin in three hours. The last thing Kathryn felt like doing was socialising. She wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed and sleep. Except for maybe a bath: a nice, long, warm bath. She would contact the Doctor and ask him to meet her in her quarters.

Kathryn took a deep breath, preparing to stand. Pressing up off the desk she stood for a moment to gain her balance. Carefully restoring her command mask she crossed the space to her door. Nodding to her first officer she continued past him to the turbolift, not trusting herself to speak. As the door shut behind her she eased back on the wall beginning to doubt her ability to reach her quarters.

"Deck 3," she croaked to the computer and grimaced as the slight jerking motion caused her stomach to lurch. A short moment later the doors whooshed open and Janeway made a decision.

"Deck 5," she requested, and the lift continued towards sickbay.

She walked blindly along the corridor, black splotches marring her vision. The short walk seemed to take forever and as Janeway entered sickbay she realized immediately that she was not alone. Each of the three biobeds were already occupied and two crewmembers currently sat on the primary bed in front of her, leaning against each other for support.

The holographic doctor fluttered around the room, his face lined with concern. He turned to her as he heard the doors open, his expression upon seeing his Captain a mixture of relief and concern.

"What's going on, Doctor?" Janeway asked, and she was relieved to hear the steady tone of her voice.

"Captain! I was just about to contact you. I have had a dozen calls in the past hour of crewmembers complaining of severe headaches, and now this!" he gestured expansively around sickbay.

"What's wrong with everyone?" Janeway asked, having a pretty good idea of their symptoms. She wished for an empty bed where she could lay down before her feet refused to carry her any longer.

"I don't know!" The Doctors voice raised an octave, revealing his concern.

Spying an empty chair, Janeway headed towards the Doctors private office. The balding gentleman, thinking she wanted to discuss the situation in private, trailed one step behind her.

"Captain! You're ill." he stated suddenly.

"I know that, Doctor," Kathryn fought to compose herself. "Tell me what you have discovered so far." She was worried; in such confined quarters it was difficult to prevent a virus from spreading once it got a firm hold. If they didn't identify the problem immediately then things could get serious.

"Very little," he started, already running a diagnostic tool over the Captain. "Each of my patients is exhibiting a dangerous drop in blood pressure and an increase in aldosterone. Neither of which is serious enough to be causing the symptoms they are displaying." He made a few enquiries of the medical tricorder he was holding and continued with his scans.

"Do you think we may have contracted something from Pestis IV?" she asked thinking it the most likely answer.

"I'm not entirely sure, Captain. I have been unable to locate any traces of a viral agent, but I'm not ruling anything out at this stage... this is unusual," he said in a tone that immediately made the Captain nervous.

"What is, Doctor?"

"Your cell membranes are deteriorating." He walked to the wall monitor in front of her and entered his findings, displaying a twirling... something on the screen. Human biology had never been her strong point and she looked to the Doctor to explain.

"Here, and here," he pointed. "The membrane is breaking away from the nucleus at an alarming rate." He looked up at the other occupants and dashed back into sickbay. Running a scan over Ensign Sathai from security he shook his head at the findings. Janeway watched as he repeated the procedure again and again.

The Doctor headed back towards his office, his face grim. As he passed the doors to sickbay, they opened with a hiss admitting Samantha Wildman and a barely conscious Neelix draped partly over her shoulder. The EMH rushed to assist her. Having nowhere else to put his new patient he lowered him carefully to the floor.

Ensign Wildman looked around her clearly flustered by the number of people present. Turning her attention to Neelix and the Doctor she spoke quietly placing her hand reassuringly on the moral officers’ shoulder. Kathryn considered approaching the group to offer what support she could, but she doubted very much that she could find the energy to move that far, despite her growing concern.

The roar of her blood travelling through her veins made it impossible for her to think clearly and she knew there was something she should be doing… something she had forgotten. She fought desperately to grab the elusive thought, her eyes squinting in concentration. Just as she thought she had it, the world went blank.

***

The voice of her first officer boomed through her skull, making every inch of her brain echo and vibrate. She couldn't make out the words, just the noise, and she wished she could tell him to be quiet.

Something cool brushed against her forehead and she tried to identify it. It was firm but not as solid as metal. A second point of pressure joined the first leaving a cool trail behind them as they travelled, disappearing into her hair just above her ear.

Gradually convincing her eyes to open, Kathryn saw Seven of Nine standing beside her bed, the Doctor and Commander Chakotay engaged in a discussion behind her. Despite the fact that she felt like she had been caught in a meteor shower, Kathryn smiled at the look of concern on Seven's face.

"Morning," she tried to say, the word coming out as little more than a wheeze.

"Good morning, Captain. I am glad to see you are awake," Seven spoke softly as if aware that her Captain's senses were overly acute at the moment.

"Ahhh, our Captain has returned." The Doctor approached the biobed, motioning for Seven to step out of the way. Kathryn felt the gentle massaging of her temple stop as the young woman stepped to one side and she wondered if she had been imagining it.

"How are you feeling, Captain?"

"Never better, Doctor," she rasped thinking the question ridiculous.

"Yes, well, you'll let me be the judge of that," the Doctor continued somewhat piqued.

"How is my crew?" she asked, concern for her ship and her people outweighing any she had for herself.

The Doctor's tone turned serious as he spoke “More than half the crew have come down with the initial symptoms. I have confined all nonessential crew to their quarters but... I'll be honest with you, Captain, I can't determine how this infection is spread and I haven't been able to develop a treatment."

"I see," she thought for moment going over what he had told her. "Prognosis?"

"The virus seems to target living matter at the cellular level. Eating away at the cell membrane until the nucleus just dissipates," as he spoke he gradually opened his fist before wiggling his fingers in demonstration.

"Thank you, Doctor for that visual description." Janeway propped her elbows under her, attempting to sit up. A pair of hands pressed against her back, assisting her upwards.

"Captain, you really should remain lying down." The hands paused in their upward motion as Seven of Nine considered the Doctor's words.

"I don't have that luxury, Doctor. How long?" she asked. Everyone knew to what she was referring.

"I'm not sure. A day, maybe less." The Doctor refused to make eye contact as he spoke.

"Then I have work to do. Help me up."

Seven complied, assisting her Captain into a sitting position with her legs draped over the side of the biobed.

Looking over at her first officer, Kathryn realized that he too was sick. His face was a pasty white, making the tattoo on his forehead stand out in contrast. He stepped closer under her scrutiny.

"We're doing everything we can, Captain," he spoke, both officers recognising the futility in that statement.

"How many of the senior staff are sick?" she asked, fearing the answer.

"Seven of Nine, Tuvok, and myself are the only ones not affected so far."

"Seven of Nine and Tuvok are the only ones not affected so far," the Doctor corrected from across the room. Chakotay almost smiled.

"Return to your quarters, Commander. Tell Tuvok he has command until further notice."

"Yes Ma'am." Chakotay replied.

Kathryn wondered if it was crunch time already.

A brief nod to the EMH and Chakotay departed, his steps measured until he rounded the corner. Leaning heavily against the bulkhead for support, he took several deep breaths before continuing along the corridor.

***

Over the last eight hours the Doctor had run every scan and every test he could think of. He knew what damage was being done but he couldn't determine the cause of the damage or a way to halt its progress.

He doubted the virus or whatever it was had been contracted on Pestis IV, or if it had, then they too would now be suffering much as Voyager's crew were. It seemed indiscriminate in its choice of victims with even the cells of the plants in the botanics lab gradually decaying.

It would take them the better part of three days to return and the Captain had been hesitant to send Voyager back where there was the potential for combat with the majority of her crew incapacitated.

He felt helpless to treat his patients having had to confine every crewmember to their quarters. While initially hesitant to treat them all without further understanding the nature of the virus, he had had to revert to treating the symptoms empirically. After administering painkillers and a mild relaxant to help them sleep, he had asked the computer to monitor all life signs and inform him of any changes.

Fifteen minutes ago he had transported himself to the bridge after the computer signalled an alarm. Lt. Commander Tuvok lay slumped in the command chair. Obviously determined to remain at his post he had passed out on the bridge.

The Captain was in and out of consciousness every hour or so despite her repeated attempts at leaving sickbay. He dreaded having to inform her that every member of her crew had become a victim of this plague- even Seven of Nine, although she reported experiencing only minor discomfort. Her nano-probes continued to fight the invader and the Doctor hoped he may be able to gain some clue as to its treatment by analysing the battle currently being fought within the former Borg drone.

Several possibilities had presented themselves, all without success, yet he continued to try. Seven remained with him in sickbay, standing vigil over the Captain should she wake. The holographic man looked up from his experiments to look at the two women.

Seven was standing at the Captain's head, looking down at the small woman who seemed so frail as she slept. The young woman's lips were moving although even the Doctor's keen hearing couldn't pick up what she was saying. He was surprised to see her reach out and brush a strand of the Captain auburn hair off her face, the tenderness in that action so unlike the Seven he knew. She smiled then and the Doctor realized that the Captain had woken again. Sighing, he left the confines of his office.

***

"How are things progressing, Doctor?" the Captain asked as soon as she noticed the return of her EMH.

"I am continuing with my research. I believe I have found an avenue worth investigating," the lack of optimism evident in his voice. "Commander Tuvok has been relieved of duty," he continued hesitantly.

"I have to get to the bridge," the Captain said, realising that no one was in command of her ship. She sat up once again, this time Seven attempted to restrain her, encouraging her to lie down.

"There's nothing you can do, Captain. You need to rest, reserve your strength."

Janeway had led her crew through Borg space and Kazon militia, they had battled some of the most powerful races in Starfleet history, encountered space-time distortions that had threatened to tear the ship apart, and they had survived. Janeway refused to give up now because of some overgrown head cold.

"I have a responsibility to this ship and her crew, Doctor," she put every ounce of her will into mustering the command voice she knew could bring ensigns to their knees.

The Doctor merely rolled his eyes and stepped away from the bed, motioning with his arm that she was free to leave.

If he was right and they did indeed have less than a day before this virus destroyed all the living tissue in their bodies, she refused to spend her remaining hours flat on her back in sickbay.

"I will accompany you," Seven informed her.

The Captain shot a look of victory towards the Doctor. "Is there anything you can give me to slow the degradation or perhaps help to clear my head?" she questioned.

"Not without complications. I could administer 20ccs of an iprovelene-hyronalen serum but I am unsure of the long term side effects," he spoke slowly, accessing his systems for possible paths of action.

"Long term side effects!" the Captain drawled. "What long term effects, Doctor? Your best estimates have me dead by this time tomorrow!" Kathryn regretted both her tone and her words as soon as they left her mouth. She was tired; her body spasmed, her head ached, and her crew were dying, but being rude never solved anyone's problems.

"You're right, Captain," he admitted, preparing the hypospray.

"I'm sorry, Doctor," she started to speak only to have the Doctor shake his head.

"I understand." His expression was one of compassion. "I may need to run further tests, on both you and Seven. If you could remain together I will come to the bridge if I need you."

"Understood, Doctor," she waited while he administered the hypo. Seven moved to stand at her side, assisting her to stand. She felt considerably better as the drugs spread through her system, but she allowed the hand to remain on her arm.

"Contact me if you make any progress, Doctor."

"Of course, Captain," he replied, but the two women were already halfway out the door.

***

The bridge was eerily quiet as they stepped off the turbolift and it reminded Seven of the weeks she had spent alone on Voyager while the rest of the crew was in stasis. She had never in her life felt so alone, so disconnected, and she was afraid that the Captain was going to leave her alone once again.

Seeing the woman whom she had considered all but invincible, weakened so dreadfully by this virus seemed to shatter her beliefs. While she knew that the Captain was only human, she so often seemed much more than that. Seven wondered if all the crew felt that way or if her own feelings for the Captain clouded her judgement.

She could feel more strength in the Captain's steps now, yet she was hesitant to remove the hand she had wrapped protectively around the smaller woman's upper arm. The physical contact seemed too important to lose. Moving as one onto the bridge, they both focused on the viewscreen. The stars were still as Voyager sat motionless, halted in her path home.

After a moments silence, Seven felt the Captain move. She had bought her hand up to touch Seven's, loosening the grip. She reluctantly let go only to have the Captain entwine their fingers together. Seven realized suddenly that they were holding hands. That small act seeming so significant to the former drone.

Janeway led them both across the deck as she took her place in the Captain's chair, dragging Seven into the seat beside her.

"You know, when I was first given command of Voyager, I came up here one night and just sat by myself, getting accustomed to the feel of the ship," Kathryn started. Seven remained silent, waiting for her to continue.

"She's a good ship with the finest crew I have ever had the honour of commanding."

Seven watched the emotions play across her face. She wished desperately for something to say to reassure this woman who had come to mean everything to her. But nothing in her limited experience could comprehend what she was going through.

"I refuse to let them die like this," Janeway finished and, after a breath, she turned from the viewscreen and leant her head back in her chair angling her body so that she was facing her companion.

"I am sorry, Seven," she whispered.

"Sorry for what, Captain?"

"For breaking your link with the Collective, for exposing you to this virus, for robbing you of your life," as she spoke, the grip on her hand tightened as if by holding on she could somehow stop her from slipping away.

"You gave me my life, Captain. If it were not for you I would never have had this chance to experience humanity. Do not be sorry for something that I am thankful for every time I look at you."

Kathryn seemed to take a deep breath as she turned away from Seven, pressing the back of her head into the chair and closing her eyes.

"I have faith in the Doctor's ability to find a cure. You must not abandon hope." Seven spoke with determination, despite the fact that she was aware her own nanoprobes were being slowly overwhelmed by the microscopic threat.

They remained together on the bridge, their entwined hands resting on the Captain’s lap, for quite some time. They spoke of Kathryn's childhood in Indiana and Seven's progress adapting to life on Voyager. On two separate occasions, Seven had made the Captain laugh: a deep, throaty laugh that seemed to echo in Seven's stomach, making the Borg feel almost light-headed. Seven committed that sound to memory.

The Doctor visited them once to obtain more of Seven's nano-probes and if he thought it odd that his Captain and Voyager's astrometrics officer should be holding hands, he didn't comment.

Apparently, the Bolian Yeoman Tse'al had taken a critical turn and the Doctor was monitoring his condition closely. His sudden deterioration though had given the Doctor an idea and he was somewhat more hopeful of finding a treatment.

As soon as the turbolift doors closed behind the Doctor, Seven turned back to her Captain.

"Then there is still hope," she said with a small smile.

***

Kathryn half reclined on the couch in her ready room, her back pressed against the warmth of Seven of Nine. Neither were feeling the best; Seven's body was starting to give in to the virus, and the medication the Doctor had given the Captain was beginning to wear off. They had retired to the Captain's ready room and now shared the large couch with Seven sitting slightly behind the Captain, their legs extending along the length of the cushions.

Resting her head back against Seven's shoulder she wondered at the comfortable companionship between them. The affection she had always felt for the remarkable young woman had increased tenfold in the past day and she keenly regretted having lost the opportunity to tell her how much she cared.

In the past she had always maintained her distance. The protocols and rules of conduct she had been exposed to all her life telling her that it was wrong for a Starfleet Captain to pursue a romantic relationship within her crew. She admitted that Starfleet didn't exactly have her situation in mind when they made up that particular rule, but her training was too well ingrained for her to go against it.

It all seemed so unimportant now. The times she had taken a step backwards when she thought she might have been starting to feel a little too much. The practised speeches quoting propriety and responsibility that she repeated to herself every now and again. When weighed against what she might have had, the love they could have shared... She made it a habit never to second-guess herself, it was something a Captain could not afford to do, but right now, with her future so uncertain, a thousand what-ifs plagued her.

Kathryn wondered if it were possible that Seven returned her feelings. Sometimes she thought that maybe she did, but that thought had always frightened her. Did Seven truly understand what it was to love someone? Maybe she did, but either way, Seven needed someone who was able to give her the time and attention she deserved- not a Starfleet Captain who first priority was, and always would be, her ship.

"Are you alright, Captain?" Seven asked quietly, her breath tickling against Kathryn's ear.

"Yes, Seven, why do you ask?"

"You have not spoken in 22 minutes. I was beginning to worry."

"I'm still here," she said only half jokingly.

"I am aware of that, I can feel the rise and fall of your chest and hear the beat of your heart. I was concerned that you were upset."

The Doctor had informed them approximately 25 minutes ago that he had lost Yeoman Tse'al. As the minutes ticked by Kathryn wondered how many more of her crew she would fail, as she lay idly in her ready room powerless to help them. She was unable to stand now, her heart too weak to be able to fight against gravity to merely pump the blood through her veins.

"Do you ever have regrets, Seven?" Kathryn asked hesitantly, the question so unlike her normally confident self.

Seven didn't answer immediately and when she did, Kathryn could hear the emotion in her voice.

"Regrets are irrelevant."

Kathryn couldn't help but smile at the predictable answer.

"I regret that Yeoman Tse'al will never see his home again. I regret that Voyager never made it home to the Alpha quadrant."

"It is not the destination that is important, Captain, it is the journey," Seven responded.

The Captain merely snorted in reply. "I told you that."

"Yes, you did. If the Doctor is unsuccessful in his attempts to devise a cure, I will regret that our journey together was not longer." Seven stared at the wall as she spoke, unable to look at the woman she almost cradled in her arms.

Kathryn remained silent, afraid that if she tried to speak, she would lose the composure she was fighting so hard to maintain. She felt weak and dizzy and she realized the Doctor was running out of time. Seven must have somehow felt the change in her attitude, because she wrapped her arms around the Captain’s shoulders, gently hugging her.

"If the Doctor is unsuccessful, will you arrange to have my body put in stasis, on the chance that Voyager does make it home without me," she requested at her most melancholy.

"I do not wish to live another day without you," Seven whispered.

A silent tear escaped Kathryn's eyes and trailed down her cheek. She knew, too well, how Seven felt. She had found it impossible to imagine a future without Seven and had risked her life and the lives of everyone on Voyager to prevent just that when the Borg Queen had taken this beautiful young woman from her.

"I believe I love you, Captain." Seven's voice was strained. Kathryn realized she was crying. Unable to hold back her own tears Kathryn turned and, wrapping her arms around her thin form, buried her face against her throat.

"Oh, Seven. I love you, too. More than anything." She kissed the soft skin of Seven's neck. "I should have told you that a long time ago."

"Why didn't you?"

"I was afraid. I foolishly told myself that it was wrong for me to have feelings for you."

"And now...?" Seven asked, tightening her hold.

Kathryn lifted her head from the safety of Seven's embrace wanting to see her face as she spoke. "Now, I'm still afraid, but I'd be an even bigger fool if I denied the truth."

Seven's eyes shone with unshed tears. Kathryn wished she could kiss her, at least once, to feel the softness of her lips… but she was too far away. Preparing to lift herself, determined to do that one small thing, she closed her eyes and gathered her strength.

A hand on her cheek caused her to open her eyes, as Seven ever so slowly closed the distance between them. Seven kissed her once, and then again. Small inquisitive kisses that were so like Seven. Gradually, Kathryn deepened the kiss, holding Seven against her with as much strength as her arms would give her. Seven responded immediately, refusing to relinquish her lips for an instant as the two woman poured all the love they had felt for one another into that single moment.

As Kathryn felt her breath leaving her, she sent a silent prayer of thanks to whatever deity had given her this chance.

***

Chakotay's voice battled with the Doctor's and again she felt the cool smoothness of Seven's fingers as they brushed against her forehead and tangled in her hair. Kathryn imagined she was reliving her last day as her spirit left her body, and she was glad that it was this day that she would take with her. Wishing the dream would speed up to where she was safe in Seven's arms, she tried to leap forward.

The movement caused a flurry of activity around her and she realized that she wasn't dreaming. She was alive. Seven was alive.

Opening her eyes she pushed herself up, and was relieved to feel the strength returning to her limbs despite her exhaustion. Seven smiled an odd smile at her and both the Doctor and her first officer pushed their way closer.

"Captain!" the Doctor almost shouted, "Everything is fine," he reassured her.

"My crew?" she demanded.

"Safe and sound. The majority are just beginning to regain consciousness however some of the crew are already up and about." Understandable relief coloured his tone.

"Thank you, Doctor," she replied, laying back down on the biobed. "I'll get you to tell me the whole story in a moment, but right now, I'm afraid I need to sleep."

"The Doctor has recently given you a sedative," Seven commented, which explained the way she was feeling.

"Will you stay with me for a moment?" Kathryn asked quietly, embarrassed to be revealing so much of herself in front of Chakotay and the Doctor but not wanting Seven to leave.

"As long as you want me to," the young woman replied.

The two men left them alone.

***

end.