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Kathyrn Janeway of the Starship Voyager looked at an image that she thought she may never see again in person.  For a long seven year journey, she held onto the hope that she would eventually one day return her ship and crew home to the Alpha Quadrant and see in person the image that she now saw.  

The only problem was that she wasn't really there to see it in person.

She had gotten her crew home with the help of her future self who returned to help her complete her mission early.

Captain Janeway's eyes welled with tears as she watched the blue orb floating in space and she embraced the impossibility of her current situation.  She commanded the bridge and answered Admiral Paris's hail on autopilot.  "It will all be in my report sir."  She didn't even stop to consider the practical obstacles to writing that report.

She mentally shook herself and squared her shoulders for what she had to do next.  She knew she didn't have much time.  Certainly not nearly enough time for all that needed to be said.  

"All hands this is the Captain"  she began her address to the crew pivoting in place to make eye contact with each of her senior officers as she spoke.  "Let me be the first to welcome you back to the Alpha Quadrant.  I have been proud to serve with each and every one of you.  I want you to remember eachother as you return to your families and take different paths in your lives.  Most importantly know that the choices I made to return this ship to the Alpha Quadrant were mine alone and if there was any other way, I would have considered it.  None of the senior staff were aware of my plans prior to this moment.  It was my responsibility alone to return this ship and the finest crew in the fleet back home.   I will miss all of you, the rest of my trip won't be the same without you.  Computer Close channel."  

The bridge crew looked toward their Captain with confusion, which turned to shock as she appeared to distort and flicker before their eyes.  No one seemed to understand what was happening.  

Right before her image flickered once more and was gone, Captain Janeway said, "Computer initiate Janeway departure1."

It didn't take long before Chakotay jumped up and begin shouting orders trying to locate the Captain.  The reports that he received were not encouraging.  The Captain had disappeared just as the last of the transwarp corridor collapsed.  He didn't believe in coincidence and those two events occurring at the same time meant only one thing, and that is that Captain Kathryn Janeway was on the other side of the corridor and transmitting her image to the holoemitters on the bridge.  The only question he had was why?

He traced down the computer program that the Captain activated prior to her departure and discovered it was an elaborate mail program that included documents that needed to go to Starfleet, field promotions, and a number of personal letters to the crew and to family and friends.  He could only conclude that she hadn't been kidnapped, had gone willingly, and had prepared for her depature.  

So Chakotay did the only thing he could think of after he discovered the missing shuttle.  He told everyone to read their mail from the Captain and prepare for a senior staff meeting in an hour.

The staff adjourned to read their letters from the Captain and to try to piece together the reason why she would stay in the Delta Quadrant alone.  

Chakotay couldn't fathom reading his letter from the Captain either on the bridge, or even worse, in her ready room.  He handed the bridge over to Tuvok, knowing the Vulcan could read the letter in front of the bridge crew without embarassing himself.  Chakotay practically ran to his quarters on deck 3.

Arriving in his quarters, he activated his computer terminal and activated the screen, "Chakotay, I know this is going to be hard for you to accept.  I hope that you will come to understand that I had to do this and that I didn't tell you because I knew you would try to stop me.  I want you to promise me that you will take care of the crew, especially Seven.  Please no matter what happens between the two of you, be there for her since I can't.  I am transmitting flight plans, contact schedules, field promotions, and other essentials directly to you.  Thank you for everything you have done over the years on this voyage my friend, but this last leg I must make alone."  

Seven of Nine was much more efficient in returning to her cargo bay to activate her personal workstation and view the contents of her letter from her Captain.  She was experiencing emotions she couldn't identify while she made the trip and her mind raced trying to make sense of the new information.  

As she activated the message, she held her breath "Seven, I have so many things to tell you and I had hoped for so much more time.  This is not the way I wanted to say these things to you.  I am so proud of you and all that you have overcome.  I always planned on being in your life to help you and support you, even more so after we reached earth.  Apparently, fate didn't have that in store for us in either timeline.  I am sorry to leave you alone, but I know that you really won't be alone.  You will have Chakotay.  I asked him to always be there for you and to be for you what I was to you.  I don't know if that is possible, but I know about the holodeck experiments.  I'm sorry, but I looked into it when you were not fulfilling your duties.  I realize you are in love with him, even more so when Admiral Janeway told me about your future marriage.  I have to admit to you, the thought made my heart stop and my stomach fall because there is something you don't know.  Something I have worked hard to hide because of my position as Captain.  I am in love with you Seven and have been for a long time.  I wish you all the best in your new life with Chakotay.   Know that however far apart I am from you, you are never far from my thoughts and I will love you ultimately and completely in all of this lifetime and into the next.  Take care of eachother."

As the viewscreen faded to black, Seven didn't even move.  She was too shocked to even formulate a sound or figure out what to do with this information.   But as her cortical processor went to warp trying to integrate this information, a puzzle that was incomplete and slightly out of focus suddenly popped together and so many little things that happened over the years between her and her captain began to make sense.  As she thought more, she realized there were more than just little things and pictured the times the woman walked through the gates of hell itself to save her.

As the senior staff filed into the conference room, the sadness and tension seemed to seep into the room with them.  As Chakotay took reports from each of them regarding the contents of the letters, there was no question as to the reason why the Captain remained.  

Her older counterpart knew that in order for Voyager to return home, someone would have to remain behind in a shuttle to anchor the transwarp conduit.  Initially, Admiral Janeway planned that role for herself thinking it only fitting that she should be the one to be marooned in the Delta Quadrant to live out the rest of her days.  When Captain Janeway insisted on the destruction of the transwarp corridors and the Borg Queen herself, the Admiral knew she would not be able to fulfill both roles so they hid the necessity of someone remaining behind from the crew.  

Captain Janeway in her last act as Captain of the USS Voyager, returned her ship and crew safely home and in the process accepted the price.  The price is a life of exile in the Delta Quadrant, alone with nothing but a Starfleet shuttle.

Their bittersweet arrival to earth with the loss of their Captain was overwhelming for most of the crew.  There were family reunifications, field promotions and through it all the sense that something was missing.

Even as the crew began to separate and live new lives, the calculations were made for the monthly transmission to the Delta Quadrant and plans were made to be present or tuned into a feed when contact was made with the lone lost Captain in the Delta Quadrant.  

Two crewmembers inparticular had every plan to be present for that transmission.  It would be almost a full month before the transmission, and a lot could happen in a month.

Time passed quickly, as it often does when there is much to do.  Seven of Nine immediately began reconsidering and re-evaluating the important relationships in her life.  When Voyager initially returned to Earth, Seven was terrified.  She was terrified of the vast numbers of individuals she would have to interact with and adapt to, she was terrified of leaving Voyager, and mostly she was terrified of facing a new life alone without her Captain.

It seemed only fitting that seven days after Voyager's triumphant arrival in the Alpha Quadrant, that all of the crew disembarked for the last time, including Seven of Nine.  Chakotay was assigned quarters at Starfleet headquarters and he insisted that she stay with him.  Arrangements were made to move her alcove to their new quarters, and she soon found herself living with her new boyfriend.  It all happened so quickly, it seemed that she didn't have any say whatsoever in the plans that were being made for her future.  She attended debriefings, and there were questions and concerns regarding her borg technology and her ability to assimilate others.  When she arrived back to her quarters before Chakotay, she would pull out the PADD on which she saved the Captain's message, and listen to it again in disbelief.  She still could not believe the words she heard.  

She began researching the topic of same gender romance.  Such as pairing was never openly discussed or expressed to her.  She simply had not considered it a possibility.  She had no reference point, no perspective, yet the closer she tried to become with Chakotay, the more she realized it wasn't him that she wanted.  He didn't make her heart race or her palms sweat.  None of the things that the database said she should be feeling were the result of his presence.  She felt lost, with a gnawing ache somewhere in her middle that drove her thought to the lost Captain again and again.  

Mostly she wondered why Chakotay never discussed with her the contents of the letter he received from the Captain.  She came to the conclusion that it had more to do with his feelings for the Captain that he had never resolved.  

It was on the ninth day after returning to the Alpha Quadrant that she prepared dinner for Chakotay and planned a difficult dinner conversation for him to go along with his pasta.  She had decided that avoidance was inefficient.   So it was with her usual tact, when his fork was midway to his mouth that she announced, "You are in love with Captain Janeway."  Chakotay's eyes bulged a bit, but he remained silent simply lowering his gaze to the table.  Seven took this as an admission and continued, "As am I."  At this, his eyes swiftly flew back and met hers with a look of utter confusion.  Unrelenting Seven continued, "What did her letter to you say?"  Seven was silently hoping that Chakotay had not received the type of message from the Captain that she had, wondering to herself if it was possible for the Captain to be in love with two people at the same time.  Chakotay looked at her and after a long pause replied, "She asked me to take care of you and thanked me for my help over the years."  Seven felt a wave of relief wash over her, but had to be sure, "Did she say anything else?"  Chakotay gave her a suspicious look while replying, "No, why what did she say in her letter to you?"  Seven immediately replied, "She apologized for cutting our time together short and for leaving me alone and she said that she is in love with me and has been for a long time."  All Seven heard was a strangled gasp before Chakotay fell over onto the carpet, still clutching his pasta filled fork.

It took her a few minutes to revive him, and a few more minutes for him to pack his belongings and requisition new quarters.  He decided it was the gentlemanly thing to do considering the borg alcove that was installed in his livingroom.  He decided right then and there that he would honor Kathyrn's last request of him and look out for Seven's best interests.  In a bout of selfless honesty he also admitted to her how he went to Kathryn after their first kiss, hoping that she wouldn't turn him away again.  Even Seven could see how that made her his second choice, a distraction, a diversion.  So they parted ways that night and Seven began to think in earnest about being with Captain Kathryn Janeway.  The only problem was, Captain Kathryn Janeway was half a galaxy away.

In the days following her breakup with Chakotay, she filled her time with research toward only one goal, which was bringing Kathryn Janeway home.  It was only logical for her to seek out the most efficient way of accomplishing her goal, and so she approached Dr. Leah Brahms of the Theoretical Propulsion Group.  Seven reasoned that the only way that she would see Captain Janeway again in this lifetime, is if she created a breakthrough in transwarp technology.  She worked daily to the point of exhaustion, only stopping to consume required nutritional supplements and regenerate.  Despite her best efforts, her thoughts frequently returned to the plight of the lone starship Captain and fears regarding her welfare.  Even the strongest of humans is quite frail without the safety of their collective, and her Captain was alone.  

Regardless of how many hours she worked with the transwarp technology, she was unable to stabilize the corridor and simulation after simulation ended in a fiery ball of simulated starship explosion.  As the days turned into weeks, her frustration grew.

On day twenty-seven, contact with Captain Kathyrn Janeway was scheduled to occur at 0430 hours.  Seven of Nine was the first to arrive, and she reasoned it was only efficient not to allow herself to be late due to unforeseen circumstances.  Other former Voyager senior staff members and family members were linked into the feed, although they were located all over the Alpha Quadrant.  Seven, however, wanted very much to be in the room in person when the connection with the Delta Quadrant was established.  Even Lt. Barclay appeared excited as he attempted to establish contact with the only crewmember left behind.  

The excitement that permeated the room quickly changed to alarm, soon followed by disappointment and resignation as the minutes ticked by, and it was clear that the window of opportunity was quickly slipping away.  Seven tried to assist the team struggling to reach into the Delta Quadrant, but eventually even she had to admit it was hopeless.  

It was a with a heavy heart and an entirely unfamiliar and decidedly unpleasant sensation in the pit of her stomach, that Seven slowly left the facility and returned to her quarters.

Somehow Seven arrived in her quarters, not remembering the trip and seriously considering that her cortical node was malfunctioning.  She soon discovered that her optical implant was also malfunctioning, as tears streamed down her face and she slowly slid down the wall as she began sobbing with only her alcove to witness her huge wracking sobs.

It was several weeks later, when word reached Seven that Starfleet would attempt another transmission to the Delta Quadrant due to an unexpected array alignment.  Again, Seven was early in arriving and although she attempted efficiency and appeared her normal borg contained self, she felt anything but contained.  She hoped for some confirmation that her Captain and friend was safe.  Briefly she considered the wisdom of removing her emotional failsafe device, as she felt completely unprepared to deal with all these confusing emotions without Kathryn Janeway.

It initially appeared as though again the communications team would be unsuccessful, when suddenly the screen sputtered to life and an image of an obviously unprepared for communication Janeway, filled the screen.  "Starfleet to Captain Janeway, Come in Janeway"

"Janeway here"

Seven immediately stepped forward and her eyes locked with Janeway's.  As quickly as a sense of relief rushed through her, Seven absorbed the scene being transmitted from so far away, and she gasped at her friend's appearance.  The interior of the shuttle appeared damaged, and Janeway appeared disheveled and entirely too thin.  The lack of a complete Starfleet uniform was striking as Janeway, covered in grime and sweat filled the screen dressed only in a Starfleet issue blue-gray tanktop and Starfleet pants and boots.

Upon seeing Seven, Janeway's face broke out into a beaming smile, "Hello Seven" and as Seven attempted to formulate a response that would convey everything that she had to say, everything that she wanted to ask, and everything that she felt, the screen flickered and was filled with static.

The room became frantic as attempts were made to reestabilsh communication, but in the end it was unsuccesful.  The starfleet officers then turned their attention to the logs that had been downloaded from the shuttle during the brief communication exchange.  In addition to mission reports and official updates, a variety of personal letters were sent out from the Captain and Seven wondered why she neglected to prepare any personal correspondence for Janeway in the data packet that was transmitted to the shuttle.

It wasn't long before Admiral Owens was listening to the official Captain's logs in the communication room, as they were not marked with any confidentiality restriction not held by the officers present.

"Captains Log, Captain Janeway recording.  It has been three weeks since my last log entry due to malfunctions with the central processor following the attack by an unknown alien race two weeks after Voyager returned to the Alpha Quadrant.  Since that time, main computers have been offline, weapons and warp core was nonfunctional, and replicators were offline.  At the time of the attack, I was able to mask the warp signature and land the shuttle craft in an asteroid fissure.  I chose that location due to mineral deposits that would shield the shuttle from sensors.  The central computer and warp engines are back online following extensive repairs, although it is unclear how long the warp core will be functional.  Weapons, transporters, replicators and shields remain offline.   Food, fuel and oxygen stores are extremely low, attempting to restock.  Communication rendezvous with the Alpha quadrant was unable to be completed due to the central processor malfunction.  It is unclear when another attempt at communication will be possible."

Seven listened to the Captain's log in dismay, attempting to read depth into the dry report, and knowing the difficulties the Captain was facing and the odds against her.  As the order was given to distribute the personal messages to the intended recipients, Seven saw several addressed to her and turned to hurry back to her new quarters to access the contents privately, a concept that before now would have been alien to her.

Once Seven returned to her quarters, she wasted no time in accessing the letters from the Captain and as Janeway's smiling if dirt smudged face filled her screen she wasn't even aware of the sad smile and teary eyes that gazed back as the screen. "Seven, I very much wanted to prepare a letter before now, but the computer didn't want to cooperate."  Seven smiled even more as she watched the familiar crooked grin break out over Janeway's face.  "As I'm sure you're going to find out from the official logs I have recorded, the Delta Quadrant has continued to throw me a few more curveballs and there seem to be a few more hostile aliens that I haven't yet met.  Overall, I have to say that my situation doesn't look very good, although I am no where near ready to stop trying to head towards home.  I really have missed you these past weeks.  I guess there is some truth to that saying about how you don't know what you have until it is gone.  I never realized how much a part of my life you were on Voyager.  I've had a lot of time to think out here by myself and even without an edetic memory, I came to realize how much of our off duty time we spent together.  My greatest concern right now is how you are doing in the Alpha Quadrant and how you are being treated.  I probably should be more concerned about my situation, but I just can't help wondering if you are alright.  I hope that Starfleet can find a way to establish communications soon, because I need to know that you are safe and that Chakotay and you are doing well together."  As Janeway smiled a wistful smile, the screen went black.

Seven stared at the console overwhelmed at the implications of what the Captain had said to her.  Captain Janeway was lost, alone, possibly unable to continue her journey with a very real threat of starvation or suffocation and she was more concerned with Seven's welfare than with her own.   The Captain's reaction defied all logic and Seven thought back and replayed a conversation she once had with the Captain when she was trying to understand the concept of love.  The Captain had told her then that love was caring for someone else more than yourself, putting their needs before your own. 

As Seven thought about her relationship with Janeway over the years, she realized that she needed to write her own letter to Janeway for transmission in the next data packet, but she also knew that she had no idea what to say, or even how she felt herself.

Something about the brief transmission had seemed out of place and Seven replayed the events in the communication room attempting to discover what it was.  As her edetic memory replayed the brief communication, she realized that there had been music playing in the background.  She quickly accessed the computer searching for the artist and song, and it was a short time before she ordered the computer to play the selection in her quarters.  As the haunted words filled the air, she could swear that it was Janeway's voice singing to her from across space and time and found herself once again sobbing uncontrollably on the floor of her quarters.

 


Well I stumbled in the darkness

I'm lost and alone

Though I said I'd go before us

And show the way back home

There a light up ahead

I can't hold onto her arm

Forgive me pretty baby but I always take the long way home




Money's just something you throw

Off the back of a train

Got a handful of lightening

A hat full of rain

And I know that I said

I'd never do it again

And I love you pretty baby but I always take the long way home




I put food on the table

And roof overhead

But I'd trade it all tomorrow

For The highway instead

Watch your back if I should tell you

Loves the only thing I've ever known

One thing for sure pretty baby I always take the long way home




You know I love you baby

More than the whole wide world

You are my woman

I know you are my pearl

Let's go out past the party lights

We can finally be alone

Come with me and we can take the long way home

Come with me, together we can take the long way home

Come with me, together we can take the long way home





The next morning Seven of Nine awoke with a start climbing off her Starfleet regulation couch to the sound of her door chime.  As she attempted to sweep her hair into its customary bun, and straighten her biosuit, she wondered who could possibly be at her door so early in the morning.  Briefly she hoped that it wasn't Chakotay, thinking she couldn't possibly take his patronizing kindness this early in the morning. 

Satisfied that her appearance was as close to normal as possible with such short notice, she approached her door and called out, "Come."

The sight that greeted her when the door slid open took her breath away, as her mind and heart saw only what she wished to see.  Her visitor faced slightly away from her and she immediately ran forward recognizing the auburn hair and classic features as she called out with desperation in her voice, "Kathyrn!" 

As her visitor turned toward her with what appeared to be an old haunted expression of pain and a momentary one of surprise, Seven of Nine immediately stopped short realizing her mistake.  She recognized this individual from holophotos that the Captain had in her quarters, and from her own database searches to learn more about Kathyrn Janeway.

Seven wasn't sure what the protocol was for this situation, and so she reverted to what she knew.  She assumed her borg attention stance with her hands linked behind her back, her feet apart, head tilted and implant raised as if in question, "Mrs. Janeway, how may I be of assistance?"

Gretchen Janeway found herself outside the door of Seven of Nine, formerly of the borg collective, completely unsure of how to begin what she felt was a critical discussion with the young woman who she felt she knew from her eldest daughter's letter.

 
****

The next morning Seven of Nine awoke with a start climbing off her Starfleet regulation couch to the sound of her door chime.  As she attempted to sweep her hair into its customary bun, and straighten her biosuit, she wondered who could possibly be at her door so early in the morning.  Briefly she hoped that it wasn't Chakotay, thinking she couldn't possibly take his patronizing kindness this early in the morning. 

Satisfied that her appearance was as close to normal as possible with such short notice, she approached her door and called out, "Come."

The sight that greeted her when the door slid open took her breath away, as her mind and heart saw only what she wished to see.  Her visitor faced slightly away from her and she immediately ran forward recognizing the auburn hair and classic features as she called out with desperation in her voice, "Kathyrn!" 

As her visitor turned toward her with what appeared to be an old haunted expression of pain and a momentary one of surprise, Seven of Nine immediately stopped short realizing her mistake.  She recognized this individual from holophotos that the Captain had in her quarters, and from her own database searches to learn more about Kathyrn Janeway.

Seven wasn't sure what the protocol was for this situation, and so she reverted to what she knew.  She assumed her borg attention stance with her hands linked behind her back, her feet apart, head tilted and implant raised as if in question, "Mrs. Janeway, how may I be of assistance?"

Gretchen Janeway found herself outside the door of Seven of Nine, formerly of the borg collective, completely unsure of how to begin what she felt was a critical discussion with the young woman who she felt she knew from her eldest daughter's letter.  "I hope that I am not disturbing you Seven, may I come in?"

Seven stepped back from the entrance of her quarters, granting her unexpected guest passage and recalling the Doctor's social lessons, offered "Would you like liquid refreshment at this time Mrs. Janeway?" while remembering to lead her guest toward the sofa. 

Gretchen had braced herself for the unexpected prior to her arrival at Seven's quarters as her daughter's letter had told her much more about the young woman she now faced than any Starfleet news service had disclosed.

"No, thank you."  Seven knowing how the Captain had often complained at her standing during conversations, had uncomfortably arranged herself on the sofa as Gretchen Janeway sat next to her and turned toward her.  Seven was curious and somewhat apprehensive regarding the nature of such an unexpected visit from the Captain's mother, and so she remained silent waiting for Gretchen to tell her the nature of her visit.

"I received a letter yesterday from Kathyrn."  Gretchen paused while looking at her hands clasped together in her lap, long enough for Seven to think some response was required of her before she would continue.

"As did I"  At that, Gretchen met her eyes with an unasked question in them and so Seven continued.  "She alluded to being more concerned with my welfare than with her current situation, which seems illogical and unwise at the present time."  Seven became alarmed as Gretchen's eyes filled with tears, because she felt completely unprepared to console the Captain's mother and because she felt her own emotional control wavering and she didn't want anyone to see her in such a human state of emotion.

Meanwhile, with Seven's words, Gretchen was even more sure of her course of action and of coming to Seven directly and so she continued, "I must say I was unprepared for the letter I received yesterday.  My daughter has always been a very private person, so much so she has rarely discussed many important things in her life with anyone over the years.  She seemed much more open in this letter and she spoke a lot about you.  What I wonder about most are the things she didn't say."

"What did she not say Mrs. Janeway?"

"She told me about you, she even told me how much she missed you, which for my daughter is a shocking admission.  She asked me to take care of you.  But what I could see in her eyes, what she didn't say, is how much she loves you and how truly lost she is without you.  When she mentioned her former first officer, how it was with hopeless resignation, as if she had lost the best part of herself to him."

Seven had been silent to this point, truly having no idea how to respond, but the mention of Chakotay quickly jerked her into action, "She doesn't know that ended shortly after our arrival in the Alpha Quadrant."

For a long minute, Gretchen just looked into her eyes before saying, "Seven of Nine, how do you feel about my daughter?"

Although Seven of Nine usually appreciated a blunt approach herself, the unexpectedness of the question caused her to gasp in surprise and she finally understood the human tendency to meander in difficult conversations.  It seemed that Gretchen Janeway was a direct assault missle in this conversation, and had quickly reached the point of her visit.  Seven had also been grappling with her own feelings in recent weeks, and experiencing emotions that she had difficulty understanding so the idea of explaining it to someone else, especially Gretchen Janeway was overwhelming.

So as she continued to meet Gretchen's eyes, she found her own words to try to answer the other woman's question, "I think of her constantly and I am completely preoccupied with what she is doing and if she is well.  When I am not thinking of her directly, I am working on any theory that may assist us in bringing her home or communicating with her.  I find it difficult to regenerate, and when I do my mind replays our past interactions.  Although it serves no purpose and is inefficient, I often replay our past conversations and cannot help but wonder how different today would be had she spoke to me before of the things she has in her letters since our return.  At these times and others, I feel a weight pressing down upon my chest and although my systems are operating within normal parameters, I feel as though I am malfunctioning.   I should not be here, I don't understand why she would remain behind alone when I should be there with her."

Seven looked at her expectantly, as though this was a simple question and she had the answer.

As Gretchen listened to Seven's response, she understood the depth of love between the two, knew that they were meant to be togther, and also felt the guilt and fear that Seven felt for her Kathryn.

Gretchen seemingly changing the direction of the conversation asked, "Have you recorded a message for her for the next data transmission?"

Seven replied without pause, "No, I have not, I am unsure what to say to her."

Gretchen smiled a familiar crooked smile at Seven, "I would suggest that you tell what you told me today.  I think she needs to hear it from you, especially now.  And I know that you will do everything you can to bring her home.  She felt she had to stay behind alone, she wouldn't have let you stay with her no matter what had been said earlier.  Tell her what you told me, and it will all work out, you'll see."

Gretchen rose to leave and Seven walked her to the door in silence, still absorbing her words. 

"Seven, I would like to get to know you better.  Would you come to dinner on Friday night?"

Seven replied, "That would be acceptable." 

Immediately following Mrs. Janeway's departure, Seven began recording a message to her Captain.


****

As the weeks went by, Seven found herself being drawn further into the Janeway family.  What started out as an unexpected and awkward first meeting, developed into a surrogate family for Seven.  She finally understood the human concept of family and connection.  Her work with the slipstream drive did not progress, regardless of the amount of hours she poured into it.  The only apparent progress was made in the area of communication, and although Seven did not make the breakthrough that allowed data packet transfers weekly, when visual connection was only possible monthly, she was looking forward to more frequent communications with the Captain.

Gretchen seemed to take her daughter's request to take care of Seven seriously, as she all but adopted Seven in name and did everything possible to help her adapt to both Earth and the distance from her Captain. 

Somehow, both of them still felt very alone and found comfort in shared discussions of Kathyrn Janeway.  Gretchen longed to hear every detail from Seven of the time she spent with her daughter in the Delta Quadrant, while Seven felt that she became closer with Kathyrn as she assimilated every silly childhood story that Gretchen could recall.

And so it was that the next sequence of recordings were exchanged with the lost Starship Captain who was currently in command of only a shuttlecraft and Seven knew that her Captain would finally hear her describe how she felt in the only words she had to describe it.

In the first communication, there was discussion from the Captain on her progress and her mission status.  Somehow, she had been able to refuel and restock and had even managed to come to the aid of a warp capable species that was dying of a plague that they could not cure.  Captain Janeway had managed to win their favor after curing their population of this plague. 

It was in the second series of transmissions that Seven finally received a response or perhaps a reaction is a better term, to her heartfelt confessions.  It was with what could only be described as shock and disbelief that she watched her Captain's face as she said words that made no sense to Seven.

"Seven, I am so sorry to hear about you and Chakotay and I hope that I did not influence your decision to end that relationship.  Perhaps I didn't choose my words wisely in my last communications.  I certainly didn't mean to confuse you and I want you to understand that any more intimate relationship between us is just not possible regardless of when I return to the Alpha Quadrant.  It wasn't possible when we were both in the Delta Quadrant and it would not be possible ever in the future.  That fact doesn't change how much I care about you, and I hope in time that you can understand why.  I will always be your friend, especially now that I am no longer your Captain, but I expect you to move on with your life and find that someone special.  I can never be that person for you."

Seven decided the only wise thing to do would be to go to the one person who may be able to make sense of this response to her letter.  She wondered if perhaps her description of her feelings was inadequate in some way and that was why the Captain appeared to be rejecting her after she poured all she knew of her feelings into her last communication to the Captain.

So Seven waited patiently as Gretchen Janeway accessed and watched the recording of her daughter and her confusion continued as Gretchen's only immediate response was, "Oh Katie."

Slowly Gretchen turned to face Seven with a sadness that reached her eyes and made more of a statement than asked a question, "Seven you probably don't know what to make of this message?"

"I am confused.  Was my description of my feelings for her so inadequate?  Why does it seem that she no longer reciprocates?"

Gretchen's voice was almost a whisper as she replied, "I can imagine that hearing this message is painful for you Seven, but knowing my daughter, she thinks she is protecting you.  This means she doesn't think she will return soon, if at all and she doesn't want you to wait for her.  She thinks she has already said too much, influenced your choices in the Alpha Quadrant too much, when she can't be here with you."

Seven paced away from her with a short angry stride before settling in her Borg attention stance with her chin slightly raised, "Surely that is my decision to make."

Gretchen sighed, "Yes, but you know how stubborn she can be and how she feels the need to protect those she loves from the universe itself.  If she is worth fighting for, that is what you are going to have to do and know that you'll be fighting her.  I will try to talk to her and help her to focus on returning and show her own unwise it would be to let you go."

Seven felt a flood of relief that she would have the elder Janeway's help, "How?"

"Don't you worry.  Just keep working on those slipstream calculations."  And so began a long and invovled conversation regarding the lack of progress with the slipstream technology and an outline from Seven of the assistance and resources she needed that she didn't have access to at the TPG.

****

The next direct communication link was just days away and Seven of Nine planned to make sure she had a few private moments to speak with Kathryn Janeway.  So it was with great hope and expectations, that she found herself once again, the first to arrive for the scheduled communication with the Delta Quadrant. 

Everyone was completely unprepared for the visual feed that they received.  It was Captain Janeway who filled the screen looking much more like her familiar self with a self-assured crooked grin gazing back at them while sitting in a relaxed pose with her legs crossed in the center command chair of an unfamiliar starship. 

The ship seemed to hum around her as she explained how the grateful species she assisted was moved by her plight and provided her with their most advanced starship as a token of their gratitude for all that she had done for them.  As Janeway provided a brief status update regarding the series of events that had occurred since her last contact with Starfleet, those listening to the tale she told were entranced by her ability to defy the odds in such a miraculous way.  She captured their attention as only a living legend could. 

There was so much official information exchanged and requested that even Gretchen Janeway, although present, had not so much as spoken directly to the Captain.  Seven of Nine kept track of the length of the transmission and began to think that perhaps her private conversation with the Captain would not occur today.  As she considered the possibility of the transmission running out of time before she got to speak privately with the Captain, she felt a wave of disappointment crash over her. 

Captain Janeway was once again the Captain of a starship.  She went on to discuss logistics, downloaded tatical information and ship specifications.  Some of the aliens even volunteered to man the ship, even knowing that they were unlikely to ever return to their home in their lifetime.  However, it soon became clear that the current personnel were not enough to fill all the necessary posts and to perform all the required maintenance on the ship.

It was Admiral Paris who first seemed to recognize this deficiency and question it. 

Captain Janeway settled further into her command chair, raised her chin, met his gaze and replied,  "I intend to find a few good starfleet officers to fill the empty posts."

Admiral Paris, as well as the others observing the transmission appeared confused and they seemed to briefly consider whether the good captain had finally lost all touch with reality when Seven of Nine stepped forward in alarm.

"Captain it is too dangerous.  Please do not do this."

Before the Captain could reply, the transmission degraded and flickered out and all eyes turned to Seven of Nine seeking an explanation to the Captain's mysterious statement.

It was Admiral Paris who asked, "What did she mean Seven?"

Seven first met Gretchen's questioning gaze before squaring her shoulders and looking back at the Admiral.  "There is only one place in the Delta Quadrant where she can find Starfleet officers.  She intends to confront the Borg, or whatever the Borg have become without a queen, and liberate Starfleet officers who are now drones."

As Seven of Nine finished speaking, a loud buzz of conversation with scenarios, odds, and calculations began among the assembled staff in the communications room, and Seven rushed over to Gretchen Janeway who had gone completely pale, and appeared to be swaying and in danger of toppling over.

Over the next days and weeks, Seven wrote to Kathryn Janeway daily and sometimes more frequently.  She spoke to her about her fears, about her dreams that one day they would be together, about anything and everything at all.  Mostly, she begged her to proceed home without taking any risks or exploring any interesting stellar sights.  She discovered that one sided conversations freed her in a way because there was no opportunity for rejection or avoidance.  She could speak her mind and her heart without interruption, and if the things she said were just too overwhelming for her intended recipient, well then the Captain could just stop the recording and toss it out an airlock.  So Seven recorded everything, and without reviewing or revising it, uploaded and compressed each file for the next data transmission.   She secretly wondered at times, if the Captain would listen to them. 

As the communication bursts came back, Seven found herself on an emotional rollercoaster of relief, anger and despair as the Captain outwitted and outmanuvered the Borg at every turn.   The tatical information she sent back showed that the Borg had not been eliminated, but rather they had been decentralized and scattered and this significantly weakened their tatical status and allowed the Captain to surprise and abduct them individually.  Over the weeks, the recovered crew roster continued to climb until it appeared as though a functioning crew not manned the new Starship.  Images of an official field ceremony performed by Janeway installing key crewmembers were sent and the ship recieved new federation call letters and the designation USS Recovery.   The federation news service seemed to cover nothing but the progress of the new ship and its Captain and the names of those who had returned from the Borg.

Through it all, Seven continued to feel misplaced in the Alpha Quadrant and wished for nothing more than Q himself to transport her back to her Captain. 

It was also to her great frustration that she had made no progress at all on the slipstream technology.

***

Seven had come to believe that nothing that the wayward Captain could do at this point could possibly surprise her or make her feel more isolated and alone.  And yet with the next data transmission, Captain Janeway managed to do just that.

There was no private transmission from the Captain to Seven of Nine, and that in itself was not unusual as her Captain had been nothing but friendly in a distantly professional way.  Through all the intervening months and daily transmissions from Seven, the Captain never again directly addressed either her feelings or Seven's as she expressed them in her letters. 

Seven was still going to visit the Janeway family for dinner every Friday night as had become their habit in keeping vigil together for the lost daughter, sister, and friend. 

She had long since stopped knocking upon her arrival to the Janeway house, and as she walked into the living room area she observed Gretchen Janeway watching a transmission of her daughter that she had obviously just received.  It was frozen to a picture of a smiling Janeway with her arm around the waist of a tall young blonde woman that Seven immediately recognized as her new first officer. 

Seven audibly gasped in shock and dismay, jolting Gretchen into awareness of her guest.  Seven turned and ran from the house as fast as she could go as Gretchen called after her to stop.  She finally understood why Kathryn didn't want or need to return her letters.  She had been so easily replaced.

When she didn't report for her next scheduled duty shift, a search was initiated by Starfleet command that eventually led to Gretchen Janeway who provided the limited information that she had.  She knew how Seven had interpreted the photo that she was viewing, because she had a similar initial reaction.  As she looked at the photo longer, she realized something was out of place and she finally realized what it was.  The young woman in the photo next to her Captain was wearing a wedding band, and there was no matching band on the Captain's left hand.  Seven had not had time to come to this realization and had interpreted based on the months of being pushed away by the one she had come to realize she loved.  In pain and alone, Seven of Nine had simply disappeared and no one had any idea where to look for her.

The next series of communications between mother and daughter were anything but pleasant as Gretchen Janeway pulled no punches in laying the responsibility for Seven's current state of mind squarely at her daughter's feet. 

It was only a month later that Captain Janeway led a Borg raid with the ultimate payout in equipment.  The crew acquired and installed a transwarp coil that was functional, and the wayward recovery crew emerged into the Alpha Quadrant to a triumphant homecoming. 

Kathryn Janeway returned with her family, and as she walked up the stairs to the front porch of the farmhouse she struggled with a series of familiar if long forgotten feelings.  Specifically, she felt like a child who had gotten in trouble at school and had been sent home and was awaiting the disapproving look and lecture from her mother. 

Seven of Nine was gone, and it was her fault.  Isn't this what she wanted?  How long had she pushed the young woman away giving herself the excuse that it was in her best interests? 

Seven had simply vanished and although Kathryn had vowed to herself that she would never act on her feelings in order to protect the young woman, she came to realize that the best part of her homecoming was missing.  More than anything else, the one thing that had kept her going in her darkest moments alone in the shuttle was the idea that one day she would be reunited with Seven and that their relationship would become more than it was. 

She had to find Seven and tell her all the things that she should have told her long ago.  Having made her decision, she squared her shoulders and met her mother's knowing gaze.  The only question she had now was how she would go about finding an ex-borg that didn't want to be found.