Ravages of Spirit


Janeway stepped with a quiet grace off the turbolift and onto the Bridge the next morning. Chakotay sat, brooding quietly in his chair. Rumors as to what had happened last night were already spreading and evolving rapidly, and Janeway wondered what Chakotay had heard. Or what he had seen. Paris was smirking from his seat at the helm. Janeway walked up behind him, and gave Paris a good smack on the back of the head.

When she turned around, Chakotay was standing, and Seven had appeared. They were carrying phaser rifles and desperate expressions. Glancing around, Janeway realized that everyone was holding a rifle. Paris set the prow of his gun on Janeway's neck.

"Its time to make a decision," someone said. Janeway looked around.

"Make a decision?" she echoed, "about what?"

"You have to choose," Seven said, but there was something wrong about it. Her mouth moved just slightly before the words sounded, and didn't seem to be forming the words that she was saying.

There was a flicker and the floor of the ship melted away into a steep cliff-face. Janeway could still feel the gun pressing into her neck. Chakotay was visible far below, his arms open and waiting. Ready to catch her. Seven stood on the edge of the cliff next to Janeway.

"You must choose." The disjointed voice sounded again. It was Paris this time.

"I can't choose!" Janeway cried, trying to step away from Paris. The floor under her feet began to crumble and fall away. Janeway slipped, and began to plunge down the slope of the cliff-face. Seven bounded forward and grabbed Janeway's hand and held the Captain from the fall. Janeway looked up to Paris, but it was no longer Tom-it was Chakotay. Paris had disappeared, as had the person standing far below.

Seven struggled to bring Janeway back to the surface of the ships floor. Chakotay raised his foot and lowered it heavily on Seven's arm. The woman cried out in pain, and let go of Janeway's hand. She began to fall away.

There was a thump, and a brief jolt of pain. Janeway's eyes flew open. Her breath was short. She sat up in her bed. It had been a dream. With a sigh, Janeway rubbed a hand over her face. It was only a dream.

A few days later, Voyager had taken orbit around a planet, and the crew was partaking on a short period of shore leave. Janeway had left the main group, and was walking by herself. Her thoughts were tumbling wildly. Seven hadn't continued to make unknowing advances on Janeway-but then, the Captain had not given her much of a chance to. Chakotay had been for the most part continually aloof, speaking to Janeway little when off duty. The crew seemed oblivious to these small factors-the usual tension in the air was lacking. The crew was happy, and Janeway was determined to keep it that way.

Janeway had been skirting the area where the crew was rollicking for an hour, when she tripped over a root half-buried in the ground. She fell to the ground, scraping her palms on the earth. Janeway waited a moment until she caught her breath, and then moved her hands ahead to push herself up. But they hit air, and with a cry Janeway managed to scramble to her feet. She grabbed onto the closest tree, and looked out in front of her. She had, quite literally, tripped onto a cliff.

A hand from behind clasped Janeway's shoulder. She nearly cried out in surprise, but managed not to.

"Captain!" Janeway recognized the voice instantly.

"Seven! My Gods you scared me," Janeway said. Seven held firmly onto her shoulder.

"You should be more careful," Seven stated needlessly, glimpsing Janeway's red hands. Janeway smiled sheepishly.

"I tripped, that's all." Seven made no motion for response. "Why are you here?"

"Lt. Paris sent me to look for you. Scanners are not working properly."

Janeway nodded. "I see. Well then, lets get back to camp."

Janeway moved her foot out to leave. There was a pattering noise, and rocks and dirt began to fall away. Janeway stepped back, and held onto the tree. But Seven realized what was happening at precisely the wrong moment, and lost her balance. She toppled forward. Janeway looked on in surprise. Then there was a terrible pain in her legs, and Janeway glanced down for a second to see Seven grabbing her ankles. Janeway's hands screamed in pain against the rough tree trunk, and they released their hold.

Chakotay blinked dully as he entered Sickbay. It had been two long days since the accident at the shore leave planet. Janeway was sitting up, a tad pale but otherwise in far better condition than she had been two days before. The blood and bruises were now long past. She gazed across the room to another biobed where Seven lay gritting her teeth in pain. The woman was unconscious, but even still she flinched as the Doctor moved her legs. Janeway had landed on Seven, increasing the damage to her spinal cord.

"Captain?" Chakotay's voice shook slightly as he approached her, looking away from the Doctor and the former Borg. Janeway blinked, and turned to look at him. Her face broke into a apprehensive smile.

"Chakotay," her voice was hoarse. She patted the spot next to her. Chakotay sat carefully.

"You look better," he said.

"I feel better." The smile melted slowly off her face. She bit her lip and looked back over at the Doctor.

"What about.."

"Seven? She'll be okay, the Doctor said." Janeway looked at Chakotay. "He's repaired the damage to the spinal column, but he isn't sure that there won't be any lasting side-effects." Janeway sniffed, and wiped at her eyes. Chakotay realized that she was weeping, and carefully wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"It's okay," he whispered.

"I feel so guilty," Janeway mumbled.

"It was an accident," Chakotay said, "don't be so hard on yourself."

"I am being hard on myself, aren't I?" Janeway smiled again briefly, but then bit her lip. "I was afraid that she was going to die."

"But she isn't."

"No. But I still can't help it."

He patted her shoulder. "It was only an accident, Kathryn. Just... be happy that she'll be alright." Janeway looked up at him.

"I am, Chakotay. I am."

A week of nights later, the holodeck was up and running with the ballroom. There was no official dance in progress, but almost two dozen crewmembers had gathered to get instructions on a few dance steps from one of the holographic dance instructors. Chakotay sat at one of the tables set on the back edge of the dance floor, sipping a mug of coffee. He laughed to himself as Kim, Paris, and Torres tripped over each other's feet and landed in a heap on the floor. There was a steady flow of people coming and going, but Chakotay sat up some when he noticed Janeway and Seven of Nine entering the holodeck.

Seven was clutching Janeway's arm as they entered. She was walking with a slight limp, her right ankle rolling out awkwardly with each step. Seven's jaw clenched occasionally, and Janeway finally led her to a chair, and pulled out a hypospray. She whispered something to Seven, who nodded. Janeway pressed the hypospray against Seven's throat. After a moment, she got her feet, the pain gone from her expression. She thanked Janeway and tested her feet. With a satisfied nod, Seven turned and looked at the dance group.

"Captain, would you like to dance?"

"Are you sure you're up to it, Seven?"

"Yes."

"Well then..." Janeway said something quickly that Chakotay couldn't decipher. Seven nodded, and then made their way over to the group, which was just beginning to pair up. The instructor brought up a singer and a song, and then began barking out instructions to his pupils.

"What ravages of spirit conjured this temptous rage
Created you a monster broken by the rules of love?
And fate has led you through it
You do what you have to do
And fate has led you through it
You do what you have to do"
 

Chakotay paled as he listened to the words of the song. Janeway let Seven take her hands, a leader everywhere but on the dance floor.

"And I have the sense to recognize
That I don't know how to let you go"
 

The words branded themselves into Chakotay's mind. He felt his stomach turn slightly.

"Every moment marked with apparitions of your soul
I'm ever swiftly moving, trying to escape this desire
The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
And I have the sense to recognize
That I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go"
 

Janeway and Seven glided over the dance floor. They were totally lost in each other, and Chakotay was despondent by what he saw in their faces. Janeway's expression was intent and earnest. Seven's expression was less subdued--marked with an unabashed ardor.

"A glowing ember, burning hot and burning slow
Deep within I'm shaken by the violence of existing for only you
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do"
 

Chakotay didn't remember when he started crying, but he felt his eyes sting as they danced. He rubbed at them ineffectively with one hand, and crooked his head down. They might have not been able to see it, but he wasn't blind. It was clear to him that her heart had slipped from his grasp, but even so, the realization of it hurt him greatly.

"And I have the sense to recognize
That I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go"
 

An eternity seemed to pass by after the song ended. And then, a hand fell gently on Chakotay's shoulder.

"Excuse me sir," a gentle female voice spoke. Briefly confused, Chakotay looked up and the out. Janeway and Seven were moving slowly off the floor, deep in a silent conversation. He looked back. A tall woman bearing a concerned expression looked down at him. "Are you alright, Commander?" Chakotay recognized her as Lt. Moretta, from Stellar Cartography.

"I'm fine, Lieutenant," he assured her.

She nodded, and began to walk off, but paused. "If you wouldn't mind?" Chakotay looked back up. "I'm supposed to be dancing with Ensign Burrows, but he has a duty shift. You wouldn't mind being my escort, would you? It would just be for a few sets."

Chakotay wanted to say no at first. But the realization from minutes before flickered in his mind, and he decided that there was no point on hoping that Kathryn would come back now. So he pushed back his chair, and got to his feet.

"I'd be glad to.."

"Alexandra," said Lt. Moretta, "but call me Alex."

"Alex," Chakotay smiled faintly.

Lt. Moretta laughed, "shall we dance?"

Out of the corner of his eye, Chakotay spotted Janeway and Seven again. He nodded. "Of course."