Recurrences (Part Two)

Chakotay had listened in silence. She wanted his advice and if confessing everything was what it took to get Seven out of that awful place, she was willing to try.

She was disturbed by his stillness. “Speak to me, Chakotay.”

“It certainly explains a few things,” he finally managed, then added quickly. “About why she would attack an unarmed civilian, seemingly without provocation.”

“Oh, she had provocation alright!” declared the Captain.

Chakotay held up his hands. “I’m not disputing that, but why have you waited this long to say anything? Surely you should have told this to the authorities when she was arrested?”

Kathryn’s cheeks burned with rage, she stood up. “I did! And you know what they said?” she stormed out from behind her desk, slapping her laptop closed. “They said that according to Simaga law, same sex relationships don’t count as ‘proper’ relationships – therefore she can’t have been provoked at seeing me being man-handled!”

Chakotay stared at her in disbelief.

“I know!” she exclaimed. She stomped up the stairs to her sofa and deflated onto it.

Chakotay stood and moved towards her. “I don’t know how we can fight this Kathryn, but we will. We’ll get her back.”

Kathryn smiled warmly at him; she needed to hear that right now. “Thanks Chakotay.”

* * * * * *

Her visits to the prison are the high and low point of each day. Seeing the initial spark in Seven’s eyes, the ex-drone rushing forwards; a force field separating them, exchanging looks of love and assured words about the impending trial, which steadily fell into looks of despair and words of pessimism.

Kathryn was only allowed a brief time with Seven and even then, they were never alone. She hated to admit it, but sometimes she was grateful for the restricted visiting hours. The ex-drone was not coping well with her confinement; she was emotionally erratic and prone to temper tantrums; it was difficult for Kathryn to witness.

Janeway couldn’t tell where Seven’s outrage at being forced to play Tsunkatse ended and her anger for being imprisoned began. Sometimes she thought they overlapped, joining forces and bursting out of her with more force than that beautiful body could handle.

The Captain longed to hold Seven, promise her the universe would be a safe place once again; but it was not in her power.

Now in her third week of incarceration, Seven had run out of energy, all hope had fallen away and her eyes accepted defeat. Now, with no words that hadn’t already been uttered, they sat watching each other. The guard on Janeway’s side of the force field didn’t understand, he thought she was insane for showing up every day. But Kathryn couldn’t leave Seven; no matter how painful it was to watch the Borg’s deterioration.

* * * * * *

He sat in the Ready Room. His ready room, staring at a padd. Somewhere in the midst of all the chaos, Kathryn had handed command of Voyager over to him and withdrawn into a world of her own. His mind wondered over the last few weeks, how he could have done things differently… better…

They had contacted a Simaga Legal Councillor immediately, one of the best in his field. The outcome wasn’t promising; their Councillor had managed to get Seven’s sentence lowered from life to five years, should she be found guilty.

Kathryn had taken the news quietly. She had nodded her understanding whilst physically diminishing in her seat. She did not speak for the rest of the briefing. When the Councillor left, she retired to her quarters, not to be seen until her visit to Seven the following day.

Chakotay called by her quarters to check on her; he got as far as the door. From outside he could hear crying and smashing. He consoled himself that at least she was venting some of her frustration; he refused to intrude and left. If he could, he would gladly suffer this grief for her but knew the gesture was meaningless since it was impossible.

He didn’t know how to broach the subject or if he even should. What happened between the Captain and Seven was their business, but he wanted to help Kathryn. With every visit to the prison she grew more despondent. She wasn’t eating, she could hardly bring herself to drink a cup of coffee, grey circles were forming under her eyes and her dishevelled hair and uniform were becoming a regular fixture.

Only yesterday B’Elanna had informed him that she had seen Janeway wandering the decks at some ghastly hour, mumbling to herself about a statue. He worried that maybe it would have been better if she had retained command of the ship – it might have kept her busy: a distraction.

* * * * * *

They hadn’t spoken in four days, twelve hours, sixteen minutes and forty-nine seconds. Seven eyed her lover carefully. “You look pale,” she said matter-of-factly.

Kathryn nodded; her Astrometric’s Officer was the one person she didn’t want to hide from. “Just tired,” Janeway replied, attempting that crooked half-smile.

Seven frowned. “I am sorry,” she leaned forward, wishing she could touch Kathryn. She knew she could convey all she felt in just one touch.

Janeway scowled. “Sorry? For what?”

“That I brought you to this…”

Janeway shook her head fervently. “This isn’t your fault.”

“But you blame me,” stated the ex-drone.

Kathryn glared at her in bewilderment. “Where did that come from?”

Seven looked at the floor. “From you,” she said dejectedly. “You obviously do not want to be here and I would rather you did not come, if pity is what keeps you with me.”

Kathryn recoils, speechless and stung. After a moment, she bursts with rage. “I can’t believe you just said that! To me?” she stands up. “Pity you? How dare you – I’m trying to be supportive – trying to show you how important you are to me - and this is what I get in return?”

Seven gazes at Janeway, eyes shimmering with fear.

Kathryn leant forward; she could hear the low hum of the force field as she spoke. “What do I have to do? How can I convince you? Isn’t it enough that you’re in here – why must you push everything to the limit? Why do you make it so difficult?” the Captain’s tone betrayed the nervous tension that had become part of her every-day life, she couldn’t rein it in anymore. “Is it easier for you this way? Is it easier to hurt me than it is to let me love you?”

The ex-drone fixed Janeway with a detached stare. “You say I won’t let you love me but you are the one who comes here everyday, without your heart in attendance. I think you leave it behind on purpose.”

Kathryn sat down, her tone softening. “And why would I do that?”

“To protect yourself… from me... from the probable outcome of my trial.”

Janeway crossed her arms defensively. “If I were trying to protect myself – why am I here now? If I care so little… Why would I put myself through this ordeal?”

“To alleviate your guilt,” came the cool reply.

“What guilt?” Janeway snapped, shifting uncomfortably in her seat.

“Guilt for severing me from the Collective, for forcing me to join Voyager, guilt for making me feel affection for you… of being in my thoughts incessantly. I can endure this place alone, Kathryn, but only if I have the hope of one day holding you again... and you have taken away that hope. You will leave me when I am convicted, you will start your journey back to Earth and I shall have lost you.”

Kathryn reached her hand towards the force field; Seven mirrored her action.

“I will not leave you, I promise,” Kathryn whispered.

Seven smiled sadly. “I am afraid that you will not be able to keep that promise.”

* * * * * *

It was the first morning of the trial. Kathryn was edgy. She couldn’t do up the buttons on her blouse. Her hands shook violently, her stomach felt hollow. She wanted it to end. Then castigated herself for thinking this. But she did. She wanted it over. Either way. It had to end; she was beginning to forget what it was like not to hurt. Guilt had faded and now grief was her constant companion. Her need for Seven and her desire to get the crew home clashed with what she would have to do if Seven was convicted.

The odds plagued her mind. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and shuddered at the frail woman gazing back at her. She barely recognised herself; her face was drawn, her body undernourished, she looked terrible.

She cursed herself for being so weak. It was a wonder Seven wanted anything to do with her, some partner she’d turned out to be – feeble and emotionally undependable. Kathryn sat on the edge of her bed, tears spilling onto her cheeks. She felt their salty warmth and didn’t react.

Slowly she pulled herself to her feet and dragged her weary bones over to the sink in the bathroom; she splashed cool water over her face. She stared at the haggard woman in the mirror, she had to pull herself together, for Seven.

* * * * * *

Kathryn didn’t need to be a Simaga judge to know things weren’t going well. There were too many witnesses citing Seven had instigated the attack, no one had heard or seen Osenu attack Janeway.

She sat in the front pew of the courthouse, Seven directly in front of her… almost close enough to touch… if she just leaned forwards and stretched out her hand…

She longed to trace that lean neck with her finger tips, to run her hands through that blonde mane, whisper words of hope in her ear and kiss those soft lips. Instead she glanced down at her clenched hands.

* * * * * *

The court hearing lasted two days in all and the judge took another day to make his final decision. As they waited silently in the courthouse, every movement seemed painfully slow.

“The defendant will rise,” Ordered the adjudicator.

Seven obeyed.

“I have given this case much consideration, and it is my opinion that the defendant did not intend to kill Osenu Marlejika, however, she did purposefully inflict injuries upon him and that is a crime we feel very strongly about on Simaga. I find the defendant Seven of Nine guilty under Simaga law 28.94.2,” the judged looked directly at Seven. “I hereby sentence you to five years imprisonment, pending parole in the fourth year. Motion carried.”

The Voyager crew fell into a fearful hush and then the courtroom broke out into a ruckus of objections. Seven leaned forward, resting her hands flat against the bench for support. Kathryn half sat down, half fell. Her back slumped and her shoulders collapsed. Her mind over-loaded with fragmented conversations and images of her life with Seven before the trial… of how happy they had been… of their future together… One instant, one second, one word ‘guilty’ had taken everything from her.

The ex-drone turned to look at the crushed woman that was her Captain, her saviour – but Kathryn’s eyes were dull and empty. Seven felt tears stream down her face, she only cared about being separated from Kathryn.

* * * * * *

She worried him. She was silent on their return to Voyager; he had never seen her this low. She went straight to her quarters, he left her alone for a time, then decided it would be better to monitor her. He didn’t trust her alone and so he posted a security team outside her quarters, then paid her a visit. As he entered her quarters, she looked at him with a clear gaze that cut right through him. He had never seen someone in so much pain. He took a step towards her, the doors closed after him. A moment passed in silence and she drew herself to her feet, that old air of authority returning slightly to her frame.

She turned her back to him and looked out of the port window, clasping her hands behind her back the way Seven would have. When she spoke her voice was firm. “I have come to a decision. I will not change my mind.”

He heard her inhale, as if for strength.

“I am staying,” she said plainly.

Chakotay tilted his head, not quite acknowledging this.

Sensing his uncertainty, Kathryn looked over her shoulder at him. “I am staying on Simaga. I have found an apartment close to the prison, it will do in the meantime. I may be able to get employment at the science facility in the town centre, I’m highly qualified, I’m sure it won’t be a problem.”

Chakotay shook his head and rushed towards her, she turned and looked out of the window. Her lips pursed firmly together. He already knew there was no use in trying to change her mind, but he tried anyway. “Kathryn – think carefully about what you’re doing – what you’re giving up!”

“I have,” she looked directly at him. “And it’s nothing to what I would be leaving behind.”

He put his hands on her forearms. “If you stay, you’ll probably never see Earth again, your family – friends – the federation… Everything… everything that’s ever meant anything to you.”

Kathryn took a ragged breath; her decision had been difficult. “None of that matters if I don’t have her to share it with,” she paused as her friend fell into despair. “Can you understand that? It has no meaning, unless I’m with her.”

Chakotay saw she was earnest, he couldn’t understand, but he could see how overpowering their bond was. He had to let her make this decision, she had earned that right.

He nodded sadly. “I will agree on one condition.”

Kathryn raised an eyebrow. “Which is?”

“You move into this apartment, Voyager will stay in orbit for a month with no contact. If after that time you still wish to stay, I will give the order to resume our course home.”

She consented.

He decided to leave while she was still being reasonable, he headed for the door.

“I won’t change my mind,” she called after him.

The finality in her tone resonated in his ear as he left.

Kathryn returned her gaze to the stars. For the first time since this nightmare had begun, she smiled. She smiled at the thought of seeing Seven everyday, of their being reunited when she was released, of beginning a new life together. She wondered where they would end up. Maybe they would settle on a nearby planet, maybe continue their journey to Earth, maybe… there were many options, she would worry about them when Seven was by her side.

Kathryn’s grin widened, to know she had a future with Seven, that was all she needed. She moved into her bedroom and began packing. She would address the crew tomorrow morning, leave Voyager for good, inform Seven of her decision and begin her new life.

* * * * * *

The crew fought back tears as the Captain finished her farewell speech. The crew was deeply grieved; they were losing two members of their family at once. It was difficult to bear. They watched as Kathryn stepped down from the podium, wiped away tears and turned from them for the last time. She walked into the corridor, the doors closed behind her and no one spoke.

* * * * * *

Kathryn waited in the prison cell, twirling the long stemmed purple flower playfully between her thumb and forefinger. She breathed in its scent and smiled faintly to herself.

Seven entered her side of the barrier. She was in a standard green Simaga prison uniform. Her tall form was slouched, her eyes showing evidence of crying. Kathryn’s heart immediately constricted within her chest. She held the flower-up; Seven gazed without understanding at her lover.

Kathryn smiled warmly, the joy reaching her eyes and sparkling in a way Seven had almost forgotten.

“I brought this for you,” the former Captain said softly.

Seven took her seat, Janeway also sat.

“A ‘going-away’ present? I do not want it,” Seven retorted; too weary to sound snappish.

“I told you, I’m not going anywhere without you,” replied Kathryn.

Seven watched her closely. “My sentence is four, maybe five years,” Seven stated, as if Kathryn had forgotten.

Janeway nodded, she knew the time would pass slowly but she would be patient, she would keep herself busy.

“You will be home by the time I get out of here,” Seven said disheartened.

“I am home,” Janeway corrected.

Seven looked startled.

Kathryn broke into an enigmatic grin and tilted her head. “I came to tell you… I’m staying. I have an apartment a few streets from here, I’ve got a job with the National Simaga Science Team and I have a life-time supply of coffee unpacked and ready to go!”

Seven stared at her in astonishment, finally managing to stutter. “…But …what - Voyager…?”

“Will be setting sail without me,” Kathryn’s smile faded. She knew she was making the right decision but she would miss her substitute family. They had pulled her through some rough times.

“The crew?” Seven read her thoughts.

Janeway gazed into the crystal eyes that had captivated her from the first. “I think they understand,” she replied. “I’m staying and when you’re released, we can begin again.”

Seven laughed with relief and then wept for joy.



 

~The End~