Small Dreams of a Scorpion

Commander Chakotay once described my nature in terms of a scorpion - a poisonous invertebrate with a sting in its tail. The entire crew, save for its Captain, instinctively feared me. They were insolent beings, with chaotic ways. They feared themselves worthy of assimilation, as if their meagre imperfections would be added to Our own. Janeway tore me from my technology, my power, my perfection, and thrust me head-first into humanity. I wanted to destroy them, to destroy her. She stripped me bare of my armour plating, made me vulnerable and human, exposed. Captain Janeway turned me into a scorpion without its casing. Everything that I was, she stole from me. No choice. I hated her, no matter how irrelevant the emotion, I was filled with indignant rage. I wanted to assimilate Janeway, to make her feel the sting in my tail, as Commander Chakotay had so claimed that I would. There was no-one who could repair me, this broken drone; Seven of Nine.

I believe that I still want to do so now. Although the years have passed and I have learned more about humanity, I still feel that I am one alone.  The Captain soothes away the edges of that fear.   I admire her, and I worship her.  Janeway has taken her place in my collective as my Queen.  She gives me the perfection that I had as a drone, and order to the turmoil that I feel.  When I sleep, I dream of green and Janeway.  It is worship and lust and love and perfection and nanoprobes.  She has claimed me, even in my veins.  We are a collective of two, in my scorpion dreams.

I dream of her assimilation. I want Janeway to be Borg, like me.

I stand now outside her quarters.  The doors hiss open, and the dark flows out as I walk in.  Osmosis.  I assimilate the Captain gradually.

The Captain says, "It's customary for people to knock before entering Seven, you know?"

"I am aware, Captain."

She is turning, now.   The yellow glow of the wall lamp illuminating her face and hair, and I think again of lust and love and nanoprobes.  I am emboldened by her presence.  I think that maybe, she has always been my Queen.  I want her to know how much she is desired by me.

"Seven, are you okay?"

"I am…undecided, Captain."  I want to raise my fingers up and touch them to her hair.  I want to bend my face to hers and touch her lips to mine.  I want to feel her heartbeat against my chest and I want to press her at the seam of her pants until she grows warm against my hand, and sighs my name.  Not Annika, but Seven of Nine.  I do not know which of these things I want to do the most. I want to do all of them, and none.  My cortical node is racing with the possibilities.  Now that I am here, I am no longer quite so bold.

The Captain is watching me with deep concern.  Her hands are heat and electricity through my clothes.  My nanoprobes, they are clamouring to meet her touch and I feel as though I may burst out of my skin. I feel her touch, as always without my scorpion's shell, I am vulnerable in her presence.  Such is the strengh of the way she moves me.  Janeway guides me to her couch and sits with me.  Her hands and knees are now touched, close to my own.  She is worried now. 

"Seven, please tell me what's wrong?"

I try to tell her what I feel in words, but I am unable to comply.  I feel my eyes grow wet with frustration and tears, but I do not cry.  Instead,  I show her what I feel with actions, rather than my inefficient words.  I show her how I want to touch my fingers to her hair.  I show her how I want to press her mouth to mine. She is heat and soft and perfection. I weave my bright green scorpion spell. Janeway stops me in the middle of the second kiss. Her breathing comes in quick, light pants.

She asks me, "Seven, I…where did this come from?"

She holds her hands against my shoulders with sweating palms.  My fingers are still crumpled in her hair.  I do not understand why she is questioning me now, she never resisted me in my dreams.  My green spell is broken and my courage is once again gone.  I let my fingers fall quickly from the bright red pieces of her hair.  "I am sorry, Captain."  I tell her, shaken.  "I was not…" 

The heat of her hands burns me and I am unable to finish.  I stand up abruptly, away from her touch and I move away towards her cabin doors.  "I have to leave."  I am mortified, what have I done?  I flicker my eyes to hers where she is still sitting upon the lounge with her arm held out still, in shock, to me. 

"Seven, wait!"

I am already at the doorway, with the light moving out and the darkness seeping in.  I look back once, in panic. I need to get away from here, I long for the cocoon of my scorpion shell.. "I was in error, Captain.  I cannot…"

And I leave.