Seven of Nine is home, back where she belongs, and I can allow myself to breathe again. After I tucked her into her alcove, I stood and watched her for a while and it was then, as I gazed at her beautiful, young face, so peaceful in repose, that I finally made an admission to myself. I had told Naomi that I was going after Seven because a starship captain never abandons a member of her crew, but that was only a part of the truth. Now, I was forced to admit the whole truth, the reason I can never be totally objective where Seven is concerened: Seven of Nine is my life.

When we were over on that Borg vessel I felt so sorry for her. The queen urging her stay and me urging her to return to Voyager. It was like she was a child being forced to choose between its parents. But how can I tell her that it's not a parent that I want to be to her? How can I tell her how easy it was to make the decision to put the rest of the crew in danger to get her back? How can I admit to her how utterly terrified I was at the thought of loosing her forever? And anyway, do I have the right to tell her how I feel?

Now that I've finally admitted the truth, though, how the hell do I keep it under wraps? What I want to do is be there when she wakes up and tell her there and then, just simply say to her 'Seven, I love you. I'm so much in love with you I can't think straight. Please don't ever leave like that again. I'm not asking you for a comitment or even an acknowledgement of my feelings, I just needed you to know the truth. That's why I came after you, Seven, why I'll always come after you. I love you.'

That's what I want to say but I know I won't, I know myself too well to expect anything else. Oh, I'll be there when she wakes up and it'll be on the tip of my tongue to tell her everything, my heart will be bursting with it, but I won't say it, I'll probably never say it. I'll never find the courage, or the stupidity or whatever the hell it takes to say these things out loud to someone. I'm sure I'll just say something like 'how are you feeling?' or 'good to have you back' and everything will just go on as before. Maybe, if I try hard enough, one day I'll even be able to convince myself I was imagining it. Mentor and protogee, teacher and pupil, friends, that's what we'll go back to. Except in my heart.

The End