Always, for the first time

Fleeing the gauntlet
 

Seven found herself averting her eyes from the Captain’s as they continued their meal. The smaller woman had been quiet, often looking at the sculpture Seven had created and smiling so brilliantly at the young borg that Seven could feel her stomach tingling and her face becoming progressively warmer. She wondered if the cider was to blame for these irregular reactions to the Captain’s patent delight.

“Seven,” Kathryn asked quietly, “what are you doing tomorrow night?”

“Nothing of note, Captain.” Seven responded. “Routine diagnostics of Astrometrics and performance reviews of the staff for Commander Chakotay.”

“Oh.” Kathryn mumbled. Seven could pass off the diagnostics to other crewmen, but the performance reviews would have to be on time. In fact, she had a pile on her ready room desk that she had to go over.

“Do you require assistance, Captain?” Seven asked. “I can finish my tasks upon the completion of the beta shift, if that is convenient for you.”

“I… ah… No, Seven. I’m fine. It’s just…” Kathryn said uncertainly.

Seven tilted her head and raised an enquiring eyebrow at the Captain. “Are you sure my gift has no defects?”

“Oh no, Seven. It’s beautiful.” Kathryn replied quickly. “It’s just that… well, the Christmas season is about giving things to the people you care about, and I want to give you something as well.”

“You give me many things, Captain.” Seven said softly.

Kathryn shook her head, her red hair dancing in the fire’s glow. “Perhaps I don’t give you enough… you know I can’t return the gesture. A present from me could be viewed as favoritism. But it just occurred to me Seven, that all the time we have together is spent doing things that I like and that I’m interested in.”

“You do not engage in recreational activities often because your duties as Captain frequently preclude relaxation.” Seven pointed out. “I am happy to accompany you in any of these pursuits when you have sufficient time.”

“That’s just it, Seven.” Kathryn insisted. “I’ve been selfish with my time, perhaps rightfully so, as you point out, but you work just as hard as I do, and we should do what you like… once or twice.”

Seven raised an eyebrow primly as the Captain grinned at her.

“Come on, Seven, you must enjoy doing other things during your spare time.” Kathryn prodded.

Seven dropped her gaze and responded shyly. “I have recently begun to study recreational activities native to the Alpha Quadrant that the crew enjoys pursuing.”

“Such as?”

“The Doctor has recently encouraged me to develop my interests in music, but I have also begun some preliminary holodeck experiments in a variety of games and sports.” Seven elaborated. “Many of them are not sufficiently challenging such as Kal-toh, Scrabble, Hockey or Paresi Squares. However some have required an increasing amount of effort to play well, both mentally and physically, such as Andorian dueling.”

“You duel?” Kathryn asked with surprise. “Seven, I had no idea.”

“I have found that Andorian duels in the classical style outlined in the Ushaan are much more structured than ancient Terran fencing.”

“I seem to recall that they don’t allow counterstrikes, only parries and blocks.”

Seven nodded, pleased that the Captain was familiar with the sport. “However, the leeway is significantly increased in the widespread form of off-world legal dueling that combines both Terran and Ushaan rules. The activity is…” Seven searched for a word. “Exhilarating.”

“Are you any good?”

“I believe the holographic Master would grudgingly admit that I am adequate.” Seven said confidently. “His judgment is not accurate, however, since I had to change many of the existing parameters of his instruction in order to account for my increased strength and stamina.”

Kathryn’s laughter filled the holodeck. “Seven, this is wonderful. You realize of course that you’ll have to show me your moves now. Do you use the Andorian Chaka, an epee or a saber?”

“I find I am ‘partial’ to the saber because of its directness and efficiency at cutting an opponent down. The Chaka is also useful as it allows me to punch, slash, chop and thrust with equal ease.” Seven admitted. “However, I have yet to find a weapon that is suitably efficient for my style of dueling.”

Kathryn smiled. Seven’s honesty and guilelessness, the young woman’s complete lack of false modesty, were always so refreshing.

“Do you fence, Captain?”

Kathryn gave her a sheepish grin. “When I got to the academy, Seven, the last thing I wanted to do was take up another traditional sport. I’m afraid that the Velocity court is the only place I can spar with you. But I happen to know that Lt. Jabari from the Bioneural Engineering lab was the Academy’s classical fencing and kendo champion for years until she joined the Maquis. Have you ever considered having a match against her? Chakotay tells me she’s quite a duelist as well.”

“I…” Seven blanched. “Lieutenant Jabari is part of the reason I included Andorian dueling on my list of recreational sports.”

“Oh?” Kathryn asked, not immediately seeing the connection.

Seven sighed. “Lieutenant Jabari’s brother, Commander Akia Jabari, was assimilated during the battle at Wolf 359. As she is one quarter Andorian, there is a statistical probability that she may one day challenge me.”

Kathryn started in her chair. “Seven, Ramla’s father was my professor in Fundamental Xenodiplomacy and Ramla is possibly the most soft-spoken and tolerant individual on board aside from Neelix!”

“The statistical probab-“

“Seven,” Kathryn interrupted, “you can’t tell me that you’ve factored in the possible disapproval of each individual crew member into your hobbies.”

“Only their reactions to my presence on board.” Seven retorted hotly. “I have enhanced senses, Captain. I know what this collective says about me as I walk among them.”

“Oh Seven…” Kathryn said, bringing her hands to her temples as she tried to massage the pain she felt gathering like nimbus clouds within her skull.

“There is no need to pity me, Captain.” Seven’s voice was laden with steel. “I am quite capable of performing my duties and defending myself, if the need arises. I have no plans of attacking the crew.”

“Seven, I just feel bad that...” Kathryn began to explain, but she was stopped cold by Seven’s expression.

“I have found, Captain, that I dislike pity as much as I dislike small talk.” Seven stated. “It is an inefficient waste of time that denies reality and prevents action. The crew of Voyager often feels pity for those they consider beneath them, and conduct small talk only when they are uncomfortable around strangers. All this was unnecessary with the Borg.”

“Alright, I’ll grant you that they’re neither the most efficient nor the most politically correct of behaviors.” Kathryn replied, holding a hand up to forestall Seven’s interruption. “However, pity often stems from compassion. Small talk and social discourse may seem a meandering way of getting to know one another better, but it is clearly less abrasive than point blank questions about one’s interests and views. You must have certainly believed that or else you would never have taken my suggestion about dating.”

Kathryn paused to take a breath, glad that she had gotten the conversation back on track. Seven had that strange expression on her face again, and heedlessly Kathryn decided to plunge on. “Now, I’m not arguing that the Borg aren’t paragons of efficiency, but if we applied their efficiency, if not their methods, to all human interaction you would skip all pleasantries and social interactions that are the foundation of any worthwhile relationship.”

“But then copulation could ensue immediately.” Seven interrupted and it was Kathryn’s turn to turn pale before she recovered her train of thought.

“Well, Seven, that would be true, but there’s more than just sex involved when you have a relationship, especially one that you intend to last for long time.” Kathryn explained.

Seven looked at the Captain curiously, as the smaller woman continued with her argument.

“Which brings me to the one glaring flaw that I see in the Collective,” Kathryn elaborated, “the Borg completely fail to address the interior dimensions, the subjective and intersubjective realms -- which was why a species that possess this specific failing, even depend on it, is such a threat to the Queen and to the whole concept of the Collective in general. And make no mistake, Seven, our individuality is certainly a threat…. In fact, social niceties such as dating are inefficient precisely because its true value cannot be reduced to mere external components like efficiency and functional fit. The reason we manage to thwart the Collective again and again is precisely because we continue to value these interior dimensions, and that has allowed us to evolve past the point which the Collective is the exemplar – rationality.”

Seven pondered this as the Captain took a sip of her now cold glass of mulled wine. The young woman remembered the many times the Captain managed to hatch an unorthodox plan through sheer intuition that would have taken far longer to even consider with rational decision making, probabilities and computing. Seven recalled the countless times Commander Chakotay's vision quests provided the answer to Voyager’s dilemmas, and how Tuvok turned to meditation and Vulcan tenets, even though he was the most logical member of the crew.

“Even your sculpture is proof of my point, since it’s only incidentally functional and primarily an aesthetic undertaking.” Kathryn said, bringing Seven’s attention back to the matter at hand. “And that’s why I love your gift, Seven. The drone I met last year would have scoffed at this and deemed it irrelevant. But there is so much more of you in this gift, Seven, than I would have ever anticipated. You could have easily replicated a standard cuboidal receptacle for my pips, but instead you put so much effort and time… so much of who you are as an individual into its creation.”

"So what matters in this date," Seven said, "is not what we hope to achieve at the end, but it is the pleasure that we derive simply from being in each other's company? I had not considered that before, primarily because I would view it as an inefficient use of my time."

“Precisely, because of the lack of, or the poor returns of, any external consequence of the action, yes… I…” Kathryn sputtered, nearly choking on her wine. “Date?”

The Captain’s gaze followed Seven’s as she belatedly realized how possessively tender her grasp on Seven’s hand had become. Had she been holding Seven’s hand all night?

“Is this not a date, Captain?” Seven asked in a quiet voice that went to the Captain’s heart.

Kathryn swallowed, opting to remain silent for what seemed an eternity. “I… would you like it to be?”

“No.” Seven paused. “According to the Doctor, dating is a human ritual wherein two people share a social activity, get to know each other, and in time it can lead to a romantic involvement and eventually if all goes well, even marriage.”

Kathryn felt her blood draining from every limb and rushing to her face as her heart shot up to her larynx.

Seven smiled slowly. “When I am with you, Captain, I find that I do not want to think or analyze our activities or my place in this collective or my future in the Alpha Quadrant. Being with you is like a sun shining only for me. It pleases me to be in your company. I also derive pleasure from who I am when I am with you, because you seem to like who I am. I am content to enjoy you, to enjoy the moments I am with you, no matter what activity we are engaged in.”

Seven’s eyes suddenly broke contact with the Captain’s as her palm turned over to hold the smaller woman’s hand gently. “I… I find that I enjoy it when you hold my hand and when you touch me. I wish to touch you as well.”

Kathryn knew she was going to faint, wake up in her own bed, or hear the red alert klaxons go off… possibly all three. She looked at Seven and refused to believe that the younger woman had just stood up and gently urged her into a standing position.

Seven nervously put an arm around the Captain’s waist, and, not sure of what to do with the hand that held her own, simply placed the Captain’s hand on her heart as she closed the distance between them.

Kathryn watched, mesmerized as Seven leaned down haltingly, the young woman’s mouth getting closer and closer, and she felt her eyelids drooping -- only to fly open again in surprise as she felt Seven’s lips brush -- not her mouth, but her cheek... and then her jaw line. Soft, velvet kisses that caused her to tremble ever so slightly in Seven’s arms, as the young woman held her tenderly.

“Computer, end program.” Kathryn said hoarsely, using Seven’s momentary surprise to extricate herself from her embrace.

The glass sculpture, placed securely on the holographic table, fell to the floor and shattered immediately after the holograms dematerialized.

“Seven, I…” Kathryn said, turning from the remains of her Christmas present to the horrified look on Seven’s beautiful face. “I’m sorry. I can’t. I… I’m so sorry, Seven.”

Kathryn ran out of the holodeck, oblivious to the curious stares of passing crewmen, tears burning in her eyes as she realized that she would never, ever be able to forget the heart rending pain in Seven’s eyes and that nothing would ever be the same.