With Me

She is afraid of me now.

I tried too hard, gave too much, ran circles around the moon for her. Just for her. Anything for her.

I said all I felt. She asked me to leave.

My cybernetic dream has become a nightmare. I used to watch her sleep; now she locks the door.

She won’t play velocity, spends her time with others. Told me I always beat her and should get a worthy opponent. Now I play the game alone: I don’t want a replacement.

I was in the shuttlecraft today; I burst into tears. Memory is a strange thing. Images returned of that day when I brought her home, stopped her leaving us, leaving me. The day I almost kissed her.

My thoughts are of her, always, yet I am without hope. I have love, jealousy, but hope has deserted me. She has deserted me.

She used to come to me for advice, now she asks him. I hate him. I want to hurt him. Squeeze his heart till it bursts, like mine. He finds it hard to look at me. She’s told him what I told her, I can tell. There’s an intimacy between them that wasn’t there before. I created it. I gave her to him.

The familiar gleam in her eye when she looks at me is gone: Absent. Vacant. Hollow.

Space surrounds me; it fills me. I seem to talk in tongues: no one understands me. But I don’t care; I’ve resigned myself to it. Everything changes. Everything ends.

She called me names. Horrible names. Said I had abused her trust, abused her.

“I love you,” I said, over and over. She tried to run. I tried to stop her. She cried, yelled, struck me. I held onto her tightly, but she pushed me away.

Others have noticed the change: how could they not? No one says anything.

Love is a splintered thing.

I am free from responsibility: of her, to her, from her. I want her to be as far from me as possible because she does not want me.

I know not what to do. So I do nothing. I wait. One day I will be free from her; one day.



 

~The End~