Damn it, I thought as the Velocity disc impacted my left arm. The computer announcing the outcome of the match in its relentlessly neutral tones did absolutely nothing to help my mood either. This had been coming for quite a while; she had been getting progressively better with every match we played. I always knew the day would come when she would beat me. I just didn't anticipate it being today.
"Well done, Seven," I said tonelessly, without meeting her eyes. It wouldn't do to let my annoyance at being beaten show. Knowing her, she would take it completely to heart and assume I was angry with her. This was her moment of glory and I wouldn't...couldn't do anything to spoil that.
"Thank-you, Captain," she replied and I suppose there must have been something in her tone of voice because I looked up in surprise. Seven was smiling. No...wait, the word smile just isn't enough to describe what this was. I can't even think of anything to describe it which wouldn't be a complete cliché. Suffice it to say that I have travelled the galaxy, witnessed supernovae and the birth of stars and this was - without a doubt - the most deeply lovely thing I had ever seen. I felt that I would gladly lose a thousand more matches if I could just see that smile every day.
I couldn't smile back, feeling that it would be like shining a candle next to a star, but I think some of what I was feeling showed on my face. I hope it did - too often I neglect to let her know when she's done something I approve of and only pay attention to her when I have to reprimand her. She pleases me much more often than not so this is remiss of me. I made a mental note right then and there to correct that situation.
"Have you been practising?" I asked her finally.
She didn't get a chance to answer though, because just as she opened her mouth to speak, we heard the unmistakable whoop of the red alert siren. This was punctuated almost immediately by the sickening sound of phaser fire impacting the hull.
Naturally, I headed straight for the door, talking into my communicator all the way. We were under attack, that much was obvious. A ship had intercepted us and, as per Starfleet protocol, Chakotay had hailed them. He must have made some cultural faux pas because the next thing he knew they were charging weapons.
"Go to warp," I ordered as I reached the door, utilising the first rule of combat my father taught me when I was a little girl and already dreaming of starships and aliens - it's better to run and survive than go down in a blaze of glory.
The feeling of heaviness that occurs for a nanosecond after warp drive kicks in was a comforting sensation and I realised we were probably out of danger. An instant after I realised this, I saw that the holodeck door had not opened as I approached it.
"Damage report," I barked into my communicator.
"There's a minor hull breach on Deck 6, emergency force-fields are in place. Transporters and shields are off-line. It looks like the holodecks might have been damaged too - that breach on Deck 6 seems to have affected some of those systems."
Damn it, I thought again. That was probably why the door wasn't opening. I informed the commander of the situation and he assured me he'd send a repair team down immediately. Chakotay knows me too well, I suppose. I can't stand being stuck in one place.
I set Seven to work trying to get the door open from the inside, which - of course - proved to be impossible. Why does Murphy's Law always go for me?
"So," I said as Seven came and stood at my side. "Since we're in a holodeck...is there anywhere you'd like to go?"
"My location is irrelevant," she replied and I rhymed off the rote response silently to myself. Honestly, sometimes she can be so predictable...and then of course there are times when she surprises me so much I can barely believe it. Such a mass of contradictions.
"Computer, run programme Janeway 2-Beta," I called, figuring that I may as well take advantage of this opportunity, even if she was not willing to. This programme put some of my favourite things in the universe into one improbable package. A warm spring day...a walk in the snow...a view of the house in which I grew up somewhere in the background, it's all there. Another mass of contradictions.
This was one of Seven's predictable moments. She looked around her slowly, turning only her neck in that way of hers which is clearly designed to be the most efficient way of moving. I wonder if she realises what a superior, regal air it gives her. Then she raised her left eyebrow.
"Warm snow," she said, looking down at the ground. It was time for me to be surprised now because this seemed to please her for some reason.
"Come on," I said gently. "Let's go for a walk."
She was silent for what seemed a long time. Maybe it wasn't so long in actuality but the silence seemed to carry in the still air. She had clearly never walked in snow before because her face was a mask of complete concentration for the first little while as she 'adapted.'
"May I ask you a question, Captain?" Seven asked finally as we walked side-by-side through the warm snow. The fact that she was even bothering to ask permission immediately made me uneasy. Nevertheless, I replied in the affirmative.
"Why do you not 'date'?"
Oh, this was surprise time. Big surprise time. What could possibly have made her ask that question?
Two answers were immediately forthcoming if I allowed myself to think rationally. One: I had recently encouraged her to pursue a romantic relationship, with the intention of helping her to integrate into the Voyager family. After her one disastrous date, she no doubt wondered why I would encourage her to participate in an activity which I did not indulge in myself. This I could deal with if I ever got over the shock of the original question. Possibility two, however, was a much more disconcerting prospect.
Chakotay noticed it a long time before I did - not surprising really, since he was an objective observer. To cut a long story short, he came to see me one day and told me - point blank - that he thought Seven was developing a crush on me. Needless to say I laughed it off to begin with but as the weeks went past I began to notice more and more evidence to support his theory.
And then, even worse, I began to think he'd underestimated her. The more I considered it, the more I began to believe that Seven was not capable of having a 'crush.' She's an all-or-nothing kind of person. If she had any feelings for me, they were likely to be the real thing.
And when I considered that, I began to realise that those feelings were not completely one way. Far from it, in fact.
Looking at her surreptiously as we walked, I realised with a sinking heart that this query definately came from category two. I wonder if I'm the only one who sees the subtle changes in her eyes and expression, the hint of a smile that sometimes appears on the corner of her lips, the slightly nervy way she averts her eyes when she has a personal enquiry? Her eyes were averted now.
"I'm not willing to discuss that with you Seven," I replied eventually, lacing my voice with my best command tone. Well, it was true, even if it did leave the reason out. She didn't accept that for a second though. Did I really think she would?
"Why?"
"Because you're my crewmember," I lied. "It's completely inappropriate to discuss something like that."
"Is that why you do not date? For the sake of propriety?"
God, she really knows how to wind me up.
"No, I don't date because it's impossible to be both a person's captain and their lover. It's a complete contradiction!"
Wait just a gosh-darned minute, didn't you just say you weren't going to discuss this? A voice in my head prodded. Seven was silent for a moment, though, which allowed me to collect myself. Suddenly she stopped and grabbed my arm to prevent me from moving away. Bending down, she scooped some snow from the ground and held it in her palm.
"Warm snow," she said, her eyes boring into mine. "That is also a complete contradiction. Yet you are willing to accept it. The fact that it is snow and the fact of its temperature are independent are they not? Thus, the role of captain would be independent of the role of lover, yes?"
Why does she always surprise me when I least expect it? I suppose it wouldn't be much of a surprise if I saw it coming. I believe I was doing a good approximation of a blowfish as I stared at her, mouth moving all right but with nothing coming out.
"Your argument is flawed," she concluded. And then she kissed me.
By this time she had surprised me so much I was not capable of rational thought. So, my body took over and I kissed her back, feeling my heart clutch softly in rhythm with her pulse.
She's right of course. I've been kidding myself all these years. It was necessary I suppose, for me to be alone during the first years of our isolation. I had a hybrid crew and we were in an impossible situation. I had to appear strong, invincible. Above all I had to earn their respect. Eventually loneliness became a habit for me. Seven changed all that. But since when has failed to shatter my preconceptions?
When we broke apart she had such an angelic smile on her face that I could do nothing but smile back and any resistance I might have been about to put up evaporated completely. I felt inadequate next to her radiance but I think she appreciated my smile. Neither of us spoke, we just stood there for I-don't-know-how-long and grinned at each other like schoolgirls. I was first to break eye contact, looking away and blushing slightly which only caused her to smile wider. I realised suddenly that, the way things were going, I might just get my wish. The thought of seeing that smile every day was reason enough to pursue this relationship. As if there weren't so many already. Then, after a long, happy moment, we linked hands and continued to walk silently through the warm snow.
The End