Always, for the first time

Thursday's Child
 

It may have been physically impossible, but the two men standing in the Ready Room felt as if they were being boiled alive. Captain Kathryn Janeway had marinated them in one of her piercing glares for a full five minutes before deigning to speak.

“I’m not going to launch into a long sermon about your behavior,” she said sternly, “but I will say this: I expected better of you.”

The petite Captain steepled her fingertips as she paused to let them take in her words. “You were the men that Seven trusted the most on board Voyager. Now, I only hope you two won’t be the first men she regrets.

The Doctor opened his mouth to explain, but Janeway quickly cut him off. “I don’t care what you were thinking or what your intentions were. I’m not just angry, I’m disappointed. I had always thought you were gentlemen… Dismissed.”

Kathryn massaged the bridge of her nose as her CMO and her helmsman exited her ready room as quickly as possible. She could feel a massive migraine coming on. She had been with Tuvok for the past two days, forming diplomatic ties with the Kati and ironing out trade agreements. It wasn’t that she was unused to diplomacy; it was the fact that the negotiations had to be conducted in such a puritanical environment and in such exactingly proper language. To return to her ship and find that the Doctor had been trying to turn Seven into a courtesan while Tom Paris had been goading him on and betting on the outcome had been the proverbial last straw.

She would never have intervened had it been any other crewman, but this was Seven of Nine. If it were someone with experience, someone who could hold her own in an arena of emotional conquests, it would be different. If only she were less difficult… less intelligent, less literal, less sensitive, and less brimful of that soft opalescent vulnerability.

With a twinge of guilt, Kathryn had to admit that this whole mess was partially her fault. She had been late for her meeting with the Kati ambassador, amused by the sheer volume of Seven’s field research on B’Ellana and Tom, and flirting with her exquisite Astrometrics officer.

“Have you ever considered trying it for yourself?” She had said in a saucy voice. Seven had glanced at her questioningly and Kathryn had smiled. “Romance, I mean.”

Kathryn groaned. Why, why couldn’t she remember to keep her big mouth shut when it came to Seven? What the hell had she been thinking? Naturally, the young woman had plowed into the prospect, taking her words at face value. What else had she expected?

“Seven of Nine to the Captain.”

The chirp of her communicator sounded shrill in her ears, as she tapped it absently. “Yes, Seven?”

There was an audible pause. “You asked me to contact you as soon as I finished my shift, Captain.”

“Oh, yes. I…” Kathryn fumbled. What was she supposed to say? Hi, I heard you had a terrible date; I want to comfort you, make sure you’re all right, and have a legitimate excuse to see you for more than a velocity game… so would you have dinner with me?

“Captain?” Seven asked.

“Oh… I’m sorry Seven, I was just a bit distracted.” She replied. “I was wondering if you’d like to join me for dinner.”

“Certainly. I will meet you in the mess hall immediately.”

Kathryn took a steadying breath. “I actually wanted to have dinner on Holodeck 2. Maybe at around 2030?”

“Holodeck 2?” Seven echoed.

The Captain tried to keep her voice nonchalant. “I just wanted to continue the conversation we were having before I left for the negotiations.”

“I see.” Seven replied. “Your offer is… acceptable.”

“Good. I’ll see you then… Janeway out.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When the doors of holodeck 2 opened to the sight of a casually clad Kathryn Janeway, Seven felt her breath catch in her throat in a very un-Borg like fashion. She seldom saw the Captain in anything but her command uniform, and Seven found that she took pleasure in the times that the Captain was in civilian clothes. Tonight she was wearing grey slacks and a white cowl-necked blouse that seemed to accentuate the Captain’s every curve. Seven began to regret that she hadn’t inquired about the attire for dinner.

“Aren’t you going to come in, Seven?”

“I simply noted that I am inappropriately dressed.” Seven explained. “I shall return quickly.”

“Oh no, Seven.” The Captain said, quickly catching Seven’s hand in her own. “What you’re wearing is just fine.”

Seven cocked her head to the side. “Your uniform would not have been fine?”

“I’m more comfortable in this. Are you comfortable in your bio-suit?”

“Yes.” Seven replied.

“Then let’s go.” Kathryn grinned.

They stepped into the holodeck together and Seven noted that they were on a slow-moving boat. “Are we consuming our meal on board this vessel?”

“No, Seven,” Kathryn smiled. “This is the ferry to Tiburon, which is a small harbor town near San Francisco.”

Kathryn stretched her arms slowly and leaned forward against the railing. “I could always see its lights winking at me from the window of my apartment.”

Seven mimicked the Captain’s position, leaning out and looking towards their destination. A cool breeze swept off the shore and lifted the Captain’s hair of her nape, and the smaller woman shivered and unconsciously drew closer to her. Seven fought the impulse to put her arm around the Captain, to keep her warm.

“Do you ‘miss’ this location, Captain?” she asked softly.

“Yes, some times more than others.”

“But this is not your home.”

“Oh Seven, I love Indiana… I love being with my mother and my sister. I love the fields and trees I used to play in… but San Francisco is my home too.” Kathryn mused. “I suppose you could say that it’s the home of my adulthood. This is where I found myself, and where, in a sense, I lived my dreams.”

Seven said nothing, merely noted the timbre of the Captain’s voice, and wondered if she would someday speak of Voyager in that manner.

“I suppose you think it’s inefficient to take the ferry to Tiburon instead of using the transporter, or for that matter, simply programming the holodeck to open onto the island.” Kathryn said after a moment of silence. “But I’ve always loved taking the ferry. There’s something about being on the water, hearing the waves and feeling the wind in your face that relaxes you and helps you think.”

Seven turned to look at the Captain, she was behaving differently tonight… The Captain would speak to her, of course, and they would argue often, but this was one of the few times that she would talk and share things with Seven.

“Why did you choose this setting?” Seven inquired.

“Oh I needed a change of scenery, I suppose. The negotiations were… exhausting.”

“If you are tired, it would be better to continue our discussion at another time.”

Kathryn smiled. “Talking with you doesn’t tire me out, Seven.”

They fell silent as they looked across to the west. Seven was mesmerized by the sight of the Captain’s face framed by the colors of the setting sun. The sky was tinged amethyst. It had a brightness that burned behind the long clouds and made them glow around the edges. Around them the bay shimmered like a cloth of gold.

“Thank you for sharing this with me.” Seven said quietly.

“My pleasure, Seven.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The ferry pulled into the slip, and Kathryn took Seven down Ark Row, pointing out the houseboats which had been beached and converted into shops and restaurants. She was pleased to see the younger woman relaxing. Seven had been even more reserved than usual since her close brush with re-assimilation. Kathryn worried about her more often than she would have liked to admit. Although Seven was infuriatingly stubborn, there was also something so fragile about her. She had this unnameable quality that made Kathryn want to treat her gently. She gazed at Seven idly, smiling as the wind ran through her hair and rushed into their mouths as they spoke. Her hair was held in an elegant French twist, the color of warm honey in the winter, the color of evening sunlight in the summer. She walked like a song sung without accompaniment.

“Seven, I’m taking you to the best restaurant on the island.” Kathryn grinned, as she swung her arm upwards in an arc to encompass the small building. The wood paneled interior was visible from the large windows. The tables were covered with simple burgundy table cloths and there were sprigs of cypress and pine cones on the walls.

“Thursday’s child?” Seven asked, reading the prominent sign that seemed embossed into the façade.

A voice spoke from behind them. “It’s from a very old nursery rhyme our parents used to bore us with.”

Seven watched with veiled fascination as the Captain turned abruptly and emitted a peal of laughter before embracing the woman who had spoken. Although the woman was taller than the Captain, with deep brown hair and green eyes, Seven could detect a similarity in their features.

The Captain smiled. “Seven, this is my cousin Daphne.”

Seven nodded and accepted the hand the holographic woman extended, feeling slightly stupid.

“Please call me Daffy, since my nomadic cousin will never use my real name when we’re together.” Daffy said with an infectious grin. “Pleased to meet you, Seven. Katie doesn’t bring too many people to Thursday’s.”

“Why would I punish anyone with your food?”

The hologram only rolled her eyes. “Come in and warm yourselves. It’s getting a bit nippy out here, and my wife will have my head if I don’t start helping her in the kitchen.”

“Your wife?” Seven asked as they walked in to the restaurant.

“Yes.” Daffy replied. “I’m sure Katie hasn’t talked about anything but astrophysics, philosophy, and Starfleet; but some of us actually do have families.”

Kathryn laughed. “How is Tyana?”

“Sit down and you’ll eventually find out.” Daffy said, waving at several patrons as she walked in. “Take your regular table and we’ll come join you after the crowd lets up.”

Seven’s eyes widened in surprise as the Captain’s hand rested on the small of her back, gently guiding her to a booth in the corner. Seven allowed the gentle pressure, partly because she was having difficulty processing the unexpected variables that presented themselves for her analysis… not the least of which was the Captain’s strange and yet oddly soothing behavior.

“You come here often.” Seven stated.

“To the holodeck?” The Captain’s eyes twinkled. “Not really. But I run this program from time to time... Do the characters bother you? I could remove them from the simulation.”

“That will not be necessary.” Seven replied. She remained quiet as she observed the way the Captain interacted with her “cousin”. Daffy seemed to anticipate the Captain’s needs perfectly, providing her with a glass of mulled wine and adding more wood to the fire without exchanging a single word with the Captain. Seven wondered whether this was a product of programming or if the real Daffy was similarly attuned to the Captain’s wishes. Seven found herself desiring that ability as well.

“Try the hot cider.” Kathryn urged.

Seven obediently took a sip from the ceramic mug that Daffy had placed in front of her. “It is pleasing.”

The Captain smiled and they sat in a companionable silence for some moments. Seven read the writing that was painted on the opposite wall.

Monday’s child is fair of face
Tuesday’s child is full of grace
Wednesday’s child is full of woe
Thursday’s child has far to go
Friday’s child is loving and giving
Saturday’s child works hard for a living
But the child that’s born on the Sabbath day
is blithe and bonny, good and gay

“My aunt used to recite that to all of us when we were growing up.” Kathryn explained. “Daffy and I were Thursday’s children… because we were always dreaming and exploring. It didn’t surprise anyone when we both got our commissions.”

“She is in Starfleet as well?” Seven asked.

“Yes, she’s with JAG. Daffy’s explorations tend to have a radius from wherever her family is.” Kathryn said. “Especially since they had Niall. Daffy dotes on him… Seven, am I boring you?”

“No.”

“You seem distracted.”

“I am confused.” Seven admitted. “The Doctor did not inform me that individuals of the same sex could pursue a relationship.”

Kathryn blinked quickly and stifled a groan. She had a good idea why he hadn’t included that salient fact in his lessons. “The Doctor hasn’t had much experience with relationships of this sort. And he might have assumed that you already knew.”

“This changes the parameters of my research.”

Kathryn brought her hand to the bridge of her nose. “Seven…”

“I will not perform ‘field research’ on the crew, Captain.”

“Good.” Kathryn replied slowly. “Seven, when I suggested you try romance… I didn’t mean for you to take a crash course in dating.”

Seven cocked her head to the side, and Kathryn tried not to stare too deeply into the young woman’s blue eyes.

“It was efficient.” Seven stated.

“Yes, Seven… but this aspect of humanity isn’t.” Kathryn sighed. “Dating… romance… it’s very complicated.”

Seven raised her implant in tacit agreement. “Although the Doctor’s lessons were tiresome, they were instructive. I wished to know how to behave in these situations.”

“Why? You’ve never been concerned with propriety before. You used to think it was inefficient.”

Seven looked away, unwilling to meet the other woman’s eyes. Kathryn waited patiently; knowing that if she stayed quiet for long enough, Seven would be forced to fill the silence.

“Captain, why did you want me to know about romance… and love?”

Kathryn trembled as Seven’s lips caressed those syllables. “For humans, and for a great many species, love is… well, it’s everything. It’s perfection. Individuals are never perfect, but love can be.”

She paused to sip her wine, watching Seven ponder her words.

“And this behavior: small talk, dancing… this romance is necessary in order to attain love?”

“No, Seven.” Kathryn said, shaking her head and unconsciously reaching over to place her hand tenderly on Seven’s wrist. “Romance can be part of love, but you shouldn’t confuse love for romance.”

Kathryn spoke bemusedly, as if Seven weren’t really there. “You can waste so much time looking for the perfect lover, instead of trying to create the perfect love.”

Seven looked at her intently, and Kathryn blushed as she realized she was rhapsodizing.

“Perfection is an unacceptable goal in this activity?” Seven asked.

“Not unacceptable, just ill-advised.” Kathryn insisted. “Love is not a meritocracy, Seven. You don’t have to behave in a certain way in order to attain it.”

“It would be sub-optimal not to behave in a manner that would not encourage the other person to care for you. It is prudent to present one’s ‘best foot forward’ and to sublimate any undesirable qualities… all my research to date points to this conclusion.”

“Seven, you should never feel that you have to hide anything from the one you love; you only need to be yourself.” Kathryn said quietly. “If someone really loves you, it will not matter what you wear or what kind of mood you’re in or if you don’t have perfectly compatible interests.”

“The Doctor told me that these were important considerations.”

“They’re not as important as trust, fidelity, a sense of humor, and enough humility to compromise…”

“The components of a friendship.” Seven observed.

“That’s usually the best place to start.” The Captain replied. “Romance isn’t as important as the underlying friendship between two people.”

“Then what is the purpose of romance?”

“Well, it’s just… nice… to be taken care of sometimes.” Kathryn hedged. “And well… when you care about someone deeply, you want to make them feel special, to let them know how you feel.”

Seven opened her mouth to speak but the chirp of her communicator cut her off.

“Celes to Seven of Nine, please report to Astrometrics.”

Kathryn tilted her head with a rueful smile. “Go ahead, Seven. I’ll order dinner for us.”

She watched Seven leave the holodeck, mesmerized yet again by the subtle grace and the nascent tenderness in her movements.

“That girl has no defense against affection, Katie. You be good.” Daffy interrupted, putting down another glass of mulled wine.

“Me?”

“Me?” Daffy mimicked. “Yes you, Janeway. You’re the one she’s dating.”

“We’re not dating. She’s just a good friend.”

Daffy rolled her eyes as she sat down. “Ah yes, this is only a friendly dinner.”

“I’m serious.”

“So am I.” Daffy replied. “There’s more than friendship there, on both sides. I can see it in the way you look at each other, the way that you talk to her… and the way you touch her.”

“The point is moot, Daff. She’s my astrometrics officer.”

“And so you insist on sticking to a regulation that hasn’t even been officially codified? It’s not even actionable.”

“It’s not done.” Kathryn said with finality.

“When the hell has that stopped you?” Daffy asked. “Stop masquerading as a scorn-eyed anti-romantic. Love is seldom answered by love in this universe. You should be insanely grateful.”

“You talk as if I’ve never been intimate with anyone before. “

“You haven’t.”

“What are you talking about?” Kathryn asked, her patience wearing thin.

“Katie, you always keep yourself separate. You keep working to maintain that artificial boundary with other people, especially with your lovers.”

“I’m a Captain.”

“You’re a coward.” Daffy retorted. “You’re scared of admitting your feelings about her… because to know there is a choice is to have to make that choice.”

Kathryn was torn between throttling the hologram and telling the computer to remove the character.

“I just want you to be happy, Katie.” Daffy said softly. “I love you.”

Kathryn sighed and wondered how she had programmed this with such accuracy. “I love you too, Daff. I just…”

“Don’t like hearing the truth.” The hologram finished, flashing a brilliant smile.

Kathryn shook her head ruefully. “She’s been having such a hard time adjusting to her humanity, to the ship, the crew, the command structure… She’s not ready for anything like that.”

“Did she tell you that?”

“Well, no but…”

“Then why not just see where it goes and enjoy your evening.” Daffy said sagely. “Why not just let life take you where it will for once? You didn’t use to be afraid of sailing blindfolded.”

Kathryn smiled sadly. “That was a different time, different person.”

“She’s still in there… behind the Captain and beyond Kathryn.” Daffy replied. “Why not leave them outside for a while? Just for tonight.”