Part five: What you're trying not to say

Seven let the rest of the greeting party leave without her to give the Ahmerians their first tour of Voyager, choosing instead to linger behind with Sally. Her friend looked tired.

"Did you enjoy your trip?" Seven asked, as they started walking towards Sally's quarters. With a faint frown at the slight slump in Sally's shoulders, she took her bag and carried it for her.

"Yeah. Really interesting. I could spend a lifetime studying the League of Worlds. The combined culture looks fascinating." A smile. "The Delta Quadrant's going to be one long affront to my academic sensibilities, I can tell. Sketchy information on everything." They entered the turbolift, and Sally leaned against the wall. "When are we having the concert?"

"Tomorrow night." Seven looked at her carefully. "Sally, what is wrong?"

"I'm fine. I just couldn't sleep last night, so I'm a little tired." Her grin, Seven saw instantly, was rather forced. They walked the remaining distance to Sally's quarters in silence.

"You are hiding something from me," Seven observed, not looking at Sally as she placed the travel bag on Sally's bed. She heard Sally sigh.

"Maybe. Look..." Turning, Seven saw Sally rub her hands over her face. "It's... I need sleep. I really do. That's most of it."

Seven frowned. "There are tears in your eyes," she observed. "You are not merely tired."

Sally bit her lip. "Seven..."

Seven took a step forward and touched her fingertips lightly to Sally's cheek. "Tell me. What is wrong?"

By way of answer, Sally burst into tears. Slightly dismayed, Seven wrapped her arms around her friend and drew her down to the couch, holding her patiently as she sobbed. It took a long time for the tears to abate, and longer still before she felt Sally stir in her arms. Seven felt a light, light brush of Sally's lips across her cheek.

"Thanks," Sally said, and cleared her throat. "Mostly I'm just homesick. I try to keep myself busy, but... it's hard. I didn't get to say goodbye to anyone." She didn't meet Seven's eyes as she spoke. "Oh, but hey, something odd while I was on the Crescent. I get the impression Lida Mas might know something about how I got here. It's weird. I meant to tell the captain, but I haven't had a chance yet." Sally yawned abruptly. "Ugh. It can wait till morning."

"I will tell her for you." Seven hugged Sally tighter for a moment, wishing she understood her friend a little better. "Rest."

"Yeah. I will." Sally smiled tremulously. "Tomorrow night's the concert, you said. You ready?"

"I believe the appropriate phrase is... 'As I will ever be'." Seven smiled. "Are you?"

Sally smiled faintly, but genuinely this time. "Yeah. I think I know what I'm going to do, finally."

 


"So have you spoken with Sally today?" Janeway asked, as she sat down with a fresh cup of coffee.

"We had breakfast together," Seven answered. "Today she is finalising the arrangements for tonight's concert." Seven's brow furrowed slightly. "Sally feels Lida Mas may know something of why she is here."

"Really?" Janeway sipped thoughtfully. "That would be odd. Did she say why?"

"No. She ascribes it to intuition." Seven smiled slightly. "She wishes to discuss it with you."

"Oh, by all means." Janeway smiled. "Any friend of yours is a friend of mine." Seven raised an eyebrow skeptically at that, and Janeway laughed. "I've had my differences with her, but I don't hate the woman."

"You have not liked her since she came aboard."

"Well... no. She's undisciplined and unpredictable. But I know she's been a good friend to you... Better than I have been, lately. I'm more jealous than anything else." Janeway looked into her cup.

"I have always valued your friendship, Kathryn," Seven told her seriously.

"I know. I guess sometimes my insecurities just get the better of me." Kathryn tried to toss that off lightly, but Seven's thoughtful expression told her the information had been carefully filed for future consideration. "But right now I need to get back to work," she added, regretfully. She'd been enjoying spending her lunch break with Seven.

"Until tonight, then, captain." Seven rose gracefully, and Kathryn stood to walk her to the door.

"Until then."

They paused at the door. Seven looked at her knowingly, and Kathryn almost giggled. Surely, she reflected, it's far too late to be shy about this. Then she stopped thinking and concentrated on the kissing.

She didn't hear the doors open, nor Chakotay clearing his throat the first two times. She wasn't really aware of his presence until she heard Seven say "Excuse me, Commander" as she left.

I will not blush. I will not blush.

"The engineering reports you asked for, captain," Chakotay said blandly. Janeway cleared her throat and took the padds from his hand.

"Thank you, Chakotay." Behind him, she could see Tom Paris grinning. And Harry Kim - ooh, he didn't look happy.

Ah, well. She sighed inwardly. They had to find out eventually.

 


"Sally?" The young ensign said to Sally's legs, which were all that were visible from beneath the lighting console.

"What is it, Billy?" came the muffled reply.

"I'm not sure I can go on tonight." He swallowed. "I'm just too nervous. I can't do it."

There was, briefly, silence. "Billy... Let me be honest with you." Sally wriggled out and into view, smiling pleasantly. "Either you go on stage tonight and perform, or I will rip out your kidneys with my bare hands. Okay?"

"Uh... okay." He backed away.

"Great." Sally gave him a friendly nod, and disappeared back under the console.

 


"All right. Everybody together."

At Sally's call, all the performers gathered together and sat in a loose circle on the stage. Sally perched on a stool where she could address them all. Seven stood at the back, and met Sally's eyes over the heads of the others. Sally winked at her.

"Right, kids," Sally began. "I want you all to remember, this is going to be the best concert in galactic history. We're going to get up on this stage and do our pieces perfectly." Then she relaxed slightly, and grinned at them. "Failing that, we're all going to have a hell of a lot of fun." She cast her eyes over them. "Who's nervous?" A few hands were raised tentatively. Sally nodded and raised her own. "It's only natural. So I want you all to repeat after me, are you ready?"

Nods.

"Okay. After me: Fuck it, how bad could it be?" she enunciated. Some of the crewmembers laughed. One or two looked outraged. "Come on, all of you. Say it. With me this time."

"'Fuck it, how bad could it be?'"

"Very good." Sally nodded. The tension level dissipated somewhat. "Now, we're going to have a full rehearsal, okay? And everyone who's not on stage is going to sit on those chairs and be the audience." She clapped her hands. "I'm our emcee tonight, so I'll announce people just like I will later. Come on, seats, everybody." Sally stood and picked up the microphone she had insisted on replicating for her MC duties, saying she wouldn't feel right without one.

 


"So, you ready?"

Seven turned at the voice behind her. She was standing in her screened-off area, getting dressed. She smiled to see Sally. "Almost. I am having difficulty with these buttons."

"I'll get them. Turn around."

Seven obediently turned her back to Sally, and felt the slight pressure as her friend began fastening the closures that ran up her back. "It seems an inefficient design. It is difficult to persuade this garment to fulfil its primary function."

"If its primary function were to be, well, functional, maybe," Sally replied, finishing with the buttons and turning Seven around by the shoulders. She began fussing with Seven's hair. "But the primary function of this dress is too look as gorgeous as possible." Sally stood back. "Which it does. Very efficiently." She smiled. "Are you ready?"

"Yes."

"Good. I'll be calling everyone together shortly." A light pat on Seven's stomach, and she ducked away.

 


Sally straightened her bow tie nervously. "How do I look?" she asked, not looking at anyone in particular, as she adjusted the cuffs of the dinner suit she had chosen to wear.

"You look fine," the Doctor assured her. "Now get on stage."

"Right." Sally took the short flight of stairs in two leaps and ran to the front of the stage, scooping her microphone from its stand as she passed it.

"Ladies, gentlemen, and others," she began. "Welcome to Alpha Quadrant Or Bust, the first Voyager variety performance!"

Applause.

"I am your hostess for tonight. I'll also be performing for you later on, so I'll take this opportunity to assure you that I'm entirely biased when I tell you I'll be the highlight of the show." She winked. There was scattered laughter. "But first, to kick off the night in style, I'd like to introduce to you our man the Doctor. He calls his piece 'Open Your Mouth And Say Aria'."

Sally ran off stage and congratulated herself on neither laughing nor cringing as she said that, as the Doctor's backing music cued.

"Sally..." A voice hissed. Sally turned.

"What is it, Pete?"

"We can't find the piano." The young ensign bit his lip.

Sally took a deep breath. "It should be rolled up and stacked next to my guitars. Look there."

"All right." He hurried away. She saw him pick up the little piano simulator thing, turn, and nod, looking relieved, and sighed. She'd found the replicator pattern for the small, flat, flexible device that sounded just like a piano, and seen instantly the convenience of something that could be carried on and off stage as needed.

However, unlike a baby grand, they kept losing the damn thing...

Please, she prayed silently. If there are any gods at this end of the galaxy who speak English and are listening, let this night go well.

She was able, just briefly, to relax enough to enjoy the Doctor's genuinely good performance. Then Billy came up to her, and opened his mouth to speak. She cut him off. "Before you say anything, just consider how much worse it will be to face me if you pull out than it will be to perform."

"Uh... right. Uh. Nothing, then."

"Good." Sally smiled tightly at him, and prepared to go back on stage as the Doctor finished his piece with a feat of breath control that would have been even more impressive if he actually needed to breathe.

"Wow," she said to the audience, as he bowed with a flourish and made his way off the stage. "I wish I could say we were going to stay that cultured all night. But from here on in, we're just lowering the tone."

A few grins. Sally could hear the doctor preening.

"Next, I'd like to introduce to you some people who'd almost fit in in my childhood, a genuine rock band. Give a warm welcome to Captain Proton and the Sidekicks!"

 


"Finally," Sally sighed. "Intermission." The audience were mingling and getting refreshments. Everybody seemed to be having fun except her. She leaned against the wall and closed her eyes, regathering her energies. Then yelped as someone said her name. "Oh. Captain. Hello. Are you enjoying yourself?"

"Very much, thank you. So are our guests." Janeway smiled pleasantly.

"Oh, good." Sally replied weakly. "I don't suppose I can announce the end yet, can I?" she asked, mock-seriously.

"You can not," Seven's voice answered coolly, as her friend appeared from around a flat. "I have not performed yet. Neither have you."

Sally groaned, then noticed the drink in Seven's hand. "Is there alcohol in that?"

"No."

"How about yours?" she asked the captain.

"Well, synthehol..." Janeway answered uncertainly.

"Good enough," Sally said firmly. With a rakish grin, she took it from Janeway's hand and downed it in one swallow. "Right. On with the show."

 


"And now, it is my pleasure and privilege to introduce to you all my own dear friend, Seven of Nine."

Seven stepped out onto the stage. She began to realise why Sally had insisted on using the bulky physical microphones like those in use in her own time period. It did give her a point to focus on as she walked up to it and stood, facing the audience. Everyone was watching her. She hadn't sung in front of so many people before.

Her eyes met Kathryn's, and she saw the warm smile offered her. Without thinking, she returned it, then nodded towards Sally, who was sitting in the shadows at the back of the stage with her acoustic guitar, and Ensign David, her pianist.

They began to play, and she took a deep breath. On her cue, she began to sing.

 


Kathryn watched Seven emerge from the wings as Sally retreated from the microphone and picked up a guitar. She looked beautiful, but so nervous Kathryn wondered if she'd be able to sing at all. The blonde's eyes scanned across the crowd with an expression verging on horror. When they found Kathryn, she smiled and tried to look as encouraging as she could.

Seven smiled back at her, and nodded towards the instrumentalists behind her. They started to play. The music was vaguely familiar, but she couldn't place it. Then she stopped thinking about it as Seven began to sing.

 

Wise men say only fools rush in...

Seven's voice was richer than she'd expected. Her eyes were locked firmly on Kathryn, who shivered as she realised... Seven was singing this to her.

 

But I can't help falling in love with you.

Shall I stay

Would it be a sin

If I can't help falling in love with you

Seven took the microphone from its stand and stepped forward towards Kathryn, her eyes shining with emotion. Kathryn blinked a blur of tears from her own.

 

Like a river flows surely to the sea

Darling, so it goes

Some things are meant to be

At the front of the stage were steps down to floor level. Seven descended them now, not breaking her gaze. As she sang the next lines, she reached out towards Kathryn.

 

Take my hand

Take my whole life too

Almost without conscious decision, Kathryn took Seven's hand, allowing herself to be pulled gently to her feet.

 

For I can't help falling in love...

With...

Seven smiled. "You," she said simply, and kissed her.

The music crescendoed as the audience erupted into thunderous applause. Kathryn barely noticed.

 


"Well." Sally returned to the mic and grinned at the audience. "Somehow, I don't think anyone's going to find it easy to top that. And speaking as the only person who still has to perform, I'm half-tempted to call an end to it right now."

"You will not," Seven said clearly, finally turning away from the captain. The audience chuckled, dissipating some of the electric charge in the atmosphere. Sally took off her jacket and tossed it to someone in the wings.

"Fine." She mock-glared at her friend, and fetched her guitar again. "I'm going to do a couple of songs. The first one I'll just sing. The second one... By the second chorus you'll all know the words, and I want you all to join in."

She strummed the opening chords, and then started singing. The contrast marked after Seven's performance, Sally didn't look at anyone, choosing instead to curl around the belly of her guitar.

 

Here I stand, head in hands

Turn my face to the wall

If she's gone I can't go on

Feeling two foot small

Kathryn watched her play as what she saw began to penetrate through her feeling of giddy euphoria. Sally's style with her guitar was very different from what it had been during Seven's performance; it was less melodic now, a little harsher, effectively making her song seem more... pained.

 

Everywhere people stare

Each and every day

I can see them laugh at me,

And I hear them say...

 

"Hey, you've got to hide your love away.

Hey, you've got to hide your love away..."

Just for a moment, Sally's voice cracked, but she had control of herself so quickly Kathryn wondered if she'd imagined it. She squeezed Seven's hand as she saw Sally draw herself in more tightly.

 

How can I even try

I can never win

Hearing them, seeing them

In the state I'm in

Sally stopped singing, her fingers plucking out a complicated riff. Kathryn saw her throat work. She got the feeling the song wasn't even finished as Sally nonetheless shifted into a different, much more upbeat melody.

 


Sally finished "Obla-di, Obla-da" and grinned at the audience, who had, true to her expectations, joined in on the chorus enthusiastically.

"And that, friends, is the end of tonight's performance." She smiled and pressed a button on the microphone that cued the selection of background music she'd programmed the computer to play while people mingled, then dissipated.

A deep breath, and she stood, and walked off stage. Tom hugged her. "That was great," he said, a slightly speculative look in his eye which Sally deliberately ignored.

"Who has my jacket?"

"I left it over there," Billy said, gesturing vaguely.

"I have it," said the captain's voice.

Sally turned to her with careful aplomb and thanked her as she took it, feeling a little vulnerable in her thin white shirt, cummerbund or no. The last of the other performers filed out of the wings area.

"Interesting choice of song," Janeway observed, leaning against a flat. She looked thoughtful. Sally didn't bother trying to pretend she didn't know what she meant.

"Perhaps." She picked up her two guitars, the acoustic she'd just used and the electric one she'd played as one of Tom's 'Sidekicks'. Then she took a deep breath. "Don't."

Janeway blinked. "Don't what?"

"Don't try to be nice to me. Not right now. I've had a stressful evening, captain. If you try to be nice to me I may just snap." Sally grinned half-heartedly, then glanced past the captain. "Hey, Seven."

"Sally." Seven cocked her head at her. "I will see you at lunch tomorrow." It was a statement, not a question, and Sally nodded acquiescence. "Kathryn." Sally's eyes closed, just for a moment, at the way Seven's voice seemed to caress the syllables.

"Later," was all she said, and walked out, guitars in hand.

"I think -" Kathryn began, but stopped when Seven shook her head.

"I will deal with it," she said, then smiled. "It has nothing to do with you."

Kathryn smiled. "As you wish." She clasped Seven's hand in hers as they threaded their way out of the wings. "Would you like to come back to my quarters?"

Seven squeezed her hand. "I would."

 


"Would you like a drink?" Kathryn asked, as they entered her quarters. Seven shook her head slightly.

"No. I would not like a drink," she said, catching Kathryn's hands and pulling her closer. Kathryn smiled, sensing a game.

"Then what would you like?" she asked mildly.

"This," Seven whispered, ducking her head to catch Kathryn's lips in a slow and sensual kiss.

"Mmm. I think that can be arranged," Kathryn said huskily. She was hazily aware that quite some time passed before Seven drew back slightly, and gazed into her eyes.

"Kathryn..." Her lips twitched. "I wish to ask you to help me remove this dress. But I do not want you to misunderstand my intentions."

"Just the dress?" Kathryn smiled. "I can do that. Taking this slowly would be..."

"Not my intention," Seven interrupted her, and brushed a quick kiss across her lips. "I expected you would misunderstand my desire." She cupped Kathryn's cheek in her palm, and Kathryn leaned unconsciously into the touch and the distinctive, contrasting sensations of soft skin and warm metal. "I have waited for this..." She smiled. "Since I first realised that there was something to wait for."

Kathryn's answering smile spread slowly across her face, even as she slid her arms around Seven, her fingertips brushing across the line of buttons that ran down her back.

 


"Computer." Sally addressed the replicator in a menacing growl that entirely failed to affect emotionless circuitry. "I don't want you to tell me about health risks or nutritional guidelines. Override that. Override everything necessary to give me a bottle of genuine vodka with actual alcohol in it." The computer chirped, and began to speak. "Override," Sally snapped, interrupting it. The next chirp sounded distinctly grumpy, but a glass bottle containing clear fluid materialised reluctantly. Sally took it with bad grace.

"Now I want some ice. And a glass." The computer complied more readily, and she took her spoils with her to the couch. "Right." With an air of ceremony, she dropped some ice into the glass and poured vodka over it. She stared into the glass for almost a minute before she drained it, then refilled it in almost the same motion.

Sally remembered.

"You know, you haven't done this for a while," Natalie said, picking up the almost empty bottle that still stood on the table. Sally didn't answer, only her eyes moving as she watched Natalie move around the room. Her friend picked up a depleted cigarette pack as if it were a dead fish. "And if you're smoking, I know it's bad. What happened?"

"Lisa. Gone." Sally's tongue felt as if it were made of rubber.

"I see." Natalie regarded her silently for a moment. "I suppose it's just as well I'm here. Shower, coffee, breakfast, to start with, and then you're going to tell me a little bit more about this."

"Ungh." Sally grunted as Natalie pulled her to her feet and marched her towards the bathroom. Though blessed with an immunity to hangovers, she always felt thick-headed the morning after drinking. She stood passively as Natalie stripped off her clothing and pushed her, not ungently, underneath a spray of warm water.

"Scrub," Natalie ordered. "I'm going to make breakfast."

Sally missed her friend so much she hurt. With a sigh, she poured another drink.

 


Entering the conference room behind the captain, Seven saw Neelix, Chakotay and Lida Mas already there. Sally entered from the other door moments later. Seven raised an eyebrow slightly on seeing her. She couldn't recall seeing Sally looking that irritable before. Her friend dropped into the seat opposite her with a perfunctory wave and sat, glowering slightly.

Captain Janeway cleared her throat. "Star-Marshal, we have reason to understand that you might know something about how Dr Kingston came to be aboard Voyager."

Lida Mas nodded reluctantly. "Slani scientists have been experimenting with creating artificial wormholes through time. I don't really understand it. Their approach is to link two points, or people, and create a link between them. Their experiments focussed on biological connections; even across generations, DNA, for example, is quite, quite identical in great parts. However, their results have been... erratic." She coughed slightly. "The region of space in which they conducted their tests is still riddled with unstable wormholes. Sally may have been caught in one. The link could have been formed if she is, or was near, connected to someone who shares some kind of genetic similarity to someone she arrived near."

"I don't get it," Sally said. "And I'm too hung over to think. Are you saying either Seven or the captain is my descendant or something? They were the only people around when I arrived."

"Perhaps. Or someone you were near when you left."

"Huh." Sally picked up a padd and input some data; she was watched in silence until her results came back. "Bloody hell."

"What did you find?" Chakotay asked.

"The captain there is my best friend's great to the nth grandniece." She twitched a sardonic smile at Janeway, and looked at Lida Mas. "Just like that?"

"Apparently."

"Well, damn." Sally ran her fingers through her hair. "Can I get home the same way?"

The Star-Marshal looked away. "I'm afraid not."

"Oh."

 


Sally entered the Sickbay, and found it empty. "Computer, activate emergency medical holographic system, or whatever," she ordered. The Doctor materialised in front of her.

"Please - ah, it's you."

"You wanted to see me?" Sally asked, hopping up to sit on a biobed.

"Yes. Just a checkup, to see how you're doing after your little misadventure a few days ago." The Doctor picked up a tricorder and began scanning her. Then he frowned and looked at her sharply. "Tell me, are you always this abusive to your body?"

Sally shifted uncomfortably. "What do you mean?"

"I told you to get rest. You haven't. And now your bloodstream is thoroughly polluted with toxins. You must feel terrible."

"Like something the cat dragged in and threw up, frankly."

"I see. Thank you for that... colourful... metaphor." The Doctor assembled a hypospray and injected it into her neck. "There. That should help your body process the toxins. In future, don't stress it that way, though, especially so soon after major trauma." He scowled at her. "And get some rest."

"Yes, Doctor." Sally hopped down. "I just need to see someone first and then I'll go to bed, I promise."

 


Seven didn't look around immediately as she heard the doors to Astrometrics open. She'd never bothered to explain it to anyone, but a reflection of the entrance to the lab could be seen in her console whenever the doors opened. However, when she identified the silhouette, she turned.

"Sally," she greeted her.

"Hey, Seven." Sally stepped forward, allowing the doors close behind her. "You wanted... I mean, we should talk, I know."

"Yes." Seven looked at her friend for a long, long moment. "Are you in love with me?"

Sally expelled a breath, just looking at her, then nodded slowly. "Yeah."

"But we are still friends," Seven probed. This got a lopsided grin.

"Yeah. We are." Sally straightened. "That's a given."

"Then nothing has to change," Seven concluded, and smiled.

That got an honest smile in response from her friend. "Right."

Seven considered her options, selected one, and took a step forward, opening her arms. Sally took the invitation and hugged her tightly.

"I'm going to have fun tracking how the crew reacts to you and the captain, though," Sally said, slightly teasingly.

"You are an anthropologist," Seven answered gravely. "That is what you do."

Sally chuckled. "Some of it." Then she glanced at the doors with mock-terror. "I gotta get to bed before the Doctor comes after me with a sedative. I'll see you later."

"Later," Seven replied, echoing Sally's casual goodbyes. It got her a grin as Sally half-jogged from the lab.

She turned back to her work. The star systems she was charting had not, in fact, changed. But she couldn't shake the feeling that life on Voyager was going to remain very, very different.

End Part Five