Bottom of the Bottles

By: Sforzie and Kadith


Seven of Nine sat in the Mess Hall, reviewing yet another failed attempt at using the Quantum Slipstream Drive. Nevermind that it was Harry's fault, again. She was just mildly annoyed at more failure.

"Fail, fail, fail," Seven muttered under her breath.

"Something wrong, Seven?" a voice came from above. She looked up.

"Nothing, Captain." She squinted at something Janeway was holding. "What's that?"

"Oh, just some leftover champaign from the party," Janeway sighed. "I was going to have Neelix put it in the deep freeze."

"Oh," was all she said. "Why not just drink it, it'll just ruin that way. Next time the ship loses power in this section, the freeze will fail, causing it to thaw."

Janeway shook her head, smiling wryly, "Seven, we don't even have a deep freeze.."

"Oh," she said again, then frowned, "I believe the expression Mr. Kim uses is--my bad."

Kathryn laughed, "I had planned on drinking it, but you should never drink alone."

"I don't know," Seven squinted, "I don't seem to hold my liquor very well."

Kathryn waggled a brow, "All the more reason to practice."

Seven looked thoughtful. "Perhaps you should pursue this topic with Commander Chakotay."

"He's such a stiff," Janeway laughes softly. "He could down the whole bottle and not even get tipsy."

"I do not believe that is true, Captain," Seven replied evenly.

"Well, maybe it isn't. But I know that he's not a good drinking partner."

"From experience?"

"Yes," Janeway's tone told Seven not to continue on that line. She waved the bottle a bit. "So, care to test that Borg strength of yours?"

Seven seemed to think about it for a moment, "You aren't going to take no for an answer, I know THAT from experience, so .. why not."

Kathryn laughed as she poured two glasses, "Finally, you're learning."

Then she could have sworn what sounded almost like a snort come from Seven, she looked up, but the borg's face showed no evidence, as usual.

Seven looked evenly at the glasses. "Perhaps we should take this someplace else."

"Why bother?"

"What if someone else wanted to come into the Mess Hall? Neelix perhaps?"

"Point taken," Janeway said. "Hold still." The Captain went over to a panel and had she, Seven, and the drinkery discretely transported to Holodeck Two.

Seven looked around at the grid. "This wasn't exactly what I had in mind.. but it will suffice."

Janeway picked up the bottle. "We could always run a program."

Seven took a drink from her glass, "Okay..." she shrugged, " which one?"

Kathryn thought about it, "Well if I knew I wouldn't be asking you, would I?"

"Oh yeah, hmm..." She walked around in a circle while she thought about it, "Something with chairs would be good."

"Really, ya think?" Kathryn rolled her eyes and walked over to the circuit panel.

"Yes, I do," Seven replied, looking away quickly.

"I think you're stalling," Janeway laughed. Seven blinked.

"Stalling?"

"Trying to delay our little adventure," Janeway explained.

"Oh. I suppose so." She squinted again. "Just tell the computer to pick one at random then."

"That isn't very like you," Janeway noted.

"Neither is getting drunk with the Captain," Seven said dryly. Janeway snorted a laugh.

"Computer, run a random program." She glanced at Seven. "One with chairs. And a table."

The computer chirped once, twice, then the room evolved around them. What appeared was a corner booth in the back of an old English-style inn, a private booth at that.

Kathryn shrugged, "It has chairs, I guess it'll do."

Seven shrugged, "Okay, pour already."

"I just did."

"Well do it again."

Kathryn shook her head and filled Seven's glass again, "This should prove interesting."

Seven looked around. "Where are we, anyhow?"

"I think it's one of Lt. Paris's programs." Janeway waved the question away. "Quit stalling and drink."

"Is that a command?"

"I can make it one."

"As you wish then," Seven said slowly. She picked up the glass with a slightly trembling hand.

"I think you're nervous," Janeway said with a sly grin.

"That is ridiculous," Seven said, her wide eyes staring at the glass.

"Drink."

Nodding faintly, Seven raised the glass to her lips, and sipped a little.

"That wasn't a drink," Janeway sighed. She leaned back some and downed her glass whole. Seven blinked hard. "That was a drink."

"I do not believe I can do that," Seven stuttered.

"Oh, come on," Janeway grinned.

With a faint sigh, Seven copied Janeway's gesture. She winced hard as she swallowed.

Kathryn chuckled, "I'll make a drinker out of you yet." She refilled both of their glasses, laughing when Seven swayed in her seat.

Seven laughed, "You know, Chakotay really is a stiff." She leaned forward against the table, "And when he thinks no one is looking, he stares at your butt." She snorted and started laughing.

"Is that so?" Kathryn drawled with a laugh. "I think if I get you drunk enough we'll figure a way to get home."

"Irrrrelevant," Seven snapped. She pressed her palms on the table, trying to steady herself.

"Boy, the Doc wasn't kidding when he said you got drunk easy," Janeway said. "This is almost too easy."

"Nothing is too easy..." Seven said, weaving forward unevenly. Janeway set a hand on her arm to balance her.

"Steady filly," she giggled.

"Touch me again and I'll assssimilate your ass," Seven said, staring above Janeway's shoulder.

"I think you need another drink," the captain said.

"No, I think I need my tubules.." She snorted again and cracked up. "We are borg, resistance is .. um... We will assimilate your ass, your uniqueness will be added to my wall." Seven frawned, "Uh, I forget the rest."

Kathryn poured her another glass, "It's a good thing too. So, what else does Chakotay stare at." She sat back, "I thought I'd fixed that little problem."

"He wants to assimilate your ass." Seven looked at her with such calmness.

"Oh does he?" Janeway, pouring herself her own drink. "Maybe you don't need anything more to drink after all." She reached for Seven's glass, but the former Borg snatched it away.

"Gimme that." She downed this second glass and almost immediately fell out of the booth. Janeway leaned over.

"Seven, calm down and sit back up."

After a few attempts Seven managed to sit back up. Her hair had come a bit loose though, and a blonde bang flopped into her eye. She batted at it with a sour expression.

"You will be asssimilated," she slurred. Her eyes closed for a moment, just before her forehead nearly bounced off the table. Janeway giggled.

"So tell me more about the Commander. I'm sure you know more about him than I do."

Seven leaned back heavily against the seat. "Hmm... he wants to assimilate your ass."

"We've already covered that."

"You sure?"

"Very."

Seven looked thoughtful. Well, as thoughtful as a drunk-in-progress drone could get.

"He stares at your chest too, sometimes, during the staff meetings. You're usuawly standing while he's sidding."

"Oh?" Kathryn reached for the bottle, "Do continue."

"Yep," Seven grinned with unusual force. If Janeway hadn't been partially drunk she would have been startled.

"His blood pressure rises to extremely high levels... in his pants."

"His pants?" Janeway made a face. "I don't like the sound of that."

"His pants want to assimilate your ass too."

"Really. Is that why they're always wrinkled?"

"I would believe so."

"Hm, it seems I'll have to ah.. rectify.. this situation."

Seven leaned forward very looking very serious, "Resistance is futile."

Kathryn snorted, "Resistance is anything BUT futile. I'll make him think assimilate."

Seven leaned against the table laughing, "You said butt."

"I guess I did," Janeway said after pausing thoughtfully for a moment. She poured another glass. Seven had taken it almost as soon as she'd finished pouring.

"Hey, that was my drink," Janeway protested.

"Mine now," Seven snorted, and downed this glassful too. She blinked, looked at Janeway, and smiled. "Can I assimilate your butt?"

"Whaaaaat?" Janeway set her re-emptied glass down.

"Bend over so I can assimilate your butt."

"I don't have a butt," Janeway protested.

"Then I'll assimilate your ass."

"I think maybe you've had too much." Janeway held the bottle out of Seven's reach.

Seven began stomping, "I wanna assimilate your ass.. Damnit!! NOW NOW NOW!" She stomped her foot with each shout.

Kathryn arched a brow, "You are not yelling at me."

"Oh, my bad."

A pause.

Seven looked pleadingly. "Gimme the bottle."

"No."

"Gimme!"

"No!"

Seven stretched over the table. "Give me the ass asssss assnine bottle!"

"No Seven!"

Seven was giggling as she stretched. "Assnine. Seven of Assnine. I am Seven of Assnine, and your ass is mine. And it'll be assimilated too."

"Augh!" Janeway cried out as she held the bottle out of arm's length. Seven stretched a little more, and then collapsed suddenly.

"Hmm." Janeway looked down at her, wondering if she'd passed out. Seven was motionless for a moment. Then

"Captain?"

"Seven?"

"Can I see your ass?"

"I... don't think so, Seven," Janeway giggled. Seven pushed herself back into a seated position. With a lot of difficulty Seven managed to push herself into a standing position and stumbled aroudn the table, finally plopping down in the Captain's lap.

She jutted out her bottom lip, "Pwetty pwease?"

Kathryn grunted, "My god Seven you weigh a ton."

Seven grinned and wiggled, "It's the implants." She reached for the bottle, "I want."

"I thought you wanted my ass."

"That too," Seven said quickly. "Bottle first."

"Get off my lap first."

"Aw, c'mon."

"No. I have a fragile pelvis or something."

"What's a pelvis?" Seven looked interested.

"Get off me and I'll tell you."

"Okay!"

Seven got up and sat on the table.

"Your pelvis.. is... like.. opposite of your ass," Janeway said.

"Cool!" Seven looked down. "Do I have a pelvis?"

"You can't tell?" Janeway said.

"Can't see through my boobs," Seven replied in a slurred voice. Janeway giggled.

"Everybody has a pelvis."

"Even commander Chakotay?"

After a moment Janeway shook her head. "No, he doesn't have a pelvis. Just pants."

"Ah... explains why he always goes after the dumb blonde chicks."

"But you're blonde Seven."

Seven looked at the bang waving in front of her face. "Damn!"

Janeway giggled, "But at least you're not a dumb blonde."

"Ooooh, good point. Smack ass! Smack ass with a wet paper towel!" Seven leaned forward giggling hysterically, "I wanna smack your ass with a wet paper towel."

"I don't think we have any paper towels," Janeway noted.

"Hmm. What we gonna do?"

"I don't know. You're the one with all the ideas."

Seven grinned disalarmingly. "Give me another glass and I'll tell you my idea."

"Well.. okay." Janeway poured two more glasses and they each drank. She hiccupped, and Seven's back seemed to turn to mush. She did a rather impressive roll off the table and onto the floor. Janeway leaned over.

"You okay, Seven?"

After a moment Seven opened her eyes. "Just assnine fine."

"So what was your idea?" Janeway asked. Seven looked blank, and the giggled.

"I could assimilate your ass."

athryn blinked, "We already decided that was a no."

"Bummer," Seven blinked staring up at her, "nice boobs, can I assimilate those?"

Kathryn shook her head, "Remind me not to get you drunk again."

"Remind you to what?"

"To never get you drunk again."

"Remind you to what?"

"To never.. get you drunk again."

"Remind you to what?"

"To never.. get you drunk again!" Janeway glared a bit.

"What?" Seven grinned.

"I don't know!" Janeway shouted. "Now get your ass off the floor."

Seven climbed up to the edge of the table. She gave Janeway a puppy-dog look. "Will you assimilate my ass?"

"I can't do that Seven," Janeway hiccuped.

"Why not?"

"Because I don't have assimilating tubie things."

"Does Commander Chakotay?"

Janeway's face twisted in thought. "No. Definitely no tubes."

"Oh." Seven fixed Janeway with a hazy look. "I is the borg, and your ass is nine."

She let go of the table and fell back on the floor.

Kathryn blinked, "Are you okay?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah...I landed on my boobs."

Kathryn leaned forward laughing, "Then you're fine."

Seven sighed, "How depressing."

"What?" Kathryn rolled out of her seat to lie beside Seven, staring up at the ceiling.

"You're mean. You no let me assimilate your ass." Seven rolled over and gave her a pouty look.

"Whiny."

"Yeah." Seven hummed at the floor for a moment.

"But don't feel bad, you still have nice boobs too Seven."

"Big boobs?"

"Yeah."

"Mm." Seven was quiet, and then lifting her arms off the floor. "Look, I'm flying!"

Janeway giggled. "Wish I could do that."

"Well you caaaaan't," Seven said loudly. "You don't have nice big super borg assnine boobs."

"Can I have yours?" Janeway giggled.

"Only if you let me assimilate your ass." Seven yawned, "And your boobs." She giggled, "I'm expensive."

Kathryn snorted, "Tell me about it."

Seven blinked and sat up, "Tell you what?" The question was puncuated by a loud belch.

Kathryn giggled, "That was attractive." She reached for the bottle and topped off her glass, then tried to stand. She ended up getting tangled up in her own legs and sat down hard next to Seven, managing to only spill a fourth of her drink.

Seven fell backwards laughing, "Captain, I do believe you're drunk."

"You're one to talk!" Kathryn cried, looking dazed.

"Yes, I am talking," Seven grinned.

"I'm not drunk."

"Well how much have you had to drink?" the Borgette giggled.

"I don't remember," Kathryn admitted.

"Then you're drunk."

"No I'm not!"

"Oh yes you are," Seven said.

"Are not!"

"Are so!"

"Not!"

"So!"

"Not!"

"So!"

"Not!"

"See! I was right! You're drunk!" She grabbed Janeway's glass and downed the rest of it herself. "And you said I couldn't hold my," belch, "liquor."

Janeway snorted and reached for the bottle, intending to drink from it, but frowned and shook it. "Well, one of us is drunk, the bottle is empty."

Seven scowled, "See what you did. You drank it all, I'm going to tell the crew." She tried standing up, but failed, "Captain Janeway is an alcoholic.."

"Well what do you know!" Kathryn pulled herself up into a kneeling position.

"I know you're drunk, and have a nice ass, and won't let me assimilate it. So I'm going back to my alcove to regenerate!" Seven harrumphed.

"You're a freakin' spoilsport!" Kathryn shouted.

"I am not, I'm just self preserving."

"Then go drink some phermeldahyde," Kathryn snapped. Seven snorted. There was a pause while they got their breath back.

"I can't get up off the floor to leave anyways," Seven finally said.

"Well then getting you drunker can't hurt," Kathryn said desively.

"I thought the bottle was empty?" Seven lay sprawled on the floor, as if she couldn't move if her life depended on it.

"I have a spare. Computer disengage Holodeck safeties, and replicate one bottle of--" she looked at Seven, "I'm tired of Champagne, what do you want?"

Seven blinked, "How the hell should I know?"

"Good point. Computer replicate one bottle of tequila." While the computer chirped away she looked at Seven again, "Without the safeties even holo-liquor can get you drunk." She gave her companion a lopsided grin as the bottle materialized on the table, "And if you want it, you have to get it, cuz I'm not getting up."

"I don't think I have legs anymore," Seven said slowly, looking up at the bottle.

Kathryn lifted her head off the floor. "Sure ya do. Nice long ones."

"Well," Seven slurred, "if you say so." After several tries she go enough off the floor to nab the bottle. With a slight grunt she returned to the floor.

"Here's to Borg ingenuity," Kathryn said as Seven handed her the bottle.

Seven felt around for the glass until she found it, then held it up, "I am the borg, the tequila will be assimilated, resistance is futile."

Kathryn shook her head as she fought to get the stopper out of the bottle, "I've created a monster."

Seven blinked, "I thought Neelix joined the crew? How did you create him?"

Kathryn snorted as she poured, "A smart assed monster at that."

Kathryn poured the glass half full and handed it to Seven.

"That's all I get?"

"Trust me."

"Since when did I do that?" Seven looked annoyed, and down the contents of the glass.

"Well?"

"Urrrr," Seven blinked hard.

Kathryn started laughing, "Breathe Seven, breathe, in, out...there you go." She added a little more to the glass.

Seven coughed, "You're not trying to get me drunk, you're trying to kill me." Then she shook her head, "I'm not Chakotay remember, I'm supposed to live."

Kathryn blinked, "Why'd you have to go and mention him, I was having fun."

"Well at least I can fly a shuttle," Seven muttered.

"Not in that condition," Kathryn snickered, forgetting Chakotay again.

"Well, well..."

"Just have another drink," Kathryn said. She first poured herself a bit, swallowed with a wince. Then she poured some for Seven.

Seven downed her glass quickly, and nearly passed out. After a moment she looked at Kathryn. "Are you my mommy?"

Kathryn looked thoughtful. "I dunno, am I?"

I think you are," Seven said, her eyes glassy and wide.

"Oh," she blinked, "I don't think so."

"How come?"

"How come what?"

"How come you don't think you're my mommy?" Seven looked pouty.

"Uh, well..." she stared at nothing, "well because, I'm...Oh just shut up and drink."

"Okay, works for me."

Kathryn poured another drink for them both, this time a little more than she probably should have.

Seven took the glass with a shaky hand. "If I die after this drink, mommy.."

"Hmmm?"

"You can have my shoes."

"Thanks," Kathryn slurred. "Bottoms up."

They both downed their tequila. Kathryn seemed unaffected, but Seven looked around with paranoia on her face.

"What's wrong?" Kathryn slurred.

"I hear voices!" Seven whispered.

"That's cause I'm talking," Kathryn said.

"No," Seven shook her head, "I hear someone else, lots of voices."

Kathryn blinked, "Okay, no more liquor for you young lady." She took Seven's glass away from her. "Maybe it's time we called it a night, a few hours in your alcove, and you'll be good as new."

"Yes mommy--er Captain, uh Kathryn..." She blinked, "Red, there we go, whatever you say red."

"Red?" Kathryn looked at her carefully.

Seven blinked. "Aaaaah!! Duck!"

"Seven!"

"No! There are three of them! Come right for us!"

There was a pause, then Seven looked at her again. "Captain?"

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Kathryn wondered loudly.

"There is nothing wrong with me." She paused, "Except that I can no longer feel my legs, and I think the room is moving. Is something wrong with you Captain?"

"Yeah, I let you have too much to drink," she pulled herself into a sitting position, then with great difficulty and several tries managed to stand. "Come on," she held out a hand, "I think its time we called it a night."

Seven took her hand, and tried to stand, "Does this mean I get to assimilate your ass?"

Kathryn closed her eyes, "Oh god here we go again."

"Oh c'mon Captain," the heavily drunk Seven whined. "Just one little assimilation."

"I already said no."

"How about just a pat on the butt then."

Kathryn looked thoughtful. "Well, maybe."

"Goody," Seven hiccuped. "Can I have another drink first?"

"I suppose so." Kathryn picked up the bottle. "Lourdes knows I need it."

Seven hiccupped and waited for her turn at the bottle, then tipped it back intent on drinking from the bottle. She came back up sputtering, "Oops," she said as she wiped off her cheek, "I missed."

Kathryn shook her head, "What a waste," then she shackled Seven's wrist and led her toward the exit, "Computer, end program, save."

There was a beep. "Cannot comply."

"Oh come on!" Kathryn shouted. "You've got to be kidding me."

"Safety measures are in place," the computer said.

"But I turned off the safties!"

"Cannot comply," the computer said stubbornly.

"Cappin," Seven said softly. "What's wrong?"

"The stupid freakin' computer won't let us out."

"Did you say pritty please?" Seven looked up with shiny eyes.

"No.."

"Caputer, pritty please end program." Seven stated, stumbling a little and nudging Kathryn.

The computer chirped, and the program disolved around them, "See," Seven smiled, "sall ya gotta do."

Kathryn snorted, "My ship, my computer, I'm not gonna say pritty please to turn off a damned holodeck program."

Seven shook her head and patted her on the shoulder, "You have a lot to learn." Then she started laughing, "You could learn a lot from a dummie."

They slowly dragged each other towards the exit. They finally reached the door, and Seven leaned on it heavily. Kathryn looked around.

"Shit."

"What?"

"We left the tequila bottle."

"I thought you said that we didn't need it."

"Yeah, but it's still there after the program's over."

Seven looked thoughtful. She held up a finger, "I'll be wight back," then she got on her knees and crawled the few feet to the tequila bottle. Kathryn started laughing as Seven heaved trying to breathe, then crawled back with the bottle.

She helped her up, stumbling against the door as Seven leaned heavily against her, "Ya know, we coulda had the computer transport it over here."

Seven shook her head, "Nuh uh, the caputer is mad at you, thinks you're mean." She took a couple breaths, "The things I go through for you, humph."

"I'm not mean," Kathryn whined.

"Fooled the computer."

"But I'm not!" Kathryn cried. She looked pleadingly at Seven. "You know I'm not mean."

"Are you sure."

"Yes!"

"Then let me keep the bottle."

Kathryn stuck her tongue out then upended the bottle, spilling the contents on Seven's head. "There! If I'm so mean you can just wear it!" When the bottle was empty she handed it to her and opened the door, stumbling out of the holodeck.

Seven held onto the doorframe. "You're drunk!"

"You are too!"

"You're an alcoholic!" Seven called. Kathryn staggered a few feet down the hall.

"You're weak!"

"No I'm not!"

"Yes you are!"

"I'm Borg!"

"Well you're still weak!" Kathryn continued down the hall a step at a time.

"Well you're a bitch 'cause you wouldn't let me assimilate your ass!" Seven tumbled from the Holdodeck, and the doors closed.

"Well I said maybe! Then you had to go and call me mean, so now you can't!"

"But why?" Seven whined as she stumbled after her.

"Cuz I said no! I'm the Captain, what I say goes!" Kathryn started stumbling and reached for the bulkhead for support. "Stop talking to me so I can walk."

"I was only kidding before, but now I'm not, you're mean. You're a mean old bitch! I dont' want to assimilate your mean old ass anyways!" Seven harrumphed and attempted to stride past her down the hall, only to get tangled up in her own legs and fall into Janeway. They tumbled to the floor in a tangle of arms and legs.

"I am not mean!" Kathryn whined, "I'm a bitch, but I'm not mean, and I'm not old!"

"You are too old!"

"No I'm not!" Kathryn cried, trying to wiggle free.

"Compared to me your are!"

"You're not that young either!"

"Well compared to me, you're ancient!"

Kathryn made a face. "Now you're the one being mean."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not!" Seven pouted.

"Are too!"

"Not!"

"Too!"

"Not!"

"Not!"

"Too!"

"See, I'm the captain, I'm always right, you're mean!" Kathryn stuck her tongue out and tried to get back up.

"Hey! That's not fair, you can't do that to me!" Seven pouted, "And I wouldn't want that nasty thing in my mouth either, so there!"

Kathryn snorted, "I had no intention of sticking it in your mouth, so I'd say you're pretty safe. And I can do anything I want, I'm the captain."

After glaring at eachother for a moment, they resumed trying to get away from eachother. Despite their efforts, they couldn't get up.

"This is stupid," Kathryn muttered.

"Uh huh."

"Tell you what, you wiggle left and I'll wiggle right, and maybe we'll get apart."

"Okay."

A pause.

"My left or your left?"

Kathryn blinked. "My left."

"Which is your left?"

"Umm...

"Is it that left or that left?"

"I don't know!" Kathryn whined. "Just wiggle away from me!"

"Which way are you wiggling?"

"Right."

"Right?"

"Yes!"

"So which way do I wiggle?"

"Left!"

She wiggled.

"I SAID LEFT!"

"I wiggled left!" Seven cried.

"My left, not your left." They tried it again, without any luck. "Oh for crying out loud," Kathryn finally groaned, "Computer, two to transport to the Captain's quarters." Then she paused, "Please."

The computer whined, then deposited them in the middle of the Captain's floor, "Why I didn't think of this before," Kathryn sighed, "I don't know."

"Cuz your drunk." Seven said, still trying to wiggle away.

"Seven,"

"Yes?"

"Shut up!"

They resumed trying to detangle themselves, and after another few minutes of problems Kathryn managed to inch away.

"Finally!" Seven cried. "That wasn't fun."

"Well being stuck to you was no picnic either," Kathryn said.

"It wasn't?"

"Well, it might've been a little," she said slowly. Seven snorted.

"What are we supposed to do now?"

"Hell if I know," Kathryn muttered.

"I thought you were the Captain?"

"I am."

"So why don't you know?"

"Because Captains don't know everything, they just get to do everything they want." She scooted over to lean against the bulkhead.

"Oh," Seven waited, "What do you wanna do?"

"I don't know what do you wanna do?"

Seven looked thoughtful. "I dunno."

Kathryn drummed her fingers thoughtfully. Seven perked up.

"I know!"

"What?"

"I could assimilate yer ass!"

"Seven!"

Well you asked!"

"So, don't mean I'm gonna go along with it."

"But you said I could!"

"I did?"

"Yeah," Seven scooted closer, "On the holodeck."

"Really?" She looked thoughtful, "well.."

Seven gave her a pouty look and said, "Pwitty pwease?"

"Oh alright, but be gentle."

"Woohoo!" Seven giggled.

"If there is a gentle," she muttered.

"Roll over," Seven said, scooting right up to her.

"Do I hafta?"

"It makes it easier to reach."

"Oh, alright." Kathryn flopped over. Seven looked down with a drunken grin.

"This is cool," she said.

"I don't have to pull my pants down, do I?"

"Nah." Seven tugged her sleeve back. "Now hold still."

"Okay."

Pause.

"Ow! Seven!"

"I said hold still!"

"Seven, that hurt! Get those tubules out of my butt!"

"Those aren't tubules."

"OH MY GOD! SEVEN!"

"Just kidding," Seven giggled.

"You sure as hell better be!"

"Oh come on, I'm still clothed!"

"I don't think that makes much of a difference!" Kathryn looked over her shoulder at Seven.

"You're no fun."

"Get them out!"

Seven wiggled her hand. "Ummm."

"Ummm? I don't need to hear that!"

"What would you say... if I couldn't get the tubules out of your ass?"

"I'll kill you!!"

"Hmm," Seven looked thoughtful, "okay whine baby, am removing tubules."

Kathryn wiggled, "Hey, that tickles!"

"Make up your mind," Seven said as she pushed Kathryn over, "now, you said I could do the boobs too!"

"Oh no you don't."

"Oh come on, it'll be fun!"

"I think we've had enough fun for the night, Seven!"

"One can never have too much fun," Seven said.

"I'd beg to differ."

"Okay, you can beg to differ, if I can beg to assimilate your boobs."

"You'd beg to do that?"

Seven nodded.

"Wow."

"Pleeaze," Seven whined, making little kissy motions on Kathryn's hands.

Kathryn sighed, "Alright, but it better not hurt!"

"Weee, it won't."

"Promise?"

"Promise!"

"Okay, cuz if it does, I'm having your tubules removed."

"Alright." Seven wiggled her fingers as Janeway rolled over.

"I'm glad you don't know anatomy too well," she mumbled.

"Hold still this time."

"I will," Kathryn promised. She gave Seven a nervous glance.

Seven raised her hand over Janeway's chest, squinting thoughtfully. Kathryn closed her eyes and swallowed.

"This isn't normal, you know," she said.

"I know," Seven grinned.

There was another pause, and Seven flexed her hand. A slight yelp came from Janeway.

"Now that... feels... weird..."

"Uh huh..."

"Don't hurt as much as it did in the ass though," she muttered. Seven hiccuped.

"Wimp." Seven flexed her hand.

"Hey!" Kathryn jumped.

Seven giggled, "So shut up."

Kathryn narrowed her eyes, "You're gonna pay later."

"Promises promises."

"How long do you plan to hold them like that?"

"Until I lose feeling in my hand," Seven giggled.

"I might lose feeling in my boob first," Kathryn said with a slight slur.

"That's the whole idea."

"Oh." Kathryn made a face. "Is this supposed to feel good?"

"Depends."

"Does it?"

"I'm still trying to decide. Should it?"

"Mmm," Seven looked thoughtful. "Do you want it too?"

"Give me a minute, I'll figure it out."

"Well?"

"I guess maybe just for a little bit. You know, to see what it feels like.."

"I'll see what I can do." Seven squinted and appeared to concentrate.

After a few minutes Kathryn blinked. "I don't think its working."

"Me neither." Seven sighed and pulled her hand back. Kathryn wiggled a bit, and then rubbed her chest carefully.

"Weird."

"Yeah."

Seven looked thoughtful. "But you know something?"

"What?"

"Chakotay's going to be really jealous if he hears about this."

"You'd better not tell him!"

"Oh, why not?"

"Cuz I don't want him hassling me!"

"Oh, its likely we won't remember anyways."

"Yeah," Kathryn yawned.

They fell silent. Kathryn yawned again.

"Captain?"

"Hmm?"

"I think I should go."

"Maybe you should."

"If I can stand up." Seven grinned. "That assimilating took a lot out of me."

"Maybe it was the liquor," Kathryn suggested.

"Maybe."

Seven grabbed onto the walls and managed to stand up. Kathryn crawled in the direction of the couch.

"Good night, Seven."

"Good night, Captain."

"Let's keep this our little secret, shall we?" Kathryn grinned. Seven smiled back.

"Yes, for now."

"For now."

Seven had herself beamed to the cargo bay, where she took to regenerating. Kathryn fell asleep on the couch in a drunk stupor. And elsewhere on the ship, Chakotay lay awake wondering where his pants had went.



 

the end!