Part 3

Katherine didn't bother to turn on the lights when she entered her quarters. She shed her uniform, and headed for the shower. The hot water sluicing over her head hid the tears that slid noiselessly down her face. She couldn't decide if they were tears of loss, regret, humiliation, or relief. She only knew she was crying and that she couldn't face the crew right now.

She couldn't walk out among the masses when she felt like a fool. When she knew they would be watching her for signs of weakness, of strain. They needed her to be strong and she didn't feel very strong at the moment. It was her own fault. She had let her guard down and had been burned. Not burned. Singed. Katherine had known from the beginning that her relationship with Tom would be short lived. That it was a fling. That didn't stop her from being angry that she had let herself care too much. That she now had to re-establish a non-biased authority over Tom. But it was her own fault. Katherine shut the water off and reached for a towel. When she was dry she put on clean uniform pants and a turtle neck. She sat on her couch an stared into the darkness.

Her anger seemed a living thing, in front of her floating. It's red coils writhed behind her eyes and she couldn't figure out where it was coming from. Only that it was there and she had to deal with it. Katherine's eyes flashed open when her door chimes rang, loud and clear in the silence. She was about to send whoever it was away when Seven's voice sounded through the door.

"Captain? Are you there?"

"Come in, Seven." The doors slid open and Seven walked from the square of light from the hallway into the semi-darkness created by it. She was completely shrouded in blackness when the doors slid shut.

"Captain?" She sounded lost and Katherine turned the lights up. Seven could see the questions in Katherine's eyes. And the confusion. And the anger.

"Did you want something?"

-Only you.- "I came to see if you were alright."

"I'm fine."

"Hmmm." The comment ended there an Seven reached past her urge to enclose Katherine in her comfort. "I have a distraction for you." She didn't wait for Katherine to admit that she wasn't completely all right. It would be hard and it was easier to accept the fact and move on.

"I don't need a distraction. I just need some time." The significance of the words was not missed by either of the women. Seven ignored them.

"Trust me." She silently waited for the captain to answer her. Seven walked out the door when Katherine stood up, expecting her to follow.

"Where are you taking me?" Katherine's voice was laced with curiosity and confusion. Seven only smiled grimly. When they reached the holodec, she stopped and touched the console.

"Computer, load program Seven-sigma-three." She walked into the holodec and looked back at Katherine. "Are you coming?"

"Yes." Katherine looked around at the dim room. The walls were made of various materials, with the most prominent one made of cement. There was a table in the center of the room with a large assortment of dishes of many textures laid out. Seven watched Katherine take in the room.

"Go ahead." Seven gestured to the table.

"And what?" Katherine glanced at the woman standing in the corner.

"Throw them. Any where."

"Throw them?"

"The dishes. Yes." Katherine looked skeptical. "You'll feel better." Seven's smile was tiny as Katherine tentatively reach for a large crystal glass. Katherine looked at it and then back at Seven, who could see the tension in the fingers holding the glass. She knew Katherine needed this. Seven nodded towards the wall. She closed her eyes as the glass hit the wall and shattered. She opened them again when she heard Katherine's small grunt of pleasure.

Seven's small intake of breath was unheard as another glass hit the wall. She was stunned at the anger that was radiating from Katherine's face, the pure emotion that made her breathtakingly beautiful. It made her look dangerous as well, but the beauty was unmistakable. She was throwing plates and dishes in earnest now, almost in a frenzy.

Katherine was silent in her anger. She didn't need to say anything, it shone out of her eyes; the anger directed at herself, at the crew for forcing her to isolate herself, at the delta quadrant itself. Seven had no idea how she knew the source of Katherine's anger, only that she could hear it clearly in her mind. She wondered if Katherine could hear Seven supporting her and saying 'I love you' as well.

Katherine reached for the last plate on the table. She stared at it, and then turned to Seven. "Do you come here often? To... throw plates?"

"No. Only when I need to."

"Hmmm." She threw the last plate and sank to the floor, her head in her hands. A brief flash of shared pain rushed through Seven and she walked over to where Katherine was sitting, lost in her own thoughts. She stroked Katherine's hair and wrapped her arms around her. Katherine stiffened before settling back in to the warm embrace, feeling safe and comforted. She had no more anger left and the emotions that were running through her, caused by Seven's touch, were disturbing. "Why are you doing this"

"Why am I doing what?" Seven sat back against a leg of the table and pulled Katherine with her. They sat quietly like that for a few minutes, before sighed and Seven felt her stiffen.

"Why did you bring me here?" Katherine pulled herself out of the arms that were starting to cause strange tracks of heat to run up her back and along her nerves. Her overworked emotions backed away from any explanation of them.

"I recognized the emotion in your eyes. It was pure anger and it needed an outlet." Seven already missed the feeling of Katherine pressed against her. The ache in her arms made them feel heavy and unmovable.

"And this is your outlet?"

"Yes. It's quiet, private. Here you can yell and scream and no one will talk, no one will take you aside. And no one has to know that you -are- angry. Your emotions will not be public knowledge because these walls are your only witnesses."

"I see. So you do let things get to you; they do reach behind that impassive mask."

Seven only looked back at Katherine. She wasn't going to justify that remark with a response. If Katherine chose to misunderstand her, then let her. If she needed to deny that Seven was a thinking, feeling being, then let her. Even if it did make her heart turn inside out. Seven didn't realize that the pain caused by Katherine's remark was written plainly on her face. She only knew that Katherine's face softened and she reached out and touched Seven's face. Seven turned her head and kissed the inside of Katherine's palm before rising and walking out of the Holodec. Katherine still sat, stunned and staring at the doors, when her comm badge beeped and Chakotay's voice came over the air.

"Captain, I have contacted the representatives of Zaelon."

"Zaelon?" Her thoughts were slow to collect themselves.

"The -camping- planet."

"Oh, yes. And?"

"They sent some literature about the dangers on the planet and said to have fun. They directed us to the safest continent that is furthest from the one that is inhabited."

"Great. Notify the rest of the crew."

"Yes. And Captain?" He sounded unsure.

"Yes?"

"Umm, since you are, umm, alone..." He dragged out the last syllable, making it perfectly clear what he was asking.

"What?" She didn't feel like making this easy for him.

"Do you want to come on my nature walk with me? Tuvok will be coming as well." The words came out in a rush, as if he was afraid she would refuse of misunderstand the offer.

"That sounds fine Chakotay. Tell me when and where." She ignored the voice telling her who she -really- wanted to be with. Her palm was still tingling.

When Chakotay was finished, she got up off the floor and exited the holodec. Her mind was still in a whirl when she reached her quarters. She asked for the time and was shocked that only forty-five minutes ago, she had been sitting here in the dark. Forty-five minutes for her whole world to spin out of control. One small kiss. Not a lot. Not a cause for crisis. The conflict came when Katherine acknowledged how familiar the heat was. How familiar the desire she felt when Seven had touched her felt.

Katherine couldn't trace back when this had started. How long had she been stamping on the feelings groping for the surface. Ignoring them. Silencing the voice that whispered in her ear every time Seven walked in the room. The answers wouldn't focus. Only one thing was clear; Seven obviously didn't hate her.

<*><*>

When Harry notified her that they had arrived at the planet, she grabbed her small pack and headed for the transporter room. She tried to leave the pounding headache and Seven's image in her quarters, but they followed her and she was distracted when she met up with Chakotay and Tuvok in the hallway.

"All set?" Chakotay was relaxed and excited. His easy smile took in her white knuckled grip on her pack and her ramrod straight posture and he frowned "Are you all right?" Tuvok turned away from a crew member he had been speaking to at the question.

"Captain?" His Vulcan eyebrow raised at her questioningly.

"I'm fine. Just anxious to be off this ship for a while." The nervous flutters in her stomach calmed down. She really needed to get out and interact with people who weren't going to tie her emotions in a knot. She smiled and grilled Chakotay and Tuvok on their plans for this outing. They relaxed visibly and she smiled at them again. She heard more crew members coming around the corner. The butterflies took flight , pulling the knots tight, when she recognized the low sultry tones of Seven of Nine, and Harry. Tom also came around the corner, smiling, at Harry's side.

"Come on, Seven, you'll have fun." Harry was obviously trying to convince her to join them planet-side. She appeared to consider it for a few moments and then assented.

"Fine." She smiled at Harry as he took her arm and hugged it.

"Oh good." He smiled slyly at her. "You can show us all the survival skills you learned the last time you went for a hike." He looked up at her through innocent eyes, angling his head so he was looking through his eye lashes.

"You are teasing me again, Ensign Kim." Seven smiled and then frowned when she looked up and noticed Katherine staring at her. It was too soon and the barely banked fire flared to life in her eyes. Seven watched as the warming emotions in Katherine's eyes were quickly shuttered. Seven raised an eye brow at her, the pain in her eyes barely hidden, and turned back to Harry.

Katherine looked at this taciturn woman who she coming to realize meant more to her than anything, breathing slowly out through suddenly tense lips. She turned back to Chakotay. "Let's go, shall we?" Her voice was stilted and Chakotay frowned at Tuvok. They followed Katherine slowly into the transporter room, both wondering what was going on.

<*>

Seven had the sudden urge to run off and cry, but rejected the childish notion. She had gambled and lost. She felt better when she realized that she had not gambled much. Yes, it hurt, like Hell had opened up, swallowed her, and spit her back out, unwanted, and burned, but Seven would recover.

It amazed Seven that she was still functioning since the last time anything had hurt this much-Had it only been six days?-she had tried to run and never come back. The six days felt like six months. Seven took a quick breath as something else occurred to her. If it was possible, she loved Katherine even more. As if, by admitting it, she had opened new depths for the love to permeate. She knew she loved Katherine with every fiber in her being. It was by a strange twist of fate that this caused misery rather than happiness. Harry tugging on her arm brought her out of herself, and she smiled grimly at him.

"Come on, let's go." Harry pulled Seven with him. Tom was ahead of them and was already standing on the transporter platform.

In her current mood, Seven wasn't feeling too enthusiastic about spending the afternoon with Tom and Harry. Their happiness made her bitterness sharper. She could never have what they have. Seven shook herself and firmly tried to convince herself she didn't care. Before she knew it the trees of the planet were materializing in front of her. She ignored most of Tom and Harry holding hands and striding in front of her.

"Which direction should we take?" Tom looked left and right and then back at Harry.

"I don't care. What do you think, Seven?" He looked back at her, blithely ignoring her tight expression and slightly ill glare.

"Whatever way you wish, Ensign Kim." Her cold eyes looked back at Harry and he smiled at her. 'Fine, be that way,' his eyes seemed to say. He pulled Tom left and she followed obediently.

-I wonder what Katherine is doing.- A tremor of pain sliced her throat. -I don't care.- Seven walked on, trying not to notice that Harry and Tom were walking closer and closer together. She studied the trees and the path and the birds in minute detail. She stopped and looked up when she realized that the two ahead of her were not exploring the planet, but had stopped to explore the insides of each other's mouths. Her eyes snapped in disgust and her mouth settled into a flat line. When they pulled back, she was already reaching for her comm badge.

"One to beam up." She smiled tightly when Harry and Tom turned surprised eyes to her. "You two obviously want to be alone." Seven nodded at Harry's guilty expression, already disappearing into nothingness.  

The dim interior of Voyager greeted her and she had to blink several times after the sunlight on the planet. The hallways were pleasantly empty. Everyone was either working or planet side. She briskly walked to her quarters but only paced the outer walls until she couldn't stand it any more. She stopped and took off her comm badge and left it on the table, heading out the door. There was no one around to watch Seven nearly run to the holodec, her face so rigidly controlled it seemed about to break. There was no one to hear the faint sounds of breaking glass that were not nearly contained by the closing doors, or the screaming sobs accompanying them. Seven of Nine heard nothing but her own keening thoughts.

-What have I done?- -I will tell you what you've done. You have stepped too far from the edge and fallen and the only thing to break your fall was a bed of spikes. There will never be anyone to catch you. Face it-

Seven sat down and leaned against the wall. -I can't. I just can't.- She closed her eyes tightly but still a few tears escaped. Seven felt like she was in shock. Katherine had slipped so far past her defenses, even thought of functioning normally seemed too much.

<*><*>

Katherine walked resolutely behind Chakotay and Tuvok. They were both examining the surrounding trees and greenery and comparing to other world plant life. Chakotay was, at the moment, searching for the perfect spot to sit and commune with this very nature.

"I will know it when I see it. Trust me." He grinned and it revealed that he was enjoying the search too much to end it soon.

"Humph!" Katherine was getting impatient for some of the peace and calm he and Tuvok had promised. Seven's image was still dancing just outside her vision and the tension it was causing made Katherine jumpy. She stumbled when, an hour and a half later, Chakotay stopped and spread his arms wide, gesturing at the clearing he had found.

"This is it." He breathed out in awe of the beauty surrounding them.

"I agree. It is quite satisfactory." Tuvok moved slowly into the roughly round dip in the forest floor. The bowl was surrounded by trees and carpeted with moss and small flowers. Tuvok spread some blankets on the ground in a circle and sat on one. He started positioning small sticks he had gathered to form a small fire. One small spurt of his phaser and the small flame was flickering brightly. Chakotay joined Tuvok on another blanket and looked up at Katherine. She held back.

Katherine had to admit the clearing was lovely and peaceful, but she discovered she didn't want peace. She needed to keep moving. "I think I will hike a little farther. I am enjoying the scenery." She started to move away.

"All alone?" The worry coloring Chakotay's voice had Katherine raising her hand in protest. Tuvok was nodding his agreement.

"I'll be fine. I think I will just find another group and hike with them. You to enjoy your meditating." Both of the men's faces registered hesitancy, but they let her go. She waited until she was out of sight and earshot before speaking in to her comm badge. "Captain Janeway to Ensign Kim."

"Uh, Captain?" came over her comm moments later. Harry sounded out of breath and she wondered if they were hiking uphill.

"Yes. I was hoping to join you. If that's okay." Muffled conversation came over her comm and she wondered what was going on.

"That should be fine Captain."

"Thank you. Voyager? Please transport me to Ensign Kim's position." She didn't want to waste time hiking to their position. The sooner she reached them, the sooner she could convince Seven to walk off with her alone. They needed to talk and now was as good a time as any. Katherine Janeway was never one to waste time or words. She went through the trees towards Tom's voice when she heard it. Harry and Tom were all alone in grass beside a creek. The grass all around them was flattened. She looked around for Seven. "Where is Seven?"

"She went back to Voyager a couple of hours ago, Captain." Harry was walking towards the stream. Katherine took in the men's clothing, which looked like it had been hastily thrown on and it dawned on her that probably had been.

"That didn't last long." She was referring to Seven's hike on the planet.

"She wasn't in the mood to hike around with us anyway." Harry pierced Katherine with a glare and it spoke volumes. Tom watched all of this while sprawled in the grass. He, at least, wasn't going to pretend he and Harry hadn't been doing what they obviously had been doing.

"Yes, I noticed she seemed upset."

"You hurt her a lot." He wasn't going to mince words and dance around the real issue.

"Did I?"

"Yes." Katherine realized that Harry had a clearer view of the situation than even she did.

"Well. I was looking for Seven so I think I'll just go back to Voyager. You two go back to whatever you were doing." Harry flushed and Tom smirked at her words. "Harry. Tom." She nodded to each of them before asking to be beamed back to Voyager, her voice lost and distracted. When she reached the transporter room, she immediately asked for Seven's location.

"Seven of Nine is in cargo bay two," the cool voice informed Katherine. She was already on her way before the computer had finished speaking. It didn't take her long to reach the bay and she was glad the hallways were deserted. When the doors slid open she schooled her face into an impassive mask, and looked around. The silence spoke for itself.

"Computer, where is Seven?" The mask was slipping. -Where is she?-

"Seven of Nine is in Cargo Bay Two."

"No, she is not!" Katherine began searching and soon found the comm badge on the table. She picked it up and caressed it slowly, thinking about why Seven would leave it. The shot of fear that diced through her system was overwhelming. Katherine remembered what happened the last time Seven left her badge behind. -Oh, gods, please, no. Don't leave me again.- She sank onto the couch, holding the badge to her face. The tears that slipped mercilessly down her face wet her hand jolted her back to reason. -She can't have left. But where she could be?- A thought occurred to her and she was off the couch in a flash, dashing stray tears out of her eyes. -Please, please be there.-

<*><*>

Seven stiffened when she heard the doors open. She was, at the moment sitting in a corner, her shoulders slumped dejectedly, self pity and sorrow etched clearly on her face. She was unprepared for the rush of heat and arms that suddenly enfolded her from behind and she registered shock when she realized it was Katherine hugging her. It was too much and Seven pulled away with a ragged sob, standing up. She looked down at Katherine, sitting amongst the broken shards and ruin. Katherine was staring at Seven's knees. "What are you doing here, Katherine?"

"I thought you'd left." Katherine's voice was quiet and withdrawn. She looked up at Seven and smiled shakily.

"Left?"

"Yes."

"Really. Is that all." Seven turned away angrily, irrational emotion pooling in her eyes. "You just came to check on me?"

"You are not making this easy." Katherine stood up and brushed herself off. She was still wearing the loose slacks and top from hiking.

"Making what easy?" Seven slowly paced around the room.

Katherine's eyes were hooded as she came over to where Seven was examining a chip in the wall. "I thought you had run away from me again."

"Ah." Seven turned disbelieving eyes on Katherine, shivering because of how close she was standing.

"What does that mean?"

"If only you knew, Katherine." Seven reached a ran a light finger down Katherine's face, ending at her chin.

"I'm asking you." Katherine took Seven's hand and held it lightly in front of her. Their quiet voices hardly disturbed the silence encasing them and Katherine felt calmed by it. She felt as if there was nothing else outside the two of them and the feeble connection of their hands. Seven was staring curiously down at the fingers stroking her own. Her decision was clear in her eyes.

"I couldn't. Not ever." She paused and looked into Katherine's eyes. "I could never leave you."

"You did once."

"That was before." Seven looked down at the floor.

"Before what?"

"Before I realized how much I love you." Seven looked into Katherine's eyes again, not bothering to hide the raw pain in her own.

"You love me?" The knowledge slammed into Katherine's mind and whirled around.

"Yes. I am sorry." Seven turned away and walked from Katherine, leaving her in the holodec. She was not even out the doors when Katherine took Seven's hand and pulled her backwards.

"Where are you going?" Katherine would not let go of Seven's hand, but Seven was still walking away.

"I do not know. My quarters."

"Not without me." They had reached the turbo lift and Katherine followed Seven in.

"Please." Seven was sure that any moment she would shatter, her nerves felt so brittle with sensory overload.

"I am not leaving you."

"Why not?" Seven got off the lift and stalked off towards her quarters. She grunted when Katherine followed her in.

"Because we need to talk."

"There is nothing to talk about."

"Seven, you just told me you love me!" Katherine threw her hands up in the air. Seven had sat down and Katherine agitatedly paced in front of her.

"I apologized." Seven muttered so dejectedly that Katherine stopped moving and stood awkwardly in front of Seven.

"Why?"

"Why should you suffer, too?" Seven looked up at the beautiful woman in front of her, tears slipping down her face.

"Suffer?" Katherine knelt in front of Seven and took her face in her hands. She gently kissed away the tears that had gathered in the corners of Seven's mouth. She leaned back and smiled at Seven. "Gods, how long have I been denying myself the pleasure of... of... you?" Her voice was quiet and Seven looked in wonder into eyes suddenly deep with emotion.

"Too long." Seven reached forward and kissed Katherine, licking at the succulent lips presented for her. Katherine threaded her hand into Seven's hair, loosening it so it fell down her back. She angled her head, deepening the kiss. Seven's mouth opened on a sigh and she ran her tongue along Katherine's teeth. Katherine let her hand drop from Seven's head and she gripped both of Seven's hands in her own, holding them on either side of the body she instinctively moved closer to. Cradled between Seven's thighs, she pressed up against the raging heat coming from Seven, their mouths never parting. They were both out of breath when Seven pulled back and leaned against the back of the couch. She made a small noise and Katherine stroked her jaw line.

"What?" Katherine was lazily running her hand from Seven's ear to the barrier of her uniform.

"Hmmm. Nothing. I'm a little confused."

"Why? Too fast?"

"No. Yes. Maybe. My power of thought seems to have deserted me." Seven smiled slightly and pulled Katherine up so she was resting on Seven's chest.

"Maybe we're not ready for this yet." She reached and ran her fingers along Seven's ribcage, Seven's shiver of pleasure transferring itself to her own body.

"I don't know. I've thought about it for weeks." Seven grasped the hand that was sending lightening bolts though her skin to merge somewhere below her diaphragm. She wound her finger's through Katherine's and lightly stroked the soft skin on the top of her hand.

"We should do something." Katherine's low voice vibrated into Seven's neck.

"We are doing something." Seven was gently massaging the fingertips of the hand trapped in her own.

"And if we keep doing it, things are going to get out of hand."

"Is that a problem?" Seven sat up and looked down at Katherine.

"I don't know." Seven looked up from their joined fingers and Katherine saw clearly the confusion written in the ice blue eyes. "Please, this is new to me. You've had weeks to grow accustomed to this."

"I've grown accustomed to the idea of being apart from you."

"Seven, I don't even know what I'm thinking. My mind has been one hopelessly knotted string since this morning. Please can we just take it slow?"

"I am willing to accept that." Seven brought their hands up and kissed Katherine's fingers. "For now."

"Thank you."

"Well, what should we do?"

"Hmm. You know there's this great planet below us, just waiting to be explored." Katherine rested her head on Seven's shoulder. She drew small circles on the covered skin below the clavicle.

"Do you want me to demonstrate my new survival skills?" Seven's small laugh was echoed by Katherine's.

"Very funny."

"Hmm."

"A hike sounds good. I promise not to keep you out late."

"You can keep me forever." With a last kiss, Seven got up and walked behind the screens surrounding her chamber. She emerged minutes later dressed in the loose pants and shirt she had replicated for walking in a forest.

Katherine stood up and walked over to Seven. She ran her fingers through the blond tresses Seven had left loose, leaning in and kissing her lightly. Seven could feel the smile against her lips and she pulled Katherine close. The stood entwined for several moments before Katherine pulled back and kissed the tip of Seven's nose.

"Shall we go?" Katherine took Seven's hand, subtly caressing the fingers she held in a firm grip.

"Yes."  

She let Katherine lead her out to the transporter room. Once again, Seven felt the whirlwind take her up and spin her around crazily. She didn't know where she would be put down and she wasn't sure Katherine would be there, but she was here now and maybe if Seven held tight enough she wouldn't slip away. Seven wasn't aware, as they came to the planet and Katherine took her hand again, that she had tightened her grip until Katherine wiggled her fingers and looked at their hands. Seven smiled her apology and brought Katherine's hand up to kiss the hurt away.

"What is it?" They were walking side by side and Katherine looked at Seven out the corner of her eye.

"I keep expecting you to disappear, fade away like so many of my dreams." Seven looked at the ground as she spoke, pretending to concentrate on the terrain.

"I won't."

"Why did you come back to Voyager?"

"When?" Katherine continued walking, following a small stream they had found.

"Today."

"Why?"

"Yes. Just to check up on me?"

"When I started walking with Chakotay and Tuvok, I had a lot of time to think. I thought about the morning in the holodec. When you kissed my hand, it felt..." Katherine paused, she wasn't sure she could say this out loud yet.

"Yes?"

"Familiar. It felt familiar."

"I am quite sure I have never done that before."

"No, but the feelings felt familiar. Anyway, hiking today, I started to think back and I tried to figure out how long I had been ignoring these... feelings."

"And what did you find out?"

"I don't know."

"Ah."

"I thought I would come back and find you. I thought maybe if I talked to you, I would be able to sort things out. When Harry said you'd gone back to Voyager, it didn't strike me as odd. I went to your quarters and all I found was your comm badge."

"I wanted to be alone." Seven cut her off.

"I thought you'd left. Again. The most awful things ran through my mind. Like you'd run again, only this time we wouldn't have a clue where you'd gone. The thought of you never being there, Seven, it almost ripped me in two. I suddenly felt that without you, I wouldn't be able to breathe. To tell you the honest truth, I went a little crazy; for the second before I thought of the holodec, I wanted to find you so you'd take me with you. I would just abandon Voyager and be with you. I didn't care." She paused. "It scared me."

"I'm sorry. When I brought you to my...uh...plate room," Seven smirked at her and Katherine smiled back. "You looked so lost. And angry. It is how I feel everyday. I am cut off from the only life I have ever known, being forced to acknowledge my human origins, and being forced to subvert them."

"Why subvert them? Why push them under?"

"I have to. They confuse me and they interfere with logic."

"But..."

"Katherine, I won't be able to explain to you. You are a grown woman. You've had enough time to learn to live with your humanity. I have had months. I can't function when I feel."

"Maybe."

"And then there was you. And you were so obnoxious and frustrating." Seven held her hand up at Katherine's sound of protest. "You were." Seven smiled and stopped walking. "But you were, are, so beautiful and confident." She stroked Katherine's face. "I idolized you. I wanted to be able to be so detached with other people and not because I found them so below me. I was so confused. I wanted to be left alone and I wanted to be around you all the time."

"I thought I was helping you. When you came aboard, the crew united against you. I thought if I could get you to care about something, they would see you as more human and would be more forgiving. But you refused to listen. To anybody. You went off and did your own thing and damn the consequences. You wouldn't interact. It was frustrating."

"I am Borg, Katherine. That won't change."

"I know that." They walked in silence for a while. It was an easy silence, the stream provided enough background. Both lost in their own thoughts, they walked through the peaceful scenery, hardly noticing the failing light. They reached a valley, where the stream dropped off into a small lake below, just as the sun was touching the horizon. Katherine slowed to a halt and let go of Seven's hand. She sat down and leaned back against a rock. Seven sat next to her and Katherine once again entwined their hands, resting them on her thigh. As the sun set even the birds were quiet. The beautiful display of oranges and reds was fading to navy blue when Seven broke the silence.

"Should we go back?" She turned her head to look at Katherine. A bright moon was rising and it reflected in the eyes inches away from her own.

"Do you want to?" Katherine's voice was quiet. She had let go of Seven's hand and was stroking a light touch on the inside of her wrist. Katherine closed the gap between them and caught Seven's lips in a relentless kiss. Helpless not to respond, Seven grasped Katherine's arms and pivoted so she was facing her more directly. Their tongues danced against each other and Seven felt lightheaded and buoyant with never-before felt joy. She wanted to get closer to Katherine, but she noticed that when she did her nipples, puckered with desire, rubbed against the fabric of her shirt. It was soft but too rough for sensitized skin. Seven pulled back to minimize the pain and immediately missed the pleasure.

Seven softly licked her swollen lips and, out of breath, answered Katherine's question. "No, I do not want to return to Voyager yet."

"Hmmm, I didn't think so." Katherine noticed what was visible through Seven's top and ran her fingers lightly over Seven's nipples. Seven gasped with pleasure so sharp it brought tears to her eyes. "I don't want to be the aggressor."

"I know nothing. I only know that the hollow ache dulls slightly when you touch me." Seven kneeled forward and kissed Katherine, bringing her breasts into full contact with Katherine's equally hard nipples. Katherine's low moan was licked away and swallowed by Seven. Several moments later Katherine pulled herself away.

"Hmm, nice. Let's let that settle and go explore that valley." Her legs were weak when she stood up, reluctantly pulling herself farther away from where her body wanted to be most at the moment.

"Why?" Seven got up as well and brushed herself off. She moved in to brush Katherine off as well and took her time doing it. Katherine cut it short by pulling Seven into a tight embrace.

"Because, if I don't move now, I never will. A leaf strewn rock path is not my idea of romance." Katherine caught Seven's lips again for a short kiss.

"Okay," Seven murmured against Katherine's lips. She pulled back and started down the rough path clearly visible from where they were standing. The bright moon highlighted the steep parts and loose stones.

When they reached the bottom, the shadows were longer and it was darker. The lake glowed slightly and they walked over to it. Katherine reached down and ran her hands through the water, ice cold next to her heated skin. She looked over to where Seven was examining some unusual rock formations, and splashed water the short distance, wetting Seven with cold water.

Seven looked into imp's eyes. "What was that for?"

"No reason." Katherine splashed Seven again. This time Seven retaliated, scooping water in her hands and dousing Katherine, who laughed and splashed back in earnest.

"You realize, Katherine, that this means war?"

"Of course." They commenced splashing and were both soaked in minutes. The cold water cooled them quickly and with no sun to replenish the heat they were both shivering. Seven, who never liked being wet anyway, finally held her hands up in defeat.

"Enough." Her wet hair was plastered back and her loose clothes clung to her breasts, the nipples standing out in relief. In the semi-dark, Seven didn't see Katherine's eyes darken.

"To the victor go the spoils." Katherine lunged at Seven, bringing her to the soft ground and under her. She straddled Seven, held her hands above her head and, with a twist of her head, moved her dripping hair out of her eyes. Seven thought Katherine was going to kiss her but instead she leaned down and kissed the pale neck that Seven immediately arched. Katherine continued her assault on Seven's neck, moving lower to alternately bite and lick the skin just above the line of Seven's shirt. Seven clenched and unclenched her fingers around Katherine's hands, desperately wanting to touch Katherine. Her restrained hands could do nothing as Katherine gently rocked against Seven's belly.

Seven could feel the heat coming from between Katherine's legs and she reveled in it as the only other source of heat, besides Katherine's mouth, for her rapidly evaporating body. The intense desire Seven felt radiated through her and she felt like she -was- evaporating with the water, anchored only by Katherine's mouth and pelvis. As good as it felt, soon it wasn't enough and Seven was forced to give in to the shudders racking her body as her teeth began to chatter. Katherine felt them and sat up, releasing Seven's hands.

"Cold?" She smiled and stroked along Seven's face, the caress like water flowing over glass. Seven smiled and turned her head to kiss Katherine's fingers.

"Yes."

"We should go back to the ship then."

"I think that would be wise." They stood up and signaled Voyager.

<*>

When they reached the transporter room, both ignored the strange looks they were getting from the technician manning the controls. Katherine didn't give it much time before the fact that she had returned from the planet drenched, with an equally drenched Borg wrapped around her, was spread around the ship. Katherine used the excuse that Seven was cold to return the embrace. She wasn't ready to let go of the woman whom it seemed she had just found. But the interior of Voyager reflected back at her a strangeness and she felt overwhelmed. Things had changed too fast and she needed time to think and sort everything out. Not even a day had passed since she had even acknowledged that she had feelings for Seven, what ever they were. An uncomfortable silence fell over them as they walked back to Seven's quarters. They walked in and Seven turned to Katherine, hugging her close. She pulled back when she felt Katherine's stiffness.

"What is it?" Seven saw the uncertainty and nervousness in Katherine's eyes.

"I don't know, suddenly this feels weird."

"Why?" Seven could not mask the hurt in her voice; it seeped into her eyes and she stepped back from Katherine.

"I need some time to absorb this. Seven it hasn't even been a day."

"You need time."

"Yes." Katherine watched Seven walk away from her, only to turn back halfway to a chair.

"What are you afraid of?"

"You. Me. This. My track record isn't that great. What if I'm kidding myself, like I was with Tom, because I don't want to be alone anymore?"

"I don't even have a -track record-! You are the only person I have ever loved and -that- scares -me-. I am afraid you'll spend the night talking yourself out of this and then I'll be alone again. Where does that leave me?" Seven moved further into the cargo bay and paced back and forth angrily.

"Please, Seven," Katherine said, her voice breaking. "Please, I don't want to argue with you. Just give me some time, that's all I am asking. Please." She walked over to where Seven was standing.

"Go then," Seven said softly, the fierceness in the her voice evident in its low tones.

"I'll see you later." Katherine brushed the tears off her face, transferring them to Seven's as she touched Seven's mouth.

"Yes, you will."  

Katherine did not seek Seven out the next day. The face she was hoping was hers on the other side of her door was Harry's. Not even trying to hide the disappointment on her face, she let him in.

"Good morning, Seven. Sleep well?" Harry sat on the couch.

"Hmm." Her non-committal tone was enough to tone Harry's smile to bright from blinding. "And you?" Seven walked over to the replicator and called some water up for Harry.

"Not a wink." He took the water, set it down and patted the spot next to him on the couch. Seven sat down heavily and crossed her arms. Harry turned to sit sideways and cross-legged facing her. What did you do after you left us?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Come on. Don't close yourself off."

"I -don't- want to talk about it." Seven's eyes were fierce with suppressed emotion. The spitting blue fire burned out of her sockets so that Harry felt the heat and shivered.

"You need to talk to her."

"Talk to whom about what?"

"Seven." Harry smiled sadly at her. "Captain Janeway."

"And tell her what?"

"Something, anything. Tell her how you feel."

"She knows."

"I'll bet she doesn't."

"She does."

"How do you know?"

"I told her." Seven almost smiled at Harry's more than evident shock. Almost. "Yesterday, she thought I'd left again and we fought and I told her."

"And?"

"And what? And she kissed me. And I kissed her? And we went for a walk and we kissed some more. And if I hadn't been cold and wet we probably would have had sex?"

"Okay. So why isn't she here now?"

"We came back, she said she felt weird and left." Seven's anger drained out of her and she sobbed on the last syllable. Harry pulled her close and let the storm loose itself on his shoulder. "Harry, I'm not sure I was designed for this. I can't take this. She loves me or she doesn't but I am not sure I can wait while she decides. Last night was..."

"Hell?"

"Yes. Does she think I know what I'm doing? That I have done this before? Does she think she can play with me?" Seven's tears dried and she looked only drained now, no life shone out of her eyes.

"No, but Seven, give her time. This has happened pretty fast. You have to give her a chance to adjust. We have time. Lots of time." Harry patted her hand and stood up. "You'll get through it Seven, you are probably the strongest member of the ship."

"Besides Katherine."

"Yes, besides the Captain." Harry smiled softly down at the blond wretch in front of him. Even in her misery she radiated resolve, a will to survive. Not just to survive, but to succeed. It was daunting to have one such as her, sure and yet so childlike sometimes, as a friend. She was still silent, withdrawn, Seven wouldn't volunteer anything willingly. Her past of being one of the collective, and not being alone in her mind, had not affected her humanness. She held her silence close to herself and gave an air of aloofness. Her guarded exterior hid a depth that so few had seen, or bothered to see and Harry was amazed he was allowed to see it at all. He gave a quick squeeze to Seven's hand. "I have to go Seven, my shift starts soon."

"Yes. I want to do a system's analysis on the regulator."

"Well, I'll see you later?" Harry was half way out the door when he heard her answer.

"I wish to be alone." He caught the glittering in her eyes that was not disguised by the business like tone.

"Alright, Seven."

<*>

Katherine woke that morning with her hand stroking her leg, and a foggy confusion that it wasn't her hand, but Seven's. She threw off the last wisps of the dream and dressed quickly, rejecting the uniform and pulling out a pair of jeans from the back of her closet. She had brought them with her on this voyage and she had not worn them since. Katherine was amazed they still fit. A tee-shirt and a long sleeved pullover completed the ensemble. She grabbed her comm badge off the dresser and let Chakotay know she was going planet-side for a few hours. They still had two days on Zaelon and she was going to sort through the mass her life had suddenly become. Where was it written that the captain of a starship could fall in love with her juniors? Katherine stopped mid-step in to the transporter room. Love? -Love?-

As the planet solidified in front of her, Katherine had no choice but to admit it. She was in love with Seven of Nine. There was only one thing she could say to herself. It was wasn't very ladylike, but she muttered the strong human expletive anyway. And then a few in Klingon, just to be sure.

When had this happened? Gods only knew. The want was there; it always had been, since that moment when she first saw Seven, struggling and defiant. And when the Doctor had revealed his handiwork, that shining skin and spin of blond silk had been the stuff of many not-admitted dreams. Which led Katherine to a second question. Why was she down here, catching occasional glimpses of the red and yellow of her crew, when she could be wrapped around a warm and willing body. A coveted body. She felt the throb of desire as she replayed the night before.

It had happened so fast, Katherine felt the strange disquiet when something in life changes drastically. The spinning emotions, barely acknowledged and suddenly brought to the forefront. This quest through the Delta quadrant, Katherine felt, afforded some luxury of time, a couple of days to right herself and adjust to the love that flowed through her veins and tormented her dreams.

<*><*>

The shift was interminably long. Even Lt Paris, who could probably fly Voyager forever, was fidgeting with boredom. Katherine looked around at the rest of her bridge crew and saw evidence of the same ennui written on every face she turned to. The only bright spot on this shift was turning out to be a scheduled lecture in the astrophysics lab. Beta shift was enjoying it now and then would relieve alpha shift. A briefing on the tracts of space charted so far. -A map of what we've left behind, when we need is a map of what lays ahead. Oh well, at least it's something to look forward to.- Katherine almost thought she heard a school bell ring when the lift doors opened and the beta shift arrived. Not a few of her staff were stretching and yawning as they stood from their posts. Katherine herself quietly cracked her back as soon as she was on the lift to the lab.

Taking a chair close to the front, she looked around to see the Delaney sisters preparing themselves for another round of speech. At least they had a sense of humor. This would be no security briefing by Mr. Tuvok. A soft chuckle had Katherine looking around to see if anyone heard, so that she caught the slight movement of someone off to the side. Someone with her back to the crowd, still working and oblivious to the warm eyes turned her way. Katherine felt the rush of love and heat that simultaneously made its presence known at the surface of her skin. Did Seven realize, did anyone realize, that she was sitting here, lost and in love with a blond angel who didn't even seem to acknowledge the waves of people around her?

The voices of the two sisters at the front of the room went unnoticed, unheeded, as Katherine gave herself up to watching Seven of Nine. Watching the way she moved, the way her neck bent at such a delicate angle when she was looking down at a screen. Watching the way, every once in a while, Seven absently stroked the uniform covering the implants in her side. Katherine could feel the fire in her eyes and the slow flush that crept up her neck to color her face. The nerves below her skin were dancing and with each movement, each gesture Seven unconsciously displayed for her, Katherine could feel her mouth grow drier. The tongue, caught mercilessly between her teeth, concealed by her lips, ached to trace the line of metal hidden beneath Seven's uniform, drawing attention to ribs revealed beneath perfect breasts.

The lecture wasn't over soon enough.  

Seven disregarded the rush of people walking past her and doggedly ran through the set of figures she was analyzing again. The strange unease she felt during the lecture increased when she felt the silence behind her. Katherine had been there; she had been sitting in the group, just behind Seven it seemed. Seven saw her briefly when she walked in and ignored the strange tremors running along with her blood and nanocytes.

Two days. Seven hadn't seen Katherine in two days. Who was avoiding who was unclear, but Seven was relatively sure it wasn't herself. And, yet again, an opportunity for some form of communication presented itself and was ignored. Seven started when she heard someone shift in a chair behind her and stand up. She held herself as still as a statue until she felt a warm hand suddenly press into the small of her back, caress her spine. She spun to confront the person and was caught off guard by Katherine's lips covering her own and the tongue that gained entrance to her mouth on Seven's broken sob. It was only a brief moment before Seven eagerly kissed her back and held Katherine's body to her own shaking form.

Katherine pulled away abruptly, but did not move any further away than was necessary for speech. Terse, to the point, and rough-voiced speech. "Where, Seven? Right now."

"I don't care, Katherine. Right here." Seven caught Katherine's low laughter with her mouth and found it strange that the smoky tone of it didn't affect the flavour of her mouth. Moments later, after an arousing caress from Katherine across the line of her hips, Seven was being dragged, willingly, to the turbo lift. The short trip was not noticed by the two women, as the play between them continued as though there had not been a break.

The doors to Katherine's quarters were barely opened and privacy locked engaged, before Katherine had Seven's uniform open to the waist and her mouth was playing along implants, warm from the pulse beating beneath the breast cradled in Katherine's hand.

Seven was tugging at the zipper of Katherine's uniform, grim with the frustration of moving around the body that was doing such explosive things to her systems. Katherine felt the struggle and pushed back, standing before Seven with a small smile that did not hide the desire and greed in her eyes.

"You've got three seconds to get out of that suit."

Seven didn't hesitate and quickly divested herself of the remaining clothing. Katherine's own quick stripping was met with approval and Seven stood only seconds naked and lone before Katherine's heated skin was pressed against her, forcing her into the wall behind. The feeling of Katherine's breasts aligned with her own hard nipples caused the shuddering that Katherine felt under her hands as she slid them down Seven's back and around to slide through the coarse, soft hair covering the wet heat between Seven's legs. It was too much and Seven could not stop the tremors that coursed through her and around Katherine's questing fingers. It was not release though, merely a breaking of the tension that had wound too tightly around Seven's core and now was tightening itself again.

The violence of passion that Katherine felt did not lessen with the delight of Seven coming in her hands. It focussed on the small moment, a prelude to future moments, and Katherine could feel sticky wetness slip down her legs. Seven's eyes closed and Katherine kissed each soft lid open, so she could see the wordless desire contained within the glowing orbs. Seven was arching her heat into Katherine's unconsciously, innocent to the effect it was having on Katherine's senses. She rocked into Seven more insistently, sucking one nipple strongly into her mouth. When next Katherine looked up, it was to see the innocence gone and replaced by a dark lust. A lust that was reflected and barely contained within Katherine's own features.

Katherine slid a knee between Seven's legs and wedged them apart to stand in the cradle formed. Sealing the whisper of space dividing them, she could feel the moment when Seven's soft flesh met her own, shudders racking both their bodies. It was an awkward twisting of bodies that achieved this and she pulled Seven away from the wall, only to push her to the floor and straddle her fully. Seven complied and spread her legs slightly, increasing the contact.

Katherine arched her back and rubbed her clitoris along Seven's, crying out at the shock of pleasure that raced through her. Seven pushed her hand between their bodies and ran her fingers through the pool of wetness that was both women's. Katherine caught Seven's mouth in a savage kiss and ground her teeth against the lips that gave so willingly. Setting up a rhythm with her hips, she alternately rubbed herself along Seven's fingers and against the nub of flesh that was harder than it had been seconds ago.

What brought Katherine crashing through the walls of her restraint was Seven pulling her hand out and putting one finger to the tip of the pink tongue poking out of her mouth, before sucking three wet fingers into her mouth fully. The look of wonder and delight on Seven's face as she tasted both their wetness together had Katherine growling in the back of her throat. She thrust her own hand between their bodies and circled Seven's clit with her fingers, touching her thumb to the throbbing flesh relentlessly. Her own heat was pressed mercilessly against her hand. Seven's sobs increased in intensity and Katherine could feel delicate contractions around her fingers. A rush of warm liquid against Katherine's hand and Seven collapsed back to the floor, relaxing from the tense bow her body had made with the strain of release. Katherine ground her hand over herself and quickly made herself come. She laid heavily over Seven, listening to their mingled breath.

It was a while before she could bring herself to reach up, pull a blanket from the nearby couch and cover their cooling bodies. Nesting Seven against her and cradling her head on her arm, Katherine fell into a light sleep, content to hold Seven to her finally.

<*>

Seven lay awake watching Katherine doze. She couldn't decide if the deep content she felt was because of sex or because she finally had Katherine. Had her and was not letting go. The fact that someone she loved could make her feel so good did not surprise her, more that it had gone so deep. Seven would feel Katherine's hand against her for a lifetime and the moment when their centers had met would echo through her nerves forever. If Katherine had felt half of Seven had felt.... But half was not enough.

Sated and awake, Seven nevertheless was curious. She explored what skin she could reach without really disturbing Katherine as she slept, weighting the differences in their bodies in a way she was not allowed two nights before. Long before Katherine woke, Seven had pushed the blanket back and was skimming over Katherine's hips, outlining the different textures.

Katherine's eyes opened just as Seven was tasting those textures, running her tongue from Katherine's belly button to the fold of skin delineating her pubic region. Seven looked up and met the glowing eyes that were watching her from a perched position. How long had she dreamed of seeing that face above her, that particular expression sculpting the features into something that transcended beauty? She barely heard Katherine's sigh of completion as Seven dipped her head and ran her tongue though the heat that was gathering, replenished by the catnap. Taking Katherine gently between her teeth, she flicked her tongue over the tip and drank in the vibrations of moans rising up from Katherine.

The increased flow against her chin, had Seven opening her mouth wide and collecting it with her bottom row of teeth scraping along sensitive skin, still pressuring Katherine's clit with her top teeth. Darting her tongue out, she lapped it up and in one smooth movement, glided her tongue of over tender flesh. Katherine's fingers digging into her hair provoked a low groan of pleasure from Seven. The fluctuations pushed Katherine over the edge, who came with heavy force into Seven's mouth and down into her soul. Seven pulled back and rested her head on Katherine's hip, enjoying the smell of release and the satisfaction of causing it.

Katherine stroked her hair and smiled gently through the intense shock waves still rushing over her. "I love you, Seven."

<*><*><*>

end

ending notes: I would like to dedicate this story to a lost love, who was the inspiration for it and whose absence almost didn't let me finish it. And to a new love, who became the inspiration that allowed me to complete it.

AP

-- There is a fine line between the sane and the insane. I walk that line. Walk with me.