Small Dreams of a Scorpion
Commander Chakotay once described my nature in terms of a scorpion - a poisonous
invertebrate with a sting in its tail. The entire crew, save for its Captain,
instinctively feared me. They were insolent beings, with chaotic ways. They
feared themselves worthy of assimilation, as if their meagre imperfections would
be added to Our own. Janeway tore me from my technology, my power, my perfection,
and thrust me head-first into humanity. I wanted to destroy them, to destroy
her. She stripped me bare of my armour plating, made me vulnerable and human,
exposed. Captain Janeway turned me into a scorpion without its casing.
Everything that I was, she stole from me. No choice. I hated her, no matter how
irrelevant the emotion, I was filled with indignant rage. I wanted to assimilate
Janeway, to make her feel the sting in my tail, as Commander Chakotay had so
claimed that I would. There was no-one who could repair me, this broken drone;
Seven of Nine.
I believe that I still want to do so now. Although the years have passed and I
have learned more about humanity, I still feel that I am one alone. The Captain
soothes away the edges of that fear. I admire her, and I worship her. Janeway
has taken her place in my collective as my Queen. She gives me the perfection
that I had as a drone, and order to the turmoil that I feel. When I sleep, I
dream of green and Janeway. It is worship and lust and love and perfection and
nanoprobes. She has claimed me, even in my veins. We are a collective of two,
in my scorpion dreams.
I dream of her assimilation. I want Janeway to be Borg, like me.
I stand now outside her quarters. The doors hiss open, and the dark flows out
as I walk in. Osmosis. I assimilate the Captain gradually.
The Captain says, "It's customary for people to knock before entering Seven, you
know?"
"I am aware, Captain."
She is turning, now. The yellow glow of the wall lamp illuminating her face
and hair, and I think again of lust and love and nanoprobes. I am emboldened by
her presence. I think that maybe, she has always been my Queen. I want her to
know how much she is desired by me.
"Seven, are you okay?"
"I am…undecided, Captain." I want to raise my fingers up and touch them to her
hair. I want to bend my face to hers and touch her lips to mine. I want to
feel her heartbeat against my chest and I want to press her at the seam of her
pants until she grows warm against my hand, and sighs my name. Not Annika, but
Seven of Nine. I do not know which of these things I want to do the most. I
want to do all of them, and none. My cortical node is racing with the
possibilities. Now that I am here, I am no longer quite so bold.
The Captain is watching me with deep concern. Her hands are heat and
electricity through my clothes. My nanoprobes, they are clamouring to meet her
touch and I feel as though I may burst out of my skin. I feel her touch, as
always without my scorpion's shell, I am vulnerable in her presence. Such is
the strengh of the way she moves me. Janeway guides me to her couch and sits
with me. Her hands and knees are now touched, close to my own. She is worried
now.
"Seven, please tell me what's wrong?"
I try to tell her what I feel in words, but I am unable to comply. I feel my
eyes grow wet with frustration and tears, but I do not cry. Instead, I show
her what I feel with actions, rather than my inefficient words. I show her how
I want to touch my fingers to her hair. I show her how I want to press her
mouth to mine. She is heat and soft and perfection. I weave my bright green
scorpion spell. Janeway stops me in the middle of the second kiss. Her breathing
comes in quick, light pants.
She asks me, "Seven, I…where did this come from?"
She holds her hands against my shoulders with sweating palms. My fingers are
still crumpled in her hair. I do not understand why she is questioning me now,
she never resisted me in my dreams. My green spell is broken and my courage is
once again gone. I let my fingers fall quickly from the bright red pieces of
her hair. "I am sorry, Captain." I tell her, shaken. "I was not…"
The heat of her hands burns me and I am unable to finish. I stand up abruptly,
away from her touch and I move away towards her cabin doors. "I have to leave."
I am mortified, what have I done? I flicker my eyes to hers where she is still
sitting upon the lounge with her arm held out still, in shock, to me.
"Seven, wait!"
I am already at the doorway, with the light moving out and the darkness seeping
in. I look back once, in panic. I need to get away from here, I long for the
cocoon of my scorpion shell.. "I was in error, Captain. I cannot…"
And I leave.