“Computer, run educational simulation Suder-one-omega”

“Initiating program,” a mechanical female voice replied, and promptly, the Holodeck turned into a rather unusual classroom. Instead of wooden chairs and wobbly desks, there were big, comfortable looking beanbags for them to relax on. They were set up in a way that they formed a large, half circle. In the middle was a small glass table with all kinds of Earth food laid out on top of it. There were potato chips, finger sandwiches, fruit, chocolate and even hotdogs! It looked amazing, and the students would have been very exited, if it had not been for their teacher being a homicidal maniac and all.

“Please,” Suder smiled just a little too friendly at them, “have a seat and make yourself comfortable!”

When nobody moved, be glanced around the classroom and suddenly smacked his forehead.

“Of course, how silly of me, I completely forgot the drinks!”

He entered a few commands at a nearby console and a wide selection of cans appeared on the table. He smiled again, creeping everyone out within a 10 light year radius. Deciding that it was probably unwise to refuse his offer, they each sat down on a beanbag and glanced at their teacher.

“Well then,” he suddenly started, “today’s lesson will be about one of the first race your species has ever encountered... in this reality at least. Does anybody know who I’m talking about?”

He turned to the students and looked at them one by one. They all tried to stay perfectly still and be as invisible as possible. Drawing attention in class in general is a bad idea. Drawing attention in class when your teacher is bloodthirsty Betazoid, is suicide. He sighed and let his gaze rest on Aseawen, who was desperately trying to become one with her beanbag.

“Aseawen, do you know the answer?”

“Uhm... t-the V-Vulcans?” she squeaked.

“Very good!”

He clapped in his hands and a hologram of a naked Vulcan male appeared in front of them. Well, almost naked: he had underwear, but it was so close fitting, that it left very little to the imagination.

“Great, a naked Tuvok look-a-like is just what I wanted to see before I die.” Firebirdgirl shuddered.

Suder frowned at her.

“Did you say something, Firebirdgirl?”

“Uhm… no?”

“Good,” his eyes narrowed. “I don’t like it when people talk behind my back.”

She gulped and nodded. After a last quick warning glare, the Betazoid walked away again and glanced at the food on the table.

“Why isn’t anyone eating?”

“We’re not hungry…” SuperSanne mumbled while eyeing the very tempting looking display. It was really tempting to get her hands on some non-Neelix food, but she wasn’t so sure about the ingredients Suder had used.

“Come on, give it a try,” he chuckled. “one bite won’t kill you.”

Very slowly, SuperSanne reached for a sandwich. It was probably poisoned, but she decided to take the risk. Surprisingly, it tasted great! She took another bite, and in a few minutes she had wolfed down the entire thing.

“Hey, this is really good!” she grinned.

The others carefully tried the food as well and discovered that Suder apparently had other talents than just growing orchids or going on random killing sprees. Then again… ‘killing sprees’ might not be the right way to put it. Apart from a couple of Cardassians (and those guys were creeps anyway) , he had only killed one redshirt and Tuvok had cured him after that, right? That had to be the reason why they were still alive. Thank God for mindmelds!

While everyone relaxed in their seats, Suder continued giving everyone the 'Vulcan 101'. Every now and then he paused and asked if there were any questions. Unlike everyone had expected, he was actually quite friendly and patient, even when Darkninga burst into a fit of giggles (and made several NC-17 rated comments during the process) when he tried to teach the students about 'The myths and legends surrounding the Pon Farr'.

‘This is great…’ Sikar thought to himself, while munching on a slice of pizza. ‘No Hirogens trying to rip my head off, no crazy chases through the Jefferies tubes, but finally a chance to just kick back and relax…’

He suppressed a yawn. The beanbag was very, very comfortable and he always felt a bit drowsy after eating for some reason. He glanced at the Betazoid, who had his back turned to him. ‘Suder seems like a cool guy, I’m sure he won’t mind if I just…close my eyes…for a couple of minutes…’

A lot more than a couple of minutes later…

“Hey, psst…”

Honney felt someone tapping her on the shoulder.

“What is it?”

“Check it out.” KayB smirked as she pointed to Sikar, who was smiling and mumbling in his sleep.

“Looks like he’s having a good dream.” Honney suppressed a mischievous grin.

“Who’s having a good dream?” They suddenly heard Suder asking behind them.

“Uhm… I did, last night!” KayB hastily said. She still hadn’t entirely forgiven Sikar for his sexist comment earlier (even though he had sworn he didn’t mean it that way afterwards), but she wasn’t going to rat him out to Suder either. The guy was still a fellow student and they might needed him as a ‘decoy’ in case more aliens tried to board the ship in the future.

“Oh, really?” he asked sarcastically when Sikar suddenly let out a rather loud snore. The Betazoid slowly walked over to the sleeping student, and tried to shake his shoulders.

“Hnng… Please Seven, we talked about this… Chakotay would be devastated if…” He trailed off when he finally woke up and stared right into Suder’s black eyes.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGH!”

He shot up and tried to back away, tripping over his beanbag in the process. Flailing his arms, he instinctively grabbed onto the first thing his hands found, which unfortunately happened to be Istarwyn’s hair.

“OWW! OWW! OWW!” she shouted as she tried to keep her balance. Startled, he let go, making her to fall over in the opposite direction and crash into the table, causing a bowl of Doritos to become airborne and land on Suder’s head.

“Uh oh…” they both gulped in unison.

The Betazoid clenched his fists, took a few deep breaths and started mumbling something in Vulcan. After a few minutes, it seemed like he was calming down and everything would go back to normal, until Slayer suddenly let out a suppressed giggle.

“What’s so funny?” he asked in a dangerously calm voice.

She tried not to say it, she really did. It was just that, where her brain wanted to live, her mouth felt the need to commit suicide.

“Well…uhm…”

“Yes?”

“You see…heeheehee…with all those Doritos stuck in your hair… you kinda look like a Kazon! HAHAHAHAHA!” She fell over and started laughing hysterically.

Bad move.

“WHY YOU LITTLE…!”

Suder lunged for the authoress, but tripped over the remains of the table, causing him to land flat on his face in the shattered glass. The students prepared for the worst, but the Betazoid did not get up, not even after they waited a few seconds.

“Uh oh,” Slayer whispered nervously, “I think we killed him…”

“WE killed him?” Yannik exclaimed, but a startled yell from Doec alerted them to the fact that Suder was still very much alive.

“I…CAN’T….TAKE THIS ANYMORE!” He roared as he tried to grab a leg of the table and swung it around.

“Eh guys…what are we going to do now?” Feathergriffin squeaked.

“What every red-blooded earthling would do in a situation like this.” SuperSanne replied calmly.

“And that is?”